Depend On You

By Hotaru

Author's Notes:  Okay, I'm guilty of not updating as often and as promptly as I should.  My three other stories, Wasurenaide, Heartbreak Café, and Heaven Help Me have been put in the back burner for a while (though I intend to continue all the stories) for the same reason that April and May are VERY busy school months for me (no summer break, so it kinda sucks that I have to work, I'm so lazy you know!!!)   Anyway, I'll try to write more when I have time.  Again, thanks to all those who've read this far, especially to Sandy, Spam, and Hikari Kage.  I will post my responses to your reviews in the next chapter, but for now, THANKS AGAIN TO ALL THE REVIEWERS OUT THERE!!!  You inspire me so much. ^_^

FAN FIC SPOILER ALERT!!!!:  If you don't wanna know some of the details in the next chapters, DON'T READ!!!! But for some reviewers out there who'd been asking questions via e-mail, rather than through the Fanfiction. Net review network, here are my answers.  (It's OKAY for you to send your reviews through e-mail if you want some privacy.  I'm not obsessed with counting reviews anyway…All I want to know is that people are enjoying this fic.  ^_^)  However, I can't disclose as many details as you want, without killing the suspense for the other readers.  I'm sure you guys understand ^_^.

            Anyway, the only reason I'm posting these reviews/questions and answers in public is to be transparent about my own views (though I've got to admit that doing this is helluva lot easier than sending replies via-email for each and every reader ^_^).  In fact, even negative reviews appear below.  

Oh, and don't worry, the NEW CHAPTER, as well as the REVISED portions of the last chapter are posted below… so here goes…!!!     

Q:  You said a lot of things about OOC stuff but there's hardly any difference between K&K here and the K&K we're already familiar with, from the TV series and the manga. 

A:  First of all, putting in an OOC element, for me, does NOT mean putting somebody else's words in the characters' mouths or fitting them in other people's shoes even if that'd make them interesting. For example, for Kenshin to be Kenshin, he must still be CAPABLE, to a large extent, of thinking and feeling as the original Kenshin thinks and feels, even if the actual ideas and emotions are different from what have been explored in the original... In my fic's case, I've decided to focus on the contradictions, rather than consistencies in the creation of the RRK characters.  For example, the original Kenshin participated in the most violent revolution that altered the history of Japan, yet, he was one to believe that violence is not an effective means of changing society, or the human heart.  He loves Kaoru, but the evidence of a non-fading scar seems to suggest that his feelings for Tomoe were just as intense, and will never be forgotten (Aaaargh, one point for Tomoe fans out there!!!!)  The worst thing was, he chose his atonement over Kaoru and Kenji (in the OAV series at least) only to realize in the end that atonement does not bring true happiness—only forgetting does, for in forgetting, we regain our capacity to remember what is essential to the human spirit—love, of course, being the most important of these (mush, I know...^_^)              

Ironically, the TV series is so optimistic you can't help seeing Kenshin as the smiling rurouni who doesn't seem to be capable of leaving a young wife and her son behind (So the OAV sort of makes you wanna hurl tomatoes at Kenshin for being so insensitive, because he'd rather look after somebody else's welfare than his family's as if they don't need him at all blah blah blah... yet, it's obvious that the writer did some excellent research in Zen Buddhism and the political/psychological atmosphere of the Meiji era, because Kenshin reflected all of that—the pessimism of the times, the economic and political depression—the philosophy that happiness, like human destiny requires no god, but must be earned through self-sacrifice, i.e. deprivation of all sorts of pleasures, mostly carnal)  Anyway, my point is, the OAV is a grand example of developing an OOC that extends, explores, (and reconciles) any one of the potential ironies and inconsistencies in the original storyline—such as the conflict between personal happiness, which is worldly, and true enlightenment, which requires that happiness be sought in the next life, through suffering and deprivation (explaining why Kenshin truly "smiled" at the end of the OAV when his ultimate suffering, and death, finally allowed him to earn the right to be happy).  Theoretically, therefore, a Kenshin in an A/U fic remains to be Kenshin only in so far as he violates everything BUT an essential attribute that defines his character through and through—that is, as the OAV, the TV series, and the manga showed, Kenshin sort of came through everything despite his own little follies and limitations, to prove how much he loved the most important people in his life...                           

In much the same way, Kenshin's character in my fic revolves around emotional conflicts, and the OOC part is where the emotional conflict has been altered to explore how the original character may react if the circumstances were different... And since I'm a terribly loyal K&K fan, I decided to make Kaoru just as confused and complicated ^_^  For example, Kenshin here is much like the original—he believes in both karma and free will, he's  brave and self-sacrificing and all that, but unlike the original in some respects, Kenshin's loyalty and "devotion" (his name also means that, right?) is ultimately questioned. 

I find this fascinating because in the original, there's no question where his loyalty lies.  He chose Kaoru, and to prove it, had fought the last person he wanted to fight to defend her, which makes up the twist of the story because it takes a "greater" amount of love to transcend so much heartache and guilt (Yup!!! One point for Kaoru-dono!!!).  To some extent, Tomoe's role was very "instrumental" to showing how Kenshin's feelings for Kaoru can, in fact, be strong enough to unshackle him from previous other loyalties and commitments (After all, it wouldn't be true love if it can't overcome something as catastrophic as the memory of killing one's first love, neh???).  The only compensation for Tomoe fans, I guess, was his little speech that the past won't be forgotten—and I'm glad Noburo Watsuki was quite fair to Tomoe on that level, because the graveyard part was just too painful (if I were a Tomoe fan, I would have cried).  It made clear that Kenshin had to say goodbye because he had moved on, and moving on meant leaving Tomoe behind, and taking his place beside Kaoru.        

I don't know why, but I find it rather funny and disturbing, imagining how the real Kenshin might behave if Tomoe and Kaoru co-existed, and developed attachments to him in rather different ways.  I think Kenshin's real feelings for Tomoe had never really been fully explored in the OAV, the TV series and the manga, because Kenshin's own insight about his feelings could only be too clouded by guilt to allow him to articulate in any way what those real feelings might have been, even if he were to be completely honest.  Once you acknowledge that ambiguity, you'd realize that Kenshin's depth of feelings for Kaoru, can also be questioned.  So I guess in an A/U fic where the two women retained most of their essential qualities—minus Tomoe's "obsession" with revenge, and Kaoru's "tomboyishness"—one can more fully appreciate the reason why Kenshin MIGHT choose one of these two, over the other...

The story of course, should be something more than just a treatise on the K&K love angle, because it would be too shallow and sappy if it's only that (Gosh... I love sappy though—sometimes!!!!) Also, I added Aoshi and Misao, as well as Sano and Megumi because an RK fic, won't be a fic, without these very important people, I guess ^_^!!!  Anyway, I think the "real" problem in RK is more than a problem of CHOICE.  In the original, the choice seems to be motivated more by circumstance, than character—Kenshin had more in common with Tomoe, but she's dead and Kaoru's around—but my argument is, Kenshin's CHOICE had to do more with who he is, and an essential part of who he really is can only be explored in a fic that doesn't play up the impossibility of choosing one woman over the other (Like Tomoe being dead, or really evil, or cheating on Kenshin, or in love with Akira, or simply non-existent, --situations which amputate the problem by making it "naturally" impossible for Kenshin to be in love with her). 

In any case, it can be my poor writing skills, but I think a lot of this explains why the plot drags on, as a lot of you complain about.  I don't think I can explore this angle if the story is plot-oriented in the first place.  It's built on developing character tensions, and tensions are by nature, internally motivated, although external events have a big role in determining where those tensions would lead.  You might disagree, but I think those tensions were prematurely treated by Watsuki (I love the author though, so don't flame!!!! And I don't blame him—I mean, comic book stories are almost always plot-oriented, and if it's intended for a male audience, well, you know what I mean ^_^ sorry for males out there, though!!!!).  In any case, I feel the NEED to understand the reason behind that choice as having more profound implications—WHY Kenshin would choose one woman over the other even if they are equal in strength and weakness in a lot of ways (Like Tomoe's beautiful, she's a good cook but she's also got bad blood—having a brother with "nerves of insanity" might prove that—while Kaoru's got a bad temper, she's a bad cook, but she's innocent in a lot of ways, and strong-hearted in more than a lot of ways).  Besides, I'm confident that there's something more to the couple (whether K&K or K&T) than what we see on the surface, and THAT might just be a very strong reason to admire them more than any other in the anime universe ...       

Q:  Is Batousai in this fic evil?  Linay's Battousai is sooo interesting because his violent nature seems to show that he's almost that—but not quite.

A:  No.  My Battousai is not "evil"—just confused maybe.  Just like the original Battousai, he thought he could kill for the love of his country (yeah, more wincing later!!!) and though it's almost an outmoded philosophy in the modern times, well, Battousai goes to prove that some people still believe in changing the world and succeeding (count me in!!!!^_^).  Suffice to say though, his violence is not part of his nature, but it's necessary for the job.  In this light, I'm not introducing a lot of OOC because that's REALLY part of the original characterization.  As Tomoe in the OAV said so astutely, "When he's not killing anyone, he's too kind…"  That's the Battousai I will love forever, I guess—the Battousai who can't hurt a fly, much less women, unless they happen to carry a sword and threaten to kill him.  ^_^

Q:  Will Kaoru attempt to kill Kenshin in the future? How?

A:  Secret!!!  Gods, why do you have to ask even THAT???  What you should know, though, is the fact that Kaoru and Kenshin share the same nature when their killing instincts are aroused—which explains why they have similar amber eyes!!!  But something more powerful than both of them is coming fast, and Saitou had just given us clues as to what the abilities of this enemy are--abilities which allowed him/her to manipulate our beloved couple…  The triumvirate will soon be complete…  Aaargh…. You made me tell!!!!  ^_^

Q:  Is Kaoru gonna be wimpy for the rest of the story?  How many times would she have to get killed to make Kenshin realize his feelings for her?

A:  No, she's not another Jean Grey in that respect (i.e. the X-woman Marvel comic hero, if I recall correctly, died more times than I could count) but I must say that Kaoru's bound to make a lot of sacrifices, for which I think she deserves some credit (aaargh…feminists hurling tomatoes at me, make them stop!!!!!) 

Seriously though, sacrifice is NOT a sign of being wimpy and Kaoru has her earthshaking reasons for making such sacrifices, but none of them include seducing Kenshin or arousing his pity and affection.  In fact, she made it possible for Kenshin and Tomoe to meet, right?  How she did that will be revealed later, but think about this—Why would she even think of manipulating circumstances to make K/T end up being together when she has obvious feelings for Kenshin?  For that matter, why does she seem to accept Kenshin's relationship with Tomoe so readily? (i.e. she mentioned Tomoe's name at least twice, in connection with Kenshin's relationship with the woman.)  She obviously knows something about our dear Kenshin which he doesn't know about yet, and whatever she does on the basis of that knowledge is bound to be more mysterious as the plot thickens.  What is more interesting is when Kenshin DOES find out!!!!  Whaaaa!!!! I can't wait for it to happen…  How will he react when he finds out that Kaoru wanted he and Tomoe to be together just because----- OOOpppsss… no more major spoilers, gomen!!!! ^_^      

So, if you start thinking about real strength, you can say that in this fic's case, consciousness is the real battleground—not some physical arena where dashing hunks with fast guns and killer swords rule.  And that's precisely where I want Kaoru's true strength to be…

Q:  What's wrong with Kaoru?  Does she have a "fear complex"?  Why does she waver between wanting to be with Kenshin and wanting to escape him, as in the first few chapters?

A:  Well as for Kaoru's "fear complex," it sounds like she's suffering from some abnormality but really, she's hardly normal here—even genius isn't normal!!! Anyway, all I can say for now is Kaoru's afraid of something only she and a handful of people know about… Could it have something to do with future possibilities that have threatening consequences should they be actualized?  Perhaps.  This might be the reason why K/K's meeting was full of tension—and why, as you guys say, Kaoru tried to escape Kenshin only to feel relieved when he came to her rescue.  Her meeting with Kenshin was supposed to be a sign that one of those "frightening" possibilities was slowly being fulfilled … possibilities she's not prepared to divulge to Kenshin, nor allow herself to submit to.   The problem is, once possibilities have started to become actualized, you can't really struggle against compulsions taking over to make that possibility a reality, so our Kaoru ends up being confused about her real motives for wanting to be with our dear Kenshin, and as we all know, confusion leads to inaction.  So Kaoru may have her misgivings but try as she might, she can't get away from Kenshin—and observing Kenshin, I think he's having the same problem (Hah!!! More torture for the love birds!!! ^_^) Anyway, the abruptness in the dialogue between K/K in chap. 8 should indicate what happens when you've got unconscious bonds surfacing after years of alienation.  You end up sounding "familiar" and feeling things that seem to be out of place…                               

Q:  How come there aren't OOCs and lemons yet?  Linay's good at handling that stuff at least—especially the romance-violence angle. 

A:  I agree with you guys a 101%. Linay's SOOO GOOOD there's no debate on that.  However, if you're asking about bathroom/bathtub scenes, about hair pulling, about Kenshin fighting off potential Kaoru rapists in smoky teahouses, or Kaoru being too goddamn drunk to be responsible for flirting outrageously with our poor tormented Battousai (i.e. like changing sexes is okay so long as it depends on water temperature), then I'd like to tell you that as much as I have no right to judge other writer preferences, I DON'T GO FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF AS A FIC WRITER.  That doesn't mean of course that I hate naughty stuff—or that I'm too much of a moralist to appreciate some refreshing, harmless bit of imaginative fun.  I swear that some naughty stuff I do fantasize about includes the carwashing scene involving a very wet Kaoru and a lovestruck Kenshin in one of Aya Komiyama's fanfics.  (She recently finished it, and I was so happy about how everything turned out ^_^!!!!)  (Carwash, carwash, wince, blink, wince…… geez, I wonder how many guys actually fantasize about that????) 

Anyway, I guess you're right.  It's a matter of handling stuff and I'm still learning.  My stand on any fic I write has always been RESTRAINT—maybe I'm not handling it well so there's a lot of repetition and the plot drags, I admit ^_^--demo, going back to the topic, this is why even if "Heaven Help Me" has lots of OOC, it doesn't go beyond Kenshin's verbal insults for Kaoru—no physical beating, it upsets me, though, honestly, most good writers I've read do incorporate a lot of sexual violence in their fics.  Anyway, if you're fascinated by it, well, that's your issue and there's no reason why I should even be worried so long as you don't translate it into something real (DON'T FLAME!!! I'm just giving an honest opinion okay???).  Anyway, as I've always said, I'm not THAT young anymore to consider violence exciting, or had seen enough violence to make me want to imagine it on anyone—even anime characters!  

More importantly, I think suspense should not be interpreted simply as a matter of delaying sexual gratification, and for the love of K&K I hope that you guys understand how loving a character means thinking the way they do, rather than making them think the way you would... ^_^                   

This is the reason why I can't help if my plot drags—I don't want my chapters to be mere changes of scenery where Kenshin and Kaoru have nothing more interesting to do than fight, make up and make love.  Lemons are interesting, I agree definitely, but the story must make them interesting, rather than the other way around... For that matter, I think other characters in the RK universe deserve to be other than an interesting back drop, or a momentary distraction to where the romance/sexual episode is going.  Unfortunately, some of the best writers I know in the fanfic field seem to focus on sexual violence as the main plot of the story, fitting each character into roles that simply enhance or prolong the deployment of even more violence and sex in the story.   This doesn't mean that the narrative style, the delivery, becomes less admirable.  However, I believe that anime characters should be respected and that while OOCs or "Out of Character" elements should give writers enough room for originality, it shouldn't be an excuse for fitting Kenshin and Kaoru into roles that have no other connection to the original RK universe other than their names and faces.  And if a writer's intention is simply to use the names to conjure the image, but not the soul, then s/he does not only devalue her or his readers, but also the original creation and its creator...          

For fans out there who say otherwise, please don't shoot me for this.  I'm not earning anything from writing fanfics and will gain nothing by upsetting anyone, including your favorite writers.  Though my personal feelings are deeply involved in any of the opinions above, my motives for discussing them are hardly personal—more in the direction of clarifying and explaining my OWN issues, not to mention my limits.  Besides, at our age, we should know what to like and believe in, and I'm not the type to spend a lot of time convincing people about anything.  Also, please consider the fact that this is not directed to ANY fan out there but to readers who wanted me to discuss these issues… I think they deserve an honest opinion, and I'm ready to risk everything for that.  If you're offended, I apologize, and I hope you understand my reasons.  (Sweatdrops)  Gomen nasai!!!  ^_^       

REVISION ALERT:  There are some parts which I've revised based on some of the reviews I got.  Below are extracts showing the revised portions—some of them quite crucial like Kenshin's feelings for Tomoe while he was thinking of Kaoru—yeah, I know, I've sort of neglected Tomoe and Misao in the last few chapters—GOMEN!!!  Anyway, thanks if you can find the time to read them!!!!

REVISIONS (Chapter 8):

"Look, Toshima…" Kenshin hissed, eyes matching the glint of the long sword.  "I don't give a fuckin' shit about you and your problems, but if you won't tell me where Dr. Genzai is—"

"You expect me to know where he is???" Toshima laughed sarcastically, eyes meeting the swordsman's death glare.  "You're the one screwing the JBI, you're the one who hurt Kaoru, you're a demon and you can go to hell for all I care!!!! In fact, there's nothing more I want than to see you die and rot in hell, you bloody fucking bastard!!!"

Kenshin's eyes narrowed, taking in the abrupt display of emotion that only made him more edgy for some reason.

Not that what the doctor said was true.

But it wasn't entirely false, either.

After all, he did hurt the girl, didn't he???  He let them hurt her…

Perhaps even kill her…

Because he allowed her to get in his way…to take the pain meant for him…

But why?  Why did she risk her life to save him?  What did he do to deserve her pity?

Pity…  

He couldn't be sure… Then again, there couldn't be any other reason… except maybe, the girl's naïve compassion for all of humanity…which shouldn't include him…

After what he had done, he had no claim to humanity, or what's become of it…

Kenshin looked down, wondering at those thoughts, those questions… wondering at the silent sleeper in his arms, whose face looked strangely at peace…

He remembered the fear in her eyes when she first had seen him, the flashes of hate and contempt that marred it when she was attacked by a man in the alley, and the look of absolute loss when she fell in his arms…

It almost seemed like she wanted to die…

But death is an eternity with neither a beginning nor end…

He felt cold sweat trickle down his nape. 

Death.  He too had wished it for himself before he met Tomoe… 

Iie…This is not the time to think about death Kamiya…Someday you will find someone to live for…

Just like me, you would have to find your answer…your own truth…

This is not the end…       

He lowered his sword, eyes hovering thoughtfully, mind contemplating the odds as his eyes brought him back to his present surroundings…  

He didn't have much time.

His world had always been dark.  Tiring.  The darkness, the despair, the endless nightmares that never saw the light…     

It was all so tiring…

She wanted to get away from it all…to escape him…to escape the memories that she had to share with him every minute and every second of her waking life…

That was the price she had to pay.

But now, there would be no more of that.  She can stay here in this endless sunlight…this perfect world where there will be no one to call to her, no one to hurt her, no one she could hurt…

*Just a dream… *

She grabbed her head, wanting the voice to stop.

*Just a dream… *

Demo…Why can't I just stay here???  It's what I've always wanted…this dream where I can finally be alone…

I just want to be alone… Why can't people just leave me alone???

*You've always been alone… And that is what hurts you the most isn't it?*

Her lips trembled.

*You don't want to be alone, Kaoru.  You don't have to be alone… *  

Above her, the sun shone through an infinite white and blue, the splendor almost blinding in radiance.  But something in it made her wince away, flinch away…

It was empty.  The infinite blue was empty. 

As empty as her soul…

Kenshin…

If she remained with him, she would have to face the consequences… The loneliness, the pain, everything he felt, everything he suffered and endured would be hers and hers alone…

Pain shared is pain halved…

She felt herself sinking into a vast, bottomless darkness, the well of memories in her mind drowning her, suffocating her…  

*Face it Kaoru…you don't want to be alone… *

She looked up, forcing her mind to reach out through the infinite barrier of space above her… through and above the infinite shadows…

Kenshin…

Amber eyes.  Blood.  Hate. Despair.  Darkness.

Kenshin…

Death…

Healing…

Kenshin…

Katsura fell to his seat, eyes glaring at the single bullet held between trembling fingertips.   "Torture?  Don't you think that's a little unlikely?  For one thing, how was the tracker to know those two would survive, given the risks? There's just too much room for error in that kind of undertaking, making the logic totally insupportable, Saitou.  Unless of course, the people behind all this madness had reasons to know…maybe even predict the consequences…"

Katsura stopped, eyes dilating, his stare more than enough to indicate what he failed to say in words.   Before him, Saitou stood, eyes gleaming with uncanny satisfaction, like he had just confirmed a brilliant insight that's been festering in his mind for so long.

"Indeed, Secretary Katsura…" Whoever the tracker was, he had reasons to know… and those reasons may be akin to a gift that allows him to predict the future…

That much is clear at least…

Too bad Himura has yet to know his true enemies…

And I thought I was the only one…

Now, on with the story…

Chapter 9:  Heavenly Blue 

Your nearness

Is as unreachable

As the depth of a raindrop

Falling into the ocean

Of my restless fear.

 

Darkness moved in strides as a lone figure stood in the shadows, contemplating silence.

A step.  A cold wind blowing strands of blue-black hair across narrowed eyes that stared into the depths of a shadowed emptiness racing towards oblivion.

Not this time, Himura.  You've run out of luck...

Shinomori aimed.

15 meters... 17..... 18....

He had never been less than accurate.  Coldly precise and accurate.  A tracker never can be less.

That was his job.

No.  That was what he lived for.  To be the best.  Miyu Tsukiyama never could take his obsession... then again... she would never live to see it.

Now, he had nothing else to live for... save the goal that would have had meaning if she were alive to witness it.

Alive.  That was the problem. 

She's dead.   

But this is not the time to think about the past.  Even if it included Himura.   Even if...

She died because Himura wasn't good enough to get the job done. 

To think that Miyu even trusted him...

Perhaps she did more than that even...

Shinomori closed his eyes and waited.

That was his one talent that no one else—not even the JIB's top assassin—could ever compete with.

His sense of anticipation.

His sense of hearing.  Needless to say, a tracker of his caliber can shoot a target 50 meters from his position by just taking in the sound.  The silence.  The movement of a heartbeat.  The sound of muscle struggling against time and distance.

And he could hear him now.

Fear.  Himura was not the kind to know fear.  That was the only reason why he had never been able to use his skill effectively against the ex-assassin.

No fear, no heartbeat, no sound.  Just the cold, raging silence of determination.

That was Himura.  That was precisely what made him better...

But not now.  Oh, he could hear it alright.

The heartbeat that betrayed only too much... It was almost...

Nauseating.

Because she was just a hostage that was more of a burden than an advantage to him.  Why fear for her life, why struggle against the compulsion to stand his ground and face him, the way he did ten years ago?  To think that the ex-assassin should even have emotions at all... and for someone...

Someone he wasn't supposed to protect...

Should I let you die by your own hands, Himura? That a killer such as yourself should even be anywhere near Kamiya... A danger, which I think you fail to comprehend...

Then again, perhaps, you're better off not knowing the truth...

Because it can AND will kill you...

Not that I have any objections to that.

After all, even if Miyu told me not to blame you, I will always have you to hate, if only to remember her by...            

And that is what I'm here for...

To make you remember that you are mine to kill when I want you to die.

30 meters, 32... 33...34...

Not too close, and not too far...  I don't want to blow your brains out, Himura.  I have my instructions and your death is not in it.

Not yet.  Because that's for me to decide.

35 meters, 38... 40... 42... 45...

Aiming at any target within a 50 meter range is easy.

But Aoshi Shinomori, Special Operations Unit, Tracker B-22 knew only too well that not killing Himura would require more than accuracy to accomplish.

It would require willpower—the desire to overcome instincts and compulsions that have been driven to hate for ten years.

47... 49...

Let's see you fly this time, Battousai...

Because that's the only thing you can do to help me not to kill you...   

. . . . . . . . . . .

 

 "You told me they would be safe…"

Hiko paced the room, a glass of wine held tentatively between fingertips.  "I don't think that's exactly what I said…"

"Well then what did you say?  And would it matter now?  All I want is to have my daughter back.  You said ten years…"

"Ten years, Lady Kamiya, is not such a long time…"

"Ten years is enough.  That was the agreement.  And I am not one who lets people change their minds in the last minute…"

Hiko saw the glimmer in the woman's face—those blue eyes that stood sharply against pale, ivory-white skin.  Years had not changed her beauty—if it, in fact, did anything remotely akin to change, it made her even more beautiful. 

And dangerous.  He shook his head, taking a long sip.

"We have intervened with Fate long enough as it is.  Maybe this is how we must suffer to pay the price…"

"You don't need to believe in Fate to suffer, Hiko-san.  I thought you've accepted that as I did."

"I accept nothing, believe nothing.  I thought you knew."

She laughed, a laugh that was sad, almost tearful.  "You haven't changed, anata… you haven't changed a single bit since we—"

A knock on the door caused both to turn their head towards the sound.  Muttering a soft curse under his breath, Hiko opened the door, glass still balanced in one hand.

"This better be good."

The young man bowed, sweat damping his black uniform.  "From Shinomori sir."

Hiko took the envelope, closing the door shut on the man's face.

"What is it?"

"Shinomori," Hiko told her, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as he folded the note and slipped it into his breast pocket.  "He's found Kaoru Kamiya."

"Are you sure she's safe with him?"

"You didn't let me finish."

"What do you mean?"

Hiko turned to her, putting his half-emptied glass down.  "Himura still has your daughter.  And if the man's as stubborn as the boy I had known him to be, he's not gonna give in without a fight, no matter the odds.  And we both know the reason, don't we?"

Lady Kamiya sighed, folding her fan, her kimono dress of peach silk rustling as she moved towards the bay window, eyes toward a gray-patched sky. 

"That is one thing that cannot be allowed… We didn't wait this long only for this..."

"Don't you think I know enough about that?"

"Hai, but to protect my daughter's destiny, I'm ready to face all odds—even kill Himura myself if he gets in the way…"

"I doubt that would be possible… We may not know anything about Himura's feelings, but I can't say much about the girl… Arouse her anger and she will be too much—even for the both of us…"

"I assure you that she wouldn't go against my wishes…" 

"Still, you'd have Himura to worry about.  He's not someone to stand aside once he learns the truth."

"He doesn't have to know."

"If there is something to regret, that would be it…"

"We can't afford regrets, Seijuro... just as we can't afford 'us'.  If we did… "

"If we did, all hell will break loose.  And in a choice between two necessities, suffering is inevitable…"

Lady Kamiya approached him, fingertips grazing his cheek tenderly, softly, with a feather-like lightness that made him tremble with repressed urgency. 

"Hai…demo…just as we've endured, they will endure.  For their sake more than anything."

"For their sake… It's a contradiction they will not appreciate itoshii… in much the same way we didn't…and couldn't…"

. . . . . . . . . .       

He thought he swore for the last time, but he was wrong.

Shinomori's eyes bored into him, and he could feel it—the aura that told him how much the tracker wanted to get him this time.

So pick up your ass and move it.  She can't be THAT heavy—and you're not that old to complain anyway.   

Kenshin cursed as the last of those thoughts dwindled away, letting him focus on more urgent matters this time.  Not that his concentration had been anything less than efficient.  But he would have to admit that his mind had been on other things...

The girl.  The glass could have stabbed her in a dozen places, and it was more than enough to keep him distracted.

Distractions always get in the way, and he hated it.  Because it made him hate other things.

Like glass.

I know the damn thing's gonna hurt her like hell...

Running.

Because bullets are a hundred times faster...  

And Aoshi Shinomori.

The bastard who'd shoot his own mother if she happens to cross his line of fire...   

Kenshin winced at the thought.  He remembered the kodachi that the man used to carry with him in better days... deadly knives that had far better aim than guns, and far better speed than bullets.  Except that the traditional weapons couldn't be more effective when it comes to killing.

And he and Shinomori had that in common.  The prerogative to kill.  Mere swordplay is unacceptable in their line of duty.      

Unlike Shinomori though, he had kept to his sword after his first retirement.

It was more of a joke.  An ex-assassin carrying a sword?  But what really got to him was the idea that until now, people expected him to kill.  The JIB at least, was more than willing to give him his old job—under a different name.

He could still kill... But he had promised Tomoe...

It was a half-truth he wouldn't readily admit because he knew far better than his conscience that Tomoe had really nothing to do with it.

No, it had more to do with himself.

As he had told Misao Makimachi that night, killing shouldn't be so easy...

Because ease means a natural drive to kill... And he can't accept that about anyone.  Even about himself.  

Killing had given him nothing but nightmares.  When he was alone, each night was a living hell. 

At least until he had met Tomoe...

For that, he should give her proper credit. 

With her, those nightly visitors had become more tolerable.  He would still see them, taste and smell the blood spilling into his half-awaked consciousness, like an endless waterfall.  But she had been his anchor, the only thing that held his sanity when fears threaten to sweep it back into the currents of self-doubt and annihilation.

With Tomoe, he was able to forget... even partially...

But deny as he might, it made him guilty to think of her this way.  That he had actually used her to forget... to lull him into a dreamless distraction where the mind may lose itself to a calling more intimate but unjustified...

Unjustified because its motives were questionable...

Unjustified because he had allowed his weakness to take from her what he could not return...

 But that would almost suggest the unthinkable...

That he didn't love her enough, or know her enough to know what to love...

And THAT had always kept him from surrendering all of him to her completely... the way she had always done... and always will, perhaps...

But to admit the fault, but not the crime of using it to get what he wanted, was almost criminal in itself...

That he could have used her...  It was an idea too unfair to her to deserve further thought.

Shit.  Why can't you just keep on running and think about that later? 

He had a mind to curse himself with an entirely new vocabulary of his own invention when he sensed it.

Damn you Shinomori.

The aim was precise, and the shot even more so...  Just imagining it pierced his senses like bullet against rice paper.   

But that was far from what really drew his attention this time. 

There was another... another presence—a familiar one—and it could be the ONLY reason why reality had not caught up with his imagination.

In other words, the shot didn't come as he had anticipated...

But to stop Shinomori from doing what he did would be almost courting death itself...

Then again...

Whoever thought of standing in his way must be either too damned stupid to know what she was doing, or just conceited enough to believe she was better than the devil himself... 

He froze.  Whatever it was he was thinking just made him slightly uncomfortable for some reason.

He just referred to the stranger as a she...

Demo... I could be wrong... I mean, what crazed female would want to get in Shinomori's way?     

He thought of the possibilities, and it led to just one answer.

Dammit.  Not her.

He wished he was wrong.

. . . . . . . . . . .

"Stand back, Shinomori.  And I mean it this time."

The tracker snickered, ice blue eyes meeting a pair of blue green ones that hovered between panic and contempt.

Whatever was in her mind, though, was far from what the rest of her body communicated to him.  Her arm was poised firmly towards him, the magnum raised just mere inches from his right temple.

If not for her eyes, it looked like she really could kill him.

She did not hesitate to tell him that.

"Move it, damn you!!!  Drop the gun and let's see those hands up, before I get itchy and blow something up other than your brains!!!"

Shinomori just had to chuckle.  For a little girl, she was brave.

No.  Stupid might come closer.  After all, sheer bravery must require some amount of naivety...

The girl pushed the nozzle an inch closer, bruising skin.  "God dammit, drop the weapon, tracker!!!  Now!!!"

Shinomori could have picked up the kodachi around his belt before she could breath, but decided against it.  She was starting to interest him, and the game if it can be called that, must be given a chance to begin.  

He lowered his weapon to the ground, eyes staring unblinkingly ahead of him, to scrutinize shadows which silhouetted her figure so effectively only her eyes were visible enough. 

"For a killer, you're very impatient.  Not that women aren't always are."

She moved the nozzle to the center of his forehead, but he didn't even flinch.  Not that she expected him to.

"I hate listening to dead people, so shove the snide remarks up your ass, Shinomori.  I'm the one who's gonna do some talking around here and you better have the ears to listen, or you'd lose them.  Now move!!!"

If he had heard those words from Himura, he would have given a second thought before...

Laughing.

That's just as close as he could describe his next move.  Of course, any opponent would have been so goddamn pissed off to consider it as anything more than an invitation to die.

But he knew her far too well to expect that.

No.  Misao Makimachi would have done something else.

And she did.

She kicked his balls and pushed him as hard as her weight could.

"Crazy bastard, if you wanna have some fun, go fuck your ass 'coz I'm not playing games here!!!"

He stood to his full height, and she came nowhere near his shoulder even.  But her eyes...

Those blue green eyes held more fire than anything he had ever seen who had twice her size and strength.

An attribute she could have only inherited from nobody lesser than the same man who trained him...

The man to whom he had sworn his loyalty and service...

"Indeed, this is not the time to play games, Makimachi..." he told her, ignoring the heat of the pain that lingered around his groin.  "In fact, if I have no memory of who you are, I would have done something irrevocably regretful to make you forget who I am..."

"Really now?  I hardly think that a person such as yourself is easy to forget..."  She told him icily, face emerging from the shadows as she stepped forward, slowly, deliberately, to stare him full in the face. 

Shinomori stared back unblinkingly, waiting for the shadows to part.  But his vision could only confirm what he himself willed to remember...  

Which explains why his memory, while fairly accurate in all other aspects, fell short of one thing.

Her face.  She was far more beautiful than he had ever seen her.  But then again, perhaps he had never really looked that hard before...

He raised an eyebrow.  "Do you remember Makimachi?"

She frowned at him, watching his expression closely.  "Remember what?"   

"A fair shadow that follows the light will always lose her way in the dark..."

She balled one fist at him.  "Cut the stupid poetry will ya, coz I'm not here to hear it!!!"

"Then what did you come here for to hear, Makimachi?"

The question almost made her lose her balance.  What now Misao? 

She narrowed her eyes.  "Frankly... I don't know!!!"

"You don't know?" he asked her coolly, eyes not leaving her face.  "You better figure that out, Makimachi, because I'm not the kind who'd tolerate people who have no business interfering with my mission..."

"No business???" she stamped one foot.  "Look here Shinomori, I really don't know what your goddamned mission is, but as far as mine's concerned, I can't let you kill Himura, and that's that!!!  So if you have any problem with the way I handle things here, I suggest you shut up or I'd let my magnum here do the talking!!!"

He gave a low chuckle, eyes showing no other emotion but indifference.

And pity.

She flinched.  Why should he? 

The nerve... That he should treat her less seriously than she deserved...

He moved a step closer and she was forced to move back, eyes wavering between shock, and anger, at his being able to make her so deliberately... submissive.

"You sound so certain about your convictions..." he told her tonelessly, passive eyes brushing aside the presence of her weapon.   "But as you might as well realize, being certain has nothing to do with being closer to the truth..."

Misao glared at him, raising the nozzle an inch higher to remind him that her height would in no way, make her aim less dangerous and effective.

"The truth?" she glared back, trying to keep her eyes from misting.  "You think you know the truth but the truth is, you don't know anything about it, Aoshi Shinomori!!!!  The truth is, when my father took you in, he had so much faith in you, so much heart to believe that you'll be the one to finish the fight that he  started and stood for... He thought you knew what the JIB's like, the corruption... all those rotten politicians trying to use anyone who might be blind enough to want to be used for their selfish motives... I know it all sounds like crap to you now, but my father's right.  The JIB's not the same one he worked for, and died for.  And the painful thing is, you're working for the same people who'd use Miyu Tsukiyama to get to you and make you kill Himura!!!"

"You godddamn shut your mouth, Makimachi..." he told her, knuckles raised as if to hit her.  "You goddamn shut your fucking mouth before I lose the urge not to remember you so well!!!"

She stepped back, staring at his eyes, not wanting to believe what she, in fact, heard only so well.  

Those words...

They hit hard and they hit home.

The urge not to remember her...

It was the same urge that drove her to him...

The urge not to let him forget...

And the urge not to remember him this way...

But it seems that even personal feelings have little sense where memories are concerned.

Because we remember only what we like.  And forget what we would rather not remember.

And she remembered all of him...

That was the problem.

All of him included this...

She aimed the nozzle right in front of his face, tears now threatening to spill as one thumb played with the trigger.

"You fucking bastard... you don't know what I've been through to get this far..."

Or near...

Just near enough to see you again...

She edged closer, staring him full in the face, brushing aside thoughts that could have made her knees go weak at some other occasion...

"Demo... if I have to kill you to get you away from Himura, Aoshi Shinomori... " she took in one deep breath, one hand going to his waist to snatch the kodachi from its sheath.  "... never make a mistake to provoke me, because I will..."

The voice, the poise, those words said so simply and bluntly in defense... Shinomori rarely saw the reason to observe beyond what is needed, but for the first time, he can't help it.   Perhaps it was because the girl he had known since childhood had, until now, been fairly predictable.   He knew for a fact that Misao Makimachi, had always sided with Himura—or Shinta, the innocent child that he was back then—during those days, when all three of them trained under the old man, no less than General Makimachi himself.  But he didn't—no, never even thought—that she would be so touched, so provoked, so aroused by the need to defend this childhood friend, that she would swear to kill another without the least hesitation.  To some extent, her attitude only served to remind him even more clearly, and poignantly, of the man—or the boy—the "baka deshi" who had earned that title because he always got into trouble with the Master, for allowing the girl to intrude into his training.  And yet, he was certain even then, that Shinta was no ordinary boy.  And even if he allowed girls like Misao to banter and bruise him the way they wanted, he was a fighter that will not be intimidated when the real challenge comes.

Then, one day, officers came to pick him up and he thought he will never see him again.

He was wrong.     

Five years later, when he entered a JIB military training facility after General Makimachi's death, he heard that Shinta had joined an elite JIB intelligence unit commanded by no less than Admiral Hiko and General Katsura.  Two years later, he was to learn that Shinta had mysteriously disappeared, replaced by someone by the name of Battousai who had been appointed head of a new special operations unit.  The following year, he was to learn that Shinta and Battousai were one and the same.

He was just eighteen years old then.  And Himura could not have been more than two years older...                      

It was also around that time when he met an agent by the name of Miyu Tsukiyama.  At least four years his senior, she was one of those tactical operations specialists who had been assigned to give them a month's training in the technicalities of intelligence networking and tactical procedures.

She was brilliant.  And always, consistently indifferent.

Thinking about it, she reminded him of Battousai... or at least the person he met in her office when he came to deliver his report.

He did not only look different.  Shinomori realized that Battousai, was in fact, an entirely different person:  long red hair tied in a high tail, black, closed-collar coat hugging his thin frame, violet eyes that shimmered amber whenever their eyes met.    

He was far from the boy Misao might have known and even, perhaps, loved far better than she knew...

And yet...

To say that, was almost to harbor a nostalgia for the past that had never been too familiar with him in the first place.  Besides, he would have to admit that Misao Makimachi's feelings are a personal matter that hardly requires his comprehension, much less his approval... After all, the girl had been nothing to him... nothing more but a reminder of a time of greater things.  She reminded him of his father, his Master, and a life where loyalty resided in idealisms, and convictions, rather than people, and politics.   She reminded him of innocent days when relationships were bound by honor and trust, rather than self-interest and revenge.    

And deny as he might, she reminded him of days when there was no reason to love, no reason to hate, no passion great enough to make him want to kill in the name of either one.

In other words, she reminded him of a time long gone when he and Shinta were nothing but kindred spirits bound by one objective—to change the world.              

Too bad they almost did that, by folly rather than wisdom...

As for any memory of his, concerning Misao Makimachi herself...

There was nothing to make her deserve even his respect.  To say the least, she was something he could discard along with those other memories that served no purpose but remained, much like scars that mark old wounds and nothing more.  Still, for some strange reason, he could not help feeling that the fact that they should meet right here, right now, was a reminder in itself, a warning, that the things you bury alive, never truly die. 

Perhaps Misao Makimachi was part of that—a life not completely lived but buried.   That the girl should, in fact, be standing before him now, swearing affection for the same boy who had nothing in common with the ex-assassin save the deep violet eyes that could make and break a little girl's heart is almost...

Absurd.

Perhaps because it was something to be envied... something he could not understand, or wanted to understand.

Something painfully familiar as well...

As Miyu told him once, Himura was a man who only needed eyes to make love with...

And Battousai, the man who could make a woman less than herself for falling for it...

              

He could not say if Miyu was speaking from experience, but even that seemed irrelevant.

So foolish, you are, Makimachi... to think that your threats can have any measure of success against me.  That your foolish attachment to the man might make me change my mind even if I remember your childhood so well...

Is wishful thinking...   

Their eyes met, and Misao moved back into the shadows, gun still trained at him, his kodachi held firmly in her other hand, wrapped in what appeared to be wrist guards.

That brought back more memories... 

Because it meant even she had not given up the traditional training outfit for the more stylish uniform of the JIB special ops unit.

He chose not to remember beyond that.

"So, is this your idea of an arrest?"

She matched his eyes with a cold glare.

"No.  This is far from just an 'idea' Shinomori... Unlike you, my objectives don't always come from above, because I don't give a damn about them anymore... All I know is that somebody wants you to kill Himura and I can't let you do that..."

He laughed at having to hear those threats over and over again, but it was a laugh that dripped with sarcasm.  He saw her flinch.

"Kill Himura.  You think it's all that simple?  You know that whether I have orders or not, I will kill him when I decide it's time for him to die."

She shook her head at him.  "You say that often enough, but I doubt whether you're convincing anyone but yourself.  You hate Himura, but I can't figure why you wanted to kill him.  I hate cops but that doesn't make me a cop killer—well, not yet at least.  So why are you so damn obsessed in killing him?  Just what is it that Himura has that you hate the most?"

He turned to her, ignoring the nozzle of her gun.  "What he has concerns me the least.  You would be so naïve to think that a man could be so motivated by mere jealousy..."

"That so?  Not even Miyu Tsukiyama?  I heard she and Himura were 'friends' and could've been more, even if it's just from her side of things..."

"I could only care less."

"You always think you don't care, but goddamit, Aoshi, I know you do!!!  What I don't know is whether it's worth all this mess..."

"Mess?  I call it ordered anarchy..."

"I call it bullshit.  You can't be so desperate to want to kill Himura even if you know why he—"

"—Why he's still alive?  General Makimachi trained us for one thing:  to kill that which is a threat to us all... Defending humanity was never my notion of a career, but necessity can be very persuasive.  And you of all people should know what threat I'm talking about when I say this, don't you?"

Misao's eyes shot back, angry at the accusation.  "You're inventing all this to feed your insanity, you fucking bastard!!! To think that my father trusted you..."

She stopped.  He turned to face her and his eyes were not the same ones she had stared into moments ago.  Those eyes burned with frustrated rage.  These eyes were... almost...

Regretful.

Like he was trying to make her understand something he desperately needed to hide... 

No.  Shinomori could not have feelings.  That was what made he and Himura almost... the same.

He turned away, meeting her gaze sideways, through hair matted with rain.

"To think that I trusted nothing but the memory of your father... You give him less credit than he deserves... much the same way I almost did..."                         

She froze.  Shinomori had always been a quiet rebel, but even this did not prepare her to accept the fact that the father she respected and loved so well is the same man Shinomori would defend against her.  And Himura.

Shinomori started walking away, the moon casting flecks of light on his purple coat.

She was not going to let him ago.  Again.

"We're not finished yet, Shinomori!!! Don't you dare turn your back on someone who might be as eager to kill you..."

"I don't think so, Misao..."

"Don't call me Misao..."

It was all she could say to keep back the tears from spilling.  He had never called her by her first name, save that time when he—when she said her goodbye, and he laughed in her face because she was crying.

That was fifteen years ago.  She was six.  He was twelve.

So many things changed since then.

Except one thing, of course...  

He was looking at her with that same glazed expression, and there was no choice but to stare back.

In the next second, his fingertips were holding her chin, another hand holding away the magnum she had been holding against his face until that moment.

He cocked an eyebrow, and his face lighted up, like a grim statue that had nothing but a stony smile to offer.

"Then, Makimachi, should I fight you when you are least ready?  I don't think so..."

She felt him taking the kodachi from her, another twisting her wrist to get the magnum completely out of the way.

"As you realize by now, Makimachi, you care more about the truth than killing me... And I know you know what I mean when I say that Himura is an enemy you shouldn't trust too eagerly..."

She flinched from his grasp, but his fingers were either too firm, or she was too distracted by his nearness to put in any real effort in the struggle. 

He drew back, but only to release her from the grip that he suspected was hurting her more than she was showing.

Her immediate reaction was to pull back, eyes burning with cold rage and something that almost looked like...

Humiliation?

"I don't wanna hear the bull, Shinomori!!!  And the next time we meet, I swear you won't have the balls to even try touching me again!!!"

"Kill me if you find the opportunity then.  But like what I said, you can't hurt me unless I let you.  And this is not yet the time..."

A shot rang in the air.  Raindrops fizzled where the bullet hit the gravel, falling on dead tracks.

It barely missed his foot.

A shadow stood a few feet behind him, her gun effectively following his every move. 

Misao recognized the poise, if not the chuckle.  It could only be...

"You better stay away from her, you bastard, if you don't want me to shoot those balls faster than she can kick your ass!!!"

Sayo.  The arm that showed blood-red sleeves and a white veil wrapped against it was more than enough to confirm her suspicions.

This time, Shinomori moved.

And it was quicker than lightning.

Sayo stared back, almost shaken at realizing the way his kodachi sliced her gun in three places in less than a second it took her to breath.

Then he completely vanished—leaving her with a broken magnum and a girl staring after the shadow through eyes that seemed about just ready to cry. 

She needed a distraction.

"Don't tell me, Murasaki-san.  THAT was Shinomori, right?"

Misao turned to her, a large sweat drop beading on her forehead. 

Didn't the woman ever listen?

A sigh.

"Sure as hell Aki.  Demo... I thought you said you'd be busy tonight—with other things."

She chuckled, eyes fluttering excitedly.

Misao knew the lady could be disarmingly charming, but she wasn't the right sex to appreciate it.  She tapped her foot on the gravel.  "Well???"

Sayo practically beamed, completely throwing her off.  "Well, this is the 'other' thing, obviously.  Should we run after the knave or what?"

Yeah, right.  Run after Shinomori... Running after the devil himself would be way easier...

She stretched her arm down to the shoulder, giving the other woman a wry smile as she flexed her muscles.  "Sheesh, Aki, don't tell me he pissed you off THAT bad..."

Sayo literally fumed.  "Me pissed off?  I'm gonna kill that guy if I have the means to do it!!!"

"But as it appears, you don't.  So why don't we just discuss other things, while you're still figuring out what to do with that magnum...or what's left of it."

"Oh well... I was just wondering why you let him off so easily... After waiting this long to screw him in the face..."

Misao flinched—mentally, at least.  To think that she had, indeed, planned the meeting for so long... had allowed herself to get so close and for what?  Only to let him taunt her... to make her believe nothing but lies...

Lies that Himura was the real enemy...

That was the problem.  She was starting to consider the idea that Himura WAS the enemy, when a couple of minutes ago, she was bent on protecting him, even when he probably had no idea why she should even bother...

Shinomori must be insane.  The only enemy her father had taught her to fight was the enemy that might as well come to replace humanity itself...

That would be the pre-cog clones...

Some of them worked for the government of course... But the profit from producing a dozen more who have the skills of the most adept—and the most potentially destructive, therefore—might just be too much a temptation to resist, both for underground syndicates, as well as corrupt politicians...

For Himura to be an enemy must mean of course several things...

Yet, it would be absurd to even consider...

Or is it...???

"Murasaki-san?"

Misao doubled over, wincing at Sayo's uncanny sense of timing.  "Uhmmm?"

"Are you thinking of something?"

"Me?" she asked, eyes wide with surprise.  But of course...

It was Sayo's turn to tap her foot.  Misao's mind screamed for something—anything to say.  

"I don't know Aki... Maybe... maybe... I'm just wondering why Aoshi didn't even think of slicing us both... Have you ever thought of that?"

Sayo peered into her face, eyes suddenly curious.

"What???  Did I say anything?"

A mischievous grin.  "Aoshi, huh???  I don't know you and he are so familiar..."

Misao almost fell on her face.  "Gods, is that all you can think of?  Why, I'm sure we've got better things to worry about... Besides, this is the last time you'd be hearing me say that stupid name..."

Aoshi Shinomori indeed.  She would have questions for him should they meet again.

And already, there is a way to make that happen.

. . . . . . . . . . .

"Kenshin???"

Dark thoughts have been racing in his mind since that moment he pushed against the glass window of the Pre-cog Institute building and landed on a ledge leading to a staircase five flights from the ground.  It wasn't the safest place in the world to carry a burden more than half his weight, but he managed to swing himself and the girl out of Shinomori's line of fire until that other presence got in the way...

Aoshi...  He closed his eyes and saw the image of a man he once fought and almost killed.  Ten years ago, was it that long ago, when the tracker met him face to face, to avenge the death of Miyu Tsukiyama? Miss Tsukiyama was an undercover agent who, like he and Shinomori, worked for the JIB as an infiltration unit specialist.  He had worked with Tsukiyama often enough before, but it was in one of his assignments as Battousai, that Tsukiyama had been instructed to serve as decoy, infiltrating the enemy camp to lure his "target" into the open.  Tsukiyama's cover, unfortunately, had been less than effective, and he was forced to abandon the mission, as he had been ordered, to save his unit. 

He didn't follow his orders and pursued the enemy.  The target had been effectively disposed, but so was half of his men. 

Miyu Tsukiyama was one of them.

Since then, he had always worked alone.   

Then Shinomori...

He had hoped Shinomori would understand.  Missions require sacrifices, and sacrifices never come too easy on anyone.  But when had the heart been taught to understand things?  There was no reason behind the way people feel, in as much as there seems to be no reason in everything human...  

They've been enemies for ten years...  For ten years, Aoshi had neither forgiven nor forgotten.

Not that he expected otherwise.  Pasts can't be changed, just as human nature endures through eternity...

"Kenshin???"

He had to stop to breath.  But it wasn't that, really, which forced him to look into the direction of the voice.  

Something warm was on his cheek, touching his scar.  "Kenshin???  Is there something wrong?"

"Not really," he told her, blinking as he made a quick inspection of her condition, in search of bruises and other physical injuries.  For her part, Kaoru suspected that he had been blinking to keep away sleep.  In truth though, Kenshin could not help doing so to keep himself from staring into distraction, when looking in the other direction had been quite ineffective... 

Of course, in other occasions, he would let his mind drift into oblivion, into those thoughts that only made him realize how new his acquaintance had been with the mission, yet how far he had gone, into making enemies.  That, however, only bared more disturbing thoughts.  For one thing, it made him realize how the girl's safety depended not only on him, but on the strengths of those enemies who will stop at nothing to kill him, now that he had taken her.   That of course meant that should anything happen to him...

"You're not good at answering questions are you?"

She was pouting at him, large sapphire blue eyes staring deeply into his, small lips puckered as if to say something, as he carried her in his arms.

"Gomen.  It would seem like that wouldn't it?"

Something in her frown made him want to smile. 

"Mou, Kenshin, saying something doesn't take up all that much effort does it?" 

He gave her a slight grin.  "Talk gets in the way of thinking, and I don't have that much to be happy about with someone like Shinomori hounding our backs."

She looked into his face, noticing the spark of seriousness in his eyes as he spoke. 

"Do you really worry all that much Kenshin?" 

"It's my job."

Her eyes were scrutinizing every inch of his face, betraying a curiosity tinged with concern, and just a little something that almost looked like... affection?

Too young, too innocent, too pure to even consider me a danger to herself...

"Demo, Kenshin..." she whispered, almost complaining, "how can you keep us alive by killing yourself worrying about other people?" 

He looked at her strangely, then into the distance ahead.  "Those 'other' people include you, Kamiya."

"Then why didn't you just leave me with Noburo-san?"

The answer was easy of course.  She was his hostage, nothing more.  Now that the JIB was after him, the only logical course was to use her to demand an arrangement for surrender that guarantees their safety in the hands of the proper authorities.  But even THAT is getting muddled by the second.  What do the authorities care if she was taken as hostage?  They know very well that her exposure to the public could bring more danger to them than good, and with suspicions regarding her possible connivance with rebel operatives working against the JIB, there is just the slightest chance that her surrender—as well as his—would end up in arrest and detention.  Add to that the fact that Shinomori, Saitoh, and Enishi all had been less than articulate in wanting her in their own custody and he would have more than enough reason to doubt the JIB's 'good' intentions...

Of course, the drawback in all hostage situations was making unnecessary compromises when the offensive position would have been easier and more practical to take. 

And those compromises are exactly the thing that forced him to defend, and to run, if and when needed, to keep her safe...

To keep her safe, to protect her... the logic behind it is totally insupportable.

In situations he had encountered before, the life of a hostage has always been the least of priorities.  It follows therefore, that Kamiya should be merely instrumental to his safety, not the other way around. 

So what was in his mind, exactly, when he took her?  As he himself admitted, no logic would support the decision, and yet...

Her blue eyes stared at him, waiting for an answer.  He gulped, wondering how easy it seemed for her to make him feel just a little bit...

Queasy. 

He hadn't felt like it before, and it was a feeling he couldn't trust, as much as ignore.   He almost hated it, wanting it to go away the same way he could vanquish his fears by sucking it all in.  But this is something different.

Different.  I should be dead tired to even bother thinking about it this much.  But then again...

Unperturbed depths stared back, blinking away sleep.

She must be dead tired.

So childish this one... and yet...

She closed her eyes, finally giving in to sleep. 

He sighed, noticing how strangely her hand clutched the front of his undershirt tightly, like a child fearing to be parted.  He had to smile.  She looked so peaceful, small fingers balled tightly inside his black coat, undoing the buttons in the process so that the collar hung loosely on his chest now, cradling the smallness of her hand in a sort of protective way.

Who would suspect that such a small, fragile creature could be capable of wielding so much power?  He barely managed to control his, the amber inside him revealing only hints of how much control he had to consciously assert against the overwhelming compulsion to kill...

How much more for someone like her, who had been trained to use such power all her life?  Saitoh said a lot of things about it, and so did Katsura, but he knew that they withheld so much more.

He had seen the girl attack an unarmed man back at the alley... had felt her struggle against death itself when they've been shot... and felt her presence inside him, cooling the liquid fire that burned his insides and numbed his brain, as he lay there under the lights of the operating table, trying to keep the effects of the poison from completely taking over...

He had been poisoned before—that other poison Takeda Kanryu's scientists had used a long time ago to enhance his own pre-cog abilities—but nothing felt like what he had to endure from the magnum bullet that pierced his shoulder...  

Given the fact that his 'unnatural' body could neutralize ordinary poisons, as Dr. Genzai's experiments revealed, he would have survived on his own, but...

The magnum's poison had been created to resist even that...

In fact, the bullet was nothing but a matrix especially designed to carry a chemical substance that can easily kill a pre-cog with ten times his ability.

He would know of course, because he had been trained how to use such a weapon himself—that is, against a pre-cog who had defected to an anti-government syndicate and started leaking out important information about the location of all pre-cogs working for the JIB, and the world government...

He had been told that the bullet should only be used should the target show any indication of resisting primary force...

He had once fired seven bullets from the magnum—that was the primary force.

The target went down and was immediately taken to a military facility, for treatment and interrogation.

He was to learn later that the said pre-cog resisted arrest and had killed three JIB operatives in the process.

It was Shinomori who finished the job of course... He planted the eight bullet in the man's shoulder, and since the poison was designed to inhibit chemicals that allow the body to self-heal, the wound caused by the shot caused its victim to bleed to death...

A slow, painstaking process... since the shot missed a vital organ that could have made the death swifter, the patient was made to suffer the excruciatingly long process of blood loss...     

The original intention of course, was to temporarily disable the pre-cog and remove any threat that might endanger the lives of the JIB agents who must undertake the procedure of extracting information from the victim.  It was more a design of evil, or rather, revenge, that they also left him under an operating table to die after the interrogation was concluded. 

Not that any medical help would have saved him.  Once the poison had reached the blood stream, the entire system is paralyzed, even reversing specific body functions.  In other words, the body destroys its own immune system, inhibiting normal processes that assist in ANY form of recovery.  Even blood clotting becomes impossible, since the white blood cells are instead deployed by the system to destroy the very cellular matrices that keep out infections...         

 Medical intervention, in other words, would be utterly, a waste of talent.

Which is why he knew that Dr. Noburo and Dr. Takani could not have done anything to save his life without intervention from another source... 

So the answer to his question really had to do more with his personal reasons than anything...     

That is, he couldn't have left her behind like that, after she had saved his life...

Nice Kenshin.  Just that insight and suddenly, Kamiya is no longer the same as those 'other' women you've met...

Not that you've ever looked at a woman before and after Tomoe, but then again Kamiya is not someone you've been trained to deal with...

He cursed under his breath, suppressing the urge that was slowly eating its way into his thoughts.

Deal with her... that's the problem, I guess...

Because I've really no business being with her besides fulfilling those orders...

 

Then again, I don't feel like thinking about that just now.

Because I might just have to kill someone if I do...

He didn't know exactly whether it was that realization, or the feel of something stirring against him that made him flinch, brushing all thoughts aside.    

"Kenshin..."

He covered her up more tightly with the edges of his coat as he entered the underground parking lot of a building.  After locating the elevator he wanted, he reached out with one hand and began punching codes on a small screen.

Static.

I'm a mess, she's a mess, and this damn stupid door wouldn't budge...

Before he could curse, the doors opened, and a voice from an intercom welcomed him.

"Shibaraku desu ne, Mr. Himura.  What can we—"

He punched another button and the floor of the elevator opened to reveal a secret passage below.

He entered the darkness and found himself in a second elevator underneath the first one.

Two elevators, that was the trick.  The first can be operated by any passenger wanting to access the upper levels of the building itself, while the other, which only opens from within the first one by a special code, only by specific JIB operatives whose headquarters lie in the basement of the building.        

There are twenty floors under that building.  Twenty floors, and only a handful of people in the JIB know it exists.      

Once inside the elevator, Kenshin pushed his weight against the wall and slid onto the floor, Kaoru's weight falling on his lap as he let exhaustion take over.

She stirred, whimpering slightly, new bruises showing where he had not seen them before, now that he can see her fully under the lights.      

She opened her eyes slightly, speech slurred with sleep.

"Kenshin?"

"Gomen.  Demo, I almost forgot about your wounds.  Would this be alright?"

She must have nodded an answer, or have fallen asleep, head falling on his shoulder heavily, her breathing shallow and regular beneath him.

He sighed, wrapping her tightly against him.

Sleep Kamiya... Things will be better in the morning I promise...

. . . . . . . . . . .

"Dammit Toshima, I thought you had things under control.  What the fucking hell happened?"

The doctor would have jabbed Sano at the chest if he were not physically incapacitated to do so.  Beside him, Megumi hovered, checking his ribs for further damage.

The push and shove he had received from both Himura and Shinomori were almost fatal.  It was the latter though, who broke his rib, forcing him to drop out of the scene as the renegade tracker drew a magnum from his left leg and aimed at the assassin.

And missed.  Not that he felt happy for Himura about that.  All his concern was for the girl that the fucking bastard had to take with him.

Until now, he could not fully comprehend Himura's reasons.  The girl will most definitely slow him down, make his escape thrice if not ten times more difficult, especially with that deep bullet wound in his arm and shoulder.  More than that, there was really no reason for him to take her—the JIB wanted HIM dead, not her, and his taking her will just attract more attention than there already is.  And from what he knew about assassins, attention is the last they needed to survive.

So why the bastard's interest in Kamiya?

"Hey, I ask you a question and you daydream, you jerk!!!  Are you sure Megumi he didn't take a hit on the head too?  Seems to me one of his screws fell out."

"For God's sake quit the crap and get your ass moving, you worthless oaf!!!" Megumi told him acidly, all frowns on him as he threw her a smug grin.  She held a towel in one hand, and a tray of bandages in the other.  "Can't you see Toshima-san's hurt enough as it is???  And besides, don't you have other MORE important things to worry about?  Like explaining how we ended up here tonight in the first place?  I mean, what do we tell the security if they ask?"

Sano grinned even more, ignoring her sarcasm.  "Fuck the security, I think they might even thank us for being here.  They've obviously fouled up if they weren't able to put up even a decent struggle to keep Battousai's and Shinomori's butts outta here!!!  But since you're so concerned, I got an idea.  Let's just tell them a stupid sentinel got worked up, short-circuited or something, went crazy, then started making a big mess.  Then you kitsune, just happened to be close by, making out with our dear Toshima here who was assigned to do some overtime work at the lab, and the two of you decided to take matters in your hands.  Then I came along, the jealous boyfriend—"

Megumi fumed.  "Boyfriend??!!  The nerve you've got you—"

"Mind if you don't interrupt?" Sano glibly asked, pointing with his index finger to the air.  "As I was saying, I came along, knocked the air out of this airhead for all the unholy things he did to you in the dark, things got a little outta hand, and well, that's about it."

"THAT's your idea?" Megumi asked, giving him the eye.  "How do you care to explain the fact that the elevators have all been jammed, the windows smashed into bits and pieces everywhere, oh and the exit ladder in the right wing had been cut off the whole building by a sword?"

"Well, let's just say there's nothing this handsome hunk wouldn't do to defend a two-timing kitsune from the clutches of an indecent lover, whaddya think???  OWWW!!!!"

"That's what you get for being such a jerk, you pervert!!!" Megumi told him, eyes narrowing into tiny slits, right hand fisted into a ball.  "I swear if you say one word of THAT to anyone, you'll have MORE than broken ribs to worry about!!!"

"Amen to that," Toshima added, both arms folded under his head, an amused smirk on his lips as he allowed his thoughts to stray for a moment at the bickering couple.

For a second, it made him suddenly feel slightly... jealous.  Sanosuke Sagara's cocky grin though, warned him that the lady doctor was in for more annoying insults. 

"Well, since you're obviously so eager to bash my balls, let's hear your story then, Miss Megumi Takani.  Any LESS brilliant ideas?"

He was laughing and Toshima, for the life of him, wondered how Sano could even feign optimism at a desperate situation like this one.

Perhaps, if he had any trait worth admiring, it would have to be that.

Megumi pushed Sano aside, bending down her patient's ribs to check for more injuries, hand going over to her long side bangs to sweep them aside as she worked.  "Well, I don't usually entertain assholes and pig-headed slime buckets like you, but since you insist, I might as well confess that some files are missing in the research lab, which suggests that somebody must have broken in, disarmed the sentinels, gassed the security personnel in the building, then escaped through the window by the time Toshima was able to call anyone for help.  I came with you because we just happened to be on our way to a –well—maybe a date, and I forgot my coat or something so I went back to the office to get it, and that's when we found Toshima-san unconscious on the floor.  But of course, I might have to add that our dear friend here wouldn't be in such a mess in the first place if you, the swashbuckling hero, wasn't too busy trying to get in my pants at the time it all happened.  So..." she straightened up all of a sudden, arms folded on her chest, eyes narrowing slyly "how about that for a story hmmm?"

For some reason, Toshima found himself blushing.  He had known Megumi to be terribly blunt and opinionated, but not in personal matters that required privacy.

Unless there was nothing really personal about her relationship with Sanosuke.  Soujiro must be exaggerating when he filled him in, on the details about the couple.

Now that he considered it, was it even proper to regard them as that?

"Hey, no fair, Takani!!!  I swear that story won't stand a chance against Kamatari.  That bitch is even more suspicious than you are!!!"

"Not if I can prove that some files ARE indeed missing.  The ones the Labyrinth wanted most especially..."

"You mean the files are with you, you lucky--"

She smugly nodded, one fingertip coyly locking on a strand of hair across her cheek as she laughed at Sano's open-mouthed expression of shock and surprise.  "Oh yes, Sanosuke.  Be a good boy and I might even share them with you."

"So I guess you've known all along?" Toshima asked, lips paling a shade lighter, as if the revelation had been a shock too dangerous or deep to express in words.

"About you? Is that what you mean?"

He coughed.  "And maybe a little bit more?" 

"Not exactly.  But I figured that the Labyrinth must have some contact from within the Precog Institute itself, for it to have any information on anything about the JIB's involvement with pre-cogs.  Actually there're practically too many personnel in here to narrow it down to any one individual, but then I noticed that you were too protective of Kamiya to have any deeper, shall we say, loyalty, for what the JIB's been doing, and besides, you weren't surprised on seeing Sanosuke.  He's from the JIB but you don't seem to mind he's nosing in on what happened.  That's where I started piecing things together.  I just knew that your being here is more than a "coincidence" of sorts, and that you're actually here on purpose—to find out Kamiya's condition, since Dr. Genzai's the only one Himura probably trusted.  You would know, of course, since records of Himura's correspondence with the doctor betrays that—and from there, you've probably surmised that if there's any place he'd run to if he needed help, it would be where he might find the doctor himself—the only one, I guess, who'd have enough authority not to be suspected by the JIB, though he's not being here might prove the contrary.  In any case, you must share Dr. Genzai's feelings for pre-cogs like Kamiya—your concern only shows too well, and if I didn't know a little about Himura myself, I would say you two looked worse than jealous love birds... Add to that the fact that the Labyrinth's network depends on Kamiya's precious contribution and, for that matter, on her safety and well-being, so it's easy to guess which allegiance will be convenient to such a person as yourself..."        

"Spoken like a real kitsune, heh, Takani?" Sano drawled, letting out a low whistle.  "The Labyrinth's really gonna be happy to have someone like you."

"On second thought, Sano," Megumi countered, a sly smile dancing on her lips.  "Why not?"

. . . . . . . . . . .

She could not remember quite clearly when she had stood like this, naked, eyes to the moon as raindrops pelted her window, making trickling noises as slivers of light darted across the night sky, making her start.  Perhaps it had been two days ago... just two days in fact.  But it felt like weeks.

No.  Months.  She missed Kenshin terribly. And the feeling wouldn't go away, no matter how much martinis she drunk that night to make her sleep and drown in fevered dreams.

If you would only call.  At least a call.  Just one call.  Gods, if there are gods out there, what would it take to make you listen to me?

Her cell rang.  She was drunk and tipsy but she was there in two seconds.

"Kenshin?!!"

"Uh, this is Akira." 

An inaudible sigh.  "Oh, of course.  Is there a problem?"

"Mmmm, I dunno, just wanted to make sure you're okay.  You were dead drunk when we left the pub.  Are you sure you don't want—"

"Look, Akira-san, thanks for bringing me home.  I just got up and my head's killing me.  I'll talk to you in the morning, okay?"

"Yup.  Guess that's a good idea.  Sleep well Tomoe."

"You too.  Bye."

"Uh, hello?  Tomoe?"

"Hmm?  Forgot something?"

"I love you."

She froze.  Maybe her eagerness to hear those words from someone else made her imagine it.  She shook her head, trying to clear it, eyes swimming as she blinked back the tears that stung it when she first woke up, dead drunk and for that matter, nauseated, streaks of lightning making her wince when she realized she was alone in her room, surrounded in darkness, with nothing but the wind and the rain for company.

It was a dead room now.

Kenshin...

It was cold.  So cold.  And empty.

No, stop it, Tomoe!!!  Think Akira.  This is Akira, not Kenshin.  What's wrong with you?

The sound of Akira's regular breathing made her realize that she was still holding the receiver.  "Hello?  Akira-san?  You still there?"

"Sorry about that Tomoe.  I'm still here."

Silence.

"Um, Tomoe—"

"--Akira-san--"

"Yeah?  You go first."

Tomoe cleared her throat, breathing heavily, closing her eyes as she mustered the courage to say it. 

"Gomen." 

Akira stiffened as a slight panic rose to his throat.  Gomen could mean a lot of things, and what it could mean after a confession could only be... "Look, Tomoe, forget what I said..."

She shook her head.  "Stop apologizing when we both know how insensitive I could be, spoiling your day by getting you and myself drunk like hell, not to mention babbling about my issues as if I'm the only one who's got something to talk about...  Demo, arigatou for all the help.  You're a real friend and I appreciate all that you've done—"

Akira smiled.  Tomoe was denying what she had heard, and the apology was just an excuse... Nevertheless... 

"Think nothing of it.  Had Himura-san called?"

"No."

Silence.

"You know I'll always be here."

"I know that, Akira-san.  And I won't forget."

"Right.  And don't worry about Himura-san so much.  He's a guy.  He can take care of himself."

An amused smirk.  She had no reason to make Akira feel more than his fair share of her misery, and a chuckle might be in order.

She chuckled.  "I'm a woman, and I can definitely take care of myself."

Akira felt relieved at the remark, laughing slightly.  "Forgive the sexist remark then, but as I've already said when you weren't listening, I love you Tomoe Yukishiro, and I'll be your friend whether you like it or not.  So don't get upset if you're stuck with me for the meantime—well, at least until Himura gets back."

She considered that, eyes crinkling.  "I heard you, Akira-san.  And I'd be upset if you forget for a single second that I'm a true friend too.  When I'm not so drunk at least. "

"I know."

"Good.  I'll remind you occasionally if you forget."

Forget?  Akira knew what she meant.  Tomoe might have been referring to her friendship, but it could also mean his.  If he were to insist on staying, it would only be as a friend, and to aspire for so much more is to court either stupidity, or the devil himself... 

Friendship or nothing.  It was a cruel trade, and he had accepted the terms out of the desperation to be near...

If only that was the entire reason.

But of course it wasn't.

Because despite what he thought was impossible, he fell in love with Tomoe.

He didn't believe in love and he wasn't a bachelor aching to be convinced otherwise.  But it happened.

There were regrets but...       

Strange as it seems, it was the way she loved Himura that mystified him, drawing him closer to dangerous grounds.

Not that he can choose things to be otherwise.  He had seen so many couples before, but something about Tomoe's dedication to Himura struck him as something almost... surreal.  Something stronger seems to bind her to him, and though he can't fully understand it as yet, he had always felt that Tomoe loved Himura so much more than he could ever love her in return...

Not that he should even be concerned.  He could fall in love with other women of course—there are dozens out there and he had been dating like any single, normal guy would.  He would admit he's not exactly a match for Himura's good looks, but in terms of other things that matter—intelligence, money and reputation, he could say he's not one to worry about staying alone and single for long.  He thought that maybe, given some time and opportunity, Tomoe would notice his feelings, but if her falling in love with him didn't happen before she met Himura, now, it was nowhere close to even becoming a remote possibility...

No.  She told him how courting death would be easier than forgetting the man she vowed to love all her life.

"Akira-san?"

"Hai?"

"Arigatou.  I can't say much for now, but--"

But... Everything between them, it seems, comes down to this little word.  But.   Akira sighed, and knew it wouldn't be the last.      

"But you'll let me drop by your apartment tomorrow to check up on you, right?  And quit worrying about work.  The office will survive without you for a day or so, so stay put and be a good girl while Himura's gone, okay?"

She smiled as she had always had.  As Akira would always have her do.  If she could have a guardian angel on earth, it would have to be him.  The ever-reliable, Akira.  She could only vaguely wonder why until now, he had not had a single, serious, relationship.  He would have been perfect—but of course, that's on his own.  Because if she would have to compare things from her perspective, the perfect man could only be—

"Uhum... are you napping so soon?"

She laughed genuinely this time, wondering how that remark embarrassed her, almost making her blush.  Perhaps because it was the first time she had been aware of considering Akira from any angle other than platonic.  She dismissed the idea as quickly as it came. 

"Right, Mr. Nice Guy—as if I needed reminding.  Kenshin's got nothing to worry about, I'm sure, so long as you're here to scare away all the bad guys right?"

"Huh, you won't be able to afford me, Yukishiro, if I were your bodyguard!"

"Oh?  How about two dinners and a movie?  Fair deal?"

"I'll think about it."

"Greedy."

"If that's how you see it, then I don't have any other choice, do I?  So I guess I must ready myself for a dinner at the Bayview Palace tomorrow."        

The Bayview Palace...  She knew the hotel, and knew that most of their rich clients preferred the place for business meetings and special occasions. 

But it was not that which made it particularly familiar.

It was the fact that just two days ago, Kenshin took her there to propose.  She remembered how he slipped the white band onto her ring finger and promised that he would make her happy.

Remembering it now, she felt a cold shiver up her spine, hearing his voice inside her head in a sort of dreamy way, the words fading out slowly, becoming nothing more than an echo...

It felt like waking up from a dream and remembering nothing but the strangeness of the dream.    

She had to wake up...

"Bayview Palace then, tomorrow, about eight."  

Akira nodded.  "Sounds good to me.  I'll see you then."

"Hai."

That was the last word between them before the nagging silence returned to haunt her. 

Tomoe cradled the phone to her chest, eyes turning to the only sound outside her window.

It was still raining, but this time, she felt the trickles on her cheeks as cold air shook her bare calves, making her flinch and grab the nearest blanket she could find.

Kenshin...

She fell to her knees, hugging the blanket to her chest as she wept.

It would be the longest night in the world.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Kenshin looked around, waiting for memories to fill in details that needed to be remembered.  The room on his right.  It must be it.    

They were already in the building—technically, a basement that is an entire building complex in itself—twenty floors under the ground.  The facility had been abandoned after the JIB unit he had been working for was legally dismantled.  Of course, that didn't signify that everything about the operations of the unit had been disclosed to the public, even to the intelligence wing of the JIB military police.  Irony of ironies, the existence of his unit had been so effectively hidden that no intelligence spy to date had been able to even guess, as much as investigate the possibility of the facility ever existing anywhere in Japan.

The reason?  The only people who knew of its existence had somehow simply disappeared, or had been effectively disposed of—whichever applies.

Save him.  And a man he refused to remember.       

He kicked a door open and carried the sleeper in his arms into a lighted room, towards a large bed with bundles of pillows and soft cushions to make it all the more appealing.  The sight in fact, almost made him squirm, the implications even more as he stood in the middle of the room contemplating the size of the bed and how it would fit his purpose, oblivious of the fact that Kaoru was looking up at him, fully awake and blushing like hell.  

For a military facility that looked every bit like it when they first arrived, the bedroom was shockingly elegant, and...

Pink?  She squirmed a little out of his arms to get a better view.

That was when he noticed she was awake.

"There are other rooms in the building but this one's the most accessible to everything that's important...  I'm taking the room just across this one, so you can have some privacy... "

"It doesn't look like you've been here before, have you?"

He was still looking around, obviously preoccupied by something.  He strained his eyes to stare into a cabinet at the far end of the room.

"No.  Only important people are given this much luxury when they needed to stay here for a couple of weeks."

It was obvious to her that he didn't in the least, consider himself important, and she was about ready to pout about that when he walked towards the cabinet and smiled.

"What?"              

"Bandages..."

She pouted even more.

"Can't you ever think of me in ANY other way, Kenshin?  It seems that whenever you look at me, all you see is a girl that needs a lot of bandaging and I can use my legs too, for a change." 

He gave her a quizzical look, making her smile wryly, despite her struggle to keep the frown.

"You can put me down, I mean."

He did just that.

She smiled at him when he looked up, making him blush when their eyes met.

It was enough to make him stumble back, almost tripping on his own foot.  

This isn't working Kenshin.  She may be your hostage but right now, you're obviously more trapped in this than she is...

And to think that all she ever did was smile... Imagine if she should do something more like what Tomoe would have done in a bedroom like this... especially when you're too busy pretending you're thinking about something else...       

That was unnerving.  He had to cough just to keep himself from uttering a shameless "oro" the way he would whenever Tomoe would do something shocking.

Like feeling him up in one of those showers...    

Kaoru gave him a suspicious glare, arms akimbo as she stood on her bare feet, watching his color change into pale shades of red as he desperately tried to clear his head.

He gave her a blank stare, and an irrepressible urge to pummel him possessed her right there and then. 

 

"Geez, Kenshin... It's not like I'd want to know everything that's on your mind... I mean, even if I could, I'd rather not hear all your secrets..."

He frowned—or tried at least.  Secrets?  Who said anything about secrets?

But of course he knew...  

She peered into his face, forcing him to take just one tiny step backwards.  "Never mind, Kenshin.  Right now, talking is a lot easier than using the backdoor, and besides, I know you'd mind if I did..."     

He smiled, remembering the word.   The backdoor as she called it, was his own way of referring to that mind-link she often used to get into his thoughts when he wasn't too busy shielding.   

Which is why it was a relief for him to know she wanted to use the normal route this time.  He would have been shocked if she knew just what kind of thoughts he'd been entertaining lately.

*Yeah right, you jerk.  And here I thought you weren't interested in the opposite sex... even if they were just cute little half-naked girls...

Stop that!!!  Demo, what do you mean...

For a single second, he became aware of the fact that not only was Kamiya barefoot, but that she was almost naked to him, standing in the same white hospital gown that she wore since they escaped from the Institute, the thin white fabric clinging transparently to her small body to incite ungodly fantasies about what's hidden beneath.

Gods!!!  And to think he had been staring at her like that, with god-knows-what lurking in the innermost unwanted recesses of his mind...

Wordlessly, he began to unbutton the rest of his coat and prepared to take it off.

But a hand stopped him mid-way.

"Look Kenshin, I'm not THAT cold and besides, your arm's still bleeding..."      

He looked at his arm indifferently, noticing the spot caked with blood.  "Gomen.  I'd admit it's a bit messy, isn't it?."

She tiptoed closer, eyeing him glumly.  "It's not a mess, it's a wound and it needs to be treated!!!"

"Sumanu.   Demo, that could wait..."

He said it so matter-of-factly that she felt like punching him in the face.  The ex-assassin could be so unbelievably dense and stubborn in matters concerning his own welfare.

He had always been like that.

But that doesn't mean she would just stand by and watch him worry about her to the utter neglect of his own personal well-being.

No.   

He had to blink.  "Nan desu ka, Kamiya?"  

"Give me your arm."

He stared back at her in disbelief.  She giving him orders?   

She tore a strip of cloth from the hem of her gown and rolled it around the palm of her hand.  "Let me see that arm Kenshin.  Now."

"Kamiya, this isn't the time for—"

Flecks of amber shimmered in her eyes as she peered into his face.  "Now, Kenshin."

This isn't working as it's supposed to... demo...

Her face was mere inches from his, eyes trained on the wound like a veteran, her slim fingers plucking off the tattered mess of bandages dangling on his arm and shoulder, with as much gentleness as butterfly wings touching skin.

Demo...

She was handling him like he was as fragile and pure as glass...

And he wasn't even worthy of those thoughts...

He ripped the bandages from the shoulder, surprising her with the abruptness of the gesture.

"It should make your task easy."

"I'm not complaining."

He noticed the edge in her voice and regretted the unknown compulsion that suddenly made him so ... cold to her. 

"You should go back to sleep, Kamiya."

She glanced up at him, and saw that he was looking straight ahead, pretending she wasn't even in the same room.  She had a mind to pull the bandage just a little tighter to remind him of certain things... 

His face didn't even twitch the slightest. 

"Look, Kenshin, you can carry me to bed as soon as we're done if that would make you happy!!!"

This time, he blushed a beet red.

"Surely, that's not exactly what I meant, Kamiya..."

"Surely, you're aware that I've been sleeping for hours, Kenshin, so sit still and let me do this.  Then you can go sleep yourself because you look a lot worse than hell..."   

"You don't know what hell looks like.  This is nothing but a scratch."

"Quit pretending like you're superman because nobody's expecting you to be one."

He looked away, seeing her eyes mist as she minced those words.  Indeed, the girl can be so childishly concerned about something so... trivial.  But of course, it was not entirely a bad attribute.

"No.  But we've got dangerous enemies.  I'm sure you haven't forgotten that..."

"No.  When you make it a point to remind me with your constant worrying."

He sighed, throwing her a momentary glance.  "I told you.  It's part of the job."

"I told you.  I'm not going to let you get yourself killed."

"I won't die.  I wish I could, but things hardly work that way.  So long as my skills are still effective--"

Without warning, she pulled his collar to her, cutting him off by forcing him to look into her eyes and understand, even for a single second, why his life seemed so important to her... 

The soft urgency in her face made it impossible to look anywhere else.

Then, before he knew it, she was falling...

He caught her hand when she fell against him, her weight crushing the air between them.

"Kaoru..."

His hand was cold as ice, nothing close to the warmth she felt when she touched his wounds, making her wonder why she should even be aware of the difference. 

Even his eyes were warmer...

She was leaning towards him, and Kenshin, trapped between falling on the floor to support her weight on him, and pushing her backwards to the floor the way his instincts would, when attacked, decided that the former would be the better alternative because it was less disturbing...

And of course, given her physical condition, it was the only position that would hurt her the least ...     

"I know why they sent you, Kenshin... and why, even when I tried to stop it, I allowed you to find me...  to put you in danger even when that wasn't necessary..." 

"Look, Kaoru..."

"Kenshin..." She cut him off, one hand pressing on his chest.

He stopped.  Her eyes shimmered with an all-too-familiar shade of amber, specks of blue receding into hollow depths that seemed to pull him farther and farther into that other consciousness...

He felt his body separate, like some part of him had to sleep to keep the other part of him awake, and that part that remained conscious was spinning uncontrollably into a darkness that led him closer and closer to this other awareness...

Then he saw her—or rather—felt her—but he was no longer aware how, or where, and why...

All he knew was that he needed to listen.

Kenshin...

He would know that voice anywhere.

Kaoru...???

Gomen... this is the only way we could talk without anyone hearing...

Anyone hearing?  Though he was certain Kamiya wasn't hallucinating, he could guarantee that they've been alone for several hours now, since Shinomori's unsuccessful attack...

A cool hand seemed to touch his forehead, forcing his body—if he can still find where that is—to relax.

It's alright Kenshin.  You don't have to worry so much anymore... There's nothing I would do to hurt you...

He froze.  Hurt him?  Kamiya?  The thought alone was enough to make him....

Afraid.  More for her, or what his instincts might do to her if she attacked, rather than what she can do to him when she does.   

And yet...

If she should hurt him... would he be able to defend?

By now, she would have realized his secret.  The fact that he himself had special abilities, was something only two people knew about.  Dr. Genzai, and that man...

Seijuro Hiko.  The man he would rather forget if he could.  He remembered it well how Hiko saved him from Takeda Kanryu's experiments, only to deliver him to the JIB intelligence to be used as a weapon.  One of those people who trained him included General Makimachi, in fact...    

Kenshin?  

Her voice broke into his thoughts, forcing him to listen.

You're tired, Kamiya.  We can talk in the morning when you're better rested...

  

There's no time, Kenshin!!!  Demo... I want you to know that I trust you... And I know you'll do everything you can to stop anyone from completing the experiment...

I don't understand...

Listen Kenshin.  You and I...      

. . . . . . . . . .

"Termination was successful, General Katsura."

He had his back turned to the console that read her vital signs, indicating that as far as Kamiya's safety is concerned, there is little to worry about.  What he found more distressing was the fact that she tried to channel a mind-link from a different area of awareness in her brain—a process entirely novel that impressed him, as much as it shocked and disturbed those who had been observing her actions.  Actually, ever since she had been disconnected from Enishi's laboratory, the higher authorities were only too eager to proceed with the original plan.  And although their ability to trace the girl's location had been increasingly difficult since she came into contact with Himura, he knew that so long as she stayed with him, they would be able to complete the inputs needed for the new prototype.

At least before Enishi and his underground cohorts can come up with their own, even if it was bound to be an inferior copy of the pre-cog... 

"Have there been any readings of their location, Lt. Seiji?"

"None sir.  Our scientists are doing their best to re-establish neural pulse connections, but so far, no results have yet been reported."

"I see.  And have you tried contacting the Admiral?  He should be able to help us in some way..."

"Yes sir, but he hasn't returned any of our calls.  His secretary informed us though, that he won't be back from Switzerland until next week, sir."

"That so?  Will you please tell Dr. Genzai to step into my office as soon as he has time?  I'm sure Kamiya won't be giving him unnecessary trouble for the night.  And I'm interested in seeing a transcript of that interaction, so tell the doctor to bring it with him."   

"Yes sir, he shall be told, sir."

"Very well."

. . . . . . . . . .

                    

Morning.  Megumi found herself at Kamatari's office, mind sifting through a dozen memories of last night.

"That's bullshit."

Megumi threw a look at her superior, eyebrows raised in discomfort.  "Pardon me?"

Kamatari snickered, gazing at the wall where Megumi had been looking before the conversation started.  "I was talking about the painting.  You seem to have a peculiar interest in nudes."

Megumi frowned, but with a smirk.  "I was thinking of something else.  Actually, I'm not the artistic type."

"Oh."

"So why do you have to see me?  Anything urgent?"

Kamatari's deep green eyes flickered.  "You know very well why.  You were at the Institute last night.  You reported a while ago that some files were missing.  I've just read the police report on the break-in, and I'm slightly curious about some of the details you've mentioned to the police."

Megumi cocked her head sideways, showing her best angle.  Kamatari seemed to notice her sudden nearness, but leaned backwards in her seat, perhaps to get a better view of her, perhaps to avoid possible contact.

Either way, Megumi knew that much about Kamatari to guess what the wo/man have in mind...

"What details are we talking about?"

"You said you were with Sagara last night.  He's a JIB isn't he?  22nd division?"

"I guess so.  Is that a problem?"

Kamatari leaned towards Megumi, fingers gripping the edge of the table firmly, like a vise.  "I thought it was clear that JIB personnel are not supposed to intermingle under personal terms, Miss Takani.  There had been a precedent case that didn't turn out so good.  We don't want it happening again, do we?"

Changing the subject seems to be in order.  Megumi racked her brains for something to say...

"Are you talking about Shinomori?  So it wasn't all rumors, was it?"

It must have been effective.  Kamatari looked away, eyes suddenly distant, unfocused.  "No."

A realization just came to her.  It might not be the most logical question, but...

"Are you worried about Sagara?"

Kamatari leaned back, eyes searching hers unblinkingly.  "That ass?  Am I supposed to be worried about him Miss Takani?"

"What do you mean?"

Kamatari stood up and sat on the edge of the table across Megumi, face edging closer towards the doctor, eyes shining.  "Do you think I haven't figured it out?  Your real interest wasn't Sagara at all, but somebody I might have had my eyes on were he not such an exclusive JIB property..."

Megumi looked flustered, trying to read between the lines.  She couldn't understand any of it, and shook her head, this time, genuinely innocent of the accusation, if there was one.  "I don't think I have any personal knowledge of what you're talking about.  Even if I did, I don't think I know any more than you do..."

"Oh, come on, Takani.  Let's not play games anymore."

She stood up, but two hands on her shoulders kept her pinned to her seat.  "Don't you dare accuse me—"

""Tell me Megumi..." Kamatari seethed, face mere inches from her, cutting her off with a look that could make any lesser officer go weak in the knees.  "Was it nice having a chat with Mr. Himura?"

. . . . . . . . . .

It smelled so nice... pine, musk, and something more earthy like the smell of moss and rain ... The scents seemed to be everywhere she turned, making her smile as she moved into something soft, warm, cozy...

"Kamiya?"

The voice was so gentle, so warm, so familiar...  She ached to hear it again.

"Kamiya?"

Warm hands touched her forehead, brushing against her hair.  She wanted so much to be held like that—touched like that.

"Kami—"

"Kenshin..."

The hand stopped, leaving her skin.  She rubbed against the softness achingly, whimpering at the loss of that warmth.

"Don't leave... onegai..."

"Demo..."

She reached out for something blindly, her back arching forward, following a mysterious compulsion.  "Don't leave, onegai..."

Demo... Kaoru...

She smiled when she felt the sensation return, heating the chill in her body as fingers brushed against skin beneath her collar.  To savor it, she lowered her head towards the source of the warmth, pushing her cheek against the hand that lay immobile beside her face, as if frozen by the gesture.

Stay with me...just a little while longer...

A sigh.  Kenshin could hear her thoughts vaguely, whispering broken pleas in his mind, but for the life of him, didn't know whether he should follow her command and stay, or obey his instincts and leave.  Taking advantage of Kaoru's momentary confusion and delusion, due to the fever, would be unthinkable, so as much as he wanted to relieve her distress, his muscles locked, cooperating only with the most painful effort. 

Not that what she wanted was entirely against his will.  He knew that his own discomfort can only be eased by the same ministrations he was permitted to perform by touching her the way she wanted.

The way he wanted, since he held her last night.

It was a realization he wasn't prepared for, keeping him up the whole night.

He closed his eyes, letting his fingers stray contentedly on her cheek.  Kamiya... about last night... you were trying to--

Something weak, almost incoherent, cut him off, drawing his attention all the more to the flutter of movement beside him, under the sheets.

Stop...  make it stop Kenshin... It hurts...

Kamiya... He took her arm and held it above her head, panic rising as she continued to respond limply to his urgent calls, head dropping listlessly on the pillows whenever he pulled her to him.  

It hurts so much, Kenshin... It hurts...

Those were the same sensations that flooded her awareness that night, shock waves that racked and paralyzed her mind the moment she attempted to tell Kenshin everything—about the JIB, Katsura's involvement, the plans to manufacture pre-cog clones that surpass her abilities... She knew that the whole process relied on her link to the central network, her ability to manipulate connections within the matrices of that network to provide the clones with the input they needed to 'learn' from her abilities.  That was precisely the reason they drove her to find Kenshin, manipulated her mind-link with the former assassin to make it easier for her and him to fall into their trap.  The operation was called interface, and for what she had surmised back at Enishi Yukishiro's laboratory, it was the most effective means of teaching the clones all those things that humans do so well that was still far beyond the most complex programs to duplicate.

Things like instinct... emotion.... control... As a pre-cog, her interactions with human subjects would be significant in making them learn how to control and manipulate those same abilities they shared with her.  That had been the point of the experiment... the reason why she and Himura must be together...

Kenshin...

Dammit, she's burning with fever!!! he scolded himself, suddenly worried that she might be hurt in places he had overlooked.  Since last night, he had been unable to get any decent sleep, checking her over several times to assess the gravity of her physical injuries.  However, something else—something that have to do with their unfinished conversation—kept him distracted.  He had become aware that since that mind-link had been broken, he had been unable to reach her thoughts, her mind too much of a haze to indicate any thread of energy he could follow.  Now that he thought about it, he wondered whether or not there was any other explanation to it other than extreme physical exhaustion, and if there was, what he might do to deal with the effects. 

Then again, his concern has also been on other things.  Like the fact that her struggling was causing his body to grow rigid, filling him with agonizing sensations that increased at the slightest contact. 

Those were things he preferred not to notice though, refusing his body the relief it craved, even when that part of him relished the attention it was getting from her vigorous movements.

A cold shower will do it Kenshin.  And the sooner the better before you explode.

He would have sooner found a mental wall to bash his head on when she turned to him, eyes still closed, her abrupt movement flinging blankets and pillows around the bed, forcing him to hold her by the wrists to restrain her.  But the nearness only allowed him a better view of her flushed face, the beads of sweat damping her neck and chest, and the slightly parted pajama top which showed a generous mound of flesh and curve that swelled with her labored breathing.  

He could only think of one thing from thereon.

"Wait here Kamiya, I'll go get you some water."

Water... Kaoru could feel it in her mind, drowning the soft, gentle voice that called to her body in a language she hardly understood.  Immediately, she felt waves of warm liquid soothing her muscles, making her want to float atop the gentle crests weightlessly, feeling it wash over her skin, wash all over her battered body...

To Kenshin's horror, Kaoru's fingers began fiddling the buttons of the long pajama top that, loosely fitting her small frame, gave way easily to the slight tugging it received.  Before he could do anything to stop her, the clothing completely fell away, exposing a generous expanse of white creamy skin that, in more urgent circumstances that warranted concern more than interest, would have been easy to ignore. 

He could deny interest.  But it would be more difficult now that she was too near, too intimately positioned against him on a bed that was designed for love-making.

And this time, even thoughts of Tomoe didn't help.    

The only logical course of action that remained, then, would be to wake her up before she could do something out of the ordinary.

Before he could do something out of the ordinary.

Without thinking, he leaned over her and pinned her wrists to the bed, his body straddling her thighs to keep his weight from crushing her body.

He looked at her that way, pinned beneath him, her soft struggles achingly testing his self-control.

Open your eyes Kaoru, and look at me...

Blue orbs looked up at him in an instant, questioning, confused, reacting to the intimate way he called out to her...  

"Kenshin?"

He looked at her, taking in her nearness, her smallness beneath him, the childish look she gave him as he sucked in his breath—the only thing he could do to keep himself from panting. 

She remained still, speechless, as if waiting for him to say something...

He closed his eyes, trying to reach her in his mind.

You know what you can do Kaoru...

She saw him through her mind's eye and felt his worried violet eyes on her, calling out desperately for her to respond.  But, try as she might, she could not penetrate the wall that forced her to remain in the cold quietness of the darkness around her, a darkness that kept her from reaching out to him.

Dammit, talk to me Kaoru!!!

He felt her reluctance and pushed himself off her, landing on his elbow beside her on the bed.  Her passive response to say the least had shocked him.  The knowledge that she could have thrown him off with a single gesture, a single look the way she would respond to any intimate attack, forced him to accept fears he had tried vaguely to suppress. 

That she was hurt... hurt beyond understanding and helping, and therefore hurt beyond anything he might do to relieve it.  What nagged him of course, was the knowledge that he was largely the cause of that weakness—that if she had not given him most of the energy he needed to survive his own injuries, she would have had better chances of recovery.

And then there was also that abrupt closure last night.  He remembered how the mind-link forced him out without warning, terminating the conversation so abruptly it left him confused and dizzy, as if some force had physically attacked him.

Then again, that didn't sound too impossible...

"Kamiya?"

She wanted to call out to him, to say what she knew was the reason for his concern.  But the pain... She knew that the pain last night had to do with her programming, had to do with the fact that she could control the clones as much as they control her, and through them, the JIB had been quite effective in monitoring her movements, even her thoughts.  Though she had enough abilities to shield her and Kenshin from most intrusions, she knew that somehow they found a way to effectively block any attempt on her part to override the program and reveal the nature of the experiment to anyone that might endanger its outcome.  In other words...

There is no way the JIB would let her tell Kenshin what he needed to hear... 

And this time, it was not just the pain that warned her...

*It is useless to fight it, Kaoru Kamiya.  Whether you decide to kill him or not, Kenshin Himura will be eliminated at all costs...   

She closed her eyes, gathering all her energy to lash at the unwanted presence that forced itself on her.

But it was stronger... 

*I told you it will be useless.  My being here is just an example of how you might suffer should you continue to resist... 

She felt a sudden pressure against her temple, stinging her with a pain that made her nauseous.  She blinked back the tears that came with the effort to suppress the sensation.

Why can't you just leave him alone?

 *How can we, knowing that your connection to him threatens our very existence?

She shook her head, feeling the anger rise to her throat. 

That's bull.  The JIB knows I've done everything to make certain that Kenshin won't interfere.   

*You must mean Tomoe Yukishiro of course.  Demo, there's every reason to doubt that direct contact between you and Himura had not, already, begun to alter that possibility...

I don't understand...

*Human emotions can be so powerful, contaminating whatever it touched.  Your feelings for Kenshin Himura are no exception, and that is precisely what puts us, and the system, at risk.  Because of the mind-link you share with him and with the very system that binds us, it would be very easy for him to use you, in ways that may threaten our existence and very soon, that of every pre-cog clone on this planet.   Not that it meant our enemies will succeed, of course.  However, the human factor has always been unpredictable, and risks cannot be tolerated at this stage of the experiment...

Kaoru felt her temple throb violently in response to the revelation, but her mental voice was as calm as death when she spoke.  

Your reasons may make sense, but there are reasons that are simply unacceptable, no matter how much logic you put into it. 

*I don't think our program admits any argument for 'acceptability' Kaoru Kamiya.   Fact is not a matter of acceptance, which is why the human inability to change it inevitably leads to changing feelings towards it. 

Maybe.  But I'm not changing my mind.  And it would be useless to try and make me. 

*Should we report that statement back to the General? It seems that you have made a final choice...

It does sound like that, doesn't it?  And if General Katsura wants to find Kenshin, he better look harder.  Cause there's no way I'm giving you--or anyone--that kind of information.           

*I see.  I admire you Kaoru Kamiya.  Your capacity to choose as you will, beyond the dictates of logic or purpose is perhaps, the only thing we might never understand.  But that is only natural, I suppose, since our primary task is to exceed your limits.                       

Is that so? she blurted, even if the nauseating pain only increased with the effort.  You know I will do everything to stop you...

*And we know you will fail.  Statistical probabilities are after all, based on mathematical precision that predetermines chance or accident.  There is nothing you can do to change it.  This explains why your choice to cooperate or not, is almost irrelevant.  Nothing in what you choose to do, or not to do can alter the possibilities leading to your own termination, or Himura's.  Therefore, your resistance is nothing more than delaying the inevitable...      

. . . . . . . . . .  .

 

"Dr. Genzai, please, take your seat..."

"I really prefer to remain standing, General Katsura.  I was told that you needed the transcript of the last recorded communications link we've established with Miss Kamiya."

"Very well, do you have it with you, Doctor?"

The old man shuffled papers in his bag, and handed the officer a blue folder.

"That's all we can get.  You know that we're still having problems with the transmission.  However, Kioku  was more successful in recording her interaction with Miss Kamiya, which again, provides stronger evidence that the link between prototype and clone is improving..."

"I see.  Are you certain that is all, Doctor?"

The old man hesitated, adjusting his glasses.  "All?  That depends on your expectations, General..."

The taller man stood up, and walked to the window of his office.  Outside, the busy streets of Tokyo hummed with the sound and energy that he could vaguely hear from behind the insulated walls of the building.

"You see, I was wondering if you can tell me anything about Himura.  I heard that you have had the opportunity of using him as a subject in one of your studies..."

"That was such a long time ago.  He was not yet Himura then."   

"Care to discuss some details of this study, Doctor?"

"I'm sure the IPTD journals have a lot more to say on the matter.  You see, I hardly keep track of such things myself, and my memory had suffered gross abuses in recent years to be able to give any accurate account of such inquiries."

"Good thing I did my homework then, Doctor" the General told him, dropping a booklet on the desk right in front of the old man.  "In an article you wrote fifteen years ago, you mentioned that one of your subjects exhibited exceptional skills resembling those of a pre-cog in every aspect save one.  Would you care to elaborate on that one aspect, even if only to humor my curiosity?  I'd really like to know."

The old man removed his glasses, giving the General a hard stare.  "I don't see any connection between this article you speak of, and Mr. Himura.  I think I deserve to be informed whether my statements will be taken as evidence of this connection."

"That will depend ultimately on what you are willing to disclose, Doctor.  And it is, as I've said, entirely up to you..."                     

. . . . . . . . . .  .

"Kamiya?"

She woke up with s start, feeling fingers on her chin let go, purple depths looking with so much worry, so much concern.  She had never seen that look before and vaguely wondered if it had been motivated by anything she might have done, any danger she might have made him believe...  

"Gomen, Kenshin, I didn't catch what you were saying.  I must be so sleepy I—"

He released her arm gently, allowing it to drop beside her on the bed, his eyes not leaving her face even when she had begun to blush like hell for not being able to finish her sentence.   

"There's something on your mind...Kenshin..."

He looked away, his profile lighting up as a sliver of light fell on it.  "Nothing.  You were talking in your sleep and I was worried.  That's all."    

She knew it wasn't everything, but...

"Kenshin..."

He turned to her and she was smiling with that wistful, half-hopeful, half-sad smile that touched him in ways he'd sometimes rather not think about. 

"...you might want to get some sleep, Kenshin.  You're so pale I can see daylight right through you..."

She tried to smile, hiding her own worry, relieved when his eyes grew wide with amusement at the suggestion.   In the next second, he was wrapping her tightly in a blanket, and in another, had pulled her into his arms to carry her halfway across the room.

"Kenshin?"

"Hai?"

"I'm heavy. You might want to let me walk for a change."

He smiled, noticing that she hadn't forgotten THAT.  Not that he was even serious when he first mentioned it, even if only in his thoughts.

For some strange reason, he found it almost....

Funny.

"I doesn't bother me that much so stop worrying about your weight, Kamiya."

She pouted at him, looking away to hide her embarrassment.  "I'm not the one who's got unattended injuries anyway, so if I'm worried about anything, my weight would be the last on my list."

"Really now," he chuckled, catching her childish glare at him.  "So you wouldn't mind if I tell you you're actually heavy?"

She looked away, frowning, contradicting the obvious.  "No."

He smiled.  "Good.  Cause you're not.  In fact, you should eat a little more.  You're almost weightless."

She stared at him, watching his eyes take on a particular gravity when he reached out with one free hand into the cabinet and began taking out bandages. 

She felt very much like a corpse about to be mummified.

And yet...

It was hard to see his features, but she was almost certain about one thing.

He was almost smiling, and it felt good.

She snuggled deeper into his chest, surprising him with the feel of her head rubbing against bare skin.

"Comfortable aren't we?"

Another chuckle.  She felt like jabbing him, if she weren't worried about his arm.  "No.  Just sleepy.  I haven't had sleep for weeks.  Enishi made it a point to keep me awake every minute..."

Kenshin just had to breath sharply at the sound of his name.  Awake every minute?  How?

He tried to push indecent thoughts out of the way as she scowled at him.

"Not in the least close to THAT, I'm sure, Kenshin!!!!"

This time, he didn't immediately respond, and it made her nervous as tiny sparks of amber came and went in his eyes.  "I hope so.  For his sake."

She tried to smile, to brush away the hate in his eyes.  "You are SO nice, Kenshin.  You worry like an older brother, but it feels nice."

She snuggled more closely against his warmth as cold air brushed against her cheek, making her shiver.  Closing her eyes, she could only sigh contentedly, breathing in his scent.  To come this close, and yet hold back so much...

His hand went tighter around her frighteningly small body, firm but gentle as he adjusted her weight against him, wanting her to be in the most comfortable position, cradled in his arms just like that.

Just like that, in fact.  And he felt strange about it.  Like it was natural to just hold her close to him like this, and never let her go...

He frowned at that.  It wasn't right.  It couldn't be right.

But for now, he would have to do what was necessary.

He held her close.

. . . . . . . . . . .