"Yesterday was the last day I remember
As I can't seem to forget
The look on your face
As you fell against the cold air
And hit the ice
I can't seem to focus on today
Because I died with you yesterday."
When I Can't Remember Tomorrow Is Coming
"Kagome? Does your head still hurt?" A light fell upon the dark corner of the cold room. It felt like a tomb, and the girl looked the part. She was pale and thin. Her skin looked as if it had been simply spread tightly over her bones. Every bone was visible. Her skin looked sickly and seemed almost paper thin. It was a pale yellow, and her eyes seemed blank, as if she had no thoughts left. No memories. No emotion, no feeling for anything or anyone.
"Kagome! Why haven't you been eating?" It was true. Bowls of cold soup, most spoiled by now, lay all over the floor. Some had rats scurrying away as the light fell across the room. Her bed was as soiled as could be, with stains everywhere. Red stains.
"Kagome, have you been cutting yourself again?" The girl gave a soft nod. Her eyes lay unfocused looking around the room as the girl in front of her advanced forward. "I told you not to. It's bad. Kagome, you need to live! Not hurt yourself. Come on. Follow me! We'll go give you a bath. Then you'll feel much better!" The girl with the light took the sick girl she called Kagome by the hand and passed the threshold.
The girl, Kagome, had not seen sunlight in 3 weeks. She had eaten little and drank a bit of water everyday. The villagers took away any sharp objects from the room in which she stayed, as they found she would cut herself. But, it did not help. She would scrap at her arms with her finger nails and bits of broken wood. She would burn her fingers with the fire they had in the room. Her fingernails were cut, the wood replaced and repaired, no fire was started and the girl had to come and get Kagome.
But, it seemed Kagome enjoyed the dark. She never complained of it. She, instead, cringed when the girl brought the light into the room.
Kagome lay day after day, wasting away on the bed. Clutching some piece of cloth. The villagers were puzzled by the meaning of this. She would not give it up or let anyone touch it. She always seemed out of focus, as if some other world played within her head. As if she were not really there, as if she was living a memory. Having it play in her head.
The girl shook her head. This Kagome, she had been this way ever since they had found her. They gave her clothing and a place to stay. She never said anything much, except when they asked her name.
"My name is Kagome. I am Kagome. No one's Kagome."
Haruko was puzzled by this girl she had to lead everyday.
~~--~~--~~
So much darkness and despair. I live here. I like it here. It hides me. It keeps me from letting go, because if I do, I will be ungrateful. To let my feeling go. To not keep them in my heart. My head. They must stay there constantly.
~~--~~--~~
"Come on in, Kagome! I'll get you all nice and clean. Then you can go back to sleep." Haruko tried desperately to be cheerful. It made her sound even more saccharine. But, it seemed that Kagome had a depressing air about her. So, Haruko always tried to brush it off and away. Sometimes it worked. Other times it didn't.
~~--~~--~~
What is the real purpose of life, if you know when you are born, you will die? Why are we born? Why should we be here? This world was beautiful before humans. It was made ugly by them and their wickedness. So, why are we here?
I am just as wicked as they are. I couldn't do anything. I was stupid. I was irresponsible. I did worse this time. This time, I can't leave. I can't leave the pain. I can't leave the suffering and I can't forget. It would be horrible to forget.
~~--~~--~~
The rain slowly came down as Haruko led Kagome back to her little shack and room. The light played against the walls as Haruko cleaned up the room. Kagome curled into the fetal position and looked at the wall, unfocused eyes as usual.
Haruko would not be surprised if the girl was blind. She stared out at nothing constantly. Even if someone was speaking to her and she knew it. She never looked at them. She never truly even turned or tilted her head. It simply always seemed to aimed at nothingness.
~~--~~--~~
I couldn't help. I couldn't save. I am a horrible person. I am just as wicked. Why can't I die? Why do these people do as they do? Why did they take away my ways out? Out of this cursed being? Why did they? Why do I never get any answers from you? You should answer! You should answer!
~~--~~--~~
Haruko took a last look at the girl to make sure she was alright. Kagome shook the piece of cloth violently, then stopped and dropped it. Tears rolled down her face as she stared at the wall. She then began to grope for the cloth again.
Haruko shook her head. Nothing was working. Nothing had helped. Perhaps it would be best if they did let her do as she wished.
~~--~~--~~
You can't answer, can you? I do not blame you. I would not either. I could not. But, I still wish you could. Wish that you could tell me what to do, so I could be with you. But, you never say. You never utter a single word. Why do you do this to me? Have I truly been that wicked? As to deserve this as a punishment?
You think no. You say yes. Why are you this way? Why can't you be the way you were? Why can't everything be like before? Why is it so different now? Why is it the way it is?
Why don't you answer? Why don't you move truly? Why do you expect me to do everything? Why did you leave? Why did you never come back? Why did you leave me alone? Why did you never say good-bye? Why didn't you look back? Why did you not let me see you at your final moment? Why? Why? Why?
~~--~~--~~
Kagome lay in the dark, though she did not know it as so. She only saw emptiness. Nothingness. She didn't know anything else. She didn't feel the coarse futon below her, the cold air biting at her skin, the rain hitting her hair, or the gnawing of her stomach. She couldn't hear the laughing of the children as they played in the gentle drizzle, the yells of parents for the children to come in. She couldn't smell the food they prepared or the rain that fell. She saw emptiness. Nothing else. It had consumed her. It had taken her over. And, she wasn't retaliating.
~~--~~--~~
Where are you? Where have you gone? Did you leave because of me? Because of what I did? Did you go to that other place because of my wickedness? Why can't you say where you are? At least let me find you. I'm afraid of the dark. Yet, I know you told me to stay out. Yet, if I do, won't I forsake you? And, isn't that wrong? Isn't that the worst thing I can do know? I miss you.
~~--~~--~~
Kagome stood up and opened the shoji screen. She moved almost zombie-like through the night air. She walked out through the yard and out of the village. Her breath in great white puffs in front of her. It was a cold night for April. She of course, did not notice, or know what month it was. She simply walked.
She neared a large clearing in the forest. The path opened to the clearing, where blood stained the ground. There, she fell and cried.
~~--~~--~~
So many dark memories you plague my mind with. Why? Why did you do this now? Why did you leave me? Why? Why? Why can't you answer? Why can't you say anything? Why can't you do anything else? Why do you stay there? Why can't you come to me? Why can't you banish my nightmares?
I am wicked, yet do I deserve all of this? Do I deserve this life? Why do you not let me die? Why did you hold me to that? Why? Why can't you be here with me...
my Inuyasha?
~~--~~--~~
3 Weeks Before
"Kagome..." The hanyou lay on the ground, before the shattered remains of the well.
"Inuyasha...please don't leave me!" Kagome sat huddled next to him, holding his hand between hers.
"Kagome, promise me you will live here. Promise me you won't try to follow me. Promise me please." Inuyasha choked out the words. His blood came out in spurts as he talked.
"No. Inuyasha, don't leave me! Don't make me promise stupid things like that, when you know you will live!" Kagome's tears fell came faster and fell down her face.
"Kagome, please don't cry. I hate it when you cry. It makes me feel as if I have done something wrong and hurt you." Inuyasha stuttered. His body felt so sore. He only had a few more minutes. He would never give up and leave her. But, he knew it would happen. He just had to put on a brave face for her.
"No. You didn't do anything wrong. It was me this time. Me. Not you." She lay next to him and wrapped an arm around his torso. He looked over at her and smiled.
"Kagome, please promise me." He pleaded again.
She lay her head on his chest and heard his slow heart. She gave a sharp shriek and cried harder into his chest. Inuyasha tried as best he could to comfort her. She sought refuge in his chest and wrapped her arms around him.
"Inuyasha, when you die, I will follow you eventually. That I will promise." Kagome said after a few moments.
"Please do not leave here just because of me." Inuyasha said.
"I can promise you that too." She stuttered. "But, I said when you do die. You won't die for a long time. We can live together, like we planned. We can be together, right Inuyasha?" She rubbed her hand up and down his face and cradled her head against his neck.
"Kagome, I won't be around too much longer. I can't deny that. I can't give you false hope. I know my fate." He began to cry himself. He was losing everything.
As soon as he had won the battle, barely, he lost more blood than he thought he even had. He had been hurt saving Kagome. Yet, he destroyed her. The well. Naraku had destroyed it with the same blast at Inuyasha. She could never travel back. Never again. He was a little happy, knowing she could always stay with him, but he was sad too. His love. No longer able to go back to her future home.
"Inuyasha, I said it last night didn't I? It wasn't just a dream, right?" Kagome rolled off of him and began to play with his hair and ears.
"Yes. You said it." He began to purr lightly as she rubbed his ears at their base.
"Good. I couldn't let you go without saying it." She stopped and instead rubbed her hand up and down his chest.
"Inuyasha, I love you. I want to say it again, so you will never forget." Kagome gave him a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Kagome, I will never forget those words. Don't ever doubt that I will. No matter if you only said them once, I will never forget." He kissed her back as best he could, trying not to get blood in her mouth.
"I love you, Kagome." He let her go and closed his eyes.
"Inuyasha! Don't leave me!" She cried harder and harder.
"I can't stop this flow. I can't stop this way. I wish I could. I'm so sorry my Kagome. I am so sorry. Please forgive me." Inuyasha's breaths came in quicker and shorter pants.
"I forgive you." Kagome kissed him one last time.
"Keep your promise. Please, Kagome." Inuyasha whispered in her ear as he took a final breath.
"I will Inuyasha! I promise you! Please wait for me...please my Inuyasha!" She saw him give a small nod and his chest stopped moving. His heart beat was no longer audible.
The heavens opened up and covered over Kagome's cries and the water she left.
~~--~~--~~
"Yesterday was the last day I remember
As I can't seem to forget
The look on your face
As you fell against the cold air
And hit the ice.
I can't seem to focus on today
Because I died with you yesterday.
And I can't remember there is a tomorrow,
Because my thoughts betrayed all yesterday.
I forgot the way to live.
Forgive me.
Forgive me, as I can't remember
That tomorrow is coming,
As I want you to be with me today,
And not make me wait another day.
Please forgive me,
As I'm too impatient to wish for tomorrow to be here sooner,
Because it seems if I do
I will forget the true feeling of what you said,
And the way you want me to be.
I can't remember tomorrow.
I don't truly remember today.
Yesterday was the last day I remember
As I can't seem to forget
The look on your face
As you fell against the cold air
And hit the ice.
I can't seem to focus on today
Because I died with you yesterday."
---by Luna Imper
A/N: I would really appreciate reviews. Ya, I really would.
~~~Y.L.S.