(Outside the convenience store. JAY and SILENT BOB walk to their post)
JAY: Yo, yo, yo! Come and get your weed! We got weed, smack, crack, coke and lots of other good shit! (Pause) Fuck, lunchbox, it's getting harder and harder to make a living. People are fucking bailing on us with the failing economy.
(SILENT BOB nods)
JAY: Man, those fucking terrorists are killing us. You know, this war shit ain't gonna do us any good. If we wanna stop these motherfuckers we gots to stop dropping bombs and start droppin' dope. Get those motherfuckers so high they won't know which way is up. And you know what, Silent Bob, that shit'll calm 'em down. I've never seen anybody on that shit who wants to blow anything up.
(SILENT BOB shakes his head "no")
JAY: What the fuck you mean, "no"? That's a perfect fucking plan.
(SILENT BOB pantomimes smoking a hashish pipe)
JAY: Yeah, we get them to do that shit. A few hits off a bong and they won't hates us no more. Hell, we could really grab 'em by the balls if we cut off their munchies supply. Grab up all the ring dings and twinkies going into the country. Then we make 'em give us their weapons in exchange for the food. That's fucking brilliance.
(SILENT BOB attempts pantomime that they are a hashish-smoking culture)
JAY: Yeah, you tubby bitch, I know! We smoke 'em out by letting them smoke themselves.
(SILENT BOB gives up and whispers into JAY's ear)
JAY: What the fuck do you mean they're a hashish-smoking culture? What the fuck does that mean?
(SILENT BOB once again pantomimes smoking from a hashish pipe)
JAY: So they already rockin' the ganj?
(SILENT BOB nods)
JAY: Well ain't that some shit. Then those motherfuckers are messed up, man. I ain't never seen nobody who smokes weed and is still violent. Those motherfuckers must be really out of it.
(SILENT BOB shrugs "maybe")
JAY: Yeah. So, you know what we gots to do? We goes to plan B. Forget the fucking army, man. We send in that Rambo motherfucker. He's a bad ass, yo. We send him in and "bam!" "pow!" "ka-boom!" he wipes out those terrorist assholes. Silent and swift like. Maybe even strangles a few of them with those towels they wear on their heads.
(SILENT BOB nods in agreement)
JAY: Yeah, tons of fun. That's what we gotta do. Fuck this diplomacy shit! They don't give us no special treatment we don't give them none. And the rest of the world? Fuck 'em! We out for blood! They fucking bombed New York, yo! Greatest place in the world next to Jersey! Fuck what the rest of the world thinks! They fucked with us and we're gonna give 'em an ass- whopping they'll never forget! Know what I'm saying?
(SILENT BOB nods)
JAY: Yeah, I bet you do. Tear off those fuckers' heads and rip out their motherfucking souls! I'm gonna stop selling weed until this thing's cleared up. I'm gonna make sure justice's served. Nothing's gonna stop me, man! I'm not gonna fucking rest until the job is done! Nothing, but nothing's gonna distract me!
(A TEEN walks up)
TEEN: Hey, you selling anything?
JAY: (forgetting everything he just said) Yeah, yo! What you want?
(SILENT BOB shakes his head in dismay while JAY sells smoke to the TEEN)
JAY: Yo, yo, yo! Come and get your weed! We got weed, smack, crack, coke and lots of other good shit! (Pause) Fuck, lunchbox, it's getting harder and harder to make a living. People are fucking bailing on us with the failing economy.
(SILENT BOB nods)
JAY: Man, those fucking terrorists are killing us. You know, this war shit ain't gonna do us any good. If we wanna stop these motherfuckers we gots to stop dropping bombs and start droppin' dope. Get those motherfuckers so high they won't know which way is up. And you know what, Silent Bob, that shit'll calm 'em down. I've never seen anybody on that shit who wants to blow anything up.
(SILENT BOB shakes his head "no")
JAY: What the fuck you mean, "no"? That's a perfect fucking plan.
(SILENT BOB pantomimes smoking a hashish pipe)
JAY: Yeah, we get them to do that shit. A few hits off a bong and they won't hates us no more. Hell, we could really grab 'em by the balls if we cut off their munchies supply. Grab up all the ring dings and twinkies going into the country. Then we make 'em give us their weapons in exchange for the food. That's fucking brilliance.
(SILENT BOB attempts pantomime that they are a hashish-smoking culture)
JAY: Yeah, you tubby bitch, I know! We smoke 'em out by letting them smoke themselves.
(SILENT BOB gives up and whispers into JAY's ear)
JAY: What the fuck do you mean they're a hashish-smoking culture? What the fuck does that mean?
(SILENT BOB once again pantomimes smoking from a hashish pipe)
JAY: So they already rockin' the ganj?
(SILENT BOB nods)
JAY: Well ain't that some shit. Then those motherfuckers are messed up, man. I ain't never seen nobody who smokes weed and is still violent. Those motherfuckers must be really out of it.
(SILENT BOB shrugs "maybe")
JAY: Yeah. So, you know what we gots to do? We goes to plan B. Forget the fucking army, man. We send in that Rambo motherfucker. He's a bad ass, yo. We send him in and "bam!" "pow!" "ka-boom!" he wipes out those terrorist assholes. Silent and swift like. Maybe even strangles a few of them with those towels they wear on their heads.
(SILENT BOB nods in agreement)
JAY: Yeah, tons of fun. That's what we gotta do. Fuck this diplomacy shit! They don't give us no special treatment we don't give them none. And the rest of the world? Fuck 'em! We out for blood! They fucking bombed New York, yo! Greatest place in the world next to Jersey! Fuck what the rest of the world thinks! They fucked with us and we're gonna give 'em an ass- whopping they'll never forget! Know what I'm saying?
(SILENT BOB nods)
JAY: Yeah, I bet you do. Tear off those fuckers' heads and rip out their motherfucking souls! I'm gonna stop selling weed until this thing's cleared up. I'm gonna make sure justice's served. Nothing's gonna stop me, man! I'm not gonna fucking rest until the job is done! Nothing, but nothing's gonna distract me!
(A TEEN walks up)
TEEN: Hey, you selling anything?
JAY: (forgetting everything he just said) Yeah, yo! What you want?
(SILENT BOB shakes his head in dismay while JAY sells smoke to the TEEN)