BTW, the comment about Diamond not being able to be there to feed the baby, I thought about for a long time, and decided to change Nip's age to six months. At that age, babies have more tolerate stomachs, and so I think that, even though hobbits are primitive society, they may have done like people in Medieval England. Poor peasants lived in bad conditions, and sometimes a mother would die after her child's birth. If no midwife was found, they could sew up a little pouch made of animal skin and rubber and the baby would drink cow's milk or goat's milk out of that. So that's how I resolved this. Thanks for letting me know, however! Big help!
This is in Merry's POV again.
* * *
A new layer of frost covered the
ground outside, and the frozen leaves crunched along the ground as we walked.
In bare feet, hobbits do feel the cold of the ground, but it doesn't affect
us much. The bottoms of our feet are tough and the curly hair is like a
blanket. With jackets on, and no distraction because of uncovered feet,
it makes it easier for both Pippin and I to focus on what has just happened.
Long years have passed since we walked together. We would talk indoors, or sit outside, but we have not walked together since we were young. We haven't had much time for childish things either. Since we returned home from our long journey with the Fellowship, facing dangers and fighting monsters, we've both grown up so much. On the very same morning we discovered Frodo and Sam heading to Bree, Pippin and I had been raiding Farmer Maggot's field. But when we returned to the Shire the next fall, things had changed, and our home was in danger, and Pippin and I showed our bravery. Things were changing even now, and as I looked at Pippin, I didn't know if things would ever be the same.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked him. He looked at me, and then turned away. For the few seconds I caught a glimpse of his eyes, I saw something I'd never seen there before--plain fear. Even when we'd been held captive by the Uruk-hai, we both held on to one another, and the only thing we feared was separation. And when we were separated, we longed for each other, perhaps afraid that we would never see one another again, but I don't think either of us felt plain fear. What I saw in Pippin's eyes frightened me as well, and I put a hand on his shoulder. He was shaking so violently, but I could not tell from looking at him. I wanted for nothing more than us to be young children again, so I could take him into my arms and hold him until he felt better. That was the way things went then. But that was then, and this is now.
"What do you think I'm thinking about?" He snapped. I knew him much better than that. Behind his feigned anger, I felt his fear. I led him over to a small rock formation. We'd played on it often as children, and it resembled a bench. I forced Pippin down to sit, and then took a seat next to him.
"Why are you angry at me?" I asked him. He gazed upon me in absolute disbelief.
"Why shouldn't I be?" He exclaimed ."My little daughter is dead, and you're not sad at all, are you?"
"What are you talking about?" I cried, eyes wide. "I was the one who went with your son, the one who had to explain what had happened to her to him. I know you're hurting, but you--"
Pippin's cold laugh brought an abrupt end to my speech. "Of course, that's right, I'd forgotten. You always have to do everything. I'm always in the wrong. Everything's always my fault. Gandalf fell in Moria because I knocked that skeleton down the well. It was my fault we were kidnapped by the Uruks. I was the one who fell under spell to the Palantir. There are a lot more, and you know it. You've always silently blamed everything on me."
"That's a lie, and you know it!" I gasped, astonished he would even think such things. "Perhaps your foolishness did have some part in Gandalf falling to Shadow in Moria, but it was not entirely your fault. And we both were at fault for running right into the Uruks arms at Amon Hen, that couldn't have been prevented. As the for Palantir incident, I don't think it was anyone's fault but The Dark Lord's, and you couldn't help that. And think of the things you've done that were good. You and I saved many lives when our home was in trouble. If we hadn't made it, it you and I hadn't done anything, there wouldn't be a Shire now. And remember when we helped storm Isengard with the Ents? That was partly your doing. You helped convince them to go to war. You told Treebeard to turn around south, so that he could see what Saruman had done. Perhaps it wasn't your intent, but it did work. And don't forget Faramir, you saved his life as well! There are plenty of things you've done that you aren't even thinking of."
He was silent for a moment, then his angry gaze stared back at me. "But you were always smarter that I. You always thought of the best plans, and the best ways to get us out of trouble. When we were young, you could talk your way out of anything. It didn't work for me, all I had to do was stand there and be a darling little child, and no one would think anything of it. But you were always smarter and more clever that I am."
"Do you want to know why? It's because I'm older. I'm older and I've been alive longer than you, eight years longer, exactly. That's mainly the reason, Pippin. It has nothing to do with anything. You're just as wise as I am, I just know more."
"And another thing, I'm sick of being your shadow! It was always 'Merry and Pippin,' never 'Pippin and Merry.' You always got the top billing. Everyone liked you better anyway. I was just a tag-a-long, wasn't I, Merry? Answer me. That's how you always thought of me, isn't it? Just a stupid little cousin who never left you alone."
"Why are you talking like this? You weren't a tag-a-long, and I never, ever thought you were. Sometimes you were a nuisance, only when I was just started to like you for a playmate. When you were a baby, I thought you were noisy and loud and boring, but most eight-year-old boys would think that about baby cousins. As you got older, I grew to like you, and now we're closer than brothers."
"Are we?"
"We......what?"
"I said, 'Are we?' You never seem
to come visit us anymore. You only came this time because Diamond wanted
to visit Estella. If she hadn't, we never would have seen you. Did you
realise that?"
"Pippin, I'm Master of Buckland.
I'm in charge of the largest area in the Shire. I'm busy. I try and come
to see you as much as I can, but sometimes, I can't."
"Well, Merry, if you haven't noticed, I'm Thain of the Shire. I'm busy too. I have lots of work, but I would always find time to come see you. You don't think that highly of me, apparently, do you?"
"Pippin, I never said--"
"You did! Don't kid yourself. You wouldn't care at all if I died, would you?" His eyes flashed a look of pure hatred. "You don't care for anyone but yourself, do you, Master Braldagamba?"
I flinched. "You are very stupid, or else very bold, Peregrin Took." I said to him. He ignored me, turned around, slid down off the rock, and fell to the ground. His body began to shake, and strange noises came from him. I realised he was crying. I slid down to sit next to him and put my hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Merry. I don't know why I said that."
"It's all right. I never thought...Nothing. Tell me why you're crying."
"I miss her. I know it's probably not right that I should be saying this, but I would give up my own life if she would be allowed to live. I miss her so much. It was just six months, but we all fell in love with her. She was...so perfect. I can't--" He couldn't go on, and broke down in tears. Then, he leaned against me and put his head on my shoulder. I put my hand in his hair and rubbed it gently.
"Shhh, it's all right, stop crying. Your little one wouldn't want you crying. And you have to keep your head up."
"I don't know if I can," He said softly, lifting his head from my shoulder and wiping his tears away.
"You must. Do it for Faramir. And for Diamond. Keep strong for them, they'll expect you to be strong. You need to stay strong for your family."
"I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can."
"Listen to me, you can. You're strong, I know you better than you think."
"Am I really that strong inside?" He asked. "Could I really get through this? I want my son to know that everything will be all right, but how can I tell him? You're much better at these things than I am."
"Go inside and talk to him. He needs you now, more than ever. I may be an adult as well, but he needs his father most of all."
Pippin got up and started for the house. When he saw that I wasn't following him, he came back and sat down.
"Did you really care that she's gone?"
"Of course I did! I don't know if there are words to describe how I'm feeling. I want to help you, and I want to help Faramir. Are you going to be all right?"
"Yes, I'll be fine."
"Go talk to your son."
"Merry..."
"I'm just going to stay out here for a while."
"Keep a lookout for a carriage. Diamond should be coming back today. Or tomorrow perhaps. I don't even remember."
"It's all right. Go on. Go talk to Faramir, Pippin."
He turned and went towards the house. His son had fallen asleep in the rocking chair in Niphredil's nursery room. For the first time since her death, did Pippin's eyes came across his dead baby girl, and he could not help himself, falling to tears. He eased himself into another chair. He would be there when Faramir woke up. But not for Niphredil. It was too late for her.
* * *
A/n: I'm planning on giving Merry
and Estella some children in the future, and would like my readers' input
on names for their two children. Some of my own ideas for their son are:
Boromir, Eomer, Theoden, and Eothain. I haven't thought of anything for
a daughter, but I don't want her to have a flower name unless it's really
pretty. That's all I have so far, but if you guys have any input, please
let me know!