Title: The Bed's Too Big Without You
Chapter 21 of Don't Stop the Dance)

You asked for it, you got it: Spuffy lovin'! This is my first ever love

scene, so "forgive me if I act a little strange for I know not what I

do."

Author: Xionin

Rating: R

Pairing: Buffy/Spike.

Feedback: Pretty please! I'm addicted.

Lia: Your wish is my command. Look for a sweet D/S scene in the next chapter.
Wolf116: I honestly can't figure out how Buffy could sit through that speech and
not throw herself into his arms once and for all. ;]
Albie: Yes, a little oversight on my part. I wasn't sure if Faith had been around then or not,
but I just loved the idea of her hearing it from Spike. Tee hee!

Disclaimer: Joss gave me free reign to write as much fan fiction as I
want. Really. He did. It's in an interview somewhere. Just in case,
though. ME, FOX, Joss Whedon, blah blah blah...

Merci!: Miss Kitty the Supercalafragilistic-beta!

The Bed's Too Big Without You

Cor, she is so fucking beautiful. Spike thinks to himself.

To him she looks better than anyone in the middle of an apocalypse has
a right to. And that she seems so suddenly open and so vulnerable makes
her more beautiful still. Her green eyes sparkle with unshed tears. Her
cheeks are flush with pent up emotion. Her lips, glistening, so utterly kissable that...

He takes the two steps separating them and claims her mouth.

A tiny voice in the back of his head asks him who the hell he thinks
he is. But then Buffy begins kissing him back, and he tells that voice to
sod off. He wraps his arms around her small frame, feeling the heat of her soft body
through the roughness of the terrycloth.

Spike can't remember a time when he's felt more desire.

Desire to live.
Desire to please.
Desire to...just desire.

Only one woman has ever made him feel like he'd been set aflame and she is in
his arms right now threatening to consume him again.

Just a moment ago he had been completely coherent, intent on saying his

peace and standing by her with no regrets. No delusions that she could ever

love him back.

Now he is devouring her as surely as she is devouring him and it has
him mindless with pure need. His fingers slide up and loosen the silken
strands of her blond hair even as he slants his mouth over hers,
changing directions as if no one direction allows him to get close enough;
deep enough. She tastes of strawberries and warmth and is hotter than
fire. Hotter than the sun he vaguely remembers from his youth.

Buffy's head is buzzing with a thousand memories. The first time she'd
seen him, all spit and swagger. The first time he'd touched her and the
fear she'd felt. The first time that he'd touched her and she realized
she was no longer afraid. The time he comforted her during her mother's
illness. The moment he first said "I love you." The way he looked at
her, all bruised and battered from Glory, when she'd first kissed him.
The way he looked at her coming down the steps when he realized she was
alive. The concern on his face when she'd told him that she had been in
Heaven. The way he managed to smile only for her and just when she'd
needed it. Their first kiss after Sweet was sent back to Hell. The relief
in his eyes when she'd come to get him out of the caves a few weeks
ago. The memories of his constant love for her are flooding her.

My God! I'm drowning...I'm...

Buffy breaks the kiss, inhaling deeply. She slowly releases herself 
and backs up a few steps. There's a sound of a protest from him in
the form of a sharp breath, but she squeezes her eyes shut, turns and walks further
into the house to the main bedroom. Spike follows her, glancing quickly
over to the second bedroom where Dawn lays sleeping. Once inside with Buffy,
he closes the door behind him and waits.

Buffy can feel him staring at her. He can hear her heart pounding in his head.
She turns back to him as her tongue darts out to moisten her swollen lips.
She thrusts her hand out and he stares at her fingers as if they belong to someone else.
Spike squints at her as he slowly steps closer. He hears her swallow thickly before she gives him a
half-smile.

"Another time...another place...maybe-" she says softly.

Maybe, hell. He thinks to himself. They need each other now. Everythin' and everyone else be damned!

Buffy gasps as Spike uses their joined hands to bring her closer to him.
She is barely aware of breathing as he releases her fingers and takes her
face in his hands.

"What do you want Buffy," his voice is a caress against her cheek, in
her ear.

God if you only knew, Spike. You! All of you Spike. I want- I...

"Buffy-" Spike is desperate to maintain control in his voice. He can feel her want.
Her need. It equals the intensity of his own. He doesn't know where he'll go if she rejects him.
He thinks he might just walk out into the sun. "What. Do. You. Want?"

Her heart still hammering in her chest from the kisses and the question,
Buffy closes her eyes slowly and decides to let go once and for all.

"You."

Spike pulls back to look at her; to make sure she understands what she's saying.
Seeing his hesitation, Buffy steps into him and gently places her lips atop his,
kissing him in a way that leaves no doubt of her intent. A tiny voice is telling her
that there is no time for this. That it is wrong, even though it feels right. He doesn't
love her this way. He wants her, yes, but it's not love. Not anymore.


But even as her conscience whispers into her inner ear, the feeling of having him so
near again overwhelms her, silencing the voice with another one that whispers...

But I love him.

Never, ever has Buffy wanted anyone like she wants Spike right now. She
slides her hands up his torso and under the collar of the duster,
spilling it to the floor with a satisfying thud. Her right hand rests on his
firm chest as the other fingers the nape of his neck pulling down
closer. When Buffy captures his bottom lip, playfully tugging and biting,
Spike groans with hunger and deepens the kiss as he gently places his
hands on her waist.

He can smell her arousal and feel her heat. His head is
spinning, he wants her so badly. Soon, one hand slides down to the damp skin of her bare
bottom and the other to the small of her back as he pulls her against the
evidence of his arousal.

Hungry mouths kiss and pull and suck; hands seek and knead and squeeze.
Before either knows it, Spike is pulled out of his clothes even as they
drift towards the borrowed bed. He fists the fabric of the towel around
her and removes it with little effort, audibly gasping at the sight of her.

So bloody beautiful.

As Buffy reaches down to pull back the sheets, Spike catches her hand.
"Are you sure, luv?" His voice is raspy with longing.

The look she gives him sends a shiver of pleasure down his spine. The
air between them is so incredibly hot that he is surprised he doesn't
spontaneously combust on the spot. Together they sink onto the mattress as
Buffy's thighs land on either side of Spike's leg. Something inside
both of them breaks and their mouths come crashing together again and
again, leaving each of them panting as he rolls on top of her.

As his lips touch hers, another shock of electricity passes through him.
He gently circles her tongue with his and they dance playfully. Breaking away from her mouth,
his tongue moves down the side of her neck. Kissing and licking, he buries his face in the
curve of her shoulder at her pulse point. Buffy pulls him closer, her
fingers kneading the cool flesh of his buttocks.

"Buffy...God..." Spike's kisses trail down over the tops of her breasts.
He finds one rosy peak and quickly flicks it with his tongue before taking it into his mouth.
He repeats the action with its twin within moments. The moan it elicits and the arch
of her back makes him feel like he could single-handedly defeat the First. He can feel the
evidence of her need scorching him where it rests against his thigh.

Buffy moans loudly, heedless to the fact that her sister is sleeping in
the other room. Spike is licking and sucking any area of skin he can
find and his undulations atop her have her spinning out of control; the
hard muscles of his thigh between her legs unknowingly driving her
towards the edge.

"Spike..." She is pleading and he pulls his head up and looks into her
eyes. Both of them stop their movements. He is looking at her with that
look again; that look of awe. The one that says you are my whole world.
She cannot remember the last time he looked at her this way. Even
though his eyes are still always filled with love, he'd been hiding this one.
It had been replaced by something else: Longing. Patience. Sometimes resignation.

Before, he was always waiting: For her. For them.

They stare at one another for a long time before he slowly lowers his head to hers and
kisses her. This kiss simmers as it grows hungry and demanding. Suddenly every
molecule of air exits Buffy's lungs as Spike fits himself between her legs and
slowly enters her, filling her not only physically but permeating every cell
of her body, her mind, her soul, her heart.

She clutches at him, her hands pressed firmly against the hard flesh of his back.
Opening her eyes, she looks up into the endless sky of his blue eyes and wonders
how she ever let him go. How she would ever be able to let him go again.

Buffy can barely register how incredibly good he feels within her.
Can't even begin to fathom what he is thinking.
She can concentrate on little more than the storm swirling inside her.
The tidal wave of feelings she'd denied and beaten back so often and for so long that
it scares her to think that they're free to roam around in her wounded heart.

They move in unison, each knowing the other's rhythm so well. Perfectly
in tune. Spike moans at the feel of her surrounding him, hot and wet
and softer than soft; her muscles milking him, coaxing him towards his
release. Her little mewling noises are sending him rapidly towards the edge.
She is engulfing him and he doesn't know where he ends and she begins.

"Oh God...Spike...need you..." Buffy's breathing is labored
as he drives into her, their speed ever increasing. Her hands roam all
over his back, one slipping between them to tease his nipple, which
elicits a gasp or three.

"Cor..pet...oh...God Buffy...oh...so sweet" His voice is rough with
hunger, but it is honey in her ear and it sets off a small earthquake in her very core.
Buffy wraps her legs higher around his back, allowing them to reach a new angle.
Both exhale a low moan, singing their ecstasy in unison.

Moving at a frenzied rhythm, they ascend together and when they near the crest,
his hands travel up her arms and their fingers lock into each other along with their eyes.
They hold on for dear life as, at last, the wave crashes over them. Their mouths come together
greedily as the orgasms roll over them again and again, threatening never to release them.

The kisses become slow and soft as they both come down, still buzzing
in the aftershocks. Spike disentangles their hands and brings his
down to her face, smoothing back her hair. Her eyes are closed and tears
escape from the corners only to fall to the pillow below. He rests his forehead
on hers.

"Buffy..." His breath is cool against her neck.

I've loved you for so long. I'll love you forever. Always.


He buries his face in her hair and quietly joins her in weeping.

I love you, my William; My Spike. All of you. Always. If only you knew...

But neither knows. They cannot hear each other; they're too wrapped up in needless sorrow.
Spike rolls them over to the side and cradles her into the curve of his body, and neither
speaks a word.

Both are too overwhelmed with unspoken confessions.
Both feel, for the first time really, that this is how this was meant to be.

But he says nothing.
And she says nothing.

They just hold on to each other for what they both believe is the last time.
Neither wanting to face the night when the other wouldn't be there.
When their hearts would once again be broken and the bed would feel just...too big.

TBC Chapter 21: Hole in My Life