December in Tokyo meant that a lot of celebration. Even though the Christians were a minority, Christmas was still celebrated. This meant that the department stores were flooded with shoppers and the streets were crowded with people celebrating holiday cheer. Tokyo from a distance could have been mistaken for New York City in the mid-holiday season.
For Tsukushi, December had a different meaning. Just before the New Year was her twenty-second birthday. In the past, she hardly celebrated because her family was poor and she didn't like the thought of her friends buying presents for her. However, the Western world thought that celebrating her birthday very important. Her roommate in Australia was the first person to ever celebrate Tsukushi's birthday in such a grand manner by throwing her a surprise party for her eighteen birthday.
The Collins celebrated Christmas and Tsukushi's birthday at the same time. So, it wasn't usually celebrated on its actual day. However, with the holiday season going into full swing, Tsukushi found herself missing London's streets, pubs, cultural enclaves, and academic halls even more. Christmas in Tokyo seemed so much more artificial and far too foreign for her tastes. She wasn't Christian, but the way the English celebrated it had more meaning. She chalked it up to spending too much time abroad.
True, there was a constant struggle being between two cultures. Tsukushi could only blame herself. It was self imposed. She enjoyed being Japanese. It was her true culture and her upbringing. However, there were things that she liked about Western culture, whether it was British or Australian. In Japan, it was typical for people to be indirect to avoid being rude, but Tsukushi was never one to be indirect. She had a more forceful personality than most Japanese would like in an girl. It was something she had learned from her mother. The people in Eitoku said it was because of her socioeconomic class.
Tsukushi decided to make the best of her Christmas in Tokyo. She decided to order presents for her friends and family. She addressed and sent cards on her own. Tsukushi wanted to personally go shopping for gifts, but she couldn't stand the crowds and her security wouldn't allow for it. Security was tightened once again at Tsukushi's suggestion. This startled Sammi at first because this was the first time in two years, since the stalker's attacks had began, did Tsukushi ever called for more security.
It was the stalker that kept her also from leaving the safety of her penthouse. She was slowly becoming agoraphobic. The stalker had ceased his attacks once again. However, he was never far from Tsukushi's thoughts just as she was always in his. There was not a moment outside her penthouse did she feel like she wasn't being watched. There wasn't a moment where she couldn't feel the heavy gaze of someone. Not a moment pass where she did not feel the breath of someone on the back of her neck.
She kept the curtains closed. The last person she had invited into her penthouse was Susumu. Even Sammi was banned from coming. She even had the locks changed in secret by ordering the tools and the locks through a hardware store. She was able to get it pass security by telling the building manager to keep it in the backroom of the office. When the guards were rotated, she went and picked up the package. She changed the locks in her office, the spare room, and the bedroom. She left the front door alone. She was never in the living room or the kitchen alone for too long. She took shelter in one of the other rooms.
Tsukushi had ceased working on the next album. She had only completed three songs thus far. Sammi didn't ask about it because Tsukushi had to work on the duet with Megumi Hiro and the soundtrack for the movie. What was Tsukushi doing in her on self imposed isolation? She was writing. She was writing in her journal along with some work on her dissertation. She spent hours on end reading with hopes of distracting herself from her life. She also spent some of her time listing suspects. If the police were going to be useless, that meant that Tsukushi had to take things into her own hands.
The question she asked herself frequently was: why didn't she just escape? She thought of leaving numerous times. Tsukushi did not leave. She had spent enough time with her stalker to know one thing. There was no escape. Unknown to her, there was also no defense.
*
Tsukasa was listening to her album again. He didn't listen to it when other people were around. Because of his father's presence, Tsukasa didn't feel he had to be there. Tsubaki, Aki, and Reiko left for a family outing. Tsukasa wasn't used to being around his family too much. It was the way he had been raised.
The only person who was always there when he was younger was Tama-san. Tsukasa was more used to her than his parents. She was more than just a servant. She was like a grandmother to him. He didn't like to think of her that often.
Tama-san had died three years ago. For a brief period of time, Tsukasa came back to Tokyo to spend the summer that year. Akira and Soujirou assumed that he was back to look for Tsukushi. That was partial true. Rui knew why he had returned.
Tama-san had cancer. Tsukasa had returned to pay her a visit because she had asked him to come. He had the ulterior motive to go and look for Tsukushi, but instead he ended up staying for Tama-san. He clearly remembered his first visit. She smiled at him gently before promptly telling him to stop slouching. He talked back to her. She called him a foolish boy and that she was sorry for how she raised him.
How she raised him. Tsukasa realized that she was the one who really raised him. Between her and Tsubaki, they were the only true family he ever had. She told him at that moment that she as dying. Tsukasa told her that she wasn't. She always said that she was close to death's door, but it was never true. Tsukasa told her that he never really meant it when he said to her, "Shouldn't be dead by now?" Tama-san smiled at him, but didn't say anything. It was at that moment did Tsukasa realize that she was dying. It was true.
He stayed for the next two months, never being too far away from home. Tama-san made the request of dying her quarters at the Doumyouji mansion. Tsukasa hired a full time nurse to stay and monitor her. The day she died was a sunny summer day.
It was a sunny day. There was a light breeze outside that provided little relief. Tsukasa had returned early from the corporate offices. Tama-san insisted that he make something of himself and go to work. He didn't really do much, but it satisfied his mother that was actually going.
The rest of the Doumyouji family was doing his or her own thing. His parents were busy doing business, while Tsubaki was working with her husband. This left Tsukasa alone with Tama-san. The rest of the household was silent during that time. As the end came near, it became more painful for the people who had live afterwards, especially for Tsukasa.
He did not even bother to try to summon his sister. He took on the burden alone. Tama-san never complained about the pain she was. The treatments did not work because of her age. The doctors said that the only thing Tsukasa could do was make things as comfortable for her as possible. Tama-san felt like she was burden to him but he quickly assured she was not.
"You should not be here, young master," murmured Tama-san.
"It's okay," said Tsukasa. He always told the nurse to go away whenever he visited. His visit were growing longer and longer.
"You're being lazy, aren't you?" asked Tama-san, but a grateful smile remained on her face. She knew her end was near. Tsukasa must have sensed it as well because he was strangely quiet. She could see the burden of the world on his shoulders. He bore a great resemblance to his grandfather and father, but somehow the weight of the world was heavier on him. "You look more tired than I do," she commented softly as her hand touched his. You also look more dead inside than I do. And I am the one who is dying, thought Tama-san.
Tsukasa did a strange gesture one would have never expected of him. He placed his hand on top of hers. Neither could tell if it was to comfort the other or not. "I would rather be here," he whispered.
Tama-san studied her young master closely. "I wished for something more for you, young master. I had a very simple wish, but I fear I may never see it come true," she whispered, her strength slowly fleeting.
"What? I have everything a person could possible want and more," said Tsukasa. He didn't want her thinking about him. Why were they talking about him? He wasn't the one who was dying.
"I wished for you to be happy. From the day you were born, I wished for it. The Doumyouji have been my life since I was nineteen years old. I have only lived for this family. For this household. As time passed, I saw you, young master, unhappy in this household. Do not let it consume you as it has your father, mother, and sister. This is your house. You will rule it one day," said Tama-san.
Tsukasa chuckled slightly at her words. It would have been more scornful under different circumstances. He was never far from his mother's control. It was like he was tethered to her side. "You talk like I'm a prince or something," he said without an bitterness.
"You have always been. But, remember, it is your life to live. It is not anyone else. Not your mother. Not your father's. You must do what it takes to make yourself happy, even if it means not being the richest in the world. There are other ways to be rich, young master. I have felt like the wealthiest woman in the world. It was because I was happy serving you and your family," said Tama-san.
"I never understood that. Not until I met her," whispered Tsukasa. "I never knew that giving so much of myself to other person would give me more than I could ever imagine." This was the first time he had ever admitted his feelings about her in such a serious way.
"I knew it the moment I saw the way you looked at her. You were looking for her than she was for you when she stayed in this house as a servant," agreed Tama-san. "You will see her again."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I know when things are meant to be, young master," whispered Tama-san as she smiled at him. "I only wish that I could see it."
"I never told you before...but...I would like to thank you for everything," whispered Tsukasa, hearing the shorter breaths she was taking as she struggled to keep her eyes open.
"Love does not require anything in return," she whispered as she gazed at him. "You have made me happy, young master. You have been difficult, but at the same time, you have made me happy. Be happy as well. Remember power and money cannot buy or gain you happiness. The question is if you are willing to give it up for it, then it is worth more," Her eyes final closed as her hand went limp in his.
Tsukasa sat there for a moment. He did not shed a single tear because after so long she was finally at peace. There was no more pain in death. He released her hand and stood up. He took one last look at her before summoning the nurse.
Tsukasa came back to the present. He listened to the music. He thought about what his father had said about Tsukushi's career and how she defended it. He had to accept it. Because it was part of her. Just like he had accept Susumu. It was easier to accept Susumu than her career.
His father's approval of Tsukushi gave Tsukasa a boost of confidence. Tsukasa had to plan his next move very carefully.
*
The blades clashed as the two figures clad in white suits and protective gear came at each other again. One of the figures was subdued by the shorter one. The shorter fencer was obviously the better trained one, having experience many matches and years of fighting.
"Enough," said Sammi as she relented. She admitted defeat after fighting for more than an hour against an opponent she couldn't possibly defeat. She took off her helmet and shook her hair. Beads of sweat, slipped down the sides of her forehead. "I thought you were handicapping yourself."
The other fencer took off her helmet. "I was, but you're still too slow," Tsukushi informed her. "You're getting better."
"I cannot believe you requested a workout room," said Sammi. They were in Gaia Records. The small workout room, actually resembled more of a ballet studio. Tsukushi did her yoga and tai chi in the room. Every once in a while, she practiced her martial arts and fencing, but for the last two there were hardly any opponents around. Sammi was only a first degree fencer, while Tsukushi, with five years of experince, was a level two. She was also steadily improving and she was able to face off with opponents of higher levels. Most people had a tendency to underestimate her because of her body structure and height.
"It's boring here," said Tsukushi. She didn't really feel safe there, but there were times when she felt like she was being watched. "There's an international fencing club. I'm a member, aren't I?"
"Yes, you are. Would you like to go there?" asked Sammi.
"What about my schedule? I barely have time to go in here," said Tsukushi.
"Well, the recording for the soundtrack will take place in Hanazawa Records. They're the ones handling it. Later on, you have to work on a music video to release the first Japanese single. After that, there's the rehearsal for the concert at the end of January--"
"So, what you're saying is there's no time off any time soon? Sammi, you keep harping on the fact that I should take a break, yet you schedule all this," interrupted Tsukushi.
"It's not just me. You were the one who agreed to all of this. You could have stopped. You don't have to be so strict with your contract. You are Gaia Records. As for time off, I'm going to be generous. You can have the part of 25th and all of the 28th off, but you're expected to perform on New Year's Eve. However, I believe you can have New Year's Day off," said Sammi with a smile.
"How kind of you," said Tsukushi. "Are you returning to London for Christmas by any chance?"
"I'm afraid not. Mum and Dad decided to finally take a holiday to Greece and Italy. They've been waiting for years for it. If I go home, they'll feel like they can't leave," said Sammi. "And Charlie is still in the Middle East reporting for the Associated Press as a field correspondent."
"So, you're stuck here. I'm sorry," said Tsukushi.
"What about you? If you wanted to take the full week off and just return for New Year's Eve, then you can go home and visit your parents," suggested Sammi.
Tsukushi shook her head. "The house in Osaka is their home, not mine. I bought it for them. I do not want to impose myself on them. Besides, there is too much to do in here in Tokyo. Do you miss just being London, Sammi?"
She nodded in agreement. "You miss London, too, don't you? But, you're home."
"Am I? I do not feel it. I haven't felt in a while. Maybe, I have spent too much time abroad and have gotten accustomed to it. Or it's the people I miss the most, Sammi. I miss my friends here, but I am more accepted there. I had more friends and a life there. Here, I have to be someone else in order to be accepted," said Tsukushi in a soft whisper.
"Tsukushi--"
Tsukushi interrupted Sammi again, "Never mind. I'm just being melodramatic. I'm actress, Sammi. It's what I do. Please don't worry about me." However, she didn't even really smile nor did she look sad.
"What are you going to do on your birthday?" asked Sammi.
"I'm going to sleep in. Then, I'm going to the fencing club here in Tokyo. I've been here a while and I still haven't gone there. Then, I don't know what else."
"I see. Do you mind if I joined you at the fencing club?" asked Sammi.
"Not at all," said Tsukushi as there came a knock at the door. "Who is it?"
"It's Yuki-san," said Dominic from behind the door.
"Enter," said Tsukushi as the door swung open. Yuki came in with a smile as the door shut behind her. There were windows in the room that allowed a full view of Tokyo, but it was high enough so that no one could see who was in the room.
"I thought that you'd be in here. I received a call from Hanazawa Records. They are expecting you at nine tomorrow morning," said Yuki. "So, what's going?" She noticed the white suits and fencing equipment.
"We're done for the day," said Tsukushi with a smile. "It feels good to get a little exercise. The shooting in Okinawa was harder than I expected. I didn't know I had to learn to sit still for hours on end just to shoot one tea ceremony scene."
"You were never high on patience. Tolerance perhaps for some things, but not patience," said Yuki with a knowing smile. Sammi laughed in agreement.
"I'm going to take off my suit, take a shower, and change," said Tsukushi, ignoring their comments as she left the room. She collided with someone one the way out.
"I'm sorry," Ryan quickly apologized as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. They had slid down when they had collided.
"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going," said Tsukushi. Dominic stood nearby, but he looked like he was on alert. There was a flicker in his icy blue eyes.
"Actually, there's another message," Ryan informed her. "There's news of where they're going to hold the concert. It's going to be held in the new amphitheater."
"Really? I can't believe it," said Tsukushi in amazement. The new amphitheater was one of the largest ever constructed.
"It was the only place big enough to handle the demand," explained Ryan. "I was just about to tell you the news. Actually, I was going to tell Sammi."
"Oh, you go ahead and do that," said Tsukushi. "I have to go and freshen up." She walked passed him. Dominic proceed to follow her.
"Excuse me," he said to Ryan.
"Doing a good job are you?" asked Ryan, which made Dominic stop.
"Doing the best I can," replied Dominic.
"We all are," agreed Ryan as he went to tell Sammi the news.
*
Christmas came in a whisper and was gone in a moment. Tsukushi had spent the vacation resting at home, but she was invited to a last minute party. It was at the urging of Sammi that she attend. However, Tsukushi had no idea where the party was until she was in the limo.
"So, where are we going?" asked Tsukushi.
"It's a surprise," replied Sammi.
"It better not be a surprise birthday party," murmured Tsukushi. Sammi smirked a little, but turned her head so that Tsukushi wouldn't notice.
"It's all right. I got a call from Hanazawa Records. They're holding a huge banquet at the Maple Hotel," said Sammi.
"Really? You didn't say anything about the Maple," said Tsukushi in alarm. She could feel it coming, but nothing could prepare her for the next words that Sammi spoke.
"Tell me about your past with Doumyouji Tsukasa," said Sammi. "Tell me about yourself, Tsukushi. I barely know who you are."
"What is it you wish to know?" asked Tsukushi.
"You say we are like sisters, but you do not trust me with your secrets. It is not fair, Tsukushi. I trust you with mine," said Sammi.
"My secrets are nothing complex," said Tsukushi.
"But, yet they hurt you. You and Doumyouji Tsukasa were in love once. I can tell. There are moments where you look off into the distance. You think of him," said Sammi.
"Do not presume to know what I am thinking. Do not think you know what my heart has in it," said Tsukushi without bitterness nor coldness.
Sammi stared at her. "You are afraid. It is your greatest fear, isn't it? After the stalker is gone, this fear shall remain."
"What is that fear?"
"You are afraid of letting anyone know you. You afraid of letting anyone get close enough to you. If you do, then you stand a chance of getting hurt. Just like before," said Sammi.
"The stalker is like a shadow. Even when he is gone, his presence will remain," said Tsukushi in reply. Sammi looked at her in mild alarm. "It's been going on for more than a year. Almost two. Possibly even longer. It's not over yet."
Sammi was about to reply when the limo came to a stop. The door opened, and Tsukushi stepped out of it. Sammi had arranged to have some spare gowns made for such an occasion. The cameras immediately started flashing. Sammi ordered the limo to the garage. She never got in the spotlight unless she could avoid it.
The F4 spotted the flashing cameras and scurry of the press and knew immediately who had arrived. Rui was the one who had extended the invitation, but did not give his name over the phone to Sammi. Tsukasa was dragged in by his father and sister, but now he knew why.
The flashes from the camera made it look like Tsukushi was appearing at the end of a tunnel with a bright light. Her hair was half up and half down. The dress was once again a feat of engineering. The dress was backless almost down to the small of her back. It was clipped into place by straps at the top like a halter top. The dress was remarkable white with sparkling silver thread laced into intricate patterns. Her toes peeked through a pair of silver sandals that were flat on the ground.
Noticeably, she was unescorted because the party was last minute for her. However, she pulled off looking prepared splendidly. She did not really give a big smile for the cameras which along with her doe like eyes were her trademark. She looked along the sides and made brief eye contact with Rui and understood what had happened.
Tsukushi was ushered to the ballroom of the Maple Hotel. She saw Rui and his father at the front table with the Doumyouji. She had avoided eye contact with Tsukasa who was looking very regal indeed. He was seated with his family, but only she could sense the distance. His father was seated next to Rui's father.
"Tonight is a celebration for the first time we celebrate the completion of the movie, The Butterfly Lovers," said the announcer. "This movie's completion marks the beginning of a partnership between Hanazawa Records and Gaia Records. As a special guest tonight, we have Ringo Arisu, the star of The Butterfly Lovers."
The last part received more applause. Tsukushi wanted to get out of there, but she smiled pleasantly at the applause. She was contemplating how to make an escape as soon as no one was noticing her. Soon everyone was served dinner and the ballroom floor was filling with dancers.
Tsukushi ate her dinner quietly as Sammi joined her. "Security has been checked," Sammi informed her. She had an ear piece in her ear connected to her cell phone. Tsukushi gave a nod of acknowledgement.
"Tsukushi-chan, it's been ages since I've seen you," said Tsubaki as she approached the table with her husband beside her.
"It's good to see you, Doumyouji-san," said Tsukushi, unable to remember Tsubaki's husband's last name.
"You don't have to be so formal," said Tsubaki. "May we have a seat?"
"Sure, it's your hotel," said Tsukushi with a shrug.
"You've never met my husband before have you, Tsukushi-chan?" asked Tsubaki.
"No, and please call me Arisu," corrected Tsukushi. Of course, the guest were doing other things and talking amongst themselves to notice anything. Tsubaki nodded knowingly. She understood that Tsukushi wasn't there for a social call, but more for business.
"This is my husband, Akihito," said Tsubaki with a smile.
"You can call me Aki for short," said her husband. He really didn't like his name because it was so stiff and formal. He was a relaxed and good natured person.
"It is a pleasure to meet, Aki-san," said Tsukushi.
"I was wondering if you'd actually show up or not," said Rui Hanazawa as he came up behind her, startling her for a moment.
"It's good to see you, Rui," said Tsukushi.
"What are all you doing here?" asked Doumyouji Tsutomu as he approached the table.
So much for attempting an escape, thought Tsukushi as she swallowed a sigh. "Are you performing tonight?" asked Tsubaki.
"I don't know," replied Tsukushi. Akira and Soujirou came to the table by that time, but Tsukasa had noticeably kept his distance. His father was there and he was sure that he was going to get embarrassed by him.
"Strange how you didn't act like you knew my family," said Tsutomu.
"You did not ask, Doumyouji-san," said Tsukushi calmly. They were stifling her. She stood up. "I think I will perform something."
Tsukasa was actually talking to Rui's father. He wanted to look like he was too busy to go to the table where everyone else had congregated at.
"So, you mean to tell me that you boys knew her when you were going to school?" asked Hanazawa Reiji.
"Yes," replied Tsukasa. "It seems that everyone gravitates towards her."
"Was she singing in school?"
"No, she wasn't."
"I hate missed opportunities. She is a very talented young woman, but Gaia has the contract. I hope that when that contract expires, Hanazawa Records can make a bid," said Reiji in a very straight forward manner. It was his way of doing business. Over the past few years, his sternness had mellowed out. "Perhaps, Rui can help. He knows her as well."
"She does not do things unless she wants to," pointed out Tsukasa. "She's very loyal to those she makes promises to."
"You know her very well, don't you? Perhaps, you can help." suggested Reiji. "I've tried talking to that manager of hers, but it has been no use. The contract isn't iron clad it's one of the most flexible contracts. I hope to show her what Hanazawa Records can offer her."
Tsukasa was about to reply when the sound of silence resonant all over the room. He looked to see the reason why. Tsukush was standing next to the piano with Sammi at the keys. Sammi began to play the piano that showed all the experience she had.
Oh, thinkin' about all our
younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
Oh, once in your life you
find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Yeah, nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh, there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
'Cause our love will light the way
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
I've been waitin' for so
long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Yeah, I'll be standin' there by you
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
The audience stopped and many hearts fluttered at the sound of her voice. Rui joined them with his violin during the song, surprising his father because he didn't typical play in public. The song suited Tsukushi perfectly that night because in the white dress she looked like an angel on top of a Christmas tree.
Tsukasa was frozen in that moment, not paying any attention to anyone else. A soft smile formed on his lips as he watched her. She wasn't just doing a job, but she was doing her passion as well.
The cameras flashed during the song along with a set of flashes that were hidden within the crowd. All eyes were on Tsukushi. Leaving no room for escape.
AN: This part once again contains some subtle foreshadowing. I also thought that it was time to show how Tsukasa's done some growing up. Pardon, the sheer "suckness" of this chapter. I had finals and I was writing this in between to maintain some of my sanity. I know it was supposed to be a birthday celebration here, but that will be in the next chapter. I probably won't get to develop Rui's father all that well or as well as I had hoped. I have no idea now how many chapters there will be. I can't believe I've made it this far. Can you? For more ramblings and theories, please go to my webjournal at ayane.blurty.com
The story sometimes writes itself. This story goes with a flow that's all its own. ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own Hana Yori Dango. The song belongs originally to Bryan Adams and was remixed by DJ Sammy. For the lyrics please go to kissesonthewind.com.