The Secret Diaries of The Lost Boys

Marko's Diary DAY 1

David in snotty mood.  Still having problems getting the uncut version of "The Exorcist" from Max.  Minor amusement had by electrocuting Star.  Is there nothing she won't do for David?

All things have repercussions.  Electrocution was funny, but now Star's hair is huge and she's stolen my hair products.  Am sulking.  Have asked David to tell her to give them back but David says that must learn to fight own battles.

Hate Star.

DAY 2

Still don't have hairspray back.  Glad I stored the mousse away in back of cave.

David and Star broken up.  Star huffy, and baffled by gift of stoic seven year old.  Am also baffled.

Have asked Paul why David would give Star anything but a quick stake through the heart but Paul also confused.  Dwayne not talking to any of us because of discussion of hair taking over usual conversations.

Smug git.  Just because he doesn't have to use mousse and hairspray he expects us to all be so effortlessly adorable.

Hate Dwayne.

LATER

There is a god!  (Note to self:  Must not say that aloud, David will get cross).  Star's hair caught fire.  Maybe I don't want hairspray back if it's as flammable as that.

DAY 3

Hate everyone in cave.  Tried to lend Star my mousse (having mixed it with lighter fluid first) but Star still in a snit about flammable hair, thinks I left hairspray out deliberately.  No, just wish I had.  Accused me of dying my hair.

Bitch.

I am a natural blonde.

And I'm naturally curly, which is more than I can say for her.

David has vetoed all hair conversations, with threats of sacrifice to Beelzebub.  Didn't work, Paul and Dwayne volunteered.

David in far snottier mood after visiting Max.  Still don't have "The Exorcist" uncut version, not sure why Max called it "The Sound of Music" – maybe they have to talk in code about banned films?  Anyhoo, we liked Maria who works there, but David still pissed about his video and said no blaming her hair.

DAY 4

Star still in mood.  Have asked if we can just stake her, but have been told no.  Hate David and his stupid rules.

David wants to bring a new member to gang.  Refrained from pointing out this is not a wise move.  Star is not exactly a big hit, is she?  To prove this point she said we should initiate a redhead.  Paul quickly agreed saying Cyndi Lauper would be a good choice.  Does the boy have no brains?  It's too late.  Has he seen the way she scrunches her mouth on the "Good Love" video?  Ms Lauper quite obviously under influence of dark power already.

David knew this and told Paul to leave cave and not come back until he was thinking rationally again.  Paul said it was day.  David let him off.

Spoilsport.

LATER

Oh good.  Another big haired nonce is part of the gang.  Kept hoping when we were dangling off the bridge that David had given him wine instead of blood by mistake.

Would be highly entertaining to see Michael resemble a splat of strawberry jam.

DAY 5

Watched rather amusing fight between David and Star re: hair.  Both v. pissed off.  Both insulted each other.  Star flounced off.

David then spent the next two hours asking us if we liked his hair.  V. tiresome.  Kept having to lie and tell him yes.  Getting v. annoyed with David, him and Star bad as each other, and both have terrible hair.

Stuck gum in Dwayne's hair as way of relief.  Cannot attack David directly as might be killed, so had to annoy Dwayne instead.  Am sick of his Herbal Essence Advert hair.  He makes no effort with it, I spend four hours a day combing frizz-ease through mine.

Went out and killed several people with perfect hair.  Ha!

DAY 6

David in snotty mood again.  Tried to cheer him up by telling him that Paul has had the uncut version of "The Exorcist" all along, but he just flounced off saying it wasn't the same and he wanted the copy from the rental store.

Sigh.

In other news:  Am convinced stoic child spoke.  Paul is convinced he sneezed.  Argument quickly became a fight.  Star bounced up and down yelling "Kill him!" encouragingly, but not entirely sure who it was directed at.

Fight ended when Dwayne picked us up by hair.  Still hate Dwayne.  Am annoyed now.  Have cave dust in hair and all over jacket.

Paul and I are plotting to bleach his hair while he sleeps.

LATER

Staked by annoying children.  Managed to ooze all over David's boots before dying so not entirely a wasted exercise.