(DANTE and RANDAL sit behind the counter. RANDAL reads the paper)
RANDAL: You know that we went about this war thing all wrong.
DANTE: Did we?
RANDAL: Yeah. Sending in the troops was a bad move. That's just what they were expecting.
DANTE: Is it?
RANDAL: Of course. Saddam was prepared for a war. He was prepared for troops to come in and for bombs to be dropped.
DANTE: Okay then, what should we have done?
RANDAL: Sent in hot chicks in tight T-shirts.
DANTE: Hot chicks in tight T-shirts?
RANDAL: Yes. Don't you see, it's the last thing they'd be expecting. Not only would it be a complete surprise, since they're expecting guys in combat boots, but it would stop any opposition dead in their tracks. Of course, we'd have to keep the element of surprise.
DANTE: The element of surprise, huh? (Beat) I know I'm going to regret this, but what exactly is the element of surprise?
RANDAL: They're all hermaphrodites.
DANTE: Why?
RANDAL: Well what would be more surprising? You think these people would just stop at looking? Hell no. I don't care what government or religion you follow, you see a hot chick in a tight T-shirt walking toward you, you're gonna go for the goods. Then, when they start feeling her up, they get the surprise.
DANTE: I don't know. I don't care if you are a terrorist, no man deserves to be feeling up a beautiful woman and find a dick.
RANDAL: Yeah, I guess you're right. That would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
DANTE: Not to mention your close encounters of the third kind.
RANDAL: You know that we went about this war thing all wrong.
DANTE: Did we?
RANDAL: Yeah. Sending in the troops was a bad move. That's just what they were expecting.
DANTE: Is it?
RANDAL: Of course. Saddam was prepared for a war. He was prepared for troops to come in and for bombs to be dropped.
DANTE: Okay then, what should we have done?
RANDAL: Sent in hot chicks in tight T-shirts.
DANTE: Hot chicks in tight T-shirts?
RANDAL: Yes. Don't you see, it's the last thing they'd be expecting. Not only would it be a complete surprise, since they're expecting guys in combat boots, but it would stop any opposition dead in their tracks. Of course, we'd have to keep the element of surprise.
DANTE: The element of surprise, huh? (Beat) I know I'm going to regret this, but what exactly is the element of surprise?
RANDAL: They're all hermaphrodites.
DANTE: Why?
RANDAL: Well what would be more surprising? You think these people would just stop at looking? Hell no. I don't care what government or religion you follow, you see a hot chick in a tight T-shirt walking toward you, you're gonna go for the goods. Then, when they start feeling her up, they get the surprise.
DANTE: I don't know. I don't care if you are a terrorist, no man deserves to be feeling up a beautiful woman and find a dick.
RANDAL: Yeah, I guess you're right. That would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
DANTE: Not to mention your close encounters of the third kind.