End of part one of this fict, not end of the entire fict!
The lyrics at the end of this chapter are from the song "Our Farewell", like I said before, from the Dutch rockband Within Temptation. My fav song...
Many therapist say that, when you're mourning a friend or relative, it helps to write a letter to them, even though they'll never read it. So that's what Remus is doing in this chapter...
Enjoy, and keep your tissues ready.
December 31, 1981.
"How can the world just carry on?
I fell so lost when you're not at my side."
The flickering flames illuminated the parchment, the quill and the bottle with ink. Remus carefully removed the cap and dipped his quill in the black ink. Bowing over the parchment, he hesitated for a moment, then he began to write.
"December 31, 1981.
Dear James,
The familiar name, written in black ink, shone in the light of the fire until the ink dried. That one name almost took all of Remus' courage to write on, but he dipped his quill in the ink again, and wrote on.
Today it's exactly two months ago. So much has happened, there is so much I wanted to tell you, but couldn't,
his hand paused for a moment
that's why I'm writing this to you. I moved out only yesterday. I'm now living in a very small cottage in Derbyshire. It's really small and really old, there are mice and I have to get water from a well in the garden, but it's totally mine. I need to decorate and furnish it – I am sitting on a mattress on the floor right now, in front of the fireplace, with boxes around me, and the piece of parchment I'm writing on is resting on an encyclopaedia. Your box is standing only a few feet away from me, I can see my name in your handwriting. I have not opened it – I wonder if I ever will.
Remus raised his head to look at the object he'd just written about. Photos, drawings, books, that kind of things… His sensitive ears suddenly heard the cat walking in the room above his head, searching for mice. He smiled.
Your cat is having the time of his life here. I believe he's never seen so many mice. I named him Silver, because of his silver-grey fur. Yes, I know, it's a weird name, and no, my hands don't burn when I touch him. That's exactly what Sirius would say.
His hand stopped writing again. He stared at Sirius' name. He had not wanted to write about him, but he'd lost his attention when imagining his friends' reaction.
Sirius…
Sirius is in Azkaban now, the most heavily guarded prisoner. He's to stay there for the rest of his life, which, I expect, will not be long. You know what some are saying? 'We could have expected it, he tried to kill someone when he was only sixteen.' Snape, remember? They're trying to find out when he went wrong, but can you do that? James, did you know
a few moments hesitation
it was Sirius? Did you know it was him, your best friend? And why?
It doesn't really matter anymore, he's in Azkaban now. He never got a trial, Peter's last words were evidence enough. Reports tell that he said 'Lily and James, Sirius, how could you!', only seconds before Sirius blew him to pieces with his wand. And why would Peter lie when he was facing an almost sure death? Sirius had always been better in duelling, and apparently his friends' lives didn't matter to him anymore.
James, I
his hand trembled
miss you. I miss waking up and seeing your owl almost crashing into my window, a letter with an invitation tied to its paw. Discussing Quidditch, playing with Harry – I believe he's living with Lily's sister now, but I'm not sure, Dumbledore refused to tell me –, the five of us going to the beach like we did last summer. You and Lily and Harry were like a family to me. Sirius destroyed that. I miss you so badly -
His vision became blurred with tears again. In a sudden burst of anger he grabbed the parchment and threw it in the fire. The hungry flames almost instantly turned the words into ash. Remus covered his face in his hands…
In my hands
Legacies of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can almost see your smile
Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the ones I loved
Is this our farewell?
Sweet darling, you worry too much
My child, see the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are
Never thought this day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you're not at my side
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the ones I loved
Is this our farewell?
Sweet darling, you worry too much
My child, see the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are
So sorry your world is tumbling down
I will watch you through these nights
Rest your head and go to sleep
'Cause my child, this is not our farewell
This is not our farewell…
** END OF PART ONE **