~Xionin (perra_de_amor@yahoo.com)
Enjoy!
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I'm So Happy That I Can't Stop CryingSpike straightens out his shirt and glances around again.
"Yep, Slayer did it." He turns towards Wood. The principal's back is to him as he walks away. "Right...nice workin' with you too." He mutters.
Buffy and Andrew emerge from the basement. If he didn't know any better, Spike would swear that the boy seems to have aged 10 years. Maybe he's sussed out that it's not all fun and games. He muses.
"You alright?" He looks Buffy over, concern set in his brow.
"Yeah," she smiles thinly. "We're fine, he just..." She gestures to Andrew. "He needed a quick lesson in reality." Spike relaxes and briefly places his hand in the small of her back, mostly for his own reassurance. He is careful not to do it in Andrew's sightline, although Andrew isn't really aware of the pair of them, he is so lost in his own thoughts.
The three walk back to the Summers' home in relative silence. Spike steals glances at Buffy when she isn't looking. She does the same. They are both wary at having a third person along, but it can't be helped. Andrew follows behind, his head down. They reach the house and file inside, exhausted from their efforts.
The threesome enters in the midst of a heated conversation that hushes as soon as Buffy and Spike enter the living room. Andrew quickly disappears upstairs, off in another world, it seems. Spike walks to the bottom of the stairs and watches the boy retreat, a curious expression on his face. Several Potentials are sitting around and their eyes follow Spike's every move. It doesn't go unnoticed.
"Is there a problem?" Buffy crosses her arms and addresses the group. Recognizing the tone in her voice, Spike steps back and stands behind her, looking to the group for a response.
"No." Kennedy's voice is hard and cold as is her expression. She cocks her head in defiance. Buffy lets out a sigh and heads into the kitchen. Spike lingers for a moment, narrowing his eyes at the group and follows her slowly. Willow and Xander are sitting at the kitchen counter.
"Buffy, everything go as planned?" Willow's voice is weary, but she puts on a cheery face.
"Yeah...uh..." Buffy winces at some sudden fatigue and rolls her head around in an attempt to stretch out her muscles. Spike, without thinking, slips his hands onto her shoulders and begins to knead. She relaxes and continues.
"I think we succeeded in closing the seal...for now, at least. May buy us a little time." She casually places her hand on her shoulder on top of Spike's. He kisses the top of her head and releases her, heading to the refrigerator.
This entire scene plays out in front of Willow and Xander and the fact that the blonde pair is so in sync leaves both parties speechless. Willows eyes widen at the display. Xander feels the sudden need to be in the other room. Spike pulls out a container of blood and reaches for a mug.
"I'm…uh…gonna go check on the…uh…girls." Xander lamely offers. He exits quickly. Buffy sighs, tired of walking on eggshells, she simply sits next to Willow on the vacated stool.
"You must be pretty beat, huh?" Buffy nods at Willow's question. "You hungry? There's leftover mac and cheese."
"Nah, I think I'm just going to head upstairs." Buffy slides off of the stool and heads out of the kitchen, glancing quickly over her shoulder to Spike who catches her voice faintly in his head. 15 minutes, then come up. Buffy quietly leaves.
Spike looks down at his mug when he feels Willow's eyes on him and he looks up at her. She has a look of pure incredulity. She is initially unaware of her glaring, but then her face suddenly reddens and she looks down at her hands quickly. Spike, his eyebrows furled, brings the cup slowly to his lips.
"Heard that, did you?" he asks just before he sips, never taking his eyes off of her. Willow's eyes slowly rise to his.
"Uh huh." She looks oddly guilty, but even more oddly she looks…miffed.
"Hear anything else lately?" Spike sets the mug onto the counter. He places both hands flat and lowers himself a bit more to her eye level. Willow blinks in slow motion and a thin smile spreads across her lips. If it's possible, her face becomes redder still.
"Since you're asking…" she turns her head towards the door. Confident that no one is approaching, she turns back to Spike. "I taught her that, y'know."
Spike's eyebrows rise in confusion for a moment, and then he realizes, his eyebrows reaching for the ceiling, "the mind bit."
"Yes. I-it was for emergencies and…stuff."
"And…stuff?" Spike dares a grin. Willow doesn't return it.
"Well…yeah…stuff," she's a little unsure of where he is going with this. "How long-"
"-have we been…speaking…that way?" Willow nods to Spike that he's finished the question correctly. "Started the other night…when, uh we-" He's not sure how much to reveal to the redhead. She nods in understanding, though.
"I know…I was in the kitchen when she told you to go upstairs and wait for her." Willow once again looks down a little guiltily.
"So when you followed me, you'd heard her?" Spike knows that Buffy and Willow had spoken about whatever was happening between them, but he didn't know how much they had discussed.
"Yeah, that's why I had to ask you what was up. I mean-" Willow's eyes look around the ceiling, searching for something. "That was some heavy duty stuff I felt from you and Buffy…and Xander."
"So…do you..I mean-" Now it's Spike's turn to stammer for the words.
"Spike," Willow hops off of the stool and approaches the newly souled, master vampire. "Make Buffy happy and we're friends forever," she says almost cheerily. Something dark then passes over her face as her voice lowers to a whisper. "Make her sad or hurt her in anyway…" She doesn't finish. Spike feels a pressure, like an invisible something…a hand, maybe…squeezing his throat. It doesn't hurt, but it sure-as-hell frightens him. His eyes harden to a darker blue and he smiles with new respect for the witch.
"Understood." He says slowly. I would never hurt her or allow her to be harmed. Not while I unlive and unbreathe.
You've said that before. She responds. Spike winces and his eyes close momentarily.
He opens them again, determined. The two are standing inches apart as he leans down to look into her eyes. That was before…I would never. I could never. EVER.
"I would rather die." He says aloud. Neither of them takes notice as Giles enters the room, just returning from his trip he places one bag on the floor, a smaller one on the stool. His movements are in slow motion as he quietly observes the two of them.
Willow slowly lifts her hand and it hovers over the place where Spike's heart should be. He nods in permission and she touches his chest. A slow tingling sensation starts out from her palm, through her fingers and into Spike's chest. He feels a pang of fear and then relaxes as the tingling turns into warmth.
Willow closes her eyes, her mouth opening slightly. He studies her face, her mouth and realizes he's never been this close to her before. He'd never noticed how pretty she is. Not beautiful like the Slayer, but…genuinely pretty. Just then the warmth spreads through his chest and he is forced to close his eyes.
Willow gasps and mutters something under her breath. Spike's eyes snap open as do hers as if answering. They stare into each other.
Giles' first instinct is to interrupt whatever Willow is attempting, but he is learning to trust the reforming Wicca. Besides, he will intervene if things get out of hand.
Spike and Willow are both on a mound or hill of some sort watching a small but fierce battle. Several Potentials are in a heated fight against agents of the First. Spike attempts to move from the spot they're in, but he is unable.
"You can't move," Willow says to him. "You can only watch."
"Why are we here? What's this for?" Spike turns to her, angrily.
"This is what's coming, Spike."
"I bloody well know that."
"And will you be there?"
"What?"
"Will you be there when it comes down to this?"
Spike glares at her for a moment and then he hears Buffy's scream over the din of the fighting. He turns toward the sound and he sees her exchanging blows with someone while her left arm hangs loosely at her side.
"Buffy!"
"She can't hear you." Willow is unbelievably calm in this maelstrom.
"Why are you showing me this?" Spike is furious and outraged with the witch.
"Will you be there…will you be able to watch this knowing…knowing" she trails off. "Will you fight with her? For her?"
"God, of course I will!" Spike is desperate in his fury. He wants to run to her aid.
"Even now?" Willow asks and Spike looks at her quizzically and then turns his head back towards Buffy.
Buffy is standing aside as Angel defeats two attacking creatures. He then turns to her and takes her in his arms, comforting her. They both cling to each other, checking each other over for injuries. Suddenly their eyes lock and Angel bends to kiss her. Buffy timidly returns the kiss at first, but then it deepens and they wrap their arms around each other. Spike's mouth drops open and tears spring to his eyes.
"No…no no no."
"Could you still fight for her?" Willow is studying Spike intently.
"No...I…yes…yes, of course, but…" Spike can feel his heart breaking.
"No buts, Spike. Could you fight for her?" Willow's voice is outside of her, around her and larger than life. It humbles Spike's rage into submission.
Spike swallows and then blinks, the tears streaming down his face, his eyes locked on the kissing pair. "Yes, I will fight for her and with her and by her side. No matter what." He confirms in a crackling whisper.
Willow's eyes widen and then she suddenly smiles. The scene before them dissolves and Spike finds himself standing in the front lawn, with Willow, in front of a quiet Summers' home. Again he blinks, wipes the tears and looks at the redhead.
"I'm s-sorry I had to do that." She says softly.
"Why did you?" He isn't angry as much as he is confused.
"I needed to know. You need to be strong, Spike. For Buffy." Spike nods and the tears begin again. Willow turns around and the scene shifts again. Buffy appears before them and she is smiling, crying, laughing…all at once. She looks broken but free…relieved.
"She does need you, Spike." Willow turns back to him, but his eyes are on the Slayer. There are twin rivers of salty liquid flowing down his face.
Giles moves closer to the pair, his gaze fixated on Spike's face and he places a hand on Willow's shoulder. She lets out a long breath and her hand falls away from Spike's chest. Spike stumbles backwards and he catches himself on the sink. He then notices Giles' presence. Eyes darting back and forth between the two of them, he straightens up and clears his throat. He turns to the back door, opens it, and walks out, closing the door behind him.
"Willow?" Giles doesn't know what to make of the scene he's just witnessed.
"Hi Giles." Willow mumbles slowly, still watching the door.
"What, may I ask, was that all about?" He gently turns the girl towards him.
"I-I showed him something that he needed to see." Willow replies softly.
"Well...do you think it w-was wise to, er, use your magic thusly?" He asks gently.
Willow looks up at Giles and she suddenly seems unsure. "I think so, I dunno. I hope so."
Upstairs, Buffy steps back into her room; her hair is wet from the shower. She is disappointed to find that Spike is not there waiting for her. She reluctantly dresses in a tank and loose sweats before heading downstairs to look for him.
She peeks into the living room and scans the scattered sleeping bags filled with frightened but agitated young girls, thankfully too distracted by the glow of the television to notice her.
Buffy turns into the kitchen where she finds a newly returned Giles. It is obvious that he and Willow are having another 'talk.'
"Giles, Spike will be fine." Buffy only hears the last part of Willow's sentence before she interrupts.
"What's this about Spike?" Buffy's great fear is that her former Watcher will find out some twisted version of what has transpired between her and the blonde vampire in the last few days before she's had a chance to explain.
Willow turns to Buffy, an explanation forming on her lips, when Giles intervenes.
"That's precisely what I would like to know, Buffy." His fatigue from travel shows in his voice, as does his determination to finish the conversation they'd begun over the phone.
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Spike walks away from Revello drive, in no particular direction, but his feet carry him to a familiar place. His hands continue to wipe angrily at the tears that refuse to stop their descent from his broken eyes.
"Oh God…why…do I keep bloody doing this to myself!" he mutters. Wandering over to the familiar gray slab bearing the name of the one woman that had ever treated him with a modicum of pre-soul kindness, "Hi Joyce." He crouches down in front of the tombstone, tracing his fingers over the letters and numbers etched in the granite. "Wish you were here, luv. You could tell me what the bloody hell to do here." Spike's words are angry, but his voice is soft in despair.
"She said she loved me, but I-I…" He places his head in his hands and begins rocking slowly, back and forth, finally curling up in a ball in front of the stone.
"I was happy, Joyce…for a moment" he whispers. "I mean…it was a bloody dream come true, hearing those words come out of her mouth." He sighs. "I don't deserve her love…I know that. But…" He chokes out a sob. "I guess…I guess I misunderstood, didn't I?" He uncurls and lays flat on his back.
"I read more into those words. She. Loves. Me." He pauses. "but she's not in love with me." He lets out an exasperated and ragged breath, but he is calming in his rationalization.
"Her heart will always belong to Angel, won't it, Joyce?" He turns his head towards the small monument. He brushes his fingertips in long strokes across her name, almost in reverence. "She misses you, y'know."
"So does the nibblet." He sighs, looking up at the night sky. "I miss you too, but don't worry. She may not love me as I would like, but she needs me. They all do. I'll defend them with every last ounce of my strength."
"I promise."
With that he closes his eyes, his hand tracing lightly on his chest in the place where his heart should be.
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Willow quietly slips out of the room as Buffy and Giles are locked in what seems to be a stare down, of sorts. It is the older man that breaks the stalemate.
"Buffy-" he starts.
"Look…" Buffy sighs and plops down on a stool, her fatigue returning ten-fold. "Giles, we've had this discussion."
"No, I'm afraid we haven't, Buffy. Now I understand that you feel somewhat responsible for Spike, but I still strongly believe that you are allowing his…er…state to cloud your judgment."
Buffy looks slightly stunned by his words. "His…STATE?" Her lips form a thin, red line to prevent her next thought from escaping her mouth.
"Er…yes…his souled state," Giles offers weakly, attempting to gather his thoughts. It is clear that he has not adjusted to the change in time zone. He looks as if he's been awakened from REM sleep…eyes unfocused…words disjointed. "I know that his having gotten a soul…has…affected your judgment of him."
"My judgment of him? Giles, listen to yourself." Buffy's patience is making a hasty exit, stage left as she attempts to keep some semblance of calm in her voice. "I am not anyone to judge Spike, Giles and neither are you." Giles squints his eyes as the deep ridges of his forehead express his disbelief and imminent anger at her statement.
"Not anyone to…dear lord, girl, I can't believe your stupidity." His voice is so low that, if you were sitting across the room you would think that they were having an intimate conversation on a pleasant topic. But the words are dripping with condescension and Buffy bristles in reaction.
"My what?" She straightens up.
"You're incredibly arrogant, young lady." She blinks at him. "You've known of Vampires for, what, 6 years and suddenly you're an expert on the species? Lest we forget I've spent the better part of my life hunting and killing the blasted things…readying myself to train the Vampire Slayer…and now, what…I end up with a Slayer that not only has romantic involvement with two of them-" He spits out the word. "But is now endangering much of the Slayer line, not to mention the lives of her family and friends, by having him in this house!"
Buffy shoots up so quickly that Giles steps back from her defensively.
"If I thought that Spike were a danger, Giles, I would stake him myself!"
"But you didn't, did you Buffy? He was feeding and siring again, for the First, and you didn't rid yourself of him." Giles steps forward and squares off with his charge. "Instead you helped him. You brought him back here knowing that he had that blasted trigger. Knowing that, at any moment, he could rip your throat out. Or Dawn's. Or Willow's!"
Buffy is shaking, her anger brimming. She wants to hit something, crush something, but instead she balls her fists up so tightly that her fingernails draw half-moon circles of blood in her palms. The stinging cools her ire down a degree, but only one.
Giles sighs, knowing that this line of fire will not sway her. "You've made a decision that Spike is an ally, Buffy, and I won't challenge that. But I do need to make sure that he is no danger to us all as a puppet of the First."
"He isn't-" she interjects.
"Oh he bloody well is!" His temper begins to simmer again, but he abates it. "That is why I went in search of something…something that may be able to break the First's hold on him."
Buffy relaxes her stance and lets out a small sigh of relief. "A way to de-trigger him?"
"Yes…but only if he is willing."
"He is."
"Are you sure, Buffy?" He moves closer to her and places a hand lightly on her shoulder. It is an awkward gesture, but she appreciates the sentiment.
"Yes. He wants nothing more than to be free of it, Giles." She steps around him and turns back, regarding how fragile he seems all of a sudden. Not the wise sage she once thought him to be. Just a man. A man with fears. And a man with secrets.
"Well…er…good." Giles fumbles in his pocket for a handkerchief. Finding one, he dabs at his forehead and pushes his glasses up, turning to face her. "Tomorrow I will research exactly how this will work. Of course, I will probably need Willow's, uh, assistance." Buffy nods. She looks over to the back door. Three beats later, Spike enters.
His eyes lock onto Buffy's and Giles becomes instantly uncomfortable and rigid. "We'll talk tomorrow Buffy." He turns his back on Spike and gathers his things. Turning back to Spike, partially "Spike." Spike doesn't acknowledge him. Giles leaves the room unnoticed by either of them. Spike slowly closes the door behind him and leans against it.
"Where were you," Buffy asks softly. "Why didn't you come up, did you-, did something happen?"
Spike smiles, but it is only with his mouth. "Nah, pet…just needed some air, is all." He walks towards her, arms outstretched, and she steps into him. He folds her into himself and rests his chin on her head. "I'll always love you, Buffy Summers." He states simply…softly. She mmmmmm's into his chest.
He smiles, but a tear escapes. Quickly, he brushes it away. "I'll walk you upstairs, luv." She tips her head back and the look of contentment on her face breaks his heart even more.
God, I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish.
He kisses her forehead before she turns to lead them upstairs.
TBC