The Secret Diaries of The Lost Boys

Dwayne's Diary

DAY 1

David electrocuted Star.  V. funny.  Almost felt expression coming on but managed to fight it off.

DAY 2

Hate everyone in cave.  Have all gone bonkers since Star got here, cannot cope.

David huffy over film (thinks he's so clever, I know it's "The Sound of Music" he really wants to rent), Marko and Star at war over hair.  Paul set her hair on fire, flames pretty but bad smell in cave now.  Wonder if we will die?

David given Star breaking up gift of small child.  Wonder if this is custom among vampires?  Must read up on it.  Like small child, never speaks.  Wish I could teach others to be as quiet.

DAY 3

Did not die.  Star's hair still huge despite most of it falling out.  Cave littered with charred curls.  V. disgusting.

Paul adopted spider to be Hound of Hell.  Have told him that Arachnid of Hell would be more apt but he got in a snit and flounced off to teach it to play dead.

LATER

Star has met a guy with hair as stupid as hers.  Am v. glad.  Hopefully she will leave and have strange afro-haired baby vamps with him.

Liked girl behind counter in Max's video store, but David v. huffy and wouldn't let us talk to her.  Cannot find his film, showed him they have "The Sound of Musli", parody about singing nuns and breakfast but David v. unimpressed.

DAY 4

Have stolen Paul's Arachnid of Hell.  V. amusing watching him ransack cave in attempt to find spider.

Michael (he of silly hair) has joined the group.  Not v. keen if you ask me.  Understandable, cave v. small with Star's hair in it.

DAY 5

Will stake self if hair conversations continue.  Have whittled self stake just in case.

Have taught Paul's spider to do can-can.  V. impressive seeing all 8 legs bounce.

LATER

Going to kill Marko.  Stuck gum in my hair.  V. annoyed.  Have stolen his money and used it to hire a couple of boys to kill him.

DAY 6

Fighting to keep straight face.  Accidentally stood on Paul's spider today, (RIP Sigmund, aka Arachnid of Hell), luckily fight broke out between Paul and Marko over whether small child spoke.  (Yes, he did, he sneezed, then said 'excuse me'), so placed spider's body on floor where M and P fighting.

Broke up fight, Paul saw spider, burst into tears.  V. amusing.  (On plus note, Paul given me $40 towards 'Let's Kill Marko' fund – yay, have made profit on this now!)

LATER

Colour me stunned, idiotic boys managed to kill Marko.

Used $40 from Paul to rent out every copy of "The Sound of Music" in Santa Carla just to annoy David.

V. proud of self.  Yes.

DAY 7

Dead.

Oh well, was bored anyway.