Author's Note: Heero, the Virginal Soldier and Duo, the God of Death and All that is Kinky talk about a writing assignment. Takes place in Rapunzel's Welcoming Distractions universe, I think before chapter 13? Oh, and the writing assignment? It was given to me on the first day of my short story. Let me just say it was _very_ embaressing experience. So, of course, Heero has to go through it! Insert the disclaimer!

The Birds and the... Birds
By Blue Jeans

Duo sighed as he pulled up to the sorting shelves with his empty cart. Stretching his sore muscles, he smiled at the younger Asian girl who had come to relieve him. She grinned back but looked at all the books in unadultered horror. He laughed, tweaked the ends of her short ponytail and high tailed it out of the shelving area. After he signed off duty, he grabbed his backpack and sauntered over to the table area where Heero sat, waiting for their tutoring session.

As the braided library assistant got closer, he noticed that the other adult was sitting rather ridgedly in his seat, his face buried in his arms. Duo squeezed past a sleeping girl at the table behind theirs, pulled out a chair and sat down across from his study partner.

Man, Heero, what happened? he asked, You look like crap!

At the previous comment, Heero lifted his head (Duo noted that the color of Heero's cheeks resembled the color of a monkey's bottom) and stared at the braided man for a bit, slid over a piece a paper across the table and went back to his previous position. His study buddy shrugged before turning the paper over and read the prompt. Duo's eyes bulged as he began,

I know.

Wow... but MAN!

I *know*.

I wish I had this as one of my in-class writing prompts! the braided man hooted, Oh the drama I would've written! The trajedy! The...

Heero groaned as his companion broke into a fit of chuckles and re-read the prompt: Write about sex: the first time you heard about it or when your parents had that perculiar birds/bees' talk with you, sneaking a look at magazines; what it's like to think about sex. How did you first discover it? Or write about a recent sexual experience. Explore physical awkwardness, describe bodies, psychological tension. Whate was great, horrible, amusing? Write a complaint. Think about how erotic attraction/sensation first crept into your body. If you can't deal with this topic, then write about not wanting to think about it.

Duo raised his eyebrows and chewed on his tongue thoughtfully before he screwed up his courage to ask, So... what did you write?

His companion grunted and handed over a sheet of lined paper with tiny, neat writing.

Sex is a crude name for procreation, Duo began reading, in which the sperm and the egg come together to form an embryo inside a certain area of a woman. The egg originates from inside the ovaries inside the hips of a female, while the male carries the sperm in his gentalia. Each organism carries the genetic make-up of each separate person and when they bond to form the embryo... the braided man groaned. Figures that you'd write about the scientific aspect of sex.

I'll have you know someone else wrote it on the Christian point of view of sex, Heero muttered and raised his head to look at his companion. You know what made it worse?

Enlighten me.

Everyone else decided that... well... you know... their...

Duo looked confused, Huh? What did they write about? At this, Heero groaned and buried his red face in his hands before groaning, ...their... their... experiences. He glared when his companion burst out laughing.

And-heeheehee! You have Whiteman for a teacher don't you? Heeheehee! Duo managed a deep breath before going on between fits of hysteria, He makes everyone read the essays outloud! And heeheee! He critiques them!

He hated mine, Heero frowned, He just nodded at me and the Christian guy, but he got all in depth with everyone else's.

Duo just laughed harder until the library assistant went over and bopped him on the head, Duo, you know that this is a library! For heaven sakes, you work here, so keep it down!

he squeaked as the assistant waddled away with her tray of books.

Hn, you deserved that.

Oh, shut up! Duo rubbed the sore spot on his head.

Hey Duo, Heero asked slowly, Why do you think Whiteman didn't like my paper?

Duo nearly fell out of his chair, You serious? You mean you really don't know?

Well... no.

Because it's not intersting, man!

I find it interesting, Heero insisted and crossed his arms.

But not everyone does, you know, his companion massaged his temples momentarily. They want to hear about wild, passionate sex! The trashy romance novel, English dukes, horny women, tight corsets, big boobs, big penises, the works! The roll-around, the vertical mombo, the hump, the twists, the moans, the groans, the...

Heero flailed and shuddered, That's more than I needed to know! But... how am I supposed to write about it when I have never done it with anyone before?

Duo gaped momentarily, then asked, What do you mean, never done it before'? Heero, are you a virgin?

As a matter of fact, yes, Heero frowned. In fact, I'm rather glad to be one considering all those diseases running around. It's safer to not touch anyone at the moment.

Duo felt his spirits fall a bit but pursued, Are you sure about that? What if you really, you know, LIKED the person?

Heero thought for a bit, then answered, Probably not until I'm positive I really want to be with that person for the rest of my life. Then I wouldn't hesitate to go forward with it. Until then though, I like it this way. Like I said earlier, I'm safe from getting hurt physically as well as emotionally.

That sounds a bit... old fashioned.

Hn. If you want to hear about old fashioned relationships, you should talk to Wufei. He was rambling about something about a violent girl named Meiling and how their parents want him to marry her through Ancient Chinese matchmaking or something.

Duo winced, Oww, poor guy. Maybe he should try telling them that he's gay or something!

Negative, as it would only result in getting kicked out of his family.

Tough Asian family traditions?

Pretty much, I'm just lucky that I'm only half Japanese, although my grandparents have been trying to set me up with a Japanese girl for awhile, Heero paused for a bit and then smirked, Then, they found out that the perfect little angel' had been sleeping around with some guys, ended up pregnant and didn't know who the father was, which pretty much put a stop to their attempts, thankfully. She aborted the baby though. And there's another reason not to have sex, there isn't a perfect one hundred percent that the girl wouldn't get pregnant.

Duo felt his heart sink lower, But if you had sex with guys, then you wouldn't have to worry about pregnancy.

True, but then I'd still have to worry about diseases and there also is no perfect hundred percent against STDs, Heero explained and then glanced at his watch. I have to go, I need to go to the lab and get my test scores back.

Heero looked at Duo, Well, you know, how will you know if the person you love is free from diseases and stuff? And how will you know that special person?

Heero shrugged, I guess I'll just _know_. The birds singing happy songs around my head should be a good idea, and then there will be the sappy love songs from those boy bands, plus the urge to skip and write poems comparing their eyes to violets or something. As for the diseases thing, I'm sure the person would tell me. He gave the other student a small nod and left the library, smiling softly to himself and hummed one of those sappy love songs under his breath.

Duo stayed in his seat a bit longer and blankly watch the sleeping girl from earlier shift around and arise from deep slumber. She blinked owlishly as her eyes focused and settled on the strange boy sitting behind her. Then, she was promptly started as the boy jumped from his seat and hugged her enthusiastically, proclaiming, He thinks my eyes are like violets! then proceeded to gleefully dance out of the library.



Owari