In the fortress, Xavier watched in abject horror as Kurt succumbed to the
temptations of the Python Dimension. Magneto's reactions were polar
opposite: he was laughing with glee as he watched Kurt and Dingo groping
each other. In the kitchen, Mystique was getting more ice for her drink and
had no idea about what was transpiring.
"How could you do this, Eric?" Xavier asked Magneto in shock. "I had such high hopes for the boy, and to corrupt him like this,"
"Oh, loosen up, Charles!" said Xavier. "What chance did he have of actually making it with that girl in this dimension, might I ask?"
"You would know if you really knew them," Xavier said. "Their relationship was the perfect example of how humans and mutants can learn to trust each other,"
"Yes, yes, there you go again," said Magneto, rolling his eyes as Xavier geared up for another one of his long-winded monologues. "Always going on about mutants and humans learning to co-exist. It's become really quite stale by now, you know. Well, if it's any comfort to you, she won't have any idea about what's been happening to her if she gets out of there,"
Xavier did not look very persuaded. "Here, I know what will cheer you up," Magneto offered, trying to placate him. "I'll order us a pizza and we can watch the rest of the adventure. What do you have on yours?"
"Well, since you're buying, let's go Hawaiian style," Xavier said. "Ham, almonds, and pineapple,"
"Why Charles!" Magneto said, placing a hand on his chest in fake amazement. "I never knew you liked to live so dangerously!"
"My exotic tastes when it comes to pizza isn't the only thing about me that would surprise you," Xavier said.
"Chares Xavier, actually becoming 'hip'," said Magneto. "What is this world coming to?"
"What did I miss?" Mystique asked, returning with her drink.
"Well, to give you the short version," Magneto said. "Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging--,"
"Oh, get on with it already!" said Mystique.
"Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with
some lovely acting, in which Arthur discovers a vital clue, and in which
there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling,"
Mystique slapped Magneto on the head to get him to shut up.
"Ouch!" he shouted. "Right, I'll just go order that pizza, then," he muttered, and walked out of the room. Mystique followed to make sure he got her order right. Magneto was always forgetting that she was allergic to pepperoni, and the last time she had eaten pizza she had a two-week outbreak of hives.
He stopped at the exit, where Gambit, Sabertooth, and Pyro were sitting at one of the small tables, sipping drinks and playing cards. Naturally, Remy was beating his fellow Acolytes despite being more drunk then both of them put together.
"Gentlemen, we're going to order pizza," said Magneto. "Do us a favor and keep an eye on Xavier, and make sure he doesn't tamper with anything,"
"What's in it for us?" Pyro asked.
"Other than your continued existence?" Magneto asked. "Oh alright, do a good job and we'll save you a slice,"
"Deal," said Sabertooth.
"Right, we'll be back in a bit," Magneto said. "Also, make sure Xavier doesn't leave the room until I come back and get him,"
"Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him," said Pyro, slurring his speech a little.
Remy hiccupped.
"No, no," said Magneto. "Until I come and get him,"
"Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room," said Sabertooth.
"No, no, no!" said Magneto. "You stay in the room, and make sure he doesn't leave,"
"And you'll come and get him?" Pyro asked. Next to him, Remy hiccupped again.
"Right," said Magneto.
"We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room," Pyro said.
"No, leaving the room," Magneto said. Is it the alcohol or they always that stupid, he wondered to himself.
"Leaving the room, right, yes," said Sabertooth.
"All right?" Magneto asked.
"Sure, sure," said Sabertooth.
Finally, thought Magneto, and turned to leave.
"Oh!" said Sabertooth, suddenly remembering something. "If, um, if, if, umm," he said, trying to get the words out past his drunken tongue.
"Yes, what is it?" Magneto asked.
"Oh, I, um," Sabertooth continued to stumble.
Magneto rolled his eyes. "Look, it's really quite simple," he said. "You just stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room, alright?"
The only response was Remy hiccupping again.
"Oh, I remember now!" Sabertooth said. "Can he leave the room with us?"
"No!" said Magneto. "You just keep him in here, and make sure he,"
"Oh, sure, we'll keep him in here, obviously," Pyro interrupted. "But if he had to leave and we were with him,"
"No, no, no, and no!" Magneto said angrily, making a note never to let any of his mutants touch another drop of beer as long as they lived. It was clearly confusing their already-addled brains to the point where they would probably forget that they were alive unless they were reminded. "Just keep him in here," he said, walking them through it again.
"Until you, or anyone else," said Sabertooth.
"No, not anyone else. Just me,"
"Just you,"
"Get back,"
"Get back," Pyro said. Remy hiccupped again.
"Got it now?" Magneto asked.
"Right," said Sabertooth. "We'll stay here until you get back,"
"And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave," Magneto said, reminding him of the second part of his instructions.
"Who, the Professor?" asked Pyro.
"Yes. Make sure he doesn't leave," Magneto said, in a tone of voice usually reserved for dealing with very small children.
"Oh, yeah, of course!" said Pyro. "I thought you meant him," he said, pointing at Remy, who hiccupped again. "Seemed a bit daft having to guard him when he's a guard,"
"Ok, is everything clear now?" Magneto asked.
"Oh, quite clear, no problems," said Pyro.
"Right," Magneto said, and walked through the doorway. The Acolytes stood up to follow him.
"Where are you going?" Magneto asked.
"We're coming with you," said Sabertooth.
Magneto swore under his breath. When I get back, I am getting new lackeys, he thought to himself. "No. I want you to stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave," he said very slowly, pointing to Xavier for extra emphasis.
Remy hiccupped again.
"Oh, go get a glass of water or something!" Magneto said, exasperated.
"Why do you keep those idiots around anyway?" Mystique asked him as they walked out of the theatre.
"Because they're the only evil mutants that answered any of the Help Wanted ads I put up," Magneto said.
X
As Xavier watched Magneto banter back and forth with his Acolytes, his mind was racing like clockwork, trying to come up with a plan. While Magneto had been watching the X-Men on his screen, Xavier had been discreetly studying Magneto's Evil Chaos Inducer ©, trying to gleam a sense of how it worked.
The Acolytes watched Xavier for a couple minutes, and then went back to their card game. Remy was nearly catatonic as Pyro dealt the cards out.
Now's my chance, Xavier thought, and wheeled over to the giant machine. He began adjusting the mechanism, trying to recalibrate it to bring the X- Men back from their extra-dimensional prison. He looked up to see the Acolytes watching him with acute interest, knowing grins on their faces.
Xavier looked at them nervously, waiting for them to come over to him, but they just sat there, grinning like idiots. Slowly, Xavier began adjusting the machine again, keeping his eyes on theirs.
Just then, Magneto walked into the room. "Charles, the pizza's here!" Magneto said, carrying a pizza box in his hand. "Time for, what are you doing?" he shouted as he saw Xavier at the controls of the machine.
"Figures," Magneto said. "I leave you alone for five minutes and you try to ruin my evil plans. And you!" he roared, turning on the Acolytes. "I told you to keep an eye on him!"
"But you never said anything about not letting him touch the machine!" Sabertooth protested.
"You just said not to let him leave the room!" Pyro said.
"Aagh!" Magneto shouted, clenching his fists open and closed repeatedly. "This dimension isn't big enough for such stupidity!" he shouted. "But don't worry, I know just the place you three can fit in!"
With that, he walked over to the Evil Chaos Inducer ©, fired it up, and targeted the Acolytes. "You'll make a perfect addition to all that zaniness going on in there," Magneto said, and opened the vortex to the Python Dimension. The Acolytes were quickly sucked inside, and the vortex closed.
"Shall we?" Magneto asked Xavier as he brought the pizza box over to their seats. Xavier grudgingly wheeled over and took a slice.
"I must say, Charles," Magneto said. "You have exquisite tastes in pizza, even if you're a complete square in just about every other department,"
"Say, Eric," Xavier said, coming up with another plan. "How would a little wager interest you?" he asked.
"Ah, so now you're the sporting type, eh?" Magneto asked. "Alright, what sort of wager did you have in mind?"
"When Scott and the others find the Grail and get out of that dimension, you destroy your machines and give up all your evil schemes for, oh, let's say, six months?" he offered.
Magneto scoffed. "As if there's any chance of them making it back. Very well, I accept!" he said.
"Aren't you going to ask what happens if they don't make it out?" Xavier asked cautiously.
"Why bother?" Magneto asked. "I'm confident that they'll be stuck in there for a very, very long time. Tell you what, I'll make up my terms later on,"
"Fine," said Xavier, beginning to think that this might not have been such a good idea after all. The mutants turned back to the screen to watch the action.
X
"How could you do this, Eric?" Xavier asked Magneto in shock. "I had such high hopes for the boy, and to corrupt him like this,"
"Oh, loosen up, Charles!" said Xavier. "What chance did he have of actually making it with that girl in this dimension, might I ask?"
"You would know if you really knew them," Xavier said. "Their relationship was the perfect example of how humans and mutants can learn to trust each other,"
"Yes, yes, there you go again," said Magneto, rolling his eyes as Xavier geared up for another one of his long-winded monologues. "Always going on about mutants and humans learning to co-exist. It's become really quite stale by now, you know. Well, if it's any comfort to you, she won't have any idea about what's been happening to her if she gets out of there,"
Xavier did not look very persuaded. "Here, I know what will cheer you up," Magneto offered, trying to placate him. "I'll order us a pizza and we can watch the rest of the adventure. What do you have on yours?"
"Well, since you're buying, let's go Hawaiian style," Xavier said. "Ham, almonds, and pineapple,"
"Why Charles!" Magneto said, placing a hand on his chest in fake amazement. "I never knew you liked to live so dangerously!"
"My exotic tastes when it comes to pizza isn't the only thing about me that would surprise you," Xavier said.
"Chares Xavier, actually becoming 'hip'," said Magneto. "What is this world coming to?"
"What did I miss?" Mystique asked, returning with her drink.
"Well, to give you the short version," Magneto said. "Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging--,"
"Oh, get on with it already!" said Mystique.
"Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with
some lovely acting, in which Arthur discovers a vital clue, and in which
there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling,"
Mystique slapped Magneto on the head to get him to shut up.
"Ouch!" he shouted. "Right, I'll just go order that pizza, then," he muttered, and walked out of the room. Mystique followed to make sure he got her order right. Magneto was always forgetting that she was allergic to pepperoni, and the last time she had eaten pizza she had a two-week outbreak of hives.
He stopped at the exit, where Gambit, Sabertooth, and Pyro were sitting at one of the small tables, sipping drinks and playing cards. Naturally, Remy was beating his fellow Acolytes despite being more drunk then both of them put together.
"Gentlemen, we're going to order pizza," said Magneto. "Do us a favor and keep an eye on Xavier, and make sure he doesn't tamper with anything,"
"What's in it for us?" Pyro asked.
"Other than your continued existence?" Magneto asked. "Oh alright, do a good job and we'll save you a slice,"
"Deal," said Sabertooth.
"Right, we'll be back in a bit," Magneto said. "Also, make sure Xavier doesn't leave the room until I come back and get him,"
"Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him," said Pyro, slurring his speech a little.
Remy hiccupped.
"No, no," said Magneto. "Until I come and get him,"
"Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room," said Sabertooth.
"No, no, no!" said Magneto. "You stay in the room, and make sure he doesn't leave,"
"And you'll come and get him?" Pyro asked. Next to him, Remy hiccupped again.
"Right," said Magneto.
"We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room," Pyro said.
"No, leaving the room," Magneto said. Is it the alcohol or they always that stupid, he wondered to himself.
"Leaving the room, right, yes," said Sabertooth.
"All right?" Magneto asked.
"Sure, sure," said Sabertooth.
Finally, thought Magneto, and turned to leave.
"Oh!" said Sabertooth, suddenly remembering something. "If, um, if, if, umm," he said, trying to get the words out past his drunken tongue.
"Yes, what is it?" Magneto asked.
"Oh, I, um," Sabertooth continued to stumble.
Magneto rolled his eyes. "Look, it's really quite simple," he said. "You just stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room, alright?"
The only response was Remy hiccupping again.
"Oh, I remember now!" Sabertooth said. "Can he leave the room with us?"
"No!" said Magneto. "You just keep him in here, and make sure he,"
"Oh, sure, we'll keep him in here, obviously," Pyro interrupted. "But if he had to leave and we were with him,"
"No, no, no, and no!" Magneto said angrily, making a note never to let any of his mutants touch another drop of beer as long as they lived. It was clearly confusing their already-addled brains to the point where they would probably forget that they were alive unless they were reminded. "Just keep him in here," he said, walking them through it again.
"Until you, or anyone else," said Sabertooth.
"No, not anyone else. Just me,"
"Just you,"
"Get back,"
"Get back," Pyro said. Remy hiccupped again.
"Got it now?" Magneto asked.
"Right," said Sabertooth. "We'll stay here until you get back,"
"And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave," Magneto said, reminding him of the second part of his instructions.
"Who, the Professor?" asked Pyro.
"Yes. Make sure he doesn't leave," Magneto said, in a tone of voice usually reserved for dealing with very small children.
"Oh, yeah, of course!" said Pyro. "I thought you meant him," he said, pointing at Remy, who hiccupped again. "Seemed a bit daft having to guard him when he's a guard,"
"Ok, is everything clear now?" Magneto asked.
"Oh, quite clear, no problems," said Pyro.
"Right," Magneto said, and walked through the doorway. The Acolytes stood up to follow him.
"Where are you going?" Magneto asked.
"We're coming with you," said Sabertooth.
Magneto swore under his breath. When I get back, I am getting new lackeys, he thought to himself. "No. I want you to stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave," he said very slowly, pointing to Xavier for extra emphasis.
Remy hiccupped again.
"Oh, go get a glass of water or something!" Magneto said, exasperated.
"Why do you keep those idiots around anyway?" Mystique asked him as they walked out of the theatre.
"Because they're the only evil mutants that answered any of the Help Wanted ads I put up," Magneto said.
X
As Xavier watched Magneto banter back and forth with his Acolytes, his mind was racing like clockwork, trying to come up with a plan. While Magneto had been watching the X-Men on his screen, Xavier had been discreetly studying Magneto's Evil Chaos Inducer ©, trying to gleam a sense of how it worked.
The Acolytes watched Xavier for a couple minutes, and then went back to their card game. Remy was nearly catatonic as Pyro dealt the cards out.
Now's my chance, Xavier thought, and wheeled over to the giant machine. He began adjusting the mechanism, trying to recalibrate it to bring the X- Men back from their extra-dimensional prison. He looked up to see the Acolytes watching him with acute interest, knowing grins on their faces.
Xavier looked at them nervously, waiting for them to come over to him, but they just sat there, grinning like idiots. Slowly, Xavier began adjusting the machine again, keeping his eyes on theirs.
Just then, Magneto walked into the room. "Charles, the pizza's here!" Magneto said, carrying a pizza box in his hand. "Time for, what are you doing?" he shouted as he saw Xavier at the controls of the machine.
"Figures," Magneto said. "I leave you alone for five minutes and you try to ruin my evil plans. And you!" he roared, turning on the Acolytes. "I told you to keep an eye on him!"
"But you never said anything about not letting him touch the machine!" Sabertooth protested.
"You just said not to let him leave the room!" Pyro said.
"Aagh!" Magneto shouted, clenching his fists open and closed repeatedly. "This dimension isn't big enough for such stupidity!" he shouted. "But don't worry, I know just the place you three can fit in!"
With that, he walked over to the Evil Chaos Inducer ©, fired it up, and targeted the Acolytes. "You'll make a perfect addition to all that zaniness going on in there," Magneto said, and opened the vortex to the Python Dimension. The Acolytes were quickly sucked inside, and the vortex closed.
"Shall we?" Magneto asked Xavier as he brought the pizza box over to their seats. Xavier grudgingly wheeled over and took a slice.
"I must say, Charles," Magneto said. "You have exquisite tastes in pizza, even if you're a complete square in just about every other department,"
"Say, Eric," Xavier said, coming up with another plan. "How would a little wager interest you?" he asked.
"Ah, so now you're the sporting type, eh?" Magneto asked. "Alright, what sort of wager did you have in mind?"
"When Scott and the others find the Grail and get out of that dimension, you destroy your machines and give up all your evil schemes for, oh, let's say, six months?" he offered.
Magneto scoffed. "As if there's any chance of them making it back. Very well, I accept!" he said.
"Aren't you going to ask what happens if they don't make it out?" Xavier asked cautiously.
"Why bother?" Magneto asked. "I'm confident that they'll be stuck in there for a very, very long time. Tell you what, I'll make up my terms later on,"
"Fine," said Xavier, beginning to think that this might not have been such a good idea after all. The mutants turned back to the screen to watch the action.
X