TITLE: "Adventures in Clubbing"

AUTHOR: Doctor Strangelove (strangelove317@hotmail.com)
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Um, I don't know. No particular spoilers. Visser Three is still Visser Three.
FEEDBACK: I'd love it.
DISCLAIMER: K. A. Applegate owns the Animorphs.
TO REVIEWERS: Jinako-chan: Marco's revenge is actually the entire reason this fic exists. I thought up that little scene and tried to think of a way to make it into a fic. Thus, "Adventures in Clubbing" was born! Oh, well, you should dislike the Yeerk. He's evil. Damn Visser. And technically he will break Marco's heart. But not until the last few chapters. Oh yeah, I've got everything planned out now. Right now it's 22 chapters, but it might be longer. I at least know how it's gonna end. Here's your Tobias chapter. I think he narrates two or three more after this one. Tom's gonna be narrating twice. And Tom's Yeerk and Cassie will also make guest appearances as narrator. Oh, and you need to update "Be Stupid". Very soon.
Lisa-Ann: Yes, exactly. And no brats!
Kay: Whoo-hoo! Phonecard! Now I can call people! For free! YES! That's even more incentive to update.
Aaren: Cassie and Rachel are NOT lesbians. Marco was just being mean. Cassie and Rachel are very heterosexual. As far as I know.
Aqua Rhapsody: I'll try to update more. Though it seems every time I say that, I update less.
oobergoober: Well, actually Marco's bisexual. That's kinda like straight. Except he also likes guys.
Riley: More OJ! Yes! And Austin Powers is a great movie. You should quote it more often in reviews.

"Adventures in Clubbing"

Written by: Doctor Strangelove

My name is Tobias. I don't really have anything witty to say, so why don't we just skip to the part were I tell you what's going on. I want to start off by saying that I really respect Marco. He's a great guy. Got a great sense of humor and has proven on more than one occasion that he can do something really brave and heroic. That being said, the guy's an idiot.

Okay, Marco, despite his constant commenting on women around him, is very obviously attracted to guys. One particular Andalite guy in particular. Those two have got more sexual tension than Jake and Cassie. You'd have to be blind, deaf, and dead not to notice it. But since those two are so damn slow in getting together, I've decided to give them a hand. It's for their own good. Okay, it's mostly because I'm bored and it's more entertaining than watching The Young and the Restless and Passions. Plus this has a lower chance of amnesia and/or evil twins.

"Tobias?" A voice startled me from my scheming and, wouldn't you know it? It was Marco. Damn, that guy's got good timing.

Oh, hey, Marco. What are you doing here?

He shrugged, "The cable's out at my place. Figured I'd come over and watch some TV with you and Ax. Since you seem to get every channel. Where is Ax-man?"

He said something about going to the beach. He's probably morphed into a fish.

Marco raised an eyebrow and I just noticed that he only has the one, "Fish?"

I shrugged, which now that I think about it is kind of a weird thing for a bird to do. Old habit, I guess. He says it soothes him.

"I guess I can watch TV with just you," Marco plopped down on the sofa next to me. "So what are you watching?"

Oh, nothing. As if on cue the TV chose that time to announce "We now return you to Gilmore Girls." Marco smiled and raised his eyebrow at me again. Don't judge me.

"I just don't see why you want to watch Gilmore Girls when you could be watching much better TV. Like Buffy."

I mentally smirked. Hawk face doesn't really allow to do it. And your watching Buffy has nothing to with the two lesbian witches on it?

"Well not since Tara died."

I guess that makes sense. Wait. Tara died?

Marco nodded, "Yeah."

When?

"Last season. After she got back together with Willow."

She broke up with Willow?

Marco laughed, "Damn, you haven't watched it for a while."

I nodded and I think Marco flinched a little, Not since the musical. Marco proceeded to fill me in on what I had missed in the last year and it took me a while to get back with my plan. So, Marco, how are things going with Tom?

He groaned and filled me in on what had been happened in the week since we had visited the club. Apparently Tom told Marco he would call and then he actually called. Proof positive that he's not an ordinary guy. The two hung out, went on a few unofficial dates, and will be going on an official one tomorrow night. To a Sharing meeting. That Yeerk's not very subtle.

We're gonna have a lot to fill Jake in on when he gets better, Marco nodded in agreement and a thought occurred to me, Now that I think about it, Jake's been sick for an awfully long time.

"I kinda figured he was faking it lately to get out of having to do any Animorph work."

Makes sense. Maybe he should just stay fake-sick. Just until you finish this mission.

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to telling Jake I've been hitting on his older brother. Have you ever noticed how alike Jake and Tom look?"

I thought about it, You know, they do look a lot alike. That's creepy. So when you're with Tom it's kinda like you're with Jake.

Marco nodded in disturbed agreement, "Now, that's creepy."

Especially if... well, what exactly do you do on your dates with Tom?

"What do you mean, what do I do?"

Do we need to have a discussion about the birds and the bees? 'Cause you know that whole stork thing? It's a big conspiracy.

Marco glared at me, and then started laughing. "Conspiracy, huh?"

Yep. Although, I guess an alien that looks human 24/7 would have less complications.

"Yeah. Wait, what?"

Oh, shouldn't have said that. Okay, well, I was trying to play matchmaker, and that's what I'll do. Gotta be subtle. Marco, remember all those hypothetical situations of if Ax liked you and if the two of you were that way? Oh screw subtle. Well, they're not that hypothetical. He does and you are.

Marco had the most bewildered expression I've ever seen, "What?"

Ax likes you. In fact, he likes you a lot. He's just been afraid to tell you. There's a whole thing with the Andalite culture, it's too much to explain. The point is, you've got somebody that really likes you. And before you get on the whole thing about you two being guys, so what? Ax is gay and he's fine with it. And you, you act all macho and everything but it's pretty damn obvious you've got a thing for member's of your own gender.

Now you have two choices. You pretend I didn't say any of that and go on courting Jake's evil alien brother, or you can listen to me and haul your ass down to the beach and find Ax. Marco sat blinking at me. Marco? I think I broke him.

After a minute Marco started moving again, "He... I... what? I um... I gotta go." With that Marco had morphed into a bat and was off flying.

Good job, me. I sat there for a minute, pretty proud of what I just did. Then I took Marco's advice and switched the TV over to Buffy.