Title: Visions of the Night (Chapter 18 of Don't Stop the Dance)
My last interlude before 'Dirty Girls'
Author: Xionin
Rating: PG-13 [this chapter, next chapter R begins]
Pairing: Buffy/Spike. Other major characters included.
Feedback: Pretty please! Is anyone even still reading this thing? ;]
Disclaimer: ...6.7.8.9.10. Come out, come out wherever you are! Joss? Marti? Anyone?
Hey, where'd everybody go? "Dear Xionin, We were bored with our toys. You can take whatever you want and give the rest to Goodwill. Love ME" Cool!
Thank Yous: Miss Kitty a/k/a Wunder Beta! Dema for finally reading my work.
Enjoy! ~Xionin
Visions of the Night
Buffy's tossing and turning, which is more than what she gets most nights. It means she's dreaming. Usually she catches quick catnaps before her mind snaps back to alertness and she tries to strategize ways of winning this increasingly deadly war. She is mumbling in her sleep.
Mom?
She is running through thick foliage. Enormous leaves of greenery slap at her face, her arms, her thighs. Dressed in thin pajama bottoms with a tank top, her feet are bare. She is running with her hands in front of her face to push the branches and leaves out of the way, squinting her eyes as the ones she misses sting her.
Mom!
She comes to a clearing of pristine white beach. The water at the edge is jewel-tones of blue and green. The sun peeks over the humungous palm trees but is high enough in the sky to offer warmth without the burn. Buffy slows her pace as she approaches lands' end. She turns 360 degrees, searching for any other sign of life. There is no one. She turns back to the water, scanning the horizon which is undisturbed.
Hello sweetheart.
Buffy spins in the direction of the voice. Her mother is standing 5 feet or so from her in the sand. She is barefoot and wearing a light yellow sundress with a big floppy straw hat.
Mom.
Buffy rushes into her mother's open arms which surround her. Joyce's hands caress her daughter's hair and back, whispering soothing words into the ear of the woman that has dissolved into a young girl in a matter of seconds.
Shhhh. Sweetie, it's all right. I'm here.
Mom...m-mom.
Shhhhh.
The two women rock back and forth in their embrace. Slowly, Buffy pulls back to look her mother in the eye. Joyce smoothes the stray hairs back from her forehead and smiles.
My sweet girl.
Buffy smiles brightly at the endearment and she kisses her mother cheeks.
I miss you so much, mom.
I know you do honey, I know you do. But I'm with you. Everyday, I'm with you.
It' so hard, mom. I-it's...
Shhhhh.
Joyce gently embraces Buffy once more and guides her to the edge of the surf. The two women sit in the sand just out of the reach of the encroaching waves. Buffy rests her head on her mother's shoulder. They sit in silence for a few moments.
Mom?
Yes dear?
Will I be able to do this? Will I be able to win this time?
Yes, sweetheart, you almost have everything you need.
Almost?
She looks up at her mother's serene face as she gazes out at the water.
There are some things you are still finding out. But you're almost there.
She turns to look at Buffy and takes her daughter's hands into her own.
You are going to be tested, Buffy. Tempted. Don't give in. You will know what is right and what is true.
Don't let IT deceive you. Don't let it make you doubt yourself. Protect yourself and the ones you love.
They may not always understand, but they will depend on you as never before.
Tell me what to do, mom. I can't do this alone.
Buffy's brow furrows with fear. She clings to her mother's hands.
You're not alone, Buffy.
But Giles and the others-
Not them.
Buffy's eyes widen in realization.
I was right.
Yes. You were right all along. Just follow it through.
The two sit in silence at the sky turns various shades of orange and pink and then finally purple and blue. Buffy lies down with her head in her mother's lap. Joyce strokes her daughter blonde locks, lulling her to sleep. As the first three stars appear in the evening sky, Joyce slowly extricates herself from her daughter's slumbering form. She bends over her ear before rising and whispers into it, parting with a kiss.
Make him understand, my darling. Tell him how you feel.
It all comes down to Love.
Joyce walks into the forest leaving Buffy on the shore.
--------
She knocks softly on the door. When no one answers, Dawn enters her sister's room to find her sound asleep. Dawn can't remember the last time Buffy had slept so deeply. She is reluctant to wake her but knows that she would want the news. Quietly and slowly she lowers herself on the bed next to her sister. She drapes and arm across her waist and studies the smooth features of her face. She looks so peaceful. She hasn't seen this Buffy in ages. Lately, her older sister has more resembled a hardened war general than the vibrant woman she'd hoped to take after one day.
Dawn watches as, in her dreaming, different emotions play out across her sister's face. Her lips are moving slightly, as if in conversation. Small sounds escape from her throat. Dawn gently shakes her.
"Buuuu-ffyyyy. Buffy, wake up." She doesn't really want to wake her. Laying here beside her, feeling the softness and warmth, it's not something that Dawn has had a lot of lately. She misses touching and holding. Joyce used to hold her all the time. And she and Buffy used to cuddle up together and watch movies on the couch when she was little. Not that any of that actually happened, but the monks were nice enough to put the memories there. Dawn has come to accept those memories as reality, no longer distinguishing between experiences.
"C'mon, Buffy. Time to get up. Rise and shine." Buffy stirs a little, as her brow knits.
"Mmmmm 5 more minutes." She mumbles, pulling Dawn's arm tighter around her. Dawn smiles and closes her eyes, inhaling the faint vanilla smell of the blonde's hair.
She can still manage to smell girly while saving the world.
A small smile appears on her lips. After a few more moments, Dawn tries again to rouse her slumbering sister.
"C'mon sleepyhead. We've got major evil at the door waiting for an ass-whoopin." Dawn deliberately uses the phrase to get her sister's attention. She smirks in her closed face.
"Unnngh. Sleep...need sleep." Despite the protests, Buffy's eyes slowly open. She blinks a few times to adjust to the closeness of the face across from her. "Dawn?"
"Hey." Dawn smiles, but it quickly dissipates as Buffy extracts herself from her sister's embrace to sit up.
"Wh-what time is it?" Buffy rubs the sleep out of her eyes and looks around for her alarm clock.
"It's around 11." Dawn's smile returns. She's happy that Buffy was able to get some sleep. Something big happened last night. She doesn't know what, exactly, but she'd heard Buffy and Giles in the hall.
"Oh geez. I must have really passed out when I got back." Buffy looks over at Dawn as if seeing her for the first time. "Oh hey...how are you? Are you all right?" She checks over the superficial wounds Dawn had sustained during Spike's detriggering session.
"I'm okay." Dawn waves her sister's hand away from the bandage over her eye. Secretly she is thrilled at Buffy's concern. They haven't been very close lately and she's wondered if she'd even known she was still in the house, what with all of the Potentials running around. "I didn't want to wake you, but Willow called."
"Willow?" Buffy slips out from under the covers and grabs a brush from her dresser.
"Yeah. She said to tell you that she's coming home tonight...and..." Dawn trails off.
"And?" Buffy turns around to her sister expectantly, brushing her hair with harsh strokes.
"She's bringing Faith." Dawn does little to hide the displeasure at this part of her message. Picking up on it, Buffy puts the brush down and rounds the bed to sit next to her young sibling.
"I know how you feel, Dawnie. I'm not far behind ya, there. We do need her here, though. We're going to need all the help we can get with this thing." Buffy brushes a loose strand of hair behind Dawn's ear. She thinks back on how life was for her at that age and chastises herself for not being able to give some of that innocence to the young girl.
"I know." Dawn sighs and Buffy squeezes her shoulder. "It doesn't mean I have to like it." Buffy places her hand on her sister's knee and pats it.
"So...where is everyone, it's awfully quiet in this house for a Sunday morning." Buffy jumps up and goes over to her closet.
"Well, most of the girls are out back working with Kennedy. Xander is fixing the leaky disposal. It was getting a little smelly under the kitchen sink." She turns up her nose, though Buffy isn't looking. "Giles said he'd be over later on...he had something to take care of." Dawn notices the stiffness that appears in Buffy's body at the mention of his name.
"Ok." Buffy replies, her back still turned. "And...uh...Spike? Have you seen him?"
"As far as I know, he's still in the basement." She mutters.
Buffy turns to face her sister. "He's sorry, y'know. He was really worried about you."
Dawn shrugs. She's not angry with the blonde vampire, but since he came back with his soul he's been so distant. It could be because she'd threatened to light him on fire, but he knew she was only looking out for Buffy. She knows he'd never hurt Buffy now, not willingly. Except...
"Did the stone thingy work? Y'know...to get rid of Spike's trigger?" Buffy met the curiously hopeful eyes of her sister. She crossed over and sat beside her on the bed.
"Sorta. I mean...yeah, he's detriggered." Buffy is reluctant to go into the details of the previous night.
"Oh? Well...that's of the good, isn't it? I mean the First can't use Spike as it's bitch anymore, right?"
"Dawn!" Buffy's face is a mask of parental outrage.
"Hey, I'm just saying!" Dawn's giggling brings Buffy down off her high horse. It's been too long since she'd heard the teen's girlish laughter. Way too long. And even longer since Dawn had shown any friendly concern for Spike...particularly considering their last conversation on the subject.
Buffy rises from the bed and reaches over to close her bedroom door. She turns back to the brunette, he mouth open to speak.
"What's up Buffy? With the face of doom?"
"Oh...no-no...i-it's not the face of doom. No doom face here...it's just..." Dawn pulls her sister back to the bed.
"C'mon, Buffy, spill. It's been a while since we've had a heart-to-heart." Buffy's eyes meet Dawn's and there is a silent apology in them. Dawn nods and Buffy exhales deeply before jumping into what's weighing on her mind.
"Dawn...how do you...feel...about Spike?" Dawn's eyes widen a little, and then she searches the floor for the right words.
"I...Ok, I guess. I mean-" she twists the edge of the sheet between her hands. "I was scared...before. When he was so...out of control...so unpredictable." She is reluctant to let Buffy know just how uncomfortable she'd been having him in the house. When she'd learned he was killing again, albeit unwillingly, she'd starting sleeping with stakes under her pillow.
"Dawn, you know I would never have had him here if I thought he was a real threat." Buffy tries to meet her sister's eyes, but Dawn avoids them.
"I-I-I know, Buff. I know. It's just..." She falters and turns away a bit.
"What?" Buffy senses her apprehension.
"Spike was my friend. He cared for me. He cared for you too. And then he...he hurt you." She trails off.
"And you think he is going to hurt you too?" Dawn simply nods.
Buffy sighs and puts her arms around her sister's shoulders. She doesn't know how to explain the trust she has in Spike. It isn't as simple as soul or no-soul.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"I asked you before...the other day..."
"Yeah." Buffy knows what's coming next.
"Do you?" Dawn turns her face to her sister, her eyes confused.
Buffy doesn't answer right away. She isn't sure how to answer. Everyone keeps asking her the same question and she doesn't know how to answer it. Yes. She loves him. But how? And how much? To what extent? Is she-
"I love him too..." Dawn reads the thoughts in her sister's eyes. "...and I miss him. He's right here and I miss him. I think maybe...maybe he doesn't..." Tears form in her blue eyes. Buffy turns to face her sister and she takes her round face in her hands, stroking her cheeks with the pads of her thumbs.
"Oh he loves you, Dawn. I think he's feeling the same thing you are. He's afraid that, by hurting me last year, he's lost you forever." Dawn's eyes close and the tears slip. Buffy pulls her sister into her arms.
"Giles tried to kill Spike, didn't he?" Dawn's voice is so soft, Buffy has to strain to hear her, but she does. She pulls her sister back and looks into her face.
"Where did you hear that?" Buffy is shocked.
"From you." Dawn does nothing to mask her eavesdropping. "Last night. I know everyone thought I was out of it, but I wasn't. I heard you. You said Wood failed. You meant the principal, didn't you. I see how he looks at Spike. He hates him. A lot of people around here hate him. They want to see him dead just because he's a vamp or because they don't approve of you two."
Dawn's face takes on the maturity of someone twice her age. As she speaks, her voice doesn't falter. Buffy is taken aback at the powerful intelligence held in her sister's slim frame. She realizes that this is young woman before her, no longer a little girl. She is so overwhelmed by the sadness of that simple fact that a lump forms in the back of her throat as she fights back her own tears.
"They don't trust you, Buffy. They don't trust Spike. I don't like it. These people are strangers...strangers in our house. They come in here looking for protection and then they act like they own this place. Like they own you. I. Don't. Like. It." Anger has seeped into her voice, but she stares calmly at her sister.
"Dawn-" Buffy shares her sister's dislike with the situation, but she understands that everyone needs to stand unified if they are to succeed. "It...this...is an unbearable situation, but I promise it will get better soon. I promise. Trust me, ok?" Dawn nods. Her cheeks are flush, but she is calming down. "You watch my back, I'll watch yours...and we'll both watch Spike's, because he's watching ours. Deal?"
"Deal" Dawn offers a small smile.
"And Dawn?" The younger Summers sister looks up into Buffy's hazel eyes. "You need to tell Spike how you feel. Before..."
"Ok, Buffy. I will." Dawn hugs her sister and stands up to leave the room. When she reaches the door, she turns to face her again. "By the way, Buffy...that goes for you too." She smiles. Buffy smiles and nods. Dawn exits quietly into the hall, closing the door behind her.
---------
Spike is screaming. Not really, but in his dream he is screaming.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Buffy dies again. Again he is too late to save her. And Dawn's gone too this time, her tiny body broken like a fallen swallow, crushed under an invisible force. He is pinned in place while Angelus dances with the First who has taken the form of his beloved. His Buffy. Beside him, Willow places a hand on his shoulder.
You can only watch.
He weeps. He weeps for his girls. His Buffy and his Dawn. Angelus turns to him and grins, fangs dripping with the Slayer's blood as he waltzes with the First. The tears are never-ending. Willow is still talking to him.
I'm sorry I had to show you.
Something soft touches his cheek and his lips. Spike jerks awake and seizes whatever is in front of him. He is startled to find Buffy's forearms in his grasp and immediately loosens his grip.
"Buffy?" His voice is raspy from anguished sleep and he blinks to clear the remnants of his dream from his eyes. Buffy removes her arms from his hands and resumes wiping the tears from his face. She smiles sadly.
"You were calling my name."
Spike's response is to crush her to him. Confusing relationship-be-damned, he holds her to him and cradles her head in his hands. His fingers entangle themselves in her hair. She responds by pulling him closer to her. One hand splays across his back while the other lazily traces circles at the nape of his neck. He is breathing unnecessarily ragged breath, exhaling with her name on his lips.
Buffy leans back to look into his tear-filled eyes. "Bad dreams?" She gives him a tiny smile as she takes one hand and wipes more of the salty liquid from his face. He stares into her as if he's afraid she's going to disappear before his eyes.
"Ah, luv." He presses his forehead to hers and closes his eyes. She studies his mouth.
If I just lean in...and kiss him.
"I'm sorry." Spike whispers. "I 'ope I didn't give you too much of a fright, grabbin' you like that." He releases her head from his hands before she has a chance to act on her thought.
"S'ok" she whispers, wanting desperately to melt into his arms. Spike lays back down and brings the palms of his hands to his eyes.
"Wow...remind me never t' go to bed sober again." He laughs. Buffy chuckles a bit and gets up off the cot. Spike sits up and swings his legs over the edge, placing his feet on the floor. He is naked from the waist up, but has learned not to sleep nude in a house full of hormonal teenaged girls. He stands up and tightens the drawstring on his black sweatpants.
Buffy has her back to him and is folding laundry over the dryer. "Spike...I wanted to talk to you."
He pads over to her, stretching along the way, until he's standing a few feet behind. Knowing he's partially dressed, Buffy refuses to turn around. She feigns fascination in a particular pair of socks.
"S'up, Slayer?"
"It's about Dawn." She tosses the pair into the basket.
"She alright? Din't 'urt Niblet too much, did I?" Spike's voice shows more than a touch of concern.
"No. No...she's fine. It's...she misses you." Spike steps over to the Slayer and tries to catch her gaze. When she finally looks up, he smiles.
"Yeah? Well...I miss 'er too. Din't think she wanted to 'ave anythin' to do with me after....everything." His eyes are sad. Buffy smiles up at him, which catches him off guard. Their eyes lock. He finds himself suddenly lost in her gaze. Their bodies are drifting together as if pulled magnetically.
Buffy's eyes drift from his down to his mouth and back as she finds his eyes doing the same. Goosebumps erupt from her skin, a direct result from his proximity and the promise it brings. Both of them tilt their heads simultaneously as they move closer together centimeter by centimeter. Buffy instinctively darts her tongue across her lips to wet them. Spike's eyes catch the motion and are immediately clouded with the lust he's been holding back from her.
The items in Buffy's hands fall forgotten to the floor as she steps into him. Her hands shake as she reaches towards his chest. Spike can feel her breathe across his lips as his eyes drift close and he lowers his head. There is an electrical discharge just before their mouths fuse together.
Suddenly the basement disappears for them. Soft, warm arms encircle his waist. Fingers move deftly through her hair. Their tongues are battling for more...more contact...more of the delicious sensation that is each other. Spike slowly backs Buffy into the dryer as his hands move down her body. Her breath is ragged as the kiss deepens. All of the pent up passion that neither one of them had been aware existed in the other is pouring out.
His hands blaze icy trails across a sliver of exposed skin across her stomach. His thumbs graze the underside of her breasts through the thin cotton fabric of her shirt. Buffy gasps at the contact and deepens the kiss even more, subconsciously grinding her hips into his obvious arousal. A small moan escapes her mouth and travels to the back of his throat where it is answered in an echo of his own. Buffy raises her leg over his thigh and he sinks further into her body, overwhelmed by the heat he can feel through the denim of her jeans. He wraps his arms around her pulling her closer, one hand in the small of her back the other cupping the thigh of her raised leg. Buffy's hands travel the planes of his sculpted chest and she hooks one arm in anchor around his neck as she climbs his body.
"Buffy!"
They both freeze. Buffy's eyes pop open and she stares into Spike's darkened blue.
"Buffy...are you down there?" Dawn's voice travels down the stairs, through the basement and lands in between their bodies. Their mouths slowly separate, their eyes never leaving each other's.
"Y-yeah...I'm here Dawn." Buffy lowers herself from him as searches Spike's face for any indication that he doesn't think they were about to make a mistake. The way he ducks his head and moves away from her tells her the opposite.
"Can you help us with something in the kitchen?" Dawn calls back.
"Sure...I-I'll be right up." Buffy's eyes never leave Spike's retreating form. "Spike." He raises his hand.
"Don't." He turns back to face her, the look on his face confuses her. "It's...there's nothing to say, Buffy. Let's just take it as a sign and be thankful."
Thankful?
"Right." She gathers up the laundry and heads towards the stairs. Stopping at the bottom she turns to look at him. "Talk to Dawn, Spike. You both need each other."
Spike nods to her and their eyes lock again. Both note the look of longing in the other and both interpret it as loneliness instead of what it really is. But before anything more can be said or done, Buffy heads up the steps.
"Bugger." Spike says quietly. And then a slow smile creeps across his face as he runs his hands through his hair and moves to dress for the day.
-------------
He steps out of the makeshift shower and dries off, dressing quickly. He hears soft footsteps on the steps as he pulls a black t-shirt over his head.
"S-Spike?" Dawn tiptoes towards him. "Hey." She gives him a small smile.
"Hey nib." Spike smiles sheepishly. He backs up a step and sits on the cot, looking up at the young girl expectantly. Dawn shoves her hands in her pockets.
"Gotta sec?" She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. Spike nods and gestures towards the cot. She crosses over to him and sits.
"What's on yer mind?" He scoots over to give her a comfortable distance.
"Nothin'…just" Dawn blushes. "I just wanted you to know…that…I'm glad you're here…and I think it's great that you and Buffy are getting along again."
Spike smiles at the littlest Summers. "Yeah, me too platelet. But-" Dawn looks up expectantly.
"But? Aren't things better for you two?" He looks away to avoid showing her the pain in his eyes.
"Yeah, things are…going well. We're good friends now." Dawn cringes and she begin to laugh.
"Good friends? You two? C'mon." Her laughter is cut short when she notices Spike avoiding her eyes. "Spike…you guys…what you have, it's real. I can see it. God, everyone can!"
"There is a…connection, niblet, but not the one you think. Listen, I don' think you came down 'ere to talk about big sis…did you?"
"Nah." She smiles and ducks her eyes. "I just wanted…to…I just-"
Spike reaches over and tugs Dawn towards him. He wraps his arms around her waist and rests his chin on her head. She closes her eyes and places her head on his chest. His voice is very quiet when he speaks. "Nib, I know you have every right to hate me, but I want you to know I'm sorry for what happened. I'd never hurt you or Buffy…not if I can help it."
Dawn is pleasantly surprised at the new and improved affectionate Spike. She remembers a time when being so close to him would have added fuel to the schoolgirl crush she once had. Now it's the comfort of a big brother that she finds in his embrace.
"I know you'd never try to hurt us, Spike. I trust you." She pulls back and looks up at him, giving him her patented smile. He returns it warmly and kisses her forehead over the bandage where he'd inadvertently harmed her. If she could see his eyes, she would see the hurt in them from the knowledge that he'd hurt her. Dawn removes herself from him and gets up from the cot.
"Oi-" he feigns offense. "Is that it?" Dawn smiles brightly as she bounces back over to him and kisses him on the cheek.
"Love you." She winks and skips up the steps.
Spike smirks to himself. That's the first bit of the old Dawn he's seen in months.
Poor girl's had to see way too much for someone her age. She's all grown up now.
------------
That night's patrols are divided up. Kennedy and Giles have taken some of the less experienced Potentials. Buffy avoids him, though she knows eventually they will talk. She just isn't ready for it yet. Buffy takes Spike, they walk along in uncomfortable silence. Once they hit the cemeteries, they decide to split up and meet later.
Nothing goes bump in the night so Buffy is distracted from the quiet patrol. Her thoughts keep traveling back to that afternoon in Spike's basement. There was definitely something there…she saw it. Felt it. Tasted it.
He wanted me as much as I wanted him. So what is holding him back? I know he feels more than he's saying.
She is walking along trying to recall each moment of that scene when she hears a familiar sound.
"Bloody 'ell...we're on the same side!" Spike's voice carries over the large marble obelisk separating her from him. As she rounds the corner she sees him squaring off with Faith.
Ah. She thinks to herself. The bitch is back.
TBC
OK I know this was a long, involved chapter but I really want to finish this season. I've already begun my Season 8, and I am excited to move on. Thanks to everyone for your feedback and your encouragement. The rest of this series will play out by the end of the May. Til next time!