Happy Intro music plays:
Camera cuts to: A studio, tan and much like the World Vision one, except with a plaque on the wall reading 'World Domination Fund.' Busy looking people are sitting, talking on numerous phones. They appear to be working very hard, but are really just trading gossip with Aunt Nina.
I, tastefully dressed and holding a microphone, walk into view of the camera. Beside me is Mr. Sark of Alias.
ME: Hello. Tonight we will show you the plight of children in countries so poor, they can't even afford their own phone tap. My fictional co- host, Mr, umm, ahh, 'Sark' and I care deeply about these children. Let's meet one of them.
SCENE cuts to a village in a South American country. A sad looking little boy is standing outside a mud hut, holding a teddy bear.
ME: Eduardo lives in Puerto Rico. His personal dream is to rule an obscure East European country. Which one was it, Sark?
Sark: I think it was Bristol.
ME: That's not in Eastern Europe!
Sark: Czechoslovakia, then.
ME: OK. Just think, for the small, small price of $500,000, you can give Eduardo his own personal mercenary army. Help fulfill his dreams, and the dreams of thousands of other underprivileged children. Give generously, and be content in the knowledge that 100% of the money goes to organized- crime syndicates, which we pay to work for these children.
Sark: What? You're giving our money away?
ME: Yes, Sark, that's the point of charity. *under breath* Of course not! But we're on live, so shut up!
Sark: Oh, so we aren't really giving any of it to Eduardo?
ME, facing the camera: Yes we are! Here at the World Domination Fund, we give every penny of donations from kind viewers like you to help little children take over the world.
Sark: I don't know why I even signed up to do this. I mean, I'm tired of taking orders from Sloane. And my MOM (A/N: One of my pet theories is that Irina's his mom) still pushes me around! I deserve some of that money!
ME, under breath: BE QUIET! YOU WON'T GET ANY OF WE'RE EXPOSED!
Sark: Oh, OK, I'm good at lying.
ME, again to the camera: My co- host appears to be having psychological difficulties. Please watch these commercial messages from our sponsors.
CAMERA CUTS TO commercials.
Camera cuts to: A studio, tan and much like the World Vision one, except with a plaque on the wall reading 'World Domination Fund.' Busy looking people are sitting, talking on numerous phones. They appear to be working very hard, but are really just trading gossip with Aunt Nina.
I, tastefully dressed and holding a microphone, walk into view of the camera. Beside me is Mr. Sark of Alias.
ME: Hello. Tonight we will show you the plight of children in countries so poor, they can't even afford their own phone tap. My fictional co- host, Mr, umm, ahh, 'Sark' and I care deeply about these children. Let's meet one of them.
SCENE cuts to a village in a South American country. A sad looking little boy is standing outside a mud hut, holding a teddy bear.
ME: Eduardo lives in Puerto Rico. His personal dream is to rule an obscure East European country. Which one was it, Sark?
Sark: I think it was Bristol.
ME: That's not in Eastern Europe!
Sark: Czechoslovakia, then.
ME: OK. Just think, for the small, small price of $500,000, you can give Eduardo his own personal mercenary army. Help fulfill his dreams, and the dreams of thousands of other underprivileged children. Give generously, and be content in the knowledge that 100% of the money goes to organized- crime syndicates, which we pay to work for these children.
Sark: What? You're giving our money away?
ME: Yes, Sark, that's the point of charity. *under breath* Of course not! But we're on live, so shut up!
Sark: Oh, so we aren't really giving any of it to Eduardo?
ME, facing the camera: Yes we are! Here at the World Domination Fund, we give every penny of donations from kind viewers like you to help little children take over the world.
Sark: I don't know why I even signed up to do this. I mean, I'm tired of taking orders from Sloane. And my MOM (A/N: One of my pet theories is that Irina's his mom) still pushes me around! I deserve some of that money!
ME, under breath: BE QUIET! YOU WON'T GET ANY OF WE'RE EXPOSED!
Sark: Oh, OK, I'm good at lying.
ME, again to the camera: My co- host appears to be having psychological difficulties. Please watch these commercial messages from our sponsors.
CAMERA CUTS TO commercials.