The interior of the Cave of Caerbannog was very dark and damp. The knights
had to light torches to see as they ventured inside.
"Is it me, or is it a little hot in here?" Kurt asked.
"Now that you mention it, it does feel a bit humid," Scott said, ducking beneath a stalactite. The layer of mist permeated the cave, and the air resounded deeply throughout the interior. It almost seemed as if the cave itself was breathing.
They continued on when Bedevire suddenly let out a scream. "Aaah!" she shouted. "Get it off! Get it off!"
Lancelot immediately drew his sword, looking around for danger. Scott saw that Bedevire had run into a big spider web, and was frantically trying to brush the strands out of her hair.
Scott helped Bedevire disentangle herself from the web. Robin just laughed at her.
"Ha!" he guffawed. "Bedevire's afraid of a little spider! And they call ME 'The Not-as-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot!"
"I'll have you know," Bedevire said brusquely. "That web was made by the deadly Silliwok spider. Those things can run like you wouldn't believe, and they're so venomous that one bite will melt the flesh right off your bones!"
"Aah! Keep them away from me!" Robin screamed, and ducked behind Kurt. Kurt pushed the cowardly knight away from him, lest he attract the unwanted attention of some monster lurking in the shadows.
The party made their way further into the cave, until they came to a tall rock face. They peered closely at the rock face, and they could make out some kind of strange symbols scratched into the rock.
"There, look at that!" Scott said, pointing at the symbols for the benefit of anybody who may have ignored the last paragraph.
"What does it say?" Lancelot asked, completely baffled by the symbols.
"What language is that? If it even is a language," Kurt said.
"Brother Maynard, you're our scholar," Scott said, looking at Bobby.. "What does it say?"
Bedevire placed her hands on her hips, quite put off that Scott had not asked HER for advice. Why not? After all, SHE was the smart one in this whole outfit, wasn't she? She made a note to kill Maynard later to make sure her status as genius in the party was secure.
Bobby approached the wall and stared at the carvings for a few moments. "It's Aramaic!" he said, recognizing the language.
"Of course!" Kurt said. "Joseph of Arimathea!"
"Oh, of course!" Lancelot said, chiming in lest he be thought to be completely daft.
"What does it say?" Scott asked Bobby.
Bobby traced his finger over the symbols as he translated them.
"It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea,'" he said. "'He who is valiant, and pure of spirit, may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of.',"
He paused as he tried to make out the last word. "The Castle of Aaaaggghhh," he said, groaning on the last word.
"The what?" Scott asked, confused.
"The Castle of Aaaagghhh," Bobby said, groaning again on the last word.
"What does that mean?" Bedevire asked.
"He must have died while carving it," Bobby said.
"Oh, come on! That's ridiculous!" Lancelot said.
"Well, that's what is says," Bobby said.
"Look, if he were dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'aaaaggghhh'," Scott said, pointing out this latest bit of lunacy. "He would have just SAID it!"
"Well, that's what's carved in the rock!" Bobby said, defending his translating skills.
"Perhaps he was dictating?" Kurt suggested.
"Kurt, that is the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard you say!" Scott said, getting frustrated again. He realized that he had been getting frustrated quite a bit lately. This dimension must be starting to affect him more strongly now. "Does it say anything else?" he asked Bobby.
"No, just 'aaaaggghhh'," Bobby said.
The knights stood, trying to figure out what the phrase meant.
"Aaaaggghhh," Lancelot said, turning the word around in his mouth.
"Aaaaggghhh," Scott said. Perhaps it was some kind of code.
"Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaggghhh?" Bedevire asked.
"Where's that?" Kurt asked her.
"France, I think," she replied.
"I hope that's not what it means," Scott said. The last thing he needed right now was to see Pietro again.
"Isn't there a Saint Aaaaggghhvs in Cornwall?" Lancelot asked.
"No, that's Saint Ives," Scott corrected him.
The knights continued to ponder the word. Suddenly, Bedevire shouted out something.
"Ooohooh!" she shouted, seeing a large shape appear behind them.
"No, no, aaaaggghhh," Lancelot said to her, demonstrating. "From the back of the throat,"
"No, no, Ooohooh, is surprise and alarm," Bedevire said, pointing at the shape.
Lancelot caught her meaning but still ignored where she was pointing. "Oh, you mean sort of an AAAAHH!" he shouted.
"Yes, that's it. AAAAAHHH!" she shouted again, finally managing to get everybody's attention.
The knights whirled around to see what all the commotion was about, and saw a massive beast with a gigantic mouth and dozens of eyes staring down at them, drool dripping from its rows of razor-sharp teeth. As if on cue, the Python Symphony played their loudest dramatic chord yet.
"It's the Legendary Black Beast of AAAAAHHH!!!" Bobby started to say, but the Black Beast suddenly leaned down and swallowed the scholar in one bite, then turned its attention to the Orchestra, decimating the string section in an instant.
"Jesus Christ!" Scott screamed. "Run away!"
"Run away!" the knights screamed, and frantically dashed towards the exit as the Black Beast pursued them. Naturally, Robin was several yards out in front of everybody else.
The Black Beast chased the knights back and forth through the cave, its footsteps echoing through the cave like cannon-fire. It drew closer and closer, now just a few yards behind them.
"Quick, this way!" Scott said, and the knights ducked behind a stone pillar. The Black Beast did not see them jump out of the way and kept on running past them.
The knights waited a few moments, then Bedevire broke the silence. "I think we lost it," she said.
"Phew, that was a close one," Robin said. Suddenly, there was a thunderous roar from behind them. The Black Beast had doubled back and was standing right behind the knights, who immediately took off running again.
"Keep running!" Scott shouted, as the Black Beast closed in. The knights took a wrong turn in the cave and wound up trapped against solid rock as the Black Beast slowly walked up to them, licking its lips.
"We're done for!" Kurt screamed, then threw his arms around Scott. "Oh, Amanda, I love you so much!" he cried.
"Kurt, I'm not Amanda!" Scott said, pushing the obsessed mutant away from him as the Black Beast drew perilously close.
X
In the fortress, Magneto and Xavier watched in horror as the Black Beast moved in for the kill. Escape seemed totally hopeless. Then, just as the Black Beast lunged forward, Magneto's viewer shorted out.
"No!" Magneto screamed. He leapt to his feet and started pounding on the viewer, trying the tried and true guy's way of fixing things. "We can't lose the reception now, we won't find out how they get away!"
"You mean, they actually get away from this?" Xavier asked.
"Oh, of course they get away!" Magneto said. "Think about it. This dimension is all about pure chaos. Why should they get eaten by a monster when there are far more sillier ways they could all die?"
"I suppose you do have a point," Xavier said, not wanting to think about the variety of silly ways how his X-Men could perish.
Finally, after several blows to the viewer, Magneto got the reception back online. Sure enough, Scott and the other knights were safely outside the Cave of Caerbannog, having somehow escaped from the Black Beast.
X
"What a getaway! They'll never believe this one!" Kurt said, greatly relieved to still be in one piece.
"Who, the readers?" Robin asked.
"Shh!" Scott said, hushing them. "Don't talk to the audience,"
"Sorry," Kurt muttered. Then he realized he had some explaining to do.
"Um, Scott, about what happened in there," he said, embarrassed. "It's these stupid chastity vows! I just didn't want to die a virgin!"
"Honestly, that girl's going to be the death of you some day," Scott said, wanting to quickly bury the issue and get on with things.
X
"Is it me, or is it a little hot in here?" Kurt asked.
"Now that you mention it, it does feel a bit humid," Scott said, ducking beneath a stalactite. The layer of mist permeated the cave, and the air resounded deeply throughout the interior. It almost seemed as if the cave itself was breathing.
They continued on when Bedevire suddenly let out a scream. "Aaah!" she shouted. "Get it off! Get it off!"
Lancelot immediately drew his sword, looking around for danger. Scott saw that Bedevire had run into a big spider web, and was frantically trying to brush the strands out of her hair.
Scott helped Bedevire disentangle herself from the web. Robin just laughed at her.
"Ha!" he guffawed. "Bedevire's afraid of a little spider! And they call ME 'The Not-as-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot!"
"I'll have you know," Bedevire said brusquely. "That web was made by the deadly Silliwok spider. Those things can run like you wouldn't believe, and they're so venomous that one bite will melt the flesh right off your bones!"
"Aah! Keep them away from me!" Robin screamed, and ducked behind Kurt. Kurt pushed the cowardly knight away from him, lest he attract the unwanted attention of some monster lurking in the shadows.
The party made their way further into the cave, until they came to a tall rock face. They peered closely at the rock face, and they could make out some kind of strange symbols scratched into the rock.
"There, look at that!" Scott said, pointing at the symbols for the benefit of anybody who may have ignored the last paragraph.
"What does it say?" Lancelot asked, completely baffled by the symbols.
"What language is that? If it even is a language," Kurt said.
"Brother Maynard, you're our scholar," Scott said, looking at Bobby.. "What does it say?"
Bedevire placed her hands on her hips, quite put off that Scott had not asked HER for advice. Why not? After all, SHE was the smart one in this whole outfit, wasn't she? She made a note to kill Maynard later to make sure her status as genius in the party was secure.
Bobby approached the wall and stared at the carvings for a few moments. "It's Aramaic!" he said, recognizing the language.
"Of course!" Kurt said. "Joseph of Arimathea!"
"Oh, of course!" Lancelot said, chiming in lest he be thought to be completely daft.
"What does it say?" Scott asked Bobby.
Bobby traced his finger over the symbols as he translated them.
"It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea,'" he said. "'He who is valiant, and pure of spirit, may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of.',"
He paused as he tried to make out the last word. "The Castle of Aaaaggghhh," he said, groaning on the last word.
"The what?" Scott asked, confused.
"The Castle of Aaaagghhh," Bobby said, groaning again on the last word.
"What does that mean?" Bedevire asked.
"He must have died while carving it," Bobby said.
"Oh, come on! That's ridiculous!" Lancelot said.
"Well, that's what is says," Bobby said.
"Look, if he were dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'aaaaggghhh'," Scott said, pointing out this latest bit of lunacy. "He would have just SAID it!"
"Well, that's what's carved in the rock!" Bobby said, defending his translating skills.
"Perhaps he was dictating?" Kurt suggested.
"Kurt, that is the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard you say!" Scott said, getting frustrated again. He realized that he had been getting frustrated quite a bit lately. This dimension must be starting to affect him more strongly now. "Does it say anything else?" he asked Bobby.
"No, just 'aaaaggghhh'," Bobby said.
The knights stood, trying to figure out what the phrase meant.
"Aaaaggghhh," Lancelot said, turning the word around in his mouth.
"Aaaaggghhh," Scott said. Perhaps it was some kind of code.
"Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaggghhh?" Bedevire asked.
"Where's that?" Kurt asked her.
"France, I think," she replied.
"I hope that's not what it means," Scott said. The last thing he needed right now was to see Pietro again.
"Isn't there a Saint Aaaaggghhvs in Cornwall?" Lancelot asked.
"No, that's Saint Ives," Scott corrected him.
The knights continued to ponder the word. Suddenly, Bedevire shouted out something.
"Ooohooh!" she shouted, seeing a large shape appear behind them.
"No, no, aaaaggghhh," Lancelot said to her, demonstrating. "From the back of the throat,"
"No, no, Ooohooh, is surprise and alarm," Bedevire said, pointing at the shape.
Lancelot caught her meaning but still ignored where she was pointing. "Oh, you mean sort of an AAAAHH!" he shouted.
"Yes, that's it. AAAAAHHH!" she shouted again, finally managing to get everybody's attention.
The knights whirled around to see what all the commotion was about, and saw a massive beast with a gigantic mouth and dozens of eyes staring down at them, drool dripping from its rows of razor-sharp teeth. As if on cue, the Python Symphony played their loudest dramatic chord yet.
"It's the Legendary Black Beast of AAAAAHHH!!!" Bobby started to say, but the Black Beast suddenly leaned down and swallowed the scholar in one bite, then turned its attention to the Orchestra, decimating the string section in an instant.
"Jesus Christ!" Scott screamed. "Run away!"
"Run away!" the knights screamed, and frantically dashed towards the exit as the Black Beast pursued them. Naturally, Robin was several yards out in front of everybody else.
The Black Beast chased the knights back and forth through the cave, its footsteps echoing through the cave like cannon-fire. It drew closer and closer, now just a few yards behind them.
"Quick, this way!" Scott said, and the knights ducked behind a stone pillar. The Black Beast did not see them jump out of the way and kept on running past them.
The knights waited a few moments, then Bedevire broke the silence. "I think we lost it," she said.
"Phew, that was a close one," Robin said. Suddenly, there was a thunderous roar from behind them. The Black Beast had doubled back and was standing right behind the knights, who immediately took off running again.
"Keep running!" Scott shouted, as the Black Beast closed in. The knights took a wrong turn in the cave and wound up trapped against solid rock as the Black Beast slowly walked up to them, licking its lips.
"We're done for!" Kurt screamed, then threw his arms around Scott. "Oh, Amanda, I love you so much!" he cried.
"Kurt, I'm not Amanda!" Scott said, pushing the obsessed mutant away from him as the Black Beast drew perilously close.
X
In the fortress, Magneto and Xavier watched in horror as the Black Beast moved in for the kill. Escape seemed totally hopeless. Then, just as the Black Beast lunged forward, Magneto's viewer shorted out.
"No!" Magneto screamed. He leapt to his feet and started pounding on the viewer, trying the tried and true guy's way of fixing things. "We can't lose the reception now, we won't find out how they get away!"
"You mean, they actually get away from this?" Xavier asked.
"Oh, of course they get away!" Magneto said. "Think about it. This dimension is all about pure chaos. Why should they get eaten by a monster when there are far more sillier ways they could all die?"
"I suppose you do have a point," Xavier said, not wanting to think about the variety of silly ways how his X-Men could perish.
Finally, after several blows to the viewer, Magneto got the reception back online. Sure enough, Scott and the other knights were safely outside the Cave of Caerbannog, having somehow escaped from the Black Beast.
X
"What a getaway! They'll never believe this one!" Kurt said, greatly relieved to still be in one piece.
"Who, the readers?" Robin asked.
"Shh!" Scott said, hushing them. "Don't talk to the audience,"
"Sorry," Kurt muttered. Then he realized he had some explaining to do.
"Um, Scott, about what happened in there," he said, embarrassed. "It's these stupid chastity vows! I just didn't want to die a virgin!"
"Honestly, that girl's going to be the death of you some day," Scott said, wanting to quickly bury the issue and get on with things.
X