Scott and the knights followed Pyro towards the cave of Caerbannog. As they
followed him, their "horses" began to whinny nervously. Scott looked back
at his new squire, who looked rather like Kitty, and saw that she had a
very frightened look in her eyes. The horses whinnied louder as they moved
on.
"They're nervous, sire," Lancelot said.
How is it that we still haven't been able to find real horses?, Scott wondered to himself, but played along with the nonsense.
"Right, then we'd better leave them here. Dismount!" he ordered.
All the knights, except for Kurt, raised their legs as if they were climbing off their horses, as their squires packed their coconut shells away. The party continued on as Pyro led them to the edge of a ravine. Scott saw a black cave at the bottom of the ravine. Wisps of smoke billowed out of the entrance.
"Behold, the cave of Caerbannog!" Pyro said, pointing to the cave's entrance.
This is it, Scott thought. Time to find out where the Grail was. "Keep me covered," he said, and approached the edge of the ravine.
"What with?" asked Lancelot.
"Oh, just keep me covered," Scott replied, and started down the ravine.
"Too late!" Pyro shouted in alarm, as the members of the Python Symphony Orchestra that had been following them around the whole time played yet another dramatic chord.
"Where? What is it?"
"There he is!" Pyro said, pointing down towards the cave.
"Where?" Scott asked, not seeing anything remotely dangerous.
"There!" Pyro said, pointing towards a small white rabbit that had just hopped out of the cave.
"Ooh! Look at the cute bunny!" Kitty said. "Can I go pet it?"
Scott looked closer but couldn't see anything else. "What, behind the rabbit?" he asked, bracing himself for the appearance of the fierce monster that Pyro had warned them about.
"It is the rabbit!" Pyro said.
Scott walked back to Pyro angrily. "You silly sod!" Scott shouted at him.
"What?" Pyro asked innocently.
"You got us all worked up!"
"That's no ordinary rabbit!" Pyro said. "That's the most foul, cruel, bad- tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"
"You tit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared!" Robin said. Everybody looked at him and wrinkled their faces. Kurt, who was standing next to Robin, pinched his nose at the stench. Gah! He makes Toad smell pleasant!, Kurt thought disgustedly.
"Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, he's a killer!" Pyro said.
"Oh, get stuffed!" Kurt said, not buying into this nonsense for a second. As a fellow furry creature, he felt an instant rapport with the rabbit.
"He'll give you a treat, mate!" Pyro warned.
"You manky Scot's git!" Robin said.
"I'm warning you!"
"Oh, what's he do anyway? Nibble your bum?" Robin joked.
"He's got huge, sharp," Pyro began. "Er, he can leap about, oh, just look at the bones!" he said, pointing at the several bleached bones that lay strewn on the ground.
"Enough!" Scott said. "Go on, Bors, chop its head off!"
"Right!" Colossus said, and drew his sword. "Silly little bleeder! One rabbit stew coming right up," With that, he started down the hill after the rabbit.
"Look!" Pyro shouted.
As Colossus made his way down the hill, the rabbit jumped into the air and sprang at him. It landed on his shoulder, leaned over, and bit through Colossus's neck. Colossus screamed as the rabbit chewed his head clean off his shoulders, and fell to the ground, a headless corpse.
"Jesus Christ!" Scott screamed, horrified at what he had just seen.
"I warned you!" Pyro said.
"Oh no! I did it again!" Robin said
"On second thought, I don't think I want to pet that thing after all," Kitty said, moving farther away from Robin.
"I warned you, but did you listen to me?" Pyro asked, laughing madly. "Oh, you knew it all, didn't you? It's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same! I always tell them,"
"Oh, shut up!" Scott shouted and drew his sword. "Charge!" he shouted, and dashed down the hill, his knights right on his heels.
On the way down, Robin tripped over Colossus' body and rolled to the bottom of the hill. The rest of the knights made it down without incident and engaged the rabbit.
The fight was short and bloody. The rabbit leapt to and fro, biting and gnawing. Scott swatted the air, trying to fend off the gnashing teeth of the killer rabbit. Overwhelmed, he finally ordered a retreat.
"Run away!" he shouted desperately.
"Run away! Run away!" shouted the other knights, and they dashed back up the hill. Pyro laughed hysterically at them, but Scott ignored the enchanter as he took stock of their losses. Having had enough fun for one day, Pyro walked away to start some more fires, leaving the knights to deal with the killer rabbit by themselves.
"Right, how many did we lose?" Scott asked.
"Gawain, Ector," Lancelot said.
"And Bors," Scott added. "Right, that's five,"
"Three, Scott," Kurt corrected.
"Er, right, three," Scott said. Why did I just say five?, he wondered. "Well, we'd better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite,"
"Would it help to confuse it more if we ran away some more?" Robin asked.
"Oh, shut up. And go and change your armor," Scott said, annoyed at both the knight's uselessness and stench.
Kurt suddenly had idea, a recollection of the tactics the French had used back in their battle. "Let us taunt it!" he said. "It may become so confused that it makes a mistake,"
"Like what?" Scott asked crossly. As good of an X-Man Kurt was, he still had a long ways to go when it came to battle strategy.
"Well, um," Kurt said. "Oh, forget it,"
"Have we got bows?" Lancelot asked.
"No," Scott said regretfully. "I knew we should have gotten those at Euro PythonLand instead of those ridiculous T-shirts!"
"We have the Holy Hand Grenade," Lancelot reminded him.
Scott smacked himself in the head. How could have he forgotten that powerful relic? "Of course!" he said. "The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! It's one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard!" Scott called.
Maynard, who looked exactly like Bobby, emerged from his tent, dressed in white robes and carrying a wooden box. Two acolytes walked in front of him, chanting and swinging braziers of incense in front of them. Maynard walked up to Scott and opened the box containing the Holy Hand Grenade.
"How does it work?" Scott asked Lancelot.
"I know not, my liege," Lancelot replied.
Pathetic, Scott thought, Logan not knowing how a bomb works. "Consult the Book of Armaments!" he ordered.
Bobby turned to one of his acolytes, who was carrying a leather bible. "Armaments, Chapter Two, verses 9-21," he said.
The acolyte, who looked just like Jamie, opened the book and began to read.
"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high," Jamie read. "saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
"Skip a bit, Brother," Bobby interrupted.
Jamie scanned down a few lines to find the actual instructions, and continued. "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'
"Amen," Bobby said.
"Amen," said the knights.
"Right," said Scott, taking the Holy Hand Grenade out of the box and pulling out the pin. "One, two, five!" he counted.
"Three, Scott!" Kurt quickly corrected before Scott could blow his own arm off.
"Er, three!" Scott said, and lobbed the Holy Hand Grenade. The grenade sailed through the air as a choir of angels sang. It landed next to the rabbit and a second later it exploded, blowing the rabbit into tiny bits.
Their foe vanquished, Scott and the other knights made their way back down the edge of the ravine and into the Cave of Caerbannog.
X
Magneto grimaced as he watched the killer rabbit make mincemeat of his acolytes. "Oh well," he said. "Saves me the trouble of killing them off myself later, anyways," He made a mental note to write up some more help wanted ads for evil mutants after the show was over. Then he saw where Scott was leading the knights.
"No, you fool, don't take them in there!" Magneto shouted at the screen. Naturally, his words were not heeded.
"What's wrong?" Xavier asked.
"The first rule of surviving in a strange medieval dimension: Never go into a dark cave!" Magneto said. "Who knows what sort of horrible things they'll run into in there?"
"Relax," Xavier said. "I have faith in Scott. He'll lead them through safely,"
"Who are you, God or something?" Magneto asked.
"Not quite, but I do work in mysterious ways," Xavier replied.
"Right, whatever," Magneto said, hoping that Xavier's faith in Cyclops wasn't misplaced.
X
"They're nervous, sire," Lancelot said.
How is it that we still haven't been able to find real horses?, Scott wondered to himself, but played along with the nonsense.
"Right, then we'd better leave them here. Dismount!" he ordered.
All the knights, except for Kurt, raised their legs as if they were climbing off their horses, as their squires packed their coconut shells away. The party continued on as Pyro led them to the edge of a ravine. Scott saw a black cave at the bottom of the ravine. Wisps of smoke billowed out of the entrance.
"Behold, the cave of Caerbannog!" Pyro said, pointing to the cave's entrance.
This is it, Scott thought. Time to find out where the Grail was. "Keep me covered," he said, and approached the edge of the ravine.
"What with?" asked Lancelot.
"Oh, just keep me covered," Scott replied, and started down the ravine.
"Too late!" Pyro shouted in alarm, as the members of the Python Symphony Orchestra that had been following them around the whole time played yet another dramatic chord.
"Where? What is it?"
"There he is!" Pyro said, pointing down towards the cave.
"Where?" Scott asked, not seeing anything remotely dangerous.
"There!" Pyro said, pointing towards a small white rabbit that had just hopped out of the cave.
"Ooh! Look at the cute bunny!" Kitty said. "Can I go pet it?"
Scott looked closer but couldn't see anything else. "What, behind the rabbit?" he asked, bracing himself for the appearance of the fierce monster that Pyro had warned them about.
"It is the rabbit!" Pyro said.
Scott walked back to Pyro angrily. "You silly sod!" Scott shouted at him.
"What?" Pyro asked innocently.
"You got us all worked up!"
"That's no ordinary rabbit!" Pyro said. "That's the most foul, cruel, bad- tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"
"You tit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared!" Robin said. Everybody looked at him and wrinkled their faces. Kurt, who was standing next to Robin, pinched his nose at the stench. Gah! He makes Toad smell pleasant!, Kurt thought disgustedly.
"Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, he's a killer!" Pyro said.
"Oh, get stuffed!" Kurt said, not buying into this nonsense for a second. As a fellow furry creature, he felt an instant rapport with the rabbit.
"He'll give you a treat, mate!" Pyro warned.
"You manky Scot's git!" Robin said.
"I'm warning you!"
"Oh, what's he do anyway? Nibble your bum?" Robin joked.
"He's got huge, sharp," Pyro began. "Er, he can leap about, oh, just look at the bones!" he said, pointing at the several bleached bones that lay strewn on the ground.
"Enough!" Scott said. "Go on, Bors, chop its head off!"
"Right!" Colossus said, and drew his sword. "Silly little bleeder! One rabbit stew coming right up," With that, he started down the hill after the rabbit.
"Look!" Pyro shouted.
As Colossus made his way down the hill, the rabbit jumped into the air and sprang at him. It landed on his shoulder, leaned over, and bit through Colossus's neck. Colossus screamed as the rabbit chewed his head clean off his shoulders, and fell to the ground, a headless corpse.
"Jesus Christ!" Scott screamed, horrified at what he had just seen.
"I warned you!" Pyro said.
"Oh no! I did it again!" Robin said
"On second thought, I don't think I want to pet that thing after all," Kitty said, moving farther away from Robin.
"I warned you, but did you listen to me?" Pyro asked, laughing madly. "Oh, you knew it all, didn't you? It's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same! I always tell them,"
"Oh, shut up!" Scott shouted and drew his sword. "Charge!" he shouted, and dashed down the hill, his knights right on his heels.
On the way down, Robin tripped over Colossus' body and rolled to the bottom of the hill. The rest of the knights made it down without incident and engaged the rabbit.
The fight was short and bloody. The rabbit leapt to and fro, biting and gnawing. Scott swatted the air, trying to fend off the gnashing teeth of the killer rabbit. Overwhelmed, he finally ordered a retreat.
"Run away!" he shouted desperately.
"Run away! Run away!" shouted the other knights, and they dashed back up the hill. Pyro laughed hysterically at them, but Scott ignored the enchanter as he took stock of their losses. Having had enough fun for one day, Pyro walked away to start some more fires, leaving the knights to deal with the killer rabbit by themselves.
"Right, how many did we lose?" Scott asked.
"Gawain, Ector," Lancelot said.
"And Bors," Scott added. "Right, that's five,"
"Three, Scott," Kurt corrected.
"Er, right, three," Scott said. Why did I just say five?, he wondered. "Well, we'd better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite,"
"Would it help to confuse it more if we ran away some more?" Robin asked.
"Oh, shut up. And go and change your armor," Scott said, annoyed at both the knight's uselessness and stench.
Kurt suddenly had idea, a recollection of the tactics the French had used back in their battle. "Let us taunt it!" he said. "It may become so confused that it makes a mistake,"
"Like what?" Scott asked crossly. As good of an X-Man Kurt was, he still had a long ways to go when it came to battle strategy.
"Well, um," Kurt said. "Oh, forget it,"
"Have we got bows?" Lancelot asked.
"No," Scott said regretfully. "I knew we should have gotten those at Euro PythonLand instead of those ridiculous T-shirts!"
"We have the Holy Hand Grenade," Lancelot reminded him.
Scott smacked himself in the head. How could have he forgotten that powerful relic? "Of course!" he said. "The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! It's one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard!" Scott called.
Maynard, who looked exactly like Bobby, emerged from his tent, dressed in white robes and carrying a wooden box. Two acolytes walked in front of him, chanting and swinging braziers of incense in front of them. Maynard walked up to Scott and opened the box containing the Holy Hand Grenade.
"How does it work?" Scott asked Lancelot.
"I know not, my liege," Lancelot replied.
Pathetic, Scott thought, Logan not knowing how a bomb works. "Consult the Book of Armaments!" he ordered.
Bobby turned to one of his acolytes, who was carrying a leather bible. "Armaments, Chapter Two, verses 9-21," he said.
The acolyte, who looked just like Jamie, opened the book and began to read.
"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high," Jamie read. "saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
"Skip a bit, Brother," Bobby interrupted.
Jamie scanned down a few lines to find the actual instructions, and continued. "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'
"Amen," Bobby said.
"Amen," said the knights.
"Right," said Scott, taking the Holy Hand Grenade out of the box and pulling out the pin. "One, two, five!" he counted.
"Three, Scott!" Kurt quickly corrected before Scott could blow his own arm off.
"Er, three!" Scott said, and lobbed the Holy Hand Grenade. The grenade sailed through the air as a choir of angels sang. It landed next to the rabbit and a second later it exploded, blowing the rabbit into tiny bits.
Their foe vanquished, Scott and the other knights made their way back down the edge of the ravine and into the Cave of Caerbannog.
X
Magneto grimaced as he watched the killer rabbit make mincemeat of his acolytes. "Oh well," he said. "Saves me the trouble of killing them off myself later, anyways," He made a mental note to write up some more help wanted ads for evil mutants after the show was over. Then he saw where Scott was leading the knights.
"No, you fool, don't take them in there!" Magneto shouted at the screen. Naturally, his words were not heeded.
"What's wrong?" Xavier asked.
"The first rule of surviving in a strange medieval dimension: Never go into a dark cave!" Magneto said. "Who knows what sort of horrible things they'll run into in there?"
"Relax," Xavier said. "I have faith in Scott. He'll lead them through safely,"
"Who are you, God or something?" Magneto asked.
"Not quite, but I do work in mysterious ways," Xavier replied.
"Right, whatever," Magneto said, hoping that Xavier's faith in Cyclops wasn't misplaced.
X