ACT VI: "And What If I Just Kill You Both?"
April Dancer, clad again in her dressmaker's smock and carrying a large box, didn't make it past the security at the gated driveway and hadn't even been trying. She was immediately detained, searched, cuffed and escorted to another building up the road from the property and off the beaten path. She was secured in a small, windowless room that contained only two metal chairs and a solid metal table. She waited patiently for her interrogator, and was surprised to see Kozlov himself enter the room.
His eyes were burning with anger. "We have the paper that was hidden in the dress box."
"Paper?" She said innocently while trying to appear frightened. "The dress was wrapped in paper, yes. What is wrong with that? You're scaring me!"
"Stop with the act, Miss Dancer. We know who you are as well your partner waiting at the airport. Mr. Slate, I believe? The snow storm that closed the airport must have put a crimp in your escape plans." He leaned in close to her face. "Where are the other two?"
April acted surprised. "What other two?"
"The two you were seen with in at your hotel. The owner of the dress shop gave us the address."
"Oh." She looked chastised. "Them. They left already."
"How? The airport is closed." He wrapped his meaty fist around her neck. "Tell me or you die. We still have your partner."
"They don't know anything!" April choked. "And if you kill either one of us you'll have UNCLE agents crawling all over this place!"
"When that code gets to your Headquarters, there will be agents all over this place anyway!" He yelled in her face, tightening his grip.
"No! They won't, trust me!" Her vision swam as her air was slowly cut off.
There was a visible fight in Kozlov's expression as he gained control of his anger. He released her neck with a grunt and stood quickly as if he didn't trust himself not to kill her on the spot. "Don't play with me, woman, or yours will be a slow and painful death."
April's heart raced. She coughed to get her breath back. Then she sat up straight to try and emit an air of dignity. "I have a deal to make with you, Kozlov."
"And I supposed it involves setting you free?" He snarled.
"Of course," she smiled charmingly. "I'll tell you what my mission was, and you'll gladly set me free."
"Stupid girl! Your mission was to steal the meeting plans from my room!" He leaned in again. "And you were trying to return them so Thrush wouldn't know the code was broken."
"Well, the second part is right. I was trying to return the plans."
He narrowed his eyes dangerously then without warning, backhanded the agent across the cheek, almost knocking her and the chair over.
April saw stars. "B . . . but that wasn't our mission." Kozlov crossed his arms and glared at his captive while April adjusted her body into a comfortable position in the unyielding chair. "I was going to sell the plans, a copy, anyway, to the highest bidder outside UNCLE. THRUSH does have competition, you know, and they pay well." She smiled confidently, her cheek throbbing painfully. "Very well."
It took a moment for that to sink in, but Kozlov's snarl eventually turned into a grin, and then into a hearty laugh. "You're trying to get me to believe that you are double crossing UNCLE? I've never heard of such a thing! That is . . . you have quite an imagination, young lady!"
April put on a patient expression. "Oh, come on. You've heard of the Beldon Affair in Berlin. Everyone in Thrush has, I'm sure. Duplicity is not unknown in UNCLE." She smiled. "Personally, I've discovered that UNCLE doesn't pay enough to give me the things I really like. Clothes, for example; a girl needs to look her best, and I happen to like the best."
"And your partner?"
"He like cars. Fast ones."
"You're telling me you two are in this together?"
Coyness overtook her expression. "Well. We're in a lot of things together, but not necessarily this. I'll make you a deal."
He laughed again. "Deal? All you have to bargain with is your freedom! What's in it for me?"
"The real reason I'm here, which was aimed at destroying you; that is, the reason UNCLE sent a team here to begin with. My taking the code was simply a side show for me only." She sighed and fluttered her lashes. "You can have it back."
His smile lessened. "You are a cocky one, aren't you? How can you be sure I won't break you and your partner's necks right now and blame it on a car accident? This storm makes driving quite hazardous, you know."
April was suddenly all business. "Here's the deal: As a show of good faith, I'll tell you our real mission here. In return, you set me free and agree to buy information from me in the future. Inside UNCLE information would certainly make you look good to the THRUSH Council, wouldn't it? I'm out the sale of the code, but I get some guaranteed future income. We both win." April could see Kozlov's mind starting to work. Give a man a chance of power and he'll grab for it every time, she thought happily.
"And what if I just kill you both?"
She smiled again, non-plused. "Well, you'll never be sure I'm telling the truth and you'll never know why I'm really here. And that second part is what will sink you, believe me. When I tell you why I was really sent here, you'll believe me when I say that the plans I took were merely an opportunity that presented itself to me."
Kozlov was quiet while he weighed the information and considered the deal.
****************
Solo tried to get comfortable in the reception area of the Medical wing in UNCLE, Berlin. Why does every waiting room in every medical building have such lousy furniture? He thought. Fortunately, his wait was short as the surgeon appeared through a swinging door closely followed by a rolling gurney.
"He's fine. We found the shrapnel, repaired the damage and he'll live to spy again," he said shortly. This doctor was obviously used to dealing with the many UNCLE patients as well as their partners. Solo hadn't uttered a word, but stood with his mouth partially open. He snapped it shut and wordlessly pointed at the gurney. "He's going to room 210. Good day."
When the gurney slid past he could see that Illya's eyes were closed, and assumed he was asleep. He turned to go, then heard a weak voice say, "When's dinner? I'm starving." The nurse's answer faded as they moved away from the surprised CEA. Solo then chased them down the hall at a fast walk, taking time to appreciate the nurse's swaying figure beneath the uniform as she dealt with the cranky Russian. He almost ran into April and Mark as they intercepted him at a cross-hallway.
"Napoleon! How's our patient?" April's left cheek was just beginning to bloom into full bruise colors and her eye was puffy, but it didn't keep the smile from her face.
"He's his old self again."
"Batten down the hatches, then!" Mark said cheerily. His cheek sported bruises that matched his partner's.
"You can say that again," April agreed. "Good. I told Kat he would be fine before we left."
Mark frowned. "How did you manage that?"
"I told Kozlov that the purse that matches the dress was at the shop for Kat. The note was inside. By then, Kozlov had no reason to search the purse; I'd set myself straight with him, the greedy bastard." She shook her head slowly and laughed. "Men just love having secrets, don't they?"
"I wouldn't know." Mark said instantly.
"And I wouldn't tell you if we did," Solo followed up just as quickly.
"Relax, boys. It was a rhetorical question."
When the little troop entered the hospital room, it was immediately quite crowded. The pretty nurse managed a scowl that was somewhat believable, but they waited her out. She left with a promise to the surly patient that she would bring food as soon as possible. "Don't make him any grouchier than he already is," she snapped as she left. An appreciative smile from the handsome Solo didn't even soften her up.
"Tell me," Illya questioned from the bed. "How, exactly, did I get here? And is the girl all right? A short version. My head hurts."
April sat on the edge of the bed. "Shortly, here goes: Airplane. After the airport opened, of course. And the girl is fine, and she knows you are fine."
"And the coded paper was an itinerary for the next several months on Kozlov's secret meetings with Thrush and others. Since the tag wasn't needed anymore, April told him about it to make her look good and keep Kat off the suspects list, if she was ever there. I'll fill in all the blanks later," Solo summed up. Illya just nodded and relaxed into the pillows with a sigh and closed his eyes.
April patted Illya's hands.
"I felt that," Illya said with a very tiny smile. "In both hands."
"Good. Then we'll leave you alone." She glanced at her watch. "I have a couple hours of good shopping left."
Illya shook his head ever so slightly.
Mark rolled his eyes.
Solo pursed his lips. "Maybe I'll join you." He offered his arm to April and she took it happily.
"How long do you think it will take Kozlov to figure out the information I'm passing him is bad?" She asked the CEA. "Do you think Mr. Waverly will take into account the extra money I'm bringing in to UNCLE with I turn in my expense accounts? And how much bad information will it take before THRUSH will have nothing to do with Kozlov anymore?"
Solo sighed tiredly. "Don't talk. Just shop."
April nodded agreeably. "I like the way you think, Mr. Solo. Let's go!"
THE END
April Dancer, clad again in her dressmaker's smock and carrying a large box, didn't make it past the security at the gated driveway and hadn't even been trying. She was immediately detained, searched, cuffed and escorted to another building up the road from the property and off the beaten path. She was secured in a small, windowless room that contained only two metal chairs and a solid metal table. She waited patiently for her interrogator, and was surprised to see Kozlov himself enter the room.
His eyes were burning with anger. "We have the paper that was hidden in the dress box."
"Paper?" She said innocently while trying to appear frightened. "The dress was wrapped in paper, yes. What is wrong with that? You're scaring me!"
"Stop with the act, Miss Dancer. We know who you are as well your partner waiting at the airport. Mr. Slate, I believe? The snow storm that closed the airport must have put a crimp in your escape plans." He leaned in close to her face. "Where are the other two?"
April acted surprised. "What other two?"
"The two you were seen with in at your hotel. The owner of the dress shop gave us the address."
"Oh." She looked chastised. "Them. They left already."
"How? The airport is closed." He wrapped his meaty fist around her neck. "Tell me or you die. We still have your partner."
"They don't know anything!" April choked. "And if you kill either one of us you'll have UNCLE agents crawling all over this place!"
"When that code gets to your Headquarters, there will be agents all over this place anyway!" He yelled in her face, tightening his grip.
"No! They won't, trust me!" Her vision swam as her air was slowly cut off.
There was a visible fight in Kozlov's expression as he gained control of his anger. He released her neck with a grunt and stood quickly as if he didn't trust himself not to kill her on the spot. "Don't play with me, woman, or yours will be a slow and painful death."
April's heart raced. She coughed to get her breath back. Then she sat up straight to try and emit an air of dignity. "I have a deal to make with you, Kozlov."
"And I supposed it involves setting you free?" He snarled.
"Of course," she smiled charmingly. "I'll tell you what my mission was, and you'll gladly set me free."
"Stupid girl! Your mission was to steal the meeting plans from my room!" He leaned in again. "And you were trying to return them so Thrush wouldn't know the code was broken."
"Well, the second part is right. I was trying to return the plans."
He narrowed his eyes dangerously then without warning, backhanded the agent across the cheek, almost knocking her and the chair over.
April saw stars. "B . . . but that wasn't our mission." Kozlov crossed his arms and glared at his captive while April adjusted her body into a comfortable position in the unyielding chair. "I was going to sell the plans, a copy, anyway, to the highest bidder outside UNCLE. THRUSH does have competition, you know, and they pay well." She smiled confidently, her cheek throbbing painfully. "Very well."
It took a moment for that to sink in, but Kozlov's snarl eventually turned into a grin, and then into a hearty laugh. "You're trying to get me to believe that you are double crossing UNCLE? I've never heard of such a thing! That is . . . you have quite an imagination, young lady!"
April put on a patient expression. "Oh, come on. You've heard of the Beldon Affair in Berlin. Everyone in Thrush has, I'm sure. Duplicity is not unknown in UNCLE." She smiled. "Personally, I've discovered that UNCLE doesn't pay enough to give me the things I really like. Clothes, for example; a girl needs to look her best, and I happen to like the best."
"And your partner?"
"He like cars. Fast ones."
"You're telling me you two are in this together?"
Coyness overtook her expression. "Well. We're in a lot of things together, but not necessarily this. I'll make you a deal."
He laughed again. "Deal? All you have to bargain with is your freedom! What's in it for me?"
"The real reason I'm here, which was aimed at destroying you; that is, the reason UNCLE sent a team here to begin with. My taking the code was simply a side show for me only." She sighed and fluttered her lashes. "You can have it back."
His smile lessened. "You are a cocky one, aren't you? How can you be sure I won't break you and your partner's necks right now and blame it on a car accident? This storm makes driving quite hazardous, you know."
April was suddenly all business. "Here's the deal: As a show of good faith, I'll tell you our real mission here. In return, you set me free and agree to buy information from me in the future. Inside UNCLE information would certainly make you look good to the THRUSH Council, wouldn't it? I'm out the sale of the code, but I get some guaranteed future income. We both win." April could see Kozlov's mind starting to work. Give a man a chance of power and he'll grab for it every time, she thought happily.
"And what if I just kill you both?"
She smiled again, non-plused. "Well, you'll never be sure I'm telling the truth and you'll never know why I'm really here. And that second part is what will sink you, believe me. When I tell you why I was really sent here, you'll believe me when I say that the plans I took were merely an opportunity that presented itself to me."
Kozlov was quiet while he weighed the information and considered the deal.
****************
Solo tried to get comfortable in the reception area of the Medical wing in UNCLE, Berlin. Why does every waiting room in every medical building have such lousy furniture? He thought. Fortunately, his wait was short as the surgeon appeared through a swinging door closely followed by a rolling gurney.
"He's fine. We found the shrapnel, repaired the damage and he'll live to spy again," he said shortly. This doctor was obviously used to dealing with the many UNCLE patients as well as their partners. Solo hadn't uttered a word, but stood with his mouth partially open. He snapped it shut and wordlessly pointed at the gurney. "He's going to room 210. Good day."
When the gurney slid past he could see that Illya's eyes were closed, and assumed he was asleep. He turned to go, then heard a weak voice say, "When's dinner? I'm starving." The nurse's answer faded as they moved away from the surprised CEA. Solo then chased them down the hall at a fast walk, taking time to appreciate the nurse's swaying figure beneath the uniform as she dealt with the cranky Russian. He almost ran into April and Mark as they intercepted him at a cross-hallway.
"Napoleon! How's our patient?" April's left cheek was just beginning to bloom into full bruise colors and her eye was puffy, but it didn't keep the smile from her face.
"He's his old self again."
"Batten down the hatches, then!" Mark said cheerily. His cheek sported bruises that matched his partner's.
"You can say that again," April agreed. "Good. I told Kat he would be fine before we left."
Mark frowned. "How did you manage that?"
"I told Kozlov that the purse that matches the dress was at the shop for Kat. The note was inside. By then, Kozlov had no reason to search the purse; I'd set myself straight with him, the greedy bastard." She shook her head slowly and laughed. "Men just love having secrets, don't they?"
"I wouldn't know." Mark said instantly.
"And I wouldn't tell you if we did," Solo followed up just as quickly.
"Relax, boys. It was a rhetorical question."
When the little troop entered the hospital room, it was immediately quite crowded. The pretty nurse managed a scowl that was somewhat believable, but they waited her out. She left with a promise to the surly patient that she would bring food as soon as possible. "Don't make him any grouchier than he already is," she snapped as she left. An appreciative smile from the handsome Solo didn't even soften her up.
"Tell me," Illya questioned from the bed. "How, exactly, did I get here? And is the girl all right? A short version. My head hurts."
April sat on the edge of the bed. "Shortly, here goes: Airplane. After the airport opened, of course. And the girl is fine, and she knows you are fine."
"And the coded paper was an itinerary for the next several months on Kozlov's secret meetings with Thrush and others. Since the tag wasn't needed anymore, April told him about it to make her look good and keep Kat off the suspects list, if she was ever there. I'll fill in all the blanks later," Solo summed up. Illya just nodded and relaxed into the pillows with a sigh and closed his eyes.
April patted Illya's hands.
"I felt that," Illya said with a very tiny smile. "In both hands."
"Good. Then we'll leave you alone." She glanced at her watch. "I have a couple hours of good shopping left."
Illya shook his head ever so slightly.
Mark rolled his eyes.
Solo pursed his lips. "Maybe I'll join you." He offered his arm to April and she took it happily.
"How long do you think it will take Kozlov to figure out the information I'm passing him is bad?" She asked the CEA. "Do you think Mr. Waverly will take into account the extra money I'm bringing in to UNCLE with I turn in my expense accounts? And how much bad information will it take before THRUSH will have nothing to do with Kozlov anymore?"
Solo sighed tiredly. "Don't talk. Just shop."
April nodded agreeably. "I like the way you think, Mr. Solo. Let's go!"
THE END