Depend On You
by Hotaru
Chapter 2: Broken PathWhen days are deep
And drunk with dreams' desires
I see you in my mind's eye and think
What could have been if we're together
Looking at the same stars.
Caught in the final distances of space.
Then I knew that what could have been
Is as far from here as the sound of stars
They mock me in the darkness
In the muted silence of the night
That promises no sleep.
Tomoe arrived at her apartment at half-past ten, tossing her bag and shoes at the carpeted floor as she walked over to the telephone to check for recorded messages. She turned slightly when she heard a familiar voice address her timidly and all-too-politely through the darkness, urging her to grope the machine and play the message again, as if hearing his voice once is never enough…
"Itoshii, this is Kenshin. Sorry to have to call you this late, but you weren't answering your cellphone this morning, and I know pretty well that you might be in the middle of something which I understand, really. Anyway, how's your day? Just want you to know that I might be busy tomorrow, but will definitely want to pick you up for dinner if it's alright. I would suggest my place, but we've both been unruly lately… and there are some things I really need to discuss without the errr… distractions. Hope to really see you soon itoshii, and good night. Aishiteru. And sweet dreams."
Tomoe smiled despite the heavy fatigue in her bones and muscles. I love you too, Kenshin Himura…and I'm going to prove that very soon if you'd let me…
. . . . . . . . . .
"What brings you here, Himura? Sure you haven't lost your way?"
Saitou was seated on a tall swiveling chair, his face taut with mild contempt at the figure before him. Just last night, Katsura informed him of the outcome of his conversation with Himura and how he flatly refused to cooperate, even when the details of the nature of the mission have already been disclosed.
Which is why the moment Himura had shown up in his doorstep, Saitou felt the strongest urge to kick him in the face, and shove his ass where it belongs. To the gutter.
And he hopes it stays there for good.
Kenshin meanwhile remained where he stood, gauntlet-eyed, and serious. Not that he can be anything less than serious. He seriously thought he'd die when he reach thirty, on account of this overbearing seriousness which added ten years to his already stressed out existence.
THAT, however, is a problem that could wait.
"I guess you and I need to continue where we left off, Saitou. Katsura-dono explained some details and confirmed as much, but I still have a few questions, which I know you won't mind answering for me…"
Saitou snorted, taken by the ex-assassin's sudden politeness. "You're officially out of the Kamiya case so I have no obligation to discuss anything with you that's classified. Now if you'd excuse me I've got better things—"
"I don't think you heard me right, " Kenshin began, his voice slightly tense and impatient this time, but nevertheless well-controlled. "I think I know where your Kamiya girl is."
. . . . . . . . .
"So, the girl's been sending you signals all this time and you chose to ignore them until now? THAT sounds lame even for a novice Special Tactical Operations Officer, don't you think???"
Kenshin sipped his tea, trying his best not to meet the deep silvery gaze that shot daggers at him.
"I'm not a novice Saitou, though I do admit being a skeptic sometimes...You of all people should understand that it's part of the business."
Saitou grimaced. "So what made you listen this time?"
Kenshin thought about that, his mind going back to the memories of last night…
* * * * * * * * * * *
He arrived at his apartment at quarter past nine, feeling tired more from mental rather than physical exertion. His immediate impulse was to call Tomoe, and having done that, he slid behind the kitchen counter, bringing out a small glass and a bottle of sake, which he poured into the glass, filling it to the brim.
At the thought of his earlier conversation with Katsura, his hand went up to his right temple, which had been throbbing that morning, making him wonder exactly how and when the pain started. That throbbing, however, had not returned since that morning, and that made him even more apprehensive for some reason, urging him to reach deeper into his consciousness for answers…
Then, as if some divinity had heard his wish, he found the voice whispering in his head, more quietly this time…
"I'm here…Please…can anyone hear me? I know you can…I can feel you inside my mind…so near…yet so far…Battousai…"
He bristled at that, shocked at the sound of his old name in his ears.
"Who are you…and why do you know that stupid name?"
The voice sighed, seemingly tired, boneless tired. He only pitied her…
"You were my first assignment…" she answered, as if those words were enough to explain a lifetime of torture.
"Please be clear on that. What do you know about me…" "Not more than you know about yourself…" "Do you always have to be poetic?"
Of course, he had been accused of the same fault…
"Only when the reason warrants it, Battousai…"
"If you want this conversation to continue, stop using that stupid name…"
He was getting frustrated and he can't even control it.
Silence.
Kenshin had to strain to listen, enduring the maddening throb in his temple as he forced himself to reach out even further.
"Where are you? Kamiya?""Hai?"
"You didn't answer my first question…" "Maybe because I didn't want to…Did it even occur to you to consider that?" "You wouldn't have any reason to evade the question…" "You wouldn't have any reason to want to remember…""Just tell me…about this first assignment…"
"It was nothing unfamiliar to you…It was about Jineh…You needed to kill him…They gave me the rules, I was only the messenger… They told me that "the killing was to be done just so…"
Kenshin remembered it so well…It sounded so familiar, like those clichés in trashy, suspense mystery novels: "The killing was to be done just so…Exactly as ordered…Any improvisation would be punished…"
His mind repeated it, like a mantra it has never forgotten…
"Demo…the first time you used that sword to kill Jineh, you cried… You asked why you felt so sad when you wanted to do what you did because Jineh deserved to die… Sometimes I wonder if my answer would have mattered…demo…after making you do what you hold against yourself, I can never be the one to console you…"
Kenshin stared at the murky depths of the sake in his glass. "I do not need consolation…I am not the child you obviously think I am."
There was a long pause. He was surprised when the voice returned abruptly, sounding weaker, more faint….
"Child or not, fears have their reasons…"
"I cannot afford fear. Killing is not for cowards."
"Principles are not for cowards either."
"It was what kept me going."
"What kept you going was my own inability to protect you from yourself…"
"Look…" he told her, a little bit more impatiently this time. "I don't need anyone protecting me…I don't need anyone…"
"You don't need me to be with me, Battousai…because as much as you want to deny it, we are linked by a common thread…something you and I must live with if we have to live at all…
"And what is that?"
"A guilt that can never be broken…"
He could have denied it as she predicted, but it didn't feel right at the moment. For at that moment, he felt nothing, sensed nothing but her agony, her struggle, her pain… Those were not unfamiliar, but try as he might to reach out to share that struggle, a wall stood between them…a wall that seemed to separate them invisibly, like space…
"You shouldn't feel my guilt…" he found himself saying, his mind clutching at the edge of that pulsating barrier which enveloped their thoughts.
"Nobody else should be responsible for the choices I couldn't have changed, even if I were to start from the beginning…"
Silence. The ripple of energy was so weak, he felt almost afraid that she had broken contact completely, leaving him alone, trapped in the solitude of his own reflections.
He tentatively pushed the barrier and it wavered, the energy connecting, vibrating with the familiar energy that allowed him to feel her weak presence through the haze…
"Kamiya???"
"Hai???"
"Stop playing god… You couldn't have had any power to stop things from happening, even if you dared intervene in making them happen. After all, we are just catalysts of fate… Everything could not have fallen into place without everybody wanting it so, at the same time…It seems that in so far as we've allowed ourselves to be used, we are one and the same. Just pawns…"
"Demo…" the voice suddenly intervened, surprising him. "You are not just a pawn that much I can tell…But there is so little time to explain…when you seem to have so many questions for me…"
"Kamiya…"
"This has been a very interesting conversation, Battousai… Demo, it's almost time…"
His mind bristled with disappointment. "Time for what?"
"Time to go…"
"Go where?" It was a stupid question he needed to ask.
"A place of childhood you don't need to remember…"
He shook his head mentally, feeling the coldness now, and shivering despite the warmth of his coat. " Iie…stay for a while…"
"Sayonara, Battousai…or should I say, Himura…Kenshin Himura…"
Then there was complete silence.
Kenshin flopped down the couch, his mind hovering at the edge of sleep. A place of childhood…How could she say that when I have nothing…
Then a shock of memory assaulted him.
Nothing but torture to remember it by…
And this scar…
The answer could not have been more crystal clear.
* * * * * * * * * *
Saitou's voice was hard to ignore as Kenshin sipped his tea meditatively, pulling back his mind to the present.
"Do you know what that means, Himura?" Saitou was practically seething, shaking him out of his reverie. "Katsura could have you court-marshaled for this!!!"
Kenshin shrugged it off, his eyes wandering idly at the tea before him. "Not really Saitou. As I've explained to you several times, the first time I heard the voice in my head, I wasn't sure whether it was just a dream, or some weird hallucination… Besides, the voice was not very particular about details… It never really bothered to explain who she was, and why she had been calling out so desperately for help… Even if you and Katsura-dono had sufficiently explained about Kamiya being some sort of a psychic, I would have no way of recognizing 'psychic resonances' as you call them, since nothing in my previous experiences even came close to that knowledge…"
"So now that you've confirmed all this, what're you planning to do, Himura?" Saitou asked, disgruntled at the logic of the ex-assassin's explanation, which he had to admit was acceptable despite his feelings against it.
"I need you to tell Katsura-dono that I'm accepting the job only if I can have a free hand as to how the operation should proceed."
"I don't think you're in a position to impose such conditions."
"I don't think you or Katsura-dono is in any position to refuse."
Saitou looked away, his eyes contemplating the odds. "I don't think you need to be reminded that this case is sensitive. We don't want her harmed in any way. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that she's not some hostage you can sacrifice when things get out of hand. Kamiya has to be taken alive."
Kenshin narrowed his eyes, aware of Saitou trying to read his thoughts. "I know that. And at this point, I'd do anything to get her off my mind. Her incessant calls and pleas for help are practically driving me insane."
Saitou smiled at that, his eyes crinkling. Kenshin thought something must be amiss in the universe, for Saitou was not the kind who seemed capable of the slightest emotion, much less anything remotely resembling a happy one.
"Are you trying to pull something off Saitou?" Kenshin asked, just slightly suspicious and put off at this untimely display of emotion on the part of the cold-hearted detective.
"Iie. For a moment there, you had me thinking that you and Kamiya are quite intimately linked..."
Kenshin blanched at that, but showed no physical indication of it. Something about a psychic knowing one's consciousness inside and out would have caused panic in the heart of any man. His secrets and fantasies, after all, are not THAT innocent to begin with…
He coughed slightly, turning away from the coal gray eyes that stared deeply into his. "I don't think even someone as obsessed with information as yourself would endure THAT kind of link with any woman Saitou…Knowing you though, I guess you'd find some real use for it…"
"Really now?" Saitou asked, eyes glimmering in curious amusement. "Care to enlighten me more about these random thoughts, Himura?
"I'm leaving."
. . . . . . . . . .
"Secretary Katsura?"
"Hai?"
"This is Saitou."
"Any news, developments about the Kamiya case?"
"Seems that there's a major turn of events that we hadn't anticipated, General Katsura."
The voice on the other line paused, suddenly intrigued but unsure. "What do you mean?"
"Himura has agreed to take the job."
A pause. Katsura breathed a relief, his voice lighter this time, though tinged with the same self-conscious wariness that veterans had been known for.
"Any conditions?"
"A few quite manageable ones, actually."
"How manageable?"
Saitou's eyes flickered, his lips thinning into a wan smile. "It seems that Himura wants full authority over the operation. He also requests an early retirement—or shall we say, relief—from his duties as Operations Officer."
"And what do you think, Hajime-san?"
"I thought you knew him far better than I do to have any say in the matter, sir."
"An enemy's opinion is always insightful…"
"If that's the case…" Saitou trailed, taking a long drag from his cigarette, the smoke obscuring his face as he switched the receiver from one to the other hand, fingertips holding the cigarette tentatively. "I think the bargain is more than reasonable even if I do not trust that Himura will NOT intervene if she lets him on the nature of the case… He is, after all, still Battousai, and if I knew THAT personality far better than this one, you would trust me when I say that he can be infinitely stubborn and thick-headed when it comes to certain matters of principle…"
"Matters of principle?"
"Deep down inside, the fucking asshole—pardon my fondness for Himura—is still an idealist…And if my guts are correct, an idealist is not swayed by anything but his sense of right. His only rules are those of his conscience. Unlike others of our kind, his ethics is more powerful than any primary impulse, even his cock…Though I guess, where that damn fucking attorney is involved, the two are equally matched…"
Katsura was quiet for a while, pondering Saitou's words. In the end, he sighed, a slight hint of regret adding several lines to his once youthful face.
"Tell Himura that his conditions will be met. But remind him Saitou, that should he fail, I will take up the matter with him personally, and deliver the full extent of its consequences."
Saitou grinned. "He shall be reminded, Secretary Katsura."
"Arigatou, Saitou. I suggest you look after him from here. Not that he really needs it."
"Hai. I know what you mean, Secretary. Until tomorrow then."
"Until tomorrow."
. . . . . . . . .
Tomoe had felt the tension and agitation around him the moment he took her hand in his and led her to the table overlooking the sea, in the restaurant he had carefully selected for their date that evening. Not that she should be complaining at this point in their relationship. She had known him for far too long to have any unnecessary doubts about the nature and extent of his preoccupation. She decided to keep quiet and take whatever he has to offer by way of companionship.
His companionship had always soothed her. Never demanding and rarely imposing, Kenshin was an ideal she knew other woman could only dream and fantasize about. She was fortunate that she stayed long enough to discover the gentle, loving man who once hid beneath the haze of hate, passion, and cruel idealism which was the Battousai. She shuddered to think that the warrior still lurked in the depths of the kind, sensitive man who sat across her now, his amethyst eyes gazing out at the stars with a thoughtful expression in them which twisted her insides, making her want him more urgently than ever. If only she insisted that they have dinner in HER place this time, then she could have acted on those precious impulses without a moment's hesitation…
She must have been staring at him so intensely that Kenshin had to break his silent reverie and shift his attention to her. He smiled.
"Do you like it here, itoshii?"
She smiled in return, blushing for no apparent reason. "Hai, anata…"
He took the hint, bringing out the small box that he had been fiddling inside his pocket for days. For some strange reason, he felt the urgent need to put the ring on her finger right now and promise her the one thing he knew will make them both happy. The abruptness of the gesture wasn't lost on Tomoe, who stared at her ring finger speechlessly, the full significance of the 'surprise' dawning on her like a violent, tumultuous wave…
"Marry me, Tomoe…"
The words were simple but full of meaning, coming from someone who spoke rarely and sparingly. She smiled, noting the tremor in his voice, and the urgent plea in his eyes, which could have melted even the hardest of hearts.
"Hai, anata. For you, I will do anything, endure anything, if it will make you happy. You know that, don't you?"
He smiled wistfully, touching her face ever so gently. "Hai, itoshii. And I will do the same, that I will…"
She followed his lead, closing the gap between them with a soulful kiss that took away the empty aching need in their hearts…
The next morning, Tomoe woke to an empty bed, the blankets beside her folded neatly, a note resting on the top pillow next to her.
She recognized the hand writing, but the words seemed distant and incoherent, making her grope for some meaning that could render it comprehensible. But there was none. She dropped the note and grabbed her bag, tossing out its contents until her hand had felt the object she desperately needed.
She punched his cellphone number and waited.
I'm sorry, but the number you dialed is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please try your call later.
She threw the cell on the carpeted floor and crumpled to her knees, her body racked by uncontrollable sobs that did nothing to soothe the wave of despair that crashed around her, drowning her senses.
. . . . . . . . .
Stay in focus. You did the right thing, though she'd probably kill you and hate you for it. But that's something you need to find out for yourself once this is over. And that's what you need. To get this over with as soon as you can. So focus, goddamit!!!
Kenshin's eyes moved cautiously left and right, assessing the height of the wall he needed to scale to get into the facility. Not that he doubted his equipment will work. Katsura had given him all that he could possibly need to accomplish the mission. And he's not going to fail, Tomoe's face urging him on, making him almost impatient as he quietly crawled vertically and landed on his two feet on the other side of the wall, his body relaxing only so slightly when he noticed that no apparent danger had yet greeted him.
So far so good…
Iie… not really, Battousai. A guard is already on his way, about twenty meters from your position. Please be careful…
Kenshin's back bristled at that. How could she have known he was here? By now, he had become familiar with the voice inside his head—too familiar in fact that it was almost unsettling. He decided to focus on the situation instead, taking her warning for what it is.
Using the camouflage suit that rendered him partially and temporarily invisible for a few seconds, Kenshin proceeded to his target location, his fingers unconsciously grappling the hilt of the sword expertly, his thoughts now intent on finding the voice through the haze of madness in his mind.
In the facility, the girl anticipated the slow descent of a hand on her arms and legs, checking out the wires binding her to the table, and the tanks that rendered her immobile. She knew that they've been drugging her to keep her mind inactive and sluggish, rendering her helpless against her captors and their torturous procedures. Just the unspoken reminder that the new set of wires the hands have latched on her arm and legs will be instrumental to the next phase of the experiment, was enough to turn her insides. Sometimes she would wake and see vague images about her, some too frightening to deserve remembering, others too grotesque and surreal to deserve recognition. The visions she had yesterday however, were the worst, the sensations inside her body still too painfully real to convince her that those images were just part of the dream imposed upon her consciousness by the white-haired doctor who wanted to find out the extent of her powers, and would subject her to unimaginable horrors to get the results he wanted. She knew too that with the shields up around her 24 hours a day, she really had no way of seeking outside help, since all her mental energy would simply bounce off the energy barrier to be absorbed by the plasma tanks strapped to her sides, preventing her from using these residual energies to damage the shields and send out her signal.
But she never lost hope. And by some strange twist of fate, somebody did pick up her signal.
There's no doubt about it, as she scanned the facility for the presence of the mind she had grown accustomed to, in her youth. Kenshin Himura, otherwise known as the Battousai is, after all, the same man she had saved so many times before…But last night…
Was it just a dream? she asked idly, wondering with just a little curiosity…
Thinking about the odds though, and the circumstances leading to it, she could not help but wonder strangely at this turn of events. She knew that the ex-assassin is indeed a powerful man, matchless in countless ways and unpredictably dangerous. She also knew that she was the one largely responsible for the whole mess that complicated his life as an assassin, the force that gave him the same unconscious impulses of the ruthless killer, the drive that pushed him to the brink of insanity…
In other words, she was, and continues to be the source of the madness that haunts even now, the peaceful man known as Kenshin Himura, and the one who will inevitably ruin his life again, and perhaps more permanently this time, if she allowed herself to involve him far more deeply than he is willing…
For they are nothing but pawns moved by invisible hands… and she, the broken path whom Battousai the aimless warrior must follow, even to the edge of doom.
That is, if she would let him…
. . . . . . . . .
Author's notes: Okay, let me just clarify that Kaoru is not the bad guy here—could never be THAT because I like her too much!!! (As for unpredictability, my behind!!! Oooppss, just saw it flying outside the window). As for Tomoe, again, let me remind you that she deserves to get a fairer treatment than she mostly gets, and even though most of us will scowl at that (Hey, I know a lot out there who love those fics where they kill her off to make room for Kaoru) I feel that the conflict between Kenshin's past with Tomoe, and his eventual meeting with the "Kamiya girl" can only be genuinely explored if these two women are alive. (Besides, it's the only way to do Kaoru's character justice, since she's NOT just Kenshin's second choice, by accident, as some Tomoe fans out there would like to believe) As I said earlier, I have my own preferences, being a K&K fan myself, but anything can still happen in this fic, and Kenshin is in for more torture. So does Kaoru. And though she hasn't struck a chord in his heart yet—not for some chapters I guess—it excites me just imagining how these two will meet in person…and what will happen after that. All characters are in for a lot of torture and heartache and I kind of pity them because I'm such a bad ass writer, but hey, you'll help me won't you? I really appreciate your comments so send me one, please. Thank you for reading and until next week!!!