Thanks to all of you that have been reading this fic. I'm hoping to
stay on course and keep it sweet but interesting - different but true
to where the characters are at this point in the story. Needless to
say feedback is welcome - please!
Chapter 6
For the first time in her life, Dawn wakes up to the feel of one hundred and eighty pounds of aroused male pressed intimately behind her. She is - in turns shocked and amazed and more than a little panicked. The other night she had worked up her nerve and in the heat of the moment had been ready to plunge forward like the proverbial sacrificial virgin jumping into the proverbial volcano. Now, she was awake. She has to pee. She has yuck mouth and really needs to brush her teeth. These are not factors that she had accounted for when she made her grand entrance the other night.
He is lying on his side and his arm is draped loosely over her waist. Saying a silent prayer, she slides out from under the quilt that they are sharing and gently gets out of bed. Thankfully, Xander's only response is to turn over. She is thanking her lucky stars that she has managed to make a fairly graceful exit as she softly closes the door.
"Mornin' Nibblet."
Still facing the door she has just closed, she jumps at the greeting. Oh God, what if Spike can tell? She turns and says good morning a little more brightly that she should have under the circumstances.
"So, they've got you checking up on the walking wounded, uh?" he asks as he gestures towards the door. With his soul, he is less likely to ask anything intrusive. Thankfully, his assumption has given her an out.
"Yeah, that's me - 'Nurse Dawnie', work - work -work" she says as she quickly gets to the bathroom door and practically shuts in his face it.
Soul or not, he still knows when his Nibblet is up to something. Thinking for a minute, Spike reasons that she was most likely spooked by Xander's injury if she were playing nursemaid. He had taken a gander at the thing himself once or twice and no one deserves that - no one. William's compassion rises up and he decides to double check on the boy and make sure he isn't too upset by Dawn's hasty retreat.
Going to the door so recently closed by Dawn, Spike opens it gently and peeks inside. The boy isn't doubled-over with sorrow or isn't even looking mildly upset. In fact, the whelp is asleep, lying in the middle of Dawn's bed with no shirt on and his jeans halfway undone. Hell, there's even a smile on his face. Between the construction work, the demon fighting and the recent weight loss due to the hospital food, he doesn't look half-bad. And with the pirate patch and the dark hair, he even has a bit of an edge to him.
This wouldn't do at all. Spike, after all, wasn't born yesterday, he sees the writing on the wall. Before Spike can manage to subdue both his demon and his parental feelings towards Dawn, Xander is up against the wall.
Being awakened from a deep sleep by a snarling vampire would not have been Xander's first and fifty-first choice but here is Spike demanding to know what the hell he was doing with the "Bit". For a second or two, Xander thinks this is probably just what he deserves.
The sounds of threats and impending mayhem are just enough to peak the interest of many of the inhabitants of Chez Buffy including the hostess herself.
"Spike, put Xander down, NOW!" Buffy sounds like a mother demanding that her two children "play nice."
This latest act is just enough to urge Buffy towards her latest speech to the troops. "We have to stick together.yada, yada, yada.. impending doom.yada, yada, yada..." By this time, Spike has put Xander down and Buffy's ramblings have lulled everyone present into a state of melancholy.
Dawn has sneaked back into the room directly behind Buffy. While she missed the beginning of the show, she heard it. Not wanting to face the mayhem with yuck mouth, she went on, peed, and brushed her teeth before coming out to face the music.
Spike is about the only one in the room who is giving Buffy his full attention, so it is easy to catch Xander's attention over Buffy's shoulder. (One of the benefits of topping your older sister by a good four inches.)
Xander has managed to reach over and grab a shirt off of the chair beside of him. As he slides it on, he sees Dawn come back into the room. She is rolling her eyes at Buffy. Even now, she makes him want to smile, to hug her.
Given that there is only one exit out of the room and Buffy is blocking it, she is taking advantage of the captive audience. There is no escape for anyone. After the first twenty minutes or so, Xander and his attacker have both managed to slide down to sit against the wall, the multitude of potentials sitting on the bed shielding them from Buffy's view.
Buffy's talk has given Spike time to calm down by now, so he leans over to Xander in a fairly companionable way and asks, "So, am I going to have to kill you for touching the Bit or am I wrong?"
There was a time when such a question would have unnerved him to no end but that time is long gone, "Well, William, it's a little more complicated than that", he answers in an equally companionable whisper.
At that remark, Spike laughs and shakes his head; "Always is, especially if Dawn or Buffy's involved."
Recognizing, the commonality, Xander figures that he might as well forge ahead while he has the courage verses risk getting thrown against the wall again. "I love her, OK? And not in a big brother, Xander-will-fix-it-kind- of-love. The I-love-you-til-the-end-of-time-or-at-least-until-the-hellmouth- swallows-us-kind-love".
Spike laughs again to Xander's relief as Spike's romantic side wins out. "I know the kind myself, boy. Know it well in fact. Went out and damned near killed myself for it."
Tempting fate a little more, since there was no where to go, Xander decides to go ahead and get his blessing. "So, are you OK with it, I mean, me and Dawn? Just want to know where you stand, not that it matters. Oh, whom am I kidding? It does matter. It will matter to her what you think, whether she admits it or not."
Spike responds by smiling a smile that Xander has never seen before. He thinks that he has just met William - as much as Spike's going to let anyone meet William. "You must love her if you're willing to admit that if I don't say so myself." Leaning a bit closer still, Spike holds out his hand. For a second, he doesn't realize his intent but then it comes to him. The Victorian Gentleman who is William wants to shake his hand. He muses that the world must be coming to an end as he shakes Spike's hand.
At that, both men are jarred to attention. Buffy has made it through the masses and now stands, hands on hips looking down at both of them. She looks as if she is a third grade teacher and they have just gotten called down for talking. The image becomes even clearer when she speaks. "And exactly what do you two gentleman think you are doing?"
At this question, the only appropriate response seems to be to laugh and both do just that as they stand to face their punishment. As she looks at them - these two men who have taken so much abuse in her name only to come back for more - she isn't able to maintain her anger. Before she knows it she is smiling too, it isn't often that these two are conspiring together much less laughing. It can't be a bad thing she thinks as she begins to laugh too. 'That bad, uh?" she asks.
Spike responds by reaching out to her and pulling her to his side, "You just don't know love, you just don't know."
By later in the day, Xander is feeling better both mentally and physically. He has gone without his pain medication so it feels like the cotton surrounding his brain has finally been removed. Moreover, the conversation with Spike has eased his mind. Spike seems OK with whatever is going on with he and Dawn and seemed satisfied with what Xander had said. He didn't hold out any reservations that Spike wouldn't still kill him if he thought he had ever hurt Dawn. But that was cool because he wasn't planning to.
While he wanted to spend some time alone with Dawn, it seemed like every time it looked like they could manage it, something or someone came up. Willow and Kennedy wanting to do a good deed and talk to him; a potential with a broken hairdryer; dry wall that needed repairing; the list was getting long. Every once in awhile he would catch Dawn out of the corner of his vision and then she would be off again to parts unknown.
Dawn is in the kitchen. If those girls that have invaded her house, and her life don't leave Xander alone, she is going to scream. Potential or no potential, she is going to kick some slayer butt. And like right now. Taking a deep breath, she walks into the hall where Xander is fixing the wall. There are three potentials following him at the moment and two don't even speak the language. One girl is clapping after every step in the repair. It is just too much!
"Xander, Buffy says we need some things at the store. You feel up to driving?" She asks brightly and hopefully not too fake-sounding. She is a little afraid that her mouth is going to open and she is going to say, "Xander, if I don't get you alone and soon, I am going to explode."
The one potential that does speak English indicates her wish to accompany them to the store as Xander puts up his materials. Oh God, think fast Dawn! "Aaaah, we've got so much to buy that by the time we get back out to the car there isn't going to be any room even in the backseat. That's it no room, no room at all."
Xander is coming back into the hall by then and hears the exchange. He admits that it does a man's ego good to know the woman he loves is willing to lie and plot to be alone with him. He was going to say cheat and steal too but he is so hoping that Dawn is over her Winona Ryder phase.
He coughs to get her attention. "Malady, your carriage awaits." He says gallantly and bows. He holds out his arm to her and escorts her out the front door. As they go out the door, she can't help but turn her head to smirk at the lot of potentials in their wake.
Now that they are alone, Xander feels like he is the one who is seventeen. He tells himself that he and Dawn have been alone in this very car at least a hundred times - going to school, going home. However, nothing can negate that this is different - that they have sneaked out of the house for the sole purpose of being alone - being alone together that is... He remembers how he felt last year when he found out about Buffy and Spike. He wonders if..
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.green light. Xander shakes his head and goes through the light.
"Aaaah, are you OK? With the medicine and all? Didn't the doctor say it was fine to drive when you felt like it? I mean if you want me to drive." Dawn says as she slips out of her seat belt to slide closer to the middle of the front and reach for him over the gear shift.
She touches his arm and he jumps, he hasn't realize exactly how tense he is until now. "No, I'm fine. Just thinking about things, about us. Spike knows."
"I figured as much, when he threw you into the wall this morning. You two seemed pretty lovey-dovey while Buffy was giving her sermon."
"Dawn, he loves you. He loves Buffy. No matter what our history may be, we have those two things in common. We both recognize that in each other. I hate to admit it but he is different. He's been different but now, sometimes, you can see, really see this other person. He's careful about it like it's a cut or something but it's there. He can just hide his wounds a hell of a lot easier than I can."
At that, Xander laughs, 'Oh God, did you hear that? Now I am singing Kum- by-ya with Spike what next?"
Dawn laughs too. It makes her happy to see him reaching out, seeing something different in someone he had made his mind up about long ago. "I'm proud of you" she announces.
"Proud of me? Why?"
"You made up your mind a long time ago about Spike, about him being bad. And it seemed like nothing was ever going to make you see that it just wasn't that simple. But, now you are seeing something different. It makes me believe that you can see me as more than just a little girl. It gives me hope."
Before he can believe it, he's said, "Oh no! Enough with the visual imagery. Isn't that what Caleb said? I'm the one who sees things."
Suddenly, Dawn looks stricken. It wasn't her intention to have him think of that, to relive that awful moment. " Oh, Xander, that's not what I meant." She looks close to tears and he must face himself and his own ghosts to be the man she needs him to be.
Xander has never taken compliments well, not believing them or worrying that he wasn't truly worthy of them. He knows that his typical reaction is to have a sly, sarcastic response ready to buffer his ego and to keep the person at arm's length. But hey, when you've already lost one eye, what else have you got to lose? On second thought, don't answer that buddy, he thinks.
He takes a deep breath and steps off another ledge. He turns to look at her, "Gee, thank you Dawn. I mean really thank you. I used to think about things as either good or bad. Black or white. But all of this, all of this has taught me that it's not that easy, even if you try to pretend it is. I mean, look at me and Anya. I tried to pretend everything was good, everything was fine and look how that went. I was supposed to be one of the white hats, so was Willow.so was Tara. and .well, you know. I've had to look at how I think about myself and everybody else too. I guess, there is good and bad in everyone, it's what you do with it that counts. What you do today. "
He looks at her to gauge her reaction, she is listening intently, her eyes dry. It gives him the courage to go on. "Dawnie, I love you. Don't worry, I'm not going to talk myself out of it. It's not like that. I just.I just want to be careful with you. You are so young and I've been through so much. But I'm not noble enough to walk away, I won't. You are stuck with me. Are you good with that?"
As he poses this last question, Dawn looks around, the car has stopped. Incredibly, he has pulled up in front of his apartment. He hasn't slept there since the accident. He hasn't even been there. Spike and Faith went over and got his stuff and that's it.
Xander realizes where he has brought them. He guesses it is just a natural reflex. Another darker part of his brain, says no. He has brought them here for a reason. She wants to be alone with him. He wants to be alone with her. When his anxieties about her age, her vulnerability come up, his worthiness - he reminds himself of his own recent words - there isn't any black and white - just gray.
And it looks as if they are going to partake of that gray between black and white right now.
TBC
Chapter 6
For the first time in her life, Dawn wakes up to the feel of one hundred and eighty pounds of aroused male pressed intimately behind her. She is - in turns shocked and amazed and more than a little panicked. The other night she had worked up her nerve and in the heat of the moment had been ready to plunge forward like the proverbial sacrificial virgin jumping into the proverbial volcano. Now, she was awake. She has to pee. She has yuck mouth and really needs to brush her teeth. These are not factors that she had accounted for when she made her grand entrance the other night.
He is lying on his side and his arm is draped loosely over her waist. Saying a silent prayer, she slides out from under the quilt that they are sharing and gently gets out of bed. Thankfully, Xander's only response is to turn over. She is thanking her lucky stars that she has managed to make a fairly graceful exit as she softly closes the door.
"Mornin' Nibblet."
Still facing the door she has just closed, she jumps at the greeting. Oh God, what if Spike can tell? She turns and says good morning a little more brightly that she should have under the circumstances.
"So, they've got you checking up on the walking wounded, uh?" he asks as he gestures towards the door. With his soul, he is less likely to ask anything intrusive. Thankfully, his assumption has given her an out.
"Yeah, that's me - 'Nurse Dawnie', work - work -work" she says as she quickly gets to the bathroom door and practically shuts in his face it.
Soul or not, he still knows when his Nibblet is up to something. Thinking for a minute, Spike reasons that she was most likely spooked by Xander's injury if she were playing nursemaid. He had taken a gander at the thing himself once or twice and no one deserves that - no one. William's compassion rises up and he decides to double check on the boy and make sure he isn't too upset by Dawn's hasty retreat.
Going to the door so recently closed by Dawn, Spike opens it gently and peeks inside. The boy isn't doubled-over with sorrow or isn't even looking mildly upset. In fact, the whelp is asleep, lying in the middle of Dawn's bed with no shirt on and his jeans halfway undone. Hell, there's even a smile on his face. Between the construction work, the demon fighting and the recent weight loss due to the hospital food, he doesn't look half-bad. And with the pirate patch and the dark hair, he even has a bit of an edge to him.
This wouldn't do at all. Spike, after all, wasn't born yesterday, he sees the writing on the wall. Before Spike can manage to subdue both his demon and his parental feelings towards Dawn, Xander is up against the wall.
Being awakened from a deep sleep by a snarling vampire would not have been Xander's first and fifty-first choice but here is Spike demanding to know what the hell he was doing with the "Bit". For a second or two, Xander thinks this is probably just what he deserves.
The sounds of threats and impending mayhem are just enough to peak the interest of many of the inhabitants of Chez Buffy including the hostess herself.
"Spike, put Xander down, NOW!" Buffy sounds like a mother demanding that her two children "play nice."
This latest act is just enough to urge Buffy towards her latest speech to the troops. "We have to stick together.yada, yada, yada.. impending doom.yada, yada, yada..." By this time, Spike has put Xander down and Buffy's ramblings have lulled everyone present into a state of melancholy.
Dawn has sneaked back into the room directly behind Buffy. While she missed the beginning of the show, she heard it. Not wanting to face the mayhem with yuck mouth, she went on, peed, and brushed her teeth before coming out to face the music.
Spike is about the only one in the room who is giving Buffy his full attention, so it is easy to catch Xander's attention over Buffy's shoulder. (One of the benefits of topping your older sister by a good four inches.)
Xander has managed to reach over and grab a shirt off of the chair beside of him. As he slides it on, he sees Dawn come back into the room. She is rolling her eyes at Buffy. Even now, she makes him want to smile, to hug her.
Given that there is only one exit out of the room and Buffy is blocking it, she is taking advantage of the captive audience. There is no escape for anyone. After the first twenty minutes or so, Xander and his attacker have both managed to slide down to sit against the wall, the multitude of potentials sitting on the bed shielding them from Buffy's view.
Buffy's talk has given Spike time to calm down by now, so he leans over to Xander in a fairly companionable way and asks, "So, am I going to have to kill you for touching the Bit or am I wrong?"
There was a time when such a question would have unnerved him to no end but that time is long gone, "Well, William, it's a little more complicated than that", he answers in an equally companionable whisper.
At that remark, Spike laughs and shakes his head; "Always is, especially if Dawn or Buffy's involved."
Recognizing, the commonality, Xander figures that he might as well forge ahead while he has the courage verses risk getting thrown against the wall again. "I love her, OK? And not in a big brother, Xander-will-fix-it-kind- of-love. The I-love-you-til-the-end-of-time-or-at-least-until-the-hellmouth- swallows-us-kind-love".
Spike laughs again to Xander's relief as Spike's romantic side wins out. "I know the kind myself, boy. Know it well in fact. Went out and damned near killed myself for it."
Tempting fate a little more, since there was no where to go, Xander decides to go ahead and get his blessing. "So, are you OK with it, I mean, me and Dawn? Just want to know where you stand, not that it matters. Oh, whom am I kidding? It does matter. It will matter to her what you think, whether she admits it or not."
Spike responds by smiling a smile that Xander has never seen before. He thinks that he has just met William - as much as Spike's going to let anyone meet William. "You must love her if you're willing to admit that if I don't say so myself." Leaning a bit closer still, Spike holds out his hand. For a second, he doesn't realize his intent but then it comes to him. The Victorian Gentleman who is William wants to shake his hand. He muses that the world must be coming to an end as he shakes Spike's hand.
At that, both men are jarred to attention. Buffy has made it through the masses and now stands, hands on hips looking down at both of them. She looks as if she is a third grade teacher and they have just gotten called down for talking. The image becomes even clearer when she speaks. "And exactly what do you two gentleman think you are doing?"
At this question, the only appropriate response seems to be to laugh and both do just that as they stand to face their punishment. As she looks at them - these two men who have taken so much abuse in her name only to come back for more - she isn't able to maintain her anger. Before she knows it she is smiling too, it isn't often that these two are conspiring together much less laughing. It can't be a bad thing she thinks as she begins to laugh too. 'That bad, uh?" she asks.
Spike responds by reaching out to her and pulling her to his side, "You just don't know love, you just don't know."
By later in the day, Xander is feeling better both mentally and physically. He has gone without his pain medication so it feels like the cotton surrounding his brain has finally been removed. Moreover, the conversation with Spike has eased his mind. Spike seems OK with whatever is going on with he and Dawn and seemed satisfied with what Xander had said. He didn't hold out any reservations that Spike wouldn't still kill him if he thought he had ever hurt Dawn. But that was cool because he wasn't planning to.
While he wanted to spend some time alone with Dawn, it seemed like every time it looked like they could manage it, something or someone came up. Willow and Kennedy wanting to do a good deed and talk to him; a potential with a broken hairdryer; dry wall that needed repairing; the list was getting long. Every once in awhile he would catch Dawn out of the corner of his vision and then she would be off again to parts unknown.
Dawn is in the kitchen. If those girls that have invaded her house, and her life don't leave Xander alone, she is going to scream. Potential or no potential, she is going to kick some slayer butt. And like right now. Taking a deep breath, she walks into the hall where Xander is fixing the wall. There are three potentials following him at the moment and two don't even speak the language. One girl is clapping after every step in the repair. It is just too much!
"Xander, Buffy says we need some things at the store. You feel up to driving?" She asks brightly and hopefully not too fake-sounding. She is a little afraid that her mouth is going to open and she is going to say, "Xander, if I don't get you alone and soon, I am going to explode."
The one potential that does speak English indicates her wish to accompany them to the store as Xander puts up his materials. Oh God, think fast Dawn! "Aaaah, we've got so much to buy that by the time we get back out to the car there isn't going to be any room even in the backseat. That's it no room, no room at all."
Xander is coming back into the hall by then and hears the exchange. He admits that it does a man's ego good to know the woman he loves is willing to lie and plot to be alone with him. He was going to say cheat and steal too but he is so hoping that Dawn is over her Winona Ryder phase.
He coughs to get her attention. "Malady, your carriage awaits." He says gallantly and bows. He holds out his arm to her and escorts her out the front door. As they go out the door, she can't help but turn her head to smirk at the lot of potentials in their wake.
Now that they are alone, Xander feels like he is the one who is seventeen. He tells himself that he and Dawn have been alone in this very car at least a hundred times - going to school, going home. However, nothing can negate that this is different - that they have sneaked out of the house for the sole purpose of being alone - being alone together that is... He remembers how he felt last year when he found out about Buffy and Spike. He wonders if..
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.green light. Xander shakes his head and goes through the light.
"Aaaah, are you OK? With the medicine and all? Didn't the doctor say it was fine to drive when you felt like it? I mean if you want me to drive." Dawn says as she slips out of her seat belt to slide closer to the middle of the front and reach for him over the gear shift.
She touches his arm and he jumps, he hasn't realize exactly how tense he is until now. "No, I'm fine. Just thinking about things, about us. Spike knows."
"I figured as much, when he threw you into the wall this morning. You two seemed pretty lovey-dovey while Buffy was giving her sermon."
"Dawn, he loves you. He loves Buffy. No matter what our history may be, we have those two things in common. We both recognize that in each other. I hate to admit it but he is different. He's been different but now, sometimes, you can see, really see this other person. He's careful about it like it's a cut or something but it's there. He can just hide his wounds a hell of a lot easier than I can."
At that, Xander laughs, 'Oh God, did you hear that? Now I am singing Kum- by-ya with Spike what next?"
Dawn laughs too. It makes her happy to see him reaching out, seeing something different in someone he had made his mind up about long ago. "I'm proud of you" she announces.
"Proud of me? Why?"
"You made up your mind a long time ago about Spike, about him being bad. And it seemed like nothing was ever going to make you see that it just wasn't that simple. But, now you are seeing something different. It makes me believe that you can see me as more than just a little girl. It gives me hope."
Before he can believe it, he's said, "Oh no! Enough with the visual imagery. Isn't that what Caleb said? I'm the one who sees things."
Suddenly, Dawn looks stricken. It wasn't her intention to have him think of that, to relive that awful moment. " Oh, Xander, that's not what I meant." She looks close to tears and he must face himself and his own ghosts to be the man she needs him to be.
Xander has never taken compliments well, not believing them or worrying that he wasn't truly worthy of them. He knows that his typical reaction is to have a sly, sarcastic response ready to buffer his ego and to keep the person at arm's length. But hey, when you've already lost one eye, what else have you got to lose? On second thought, don't answer that buddy, he thinks.
He takes a deep breath and steps off another ledge. He turns to look at her, "Gee, thank you Dawn. I mean really thank you. I used to think about things as either good or bad. Black or white. But all of this, all of this has taught me that it's not that easy, even if you try to pretend it is. I mean, look at me and Anya. I tried to pretend everything was good, everything was fine and look how that went. I was supposed to be one of the white hats, so was Willow.so was Tara. and .well, you know. I've had to look at how I think about myself and everybody else too. I guess, there is good and bad in everyone, it's what you do with it that counts. What you do today. "
He looks at her to gauge her reaction, she is listening intently, her eyes dry. It gives him the courage to go on. "Dawnie, I love you. Don't worry, I'm not going to talk myself out of it. It's not like that. I just.I just want to be careful with you. You are so young and I've been through so much. But I'm not noble enough to walk away, I won't. You are stuck with me. Are you good with that?"
As he poses this last question, Dawn looks around, the car has stopped. Incredibly, he has pulled up in front of his apartment. He hasn't slept there since the accident. He hasn't even been there. Spike and Faith went over and got his stuff and that's it.
Xander realizes where he has brought them. He guesses it is just a natural reflex. Another darker part of his brain, says no. He has brought them here for a reason. She wants to be alone with him. He wants to be alone with her. When his anxieties about her age, her vulnerability come up, his worthiness - he reminds himself of his own recent words - there isn't any black and white - just gray.
And it looks as if they are going to partake of that gray between black and white right now.
TBC