Super Thank Yous to All - Change of plans and I got this out much earlier
too. In a hurry! Thanks AGAIN!
Chapter 11
It feels pretty weird being back in Dawnie's room after everything that has happened in the course of the day. Lots of feelings keep zapping through Xander's head - the head-over-heels feeling being one of them. That being the most prevalent, there is also worry, guilt and fear. Worry over how this will play out, how it will end of affecting Dawn, guilt over the disparity in their ages and his lack of care over it, and last but not least the fear that something out of his control will swoop down and rip them apart. While a close examination of this jumble of emotions might typically point to paranoia, in the Hellmouth, it seems like plain good sense.
Xander spends several minutes trying to figure out what to wear or not wear to sleep in. This decided, the dilemma progresses to above the sheets or below the sheets. Ultimately, he decides that life is just too damn short and unexpected. He goes with the boxers and a T-shirt under the covers.
When Dawn opens the door, she has already put on Buffy's Sushi pajamas. She dutifully carries all the first aid supplies with her. With a bit of a forced smile, she announces, "Nurse Dawn, reporting for duty."
Xander catches the awkwardness in her demeanor. "Tough crowd, huh?"
She looks at him blankly, "Downstairs, I mean, tough crowd."
"Ah, yeah." She answers as she climbs up on the bed to face him. He reaches out and takes her hand before she can start with the nurse-bit.
Hesitantly, she brings her eyes up to meet his. He waits until she looks at him before he continues, "Hey, just stop a minute. You having some regrets? Cause' if you are, Dawn, I'm ---"
She doesn't give him any time to finish before she interrupts, "No, double no, triple no, no! It's just - it's just - coming back into all this kind- of takes the wind out of your sails, ya' know?"
He smiles a warm, gentle smile. "I take your meaning and I second it. It is pretty weird. Anya didn't help matters. I'm sorry, sometimes I forget how she can be---"
Her eyebrows come together in a wrinkle at the mention of Anya's name. Sometimes it seems like Anya is everything she's not - poised, worldly--- hell, otherworldly! "It's OK, I know---"
She looks down as she finishes as he immediately senses her worry. He draws her chin up again so that she is looking at him. Suddenly, there is a playful light in his eye - Oh God, she thinks - not two but one - eye. She reacts to all the stresses and joys of the day and before he can speak, a tear slides down her face.
Xander sees the tear and pulls her into his arms. Once in the safety of his embrace, the tears fall more forcefully until she is having a good cry - the kind that will leave you most unattractive. Nestled in his arms, she can't see that he is crying too.
Tears are already wetting his cheeks before Xander realizes that some of the tears are his own. He rocks her as they both cry for what seems like an eternity.
When they are both cried out, he continues to hold her and rock her. One thing that age has taught him is patience. Somehow, he seems to understand all the complicated and messy reasons that she was crying for. Hell, he was crying for those same reasons. When she finally pulls back from him. She smiles. "I must look hideous."
"Actually, I was thinking that I haven't seem a more beautiful sight."
At a loss for words, she starts to get back to work, when he catches her again. "Stop for just a minute, OK?"
"Ah, sure." She still seems a little nervous.
Taking both of her hands in his own, he goes on, "Dawnie, I want you to know that - that my intentions towards you - with you - are completely honorable. I would have never - I would have never done what we did today - if I didn't intend on being with you until the day I die."
All she can think of is that he looks as if he is headed off to another funeral, not professing his love. Before she can stop herself, she butts in, " Xander, it's OK. I didn't ask for anything, it's cool."
He responds in a firmer voice, the earlier awkward tenderness giving way to something deeper, stronger. "Dawnie, don't do that. You know full well that what we did today is the most important thing that either of us have ever done. And I am damn well not going to screw it up and neither are you."
She is caught by the harshness of his words. This is the part of Xander that has been fashioned from heartache and loss and courage. She admits to herself that part of her - the little girl without her daddy, the teenager with no clue - finds great comfort in this alpha male setting some limits, deciding where they are going.
She nods solemnly, "Yes, sir." Before she breaks out in a smile. Devilishly she adds, "Do you want to spank me?"
Her playfulness draws him out in his darkening mood. "You watch yourself, little girl." He teases.
After the tears and the limit testing, both seem back to themselves. Xander lies back on the pillows, "Do your worst, I'm yours to do with what you will."
****************************
In Joyce's old room, Willow and Kennedy are turning in. Willow brushes Kennedy's long dark hair as they unwind.
Still unaware of the majority of the complex ties between the Scoobies, Kennedy speaks out in her blunt way. "So, what's the deal with Xander doing the deed with Dawn? Last time I looked, she looked all grown up to me. She's what a year younger than me if that. I lost my virginity when I was fifteen."
Kennedy senses that she has said the wrong thing as she senses Willow tense up as she stops brushing her hair. She turns to Willow, readying herself for a discussion that she's in no mood for.
When Willow begins to talk, she's stammering like she does when she's uneasy. "It's just Dawnie is, well in a way, she's been like a little girl to all of us. We've had to take care of her, see that she was OK. It's like seeing someone in a place that you never thought you would. And Xander, well, Xander - I don't know. I never saw this one coming. They have been a lot closer this year and when he came back from the hospital, she was right there."
Willow pauses, it is obvious that she is trying to come to some sort of conclusion about this new twist. Kennedy has learned that Willow likes to categorize everything and right now she is trying to decide what box to put this one in. Given the time that she is taking, Kennedy guesses that this one has even thrown the witch for a loop.
When she gets ready to speak, her face has cleared and she seemed less worried. "Xander is my friend. God, last year, if it hadn't been for him. Well, you know ---. I believe in him. I don't think he'd hurt Dawnie for the world. If this is what he wants - what she wants - I'm with them. When I lost Tara, I didn't think I was going to make it ---." Willow shakes her head a bit, deciding not to go down that path. "I just think if --- if they love each other, good for them."
****************************
Xander is waiting on Dawn so he can turn off the light. Part of this little nighttime ritual seems so right. He sees her open a drawer and take out a couple pills. She grabs the glass of water that he has used to take his own pills and swallows before climbing in bed.
"You OK?"
"Yeah, why? Oh the pills! I've been on the pill since I went to the doctor last year. You know, just in case. Plus I took two Advil. I am kind of sore - but a good, yummy kind of sore." She adds.
Xander feels his stomach drop for about the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours, "Oh Dawnie, I totally forgot about birth control. What a jerk!"
"It's OK, I didn't expect you to - it's my body, I'll take care of it."
She sounds so mature when she says this, it warms his heart - this combination of responsibility and innocence. "Still, Dawn, I should have at least thought about it, asked about it. I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you!"
She laughs at his pronouncement, "Hey, you are talking to Nurse Dawnie, I'll have you know."
He pulls her close with one arm as he reaches to turn out the light with the other, "I love you, you know? I guess we just need to learn to take care of each other."
She turns so that he can spoon her in his arms as they fall off to sleep, "Sounds like a plan," she whispers.
***********************************
Spike has finally gotten settled after smoking one last cigarette with Faith. Got to hand it to the girl - she's tough. At least that what she projects. He knows that sometimes what you say and what you do are two very different things.
While he would prefer to keep to a nocturnal schedule, the only time it's quiet around this place is between 3:00 AM and 9:00 AM. Might as well try to rest up, God knows what's coming down the pipe next.
As soon as the door opens, he knows it's Buffy. He's immediately on his feet, grabbing for his shoes. "I'm coming, Ducks. What is it now?" He asks as she makes it to the bottom step.
She shakes her head. "No, it's not anything like that. It's nice and quiet. Faith and I didn't ever find anything on patrol."
He sits back down on his cot and surprisingly she sits down beside of him and grasps his hand. Leaning on his shoulder, she sighs.
Such moments with Buffy are pure danger and he finds himself holding an unneeded breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.
TBC
Chapter 11
It feels pretty weird being back in Dawnie's room after everything that has happened in the course of the day. Lots of feelings keep zapping through Xander's head - the head-over-heels feeling being one of them. That being the most prevalent, there is also worry, guilt and fear. Worry over how this will play out, how it will end of affecting Dawn, guilt over the disparity in their ages and his lack of care over it, and last but not least the fear that something out of his control will swoop down and rip them apart. While a close examination of this jumble of emotions might typically point to paranoia, in the Hellmouth, it seems like plain good sense.
Xander spends several minutes trying to figure out what to wear or not wear to sleep in. This decided, the dilemma progresses to above the sheets or below the sheets. Ultimately, he decides that life is just too damn short and unexpected. He goes with the boxers and a T-shirt under the covers.
When Dawn opens the door, she has already put on Buffy's Sushi pajamas. She dutifully carries all the first aid supplies with her. With a bit of a forced smile, she announces, "Nurse Dawn, reporting for duty."
Xander catches the awkwardness in her demeanor. "Tough crowd, huh?"
She looks at him blankly, "Downstairs, I mean, tough crowd."
"Ah, yeah." She answers as she climbs up on the bed to face him. He reaches out and takes her hand before she can start with the nurse-bit.
Hesitantly, she brings her eyes up to meet his. He waits until she looks at him before he continues, "Hey, just stop a minute. You having some regrets? Cause' if you are, Dawn, I'm ---"
She doesn't give him any time to finish before she interrupts, "No, double no, triple no, no! It's just - it's just - coming back into all this kind- of takes the wind out of your sails, ya' know?"
He smiles a warm, gentle smile. "I take your meaning and I second it. It is pretty weird. Anya didn't help matters. I'm sorry, sometimes I forget how she can be---"
Her eyebrows come together in a wrinkle at the mention of Anya's name. Sometimes it seems like Anya is everything she's not - poised, worldly--- hell, otherworldly! "It's OK, I know---"
She looks down as she finishes as he immediately senses her worry. He draws her chin up again so that she is looking at him. Suddenly, there is a playful light in his eye - Oh God, she thinks - not two but one - eye. She reacts to all the stresses and joys of the day and before he can speak, a tear slides down her face.
Xander sees the tear and pulls her into his arms. Once in the safety of his embrace, the tears fall more forcefully until she is having a good cry - the kind that will leave you most unattractive. Nestled in his arms, she can't see that he is crying too.
Tears are already wetting his cheeks before Xander realizes that some of the tears are his own. He rocks her as they both cry for what seems like an eternity.
When they are both cried out, he continues to hold her and rock her. One thing that age has taught him is patience. Somehow, he seems to understand all the complicated and messy reasons that she was crying for. Hell, he was crying for those same reasons. When she finally pulls back from him. She smiles. "I must look hideous."
"Actually, I was thinking that I haven't seem a more beautiful sight."
At a loss for words, she starts to get back to work, when he catches her again. "Stop for just a minute, OK?"
"Ah, sure." She still seems a little nervous.
Taking both of her hands in his own, he goes on, "Dawnie, I want you to know that - that my intentions towards you - with you - are completely honorable. I would have never - I would have never done what we did today - if I didn't intend on being with you until the day I die."
All she can think of is that he looks as if he is headed off to another funeral, not professing his love. Before she can stop herself, she butts in, " Xander, it's OK. I didn't ask for anything, it's cool."
He responds in a firmer voice, the earlier awkward tenderness giving way to something deeper, stronger. "Dawnie, don't do that. You know full well that what we did today is the most important thing that either of us have ever done. And I am damn well not going to screw it up and neither are you."
She is caught by the harshness of his words. This is the part of Xander that has been fashioned from heartache and loss and courage. She admits to herself that part of her - the little girl without her daddy, the teenager with no clue - finds great comfort in this alpha male setting some limits, deciding where they are going.
She nods solemnly, "Yes, sir." Before she breaks out in a smile. Devilishly she adds, "Do you want to spank me?"
Her playfulness draws him out in his darkening mood. "You watch yourself, little girl." He teases.
After the tears and the limit testing, both seem back to themselves. Xander lies back on the pillows, "Do your worst, I'm yours to do with what you will."
****************************
In Joyce's old room, Willow and Kennedy are turning in. Willow brushes Kennedy's long dark hair as they unwind.
Still unaware of the majority of the complex ties between the Scoobies, Kennedy speaks out in her blunt way. "So, what's the deal with Xander doing the deed with Dawn? Last time I looked, she looked all grown up to me. She's what a year younger than me if that. I lost my virginity when I was fifteen."
Kennedy senses that she has said the wrong thing as she senses Willow tense up as she stops brushing her hair. She turns to Willow, readying herself for a discussion that she's in no mood for.
When Willow begins to talk, she's stammering like she does when she's uneasy. "It's just Dawnie is, well in a way, she's been like a little girl to all of us. We've had to take care of her, see that she was OK. It's like seeing someone in a place that you never thought you would. And Xander, well, Xander - I don't know. I never saw this one coming. They have been a lot closer this year and when he came back from the hospital, she was right there."
Willow pauses, it is obvious that she is trying to come to some sort of conclusion about this new twist. Kennedy has learned that Willow likes to categorize everything and right now she is trying to decide what box to put this one in. Given the time that she is taking, Kennedy guesses that this one has even thrown the witch for a loop.
When she gets ready to speak, her face has cleared and she seemed less worried. "Xander is my friend. God, last year, if it hadn't been for him. Well, you know ---. I believe in him. I don't think he'd hurt Dawnie for the world. If this is what he wants - what she wants - I'm with them. When I lost Tara, I didn't think I was going to make it ---." Willow shakes her head a bit, deciding not to go down that path. "I just think if --- if they love each other, good for them."
****************************
Xander is waiting on Dawn so he can turn off the light. Part of this little nighttime ritual seems so right. He sees her open a drawer and take out a couple pills. She grabs the glass of water that he has used to take his own pills and swallows before climbing in bed.
"You OK?"
"Yeah, why? Oh the pills! I've been on the pill since I went to the doctor last year. You know, just in case. Plus I took two Advil. I am kind of sore - but a good, yummy kind of sore." She adds.
Xander feels his stomach drop for about the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours, "Oh Dawnie, I totally forgot about birth control. What a jerk!"
"It's OK, I didn't expect you to - it's my body, I'll take care of it."
She sounds so mature when she says this, it warms his heart - this combination of responsibility and innocence. "Still, Dawn, I should have at least thought about it, asked about it. I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you!"
She laughs at his pronouncement, "Hey, you are talking to Nurse Dawnie, I'll have you know."
He pulls her close with one arm as he reaches to turn out the light with the other, "I love you, you know? I guess we just need to learn to take care of each other."
She turns so that he can spoon her in his arms as they fall off to sleep, "Sounds like a plan," she whispers.
***********************************
Spike has finally gotten settled after smoking one last cigarette with Faith. Got to hand it to the girl - she's tough. At least that what she projects. He knows that sometimes what you say and what you do are two very different things.
While he would prefer to keep to a nocturnal schedule, the only time it's quiet around this place is between 3:00 AM and 9:00 AM. Might as well try to rest up, God knows what's coming down the pipe next.
As soon as the door opens, he knows it's Buffy. He's immediately on his feet, grabbing for his shoes. "I'm coming, Ducks. What is it now?" He asks as she makes it to the bottom step.
She shakes her head. "No, it's not anything like that. It's nice and quiet. Faith and I didn't ever find anything on patrol."
He sits back down on his cot and surprisingly she sits down beside of him and grasps his hand. Leaning on his shoulder, she sighs.
Such moments with Buffy are pure danger and he finds himself holding an unneeded breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.
TBC