Well, here's the next chapter!
I COMPLETELY forgot to mention The Cameo in the last chapter, but you've all noticed her – that woman in the pub – anyway, and if you don't know who she is... then why are you reading Harry Potter fanfiction anyway?!
I do hope you all liked the last chapter – according to the reviews, you did! I'm very happy about my idea of posting two versions of that particular bit (you know what I'm talking about...). Fanfiction.net won't be after my skin for posting R-rated stuff in a PG13-fict...
About this chapter: my mom reckoned it was a very lousy reason for Remus to, uhm, act or don't act like he does in this chapter (don't want to spoil it for you, just read it), but the only thing I can say in my defence is that, well, I couldn't come up with anything better... shame on me. I had this huge fight planned, people screaming at one another and a werewolf-hunt with people with pitchforks and such, but I cowered out... I couldn't do it! My nerve failed me... just like a certain person's nerve did... and now I'm spoiling the story anyway. I cried when I wrote this (really! Perhaps I shouldn't've listened to all those sad lovesongs...), but when I read it back, I actually dislike/hate it... oh well.
Enjoy... more or less...
"I feel stupid."
"I feel stupider."
"I feel stupidst."
"That isn't a word, Meg."
"It is now!" replied Meghan indignantly. "I just invented it! Who's idea was it, that we'd all dress up like Muggles?"
"Blame Remus," her big sister answered. "It was his idea."
"And boy did it make him popular," added Michael cheerfully.
"Okay, no need to rub it in," was Remus' grumpy comment. "I got it the first time."
"We just all look ridiculous," said Michael. Indeed, the group of wizards on the peer looked utterly stupid, dressed in Muggles clothes that just did not fit together, or with horrible colours that didn't match. "Even with our normal clothes we would look more like Muggles."
"But it isn't Remus' fault he has a stupid idea," said Meghan protectively.
"It wasn't?"
"No!"
"Then who's fault was it?"
"Ehm…"
"And while Meg thinks about that, we can just go back to our normal business," said Michael, "which is the all-popular Remus-scolding."
"Now I'm getting depressed," said Remus. "The idea itself was good, wasn't it? Can't you just shut up about it?"
"No!" replied everybody who heard this comment.
"Let's get going," said someone after the laughter had faded. The group started walking in the direction of the small harbour, not paying attention to the number of tourist looking curiously at them and taking pictures. A somewhat chagrined Remus was walking in the rear with Crystal, Meghan and Michael.
"There is a bright side to all this," Michael concluded when he saw two people taking pictures of a wizard, dressed in a bright green kilt and an orange sweater.
"And that is?" grunted Remus.
"We'll be in photo-albums all over the world! We'll be famous!"
"Oh sure, they'll advertise for us," muttered Remus, kicking a non-existing pebble.
"Yep. 'Visit the victims of a tragic fashion-disaster' they'll say," continued Michael merrily. Remus snapped. He fell dramatically on his knees, raised his hands above his head and cried out: "what have I done to deserve this?!"
"You suggested we'd all dress up like Muggles," said Meghan helpfully. Remus stared at her, lost for words.
"Okay, show's over," interrupted Crystal. She nudged Remus in his ribs with her knee. "Get up, everybody's looking at us!"
Obediently, he got to his feet.
"Now, you go that way," she ordered Michael, pointing to the left. "And we go to the right."
"Sure," shrugged Michael. And without further discussion he left.
"I don't get him," said Remus, scratching his head.
"I don't think anybody does," replied Crystal. "C´mon, let's go. let's see if we can find the monster."
~*~
Remus carefully tested the muddy ground, to see if he could stand on it properly. The banks of Loch Ness were covered with plants, pebbles and mud. In the distant, Remus could see the Ness Quest, the boat filled with wizards, float on the water. The loch itself was quiet and peaceful. A weak October sun tried to warm them all, but it hadn't much effect.
"I think it's okay," he told the two sisters behind him. He pulled one boot free from the mud with a disgusting sucking sound. "Though it won't be easy."
"That's why we have rubber boots," said Crystal, slowly walking to him, while she carefully placed her feet.
"Where are we looking for, actually?" Meghan curiously wanted to know.
"We told you," replied her sister a bit shortly. "Nessie. Just look for anything unusual."
"Like?"
"Footprints that shouldn't be there."
"Like hoofprints?" pointed Meghan. Crystal glanced down, then took a better look. There, in the mud, stood clearly a few footprints of a horse. That wasn't that strange, except that those prints showed that the horse came out of the water…
"Meg, I love you!" she said happily. "And don't look at him like that!" she added after she saw her sister glance at Remus. "You know what I mean!"
"What are we going to do now?" Remus inquired.
"I suggest we try and find out where the footprints are going to, and then we contact the others that we found Nessie," decided Crystal. "You're plan seems to work out after all…"
~*~
"Well, what did you say about wearing Muggle clothes?" asked Remus teasingly.
"Let me quote you," groaned Michael. "'I got it the first time'…"
"But I was right," Remus said triumphantly.
"Until we prove it was someone who tried to ride a horse on the banks of Lock Ness," tried Michael.
"Sure, if you want to believe that…" Remus waved to the bartender of The Kelpie Spotter, the local wizard pub, named after all those Muggles who claimed to have seen Nessie and who were believed to be drunk. The man behind the bar nodded and started pouring two butterbeers.
"You certainly embraced our habits," concluded Michael, seeing Remus' signal.
"Yeah, I think I did…" Remus answered thoughtfully. "Like I've been living here for months."
"And it's not even a month since Meg found you and dragged you home." The bartender arrived with the butterbeer and the two men gladly accepted the warm drinks. "And now you'll be leaving in a few days."
Remus nodded and took a sip of his butterbeer. It was true, but he didn't want to think about it.
"Can't we really persuade you to stay here?" asked Michael. "You really have a talent for working with animals, you know. We'd be happy to have you in our group."
"No, thank you. It's really a kind offer, but I can't…"
"Why not?" the other insisted. "What is so important?"
Remus hesitated. "Just…"
"What?"
"I can't tell you."
"What is it? Some dark secret? Did you kill someone or something?"
Michael looked Remus right in his eyes, his expression honest. He'd become one of Remus' best friends here, someone of his own age, almost like James or Sirius. Remus was on the brink of telling him, but something held him back…
"Remus, please? Can't you trust me?"
Can I trust you? Could I trust Sirius? it shot through Remus' mind. Why don't you tell him? You told the Marauders. He opened his mouth.
But they found out themselves…
"I… my best friends were killed by You Know Who," he suddenly said. Michael blinked. What he had expected; certainly not this.
God, that's terrible," he said finally. "I'm sorry, I really am…"
Remus smiled wryly. "Shit happens."
"Yeah, but this is not some little thing – your best friends!" He seemed to take it far worse than Remus, but Remus had grown used to it. Now that he though about it; he had grown used to it. The thought of James and Lily still stung, and he doubted that would ever go away, but it didn't really hurt anymore.
"When did it happen?" Michael inquired carefully.
"Almost ten years ago."
"So… shortly before – you know, Harry Potter?"
The name startled Remus for a moment. Though he was used to the fact that James and Lily were death, it was still strange to him that their son was famous.
"Yes…" he said slowly. "Shortly before that… They were one of the last victims of the Dark Lord." Well, that ís true…
Michael shifted shyly with his glass, unsure what to say. Finally, he said: "You think you'll ever come back?", thus giving in to Remus' decision to leave.
Why, pondered Remus, do people, when they feel sorry for you, tend to let you get away with things they normally wouldn't have accepted?
"Maybe, I don't know yet," he answered. "If I come back, I´ll try and get you all dressed up like Muggles again."
The tension broke. Michael tried to glare but burst into laughter. "No way. There is no way I´ll ever put those clothes on again!"
"Not even if I come back?" tried Remus.
"Not even if my life depended on it!" Michael laughed, then continued: "no, seriously, I´d really like it if you'd come back."
"We'll see," said Remus. It all more or less depends on one person…
~*~
Only the cry of the birds and the sound of the water broke the silence. Remus was walking next to Crystal, who'd invited him for an evening walk. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and was fighting an internal battle with himself. Okay, he could just tell her he was a werewolf, that he transformed into a man-eating animal once a month, and just face the consequences. But he didn't dare think about what she would say, how she would react. C'mon, admit it, you're just scared. Scared of what she would think of you. There you are, Remus Lupin, he thought, full-grown wizard, qualified in the Dark Arts, and you're worrying about what someone would think of you!
But this is not just someone…he told himself. I love her. I love her and I'm scared of what she'll think of me, isn't that strange?
Crystal was unaware of his thoughts. She did notice however that there was something serious on his mind, but she thought it best not to interrupt him. He'd eventually tell her, she assured herself.
The part of Remus that was telling him that he should tell the truth was winning. What do you gain with not saying anything? Nothing. She loves you, she'll accept it…
And what if she doesn't? Don't think about that. It hasn't happened yet; worry about that later… tell her!
He abruptly turned to her. "Crystal."
He'd startled her, he could see it. "Yes, what is it?"
"There's… there's something I want to tell you…" Good, that was a good start.
She nodded encouraging, beckoning him to go on. He took a few deep breaths. Do it!
His courage suddenly failed him. He couldn't do it. The mere thought of her hating him – he just couldn't. He had opened his mouth but couldn't say a word.
"What?" she finally broke the silence. He'd waited too long.
"I just don't want to go, but – but I have to," he said, and he heard how stupid it sounded. He loathed himself, he could almost feel the tears of disappointment sting in his eyes.
"I don't want you to go either," she said, stepped forward and took him in a warm hug. He covered his face in her hair and tightly shut his eyes, not wanting to cry.
You lost her, it echoed in his head. You lost her. You didn't dare tell her the truth, and now you lost her…
~*~
Remus had greatly disappointed himself. He was scolding himself those last two days because he had lost his courage. He tried to find an occasion to talk to Crystal, but it was no use. Everybody, it seemed, wanted to talk to him, wanted to say a few things "before he left". The only times he had some rest were the evenings and the nights, but he didn't want to disturb them. He treasured those moments, Crystal in his arms, the illusion that time stopped and that that moment was going to last forever.
But he knew it wouldn't, it never would…
~*~
"I miss you already," said Meghan, a sad expression on her face.
"And I'm not even gone yet!" replied Remus, trying to sound cheerful.
"Shows how much she likes you," said Michael. He stretched out his hand. "Too bad you're going. But maybe later?"
"Maybe," Remus said, shaking the other man's hand. Probably not, though…
"Can I take you to the station?" Meghan begged.
"No," Crystal said. "I'm taking him to the station." The tone of her voice warned her sister not to try and ask it again.
"Okay," she replied timidly.
Remus picked up his old suitcase. "Did I say goodbye to everyone?"
"I guess so," said Mr McCowan. "Time to go."
Remus nodded. He had never known just how much the old man knew of Remus' relation with his daughter, and he'd probably never find out either. It was too late to start worrying about that.
"Goodbye then."
The others waved and called "goodbye!" after him as he started walking in the direction of the train station, Crystal at his side. When he was about to turn a corner, he turned around once more and waved. Then he walked on and they were gone. Crystal took his arm and held on to it as if she would die if she didn't. She pressed her lips together and her eyes shone with tears she didn't want to cry. He laid an arm around her shoulder and she buried her face in his coat, biting her lip, still trying to hold back her tears.
"Don't go," she whispered. "Please don't go…"
He didn't say anything, he knew that she knew that it had no use, that he would go. Instead he held her close in his arms, trying to comfort her. After some time, he said: "we should be going, the train…"
"Yes." She stepped back, swallowed some tears away. "Let's go then."
They continued their way to the train station, close together, those last minutes. They reached their destination far too soon.
"We're ten minutes too early," concluded Remus after checking the times the train departed. We have ten minutes left, he thought.
They looked at each other, lost for words. Remus studied her face and tried to memorise it, every line of it, how she looked as she stood there.
It can't have been ten minutes, they both thought when a bright blue train entered the station. It came to a noisy halt, it's doors opened and people streamed out of it.
Remus felt slightly panicked. He took her hand, not wanting to let go.
"Remus…" she said, her face showing what he felt. "No…"
He pulled her closer and kissed her for the last time, sadly and longingly. She answered his kiss, then pushed him back.
"Go," she whispered.
"I´ll write you," he said, already half in the train.
"No, don't write me," she said, tears flowing down her face. "Don't write me, please. I couldn't stand it…" Her eyes begged him to understand.
Somewhere, a whistle blew. The train started moving. He held on to her hand until he had to let go. Her mouth silently said his name. Her hand was stretched out, as if she was still holding his hand.
He looked at her until the tears blurred his vision.