The long day wasn't far from over yet. It was the worst day the Makino family had ever experienced. They all went back to Tokyo in one limo. Susumu and Tsukushi sat on opposite sides of the car, diagonal from each other. They refused to look at each other. Sammi sat next to Tsukushi, while Yuki sat next to Susumu. Both of them looked at Tsukushi and Susumu from time to time then at each other.
The rain still hadn't let up. Tsukushi was soaked to the bone, but she refused to do anything about it. It seemed like an eternity was passing by. Her entire being was numb. Sammi and Yuki wondered why she hadn't cry at all. She hadn't cried in front of anyone. The spark in her eyes had dimmed to a mere flicker, like a candle struggling to stay lit against a strong wind. Susumu had the same look in his eyes. It seemed that Makino fighting spirit had died out along with their parents.
Tsukushi was first dropped off at her penthouse, but she refused to have Sammi escort her. She entered her dark apartment and didn't bother to turn on the lights. The curtains were drawn closed, so she opened them up to allow the light from the city inside. The rain slid down the panels of the windows as she stared outside. She could see her reflection on the window panel. She turned away. She saw the answering machine was lit up. There was only one message on it. She was going to erase it without listening, but instead accidentally hit the play button.
"Tsukushi-chan? It's Papa. I know that you had to go to work early today," said her father's voice on the machine. Tsukushi turned up the volume. She rubbed her arms furiously as she listened to his voice. "Oh, yes, your mama has something to tell you. Hold on."
"How can she hold on, Papa? She's not even there. Just hand me the phone," said her mother in the background. "I know that, Mama. Here," he retorted.
"Hello, Tsukushi-chan. I hope you're feeling very well today. Today is a very big day for you. Don't worry so much and try not to stress yourself too much. Don't overwork yourself. Okay? We have a big surprise for you. Just know that we're proud of you. Do your best."
The machine beeped, signaling the end of messages. Tsukushi pressed the button to repeat the message. She played over and over again. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she listened to the messages over and over again. She curled into a ball as her body started to shake with sobs.
*
The party at the Doumyouji Mansion was going underway and the business world was ablaze. Doumyouji Tsukasa was going to officially assume power on February 1st. It was a grand celebration indeed. However, he was thinking of other things. He wished that Tsukushi had been there to hear the news herself, but he reminded himself that she was at work.
"Actually, that's not all I have," said Tsutomu as he smiled at his son. "My real birthday present is here." He handed Tsukasa a white envelope. "I had to fix a couple of minutes ago."
Tsukasa opened it and found tickets for himself, Tsubaki and her family, and his friends. He looked at his father with an amazed look. "It helps when you put up the majority of the funding for the amphitheater," explained Tsutomu with a grin. "Now get out of here before you're late."
"Tickets! I can't believe it!" exclaimed Shiguru happily. Tsukasa passed out the tickets.
"Thank you, Otousan," said Tsukasa as he gave him a smile. Rui's cell phone had gone off. He picked it up.
"Yes, what is it, Otousan?" asked Rui. "What? That can't be true. Yes. Okay."
"What happened?" asked Soujirou.
Rui looked at his cell with a puzzled look. He announced, "The concert. It's been cancelled. The crowd is getting out of hand. My father knows because the opening act is from Hanazawa Records. They just announced it."
"What? But, this is Makino we're talking about. She just wouldn't cancel like that," exclaimed Akira.
"Something must have happened," said Soujirou.
"This was very important to her. Tsukushi-chan wouldn't have just cancelled like that," said Shiguru.
"We should find out what's wrong," agreed Sakurako.
"Call Gaia," said Tsukasa to Rui.
He dialed the number. "The lines are all busy," he said. "I'll keep trying."
Tsukasa looked pale. "What the Hell is going on? She wouldn't just cancel like that! Something's wrong," he exclaimed. "I'm going to see if I can get through on one of the lines here." He went off to his study to see if he could get through, but Tsubaki stopped him.
"Now, you don't know if there's anything really wrong or not. There's probably a reason why," said Tsubaki.
Tsukasa gazed at her and said, "She loves what she does. Something bad has happened that's prevented her from doing what she loves. I can feel it." He shook her off and ran off to his study.
"Yuki," said Soujirou. Everyone stopped when he said her name. Tsutomu had been silently watching everything. "Yuki is her best friend. She also works for Gaia. I'm going to see if I can reach her cell." He hoped that she still had the same number. It had been a while since he had called her. He tried. "There's no answer."
"We should go down there," said Shiguru.
"You heard what Hanazawa-san said. The crowd is losing it," disagreed Sakurako as she shook her head. "It's probably already on the news."
"Let's go and check," said Akira.
"This way," said Tsutomu as he led them to one of the nearby dens. He turned on the big screen television and changed the channels to news.
"There is a small riot breaking out at the amphitheater in downtown Tokyo. The Ringo Arisu Concert has been cancelled. A spokesperson from Gaia Records has stated 'no comment.' However it is rumored that something may have happened to the young starlet. More news to come as soon as we have it," said the newscaster.
"On other news, traffic from Osaka was backed up for three hours this morning due to a fatal crash. One of the victims died on impact, while the other victim died several hours later at a nearby hospital," he continued.
"Nothing," said Akira.
"That's it. I'm going to see Yuki," said Soujirou. "We have to find out what's going on."
He quickly went to the front and got his coat. He made his way to the car without an umbrella. He hoped that nothing had really happened.
*
Yuki and Susumu were dropped off. She escorted him to his apartment and was going home in the limo as the final stop. He hadn't really said a word, but allowed her to help him upstairs. Yuki made some tea for him and made sure he drank it. She didn't try to force him to eat anything.
"I can stay if you want me to," said Yuki. She had seen him crying in the hospital. She looked at his eyes. They were so dull.
"She let my father die," whispered Susumu. "She let him die."
"What?" asked Yuki.
"She just let him die, Yuki. She was the one who told the doctor not to revive him. She told him to do it. I tried to stop her, but I couldn't. She let my father die," he whispered.
"Susumu," whispered Yuki, unable to come up with anything. She put her hand on top of his. "I'm sorry," she managed. "I'm so sorry."
"She never really cared about us. She just left us. Abandoned us. They loved her and she just left. She's selfish. She only cares about herself. She just used her money to keep us away from her because we were an embarrassment to her. She didn't want people knowing that she was poor or where she came from. That's why she never used our name. They forgave her. Even after all the things she had done to them...they forgave her," he muttered in an angry voice.
She wanted to tell him that he was wrong. She wanted to tell him that Tsukushi worked hard for her family and that everything she had done was for them. "She won't even cry. She can't even do that because she doesn't care. As far as she's concerned, it's one less problem to deal with. It makes her life easier. She can now forget that she was ever a Makino."
Yuki bit her lip. She wanted to say all the things that were spinning in her head. She wanted to say that nothing he said was true, but she found herself unable to speak. "Go home, Yuki. I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep and wake up and hope that this is just some horrible dream."
"Bye," said Yuki in a very quiet voice. She went back to the limo. She told the driver to take her home. She had her hands clutched into fists on her lap. She didn't even realize she was crying until the tears splash on top of her hands. The limo come to a stop. She wiped her tears away before getting out. "Thank you" she said to the driver.
Soujirou stood in the rain under an umbrella waiting for her. She didn't even notice him as she went to the gate of her house. She started to go inside the gate, but he caught her hand in time.
"Yuki. Did you even see me?" asked Soujirou. He noticed that her eyes were red. She looked pale. She had her umbrella tucked under her arm. "What's wrong? Why have you been crying?"
"It's all my fault," she finally whispered. "I can't help her. I can't help him. It's all my fault." She started to sob. Soujirou didn't understand what wrong. He dropped his umbrella and grabbed on to her. He pulled her to his chest, but she struggled against his grip. "Let me go!"
"What's happened to Tsukushi?" he asked, knowing that he was using her name.
"I can't help her," she whispered. "Let me go!"
"What happened to her?" he asked again. "Yuki, I can't help, if you don't tell me what's happened."
"There's nothing anyone can do. Nothing," she muttered as her legs gave out. "It's all my fault. I was so stupid. If I hadn't i-invited them...oh my God. I'm so sorry." She broke out in hard sobs. She had lost the ability to speak at that point.
Each one of her sobs broke Soujirou's heart just a little bit. He crouched down and held her as the rain pounded on their shoulders.
*
The next few days went by slowly. Gaia Records gave a statement. They said that the concert was cancelled due to personal reasons, but nothing specific was named. It was driving Tsukasa crazy, but he didn't have time to think about it. He used his resources to find out what happened. He even went by Tsukushi's penthouse to find that she wasn't letting anyone in. The manager, who was usually on good terms with her, couldn't even give a hint of what was wrong.
Rui kept trying to get some information from Gaia Records. He couldn't get anything from them. There were lawsuits, which Gaia had to bring out their lawyers for. He wondered what had gone wrong. There was no news, even the press was having a hard time getting information.
Soujirou came back from Yuki's without any real information. He didn't tell them what Yuki had said. It seemed as if it was something that she wanted to keep private. He started to use his connections as well. As a tea master, he could get people to talk or he knew people who would talk.
Akira used his connections, even though they weren't as good as Rui's or Tsukasa's. He decided to try a different tactic. He asked Shiguru, who had connections to her alma mater, to talk to officials at Eirin. They both agreed that the school probably had some information. If something gravely affected Tsukushi, then it would affect Susumu as well.
Gaia Records kept everything under wraps. Patricia ordered time off from Tsukushi for an indefinite period of time. Therefore, they couldn't reschedule the concert anytime soon. To say that the fans were unhappy was an understatement. They had to do mass refunds for the tickets, but it was a big let down for all of the fans. Sammi was reporting back and forth, but left that all out. It was the last thing Tsukushi need to hear.
Susumu returned to school after skipping one day. He returned without an excuse. The students at Eirin could detect a large cloud looming over him. They all stayed out of his way. His eyes were dull and he moved slowly. The only surefire sign that something was really wrong was detected by his homeroom teacher. His homeroom teacher was always annoyed by him.
"Makino-san! Are you paying any attention at all? Can you at least pretend that you're paying attention?" asked his teacher.
Susumu made no reaction. He didn't even give his usual smart ass comments like normally did. The teacher didn't know what to make of this. He was at a loss. "Are you all right, Makino-san? You usually have something to say. I really don't know how to proceed with it." The class laughed at his comment, but Susumu stayed silent.
When the class let up, he went to Mariko's homeroom to meet her. She came up to him with a smile, but it immediately faltered when she saw his face. "What's wrong? You look so sad," she said.
"Walk with me," said Susumu.
They walked silently together until they were in a more secluded spot. "It was raining really hard yesterday and the day before that," said Mariko, feeling uncomfortable. "But I suppose a little rain doesn't hurt. You were gone yesterday, and I didn't see you the day after that. They said you left early."
"I need a favor," he whispered.
"What?" asked Mariko. She was utterly shocked. He had never asked for anything before.
"Could you attend a tsuya with me today?"
"I've never been to one. No one close to me has ever died," answered Mariko. "Who's it for?"
"My parents," replied Susumu.
Mariko's jaw dropped slightly. She had never met his parents. Only his sister. The shock sank in as she asked, "That's why you've been out? Isn't it? You shouldn't be here."
"Are you coming with me or aren't you? I don't want to go alone," said Susumu.
"I'll go. Yes. I'll go with you, but you're not alone. Your sister is going to be there, isn't she?" asked Mariko.
"Don't talk about her," growled Susumu, completely scaring Mariko. She bit her lip. "I don't want to go alone."
"I'll be there with you. You won't be alone," whispered Mariko as she sat down next to him. She didn't ask how his parents died. The only thing she could do was comfort him in silence. He didn't really want to talk about it. His energy had been spent.
*
Shiguru used her connections at the school. It turned out that she knew some of the secretaries at the school. They were eager to tell her what happened. It seemed that Gaia had neglected to order them not to say anything. So, Shiguru had the news that everyone was waiting for. She called Tsukasa first and he said to meet at the Doumyouji Mansion. He asked her if she could tell him ahead of time, but she couldn't really speak.
The news was devastating for her. Shiguru had cried when she first heard the news. She had gotten to know the Makino family very well before. She had liked Tsukushi's parents very much. They were good people, even though they were poor. She also cried for Tsukushi and Susumu. The loss was unfathomable to her.
Akira arrived second to last. He reported that Kin-san knew something, but wouldn't say what it was. Kin-san recieved a call from Yuki the night of the accident. He and Yuki were going to Osaka for a brief trip to tie up the loose ends after the tsuya, but the F4 and their friends didn't know about it. Akira said that Kin-san seemed in shock about something.
Shiguru was the last to arrive. She walked into the house quietly and saw them all looking at her expectantly.
"Well? What happened?" demanded Tsukasa.
Shiguru stared at him as she bit her lip. "Tsukushi's parents died the day of the concert on your birthday," she whispered as she swallowed a sob. "Yuki had gone to Eirin to go and pick up Susumu. At first he refused to go with her, but she told him that his mother was already dead. Their father died much later in the afternoon. I don't know when exactly."
The room was stunned at the news. Tsukasa's jaw had dropped. He sank to his chair as she continued to give the news. "How?" he whispered. "How did they die?"
"I'm not sure yet. But that's why the concert was cancelled. Tsukushi couldn't leave her father," said Shiguru.
"I can't believe it," muttered Sakurako in a whisper.
"What can we do?" asked Akira.
"There's nothing we can do," said Soujirou as he remembered what Yuki kept saying over and over again. It's all my fault.
"It's not fair," exclaimed Tsukasa. "Did you get any other information?"
"Nothing. The school hasn't gotten any, but Susumu returned to school today," said Shiguru. "My sources say that he doesn't look too well."
"There's going to be a funeral service. We should find out when it is. We could send some flowers," said Akira.
"I need to see her," said Tsukasa.
"You can't. She closed herself off. Even Gaia can't reach her," said Soujirou. "I don't think even Yuki can reach her."
"I don't care. I need to see her," insisted Tsukasa.
A feeling of helplessness engulfed him. It was the same feeling he had when Tama died. He wanted to protect and comfort Tsukushi. "I still have her number from Gaia. I'll use it to reach her," he said. Whatever hurt her, hurt him as well. He could only imagine the pain she was in. He remembered how close the Makino family was.
"Stop, Tsukasa," said Rui, finally speaking up. "There's nothing we can do for now. It's a private, family matter. Let them deal with it. The Makino have always taken care of their own."
"Taken care of their own?! They were the ones who left her in Tokyo to leave for that fishing village! Rather than make sure that she had a stable roof over her head, they put her through a school where she didn't fit in or could afford!" shouted Tsukasa in anger. "She had to be the one who had to work two jobs to support herself and her brother. Even then, she loved them."
"Tsukasa, if they hadn't sent her to Eitoku, you would have never met her. None of us would have ever met her," Shiguru reminded him in a soft voice.
Tsukasa's anger was at the situation more than anything else. He felt helpless. There was nothing he could really do for the person he loved the most.
*
The tsuya was at eight o' clock. Tsukushi and Yuki had arrived before everyone else. She helped set everything up. Unlike most tsuya, the guests were specifically told not to make a money offer. There was no need to. Yuki noticed how pale Tsukushi looked, despite her best efforts to hide the strain she was under. Tsukushi's eyes were dull, but not red.
Sammi came first. She had spent the day talking to her parents and Charlie. To them this was a family crisis as well. The Collins were very concerned about Tsukushi's well being. Charlie said that he'd try to come from the Middle East soon, but Sammi told him not come unless Tsukushi asks for him. Kin-san arrived with some more food.
There were flowers that were delivered by other relations. Shizuka had a wreath sent in as well along with a note. She wrote Tsukushi to call her. There were only a handful of guests invited. Tsukushi instructed Sammi to look over the flowers to make a note of who sent them and to send thank you cards later on.
The last two people to arrive were Susumu and Mariko. They were both dressed in black along with everyone else. Tsukushi and Susumu didn't even look at each other. The room felt colder because of it. Everyone else noticed, but said nothing about it. The distant between what was left of the Makino family was pulling them further and further apart.
There were no caskets, just pictures of their parents. The pictures were adorn with candles along with offerings for the dead. There were prayers recited in Japanese along with silent mediation and reflection of the dead. No one was really crying.
Everyone started to depart from the tsuya as quietly as they had come. Kin-san embraced Tsukushi tightly and whispered some reassurances into her ear before kissing her on the cheek. He embraced Susumu like a brother before he left.
Sammi embraced Tsukushi, but she only looked at Susumu and gave him a bow. She didn't know him well enough to give him a hug. She asked Tsukushi, if she was going to need her that night. Tsukushi shook her head.
Mariko didn't know what to say to Tsukushi. She could only whisper how sorry she was and she gave her a low bow. Susumu didn't say a word to his sister. However, Yuki told him during the tsuya that Tsukushi had planned the burial at a temple for tomorrow morning. He merely nodded in acknowledgement as he left the hall.
As soon as everyone else was gone, Tsukushi busied herself with cleaning up. Yuki couldn't keep the silence any longer. "You don't have to do that. Don't push yourself too hard. Let me take care of it," said Yuki.
Tsukushi froze in her place and in a quiet voice she said, "She used to tell me that. But, I didn't have much of a choice because she and Papa wanted me to marry a rich man. They wasted their money sending me to Eitoku. There were many times that I told them we'd have more than enough, if they would just let me go to your school. Funny how things never turn out the way you plan them."
"They were doing what they thought was best for you," said Yuki. "I always thought that you push yourself to hard anyway, Tsukushi."
"I had no choice. They were so irresponsible," muttered Tsukushi. "Why couldn't they just take care of me like they were supposed to?"
"It's my fault," admitted Yuki out loud as her eyes filled with tears. "It's really my fault, Tsukushi-chan."
Tsukushi's anger was override by her concern for Yuki. "What do you mean?" she asked as she faced her.
"I was the one who invited them to come to Tokyo that day. It was my idea. I spent the last two weeks planning it. I reserved them a room at the Maple, so that they could surprise you. I'm so sorry--if I hadn't invited them--they wouldn't have--"
Tsukushi cut Yuki off. "Don't blame yourself, Yuki. It was an accident. There's no reason to blame yourself. It was their choice to come, and it's not their fault either. So, don't beat yourself up over this," she whispered.
Yuki looked at her. Tsukushi wiped the tears off her face with her thumb. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. Things just happen. I'm only angry at myself."
"Do you forgive me?" asked Yuki.
"Yes," whispered Tsukushi as she hugged her. Yuki had a grateful smile on her face, but Tsukushi thought to herself, If only I could forgive myself.
*
The next morning, Tsukushi and Susumu met that temple. It was just the two of them and the Buddhist priest at the temple. Neither said a word to the other again. The priest was starting to think that they were complete strangers and not siblings. He could sense that there was something gravely wrong with them. He couldn't quite understand what the problem was.
He could tell that they were a rich family. Most people couldn't afford burials at the temples unless they had money for it. He thought it was so tragic, considering the ages of Tsukushi and Susumu. In the old priest's eyes, they were still children. Too young to have to go through anything like this. He left them as soon as the prayers were finished. the urns of the ashes of their parents were buried into the ground with grave markers in place.
Susumu was dressed in the same black suit he had worn to the tsuya the night before, while Tsukushi wore a black skirt and white blouse with a black overcoat. She wore sunglasses over her eyes just in case the press found out. Susumu kept his hands in his pockets, but he was the one who had carried their father's urn to the cemetery.
After some silence had passed, Susumu announced, "I'm going to school."
"You don't have go," said Tsukushi.
"I would rather go. I'm moving out of my apartment tomorrow. I'll be staying with Kin-san until I can get a job. You don't have to worry about me leeching off your much longer," said Susumu. "I'll pay for college as soon as the time comes. And I'll pay you back for Eirin later on."
Tsukushi didn't say a word as he left her. She understood what he was doing. It was something he needed to do. So, she stayed alone with her guards lingering nearby.
Off in the distance, her picture was being taken again. She took off her sunglasses as the wind whipped through her hair, taking his breath away.
After another fifteen minutes, Tsukushi received a call on her cell. It was Officer Hirata's number. She answered it. "Is the report finish?" she asked, getting to the point right away.
"Yes, it has been completed. However, you must come to the police station immediately. It requires some explaining."
"I'll be there," said Tsukushi as she dailed Sammi's number. "Sammi. I need you to come with me to the police station near that hospital."
"Okay, I'll meet you there," agreed Sammi.
Tsukushi walked back to the limo and told the guards where they had to go to next. The driver was informed. It was odd because Tsukushi couldn't remember the names of the guards. They were rotated too often for her to remember. She took one last look back at the temple before climbing into it with a heavier heart than before.
Tsukushi fell asleep on the way over. It had been the first time she had slept since that night. She usually had nightmares at when she slept. Of course, she hadn't been sleeping all that well since the trip to Okinawa. The guards served as a reminder of the danger she was in. The deaths of her parents had served as a distraction from the stalker for a while.
Sammi was waiting outside the police station for her. "What did Officer Hirata say?" she asked.
"He said that I had to come here to get the information," answered Tsukushi.
"How did it go at the temple?" asked Sammi.
Tsukushi sighed. "Not bad, but not good either. Let's get inside."
They were greeted by Officer Hirata himself. Tsukushi introduced Sammi and told him that she was staying for the report. They walked towards his office. "I did not know that you were Ringo Arisu," he said.
"It's my stage name. I would appreciate it, if you keep this under wraps for right now. The press will have a field day with this," requested Tsukushi.
"It is not our business to tell the press about an ongoing investigation," said Officer Hirata. "Besides, we find that the press would impede us more than help us."
Tsukushi looked more alert at his words, "ongoing investigation." She glanced at Sammi who gave her the same look. He closed the door behind them as he offered them seats in front of his desk. He had a folder on his desk, which he opened before continuing his explanation. "The investigative team found that the car had been tampered with," he said in a very quiet voice.
"What do you mean tampered with?" asked Tsukushi as she looked paler than before. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears.
"The main brake lines in the car were partially severed. With each time they were pushed, the cut grew deeper. The emergency brake lines were completely cut through. It is not an accident. It's a homicide," said Officer Hirata, knowing that Tsukushi was a very direct person.
"Wait...how can that be? The car's barely a year old. How can someone tamper with the brakes? It's a Lexus," insisted Tsukushi in a very quick voice.
"That's what the team can't figure out. It seems that whomever tampered with the car had the keys to it. It was the only way they could break into it," said Officer Hirata. "We need some information. Did your parents have any problems getting along with anyone? Did they have any enemies?"
Tsukushi shook her head. "Are you sure?" he insisted.
"Yes, I'm sure," said Tsukushi.
"Do you know who would have access to the keys?"
"I don't know. I've never been to the inn on Osaka. You'd have to ask the staff," said Tsukushi. "I don't know." She started to rub her temple.
"There is something," said Sammi.
"What?" asked Officer Hirata as he gazed at the British woman.
"She has a stalker," replied Sammi without pointing at Tsukushi.
Officer Hirata looked startled as he faced Tsukushi again. "A stalker?" he asked. "How long?"
Tsukushi took a deep breath and nodded. "For almost two years. It started in Europe. The stalker's tracked me here," admitted Tsukushi.
"That's why we've been trying to keep security around her at all times," said Sammi. "But, he's been harmless so far."
"I need names, Makino-san. I need information to help me solve this murder," said Officer Hirata.
"I don't know if I have anything that will help you," said Tsukushi. "But, I will try."
They spent the next hour making a list of people who might know anything about the stalker. Tsukushi gave just enough information to show that she wasn't holding anything back, but she was an actress after all. She had her own plan formulating in her head, but her strength was waning. By the end, she was drained of her energy completely.
Tsukushi allowed Sammi to take her home with security following closely behind. Before she went upstairs to her penthouse she said, "Sammi, I think I need Charlie to come after all."
Sammi nodded and waited for her to go inside her building before leaving for her flat. She felt a cold chill down her spine. She had ever right to. Someone was taking her picture the whole time. He smiled to himself. He hoped that Tsukushi found his present.
Tsukushi entered her apartment and found another manila envelope waiting for her. She stared at it for a moment. She went to the phone and thought of calling Officer Hirata, but decided against it. She picked it up and opened it. It was a black and white picture. There were digital markers at the bottom left-hand corner. It was dated the day of the concert at around eight in the morning. It was of her parents walking towards the car in the rain.
A chill went down her spine with trembling hands she flipped it over. Someone had used newspaper letters and glued to the back:
"I will take you apart. Piece by piece."
The picture slipped out of her hands as she sank to the floor. She was unable to cry. Her body wouldn't stop shaking as she looked around her. She realized that the stalker had been inside her penthouse. She wanted to scream, but she found her voice was lost.
The stalker finally managed do something he had been unable to do before. He had managed to hurt her. He discovered her real weakness.
*
More days passed from the day of the burial and the F4 had spent most of their time trying to reach Tsukushi, but she was no longer responding. It seemed as if she had closed herself off to everyone. They had sent flowers to the tsuya, but it wasn't enough. They were all worried, especially Tsukasa and Rui.
Tsukasa was taking his usual forceful approach into looking for her to see her. Gaia Records wasn't budging. The news had managed to stay away from the press due to the fact that Tsukushi had been smart enough to tell the hospital staff her real family name, instead of Ringo Arisu.
Rui took a quieter, less direct approach. If Tsukushi didn't want to see anyone, forcing her was pointless. He decided instead to show some respect to her parents and quietly looked for their burial place to pay them a visit. It was something he had to do. He didn't know them that well, but they were the people who had created Tsukushi. It was more than enough reason to visit them and pay his respects to them.
Little did he know that Tsukushi visited their graves everyday without fail. The least amount of time she spent was an hour, but she spent hours on end alone at their graves. On the day that he visited, Tsukushi left to go and get something from the nearby shrine before returning to her parents. It was the only place in the world where she could feel safe. She wasn't really safe anywhere.
Rui parked his car nearby and looked around until he saw a gardener. The gardener was kind enough to give directions to the Makino's graves. There weren't many people who could afford to be buried that close to the temple. He walked over there and lay the flowers at the grave markers.
He had heard many things about them from Tsukushi and had observed many instances himself. He never really believed that they were bad people. They just wanted a better life like anyone else, but more importantly they wanted their daughter to have a good life. He closed his eyes for a moment as he gave a silent prayer.
When he opened his eyes, he saw her standing nearby. He looked at her without saying a word. "What are you doing here, Rui?" she asked in a whisper. Her hair hung lose, revealing long layers of straight hair. It looked a little limp. Her face was clear, but slightly shiny. She didn't bother with make up. Her brown eyes looked duller than he had ever seen them. She was dressed in a simple white knit top and a black skirt with flat shoes. She looked tragically beautiful.
"I came here to pay my respects," replied Rui after a moment's silence so that he could take her. It looked like a good strong wind could knock her over at any time.
"I didn't expect to see anyone here other than me," said Tsukushi.
"We tried calling you," said Rui. "Tsukasa's really worried."
"I know. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now," whispered Tsukushi.
"Then maybe, I should go. I'm sorry to bother you," said Rui, but he couldn't move. He couldn't just leave her. "You know how much I care about you. I am always here when you need. You used to trust me, Tsukushi."
Tsukushi attempted a smile, but failed. "I know. Sometimes, I forget," she said. She knelt down at the grave markers and put the charms she had purchased. "Thank you for coming."
"I didn't come here because I though you'd be here. I came here to give the flowers," said Rui. "They're from my mother's gardens at home. She has a small greenhouse."
"They're beautiful," said Tsukushi as she touched the delicate petals. "I'm sure they like them. You know I have come here everyday since they were buried."
Rui didn't say anything. He stood there just listening to her voice. He listened to the words and the pain behind. He closed his eyes because her pain was so tangible that it was in the air. "It makes it look like I am a good daughter, doesn't it? But, it's a lie," she whispered as she touched the graves.
"I come here everyday because it's the only thing I can do now. It's sort of futile. Too little, too late."
"It's never too late to show someone you love them," whispered Rui.
"That's not true, if they're dead. I did something horrible. Something that can't be forgiven," confessed Tsukushi without looking at him. She placed her hand on top of her father's grave marker. "I decided to let my father die. I didn't have a choice, Rui. Susumu doesn't understand. I had to do it. It was the only thing I could do. It was my decision and my own alone. But he doesn't understand."
Rui didn't say a word as he came down to her level. He put his hand on her shoulder to ease her trembling. "He doesn't understand. Making that decision broke my heart. I had to do it for him, too. Because I knew he couldn't make that decision. It had to be mine. Because..."
She stopped unable to finish her sentence.
"Because of what, Tsukushi?" asked Rui.
She gazed at him. "Because I didn't want him to hate himself because of that decision. I didn't want my younger brother to live like that. I would rather have him hate me than hate himself. It's hard to live with yourself. It is easier to hate someone else than it is to hate yourself. I know."
Rui saw a tear creep down her cheek. He moved to wipe it way, but she batted his hand away and wiped it away. "I used to believe that as long as my parents were there I had time to go home. I come here because it's all I can do. It seems like everything that matters to me I either destroy or lose completely."
Rui remembered the time that Tsukasa was stabbed. Tsukushi said that every time she reached for his hand, something pulled her back. "I have tried. I have picked up my life and rebuilt before. But, starting over too hard. I can't do it again, Rui. I'm so tired of everything. I don't know if I can keep this up."
"You have always risen above it all," whispered Rui. "I don't doubt that you can do it again."
Her body started to shake. "You don't understand. It's because of me. There is no one else to blame. I was the one who pushed them away. I was the one who walked out on my family. I am the one to blame. I brought this upon them. It was me," whispered Tsukushi. Rui wrapped her in a warm embrace. "I'm scared of losing what I have left."
The air caught up around them. Her fear was just as tangible as her pain. He could feel it. He couldn't say anything to comfort her. He couldn't understand how she felt. How could he possible know?
Rui could see that the Makino family was completely devastated. What was left was slowly falling apart. Tsukushi hadn't just lost her parents, but her brother as well. Her whole world was shaken apart. Her faith had been shaken. Little did either of them know that they were just in the middle of the storm. It was far from over.
AN: Everyone grieves a different way. Tsukushi doesn't do what most people would have expected because this situation is completely different than anything she's ever had to deal with. Susumu's reaction is natural, while Yuki's is out of grief and guilty. The person who's hurt the most is Tsukushi. The word "tsuya" means a wake, but in this case a Japanese style wake. There is usually an offering made to the family to help pay for the burial of their loved ones.
Now, everyone don't bite my head off over the Rui and Tsukushi scene (although someone of you might have actually liked it). However, you have to think of their history. They have always been a source of comfort in times of great need, like when Rui first broke up with Shizuka, Tsukushi in New York, and the stabbing of Tsukasa. They have always been each other's rock and ballast. This why they will always be friends. That's why I expected her hold it in until Rui came in to help her.
I am proud to say that I can tell you that the psych stuff here is at least 90% accurate. I did get an A in Personality (which included a whole section on Freud and psychoanalyst). Besides, grieving is a process that cannot be done overnight, even with Tsukushi's fighting spirit. The stalker's a real piece of work, isn't he?
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Disclaimer: I don't own Hana Yori Dango.