Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I'm just using them to make me
laugh. I wish I own then and dream about it at night but when I wake they
still belong to Joss Whedon.
"All in the Bloodline: Connor's Birthday"- written by: Xandra Zander
After many years of the series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, Joss Whedon has brought back some old character for his new sitcom. After Angel finishes redemption in L.A. he and his son, Connor head to New York. They don't go alone however; they bring the rest of the family with them. Angel desperate for a mother for Connor, reincarnates Darla. Drusilla and her reconciled lover Spike (no soul, but with the chip) come and turn Darla back into a Vampire. She in turn reincarnates the Master, who remained a vampire discovers he can't leave the spacious flat in Greenwich Village. (They got the "Friends" housing package.) It a fun filled farce dealing focusing on the troubled teen Connor trying make it though his family and high school. Fun for the whole family look forward to watching "All in the Bloodline" this fall!
Here's the sneak peek at the pilot episode:
((Connor's bedroom))
:: The room is dark. The clock says 6:59, when it switches to 7 and the alarm goes off. Connor grumpily turns it of and get out of bed::
::Switch to Connor leaving his bedroom, backpack over one shoulder ready to go to school, he walks down the normal looking hallway. No mirrors however.
+Voices can be heard as he move out of the hallway into the kitchen/living room+
((Kitchen)) ::In the kitchen Darla and Angel are fixing a meal around the stove. The Master AKA Grandpa is at the head of the table, Spike is sitting at the chair to his left closer to the other head of the table, with Drusilla sitting on his lap, and they are making out.::
Master: Where is my Dinner!
Darla: I'm just heating it up now. Be patient. (She hisses at him. She takes the liquid from the pot and pours it into the mug that says "World's Greatest Sire". She put it down in front of him and she sits down at the chair next to him. She has her own mug of hot blood.)
Master: (takes a sip of the contents and spits it out.) What is this?! This isn't human blood! (He makes a big deal out of hacking and gagging it up)
Darla: I know, (sarcastically) Angel wouldn't let me bring back a human, all night he goes out to save the innocent and he can't even bring back a descent meal! (She reluctantly drinks from her mug)
Angel: We can't keep feeding off humans, it isn't right.
Master: (loud, angry) This is my family and I say we drink human blood from a live body!
Angel: No! This is my home and we're not going to kill anybody for food. We can survive just as well on pig's blood.
Master: Not in this House! (Darla puts a hand on his arm to calm him down) Well maybe we don't have to kill anyone. just keep a live one in the closet or something?
::Drusilla stopped kissing Spike and jump up::
Dru: We could keep a child! I love children. (She starts to dance around the table) I love to squeeze them tight until they're eyes go pop! (She smashes her hands together. She sits down on the chair between the Master and Spike)
Spike: Don't worry Grand-pops, if Angelus doesn't bring you a human, I will.
Angel: (Turns around with a snap, three mugs in hand) We are not keeping a human child in this house!
::Angel manages to say this at the moment Connor sits down at the table, at the other head of the table. Connor looks nervous. Angel try's to cover his embarrassment and passes out the mugs to Dru and Spike::
Darla: I'm sure (looking at Angel, puts her hand on Connor's arm) your father, wasn't talking about you, darling.
::Connor nodded but wasn't to reassured because his mother liked the rest of the family was all vamped out because they were feeding::
Angel: Would you like some breakfast before school? (fixing him a bowl of cereal even before he answered)
Connor: (he looked at the blood mustaches on his families faces and recoiled) No. I want to have a normal family breakfast.
Spike: Well technically we're not having breakfast, you are. The rest of us (he puts his arm around Dru) are having dinner. Once you run along to that drone factory of yours we lot are going off to bed. (he takes a big gulp finishing up the rest of the mug) Ahh!
::Connor looks repulsed even more so when Angel puts the cereal bowl in front of him. Connor pushes it away:: Connor: I'm not hungry.
Angel: You need to eat before school. (takes his seat next to Darla and Connor)
Connor: No I don't. And how could I eat with all of you drinking that stuff.
Master: One day you'll have to drink that "stuff" too. (annoyed by Connor again)
::Dru gets up and starts dancing around the table again::
Angel: My son will not be a vampire.
Darla: Well it's his decision to make. If he wants to become immortal, why should we stop him. (she goes to the stove and begins to pour more hot blood into every family member's mug.)
::Dru's dance stop and she stands behind Connor, she runs her hands through his hair::
Dru: Such a strong boy, what kind of creature would you make. (she touches his neck)
::Connor jumps up and backs away from the table. Spike grabs Dru and seats her on his lap::
Spike: She didn't mean anything by it, it's just your auntie Dru.
Dru: (starts to cry, in her way) he doesn't like me.(sobs) he doesn't like is own grand mum. sister. (she turns to Spike) You're his nephew, not his uncle. Silly boy. (Spike and Dru start making out again)
::Concern came from both of his parents, they started to go to him but he continues to back away, they are no longer in vampire face, Grandpa/Master grumps about still being hungry and goes to get something from the fridge::
Connor: Just leave me alone! You don't really care. Mom only cares about me because we share a soul! Grandpa's only nice because he want to make me his. childe when mom says I'm old enough. Plus I know he's hoping I'll actually bring home a friend he could eat! Drusilla keeps telling me she wants me to give her a beating! Spike only likes having me around so I can pick up the newspaper while the suns still out. Dad.Dad your just annoying, trying to get into my life. At parent-teacher night you told everyone about that time faked having hypothermia to get out of school and I painted by face blue. And how it wouldn't come off for a week.
::Laughs came from Spike, Dru, and G-Master. Connor just gets more annoyed:: Connor: I just want to have a normal life, a normal family where I can bring my friends home without Gramp's trying to eat them or Aunt Dru telling them about they're insides! (he picks up his school bag and starts to head for the door) I just want to have a normal Birthday Party like all of the other kids!
Darla: Where are you going? (angered by his rant)
Connor: School. (he slams the door loudly.)
::everyone just stares at the door for a minute, even Dru and Spike. They were used to Connor having fits but this one was different::
Angel: (turns back to the family) Did he just say he wanted a Birthday Party?
----End Act 1----
----Act 2---
((Apartment Building Hallway))
::Connor comes home from school, still reluctant to enter the apartment again. Finally he opened the door::
All: Surprise! (Family standing in the living room wearing party hats. A big "Happy Birthday" sign hanging in the living room)
::Connor groaned and slammed the door shut behind him. He just stand there, glaring::
Darla: What's wrong, sweetheart?
::Connor continues to glare as if they could read his mind::
Angel: We thought you wanted a Birthday Party.
Connor: My birthday isn't until Saturday. (he manages to say calmly.)
Spike: We know, you git. This was a surprise party.
Angel: (goes into a deeper brut mode) We're just trying to make you happy. We through you'd like a party.
Connor: I meant a party with my friends but I can never do that! (He drops his backpack and walks around the room.) Master: What are you ashamed of your bloodline? (angrily and rips the party hat off his own head)
Angel: Stay out of it Nuefutium. (hisses) Why not, Connor?
Connor: Because- (he takes a breath, and gestures to the walls) for one, Aunt Dru decorated the room with her blind folded dolls.
::A line of hanging Victorian Doll, all blind folded and are strung along the shaded window::
Dru: (moans and cry to Spike) He doesn't like me, he never likes what I've done.
Spike: (takes Dru in his arms, glares at Connor as he calms her) There, there, luv. The boy's just spoiled that's all.
Master: You should be more respectful. (he pats Dru on the back then storms off to his room.)
::Spike and Dru off::
Angel: Is that what you really want? A party with your friends?
Connor: Yes, that's right. I want to prove to my friends that I have a home and I can have a normal party with presents, a cake, movies and no blood! But I can't invite people over! (he plops down on the couch)
Angel/Darla: Why not?
Connor: Do you guys remember when you were human? (he snaps) This house isn't exactly normal.
Darla: Hey you ungrateful brat. We've made this house normal for you. We could have found a nice place underground with no windows but here we are above ground with these big window that you like to undercover before you go to school.
Connor: Well, but what about Grandpa's room. It looks like and old dilapidated church! He doesn't even have a bed, he sleeps on his throne! And don't let me get started on the cast iron chains in Spike and Dru's room. How could I have anyone over with them around.
Angel: Then we'll keep the doors close. Lock the Master in his room and send Spike and Dru to out for the night.
Darla: (looking angry) We are not locking him in his room!
::Angel goes to Darla and pushes her against the wall. He's in vamp face, she looks kind of turned on::
Angel: (growls low so Connor can't hear) I want our son to have a normal birthday.
Darla: Fine, (sexy) but you'll have to keep him in there without my help. (smiles)
::Angel turns her so she can see Connor, Connor is very upset and pathetic looking::
Darla: (sighs, giving in) Alright, for our son, I help you.
Angel: Thank you.
::Angel lets her go, and his face goes back to normal::
Connor: (confused) What's going on?
Angel: (smiles and goes to Connor) On Friday night, you're going to have a Birthday Party. Go invite your friends.
Connor: But-
Angel: No buts. You're having this party no matter what! Apocalypses or not we keep the family under control and out of the way. Go invite your friends.
::Connor stood there for a minute just staring at his father. Then a small smile crept across his face and he ran out of the room with a "Wahoo!". Angels smile widens and watches his son run of to his room::
Spike: So Angelus, how are you going to pull this one of you big poof!
::Angel turns looks at Spike and frowns. Angel barriers his face in his hands::
Angel: (mutters) What have I got myself into now?
Spike/Dru/Darla: (laughs)
((Fade Out))
((Fade In: Outside of The Master door))
::Pounding from the inside and Darla and Angel helping to keep it closed, The Master is screaming as he's trying to get out. Angel is struggling with an old spell book::
Darla: Hurry up with that locking spell! Connor's friends will be here any minute.
Angel: I know, I know! (he turns the page) Ah here it is. .
::Light grew around the door, the noise disappeared, and they released the door.::
Angel: (steps back and looks at the book) That should hold until tomorrow morning. (He smiles) We have the cake, the presents.
::he starts making a list on his fingers and he walks with Darla back to the living room.::
Angel: .Spike and Dru are gone, and- did we move all the blood into Spike and Dru's fridge.
Darla: (annoyed) Yes, I did it this morning.
::Connor sat on the couch, just as nervous as his father.::
Connor: So, Spike and Dru are gone? And Grandpa can't come out?
Angel: Yes, they won't be back till tomorrow. Grandpa won't be coming out of his room for a while. What movie are you planning to watch?
::Connor jumps off the couch and goes to the DVD cabinet::
Connor: Ah. maybe "Sleepless in Seattle" or maybe they want to watch "Victor, Victoria". (he goes through all the movies and his mother looked skeptical)
Darla: Honey, maybe I think your friends might want to see something from the rest of the families' collection. We have some great horror flicks. You could watch "Silence of the Lambs" or "Casino" something with lost of action and violence.
::Connor stopped what he was doing, he was holding a copy of "Moulin Rouge"::
Connor: Is there something wrong with my movies? (not offended but saddened)
Darla: (rushes to his side) Of course not but you told me, Justin and Mario are coming and they like action movies.
::Darla turned to Angel and rolled her eyes at him, Angel shrugged::
Connor: Oh, maybe-
::Knocks at the door cut him off. Connor looked as if he was skipping to the door. Darla went to go stand next to Angel. They put there around each others backs and put on a 'happy married couple' smile. Three boys appear at the door. They all ware the same cloths blue jeans and stripped over shirts over solid dark colored t-shirt. Connor wore the same thing.::
Three Friends: Happy Birthday, Connor! (screamed)
::They pushed there way into the apartment, and start looking around. Darla and Angel just look on causally watching his friends.::
1st Friend (Ryan): Connor, I don't know why you never wanted us to come over, this place is great.
::One of the other friends walked over to the wall with the weapons mounted on it::
2nd friend (Justin): That is so cool. (he started to reach for it)
Angel: Please don't touch that it's very sharp. (Angel move up next to him)
Justin: That's awesome.
::Angel took it of the self and showed it to him::
Angel: It's a . I collect rare and ancient pieces for a living, weapons mostly.
::They talk and 3rd Friend looks at the movies, he looks upset::
3rd Friend (Mario) : These are kind of lame, Connor. (picks up Center Stage)
Connor: Oh, (very embarrassed, looks like he's going to cry) well.
Darla: Oh well those I mine and his Aunt Dru, (quickly, moving them out of the way) These are Connor's movies, ah- what was your name?
Mario: I'm Mario, that's Justin and Ryan.
Darla: (moved the movies to a different shelf) Well Mario, these are Connor's movies.
::She moved them to reveal thrill, horror, and action movies::
Mario: Cool. (he looks through them)
::Darla smiles and heads to the kitchen, stopping in front of Connor and pats him on the shoulder::
Connor: (whisper) Thank you!
::Darla just smiles::
Ryan: (sits down on the couch) What movie are we going to watch?
Mario: Look he has every Vampire movie! (awestruck)
Justin: (leaves Angel and goes to Mario, so does Ryan) Let's have a vampire night!
Ryan: Yeah! (turn to Connor) What do you think?
::They all turn to look at him, Darla stopped what she was doing and turned to hear his response. Angel looks nervous.::
Connor: (sighs but puts on a smile) Sure, why not. Vampire night it is!
::his friends cheered and started to pull out the movies, Connor smile falls and he looks out into space::
Connor: (mutters, unhappily) Great.
::Angel walks over to Darla who had moved into the kitchen::
Angel: There watching Vampire movies (seriously)
Darla: (strangely) I know.
Angel: Connor wanted a vampire free night.
Darla: I know. (smiles)
Angel: Um.
((Camera Zooms out)) ::Over preparing some food trays they burst out in laughter:: --- End Act 2--- ---Act 3---
((Kitchen))
::Angel and Darla are sitting at the table, trying to hold down a conversation, but cannot stop themselves from staring into the darkened living room to check on Connor::
Angel: Why do we have so many vampire movies anyway?
Darla: Master made me buy them, he wanted to go through them with Connor and explain what was fact and what was fiction.
Angel: Ah.
::Knocking on the door startles them. Angel gets up walking through the dark room and answers it. He opens the door and is surprised::
Angel: Buffy! (he screamed like a little girl.)
::Connor and his friends looked at the door. Angel grabbed Buffy's arm and pulled her outside the door. The friends turned back to the movie.::
Angel: What's going on? (He closed the door behind him) What are you doing here?
Buffy: (confused, by his behavior) Apocalypse, here in New York. (keeps glancing to the closed door behind him) What's going on in there?
Angel: Nothing. Apocalypse you say?
Buffy: (looks suspicious, she looks into his eyes) Have you lost your soul again? Are you evil?
Angel: No! Why does everyone always think that?
Buffy: Sorry, but your acting strange. What's going on in there?
((Cut to Living room/ Kitchen))
::Darla is standing in the doorway, Keeps staring at the door. Connor tries to immerse himself in the movie but is aware of his suspicious mother behind him. The door opens and Angel and Buffy try to sneak through to the kitchen.::
Darla: (gives Angel a glare of death, as he passes by) What is she doing here? (in a harsh whisper.)
Angel: She needs my help (in the same tone)
::Angel and Darla start to fight. Buffy gets distracted and starts watching the movie that on in the living room::
Buffy: That's not how you stake a vamp! (very loudly)
::All four boys turned to look at her::
Buffy: Did I say that out loud? (meekly)
Darla: (from the other room) See your little Mistress is already ruining your son's party!
Buffy: (goes to Darla in the kitchen) I am not his mistress, and why would you care, your not married!
Darla: That isn't any of your business! I will not have you--
::Cut to Connor and Co. on the couch. They spoke quietly::
Justin: The little blond is your father's mistress?
Mario: That is so cool.
Ryan: She's hot.
Connor: (looks disgusted and tries to plan his escape)
::Cut back to Angel, Buffy, and Darla::
Angel: That's enough! (he gestured them towards the teenagers that were watching them intently from the couch) Darla, Buffy, is here to pick up a weapon, for the emergency auction.
Darla: Oh, (sarcastic) I think she should be able to do that without you? (understanding what was happening.) You said you weren't 'working' tonight?
Buffy: Well I guess he cares more saving the 'Work' than you do. (she turns to the kids) This is none of your business, go back to your movie.
Darla: Don't talk to them like that!
Buffy: I will if I want to I'm the Slayer!
::At that moment there was a huge crash from down the hall. The room filled with mist and The Master appeared in the doorway of the Kitchen, with a crack of lightning::
Mario: Woo! Who's that.
Connor: My Grandfather. (moaned)
Master: Slayer! What is she doing here?! (Storms to Darla)
Buffy: What are you doing alive, I killed you like seven years ago! And I grinded your bones to make my bread!
Angel: What? (winced at her)
Buffy: Bad pun, Buffy. (muttered)
Angel: (turned back to the master) How did you get out of your room?
Master: You think that room could hold me, you insolent worm!
Justin: Your mother's father I guess. What happened to his face?
Connor: Someone pushed his face into a sander.
Master: I did not want to miss my Grandson party! Any you little miss smashy! I can never be killed! They brought me back!
Buffy: Who? (staring at Darla)
Master: My Dearest daughters.
Buffy: Drusilla's here too! Angel, are you crazy? (screech)
Ryan: (in the background to Connor) I thought your last name was Angel?
Angel: Calm down, Buffy. (turns to Darla) Can you take him back to his room.
Darla: No! (she crossed her arms)
Angel: (gestures to the kids in the living room) Please. (Harshly)
Darla: Not going to work this time, sweetheart.
Angel: Will you just let us get back to saving the worl-k! (with a look that could kill)
Master: Fine, (Harshly and pulls Darla into the hallway with him)
((in the hallway, out of sight of the others))
Darla: What? I need to keep an eye on Connor.
Master: Oh, don't worry, I'll eat his friends later, but we have something more important.
Darla: (interested) What, Master?
Master: The Slayer. If I kill and drink from her again, I get freed and we would have to stay here any longer, Child. (He strokes her cheek)
Darla: That's a good idea but Angel won't let us get near her. He'd chose that St. Slayer Slut over all of us any day.
Master: I know that! Why you had to get tethered to 'Mister I'm so Tortured', I'll never know. You have to help me.
Darla: I don't know. (hesitating)
Master: You owe me, for helping him lock me in my chamber.
Darla: Alright, I'll help. (quickly, without hesitation) Anything to get rid of that Slayer.
Master: That's my good girl.
((Kitchen))
::Buffy and Angel are looking for a specific weapon in his weapons chest, which was moved in from the living room.::
Angel: I know it's around here somewhere.
Buffy: Don't you label your weapon cases.
Angel: (picking up a double bladed knife) Like you do.
Buffy: Point taken. (going into the trunk again)
((Living Room))
::The kids are engrossed in the movie, Connor pretends that there is nothing going on in the kitchen. With a bang the front door burst open and Spike pushes in followed slowly by Dru.::
Spike: Angel, we got a problem. (shots to the kitchen, and heads there leaving Dru in the living room)
Angel: (stops looking for the weapon, pops up) You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow.
Spike: We have more important things then the little twit's party. I heard-- (As he enters the kitchen and sees Buffy) Buff- (stammers a bit) I guess you know already about-
Angel: (quickly) The Emergency weapons auction. (pointed to the children) We're looking for the "The Sword of Imperium" now.
Spike: Yeah, (raises his eyebrow) the emergency weapons auction. (sees the kids watching him) Kiddies go back to the movie. We're just Connor's Uncle Spike and Aunt Dru. (he went next to Buffy and helped her look for the weapon.)
::Drusilla closed the door to the apartment door, and sat down next to Connor and Co.::
Dru: (leans forward and strokes Justin's hair)Pretty boys sitting in a row. Empty heads needing to be filled. Our own little boy wants to be you just like you. Insides like outs, (she traced a line going down his stomach) Maybe I want to see him.
Connor: Aunt Dru! (screams/jumps up, Pulls her off of him) She's, she's drunk. (tries to cover) Uncle Spike! (he whined)
Spike: (goes and takes Dru's arm) Go sit down kid, I got her. (to Dru) Go to your room, Pet. I'll be in, in a minute.
::Connor sits down again, Dru stops in the Kitchen the minute she sees Buffy::
Dru: I'm not leaving you alone with her. (accuses, then sobs) you may not comeback to me this time. (whines)
Buffy: Don't worry about it, Dru. I'll never sleep with Spike again. (calming)
Spike: Hey! It wasn't that bad. (to Buffy)
Justin: Woo! She slept with your dad and your uncle too, she's such a slut!
Buffy: Hey! (going over to the Justin) I am not a slut! I wasn't with Angel for 4 years before I slept with spike- And why am I defending myself to them? (turns back to Angel)
Spike: You know the only one for me, Dru. (pulls her to him and gives her a long kiss)
Dru: (pulls away) Alright, I'll go to my room, but (to Buffy) I'll be watching my William. (she leaves)
::Spike continues to help Buffy sort through the collections of swords. Angel noticing the teens still staring at them over them::
Angel: Go back to the movie. (getting annoyed)
((cut to the couch))
Ryan: This is so much better than any movie.
Mario: You're uncle is so cool looking. Like Billy Idol.
::As the conversation went to his friends talking about his family, Connor became terrified. He got up and went to the corner of the room, it hopes that he would disappear::
((Hallway))
::Darla and the Master are whispering at the end of the hall as Drusilla comes into view.::
Dru: (smiling, walking to them) Two little conspiring mice.
::Darla and the Master turn to her, in surprise::
Dru: The Rat is taking over the kitchen and my William. (she stands close to them) Are we going to kill the Rat on the Prince's Birthday? It would be such a lovely gift.
Master: (smiles) Will you be helping use, my child? Dru: Anything for my dear Great Grandfather.
Master: Then tonight, this Slayer finally dies once and for all.
::They all began to laugh evilly::
----End Act 3---
---- Act 4---
((Kitchen))
::Angel goes back into the room with a Bag. Buffy sit at the table with Spike looking upset::
Angel: (Puts bag on the table) This is the last pace it could be.
Buffy: I hope so, if I only have an hour before the- Auction begins.
Angel: It has to be here.
Spike: After this we're labeling everything, An-gel-us.
Angel: I know, I know.
::Before they could open it, Darla comes back into the kitchen. She leaned in the doorway, looking calm and had a seductive smile on her face::
Darla: Spike, Dru won't stop calling for you.
Spike: (to Buffy) I better go to her before she does something stupid. (reluctantly)
Buffy: I understand (sweetly) thanks for your help. (smiles, a little upset he's leaving)
::As he's leaving he gives her a sappy look. Darla stays were she is, throwing glares in Buffy's direction.::
Darla: Angel, darling, I need to talk to you in private for a moment.
Angel: Now is not a good time. I'll be done in a minute. (comparing the sword in hand to the on in the picture Buffy brought.)
Darla: It's about our son. (firmly) Angel: (Sighs, to Buffy) I'll just be a minute.
::Buffy nods, Angel left the room with Darla. Buffy stands and goes to where Angel was standing and goes into the bag again. Her back is to the Hallway. The Master Creeps up behind her::
Master: Well, well Slayer. All alone.
Buffy: (Turns around with a sword in hand) Like I need anyone around to help me. I defeated you once. (haughty) I'm much stronger now.
Master: But little girl, so am I.
::He cast a hand towards the teens at the couch and they froze were they sat staring at the TV. He turns back Buffy and grins::
((Spike and Dru's Bedroom))
::Spike Enters the room and sees Dru lying on the bed seductively::
Spike: What did you want, Pet?
Dru: (she sits up) I want my William to hurt me. I've been a very bad girl.
Spike: (sighs) You couldn't wait until I was done helping the Slayer.
Dru: (very pissed off, gets of the bed and storms across the room) You're a Vampire! She's a Slayer! You should be drinking her insides! You're supposed to be evil!
Spike: I am evil. I just like this dimension the way it is that's all. (defensive)
Dru: You're just protecting her! Always protecting her, like last time! (screamed, but calmed down and went to him. She draped her body over his) But it will all end tonight. They mice are whispering.
Spike: (confused) What was that, pet?
::Dru smiles, and goes to kiss him, but he pushes her back::
Spike: What's happening Dru? (forcibly taking her hands)
::Dru made and excited noise and giggled. He grabs her again, causing her more pain this time:: Spike: Tell Me!
Dru: I'm not supposed to tell!
Spike: But you can tell me, pet. (he twisted her arm around her back) You can tell me everything.
((Angel's Home Office))
::Darla leads Angel into the room and closed the door behind her, leaning up against it, trapping him in the room. He doesn't realize it.::
Angel: What is it now, Darla? (very annoyed)
Darla: Are we in such a hurry to get back to your Slayer? You care more about helping her than your own son! Haven't you looked at him tonight. He was perfectly happy until that bitch of yours showed up. He's embarrassed and this night was so that he could win friends. (voice raised)
Angel: He's not going to make friends, if the world ends!
::Darla turns, hiding her face from him to hide a smile, when she turns back to him the smile is gone::
Darla: You just hate this family don't you? (pouts)
Angel: Hey, (defensive) I put this family together. I brought you back to life, it's not my fault you got vamped, again!
Darla: I was dying again anyway!
Angel: No you weren't, I had you cured by a witch just after you were resurrected.
Darla: I enjoy being a vampire, Angel. It's been the best part of my existence! You never understood it. And don't tell me I don't understand you because I don't have a soul. I do, he's sitting out in the living room!
::There is a pause. Angel looks confused by what she's saying. Then I his eye grow wide in understanding.::
Angel: (angry) You know Darla, (He pushed her out of the way of the door) you're not that good an actress.
::Darla tries to block him, but Angel pushes her away again::
Angel: I know you're letting him get to Buffy! (He gets free and is out the door)
Darla: (on the floor, calls to him) She's a Slayer! We're Vampire! This is what we do!
((Hallway))
::Angel bumps into Spike and they share a silent understanding and they run to the kitchen::
((Kitchen))
::Buffy's under the thrall of the Master, he is standing behind her and has his hands on her shoulders much like the first time he killed her. He's about the bite her::
Angel/Spike: Buffy, No!
::Angel and Spike jump to her, in vamp face. Buffy shivers and jumps out of the thrall. In a swift motion she turns, sword still in hand and jabs him in the stomach.::
Master: (Screams in pain)
::The kids are let out of their thrall. Dru and Darla rush in, also in vamp face. They go to the Master side and protect him. Angel and Spike go to Buffy's. The teens stand and turn around to see what happened, they all are in shock. Darla helps the Master sit down in his chair and tends to him.::
Darla: (to the Master) Are you alright?
Buffy: He's live, (pause) or remain the living dead.
::Then Dru, Darla, Angel and Spike start a big arguing fight::
+They share harsh words that are barely understandable. Buffy is referred to as whore on more than comment from Darla and Dru.+
Buffy: (asserting herself to Darla) Hey, I'm not a whore, you're the one that was a prostitute!
::Darla leaves the Master and punches Buffy.::
Ryan: Did the blond hottie say you're mom was a hooker? Angel: Hey!
::Buffy and Darla start to fight but Angel interferes. Dru and Spike continue to argue but they move closer to each other the more they fight::
Angel: Buffy calm down (he stands between the two women) ::They cool down and Angel looks down at the sword in Buffy hand::
Angel: (Softly and a little surprised) Well you found the Sword of Imperious.
Buffy: (softly, a little sad) I guess so. (she looks at the sword not wanting to meet his gaze)
Angel: (hesitantly) Why-
Buffy: Why don't I just get out of here and save the world already. (finishes for him, then shyly) Thank you!
::She bows out and goes straight to the door without another world::
Angel: (As she's out the door) Good luck.
+Door slams shut, quietness ensues+
::Dru and Spikes arguing turns into a make-out session. Angel turns back to his family::
Angel: (still vamped) How dare you do that in my house! (to Darla and the Master)
Darla: It's our home too, you know. We're not all like you, Angel! We are real vampires we don't have souls, we're not your perfect family! You're a vampire, you'll never be able to have that!
+Silence+
::Spike and Dru stop kissing::
Mario: You're all vampires?! (loudly and scared)
::The teens were in shock, Connor looked like he was about to cry::
Justin: Are you a vampire too, Connor?
Ryan: Why am I too scared to move? ::Angel in a panic moves to them but they jumped back because he's still in vamp face::
Connor: (angry and shocked) I knew this would happen! You promised it would (all directed at his parents) You even managed to make it worse then I ever thought possible! Dad, didn't you say "Apocalypses or not we keep the family under control". Oh and look there was an apocalypse, and oh look out of control.
Ryan: (frightened) Apocalypse?
Darla: Don't worry the blond whore is going to stop it. (casually)
Connor: See your still doing it! You guys never stop, you guys never change. Now my friends are probably never going to speak to me again. I hate you all!
::Connor runs off to his bedroom::
Justin: You're not just going to leave us here?!
::Justin, Mario, and Ryan stare at the Vamps terrified. Spike looks off in Connor's direction::
+Door slams shut+
((Connor's room, a few minutes later))
::Connor is face down on his bed, his eyes are red and he was crying::
+knock on the door+
Connor: You can't come in.
+sound of door opening+
Spike: It doesn't work like that, kid. (softly)
::Spike closes the door behind him::
Connor: Then why did you knock? (not moving at all)
Spike: (looks back at the door surprised) Not quite sure. (shrugs) but anyway: you need to get off your sodding arse and get back out there!
Connor: (muffled) Don't wanna. Spike: That doesn't matter, I don't want to be in here but I am. You just need to go out there and face it.
Connor: Why?
Spike: 'cause you don't want to be a git.
Connor: (pause) Why are you talking to me?
Spike: I'm your uncle, you know.
Connor: (smugly) I though you were my nephew, actually.
Spike: (laughs) You know when you're upset or angry at us, your dad makes it impossible for us to do anything except try to make you happy. It's a bloody pain in the ass because (emphasizes) you're always angry at us!
Connor: (matter-of-factly) Well, you're always screwing up my life.
Spike: Oh so a few of your friends know where vamps. (sits down on the edge of the bed) And the Proof and I both shagged the Slayer. We both shagged Auntie Dru, too.
Connor: Don't say that!
Spike: Don't worry, I never shagged your mother.
::As Spike spoke Connor reached under his pillow and sits up giving Spike an evil glare. He raises the stake to his uncle's chest::
Connor: If you say that word again or anything meaning that word, I'm gonna stake you!
Spike: (jumps back, appalled) You keep a stake under your pillow! You could kill us if we were just coming into check on you! (pushes it away) Watch were you point that thing!
Connor: (puts the stake at his side, but still in reach) The only ones that some in to check on me are mom and dad, they know to stay by the door. They stake is just in case You, Dru or Grandpa crave a midnight snack.
Spike: (Shrugs) Guess it a good idea. (pats him on the shoulder) You can go getting all upset about every little thing. You know the Slayer's little sis used to that, probably still does, it didn't help any. Life is hard, no one said it wasn't. Connor: How am I supposed to learn about life from dead people.
Spike: We know plenty about life, we just don't have to follow it.
Connor: This family bites! (he moans, lays back down on his stomach again)
Spike: Well, ya.
Connor: I didn't mean it that way. I'm such a loser.
Spike: You are now, but who knows what you'll become with this family blood actually running through your veins. If you think of all this family did, dead. Think of what you could do being alive.
Connor: I could never be normal!
Spike: Why would you want to be normal? Normal is boring!
::Connor groans::
Spike: You're part of this family you're not supposed to be. (he gets up and heads to the door) So get up, get out there (points) and face your fear. You're annoying the lot of us!
::Spike leaves, Connor just continues to sulk::
((Fade out)) ((Fade in, next morning))
::Connor wakes up where Spike left him. He looks at his clock, 10:00 am. He gets up and changes close. His windows are wide open and the sun came in.
Connor: At least they'll all be asleep and the guys will be gone. (mutters)
::Connor leaves him room, to go get breakfast, when he's in the hall he hears voicing coming from the kitchen::
Connor: Great they're still up. (mutters, but continues on, sniff the air) Well at least they made pancakes.
::As he got closer he heard a voice he didn't expect.::
Justin: That sword is so cool.
::Connor walked in and saw his friends sitting around the table, Angel was demonstrating the double bladed knife, Spike and Dru sat calmly at they're seats and his mother was actually making pancakes. Only Spike noticed his arrival.::
Spike: Well good morning birthday boy!
::They all turn to him::
Mario: We were wondering when you'd finally fall out of bed.
Justin: Happy Birthday!
+ 'Happy Birthday's were said by all+
::Angel put down the knife and gave him a pat on the back and a smile, then led him to his chair. Angel looked like nothing could wipe the smile from his face.::
Connor: (stunned) I thought you all left.
Ryan: You weren't asleep that long.
::Darla comes around putting pancakes down on his plate, and gave him a kiss on top of his head. Angel started to help finish cooking.::
Connor: After last night I didn't think you would stay.
Ryan: What are you talking about we watch 6 vamp movies, and passed out where were we gonna go? You must still be asleep, Sleepy head. (good humouredly)
Connor: (very confused) Oh that must be it. (continues to eat breakfast) Where's Grandpa?
Darla: Oh probably still sleeping, you know how grandpa likes to sleep.
Connor: Oh. (smiles)
::Talking continued and they ate. No seemed to notice that his family didn't eat. Connor started to get a permanent smile like his father had, as his friends reminded him of what happened last night. No one remembers Buffy or the fact his family is all vampires. He wasn't sure what happened but Spike looks smug.::
Mario: So, while, you passed out, we decided we were gonna go downtown after breakfast, did ya wanna come with?
::Connor looks to his dad, Angel nods.::
Connor: You bet!
Ryan: Then let's blow this popsicle stand!
::They all get up and gather their things in the living room. Connor is slower then the others and stays in the kitchen. Angel goes over to him::
Angel: Here (hands him a credit card) have fun. It's yours. There is a one hundred dollar limit.
Connor: Thanks, Dad. (then quietly) What happened?
::Before Angel could answer, Dru had gotten up and grabbed onto the boys arm.::
Dru: I couldn't have my little grand son upset on his birthday. (she pets his hair) They're head were empty ready to be filled so I filled them. Happy thoughts and nothing of the little slayer (she whispered in his ear) What do you think of you're big sister now?
Connor: (no scared at all turned to her and smiles) I love you, Aunt Dru. (gives her a hug) I guess you did pull it off, Dad.
::Connor turns around and smiles at his mother, who shares it and then to Spike. Spike gives him a nod. Connor turns and goes to his friends.::
Spike: (pulls Dru to him) See, he does love you.
Dru: (smiles to) Yes, he does.
::Angel watches his son leave with his friends::
Mario: .Of course they're weird, they're you're parents. At least they weird and cool, mine would never let us have any fun.
Ryan: Yeah, your Dad has the coolest weapons. I could get the double bladed knife.
Justin: yeah, may parents boring. I wouldn't want to be like them. At least you don't have to worry about that.
Connor: Yeah, you're right. I guess it's in my blood. (looks over at the family, locks eyes with his uncle) It's all in the blood.
::Spike smirks. Connor and his friends leave. Angel turns to everyone in the kitchen.::
Darla: Well thank god that's over! (she pulls out the packages of blood)
Spike: We're never doing that again!
Dru: It was fun having all the kiddies around.
Angel: Yeah, I don't think we'll be able to pull that off again, that was close. (calls of screen) They're gone now, Gramps!
Master: Finally! (comes into the kitchen and sits down) I thought they would never leave. I assume he was happy with his present. (he was fully healed)
Angel: They don't remember a thing.
::Darla handed mugs out to everyone and they sat down at the table. They didn't speak to one another::
Angel: Oh, no. (mutters)
Spike: What now, Proof? (annoyed)
Angel: I think we might have to do this again and more often. (solemn)
Darla: Why?
Angel: (turned to her) What are we gonna do when Connor gets a girlfriend?
::Black stares and silence continues. Creepy feeling comes over them all::
((Fade Out))
Well that's it. Turn in next week when Connor falls a girl at school. And the Master tries to start his own internet business.
"All in the Bloodline: Connor's Birthday"- written by: Xandra Zander
After many years of the series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, Joss Whedon has brought back some old character for his new sitcom. After Angel finishes redemption in L.A. he and his son, Connor head to New York. They don't go alone however; they bring the rest of the family with them. Angel desperate for a mother for Connor, reincarnates Darla. Drusilla and her reconciled lover Spike (no soul, but with the chip) come and turn Darla back into a Vampire. She in turn reincarnates the Master, who remained a vampire discovers he can't leave the spacious flat in Greenwich Village. (They got the "Friends" housing package.) It a fun filled farce dealing focusing on the troubled teen Connor trying make it though his family and high school. Fun for the whole family look forward to watching "All in the Bloodline" this fall!
Here's the sneak peek at the pilot episode:
((Connor's bedroom))
:: The room is dark. The clock says 6:59, when it switches to 7 and the alarm goes off. Connor grumpily turns it of and get out of bed::
::Switch to Connor leaving his bedroom, backpack over one shoulder ready to go to school, he walks down the normal looking hallway. No mirrors however.
+Voices can be heard as he move out of the hallway into the kitchen/living room+
((Kitchen)) ::In the kitchen Darla and Angel are fixing a meal around the stove. The Master AKA Grandpa is at the head of the table, Spike is sitting at the chair to his left closer to the other head of the table, with Drusilla sitting on his lap, and they are making out.::
Master: Where is my Dinner!
Darla: I'm just heating it up now. Be patient. (She hisses at him. She takes the liquid from the pot and pours it into the mug that says "World's Greatest Sire". She put it down in front of him and she sits down at the chair next to him. She has her own mug of hot blood.)
Master: (takes a sip of the contents and spits it out.) What is this?! This isn't human blood! (He makes a big deal out of hacking and gagging it up)
Darla: I know, (sarcastically) Angel wouldn't let me bring back a human, all night he goes out to save the innocent and he can't even bring back a descent meal! (She reluctantly drinks from her mug)
Angel: We can't keep feeding off humans, it isn't right.
Master: (loud, angry) This is my family and I say we drink human blood from a live body!
Angel: No! This is my home and we're not going to kill anybody for food. We can survive just as well on pig's blood.
Master: Not in this House! (Darla puts a hand on his arm to calm him down) Well maybe we don't have to kill anyone. just keep a live one in the closet or something?
::Drusilla stopped kissing Spike and jump up::
Dru: We could keep a child! I love children. (She starts to dance around the table) I love to squeeze them tight until they're eyes go pop! (She smashes her hands together. She sits down on the chair between the Master and Spike)
Spike: Don't worry Grand-pops, if Angelus doesn't bring you a human, I will.
Angel: (Turns around with a snap, three mugs in hand) We are not keeping a human child in this house!
::Angel manages to say this at the moment Connor sits down at the table, at the other head of the table. Connor looks nervous. Angel try's to cover his embarrassment and passes out the mugs to Dru and Spike::
Darla: I'm sure (looking at Angel, puts her hand on Connor's arm) your father, wasn't talking about you, darling.
::Connor nodded but wasn't to reassured because his mother liked the rest of the family was all vamped out because they were feeding::
Angel: Would you like some breakfast before school? (fixing him a bowl of cereal even before he answered)
Connor: (he looked at the blood mustaches on his families faces and recoiled) No. I want to have a normal family breakfast.
Spike: Well technically we're not having breakfast, you are. The rest of us (he puts his arm around Dru) are having dinner. Once you run along to that drone factory of yours we lot are going off to bed. (he takes a big gulp finishing up the rest of the mug) Ahh!
::Connor looks repulsed even more so when Angel puts the cereal bowl in front of him. Connor pushes it away:: Connor: I'm not hungry.
Angel: You need to eat before school. (takes his seat next to Darla and Connor)
Connor: No I don't. And how could I eat with all of you drinking that stuff.
Master: One day you'll have to drink that "stuff" too. (annoyed by Connor again)
::Dru gets up and starts dancing around the table again::
Angel: My son will not be a vampire.
Darla: Well it's his decision to make. If he wants to become immortal, why should we stop him. (she goes to the stove and begins to pour more hot blood into every family member's mug.)
::Dru's dance stop and she stands behind Connor, she runs her hands through his hair::
Dru: Such a strong boy, what kind of creature would you make. (she touches his neck)
::Connor jumps up and backs away from the table. Spike grabs Dru and seats her on his lap::
Spike: She didn't mean anything by it, it's just your auntie Dru.
Dru: (starts to cry, in her way) he doesn't like me.(sobs) he doesn't like is own grand mum. sister. (she turns to Spike) You're his nephew, not his uncle. Silly boy. (Spike and Dru start making out again)
::Concern came from both of his parents, they started to go to him but he continues to back away, they are no longer in vampire face, Grandpa/Master grumps about still being hungry and goes to get something from the fridge::
Connor: Just leave me alone! You don't really care. Mom only cares about me because we share a soul! Grandpa's only nice because he want to make me his. childe when mom says I'm old enough. Plus I know he's hoping I'll actually bring home a friend he could eat! Drusilla keeps telling me she wants me to give her a beating! Spike only likes having me around so I can pick up the newspaper while the suns still out. Dad.Dad your just annoying, trying to get into my life. At parent-teacher night you told everyone about that time faked having hypothermia to get out of school and I painted by face blue. And how it wouldn't come off for a week.
::Laughs came from Spike, Dru, and G-Master. Connor just gets more annoyed:: Connor: I just want to have a normal life, a normal family where I can bring my friends home without Gramp's trying to eat them or Aunt Dru telling them about they're insides! (he picks up his school bag and starts to head for the door) I just want to have a normal Birthday Party like all of the other kids!
Darla: Where are you going? (angered by his rant)
Connor: School. (he slams the door loudly.)
::everyone just stares at the door for a minute, even Dru and Spike. They were used to Connor having fits but this one was different::
Angel: (turns back to the family) Did he just say he wanted a Birthday Party?
----End Act 1----
----Act 2---
((Apartment Building Hallway))
::Connor comes home from school, still reluctant to enter the apartment again. Finally he opened the door::
All: Surprise! (Family standing in the living room wearing party hats. A big "Happy Birthday" sign hanging in the living room)
::Connor groaned and slammed the door shut behind him. He just stand there, glaring::
Darla: What's wrong, sweetheart?
::Connor continues to glare as if they could read his mind::
Angel: We thought you wanted a Birthday Party.
Connor: My birthday isn't until Saturday. (he manages to say calmly.)
Spike: We know, you git. This was a surprise party.
Angel: (goes into a deeper brut mode) We're just trying to make you happy. We through you'd like a party.
Connor: I meant a party with my friends but I can never do that! (He drops his backpack and walks around the room.) Master: What are you ashamed of your bloodline? (angrily and rips the party hat off his own head)
Angel: Stay out of it Nuefutium. (hisses) Why not, Connor?
Connor: Because- (he takes a breath, and gestures to the walls) for one, Aunt Dru decorated the room with her blind folded dolls.
::A line of hanging Victorian Doll, all blind folded and are strung along the shaded window::
Dru: (moans and cry to Spike) He doesn't like me, he never likes what I've done.
Spike: (takes Dru in his arms, glares at Connor as he calms her) There, there, luv. The boy's just spoiled that's all.
Master: You should be more respectful. (he pats Dru on the back then storms off to his room.)
::Spike and Dru off::
Angel: Is that what you really want? A party with your friends?
Connor: Yes, that's right. I want to prove to my friends that I have a home and I can have a normal party with presents, a cake, movies and no blood! But I can't invite people over! (he plops down on the couch)
Angel/Darla: Why not?
Connor: Do you guys remember when you were human? (he snaps) This house isn't exactly normal.
Darla: Hey you ungrateful brat. We've made this house normal for you. We could have found a nice place underground with no windows but here we are above ground with these big window that you like to undercover before you go to school.
Connor: Well, but what about Grandpa's room. It looks like and old dilapidated church! He doesn't even have a bed, he sleeps on his throne! And don't let me get started on the cast iron chains in Spike and Dru's room. How could I have anyone over with them around.
Angel: Then we'll keep the doors close. Lock the Master in his room and send Spike and Dru to out for the night.
Darla: (looking angry) We are not locking him in his room!
::Angel goes to Darla and pushes her against the wall. He's in vamp face, she looks kind of turned on::
Angel: (growls low so Connor can't hear) I want our son to have a normal birthday.
Darla: Fine, (sexy) but you'll have to keep him in there without my help. (smiles)
::Angel turns her so she can see Connor, Connor is very upset and pathetic looking::
Darla: (sighs, giving in) Alright, for our son, I help you.
Angel: Thank you.
::Angel lets her go, and his face goes back to normal::
Connor: (confused) What's going on?
Angel: (smiles and goes to Connor) On Friday night, you're going to have a Birthday Party. Go invite your friends.
Connor: But-
Angel: No buts. You're having this party no matter what! Apocalypses or not we keep the family under control and out of the way. Go invite your friends.
::Connor stood there for a minute just staring at his father. Then a small smile crept across his face and he ran out of the room with a "Wahoo!". Angels smile widens and watches his son run of to his room::
Spike: So Angelus, how are you going to pull this one of you big poof!
::Angel turns looks at Spike and frowns. Angel barriers his face in his hands::
Angel: (mutters) What have I got myself into now?
Spike/Dru/Darla: (laughs)
((Fade Out))
((Fade In: Outside of The Master door))
::Pounding from the inside and Darla and Angel helping to keep it closed, The Master is screaming as he's trying to get out. Angel is struggling with an old spell book::
Darla: Hurry up with that locking spell! Connor's friends will be here any minute.
Angel: I know, I know! (he turns the page) Ah here it is. .
::Light grew around the door, the noise disappeared, and they released the door.::
Angel: (steps back and looks at the book) That should hold until tomorrow morning. (He smiles) We have the cake, the presents.
::he starts making a list on his fingers and he walks with Darla back to the living room.::
Angel: .Spike and Dru are gone, and- did we move all the blood into Spike and Dru's fridge.
Darla: (annoyed) Yes, I did it this morning.
::Connor sat on the couch, just as nervous as his father.::
Connor: So, Spike and Dru are gone? And Grandpa can't come out?
Angel: Yes, they won't be back till tomorrow. Grandpa won't be coming out of his room for a while. What movie are you planning to watch?
::Connor jumps off the couch and goes to the DVD cabinet::
Connor: Ah. maybe "Sleepless in Seattle" or maybe they want to watch "Victor, Victoria". (he goes through all the movies and his mother looked skeptical)
Darla: Honey, maybe I think your friends might want to see something from the rest of the families' collection. We have some great horror flicks. You could watch "Silence of the Lambs" or "Casino" something with lost of action and violence.
::Connor stopped what he was doing, he was holding a copy of "Moulin Rouge"::
Connor: Is there something wrong with my movies? (not offended but saddened)
Darla: (rushes to his side) Of course not but you told me, Justin and Mario are coming and they like action movies.
::Darla turned to Angel and rolled her eyes at him, Angel shrugged::
Connor: Oh, maybe-
::Knocks at the door cut him off. Connor looked as if he was skipping to the door. Darla went to go stand next to Angel. They put there around each others backs and put on a 'happy married couple' smile. Three boys appear at the door. They all ware the same cloths blue jeans and stripped over shirts over solid dark colored t-shirt. Connor wore the same thing.::
Three Friends: Happy Birthday, Connor! (screamed)
::They pushed there way into the apartment, and start looking around. Darla and Angel just look on causally watching his friends.::
1st Friend (Ryan): Connor, I don't know why you never wanted us to come over, this place is great.
::One of the other friends walked over to the wall with the weapons mounted on it::
2nd friend (Justin): That is so cool. (he started to reach for it)
Angel: Please don't touch that it's very sharp. (Angel move up next to him)
Justin: That's awesome.
::Angel took it of the self and showed it to him::
Angel: It's a . I collect rare and ancient pieces for a living, weapons mostly.
::They talk and 3rd Friend looks at the movies, he looks upset::
3rd Friend (Mario) : These are kind of lame, Connor. (picks up Center Stage)
Connor: Oh, (very embarrassed, looks like he's going to cry) well.
Darla: Oh well those I mine and his Aunt Dru, (quickly, moving them out of the way) These are Connor's movies, ah- what was your name?
Mario: I'm Mario, that's Justin and Ryan.
Darla: (moved the movies to a different shelf) Well Mario, these are Connor's movies.
::She moved them to reveal thrill, horror, and action movies::
Mario: Cool. (he looks through them)
::Darla smiles and heads to the kitchen, stopping in front of Connor and pats him on the shoulder::
Connor: (whisper) Thank you!
::Darla just smiles::
Ryan: (sits down on the couch) What movie are we going to watch?
Mario: Look he has every Vampire movie! (awestruck)
Justin: (leaves Angel and goes to Mario, so does Ryan) Let's have a vampire night!
Ryan: Yeah! (turn to Connor) What do you think?
::They all turn to look at him, Darla stopped what she was doing and turned to hear his response. Angel looks nervous.::
Connor: (sighs but puts on a smile) Sure, why not. Vampire night it is!
::his friends cheered and started to pull out the movies, Connor smile falls and he looks out into space::
Connor: (mutters, unhappily) Great.
::Angel walks over to Darla who had moved into the kitchen::
Angel: There watching Vampire movies (seriously)
Darla: (strangely) I know.
Angel: Connor wanted a vampire free night.
Darla: I know. (smiles)
Angel: Um.
((Camera Zooms out)) ::Over preparing some food trays they burst out in laughter:: --- End Act 2--- ---Act 3---
((Kitchen))
::Angel and Darla are sitting at the table, trying to hold down a conversation, but cannot stop themselves from staring into the darkened living room to check on Connor::
Angel: Why do we have so many vampire movies anyway?
Darla: Master made me buy them, he wanted to go through them with Connor and explain what was fact and what was fiction.
Angel: Ah.
::Knocking on the door startles them. Angel gets up walking through the dark room and answers it. He opens the door and is surprised::
Angel: Buffy! (he screamed like a little girl.)
::Connor and his friends looked at the door. Angel grabbed Buffy's arm and pulled her outside the door. The friends turned back to the movie.::
Angel: What's going on? (He closed the door behind him) What are you doing here?
Buffy: (confused, by his behavior) Apocalypse, here in New York. (keeps glancing to the closed door behind him) What's going on in there?
Angel: Nothing. Apocalypse you say?
Buffy: (looks suspicious, she looks into his eyes) Have you lost your soul again? Are you evil?
Angel: No! Why does everyone always think that?
Buffy: Sorry, but your acting strange. What's going on in there?
((Cut to Living room/ Kitchen))
::Darla is standing in the doorway, Keeps staring at the door. Connor tries to immerse himself in the movie but is aware of his suspicious mother behind him. The door opens and Angel and Buffy try to sneak through to the kitchen.::
Darla: (gives Angel a glare of death, as he passes by) What is she doing here? (in a harsh whisper.)
Angel: She needs my help (in the same tone)
::Angel and Darla start to fight. Buffy gets distracted and starts watching the movie that on in the living room::
Buffy: That's not how you stake a vamp! (very loudly)
::All four boys turned to look at her::
Buffy: Did I say that out loud? (meekly)
Darla: (from the other room) See your little Mistress is already ruining your son's party!
Buffy: (goes to Darla in the kitchen) I am not his mistress, and why would you care, your not married!
Darla: That isn't any of your business! I will not have you--
::Cut to Connor and Co. on the couch. They spoke quietly::
Justin: The little blond is your father's mistress?
Mario: That is so cool.
Ryan: She's hot.
Connor: (looks disgusted and tries to plan his escape)
::Cut back to Angel, Buffy, and Darla::
Angel: That's enough! (he gestured them towards the teenagers that were watching them intently from the couch) Darla, Buffy, is here to pick up a weapon, for the emergency auction.
Darla: Oh, (sarcastic) I think she should be able to do that without you? (understanding what was happening.) You said you weren't 'working' tonight?
Buffy: Well I guess he cares more saving the 'Work' than you do. (she turns to the kids) This is none of your business, go back to your movie.
Darla: Don't talk to them like that!
Buffy: I will if I want to I'm the Slayer!
::At that moment there was a huge crash from down the hall. The room filled with mist and The Master appeared in the doorway of the Kitchen, with a crack of lightning::
Mario: Woo! Who's that.
Connor: My Grandfather. (moaned)
Master: Slayer! What is she doing here?! (Storms to Darla)
Buffy: What are you doing alive, I killed you like seven years ago! And I grinded your bones to make my bread!
Angel: What? (winced at her)
Buffy: Bad pun, Buffy. (muttered)
Angel: (turned back to the master) How did you get out of your room?
Master: You think that room could hold me, you insolent worm!
Justin: Your mother's father I guess. What happened to his face?
Connor: Someone pushed his face into a sander.
Master: I did not want to miss my Grandson party! Any you little miss smashy! I can never be killed! They brought me back!
Buffy: Who? (staring at Darla)
Master: My Dearest daughters.
Buffy: Drusilla's here too! Angel, are you crazy? (screech)
Ryan: (in the background to Connor) I thought your last name was Angel?
Angel: Calm down, Buffy. (turns to Darla) Can you take him back to his room.
Darla: No! (she crossed her arms)
Angel: (gestures to the kids in the living room) Please. (Harshly)
Darla: Not going to work this time, sweetheart.
Angel: Will you just let us get back to saving the worl-k! (with a look that could kill)
Master: Fine, (Harshly and pulls Darla into the hallway with him)
((in the hallway, out of sight of the others))
Darla: What? I need to keep an eye on Connor.
Master: Oh, don't worry, I'll eat his friends later, but we have something more important.
Darla: (interested) What, Master?
Master: The Slayer. If I kill and drink from her again, I get freed and we would have to stay here any longer, Child. (He strokes her cheek)
Darla: That's a good idea but Angel won't let us get near her. He'd chose that St. Slayer Slut over all of us any day.
Master: I know that! Why you had to get tethered to 'Mister I'm so Tortured', I'll never know. You have to help me.
Darla: I don't know. (hesitating)
Master: You owe me, for helping him lock me in my chamber.
Darla: Alright, I'll help. (quickly, without hesitation) Anything to get rid of that Slayer.
Master: That's my good girl.
((Kitchen))
::Buffy and Angel are looking for a specific weapon in his weapons chest, which was moved in from the living room.::
Angel: I know it's around here somewhere.
Buffy: Don't you label your weapon cases.
Angel: (picking up a double bladed knife) Like you do.
Buffy: Point taken. (going into the trunk again)
((Living Room))
::The kids are engrossed in the movie, Connor pretends that there is nothing going on in the kitchen. With a bang the front door burst open and Spike pushes in followed slowly by Dru.::
Spike: Angel, we got a problem. (shots to the kitchen, and heads there leaving Dru in the living room)
Angel: (stops looking for the weapon, pops up) You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow.
Spike: We have more important things then the little twit's party. I heard-- (As he enters the kitchen and sees Buffy) Buff- (stammers a bit) I guess you know already about-
Angel: (quickly) The Emergency weapons auction. (pointed to the children) We're looking for the "The Sword of Imperium" now.
Spike: Yeah, (raises his eyebrow) the emergency weapons auction. (sees the kids watching him) Kiddies go back to the movie. We're just Connor's Uncle Spike and Aunt Dru. (he went next to Buffy and helped her look for the weapon.)
::Drusilla closed the door to the apartment door, and sat down next to Connor and Co.::
Dru: (leans forward and strokes Justin's hair)Pretty boys sitting in a row. Empty heads needing to be filled. Our own little boy wants to be you just like you. Insides like outs, (she traced a line going down his stomach) Maybe I want to see him.
Connor: Aunt Dru! (screams/jumps up, Pulls her off of him) She's, she's drunk. (tries to cover) Uncle Spike! (he whined)
Spike: (goes and takes Dru's arm) Go sit down kid, I got her. (to Dru) Go to your room, Pet. I'll be in, in a minute.
::Connor sits down again, Dru stops in the Kitchen the minute she sees Buffy::
Dru: I'm not leaving you alone with her. (accuses, then sobs) you may not comeback to me this time. (whines)
Buffy: Don't worry about it, Dru. I'll never sleep with Spike again. (calming)
Spike: Hey! It wasn't that bad. (to Buffy)
Justin: Woo! She slept with your dad and your uncle too, she's such a slut!
Buffy: Hey! (going over to the Justin) I am not a slut! I wasn't with Angel for 4 years before I slept with spike- And why am I defending myself to them? (turns back to Angel)
Spike: You know the only one for me, Dru. (pulls her to him and gives her a long kiss)
Dru: (pulls away) Alright, I'll go to my room, but (to Buffy) I'll be watching my William. (she leaves)
::Spike continues to help Buffy sort through the collections of swords. Angel noticing the teens still staring at them over them::
Angel: Go back to the movie. (getting annoyed)
((cut to the couch))
Ryan: This is so much better than any movie.
Mario: You're uncle is so cool looking. Like Billy Idol.
::As the conversation went to his friends talking about his family, Connor became terrified. He got up and went to the corner of the room, it hopes that he would disappear::
((Hallway))
::Darla and the Master are whispering at the end of the hall as Drusilla comes into view.::
Dru: (smiling, walking to them) Two little conspiring mice.
::Darla and the Master turn to her, in surprise::
Dru: The Rat is taking over the kitchen and my William. (she stands close to them) Are we going to kill the Rat on the Prince's Birthday? It would be such a lovely gift.
Master: (smiles) Will you be helping use, my child? Dru: Anything for my dear Great Grandfather.
Master: Then tonight, this Slayer finally dies once and for all.
::They all began to laugh evilly::
----End Act 3---
---- Act 4---
((Kitchen))
::Angel goes back into the room with a Bag. Buffy sit at the table with Spike looking upset::
Angel: (Puts bag on the table) This is the last pace it could be.
Buffy: I hope so, if I only have an hour before the- Auction begins.
Angel: It has to be here.
Spike: After this we're labeling everything, An-gel-us.
Angel: I know, I know.
::Before they could open it, Darla comes back into the kitchen. She leaned in the doorway, looking calm and had a seductive smile on her face::
Darla: Spike, Dru won't stop calling for you.
Spike: (to Buffy) I better go to her before she does something stupid. (reluctantly)
Buffy: I understand (sweetly) thanks for your help. (smiles, a little upset he's leaving)
::As he's leaving he gives her a sappy look. Darla stays were she is, throwing glares in Buffy's direction.::
Darla: Angel, darling, I need to talk to you in private for a moment.
Angel: Now is not a good time. I'll be done in a minute. (comparing the sword in hand to the on in the picture Buffy brought.)
Darla: It's about our son. (firmly) Angel: (Sighs, to Buffy) I'll just be a minute.
::Buffy nods, Angel left the room with Darla. Buffy stands and goes to where Angel was standing and goes into the bag again. Her back is to the Hallway. The Master Creeps up behind her::
Master: Well, well Slayer. All alone.
Buffy: (Turns around with a sword in hand) Like I need anyone around to help me. I defeated you once. (haughty) I'm much stronger now.
Master: But little girl, so am I.
::He cast a hand towards the teens at the couch and they froze were they sat staring at the TV. He turns back Buffy and grins::
((Spike and Dru's Bedroom))
::Spike Enters the room and sees Dru lying on the bed seductively::
Spike: What did you want, Pet?
Dru: (she sits up) I want my William to hurt me. I've been a very bad girl.
Spike: (sighs) You couldn't wait until I was done helping the Slayer.
Dru: (very pissed off, gets of the bed and storms across the room) You're a Vampire! She's a Slayer! You should be drinking her insides! You're supposed to be evil!
Spike: I am evil. I just like this dimension the way it is that's all. (defensive)
Dru: You're just protecting her! Always protecting her, like last time! (screamed, but calmed down and went to him. She draped her body over his) But it will all end tonight. They mice are whispering.
Spike: (confused) What was that, pet?
::Dru smiles, and goes to kiss him, but he pushes her back::
Spike: What's happening Dru? (forcibly taking her hands)
::Dru made and excited noise and giggled. He grabs her again, causing her more pain this time:: Spike: Tell Me!
Dru: I'm not supposed to tell!
Spike: But you can tell me, pet. (he twisted her arm around her back) You can tell me everything.
((Angel's Home Office))
::Darla leads Angel into the room and closed the door behind her, leaning up against it, trapping him in the room. He doesn't realize it.::
Angel: What is it now, Darla? (very annoyed)
Darla: Are we in such a hurry to get back to your Slayer? You care more about helping her than your own son! Haven't you looked at him tonight. He was perfectly happy until that bitch of yours showed up. He's embarrassed and this night was so that he could win friends. (voice raised)
Angel: He's not going to make friends, if the world ends!
::Darla turns, hiding her face from him to hide a smile, when she turns back to him the smile is gone::
Darla: You just hate this family don't you? (pouts)
Angel: Hey, (defensive) I put this family together. I brought you back to life, it's not my fault you got vamped, again!
Darla: I was dying again anyway!
Angel: No you weren't, I had you cured by a witch just after you were resurrected.
Darla: I enjoy being a vampire, Angel. It's been the best part of my existence! You never understood it. And don't tell me I don't understand you because I don't have a soul. I do, he's sitting out in the living room!
::There is a pause. Angel looks confused by what she's saying. Then I his eye grow wide in understanding.::
Angel: (angry) You know Darla, (He pushed her out of the way of the door) you're not that good an actress.
::Darla tries to block him, but Angel pushes her away again::
Angel: I know you're letting him get to Buffy! (He gets free and is out the door)
Darla: (on the floor, calls to him) She's a Slayer! We're Vampire! This is what we do!
((Hallway))
::Angel bumps into Spike and they share a silent understanding and they run to the kitchen::
((Kitchen))
::Buffy's under the thrall of the Master, he is standing behind her and has his hands on her shoulders much like the first time he killed her. He's about the bite her::
Angel/Spike: Buffy, No!
::Angel and Spike jump to her, in vamp face. Buffy shivers and jumps out of the thrall. In a swift motion she turns, sword still in hand and jabs him in the stomach.::
Master: (Screams in pain)
::The kids are let out of their thrall. Dru and Darla rush in, also in vamp face. They go to the Master side and protect him. Angel and Spike go to Buffy's. The teens stand and turn around to see what happened, they all are in shock. Darla helps the Master sit down in his chair and tends to him.::
Darla: (to the Master) Are you alright?
Buffy: He's live, (pause) or remain the living dead.
::Then Dru, Darla, Angel and Spike start a big arguing fight::
+They share harsh words that are barely understandable. Buffy is referred to as whore on more than comment from Darla and Dru.+
Buffy: (asserting herself to Darla) Hey, I'm not a whore, you're the one that was a prostitute!
::Darla leaves the Master and punches Buffy.::
Ryan: Did the blond hottie say you're mom was a hooker? Angel: Hey!
::Buffy and Darla start to fight but Angel interferes. Dru and Spike continue to argue but they move closer to each other the more they fight::
Angel: Buffy calm down (he stands between the two women) ::They cool down and Angel looks down at the sword in Buffy hand::
Angel: (Softly and a little surprised) Well you found the Sword of Imperious.
Buffy: (softly, a little sad) I guess so. (she looks at the sword not wanting to meet his gaze)
Angel: (hesitantly) Why-
Buffy: Why don't I just get out of here and save the world already. (finishes for him, then shyly) Thank you!
::She bows out and goes straight to the door without another world::
Angel: (As she's out the door) Good luck.
+Door slams shut, quietness ensues+
::Dru and Spikes arguing turns into a make-out session. Angel turns back to his family::
Angel: (still vamped) How dare you do that in my house! (to Darla and the Master)
Darla: It's our home too, you know. We're not all like you, Angel! We are real vampires we don't have souls, we're not your perfect family! You're a vampire, you'll never be able to have that!
+Silence+
::Spike and Dru stop kissing::
Mario: You're all vampires?! (loudly and scared)
::The teens were in shock, Connor looked like he was about to cry::
Justin: Are you a vampire too, Connor?
Ryan: Why am I too scared to move? ::Angel in a panic moves to them but they jumped back because he's still in vamp face::
Connor: (angry and shocked) I knew this would happen! You promised it would (all directed at his parents) You even managed to make it worse then I ever thought possible! Dad, didn't you say "Apocalypses or not we keep the family under control". Oh and look there was an apocalypse, and oh look out of control.
Ryan: (frightened) Apocalypse?
Darla: Don't worry the blond whore is going to stop it. (casually)
Connor: See your still doing it! You guys never stop, you guys never change. Now my friends are probably never going to speak to me again. I hate you all!
::Connor runs off to his bedroom::
Justin: You're not just going to leave us here?!
::Justin, Mario, and Ryan stare at the Vamps terrified. Spike looks off in Connor's direction::
+Door slams shut+
((Connor's room, a few minutes later))
::Connor is face down on his bed, his eyes are red and he was crying::
+knock on the door+
Connor: You can't come in.
+sound of door opening+
Spike: It doesn't work like that, kid. (softly)
::Spike closes the door behind him::
Connor: Then why did you knock? (not moving at all)
Spike: (looks back at the door surprised) Not quite sure. (shrugs) but anyway: you need to get off your sodding arse and get back out there!
Connor: (muffled) Don't wanna. Spike: That doesn't matter, I don't want to be in here but I am. You just need to go out there and face it.
Connor: Why?
Spike: 'cause you don't want to be a git.
Connor: (pause) Why are you talking to me?
Spike: I'm your uncle, you know.
Connor: (smugly) I though you were my nephew, actually.
Spike: (laughs) You know when you're upset or angry at us, your dad makes it impossible for us to do anything except try to make you happy. It's a bloody pain in the ass because (emphasizes) you're always angry at us!
Connor: (matter-of-factly) Well, you're always screwing up my life.
Spike: Oh so a few of your friends know where vamps. (sits down on the edge of the bed) And the Proof and I both shagged the Slayer. We both shagged Auntie Dru, too.
Connor: Don't say that!
Spike: Don't worry, I never shagged your mother.
::As Spike spoke Connor reached under his pillow and sits up giving Spike an evil glare. He raises the stake to his uncle's chest::
Connor: If you say that word again or anything meaning that word, I'm gonna stake you!
Spike: (jumps back, appalled) You keep a stake under your pillow! You could kill us if we were just coming into check on you! (pushes it away) Watch were you point that thing!
Connor: (puts the stake at his side, but still in reach) The only ones that some in to check on me are mom and dad, they know to stay by the door. They stake is just in case You, Dru or Grandpa crave a midnight snack.
Spike: (Shrugs) Guess it a good idea. (pats him on the shoulder) You can go getting all upset about every little thing. You know the Slayer's little sis used to that, probably still does, it didn't help any. Life is hard, no one said it wasn't. Connor: How am I supposed to learn about life from dead people.
Spike: We know plenty about life, we just don't have to follow it.
Connor: This family bites! (he moans, lays back down on his stomach again)
Spike: Well, ya.
Connor: I didn't mean it that way. I'm such a loser.
Spike: You are now, but who knows what you'll become with this family blood actually running through your veins. If you think of all this family did, dead. Think of what you could do being alive.
Connor: I could never be normal!
Spike: Why would you want to be normal? Normal is boring!
::Connor groans::
Spike: You're part of this family you're not supposed to be. (he gets up and heads to the door) So get up, get out there (points) and face your fear. You're annoying the lot of us!
::Spike leaves, Connor just continues to sulk::
((Fade out)) ((Fade in, next morning))
::Connor wakes up where Spike left him. He looks at his clock, 10:00 am. He gets up and changes close. His windows are wide open and the sun came in.
Connor: At least they'll all be asleep and the guys will be gone. (mutters)
::Connor leaves him room, to go get breakfast, when he's in the hall he hears voicing coming from the kitchen::
Connor: Great they're still up. (mutters, but continues on, sniff the air) Well at least they made pancakes.
::As he got closer he heard a voice he didn't expect.::
Justin: That sword is so cool.
::Connor walked in and saw his friends sitting around the table, Angel was demonstrating the double bladed knife, Spike and Dru sat calmly at they're seats and his mother was actually making pancakes. Only Spike noticed his arrival.::
Spike: Well good morning birthday boy!
::They all turn to him::
Mario: We were wondering when you'd finally fall out of bed.
Justin: Happy Birthday!
+ 'Happy Birthday's were said by all+
::Angel put down the knife and gave him a pat on the back and a smile, then led him to his chair. Angel looked like nothing could wipe the smile from his face.::
Connor: (stunned) I thought you all left.
Ryan: You weren't asleep that long.
::Darla comes around putting pancakes down on his plate, and gave him a kiss on top of his head. Angel started to help finish cooking.::
Connor: After last night I didn't think you would stay.
Ryan: What are you talking about we watch 6 vamp movies, and passed out where were we gonna go? You must still be asleep, Sleepy head. (good humouredly)
Connor: (very confused) Oh that must be it. (continues to eat breakfast) Where's Grandpa?
Darla: Oh probably still sleeping, you know how grandpa likes to sleep.
Connor: Oh. (smiles)
::Talking continued and they ate. No seemed to notice that his family didn't eat. Connor started to get a permanent smile like his father had, as his friends reminded him of what happened last night. No one remembers Buffy or the fact his family is all vampires. He wasn't sure what happened but Spike looks smug.::
Mario: So, while, you passed out, we decided we were gonna go downtown after breakfast, did ya wanna come with?
::Connor looks to his dad, Angel nods.::
Connor: You bet!
Ryan: Then let's blow this popsicle stand!
::They all get up and gather their things in the living room. Connor is slower then the others and stays in the kitchen. Angel goes over to him::
Angel: Here (hands him a credit card) have fun. It's yours. There is a one hundred dollar limit.
Connor: Thanks, Dad. (then quietly) What happened?
::Before Angel could answer, Dru had gotten up and grabbed onto the boys arm.::
Dru: I couldn't have my little grand son upset on his birthday. (she pets his hair) They're head were empty ready to be filled so I filled them. Happy thoughts and nothing of the little slayer (she whispered in his ear) What do you think of you're big sister now?
Connor: (no scared at all turned to her and smiles) I love you, Aunt Dru. (gives her a hug) I guess you did pull it off, Dad.
::Connor turns around and smiles at his mother, who shares it and then to Spike. Spike gives him a nod. Connor turns and goes to his friends.::
Spike: (pulls Dru to him) See, he does love you.
Dru: (smiles to) Yes, he does.
::Angel watches his son leave with his friends::
Mario: .Of course they're weird, they're you're parents. At least they weird and cool, mine would never let us have any fun.
Ryan: Yeah, your Dad has the coolest weapons. I could get the double bladed knife.
Justin: yeah, may parents boring. I wouldn't want to be like them. At least you don't have to worry about that.
Connor: Yeah, you're right. I guess it's in my blood. (looks over at the family, locks eyes with his uncle) It's all in the blood.
::Spike smirks. Connor and his friends leave. Angel turns to everyone in the kitchen.::
Darla: Well thank god that's over! (she pulls out the packages of blood)
Spike: We're never doing that again!
Dru: It was fun having all the kiddies around.
Angel: Yeah, I don't think we'll be able to pull that off again, that was close. (calls of screen) They're gone now, Gramps!
Master: Finally! (comes into the kitchen and sits down) I thought they would never leave. I assume he was happy with his present. (he was fully healed)
Angel: They don't remember a thing.
::Darla handed mugs out to everyone and they sat down at the table. They didn't speak to one another::
Angel: Oh, no. (mutters)
Spike: What now, Proof? (annoyed)
Angel: I think we might have to do this again and more often. (solemn)
Darla: Why?
Angel: (turned to her) What are we gonna do when Connor gets a girlfriend?
::Black stares and silence continues. Creepy feeling comes over them all::
((Fade Out))
Well that's it. Turn in next week when Connor falls a girl at school. And the Master tries to start his own internet business.