Ok so I guess I owe some BIG apologies to Remus fans (I am one too.) But hey, I couldn't have let Jones kill her, it would have been far too obvious and there's always a twist at the end right? Thank you for the reviews as always, glad you're still hanging in there.

Chapter 9 :  Restless Blame

'Harry. My God! What are you doing?'

It took Harry a second to realise where he was. Finally he was back, Lupin had brought him out of that awful memory. But it wasn't Lupin that had spoken it was a voice from behind him.

'Sirius' Harry turned around recognising the speaker's voice.

Before he knew what was happening Harry felt his godfather's hand wrap around his arm, dragging him to Lupin's desk where they both sat down.

What was happening? Harry's head began to spin. What was going on? Surely he was imagining things. He must be, Sirius could not be in the castle, Remus couldn't have killed his aunt. This was just a silly dream that's all; he was going to wake up in a minute.

Remus sat down before Sirius and Harry. His face was unusually pale, his eyes pools of tears threatening to spill over. Sirius stretched an arm out to his old friend, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

'Remus, don't' he whispered concealing the hardened lump that was beginning to form in his throat. 'It's ok we can explain..'

'Explain what?' Remus sobbed 'He saw Sirius! He knows everything.

'Yes but you had no control' Black defended his friend 'Harry knows that, don't you Harry? He understands.'

Did he? Did he really understand? How could he, how could he possibly understand this? His father's friend, his own friend had murdered his aunt, he had killed her and never even told him. What was there to understand? Harry had grown up without his parents, without his godfather, without a single clue to his wizarding past. He had blamed Voldemort. It was he who had killed Harry's parents, deprived him of the life his mother and father had intended for him, but now that was not entirely the case. He had had an aunt. His father had had a sister, a sister who would be alive to this day had she not been slaughtered. Remus had robbed him of knowing her. He had taken away the one link he could have had to his past, to his parents. How could he ever understand that?

Seeing Harry's hesitation Lupin took his head in his hands and began to weep freely. Sirius looked between his two companions, his oldest friend, and his godson. What could he do? Show loyalty to Remus and risk loosing Harry or upset a friend who had already been through so much.

'Look' Sirius spoke gently. 'Harry, you have every right to be upset, no one is blaming you, but please let us explain.'

There was nothing to explain as far as Harry could see. The pain, the anger, the image of the dying girl and the sound of her cries were still fresh in his mind. He couldn't cope. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he couldn't even think. It was all too much; he wanted nothing more than to run, run away from Hogwarts and these traitorous men. He just wanted to run and run and run..

Remus raised his head so that his eyes met Harry's. Seeing the helpless look on the Professor's face Harry almost felt pity. He had never seen such sadness as that he could now see in Lupin's eyes. Tears ran down his pink cheeks, his eyes were bloodshot and swollen. He was obviously in a lot of shock.

'Harry, please let me explain.' He begged the boy, fear causing his voice to quiver.

He had good reason to be scared. No one knew of his crime, not even Dumbledore. In the years since Sonny's death no one but Sirius had discovered his crime, but now Harry had. His victim's nephew had learned the truth of her death. How could he possibly carry on? Living with his sin had been unbearable, how could he possible live with the guilt while having Harry's accusing eyes upon him?

'Give me a moment Remus' Sirius told the man.

Taking his friend's hint Remus stood up and made his was into the lounge room at the back of the office and shut the door.

Sirius turned his seat to face the boy. Sitting forward he wrapped a paternal arm around his shoulders and looked pleadingly into his sad, green eyes as he spoke.

'Harry, please, please don't blame Remus. You must see that he had no control. You saw him for yourself; you saw how upset he was at Sonny's disappearance, hell you even saw him go looking for her. He risked his life in going after Jones. Anything could have happened to him but he didn't care because your aunt's safety was at risk.'

Harry nodded slightly in agreement, still not able to completely accept Sirius's explanation. Nothing would change the fact she was dead.

Black continued 'You have no idea how much Remus cared for your aunt. We all did, she wasn't just your dad's sister, she was as good as ours. I remember all of the summers we used to spend at your dad's home before Sonny was old enough to go to Hogwarts. They were great days, the best we ever shared'

Harry noticed a fond smile twitching in the corners of his godparent's lips as he shared his memory.

'James, and me, we used to go and play Quidditch. Of course that was very wrong of us and you must definitely not follow example, but we did. Remus was never very interested but he used to come along and watch. He would sit on the grass below us with Sonny, helping her draw pictures or colour in books until it was time for us to head back. It was weird- even though she was younger than us they got along so well. To be honest I was almost jealous. Towards the end of her life I became very fond of your aunt but that was nothing compared to the bond she had with Remus. They were like best friends. I can still picture them, lying in the sun, laughing at the enchantments Remus would sometimes put on their sketches.'

Looking almost embarrassed that he had told Harry so much, Sirius straightened up in his seat and began to talk in a more serious tone.

'Harry, I remember Remus telling you a couple of years back that during his transformations he would completely lose his mind. The Wolfsbane potion he takes now is a very recent discovery. You remember he told you that the Whomping Willow was placed in this school to protect the other students from him? Does that not tell the effect his transformations had on his mind, even James and I were not safe from him until we too could transform.'

Sirius sighed wearily. This is not how he had expected his return to Hogwarts would be. Never in his wildest dreams had he expected to be having this conversation with Harry. How could Reums be so stupid, putting such a dangerous memory into an enchanted basin? With all this going on he hadn't even had the chance to tell Harry why he was in the castle, the boy didn't even know that he was free.

'I am going to check on Remus, I'll  bring him out here to talk to you' Sirius told Harry as he walked off towards the headmasters' lounge.

During Black's absence Harry used the time to reflect upon the facts.

Sirius was right, Remus had no control over what happened to Sonny, it hadn't really been him that had killed her, it was the werewolf, the beast had taken over his mind.

But then again, it was his fault.

Remus knew that he was a werewolf. From a very young age he had known that every month he would turn into a dangerous monster. How could he forget? After the dozens of transformations he had endured through his lifetime he couldn't just forget.

He had been careless.

Well, maybe.

He had been trying to save Sonny's life, how could that show carelessness?

 But…

But.

Every conclusion Harry drew ended in a 'but'.

But this…If only that…he was going around in circles.

 Harry began to realise that trying to reach reason tonight was pointless. The awful event he had just witnessed was still fresh in his mind. All of the anger, the pain and the disbelief had not yet settled in his head. It could take days, months before he would make any sense of this. For now he could not count Remus as a friend nor could he treat him as an enemy.

In his years at Hogwarts Harry had learned that things are not always as they seem;

Snape had not tried to help Voldemort steal the Philosophers Stone during Harry's first year, Sirius Black had not murdered anyone and he, Harry, was not the Heir of Slytherin. More often than not his initial beliefs had been proved wrong. He had to be very careful before forming any immediate opinions regarding Remus Lupin. At present Harry must concern himself only with what he knew to be the truth.

Remus and Sirius re-entered the office and took their seats.

'Poor old Remus', Harry thought. No matter what the man had done it was impossible not to feel sorry for such a sorry looking being.

'Harry, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry' Lupin told him trying to avoid eye contact.

'I realise that what happened was not intentional.' Harry said diplomatically ' But I .. I just.. I dunno, it's too soon. I can't think.'

Lupin held up his hand to prevent the boy from speaking.

'I understand. Harry, it would be very unwise of me to expect you to forget this or ask for forgiveness. I hope in time that you will find it in your heart to put this behind us. I have grown very fond of you, as I was of your family, I would hate to think there would be any lasting bad feeling between us. For now though all I ask is that you keep an open mind.'

Harry nodded in agreement.

'May I ask a few you a few things?' he directed this question at Sirius, despite his mixed feelings he could not bear to carry on conversation with Lupin.

'Well, firstly, I wondered, why was I not told about this?'

'Nobody was told about this, and Harry I'd ask you to keep this to yourself, at least while you think about things.' Sirius replied.

'What do you mean no one was told? What happened to her then? Someone must have guessed, I mean the claw marks' Harry shuddered remembering the appearance of the dead girl.

'Do you remember the second wolf you saw Harry?' Lupin picked up the explanation. 'That was Jones, he was an animagus. Sirius and I had no idea but of course Dumbledore knew.'

'I took her to the castle' Sirius continued. 'Before I even had a chance to open my mouth Dumbledore had jumped to his own conclusions. He believed Jones had killed her, in the form of a wolf.'

'And you didn't correct him!' Harry became angered 'You let Jones take the blame!'

'Harry, Jones had intended to kill Sonny' Sirius reasoned 'Remus had not. Jones is in Azkaban for a crime he wanted to commit. Justice was done.'

Harry was not convinced. How could allowing a murderer to walk free ever be justice?

'He wanted to kill her Harry,' Sirius went on 'and you're parents too. What Remus did was unintentional; surely you wouldn't have wanted him to be handed over to the Dementors?

The answer to that Harry didn't know. He decided that the best thing to do would be to carry on gathering information and make a decision when he was in the right frame of mind to do so.'

'Why were they at Hogwarts then?' Harry wondered.

'Same reason as us', Remus answered 'Sonny too had come to consult Dumbledore but as she was using muggle transport Jones found her easily. You're parents, incidentally, accidentally apparated overseas and did not arrive home for another week.'

Harry breathed deeply. There was just one more thing. One more question burned in his mind.

'Does Ron know?' he asked

'No' Sirius confirmed. 'After Jones's imprisonment Nelly Jones committed suicide, unable to take the hatred she suffered as the wife of a murderer. Ron, as far as I know is aware of her existence but he knows nothing of Jones. As far as he is concerned his aunt just died young. I can tell you, it came as something of a shock to me when I first saw you and Ron together in the Shreiking Shack. When I saw him in that Daily Prophet article it worried me that you may have befriended him.'

'But you didn't stop me.' Harry accused

'What would be the point?' Lupin asked 'He is unaware of his family history, as you were; you were doing no harm to each other. Did you never wonder why the Mrs. Weasley is so protective of you? She fells responsible I suspect.'

'But she's not' Harry snapped 'You are!'

Remus looked hurt, seeing this Sirius decided to end the discussion.

'Harry you must be tired, it is very late.'

'No, I couldn't possibly sleep' the boy replied

Sirius understood the feeling. With a swift, swish of his wand he sent Harry into a deep sleep. He carried him up to his dormitory, being extra careful not to wake the other sleeping Gryffindors, and tucked him into bed where he slept on until sunrise.