After purchasing a nice-looking, fairly inexpensive shrubbery, Scott and
Bedevire made their way back into the forest, hoping that the Knights of Ni
would be satisfied, thus sparing another 6-day round trip journey. They
returned to the spot the Knights had said to come to and waited. After a
few minutes of waiting, the Knights appeared, and they began inspecting the
shrubbery.
"Oh Knights of Ni," Scott said. "We have you brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
Pietro knelt down to look at some of the shrubbery's finer details. "It is a good shrubbery. I like the little laurels particularly," he said. Then he stood up. "But there is one small problem,"
"What is that?" Scott asked nervously.
"We are now, no longer the Knights Who Say Ni!" said Pietro. "We are now, the Knights Who Say: Icky Icky Icky Icky PeTang ZoomBoing!"
"Um, ok," said Scott. "So, what does that mean exactly?"
"Therefore, we must first give you a test,"
Oh no, thought Scott. "What is this test, O Knights of, er, Knights Who So Recently Said Ni?" he asked.
"Firstly, you must bring us," Pietro said. "Another shrubbery!" There was yet another dramatic chord.
"Not another shrubbery!" Scott protested. Another 6 days! And who knew what these ridiculous knights would be calling themselves by the time he got back. Scott wished the rest of his knights were here; united, they might perhaps stand a chance of fighting their way through this roadblock.
"Then, when you have found this shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery," Pietro instructed, "So that you get a nice two-level effect with a little path running down the middle,"
"A path! A path! Ni!" shouted some of the other knights.
"Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest," Pietro said. "With. a herring!" There was one more dramatic chord as Pietro held up a small, rotting fish, to indicate exactly what Scott was supposed to use.
Pietro looked at the other Knights of Ni, who were holding instruments in their hands. "Hey, that was a good one!" Pietro said to the Knights, who were holding instruments in their hands. "Very sinister,"
"Ni! Ni! Shh, shh!" said the Knights. They put their instruments away and went back to looking menacing.
That's the last straw, Scott decided. Spending nearly two weeks to find shrubberies for these knights was one thing, but cutting down a tree with a fish would take forever. This silliness had to end right now.
"We shall do no such thing!" Scott shouted.
"Oh, please," Pietro said.
"Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done!" Scott said, trying to point out the knight's irrationality.
The knights clapped their hands to their ears and screamed in pain. "Aaah! Don't say that word!" Pietro said.
"What word?" Scott said, hoping Pietro would tell him so that he could say it again and make the mutant suffer some more.
"I cannot tell! Suffice to say, you have said one of the words that the Knights of Ni cannot hear!"
"I thought you were calling yourselves the Knights of Icky Icky whatever!" Scott said. "Anyway, how can we avoid saying the word if you won't tell us what it is?"
"Aah! You said the word again!"
"What, is?" Scott asked curiously.
"No, not is! You wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is', would you?
Suddenly, Bedevire saw another figure emerge from the forest. "Look, my liege, it's Sir Robin!" he said excitedly.
X
Indeed, it was Sir Robin who appeared, his minstrels still singing about his deeds.
"He is packing it in, and packing it up, And sneaking away, and buggering off, And chickening out, and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge!"
Scott was very glad to see Robin arrive. Now, he figured, they might have a chance against the Knights of Ni.
"Sir Robin!" Scott hailed.
"My liege!" Robin replied. "It's good to see you!"
Meanwhile, the Knights continued to cry in agony.
"Now he said the word!" Pietro said.
Scott decided to ignore the knights and ask Robin how his quest had gone.
"Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?"
Robin's minstrels answered firs. "He is sneaking away, and buggering off,"
"Shut up!" Robin said, wishing that he left the boys back in Camelot. Their tune had gotten very repetitive lately. "No, no, far from it," he said to Scott.
"He said the word again!" Pietro said, as the knights went on yelling.
Robin was extremely confused by the knights' behavior.
"Um, I was looking for it, uh, here, here in this forest," he continued, as the knights' screams got louder.
"Stop saying the word! The word!" Pietro shouted.
"Oh, stop it!" Scott said, fed up with this nonsense.
"He said it again!" Pietro said, then slowly realized what word had just passed across his lips.
"Wait! I said it! Aah! I said it again! That's three 'it's'!" Pietro said, coming to pieces.
Scott had had enough. "Come on, let's get out of here!" he said, and he, Bedevire, Robin, and the minstrels made their escape from the knights, having gained a satisfactory measure of revenge.
X
In the fortress, Magneto clutched his head in his hands. "Oh, why didn't I listen to his mother and put HIM in that institution instead of Wanda!" he groaned. His son had just been defeated by a lowly syllable, and Magneto was not a proud papa at the moment.
Xavier tried to take advantage of Magneto's despair. "You now, Eric, perhaps they've suffered enough in that dimension. Maybe it's time to bring them home and end this madness,"
Magneto sighed. "As much as I'd like to leave Pietro to rot in that wretched dimension, I think you're right," Magneto said. "I concede the bet,"
"Forget about the bet for now," Xavier said. "What matters is getting our people home,"
Magneto smiled and clapped Xavier on the shoulder. "You're a good man, Charles," he said, and walked over to the Evil Chaos Inducer ©
"I just need to make a few little calculations and we'll have them all back in no time," Magneto said, and began programming the Inducer to bring the X- Men home.
"Let's see, square root of the hypotenuse, times pi, carry the three," Magneto said, going through the complex equations necessary to bridge the gap between dimensions. "There, that should do it," he said. "Stand back, I'm opening the vortex now," Magneto threw the switch.
And absolutely nothing happened.
"Um, shouldn't something be happening by now?" Xavier asked as the machine sat idle.
"What's wrong with this piece of junk!" Magneto shouted, and kicked the Inducer. The blow caused a side panel to fall off, exposing a small tag.
"What's this?" Magneto said, looking at the tag. A look of displeasure spread across his face as he read it.
"Out of order?!" he shouted in despair.
Damn!, thought Xavier. Even in the not-so-distant future, nothing ever seemed to work.
"Charles, you're not going to believe this," Magneto said. "It says that the warranty's expired,"
Xavier groaned as Magneto walked out of the room.
"Where are you going now?" Xavier asked him.
"I'm going to call tech support. There's got to be some way to get this thing fixed!"
X
Magneto picked up the phone and dialed the number for the Evil Chaos Inducer © Support Hotline.
"Hello," said the mechanical recording on the other end. "You have reached the Evil Chaos Inducer © Support Hotline. Your call is very important to us. Please hold while we transfer you to the first available operator,"
"This better not take all day," Magneto grumbled. "I still have to take over the world,"
After several minutes listening to Enya, a human voice finally came on the line.
"Hello, Evil Chaos Inducer © Support Hotline, how may I direct your call?" the operator asked.
"Hello, this is Eric Magnus Lensharr aka Magneto. I recently ordered your Evil Chaos Inducer © and I am very displeased with how your product has performed!" Magneto said.
"Sir, our customer service division is closed today, you'll have to try back during normal business hours," said the operator.
"Now wait just a minute!" Magneto shouted. "I paid a lot of money for this machine, and I need to get it working NOW! Send somebody out here to fix it immediately!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but our technicians aren't on call on weekends. Please try your call again on Monday," said the operator, and hung up on Magneto.
"Aargh!" Magneto shouted, and crushed the phone in his hand. "Stupid, worthless, miserable," he muttered as he walked back into the theatre, plotting all sorts of painful ways to punish the operator's impudence.
"Anything?" Xavier asked hopefully.
"Just our luck, they don't send repairmen out on the weekends," Magneto grumbled.
"Great," Xavier muttered, rolling his eyes. "You should have let me talk to them, I could have brainwashed him to fix it, and wax your spheres for no extra cost,"
"As I'm sure you're aware, Charles, telepathic powers need a mind to function on. Your powers would have been useless, since this idiot clearly didn't have one!" Magneto said. "It looks like they'll have to find their own way back," he sighed.
"So how do they do that?" Xavier asked.
"Simple, they just have to find the Grail and wish themselves home," said Magneto.
"And how long will that take?"
"At the rate they're going?" Magneto asked. "I'd say, about 20 years,"
"Hope your social security's paid up," Xavier said, and turned back to the viewer to see if his X-Men could escape from this dimension before he officially qualified for the senior citizen's dinner at Denny's.
X
"Oh Knights of Ni," Scott said. "We have you brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
Pietro knelt down to look at some of the shrubbery's finer details. "It is a good shrubbery. I like the little laurels particularly," he said. Then he stood up. "But there is one small problem,"
"What is that?" Scott asked nervously.
"We are now, no longer the Knights Who Say Ni!" said Pietro. "We are now, the Knights Who Say: Icky Icky Icky Icky PeTang ZoomBoing!"
"Um, ok," said Scott. "So, what does that mean exactly?"
"Therefore, we must first give you a test,"
Oh no, thought Scott. "What is this test, O Knights of, er, Knights Who So Recently Said Ni?" he asked.
"Firstly, you must bring us," Pietro said. "Another shrubbery!" There was yet another dramatic chord.
"Not another shrubbery!" Scott protested. Another 6 days! And who knew what these ridiculous knights would be calling themselves by the time he got back. Scott wished the rest of his knights were here; united, they might perhaps stand a chance of fighting their way through this roadblock.
"Then, when you have found this shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery," Pietro instructed, "So that you get a nice two-level effect with a little path running down the middle,"
"A path! A path! Ni!" shouted some of the other knights.
"Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest," Pietro said. "With. a herring!" There was one more dramatic chord as Pietro held up a small, rotting fish, to indicate exactly what Scott was supposed to use.
Pietro looked at the other Knights of Ni, who were holding instruments in their hands. "Hey, that was a good one!" Pietro said to the Knights, who were holding instruments in their hands. "Very sinister,"
"Ni! Ni! Shh, shh!" said the Knights. They put their instruments away and went back to looking menacing.
That's the last straw, Scott decided. Spending nearly two weeks to find shrubberies for these knights was one thing, but cutting down a tree with a fish would take forever. This silliness had to end right now.
"We shall do no such thing!" Scott shouted.
"Oh, please," Pietro said.
"Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done!" Scott said, trying to point out the knight's irrationality.
The knights clapped their hands to their ears and screamed in pain. "Aaah! Don't say that word!" Pietro said.
"What word?" Scott said, hoping Pietro would tell him so that he could say it again and make the mutant suffer some more.
"I cannot tell! Suffice to say, you have said one of the words that the Knights of Ni cannot hear!"
"I thought you were calling yourselves the Knights of Icky Icky whatever!" Scott said. "Anyway, how can we avoid saying the word if you won't tell us what it is?"
"Aah! You said the word again!"
"What, is?" Scott asked curiously.
"No, not is! You wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is', would you?
Suddenly, Bedevire saw another figure emerge from the forest. "Look, my liege, it's Sir Robin!" he said excitedly.
X
Indeed, it was Sir Robin who appeared, his minstrels still singing about his deeds.
"He is packing it in, and packing it up, And sneaking away, and buggering off, And chickening out, and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge!"
Scott was very glad to see Robin arrive. Now, he figured, they might have a chance against the Knights of Ni.
"Sir Robin!" Scott hailed.
"My liege!" Robin replied. "It's good to see you!"
Meanwhile, the Knights continued to cry in agony.
"Now he said the word!" Pietro said.
Scott decided to ignore the knights and ask Robin how his quest had gone.
"Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?"
Robin's minstrels answered firs. "He is sneaking away, and buggering off,"
"Shut up!" Robin said, wishing that he left the boys back in Camelot. Their tune had gotten very repetitive lately. "No, no, far from it," he said to Scott.
"He said the word again!" Pietro said, as the knights went on yelling.
Robin was extremely confused by the knights' behavior.
"Um, I was looking for it, uh, here, here in this forest," he continued, as the knights' screams got louder.
"Stop saying the word! The word!" Pietro shouted.
"Oh, stop it!" Scott said, fed up with this nonsense.
"He said it again!" Pietro said, then slowly realized what word had just passed across his lips.
"Wait! I said it! Aah! I said it again! That's three 'it's'!" Pietro said, coming to pieces.
Scott had had enough. "Come on, let's get out of here!" he said, and he, Bedevire, Robin, and the minstrels made their escape from the knights, having gained a satisfactory measure of revenge.
X
In the fortress, Magneto clutched his head in his hands. "Oh, why didn't I listen to his mother and put HIM in that institution instead of Wanda!" he groaned. His son had just been defeated by a lowly syllable, and Magneto was not a proud papa at the moment.
Xavier tried to take advantage of Magneto's despair. "You now, Eric, perhaps they've suffered enough in that dimension. Maybe it's time to bring them home and end this madness,"
Magneto sighed. "As much as I'd like to leave Pietro to rot in that wretched dimension, I think you're right," Magneto said. "I concede the bet,"
"Forget about the bet for now," Xavier said. "What matters is getting our people home,"
Magneto smiled and clapped Xavier on the shoulder. "You're a good man, Charles," he said, and walked over to the Evil Chaos Inducer ©
"I just need to make a few little calculations and we'll have them all back in no time," Magneto said, and began programming the Inducer to bring the X- Men home.
"Let's see, square root of the hypotenuse, times pi, carry the three," Magneto said, going through the complex equations necessary to bridge the gap between dimensions. "There, that should do it," he said. "Stand back, I'm opening the vortex now," Magneto threw the switch.
And absolutely nothing happened.
"Um, shouldn't something be happening by now?" Xavier asked as the machine sat idle.
"What's wrong with this piece of junk!" Magneto shouted, and kicked the Inducer. The blow caused a side panel to fall off, exposing a small tag.
"What's this?" Magneto said, looking at the tag. A look of displeasure spread across his face as he read it.
"Out of order?!" he shouted in despair.
Damn!, thought Xavier. Even in the not-so-distant future, nothing ever seemed to work.
"Charles, you're not going to believe this," Magneto said. "It says that the warranty's expired,"
Xavier groaned as Magneto walked out of the room.
"Where are you going now?" Xavier asked him.
"I'm going to call tech support. There's got to be some way to get this thing fixed!"
X
Magneto picked up the phone and dialed the number for the Evil Chaos Inducer © Support Hotline.
"Hello," said the mechanical recording on the other end. "You have reached the Evil Chaos Inducer © Support Hotline. Your call is very important to us. Please hold while we transfer you to the first available operator,"
"This better not take all day," Magneto grumbled. "I still have to take over the world,"
After several minutes listening to Enya, a human voice finally came on the line.
"Hello, Evil Chaos Inducer © Support Hotline, how may I direct your call?" the operator asked.
"Hello, this is Eric Magnus Lensharr aka Magneto. I recently ordered your Evil Chaos Inducer © and I am very displeased with how your product has performed!" Magneto said.
"Sir, our customer service division is closed today, you'll have to try back during normal business hours," said the operator.
"Now wait just a minute!" Magneto shouted. "I paid a lot of money for this machine, and I need to get it working NOW! Send somebody out here to fix it immediately!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but our technicians aren't on call on weekends. Please try your call again on Monday," said the operator, and hung up on Magneto.
"Aargh!" Magneto shouted, and crushed the phone in his hand. "Stupid, worthless, miserable," he muttered as he walked back into the theatre, plotting all sorts of painful ways to punish the operator's impudence.
"Anything?" Xavier asked hopefully.
"Just our luck, they don't send repairmen out on the weekends," Magneto grumbled.
"Great," Xavier muttered, rolling his eyes. "You should have let me talk to them, I could have brainwashed him to fix it, and wax your spheres for no extra cost,"
"As I'm sure you're aware, Charles, telepathic powers need a mind to function on. Your powers would have been useless, since this idiot clearly didn't have one!" Magneto said. "It looks like they'll have to find their own way back," he sighed.
"So how do they do that?" Xavier asked.
"Simple, they just have to find the Grail and wish themselves home," said Magneto.
"And how long will that take?"
"At the rate they're going?" Magneto asked. "I'd say, about 20 years,"
"Hope your social security's paid up," Xavier said, and turned back to the viewer to see if his X-Men could escape from this dimension before he officially qualified for the senior citizen's dinner at Denny's.
X