If Only
by Bluestar
Disclaimer: Heavy Gear does not belong to me. I am making no profit from this story. It's just for enjoyment.
If only . . .
If only Dirx hadn't died on that ill-fated mission.
If only Lieutenant Augusta had known sooner of the Earthers' attack.
If only Rank hadn't gone over to the CEF.
If only Wallis hadn't been captured by the SLEDGEs.
If only Sebastian hadn't been killed by the CEF's GREL-oriented bioweapon.
If only I could have done something.
We went on - the Dragons and the Vanguard melded in our fight against Earth. Me, Yoji, Zerve, Tachi, Sonja, Serge, Groonz. I lead the Shadow Vanguard, with Yoji my faithful second-in-command. Others joined us - Gear pilots from all over the planet. We went on. We became the most infamous resistance group in the history of Terra Nova. But we never really recovered from losing our friends.
The resistance went on. At least, until the SLEDGEs came. Then our base was torn down, the Shadow Vanguard scattered, and all that's left now is this pile of rubble and a graveyard full of the brave people who gave their lives to defend their home.
I run my fingers over the faint lettering on Augusta's tombstone. I wonder what it must be like to die. Some people think that immortality would be a wonderful thing. How wrong they are. This life of mine is a curse. I watch my friends slip away from me one by one, powerless to do anything. Even as I am hailed as 'the Legend,' even as people whisper of the impossible victories I achieved long ago, I find myself becoming more withdrawn than ever.
My face is still the same one that Jan Augusta and the others saw when they first knew me. But oh, how much has changed since then.
I'm glad you're not here to see this future, Lieutenant. I wonder if it would depress you as much as it does me.
"Marcus?" A touch on my shoulder rouses me to the present.
"I'm coming, Yoji. I just wanted to say goodbye to them all before we go." I rise and follow her out of the graveyard and the ruins of what was once the Shadow Vanguard's base.
Yoji stops and looks back, and for a moment I see a tear in the battle-hardened woman's eye.
"Too many memories, Yoji?"
She turns to me. "Yes," she admits. She closes her eyes, but a tear still leaks out and trickles down her face. She says nothing, but she doesn't need to - the words are clear in her face. The unspeakable, indescribable final loss of good friends.
A flash of red catches my eye, and I reach out to touch the soft petal of the flower that bears that colour. Long ago, someone planted a kelaki bush here. I think it might have been Tachi. I break off a newly grown kelaki blossom, smiling at its gentle fragrance.
I tuck it in close to my heart. I suppose as long as I do the same with the memories of Augusta and the others, they will never really die. It is a comforting thought. As I turn to leave, I can almost hear Dirx's voice. "Quit hanging around, guys! We've got a job to do."
"So do I," I whisper to him.
Yoji steps up next to me. Over the silent desert air, I can hear the roar of the hijacked Orca transport. "It's time to go, Marcus."
I turn to look at my second-in-command. "I know. I just wanted to say goodbye."
She nods understandingly. Then the noise of the transport is too loud for us to speak any more, and we wait as it lands. We're needed elsewhere.