Back in Bayville, Xavier was very concerned. The X-Men had not yet returned
from their battle with Magneto, and all of the new mutants had just
vanished as well. He reached out with his mind and tried to find Scott and
the others. After many minutes, he finally located Scott's signature and
began trying to contact him.
X
Scott and the knights were skipping through yet another field in England, having left Camelot behind the day before. Scott felt confused and uncertain, and he didn't really know what they were supposed to be doing in this strange dimension.
"I wish somebody would tell me what the point of all this is," he muttered to himself.
No sooner had he spoken those words than there was a clap of thunder from above. Scott looked up to see a large cloud appearing overhead. A loud voice spoke from within the clouds.
"Arthur, Arthur!" called the voice.
Scott recognized the voice as Xavier's. "Professor!" he shouted back, then turned to Kurt. "Kurt, it's the Professor! He's trying to contact us!"
As Scott turned to Kurt, he saw Bedevire, Lancelot, and Robin kneeling on the ground.
"What are you doing?" he asked them.
"Quickly sire, kneel down!" said Lancelot. "That's the voice of God!"
"Yeah, get down quick!" said Robin. "You wouldn't want him to see you like this and smite you, would you?" he asked.
Scott and Kurt knelt down uncertainly and waited for something to happen. A few moments later, Xavier's head materialized in the clouds and a heavenly choir of angels began to sing.
"Arthur! Arthur! King of the Britons!" said Xavier's head, then looked down and saw Scott and the other knights on their knees.
"Oh, don't grovel!" he said, and the angels immediately stopped singing. "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling,"
"Sorry," said Scott.
"And don't apologize!" Xavier thundered. "Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'Sorry' this and 'Forgive me' that and 'I'm not worthy'. What are you doing now?"
"I'm averting my eyes, lord," Scott said.
"Well don't!" Xavier said. "It's like those miserable psalms. They're so depressing! Now knock it off!"
"Yes, lord!"
"Right!" said Xavier. "Arthur, King of the Britons, your knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times,"
"Good idea, lord!" Scott said sycophantically. Maybe he'll tell us how we can get home!, he thought.
"Of course it's a good idea! Behold!" said Xavier, and the angels began singing again as an image of a chalice appeared in the clouds next to Xavier's head.
"Arthur, this is the Holy Grail. Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. This is your purpose, Arthur, the Quest for the Holy Grail!"
With that, Xavier's visage faded away, leaving only the cloud in the sky.
"A blessing! A blessing from the lord!" said Lancelot.
"God be praised!" said Bedevire.
"What was that all about?" asked Kurt.
Bedevire, Robin, and Lancelot looked at Kurt like he had just sprouted wings. Scott pulled him aside.
"I don't know if that was the Professor trying to contact us or not, but I've read about this Grail. It's supposed to have the power to grant wishes,"
"So if we find it, we can use it to wish ourselves out of this wretched dimension!" Kurt said.
"Exactly. And actually, you're the one who's supposed to find it. Well, Galahad is, anyway,"
"Really? Cool!" said Kurt.
"Yeah, but you sort of die right afterwards," Scott said.
"What?" Kurt asked incredulously. "Hang on, I don't want to die! You find it!"
"Hey, relax!" said Scott. "We'll just make sure to use our wish before you get killed by whatever happens to you,"
"This better work," said Kurt. "If I wind up dead, I'll never forgive you,"
"Don't worry, you'll be fine," Scott reassured him. "Now, we need to get some more companions, and then we can be off,"
X
Xavier broke his contact with Scott as he realized where the X-Men were, and who was responsible for them being there. "Good god!" he shouted, and headed for his limo. He needed to get to Magneto right away to try and stop this madness.
X
Before they started their quest, Scott and the knights returned to Camelot to get supplies and additional squires. After enduring a bit more silly singing and dancing, they set off on their quest with their additional companions and equipment. Now, every knight had their own squire. Kurt's bore a resemblance to Ray, Bedevire's looked considerably like Amara, and Logan's squire looked quite a bit like Roberto. Meanwhile, Robin had found 5 young boys at the castle, all identical quintuplets, named James, Percy, Oliver, Tyler, and Winston. The boys were all skilled musicians, and Robin, who loved hearing people sing his praises, couldn't resist them. Now the party galloped across the countryside with a purpose, intent on finding the Holy Grail. As they rode, a majestic march resounded through the skies overhead.
Soon, they approached a castle. The march swelled to a grand crescendo and then abruptly stopped as Patsy pulled out a bugle and blew a muffled call on it. For a moment, nothing happened, and then Scott saw a man appear on the castle walls.
"Allo? Who ees eet?" the man asked in a very thick accent.
"It is Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table!" Scott called back. "Whose. wait, Pietro?" he asked, suddenly recognizing the man on the wall. "How did YOU get here?"
"There ees no 'Pietro' here! This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard!"
Great, thought Scott. Now the Brotherhood was mixed up in this. "Well, go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest! If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail!"
"Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen-a. Uh, he's already got one, you see?"
"What?" asked Scott.
"He says he's already got one!" said Kurt.
"Are you sure he's got one?" Scott asked.
"Oh yes, it's very nice-a!" said Pietro, then he leaned over and whispered to another guard next to him. "I told him we've already got one!" Both men began laughing.
"Well, can we come up and have a look?" asked Scott.
"Of course not!" said Pietro. "You are Eenglish types-a!"
"Well what are you supposed to be, then?" asked Scott.
"I'm French! Why do you think I have this out-RAGE-ous accent, you seely king-a?" Pietro called back.
"What are you doing in England?" asked Lancelot.
"Mind your own business!" Pietro snapped back.
Scott was growing impatient. "If you will not show us the Grail, we will take this castle by force!"
"You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!" Pietro shouted. "Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur' king-a, you and all your silly English kaahhhh-nigg-etts!" He stuck out his tongue and began blowing raspberries at them, and clapped his hands on top of his hemlet.
"He's even weirder in this dimension than he is back in ours," Kurt said.
"No kidding," said Scott, and turned back to Pietro. "Now look here, my good man," he tried again.
"I don't wanna talk to you no more-a, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!" Pietro shouted, continuing his withering taunts. "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"Is there someone else up there we could talk to?" asked Kurt.
"No! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!" Pietro said.
"This is your last chance!" Scott threatened. "I've been more than reasonable!"
Pietro ignored Scott and turned to his companion, and begin whispering to him in French. The guard nodded and ran inside the castle. A few minutes later, he returned, leading a cow behind him. The two guards loaded the cow into a catapult and launched it into the air.
"If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall, Jesus Christ!" Scott began to say, then panicked as the cow flew through the air towards them.
"Run away!" Scott shouted, and the knights retreated to safety. The cow landed a few feet behind them as the knights dove behind a small hill.
"Right! Charge!" Scott shouted, drawing his sword. The other knights drew their swords and charged towards the castle. Lancelot led the charge, claws flashing in the sunlight.
Undaunted, the French guards began pelting the charging knights with everything they could grab: eggs, chickens, very small rocks, cherries, and all other kinds of debris. Scott covered his head as a pot-full of dirty water cascaded down on him. He and the knights were overwhelmed.
"Run away!" he called and ran for safety.
"Run away! Run away!" shouted the other knights as they followed after him. Lancelot actually made it to the castle and slashed at the walls once with his claws before he was forced to retreat.
Scott and the knights knelt behind the hill again as the French guards laughed at them from the castle.
"Fiends! I'll tear them apart!" Lancelot shouted, standing up to charge again.
"No, no, wait!" Scott said, grabbing his arm.
"Sir, I have a plan, sir," said Bedevire, with a cunning look on her face. The other knights huddled around her as she told them about her plan.
X
Pietro leaned over the castle wall to see where Scott and the rest of the knights were, but he saw no trace of them.
Ha! We taught those daffy ka-niggets a thing or two, he thought to himself. Then he heard strange noises coming the forest. He cocked his head and listened closer, and he could make out sawing, hammering, and other sounds of something big being built. Then he heard a faint rumble that grew louder and louder as it got closer. Something big was coming this way. He grew worried, thinking that the knights might have something up their sleeves, and gasped and dove out of sight as he saw something emerge from the forest. Nothing happened for a few minutes, so he looked up and saw a large wooden rabbit sitting at the front gate of the castle. He looked at it for a minute, expecting something to happen, but nothing did. He called to one of the other guards to have a look, and then they went down to the gate, opened the gate, and drug the rabbit inside the castle.
Scott and the knights watched this from their hiding place.
"Hah! They fell for it!" said Kurt.
"What happens now?" Scott asked Bedevire.
Bedevire raised the hinged visor on her helmet. "Well, now we wait until nightfall," she said, "And then Lancelot, Galahad and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, taking the French completely by surprise. And not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!"
"Uh, who leaps out?" Scott asked, sensing a flaw in this plan.
"Um, Lancelot, Galahad, and, er I, uh, we, leap out, of, uh, the rabbit." Bedevire said, realizing her mistake.
Scott groaned and rolled his eyes. Kurt buried his head in his hands and began sobbing. They would never find the Grail at this rate.
"Um, look, perhaps if we built a giant wooden badger," Bedevire said.
"Oh, shut up!" said Scott, and smacked Bedevire on the back of her helmet, knocking her visor back down over her face.
Suddenly there was a loud TWONG!!! Scott and the knights looked up to see the wooden rabbit hurtling towards them like a meteor.
"Run away!" Scott screamed.
"Run away! Run away! Run away!" shouted the knights and scattered for cover. Patsy stood motionless, petrified by fear, and screamed as the rabbit crashed down on him, crushing him like an ant.
Scott and the other knights fled from the castle as fast as they could, the laughing taunts of the French guards ringing in their ears.
X
X
Scott and the knights were skipping through yet another field in England, having left Camelot behind the day before. Scott felt confused and uncertain, and he didn't really know what they were supposed to be doing in this strange dimension.
"I wish somebody would tell me what the point of all this is," he muttered to himself.
No sooner had he spoken those words than there was a clap of thunder from above. Scott looked up to see a large cloud appearing overhead. A loud voice spoke from within the clouds.
"Arthur, Arthur!" called the voice.
Scott recognized the voice as Xavier's. "Professor!" he shouted back, then turned to Kurt. "Kurt, it's the Professor! He's trying to contact us!"
As Scott turned to Kurt, he saw Bedevire, Lancelot, and Robin kneeling on the ground.
"What are you doing?" he asked them.
"Quickly sire, kneel down!" said Lancelot. "That's the voice of God!"
"Yeah, get down quick!" said Robin. "You wouldn't want him to see you like this and smite you, would you?" he asked.
Scott and Kurt knelt down uncertainly and waited for something to happen. A few moments later, Xavier's head materialized in the clouds and a heavenly choir of angels began to sing.
"Arthur! Arthur! King of the Britons!" said Xavier's head, then looked down and saw Scott and the other knights on their knees.
"Oh, don't grovel!" he said, and the angels immediately stopped singing. "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling,"
"Sorry," said Scott.
"And don't apologize!" Xavier thundered. "Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'Sorry' this and 'Forgive me' that and 'I'm not worthy'. What are you doing now?"
"I'm averting my eyes, lord," Scott said.
"Well don't!" Xavier said. "It's like those miserable psalms. They're so depressing! Now knock it off!"
"Yes, lord!"
"Right!" said Xavier. "Arthur, King of the Britons, your knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times,"
"Good idea, lord!" Scott said sycophantically. Maybe he'll tell us how we can get home!, he thought.
"Of course it's a good idea! Behold!" said Xavier, and the angels began singing again as an image of a chalice appeared in the clouds next to Xavier's head.
"Arthur, this is the Holy Grail. Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. This is your purpose, Arthur, the Quest for the Holy Grail!"
With that, Xavier's visage faded away, leaving only the cloud in the sky.
"A blessing! A blessing from the lord!" said Lancelot.
"God be praised!" said Bedevire.
"What was that all about?" asked Kurt.
Bedevire, Robin, and Lancelot looked at Kurt like he had just sprouted wings. Scott pulled him aside.
"I don't know if that was the Professor trying to contact us or not, but I've read about this Grail. It's supposed to have the power to grant wishes,"
"So if we find it, we can use it to wish ourselves out of this wretched dimension!" Kurt said.
"Exactly. And actually, you're the one who's supposed to find it. Well, Galahad is, anyway,"
"Really? Cool!" said Kurt.
"Yeah, but you sort of die right afterwards," Scott said.
"What?" Kurt asked incredulously. "Hang on, I don't want to die! You find it!"
"Hey, relax!" said Scott. "We'll just make sure to use our wish before you get killed by whatever happens to you,"
"This better work," said Kurt. "If I wind up dead, I'll never forgive you,"
"Don't worry, you'll be fine," Scott reassured him. "Now, we need to get some more companions, and then we can be off,"
X
Xavier broke his contact with Scott as he realized where the X-Men were, and who was responsible for them being there. "Good god!" he shouted, and headed for his limo. He needed to get to Magneto right away to try and stop this madness.
X
Before they started their quest, Scott and the knights returned to Camelot to get supplies and additional squires. After enduring a bit more silly singing and dancing, they set off on their quest with their additional companions and equipment. Now, every knight had their own squire. Kurt's bore a resemblance to Ray, Bedevire's looked considerably like Amara, and Logan's squire looked quite a bit like Roberto. Meanwhile, Robin had found 5 young boys at the castle, all identical quintuplets, named James, Percy, Oliver, Tyler, and Winston. The boys were all skilled musicians, and Robin, who loved hearing people sing his praises, couldn't resist them. Now the party galloped across the countryside with a purpose, intent on finding the Holy Grail. As they rode, a majestic march resounded through the skies overhead.
Soon, they approached a castle. The march swelled to a grand crescendo and then abruptly stopped as Patsy pulled out a bugle and blew a muffled call on it. For a moment, nothing happened, and then Scott saw a man appear on the castle walls.
"Allo? Who ees eet?" the man asked in a very thick accent.
"It is Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table!" Scott called back. "Whose. wait, Pietro?" he asked, suddenly recognizing the man on the wall. "How did YOU get here?"
"There ees no 'Pietro' here! This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard!"
Great, thought Scott. Now the Brotherhood was mixed up in this. "Well, go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest! If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail!"
"Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen-a. Uh, he's already got one, you see?"
"What?" asked Scott.
"He says he's already got one!" said Kurt.
"Are you sure he's got one?" Scott asked.
"Oh yes, it's very nice-a!" said Pietro, then he leaned over and whispered to another guard next to him. "I told him we've already got one!" Both men began laughing.
"Well, can we come up and have a look?" asked Scott.
"Of course not!" said Pietro. "You are Eenglish types-a!"
"Well what are you supposed to be, then?" asked Scott.
"I'm French! Why do you think I have this out-RAGE-ous accent, you seely king-a?" Pietro called back.
"What are you doing in England?" asked Lancelot.
"Mind your own business!" Pietro snapped back.
Scott was growing impatient. "If you will not show us the Grail, we will take this castle by force!"
"You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!" Pietro shouted. "Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur' king-a, you and all your silly English kaahhhh-nigg-etts!" He stuck out his tongue and began blowing raspberries at them, and clapped his hands on top of his hemlet.
"He's even weirder in this dimension than he is back in ours," Kurt said.
"No kidding," said Scott, and turned back to Pietro. "Now look here, my good man," he tried again.
"I don't wanna talk to you no more-a, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!" Pietro shouted, continuing his withering taunts. "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"Is there someone else up there we could talk to?" asked Kurt.
"No! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!" Pietro said.
"This is your last chance!" Scott threatened. "I've been more than reasonable!"
Pietro ignored Scott and turned to his companion, and begin whispering to him in French. The guard nodded and ran inside the castle. A few minutes later, he returned, leading a cow behind him. The two guards loaded the cow into a catapult and launched it into the air.
"If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall, Jesus Christ!" Scott began to say, then panicked as the cow flew through the air towards them.
"Run away!" Scott shouted, and the knights retreated to safety. The cow landed a few feet behind them as the knights dove behind a small hill.
"Right! Charge!" Scott shouted, drawing his sword. The other knights drew their swords and charged towards the castle. Lancelot led the charge, claws flashing in the sunlight.
Undaunted, the French guards began pelting the charging knights with everything they could grab: eggs, chickens, very small rocks, cherries, and all other kinds of debris. Scott covered his head as a pot-full of dirty water cascaded down on him. He and the knights were overwhelmed.
"Run away!" he called and ran for safety.
"Run away! Run away!" shouted the other knights as they followed after him. Lancelot actually made it to the castle and slashed at the walls once with his claws before he was forced to retreat.
Scott and the knights knelt behind the hill again as the French guards laughed at them from the castle.
"Fiends! I'll tear them apart!" Lancelot shouted, standing up to charge again.
"No, no, wait!" Scott said, grabbing his arm.
"Sir, I have a plan, sir," said Bedevire, with a cunning look on her face. The other knights huddled around her as she told them about her plan.
X
Pietro leaned over the castle wall to see where Scott and the rest of the knights were, but he saw no trace of them.
Ha! We taught those daffy ka-niggets a thing or two, he thought to himself. Then he heard strange noises coming the forest. He cocked his head and listened closer, and he could make out sawing, hammering, and other sounds of something big being built. Then he heard a faint rumble that grew louder and louder as it got closer. Something big was coming this way. He grew worried, thinking that the knights might have something up their sleeves, and gasped and dove out of sight as he saw something emerge from the forest. Nothing happened for a few minutes, so he looked up and saw a large wooden rabbit sitting at the front gate of the castle. He looked at it for a minute, expecting something to happen, but nothing did. He called to one of the other guards to have a look, and then they went down to the gate, opened the gate, and drug the rabbit inside the castle.
Scott and the knights watched this from their hiding place.
"Hah! They fell for it!" said Kurt.
"What happens now?" Scott asked Bedevire.
Bedevire raised the hinged visor on her helmet. "Well, now we wait until nightfall," she said, "And then Lancelot, Galahad and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, taking the French completely by surprise. And not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!"
"Uh, who leaps out?" Scott asked, sensing a flaw in this plan.
"Um, Lancelot, Galahad, and, er I, uh, we, leap out, of, uh, the rabbit." Bedevire said, realizing her mistake.
Scott groaned and rolled his eyes. Kurt buried his head in his hands and began sobbing. They would never find the Grail at this rate.
"Um, look, perhaps if we built a giant wooden badger," Bedevire said.
"Oh, shut up!" said Scott, and smacked Bedevire on the back of her helmet, knocking her visor back down over her face.
Suddenly there was a loud TWONG!!! Scott and the knights looked up to see the wooden rabbit hurtling towards them like a meteor.
"Run away!" Scott screamed.
"Run away! Run away! Run away!" shouted the knights and scattered for cover. Patsy stood motionless, petrified by fear, and screamed as the rabbit crashed down on him, crushing him like an ant.
Scott and the other knights fled from the castle as fast as they could, the laughing taunts of the French guards ringing in their ears.
X