Disclaimer: We disclaim the noted artists and said written
materials/lyrics/references to lyrics/songs. They are used purely for
entertainment purposes only. The opinions and views expressed in this fic
by any and all borrowed/random characters are not necessarily the same
opinions of said authoresses.
Lady Sephiroth: ^_^ Necessarily.
Griffin: Disclaimer good for entire fic. No more inturruptions by disclaimers for you!
**** Monica: Hey ya'll, welcome back to the first annual Millenium Awards. In case ya'll didn't know, we'll be givin' out Millies to all the characters who deserve them.
Laura: (cheesy smile plastered across face) Or not.
Monica: Yeah, we pro'lly gone do a repeat of this yer's Grammys. That was a ripoff right there-Nora Jones winnin' 8 times. That talentless (omitted because of content); like she deserved all them awards.
Avril: (from somewhere in the audience) I should've won at least one!
Monica: No, you suck too. Anyway, onto the very first award. You know Laura, an anime like Yu-gi-ou wouldn't be complete without supporting characters. And by supprotin' I don't mean the people who help ya stand up.
Audience: *laughs politely*
Monica: What cha'll laughin' at? That was so lame.
Laura: (cheesy grin threatening to pull her skin right off her face) Yes, Monica, I believe you're right. These powerful supporting characters are just as important as the leading characters themselves, for without them, there would be.
Monica: No one to take the abuse of these twisted, warped authors as they run around rampant with their wretched views of what these characters do when they're not filming said anime.
Ryou: (to Bakura) Is that what we're doing here?
Bakura: (angrily) Quiet! If I can't take over the world, I want my shiny award! I know I'm going to win for something; best hairstyle perhaps? Or mintiest breath!
Yami: (grimacing) Your breath smells like a tomb.
Bakura: Your mother!
Yami: What?!
*the two proceed to fight violently as their hikari inch away from them slowly*
Monica: Anyway, onto the first category, which is Best Supporting Character!
Laura: (still smiling cheesily) And the nominees are.
*large screen appears behind them, flashing the nominees as they are named*
MV: Solomon Moto!
Grandpa: ^_^ Finally I'll be recognized as something other than the old man who's always in the way!
Monica: (snorts) That's what you think.
MV: Tea!
Tea: OO I was nominated for something?!
Monica; Don't worry, you won't win.
MV: Mokuba Kaiba!
Mokuba: (grins, bats eyes)
Audience: Aww.!
MV: Ishtar Isis!
Isis: (bows slightly in recognition)
Audience: *claps*
MV: Shadi!
Shadi: *looks extremely bored/indifferent*
Audience: *cheers slightly*
MV: And the Rare Hunters!
*crickets chirp*
Monica: Now that's just harsh right ther. Alright Laura, open the envelope if you please.
Laura: (opening said envelope) And the winner is..Mokuba!
A: *claps politely*
*Mokuba climbs onto the stage*
Monica: And look at what we got for the little cutie-his very own Milli. *hands him a large gold award in the shape of the Eye of Horus*
Mokuba: (accepting award) Thank you. I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me, and everyone who thinks I'm cute as a button. (bats eyelashes)
A: Aww.
Mokuba: Also I'd like to thank my brother Seto. Without his jerk-off attitude, I never could've been given a chance at the spotlight. I'm like the Ying to his Yang, and.
Monica: Alright cutie, that's enough. Why don't you scoot you little self on off to the back and have some Coke and Rum?
Mokuba: ^_^ Ok! (skips off backstage)
Laura: You do realize you just gave him access to all the liquor don't you?
Monica: (shrugging) He'll be alright. And now for our very first musical guest.What's that say Laura? I can't quite read the cue cards. (squints into distance)
Laura: (squinting as well) Erm.I think that says.Avril Lavigne.
Monica: Crappil Latrine? Aw.Well, ya'll gone hafta listen to the musical stylings of Crappril.
Avril: (from somewhere backstage) That's Avril!
Monica: Yeah, that's what I said, Snapple String Bean as she performs her not-yet-released-and-will-probably-never-be-due-to-her-talentless-nature, "Anything But Ordinary". How in the *beep* did she get booked for this anyway?
Laura: Usually they book the people who are either up and coming and need the exposure or worn out from too much spotlight in Hollywood. Which would explain why Jennifer Lopez is here.
Monca: Actually, nah, she's her cuz she my cousin.
Laura: (raises eyebrow) Your cousin.?
Monica: Ch'eah! You know we all cousins.
****Musical Performance****
*Avril's band set against the black curtains of the Millies*
Avril: (in her ever annoying rock voice) Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out...
Malik: She's freaking me out!
Yami Malik: (proceeds to lick Millenium Rod-turned-Dagger)
Malik: ...No, she's still creepier than you.
Avril: I laugh myself to sleep. It's my lullaby.
Malik: I've got a lullaby for her alright. A permanent lullabye.
Yami Malik: Lulla-bye-bye! (laughs maniacally)
*elsewhere down the row, Bakura and Yami continue to fight*
Yugi: Will you two knock it off?! I don't want to miss Avril's performance!
*Bakura bites Yami's ankle, Yami elbows him in the head*
Ryou: Yeah! She's a very moving songtress!
Seto: (snorting) Yeah, she's moving alright. Moving me to an early grave. Her singing's killing me.
*Each hikari pulls their yami away from each other and places them in seats opposite of themselves*
Yugi & Ryou: (to their other halves) Sit!
*each yami glares at each other, sticks out their tongue, and turn toward the stage*
Avril: Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out, and leave me here to bleed...
*The lights go out. There's a horrid scream, and then the lights flash back on, revealing a very dead Avril with her heart missing, leaving her on the stage to bleed just as she requested.*
Ryou & Yugi: (eyes widened in horror) Oh no!
*both boys rush up to the stage and surround the songstress*
Yugi: (hysterically) Avril please speak to me! Please! Don't die, Avril, don't die! AVRIL!!!
Avril: X_X
Ryou: (takes pulse, even though it's obviously pointless) Um, I think...
Yugi: No, don't say it!
Ryou:...She's dead.
*thunder rumbles, lightening flashes*
Ryou: ?? Where'd that come from?
Yugi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
*thunder rumbles, lightening flashes*
Ryou: ?_? Who's doing that?!
*Monica, Mokuba and Laura rush out onto the stage, Monica carrying a rum and Coke in one hand*
Laura: Oh my gods! Monica, she's dead.
Monica: Oh yeah? What gave it away?
Mokuba: Who's going to clean that up?
Monica: (sips drink casually) Stage crew of course. Somebody get this up. We got other people performing you know. (kicks Avril for good measure) Just makin sure she's really dead.
Laura: You mean we're going to continue? There might be a maniac running amok!
Monica: Can't be too crazy if he kilt' Avril. I say we owe him a favor. Let's get on over to the podium for the next award.
*Both girls and Mokuba move over to the podium*
****End Performance****
****at podium****
Laura: I can't believe this. This is so horrible.
Monica: Yeah, get over it. (sips drink casually) Her' to present the award for Creepiest Supporting Character, her's the resident creepy bad boys themselves, the Yami Malik, and the Yami, Bakura! And while that's goin' on, we gone go on backstage and change into one of our 50 outfits of the night.
Mokuba: Can I come!?
Monica: Aw, sure you can cutie!
Laura: Monica, are you crazy?!!
Monica: What? He just a little boy; what he gone do, take pictures or som'thin?
Mokuba: (grins evilly)
*Yami Malik and Bakura enter from left stage. Bakura trips on Avril's corpse, but quickly straightens himself.*
Bakura: (into mic) Is this thing on?
Yami Malik: (laughs maniacally)
Bakura: ...Right. You know, being creepy is not just a job, it's a privilege. There's a certain persona you have to keep up; not just everyone or anyone can do it. Isn't that right Ishtar?
Yami Malik: ...Must...kill...
Bakura: (rolls eyes) Screw these (beep) cue cards. Let's just present these stupid awards-it's a complete waste of time. I'm not even nominated.
MV: And the nominees for Creepiest Supporting Character are...Tea!
Audience: ...
MV: Tristan!
Audience: *scattered applause*
Tristan: I am NOT creepy! I resent that!
MV: Grandpa Motou!
Grandpa: Yea! Another nomination!
MV: Isis.
Audience: *continues to clap*
MV: Shadi!
Audience: *light cheering*
MV: And the Rare Hunters!
*crickets chirp*
Random Rare Hunter: (threatening to cry) No one likes us.
Bakura: Here Yami Malik, you do the honors. (hands him the envelope)
Yami Malik: (eats envelope)
Everyone: O.O
Bakura: Screw this. Let's go see what's backstage.
*disappears stage right*
*Monica, Mokuba and Laura are back, dressed in matching red. The girls are dressed like Jessica Rabbit, and Mokuba is wearing his usual clothes with bunny ears.*
Mokuba: Wow, I've got the most beautiful co-hosts in the world!
Monica: (grinning) Yes baby you do, and Laura don't look too bad either, do she?
Laura: -_-' I think he meant both of us.
Monica: You keep thinking that. Mokuba sweetie, would you do the honors please?
Mokuba: Sure! But before I do, I just wanna announce that I have in fact taken pictures of Monica and Laura getting dressed together! If you want to see them, go to mokuba.hentai.pervert.kaiba.org!
MV: Note: Not a real web address.
Laura: (horrified) YOU DID WHAT!?
Monica: Aw, now ain't that cute? He took pictures of us naked, just like you said he would.
Mokuba: (proudly) And downloaded them onto the internet almost instantaneously!
Monica: Aw...Now that deserves an Arbor Mist baby! (ruffles his hair fondly)
Laura: (grimacing) We'll be back after a word from our sponser.
****Commercial Break****
Gaia The Dragon Champion: Ahem...is this on? *taps mike* Eh, you are not worthy of standing in my presence!!
Director of commercial: -_- The microphone is on.
GTDC: Well, it's true! Ahem. When I find a woman that is equal in my beauty which will never happen...I want to look good on our dates....of course (confidently) I look good when I wake up in the morning, so...heh.
D: O.O
GTDC: I like to spray on this nice cologne that I'm being paid to promote. It's called...(looks at the bottle) um...La Fidele Toilet...I think that means the faithful toilet! Hmm...*sprays on cologne* O.o AHH!!! IT BURNS!!! (running around the stage wildly) GET IT OFF MY BEAUTIFUL SKIN!!!!
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you back to the Milli Awards. Originally, that film was not due to be aired at all, and we're sorry for the inconvenience.
GTDC: (runs behind man screaming) IT BURNS!!! DON'T BUY IT!! IT'S FROM MELVIN PINE!!!! IT HAS RUINED ME!!! RUINED!!!
****End Commercial****
Seto: This is milk. *sets carton on the table* And it does a body good. Kids, if you don't drink milk, you'll look like this. *drags Grandpa and Yugi out in front of the camera*. These are midgets. Why? Because their stupidity sadly stunted their growth. I have runts like these for breakfast. You would merely be a light snack...or part of a snack.
*one week later*
Seto: *to kid* Have you been drinking milk?
Kid: no....
Seto:...Good. I'm kind of hungry.
Kid: *screams*
*Seto dunks the child in a pool of milk drowning him in it.*
Seto: I didn't feel like eating him. *to the camera* If you don't drink milk, you'll drown in it. *turns to leave, his awesome coat-thingy blowing in the wind.*
****End Commercial**** Isis: Why Shadi, where are you going?
Shadi: To find you some acting lessons.
Isis: Hehe...where are you REALLY going?
Shadi: To the laundromat. If I'm going to slink around in my ever-creepy way, I'd like to be clean.
Isis: (cheesily) Yes, I have noticed that all of your Egyptian cotton looks so soft. How ever did you get it that way?
Shadi: Your mother.
Isis:...Do you use fabric softener?
Shadi:....Yes.
Isis: What kind?
Shadi: *sighs* Huggle. *under breath* Sure took me long enough.
Isis: (who clearly couldn't act her way out of a paper bag) Why, you mean the fabric softener?
Shadi:....Yes.
Isis: Well, whatever is the name of such a product that softens clothes as such?
Shadi: O.o Huggle. TM.
Isis: Well, I have heard that it feels smooth to even a snake.
Shadi: Why don't we test that theory? *throws a bucket of Huggle all over Isis, then throws a bucket of Egyptian Asps on her*
Isis: AHH!!!!
Shadi: Well, what do you know? You were right.
Huggle, so soft,...it's...huggable.
Man: (talking very fast) Side affects include rash, unclean clothes, leprosy and polio. We are not responsible for death, gout, loss of blood, loss of iron, loss of zinc, loss of vitamin c, or loss of child.
****End Commercial Break****
Laura: (still grimacing) Welcome back. In case you haven't noticed, Monica is promoting underage drinking as well as pornography, and someone's BIG BROTHER has no problem with it.
Seto: (on cell phone) Yea...no, I'll call you back-I think someone's talking about me. (hangs up, looks around cluelessly) What's going on? Where's Mokuba?
Laura:.-_-'
Mokuba: (with a bottle of Arbor Mist in hand) Isn't there something we're supposed to be doing right now?
Monica: Jus' drink ya Arbor Mist baby, and do what Auntie Monica says and you'll be fine.
Mokuba: ^_^ OK!
Laura: (angrily) Monica stop it! You're encouraging him!
Monica: No I'm not! Am I baby!
Mokuba: Actually you are. And now to present the award for Cutest Duel Monster, here's the Dark Magician and the Black Luster Soldier!
*Host/hostesses exit stage left, presenters enter stage right*
Dark Magician: (adjusts hat accordingly) I've never actually had a speaking part before. Does my voice sound weird?
Black Luster Soldier: No one cares. Why am I up here? I'm nowhere near cute. I'm ominous, scary-fear me!
Dark Magician: ...Right. So anyway, it's a privilege to be a Duel Monster, especially an attractive one. That's a real privilege. So here's the chance for one of us to walk away with our very own Milli, no talent required!
Black Luster Soldier: Say that last line again, just for emphasis.
Dark Magician: No talent required!
BLS: Thanks for that reassurance.
MV: And the nominees for Cutest Duel Monster are Kuriboh!
Kuriboh: (does that weird noise thingy)
Audience: Awww.....^_^
MV: Blue Eyes Toon Dragon!
BETD: (gnaws on leg)
Audience: O.O
MV: The Angel of Friendship!
AoF: ^_^
Audience: @_@
Random Audience Member: Too...cute...for...own...eyes...! *explodes leaving a pile of dust that's still smiling in his chair*
Monica: See, that's just wrong.
Laura: Monica, don't talk during the nominees! It's tacky!
Monica: (loudly) Gator boots, with the pimped out Gucci suits!
MV: (voice over) And a random Duel Monster!
Dark Magician: And the winner is.(opens envelope, gapes) I don't believe this.
BLS: (snatches envelope) Give me that; let me see! (gapes)
Together: Thousand Eyes Restrict?!
TER: (from audience) Yay,
BLS: (throws Milli into curtain behind him) *beep* this; I'm goin' backstage. This is screwed.
DM: Right behind you.
*Both exit right, host/hostesses enter left*
Monica: That right ther was just wrong. Wrong like Destiny's Child in a Popeye's chain. Speaking of which, we'll have their performance and more awards right after this brief commercial break.
****Commmericial Break****
*all of the yamis are sitting around eating Taco Bell, around 1:00 a.m.*
Malik: What happened to that little Taco Bell dog that used to be on the commercials?
Yami:...(chewing) I think we ate him.
Yami Malik: Well, he boosted sales!! (laughs maniacally, chokes) I'm okay. (continues to laugh maniacally)
Yuugi: (spits out Taco) You guys are so cruel! Don't you care at all what happens to animals?! *all look at Yuugi, and stare for a moment...then continue to eat)
Bakura: Listen...(opens mouth, voice comes out) Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Yuugi:...O.O
Bakura: I have his voice box. (grins evilly) I'm going to be a millionaire.
Yuugi: This is all YOUR fault!! You guys had to order "something different, but still meat" from the menu!
Malik: No, Ryou ordered that. And we all ordered what he had, so (coughs; a foot comes up) Whoohoo! (throws it around like a boomerang, but it doesn't come back)
Yami: Silence! I will not tolerate your bickering! Yuugi, don't be a (omitted)!
Yuugi: (eyes water) Et....tu....Yami?
Malik: (to his Yami) What are you staring at?
Yami Malik: (points to person) There's some one filming us...
Yuugi: (bursts out crying)
Yami Malik: Let's eat the footage!
Malik: -_- I just fed you.
Yami Malik: I want some film! I think it would taste like ice cream! Or shaving cream!
Ryou: (obviously drunk) Let's just eat the whole person!
Bakura: You smell strongly of alcohol.
Ryou: No no! Don't be...ridic *hiccup* ulous.
Yuugi: (continues crying)
Bakura: (to Yami) Your hikari is a (omitted)
Yami: -_-...You're right.
Yuugi: (cries louder)
Ryou: (hiccups) Well, I'm still (drunkedly) hungry. (grabs fork and knife, lunges towards person filming, along with Yami Malik)
Yami, Malik, Bakura: O.O
Malik: I'll never tell a soul.
Bakura: I agree.
Yami: Let's...just....
There was no more footage after this, and due to unknown circumstances, the body was never found.
****End Commercial****
Teà: Hi, Bakura!
Bakura: What do you want, you (omitted)?
Teà: O.O Um.what are you holding?
Bakura: I wish it was your beating heart, but unfortunately it's just bleach.
Teà: Um.what kind of bleach?
Bakura: The kind that's TM. Why are you asking so many questions?
Teà: Really, what kind?
Bakura: (sighs) It's...(looking down at the bottle) J-Lo bleach? What the (bus drives by, honking horn)??
Teà: I didn't know J-Lo made bleach. Does it work?
Bakura: (clearly annoyed) How should I...Let's find out. (walks into a nearby laundromat with Teà)
Teà: Well?
Bakura: (throws bleach in Teà's face)
Teà: AHH!!!!!
Bakura: It has served it's purpose.
Note: J-Lo Bleach not tested on animals, on Teà. TM. ****End Commercial****
(All of the hikari are sitting in Olive Garden)
Yuugi: You know, when you're here, you're family.
Ryou: You don't say.
Yuugi: (sulking) I wish Avril was a part of my family.
Malik:...No one cares about Avril. I'm here to (omitted due to content) eat.
Yuugi: Malik, why would you use such language???
Malik: It's (omitted) simple. Because I want to.
Waiter: Good evening, sirs. What would you like to drink?
Malik: (looking at menu) I'll take a...Strawberry Daiquiri.
Ryou: And I'll take a Cahlula Mudslide.
Yuugi: You guys aren't old enough to...
(Ryou and Malik kick Yuugi in the shins, causing him to bend down to check his wounds, but instead hit his head on the table and fall out of his highchair.)
Yuugi: O.O (eyes buck in pain) I (in high pitch voice) Need some ice...
Ryou: He sounds like he's been breathing helium.
Waiter: (raises eyebrow) Um...may I see your ID's?
Malik: No.
Ryou: You can however see our Yamis.
(Yami Malik is standing behind Malik licking his dagger, and Bakura is standing behind Ryou, with the Millenium Ring glowing.)
Bakura: (to waiter) Is there a problem?
Waiter: No, not at all. (to Yuugi) Would you like anything, sir?
Yuugi: (in high pitch voice) My mommy.
Waiter: Um, we're out of those. How about some ice?
Yuugi: Can you take me to the potty instead?
Waiter: O.o Of course.
Yami Malik: (still licking dagger)
Bakura: (sits on the table disrespectfully) You're going to cut yourself.
Yami Malik: (spots ice cream machine) Ooh! Ice cream! (sticks his face under the ice cream and presses the button and starts eating it as it comes out)
*TO BE CONTINUED*
****End Commercial Break****
Griffin: That was SO not a commercial.
Lady Sephiroth: Right after this brief commercial break she says. Yeah right.
Griffin: (Is STILL glomping Malik) Thanks for doing that thing!
Malik: (gasping desperately for air) Someone.please.help.me!!
Lady Sephiroth: And if you're thinking about flaming us, don't. You will be mercilessly hunted down and devoured by our army of mutant dust bunnies.
Griffin: Actually, all flames will be used to start fires as we prepare more of the awards for people who won't take this story QUITE so seriously. If you flame us, we'll rightly assume that you have no sense of humor whatsoever, and you will be laughed at. Trust me. You will.
Lady Sephiroth: Hey, we're giving you, the reviewers a chance to vote in some categories of the awards. There's 3 so far: Cutest Bishounen, Most Kawaii Bishounen, and Most Popular Bishounen. You can only vote once for each category, either in a review or by email. All 3 awards will be presented in the last chapter(s), so that should give you plenty of time to vote.
Griffin: I'd like to thank the following for reviewing: Seline, who was too lazy to sign in ^-^, Pharaoh-Malik-Ishtar, Malik's Gurl, Yami's Girl 3000, Pheonix Pandora, Maliki, Yami Kaigta Acme-Rian
Lady Sephiroth: Also, a lot of you have been asking to be in our show.
Griffin: We're so loved! ^_^
Lady Sephiroth: It's no problem-you can have *small* parts. When I say that, I mean parts in commercials, members of stage crew, random audience members, that kind of thing. You won't appear until much later, however, so don't be hurt if you're not up in the next chapter. The reason for this is we've already got 5 parts out, so around 6 or 7 you'll start to see yourselves.
Griffin's Heart: Just tell us if you're a boy or a girl and we'll find a part for you! You may look weird, and you might be dressed funny, and there's a chance you may be OOC, but you'll have your name in lights! Isn't that great?!
Lady Sephiroth: -_- Peachy, I'm sure.
Lady Sephiroth: ^_^ Necessarily.
Griffin: Disclaimer good for entire fic. No more inturruptions by disclaimers for you!
**** Monica: Hey ya'll, welcome back to the first annual Millenium Awards. In case ya'll didn't know, we'll be givin' out Millies to all the characters who deserve them.
Laura: (cheesy smile plastered across face) Or not.
Monica: Yeah, we pro'lly gone do a repeat of this yer's Grammys. That was a ripoff right there-Nora Jones winnin' 8 times. That talentless (omitted because of content); like she deserved all them awards.
Avril: (from somewhere in the audience) I should've won at least one!
Monica: No, you suck too. Anyway, onto the very first award. You know Laura, an anime like Yu-gi-ou wouldn't be complete without supporting characters. And by supprotin' I don't mean the people who help ya stand up.
Audience: *laughs politely*
Monica: What cha'll laughin' at? That was so lame.
Laura: (cheesy grin threatening to pull her skin right off her face) Yes, Monica, I believe you're right. These powerful supporting characters are just as important as the leading characters themselves, for without them, there would be.
Monica: No one to take the abuse of these twisted, warped authors as they run around rampant with their wretched views of what these characters do when they're not filming said anime.
Ryou: (to Bakura) Is that what we're doing here?
Bakura: (angrily) Quiet! If I can't take over the world, I want my shiny award! I know I'm going to win for something; best hairstyle perhaps? Or mintiest breath!
Yami: (grimacing) Your breath smells like a tomb.
Bakura: Your mother!
Yami: What?!
*the two proceed to fight violently as their hikari inch away from them slowly*
Monica: Anyway, onto the first category, which is Best Supporting Character!
Laura: (still smiling cheesily) And the nominees are.
*large screen appears behind them, flashing the nominees as they are named*
MV: Solomon Moto!
Grandpa: ^_^ Finally I'll be recognized as something other than the old man who's always in the way!
Monica: (snorts) That's what you think.
MV: Tea!
Tea: OO I was nominated for something?!
Monica; Don't worry, you won't win.
MV: Mokuba Kaiba!
Mokuba: (grins, bats eyes)
Audience: Aww.!
MV: Ishtar Isis!
Isis: (bows slightly in recognition)
Audience: *claps*
MV: Shadi!
Shadi: *looks extremely bored/indifferent*
Audience: *cheers slightly*
MV: And the Rare Hunters!
*crickets chirp*
Monica: Now that's just harsh right ther. Alright Laura, open the envelope if you please.
Laura: (opening said envelope) And the winner is..Mokuba!
A: *claps politely*
*Mokuba climbs onto the stage*
Monica: And look at what we got for the little cutie-his very own Milli. *hands him a large gold award in the shape of the Eye of Horus*
Mokuba: (accepting award) Thank you. I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me, and everyone who thinks I'm cute as a button. (bats eyelashes)
A: Aww.
Mokuba: Also I'd like to thank my brother Seto. Without his jerk-off attitude, I never could've been given a chance at the spotlight. I'm like the Ying to his Yang, and.
Monica: Alright cutie, that's enough. Why don't you scoot you little self on off to the back and have some Coke and Rum?
Mokuba: ^_^ Ok! (skips off backstage)
Laura: You do realize you just gave him access to all the liquor don't you?
Monica: (shrugging) He'll be alright. And now for our very first musical guest.What's that say Laura? I can't quite read the cue cards. (squints into distance)
Laura: (squinting as well) Erm.I think that says.Avril Lavigne.
Monica: Crappil Latrine? Aw.Well, ya'll gone hafta listen to the musical stylings of Crappril.
Avril: (from somewhere backstage) That's Avril!
Monica: Yeah, that's what I said, Snapple String Bean as she performs her not-yet-released-and-will-probably-never-be-due-to-her-talentless-nature, "Anything But Ordinary". How in the *beep* did she get booked for this anyway?
Laura: Usually they book the people who are either up and coming and need the exposure or worn out from too much spotlight in Hollywood. Which would explain why Jennifer Lopez is here.
Monca: Actually, nah, she's her cuz she my cousin.
Laura: (raises eyebrow) Your cousin.?
Monica: Ch'eah! You know we all cousins.
****Musical Performance****
*Avril's band set against the black curtains of the Millies*
Avril: (in her ever annoying rock voice) Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out...
Malik: She's freaking me out!
Yami Malik: (proceeds to lick Millenium Rod-turned-Dagger)
Malik: ...No, she's still creepier than you.
Avril: I laugh myself to sleep. It's my lullaby.
Malik: I've got a lullaby for her alright. A permanent lullabye.
Yami Malik: Lulla-bye-bye! (laughs maniacally)
*elsewhere down the row, Bakura and Yami continue to fight*
Yugi: Will you two knock it off?! I don't want to miss Avril's performance!
*Bakura bites Yami's ankle, Yami elbows him in the head*
Ryou: Yeah! She's a very moving songtress!
Seto: (snorting) Yeah, she's moving alright. Moving me to an early grave. Her singing's killing me.
*Each hikari pulls their yami away from each other and places them in seats opposite of themselves*
Yugi & Ryou: (to their other halves) Sit!
*each yami glares at each other, sticks out their tongue, and turn toward the stage*
Avril: Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out, and leave me here to bleed...
*The lights go out. There's a horrid scream, and then the lights flash back on, revealing a very dead Avril with her heart missing, leaving her on the stage to bleed just as she requested.*
Ryou & Yugi: (eyes widened in horror) Oh no!
*both boys rush up to the stage and surround the songstress*
Yugi: (hysterically) Avril please speak to me! Please! Don't die, Avril, don't die! AVRIL!!!
Avril: X_X
Ryou: (takes pulse, even though it's obviously pointless) Um, I think...
Yugi: No, don't say it!
Ryou:...She's dead.
*thunder rumbles, lightening flashes*
Ryou: ?? Where'd that come from?
Yugi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
*thunder rumbles, lightening flashes*
Ryou: ?_? Who's doing that?!
*Monica, Mokuba and Laura rush out onto the stage, Monica carrying a rum and Coke in one hand*
Laura: Oh my gods! Monica, she's dead.
Monica: Oh yeah? What gave it away?
Mokuba: Who's going to clean that up?
Monica: (sips drink casually) Stage crew of course. Somebody get this up. We got other people performing you know. (kicks Avril for good measure) Just makin sure she's really dead.
Laura: You mean we're going to continue? There might be a maniac running amok!
Monica: Can't be too crazy if he kilt' Avril. I say we owe him a favor. Let's get on over to the podium for the next award.
*Both girls and Mokuba move over to the podium*
****End Performance****
****at podium****
Laura: I can't believe this. This is so horrible.
Monica: Yeah, get over it. (sips drink casually) Her' to present the award for Creepiest Supporting Character, her's the resident creepy bad boys themselves, the Yami Malik, and the Yami, Bakura! And while that's goin' on, we gone go on backstage and change into one of our 50 outfits of the night.
Mokuba: Can I come!?
Monica: Aw, sure you can cutie!
Laura: Monica, are you crazy?!!
Monica: What? He just a little boy; what he gone do, take pictures or som'thin?
Mokuba: (grins evilly)
*Yami Malik and Bakura enter from left stage. Bakura trips on Avril's corpse, but quickly straightens himself.*
Bakura: (into mic) Is this thing on?
Yami Malik: (laughs maniacally)
Bakura: ...Right. You know, being creepy is not just a job, it's a privilege. There's a certain persona you have to keep up; not just everyone or anyone can do it. Isn't that right Ishtar?
Yami Malik: ...Must...kill...
Bakura: (rolls eyes) Screw these (beep) cue cards. Let's just present these stupid awards-it's a complete waste of time. I'm not even nominated.
MV: And the nominees for Creepiest Supporting Character are...Tea!
Audience: ...
MV: Tristan!
Audience: *scattered applause*
Tristan: I am NOT creepy! I resent that!
MV: Grandpa Motou!
Grandpa: Yea! Another nomination!
MV: Isis.
Audience: *continues to clap*
MV: Shadi!
Audience: *light cheering*
MV: And the Rare Hunters!
*crickets chirp*
Random Rare Hunter: (threatening to cry) No one likes us.
Bakura: Here Yami Malik, you do the honors. (hands him the envelope)
Yami Malik: (eats envelope)
Everyone: O.O
Bakura: Screw this. Let's go see what's backstage.
*disappears stage right*
*Monica, Mokuba and Laura are back, dressed in matching red. The girls are dressed like Jessica Rabbit, and Mokuba is wearing his usual clothes with bunny ears.*
Mokuba: Wow, I've got the most beautiful co-hosts in the world!
Monica: (grinning) Yes baby you do, and Laura don't look too bad either, do she?
Laura: -_-' I think he meant both of us.
Monica: You keep thinking that. Mokuba sweetie, would you do the honors please?
Mokuba: Sure! But before I do, I just wanna announce that I have in fact taken pictures of Monica and Laura getting dressed together! If you want to see them, go to mokuba.hentai.pervert.kaiba.org!
MV: Note: Not a real web address.
Laura: (horrified) YOU DID WHAT!?
Monica: Aw, now ain't that cute? He took pictures of us naked, just like you said he would.
Mokuba: (proudly) And downloaded them onto the internet almost instantaneously!
Monica: Aw...Now that deserves an Arbor Mist baby! (ruffles his hair fondly)
Laura: (grimacing) We'll be back after a word from our sponser.
****Commercial Break****
Gaia The Dragon Champion: Ahem...is this on? *taps mike* Eh, you are not worthy of standing in my presence!!
Director of commercial: -_- The microphone is on.
GTDC: Well, it's true! Ahem. When I find a woman that is equal in my beauty which will never happen...I want to look good on our dates....of course (confidently) I look good when I wake up in the morning, so...heh.
D: O.O
GTDC: I like to spray on this nice cologne that I'm being paid to promote. It's called...(looks at the bottle) um...La Fidele Toilet...I think that means the faithful toilet! Hmm...*sprays on cologne* O.o AHH!!! IT BURNS!!! (running around the stage wildly) GET IT OFF MY BEAUTIFUL SKIN!!!!
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you back to the Milli Awards. Originally, that film was not due to be aired at all, and we're sorry for the inconvenience.
GTDC: (runs behind man screaming) IT BURNS!!! DON'T BUY IT!! IT'S FROM MELVIN PINE!!!! IT HAS RUINED ME!!! RUINED!!!
****End Commercial****
Seto: This is milk. *sets carton on the table* And it does a body good. Kids, if you don't drink milk, you'll look like this. *drags Grandpa and Yugi out in front of the camera*. These are midgets. Why? Because their stupidity sadly stunted their growth. I have runts like these for breakfast. You would merely be a light snack...or part of a snack.
*one week later*
Seto: *to kid* Have you been drinking milk?
Kid: no....
Seto:...Good. I'm kind of hungry.
Kid: *screams*
*Seto dunks the child in a pool of milk drowning him in it.*
Seto: I didn't feel like eating him. *to the camera* If you don't drink milk, you'll drown in it. *turns to leave, his awesome coat-thingy blowing in the wind.*
****End Commercial**** Isis: Why Shadi, where are you going?
Shadi: To find you some acting lessons.
Isis: Hehe...where are you REALLY going?
Shadi: To the laundromat. If I'm going to slink around in my ever-creepy way, I'd like to be clean.
Isis: (cheesily) Yes, I have noticed that all of your Egyptian cotton looks so soft. How ever did you get it that way?
Shadi: Your mother.
Isis:...Do you use fabric softener?
Shadi:....Yes.
Isis: What kind?
Shadi: *sighs* Huggle. *under breath* Sure took me long enough.
Isis: (who clearly couldn't act her way out of a paper bag) Why, you mean the fabric softener?
Shadi:....Yes.
Isis: Well, whatever is the name of such a product that softens clothes as such?
Shadi: O.o Huggle. TM.
Isis: Well, I have heard that it feels smooth to even a snake.
Shadi: Why don't we test that theory? *throws a bucket of Huggle all over Isis, then throws a bucket of Egyptian Asps on her*
Isis: AHH!!!!
Shadi: Well, what do you know? You were right.
Huggle, so soft,...it's...huggable.
Man: (talking very fast) Side affects include rash, unclean clothes, leprosy and polio. We are not responsible for death, gout, loss of blood, loss of iron, loss of zinc, loss of vitamin c, or loss of child.
****End Commercial Break****
Laura: (still grimacing) Welcome back. In case you haven't noticed, Monica is promoting underage drinking as well as pornography, and someone's BIG BROTHER has no problem with it.
Seto: (on cell phone) Yea...no, I'll call you back-I think someone's talking about me. (hangs up, looks around cluelessly) What's going on? Where's Mokuba?
Laura:.-_-'
Mokuba: (with a bottle of Arbor Mist in hand) Isn't there something we're supposed to be doing right now?
Monica: Jus' drink ya Arbor Mist baby, and do what Auntie Monica says and you'll be fine.
Mokuba: ^_^ OK!
Laura: (angrily) Monica stop it! You're encouraging him!
Monica: No I'm not! Am I baby!
Mokuba: Actually you are. And now to present the award for Cutest Duel Monster, here's the Dark Magician and the Black Luster Soldier!
*Host/hostesses exit stage left, presenters enter stage right*
Dark Magician: (adjusts hat accordingly) I've never actually had a speaking part before. Does my voice sound weird?
Black Luster Soldier: No one cares. Why am I up here? I'm nowhere near cute. I'm ominous, scary-fear me!
Dark Magician: ...Right. So anyway, it's a privilege to be a Duel Monster, especially an attractive one. That's a real privilege. So here's the chance for one of us to walk away with our very own Milli, no talent required!
Black Luster Soldier: Say that last line again, just for emphasis.
Dark Magician: No talent required!
BLS: Thanks for that reassurance.
MV: And the nominees for Cutest Duel Monster are Kuriboh!
Kuriboh: (does that weird noise thingy)
Audience: Awww.....^_^
MV: Blue Eyes Toon Dragon!
BETD: (gnaws on leg)
Audience: O.O
MV: The Angel of Friendship!
AoF: ^_^
Audience: @_@
Random Audience Member: Too...cute...for...own...eyes...! *explodes leaving a pile of dust that's still smiling in his chair*
Monica: See, that's just wrong.
Laura: Monica, don't talk during the nominees! It's tacky!
Monica: (loudly) Gator boots, with the pimped out Gucci suits!
MV: (voice over) And a random Duel Monster!
Dark Magician: And the winner is.(opens envelope, gapes) I don't believe this.
BLS: (snatches envelope) Give me that; let me see! (gapes)
Together: Thousand Eyes Restrict?!
TER: (from audience) Yay,
BLS: (throws Milli into curtain behind him) *beep* this; I'm goin' backstage. This is screwed.
DM: Right behind you.
*Both exit right, host/hostesses enter left*
Monica: That right ther was just wrong. Wrong like Destiny's Child in a Popeye's chain. Speaking of which, we'll have their performance and more awards right after this brief commercial break.
****Commmericial Break****
*all of the yamis are sitting around eating Taco Bell, around 1:00 a.m.*
Malik: What happened to that little Taco Bell dog that used to be on the commercials?
Yami:...(chewing) I think we ate him.
Yami Malik: Well, he boosted sales!! (laughs maniacally, chokes) I'm okay. (continues to laugh maniacally)
Yuugi: (spits out Taco) You guys are so cruel! Don't you care at all what happens to animals?! *all look at Yuugi, and stare for a moment...then continue to eat)
Bakura: Listen...(opens mouth, voice comes out) Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Yuugi:...O.O
Bakura: I have his voice box. (grins evilly) I'm going to be a millionaire.
Yuugi: This is all YOUR fault!! You guys had to order "something different, but still meat" from the menu!
Malik: No, Ryou ordered that. And we all ordered what he had, so (coughs; a foot comes up) Whoohoo! (throws it around like a boomerang, but it doesn't come back)
Yami: Silence! I will not tolerate your bickering! Yuugi, don't be a (omitted)!
Yuugi: (eyes water) Et....tu....Yami?
Malik: (to his Yami) What are you staring at?
Yami Malik: (points to person) There's some one filming us...
Yuugi: (bursts out crying)
Yami Malik: Let's eat the footage!
Malik: -_- I just fed you.
Yami Malik: I want some film! I think it would taste like ice cream! Or shaving cream!
Ryou: (obviously drunk) Let's just eat the whole person!
Bakura: You smell strongly of alcohol.
Ryou: No no! Don't be...ridic *hiccup* ulous.
Yuugi: (continues crying)
Bakura: (to Yami) Your hikari is a (omitted)
Yami: -_-...You're right.
Yuugi: (cries louder)
Ryou: (hiccups) Well, I'm still (drunkedly) hungry. (grabs fork and knife, lunges towards person filming, along with Yami Malik)
Yami, Malik, Bakura: O.O
Malik: I'll never tell a soul.
Bakura: I agree.
Yami: Let's...just....
There was no more footage after this, and due to unknown circumstances, the body was never found.
****End Commercial****
Teà: Hi, Bakura!
Bakura: What do you want, you (omitted)?
Teà: O.O Um.what are you holding?
Bakura: I wish it was your beating heart, but unfortunately it's just bleach.
Teà: Um.what kind of bleach?
Bakura: The kind that's TM. Why are you asking so many questions?
Teà: Really, what kind?
Bakura: (sighs) It's...(looking down at the bottle) J-Lo bleach? What the (bus drives by, honking horn)??
Teà: I didn't know J-Lo made bleach. Does it work?
Bakura: (clearly annoyed) How should I...Let's find out. (walks into a nearby laundromat with Teà)
Teà: Well?
Bakura: (throws bleach in Teà's face)
Teà: AHH!!!!!
Bakura: It has served it's purpose.
Note: J-Lo Bleach not tested on animals, on Teà. TM. ****End Commercial****
(All of the hikari are sitting in Olive Garden)
Yuugi: You know, when you're here, you're family.
Ryou: You don't say.
Yuugi: (sulking) I wish Avril was a part of my family.
Malik:...No one cares about Avril. I'm here to (omitted due to content) eat.
Yuugi: Malik, why would you use such language???
Malik: It's (omitted) simple. Because I want to.
Waiter: Good evening, sirs. What would you like to drink?
Malik: (looking at menu) I'll take a...Strawberry Daiquiri.
Ryou: And I'll take a Cahlula Mudslide.
Yuugi: You guys aren't old enough to...
(Ryou and Malik kick Yuugi in the shins, causing him to bend down to check his wounds, but instead hit his head on the table and fall out of his highchair.)
Yuugi: O.O (eyes buck in pain) I (in high pitch voice) Need some ice...
Ryou: He sounds like he's been breathing helium.
Waiter: (raises eyebrow) Um...may I see your ID's?
Malik: No.
Ryou: You can however see our Yamis.
(Yami Malik is standing behind Malik licking his dagger, and Bakura is standing behind Ryou, with the Millenium Ring glowing.)
Bakura: (to waiter) Is there a problem?
Waiter: No, not at all. (to Yuugi) Would you like anything, sir?
Yuugi: (in high pitch voice) My mommy.
Waiter: Um, we're out of those. How about some ice?
Yuugi: Can you take me to the potty instead?
Waiter: O.o Of course.
Yami Malik: (still licking dagger)
Bakura: (sits on the table disrespectfully) You're going to cut yourself.
Yami Malik: (spots ice cream machine) Ooh! Ice cream! (sticks his face under the ice cream and presses the button and starts eating it as it comes out)
*TO BE CONTINUED*
****End Commercial Break****
Griffin: That was SO not a commercial.
Lady Sephiroth: Right after this brief commercial break she says. Yeah right.
Griffin: (Is STILL glomping Malik) Thanks for doing that thing!
Malik: (gasping desperately for air) Someone.please.help.me!!
Lady Sephiroth: And if you're thinking about flaming us, don't. You will be mercilessly hunted down and devoured by our army of mutant dust bunnies.
Griffin: Actually, all flames will be used to start fires as we prepare more of the awards for people who won't take this story QUITE so seriously. If you flame us, we'll rightly assume that you have no sense of humor whatsoever, and you will be laughed at. Trust me. You will.
Lady Sephiroth: Hey, we're giving you, the reviewers a chance to vote in some categories of the awards. There's 3 so far: Cutest Bishounen, Most Kawaii Bishounen, and Most Popular Bishounen. You can only vote once for each category, either in a review or by email. All 3 awards will be presented in the last chapter(s), so that should give you plenty of time to vote.
Griffin: I'd like to thank the following for reviewing: Seline, who was too lazy to sign in ^-^, Pharaoh-Malik-Ishtar, Malik's Gurl, Yami's Girl 3000, Pheonix Pandora, Maliki, Yami Kaigta Acme-Rian
Lady Sephiroth: Also, a lot of you have been asking to be in our show.
Griffin: We're so loved! ^_^
Lady Sephiroth: It's no problem-you can have *small* parts. When I say that, I mean parts in commercials, members of stage crew, random audience members, that kind of thing. You won't appear until much later, however, so don't be hurt if you're not up in the next chapter. The reason for this is we've already got 5 parts out, so around 6 or 7 you'll start to see yourselves.
Griffin's Heart: Just tell us if you're a boy or a girl and we'll find a part for you! You may look weird, and you might be dressed funny, and there's a chance you may be OOC, but you'll have your name in lights! Isn't that great?!
Lady Sephiroth: -_- Peachy, I'm sure.