A/N: I own absolutely nothing. Tis a one shot and I thought it was rather humourous when I wrote it, but that was almost seven years ago.
Enjoy.
Sunday morning at seven, Duo Maxwell was up and ready to leave the house he now shared with the other pilots.
He was downstairs drinking his coffee, eating his breakfast of pancakes and bacon and was reading Saturday's paper, when his housemates of three days walked in.
"Am I dreaming?" Quatre Raberba Winner asked as he stopped dead in his tracks.
His best friend Trowa Barton pinched him in the arm.
"Ow!" Quatre exclaimed. "What was that for?" he asked as he rubbed his arm where Trowa pinched him.
"You're not dreaming." Trowa told him.
"Thanks." He muttered dryly.
"Don't worry about it Quatre." Heero Yuy said.
"Ya," Wu-Fei Chang added. "He probably didn't even go to bed yet."
"But he did." Quatre protested. "He went to bed before me."
That stopped them.
Duo looked up and smiled that stupid goofy grin at the four.
"Hey guys!" Duo said. "About time you woke up. There are pancakes and bacon for ya in the oven. Hurry up and eat before it gets cold."
"Who are you and what did you do to our Duo?" Trowa demanded
"Trowa shut up, it's me."
"Why are you up so early?" Heero asked curiously.
"It's Sunday." He said as if it explained everything.
"I'm aware of that."
"I'm going to church."
"You? At church?" Wu-Fei asked.
"I always go on Sundays."
"Oh, I got to see this." Quatre exclaimed.
The others nodded their heads in agreement.
"Well hurry up then. I'm leaving in thirty minutes."
At seven fifty-five, the five guys reached the church Duo goes to.
"Alright guys," Duo said. "Mass starts at eight o'clock and it ends at nine. No talking, follow along in the book I gave you all, kneel when I kneel when I kneel. Stand when I stand, and stay seated when I go up to get the host. Try to say the prayers and sing along with the hymns when you want to. Oh and no laughing."
"Yes dad." They said in unison.
"Don't make me put you in the baby room." Duo threatened.
They entered the church and mimicked everything that Duo did. They blessed themselves with the holy water. (They used their left arm instead of their right and Duo had to correct them.)
Duo sat in the back row on the far side of the church just in case he needed a quick escape and he was praying to God that his friends would behave themselves and that he wouldn't need the escape.
He sighed, kneeled down in the pew and started to pray. His friends followed suit (even adding the sigh).
Quatre looked around and was silent for a few minutes, and then he tapped Duo on the shoulder.
"What?" Duo whispered.
"What are we supposed to be doing?" He whispered back.
"You are supposed to be praying."
"Oh."
Duo resumed his own praying fervently, and a few minutes later Quatre tapped his shoulder again.
Duo sighed again and looked at Quatre.
"What do we pray for?"
"Good health, for your loved ones anything."
"Oh."
Quatre turned to the others and repeated to them what Duo told him.
A few minutes later, Duo blessed himself again and sat down.
The four shrugged again and did the same, doing it wrong yet again.
Duo grabbed the hymn when he heard Wu-Fei and Heero fighting in low voices.
"Enough!" Duo said quietly, but sharply.
Wu-Fei nudged Heero once more and Heero did the same.
A glare from Duo made them stop.
Just as the two boys settled down the choir started up and everyone stood up waiting for the Priest to walk by.
The four pilots were pretty good past the greeting and they were fine with the Penitential Rites and they were silent through the Kyrie.
But when the Gloria was being said they started talking.
"No, no, no." Trowa said to Quatre. "You're saying it wrong. It's 'Lord God, heavenly King, almighty God and Father; we worship You, we give You thanks, we praise You for Your glory'."
"Sorry. I started saying a pray to my God."
"Same guy, different names for different religions." Trowa shrugged.
They talked like that until Duo shut them up after the 'Amen'.
The opening prayer is a silent prayer. Duo bowed his head and prayed and the four guys followed.
After a few seconds, Heero whispered loudly to Wu-Fei.
"What are we praying for again?"
"I dunno. Ask Duo." Wu-Fei answered.
"Psst. Duo." Heero whispered loudly again. "What are we praying for again?"
"I'm praying that the four of you will lose your voices until mass is over." Duo told him darkly.
"Soooorrrrrryyyyyyy."
A few minutes later, Trowa leaned towards Quatre and whispered loudly.
"When can we sit down?"
Quatre stared at Trowa. "Trowa, look at who you are asking."
Duo shot the two a dark look and said 'amen'.
They were allowed to sit during the 'Liturgy of the Word' and the four guys sat with a sigh.
During the first reading the four listened to the word of God for a while then Wu-Fei announced in a loud whisper that he liked the word of God.
"You would." Quatre muttered. "The Bible believes that women should keep their mouths shut and to follow the orders of men."
"Just as it should be." Wu-Fei nodded as he folded his arms across his chest.
"Now we know why you never have a girlfriend." Heero said.
"Shut Up!" Duo whispered harshly then after a few minutes. "Thanks be to God."
After the First Reading, the Responsorial Psalm was said. Duo didn't bother with it and turned to his four friends.
"I know I did a lot of awful stuff to you guys, but please I'm really begging you. Shut Up!"
"Yes Duo." They said as one.
The Second Reading went by with out an incident. After the 'Thanks Be to God', Duo stood and sang the 'Alleluia'. When that was done the gospel was said and the four Gundam pilots stood yawning.
After the Gospel everyone was sitting and the priest said the 'homily'
The four didn't pay any attention to it. Trowa took knives out and started to sharpen them. Wu-Fei took a book out and read. Heero took apart and put back together the gun he kept on him, repeatedly. And Quatre started humming one of the hymns of his religion.
Duo looked over at his friends after the priest was through and his jaw dropped open at the sight of his friends.
"Give me the weapons! And the books!" Duo ordered his Heero, Trowa and Wu-Fei.
Heero and Trowa sighed and handed Duo their weapons and Wu-Fei handed his book to Duo also. With a stern look from Duo, Quatre stopped humming his song.
The Profession of Faith had already started by the time Duo stood and started to recite.
After that were the General Intercessions and the Liturgy of the Eucharist. The four pilots were quiet for the rest of the mass.
After the dismissal, everyone filed out of the church and into the van.
When the five pilots were in the van Duo turned to look at his fellow pilots.
"Never again! Never again shall I ever bring you four with me to mass."
"Why?" Quatre asked pleasantly. "It was fun!"
Duo cursed them in every language he knew as he pulled out of the parking lot.
"Why Duo, that isn't something you should be saying still on church property." Heero admonished.
Duo cursed some more and the four pilots grinned in triumph for they had finally gotten Duo back for all the stunts he has ever pulled on them.