Chapter 6: Fear
Andy held Julia's hand as they sat in the waiting area in front of Dr. Hwang's office nervously anticipating the parent follow up session with Ephram's mental progress. Ephram had been attending his sessions consecutively for the past two weeks. His parents noticed improvements in Ephram's behavior and memory but there was always that hint of apprehensiveness when you have to hear it come out of the doctor's mouth.
Dr. Hwang let Ephram's parents into his office and seated them on black cushioned chairs. Andy noticed the office was striped of the beanbag chairs and retro décor. It was back to the normal boring office of Dr. Albert Hwang.
"How's Ephram doing?" Andy asked after conversing briefly on lighter subjects.
"Andy, Ephram's a good kid. I haven't met many like him. He's very smart and articulate. I find he has a subtle rebellious streak but then again show me a teenager who doesn't. When it comes to being that age, all normal teenagers experience rambunctiousness." Dr. Hwang said. "I'm sure he's showed progress at home?"
"Yes, Ephram does seem happier and certainly laughs more than before. But when he gets passive, he gets really passive." Julia responded. "I remember a few times I couldn't get him to come out of his room no matter what I tried. At least he's talking less of Everwood."
"One thing I've learned about Ephram is that he looks up to the both of you very highly. He hates to fail either of you. He tries hard to gain your approval and meet your standards. And I think you are aware of that already." Dr. Hwang reasoned. "He wants to please you and he wants to be loved. I know you both love him very much but in his mind, he thinks he has to prove something to you."
"So, what do you make of the Everwood stories?" Andy questioned.
"Ephram and I discussed Everwood and all the important events and people revolving around that memory. And I've come to a conclusion of how it all fits in." Dr. Hwang said tapping his pen lightly on his desk. "Before I tell you what I've discovered, I just wanted to say that he's at a very sensitive and fragile point in his life right now. He's got a great deal of pressure and frustration in him mostly caused from the confusion brought on by the coma and resulting from repressed emotions confined in his subconscious mind."
Andy and Julia glanced at each other in concern and tightened their handgrip.
"What I'm about to tell you might be somewhat shocking. But Ephram and I have discussed just about every important factor here and he has come to a good understanding about his life and feelings so far. Sometimes it just helps to pinpoint the problem area to the patient right off the bat so he can understand why certain images run repetitively thru his head. I don't declare him to be cured but he should continue the sessions most definitely." Dr. Hwang folded his hands.
"Everwood is Ephram's alter-world. It's a place where he stores his anxiety. It's like a representation of his deepest fears. He is an extremely frightened child. Each character that lives in this fabrication of the truth is symbolic. When put together, they make up Ephram's inner fear." Dr. Hwang started. "I'm going to tell you in a minute what these types of fears are, but first I want to explain to you regarding this alter- world. You've probably heard Ephram talk about Everwood being a small town located in Colorado - in the middle of nowhere." Attentive nods from Andy and Julia were received.
"Being a new resident of this town and treated like an outsider, he sees himself as an outcast - a loner. Someone who people can't touch or get close to. He's isolated in this small town in the middle of nowhere. Kinda like living in a bubble. I mean, there's a reason why his brain picked a secluded place in the mountains instead of, say, a block in San Francisco. It's easier to get lost in the mountains. He hates this place and he's always searching for a way out but something's not letting him achieve that. This location factor represents his solitude. He's afraid of not belonging so his mind puts him in this place where no one understands him." Dr. Hwang paused briefly and opened his leather folder and browsed over some jotted notes. "As for the fears, all the characters in this surreal life represent a part of him."
"Now, Julia. In his stories, you died in the car wreck and he's morbidly heartbroken and overwhelmed by sadness because of the unexpected death. You were his best friend and the one who showed him the way when he was lost. Once that was taken away, he found comfort in his grief. He's afraid of loosing you and your love. That's his greatest fear. He put you on a pedestal and can't survive without you. He needs you tremendously. Even in your death, he defends your honor, because he knew you would've done the same for him." Dr. Hwang explained. "Stop me if you have any questions."
"No, please continue." Julia's voice shook.
"And in this story, Andy - he resents you for your family negligence and avoidance on being a workaholic. He resents you for suddenly starting to pay attention to him upon the death of your wife, whereas you never did before. Ephram wants to get close to you but he's afraid. Again, it's the issue of fear. In Julia's case, it was a fear of loosing her in a physical and emotional sense. In your case, he was afraid of loosing you to your job. It's a fear of you forgetting about him. There's a constant battle he's trying to fight between himself and your career. He's aware of the high demands of your job so don't think he doesn't know. In his alter- world, he was highly argumentative with you and this shows a craving for your attention. As far as I can tell, he loves you immensely."
Andy and Julia absorbed the fascinating findings of Dr. Hwang. It was amazing for things that were so in plain sight were so hard to see.
"Ephram told me about his acquaintances in this alter-world. As you may recall, Colin was the comatose boy with the head injury from the car wreck that you performed the life-saving operation on." Dr. Hwang smiled at Andy. "It's very interesting because Colin is like a reflection of Ephram. Look at it this way, they were both in near-fatal car accidents where they hit their head against the window. And both lapsed in comas and suffered amnesia. Subconsciously, Ephram knew he was in a car wreck in reality plus the fact that he was in a coma, even though he couldn't remember anything when he woke. Somehow, this transferred into his alter-world. You know how sometimes in dreams, you're on the outside watching yourself? Well, Ephram is displacing the same thing. Before Colin had the amnesia, he was the popular kid - one whom everyone liked. He had no enemies. But after the amnesia, he didn't remember his popularity at all and started to see things from a different perspective. Ephram could identify with it because he, too, needed acceptance and a sense of belongingness. Maybe he feels your love for him is slipping away." He paused and wet his lips. "But what I found even more interesting was - you know how you supposedly performed the life-saving operation that brought Colin back - well, there's an underlying message there. Ephram believes you are capable of saving HIS life. When all hope is lost, you will be there to pick him up. He looks to you like his super hero. He most likely will never admit it."
"I didn't know he looked up to me this extremely. Powerful stuff." Andy muttered completely dumbfounded.
"You can't underestimate the psychological aspect of the human mind. Something that may not be crucial to you may be overbearing for someone else. It's extraordinarily fascinating." Dr. Hwang answered before continuing.
"Oh but there's more. Amy. She's the girl of his dreams, one whom he will never have because she's Colin's girlfriend. She happens to be the first person Ephram tries to get close to because she understood him. But in the end, he gets cast aside and Amy finds her way back to Colin. And since Colin is a representation of Ephram, Amy is a part of both people. Amy represents his fear of rejection and hurt. He's afraid of being turned away by the ones he loved. Then there's Bright. Apparently, he's Amy's brother. Bright is the aggressive, insensitive, muscle-head, all brawn and no brains jock. He is the complete opposite of Ephram. This is a fear of intimidation. Ephram feels a certain threat in his life. Whether it is meeting your expectations or accomplishing his goals. He's scared to death of failure - especially to you - his parents." Dr. Hwang shifted in his executive black leather chair. "I would say these are the key roles. All the other characters play a very minute part in the world he has concocted. The minor content and memories, whether it's a person's appearance or a trait, Ephram must've picked it up from reality and leaked it into his Everwood life. It's quite possible for him to have unknowingly extracted some of the events from movies or TV shows he's seen or aspects taken from real people he knew or have observed."
"I think I'm still in shock." Julia stammered. "I never suspected any of this at all. I feel - well - kinda dumb right now."
"It's no way either of you could've known. Don't blame yourselves. People tend to hide their vulnerability. Especially for clever teenagers like Ephram, they hide their feelings unbelievably well. You won't find it if you don't dig deep enough. Everyone manages weaknesses differently. Some people overcome it by facing it while others bury it somewhere deep in their minds. Everwood was Ephram's way of dealing with his fears." Dr. Hwang analyzed.
"What do we have to do to make Ephram understand that his fears are irrational? We love him regardless if he's the perfect son or if he's the pain-in-the-ass son." Andy inquired still holding Julia's hand.
"Ephram is very needy right now. I suggest that you show your support for him. You should reassure him of your love for him. Tell him you love him every now and then. When he doesn't hear it, he gets discouraged. If he does something wrong or pisses you off, at this point, I don't think it's wise to yell at him too harshly. He's edgy and I'm afraid he'll go in the wrong direction. Just be patient and explain to him what he did or said was wrong. And for the things that he did right, it doesn't hurt to give a little praise." Dr. Hwang advised. "The poor kid's been aching for your attention lately. Spend some quality time with him in the near future. I think he needs it."
They chatted a little bit more regarding Ephram before thanking and leaving Dr. Hwang's office. Andy and Julia were still in shock from the follow up session they just attended. It was hard to believe that their son would ever have to doubt and fear their love for him.
* end of chapter 6 *
Andy held Julia's hand as they sat in the waiting area in front of Dr. Hwang's office nervously anticipating the parent follow up session with Ephram's mental progress. Ephram had been attending his sessions consecutively for the past two weeks. His parents noticed improvements in Ephram's behavior and memory but there was always that hint of apprehensiveness when you have to hear it come out of the doctor's mouth.
Dr. Hwang let Ephram's parents into his office and seated them on black cushioned chairs. Andy noticed the office was striped of the beanbag chairs and retro décor. It was back to the normal boring office of Dr. Albert Hwang.
"How's Ephram doing?" Andy asked after conversing briefly on lighter subjects.
"Andy, Ephram's a good kid. I haven't met many like him. He's very smart and articulate. I find he has a subtle rebellious streak but then again show me a teenager who doesn't. When it comes to being that age, all normal teenagers experience rambunctiousness." Dr. Hwang said. "I'm sure he's showed progress at home?"
"Yes, Ephram does seem happier and certainly laughs more than before. But when he gets passive, he gets really passive." Julia responded. "I remember a few times I couldn't get him to come out of his room no matter what I tried. At least he's talking less of Everwood."
"One thing I've learned about Ephram is that he looks up to the both of you very highly. He hates to fail either of you. He tries hard to gain your approval and meet your standards. And I think you are aware of that already." Dr. Hwang reasoned. "He wants to please you and he wants to be loved. I know you both love him very much but in his mind, he thinks he has to prove something to you."
"So, what do you make of the Everwood stories?" Andy questioned.
"Ephram and I discussed Everwood and all the important events and people revolving around that memory. And I've come to a conclusion of how it all fits in." Dr. Hwang said tapping his pen lightly on his desk. "Before I tell you what I've discovered, I just wanted to say that he's at a very sensitive and fragile point in his life right now. He's got a great deal of pressure and frustration in him mostly caused from the confusion brought on by the coma and resulting from repressed emotions confined in his subconscious mind."
Andy and Julia glanced at each other in concern and tightened their handgrip.
"What I'm about to tell you might be somewhat shocking. But Ephram and I have discussed just about every important factor here and he has come to a good understanding about his life and feelings so far. Sometimes it just helps to pinpoint the problem area to the patient right off the bat so he can understand why certain images run repetitively thru his head. I don't declare him to be cured but he should continue the sessions most definitely." Dr. Hwang folded his hands.
"Everwood is Ephram's alter-world. It's a place where he stores his anxiety. It's like a representation of his deepest fears. He is an extremely frightened child. Each character that lives in this fabrication of the truth is symbolic. When put together, they make up Ephram's inner fear." Dr. Hwang started. "I'm going to tell you in a minute what these types of fears are, but first I want to explain to you regarding this alter- world. You've probably heard Ephram talk about Everwood being a small town located in Colorado - in the middle of nowhere." Attentive nods from Andy and Julia were received.
"Being a new resident of this town and treated like an outsider, he sees himself as an outcast - a loner. Someone who people can't touch or get close to. He's isolated in this small town in the middle of nowhere. Kinda like living in a bubble. I mean, there's a reason why his brain picked a secluded place in the mountains instead of, say, a block in San Francisco. It's easier to get lost in the mountains. He hates this place and he's always searching for a way out but something's not letting him achieve that. This location factor represents his solitude. He's afraid of not belonging so his mind puts him in this place where no one understands him." Dr. Hwang paused briefly and opened his leather folder and browsed over some jotted notes. "As for the fears, all the characters in this surreal life represent a part of him."
"Now, Julia. In his stories, you died in the car wreck and he's morbidly heartbroken and overwhelmed by sadness because of the unexpected death. You were his best friend and the one who showed him the way when he was lost. Once that was taken away, he found comfort in his grief. He's afraid of loosing you and your love. That's his greatest fear. He put you on a pedestal and can't survive without you. He needs you tremendously. Even in your death, he defends your honor, because he knew you would've done the same for him." Dr. Hwang explained. "Stop me if you have any questions."
"No, please continue." Julia's voice shook.
"And in this story, Andy - he resents you for your family negligence and avoidance on being a workaholic. He resents you for suddenly starting to pay attention to him upon the death of your wife, whereas you never did before. Ephram wants to get close to you but he's afraid. Again, it's the issue of fear. In Julia's case, it was a fear of loosing her in a physical and emotional sense. In your case, he was afraid of loosing you to your job. It's a fear of you forgetting about him. There's a constant battle he's trying to fight between himself and your career. He's aware of the high demands of your job so don't think he doesn't know. In his alter- world, he was highly argumentative with you and this shows a craving for your attention. As far as I can tell, he loves you immensely."
Andy and Julia absorbed the fascinating findings of Dr. Hwang. It was amazing for things that were so in plain sight were so hard to see.
"Ephram told me about his acquaintances in this alter-world. As you may recall, Colin was the comatose boy with the head injury from the car wreck that you performed the life-saving operation on." Dr. Hwang smiled at Andy. "It's very interesting because Colin is like a reflection of Ephram. Look at it this way, they were both in near-fatal car accidents where they hit their head against the window. And both lapsed in comas and suffered amnesia. Subconsciously, Ephram knew he was in a car wreck in reality plus the fact that he was in a coma, even though he couldn't remember anything when he woke. Somehow, this transferred into his alter-world. You know how sometimes in dreams, you're on the outside watching yourself? Well, Ephram is displacing the same thing. Before Colin had the amnesia, he was the popular kid - one whom everyone liked. He had no enemies. But after the amnesia, he didn't remember his popularity at all and started to see things from a different perspective. Ephram could identify with it because he, too, needed acceptance and a sense of belongingness. Maybe he feels your love for him is slipping away." He paused and wet his lips. "But what I found even more interesting was - you know how you supposedly performed the life-saving operation that brought Colin back - well, there's an underlying message there. Ephram believes you are capable of saving HIS life. When all hope is lost, you will be there to pick him up. He looks to you like his super hero. He most likely will never admit it."
"I didn't know he looked up to me this extremely. Powerful stuff." Andy muttered completely dumbfounded.
"You can't underestimate the psychological aspect of the human mind. Something that may not be crucial to you may be overbearing for someone else. It's extraordinarily fascinating." Dr. Hwang answered before continuing.
"Oh but there's more. Amy. She's the girl of his dreams, one whom he will never have because she's Colin's girlfriend. She happens to be the first person Ephram tries to get close to because she understood him. But in the end, he gets cast aside and Amy finds her way back to Colin. And since Colin is a representation of Ephram, Amy is a part of both people. Amy represents his fear of rejection and hurt. He's afraid of being turned away by the ones he loved. Then there's Bright. Apparently, he's Amy's brother. Bright is the aggressive, insensitive, muscle-head, all brawn and no brains jock. He is the complete opposite of Ephram. This is a fear of intimidation. Ephram feels a certain threat in his life. Whether it is meeting your expectations or accomplishing his goals. He's scared to death of failure - especially to you - his parents." Dr. Hwang shifted in his executive black leather chair. "I would say these are the key roles. All the other characters play a very minute part in the world he has concocted. The minor content and memories, whether it's a person's appearance or a trait, Ephram must've picked it up from reality and leaked it into his Everwood life. It's quite possible for him to have unknowingly extracted some of the events from movies or TV shows he's seen or aspects taken from real people he knew or have observed."
"I think I'm still in shock." Julia stammered. "I never suspected any of this at all. I feel - well - kinda dumb right now."
"It's no way either of you could've known. Don't blame yourselves. People tend to hide their vulnerability. Especially for clever teenagers like Ephram, they hide their feelings unbelievably well. You won't find it if you don't dig deep enough. Everyone manages weaknesses differently. Some people overcome it by facing it while others bury it somewhere deep in their minds. Everwood was Ephram's way of dealing with his fears." Dr. Hwang analyzed.
"What do we have to do to make Ephram understand that his fears are irrational? We love him regardless if he's the perfect son or if he's the pain-in-the-ass son." Andy inquired still holding Julia's hand.
"Ephram is very needy right now. I suggest that you show your support for him. You should reassure him of your love for him. Tell him you love him every now and then. When he doesn't hear it, he gets discouraged. If he does something wrong or pisses you off, at this point, I don't think it's wise to yell at him too harshly. He's edgy and I'm afraid he'll go in the wrong direction. Just be patient and explain to him what he did or said was wrong. And for the things that he did right, it doesn't hurt to give a little praise." Dr. Hwang advised. "The poor kid's been aching for your attention lately. Spend some quality time with him in the near future. I think he needs it."
They chatted a little bit more regarding Ephram before thanking and leaving Dr. Hwang's office. Andy and Julia were still in shock from the follow up session they just attended. It was hard to believe that their son would ever have to doubt and fear their love for him.
* end of chapter 6 *