TITLE: "Adventures in Clubbing"

AUTHOR: Doctor Strangelove (strangelove317@hotmail.com)
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Um, I don't know. No particular spoilers. Visser Three is still Visser Three.
FEEDBACK: I'd love it.
DISCLAIMER: K. A. Applegate owns the Animorphs.
TO REVIEWERS: Tinuelenath: Yay! A fan! I decided to update this as soon as possible. This chapter covers what's bugging the little blue Andalite. Also, I loved your points about flamers. Very true
Jinako-Chan: Hey, Ax has legitimate reasons for what he did. You can hit Tom all you want, though. Yes, hug Marco. He's got tough times ahead and he needs all the hugs he can get. Aaahh!!!! The Hulk! You don't have to kill them. Wait till the fic's over and then decide who to kill. Tom finding about about Marco and the Animorphs? That's ridiculous. Never gonna happen. Stop trying to guess plotlines. Yep, I can't wait to see Tobias's reaction too. Is that weird? Aw, no "Be Stupid" sequel? I guess that means I should probably read "Threads of Fate", huh? I don't know why, but I haven't been in the mood to read fanfiction lately.
Chibi Bulma: Yes, it was sad. Now you get to see Ax's reasoning.
Aqua Rhapsody: It was a little short. I'm disappointed in that. I'm gonna have to make these chapters longer. Right now I just make sure they're 1000 words. This one's short too. I think after this one they'll be getting longer when we get to the actual Yeerk's plan.
Aaren: I was kinda worried people worried people wouldn't like the Marco arguing with himself stuff. Guess I was wrong. I'm glad you liked this chapter, everyone else seems angry at it.
Larania: Finally! I wanted people to pity Ax and instead they just seemed to angry with him.

"Adventures in Clubbing"

Written by: Doctor Strangelove

My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. I was running. I ran and ran and I continued to run until I had a sharp pain in my legs. I was still a little wobbly on them and I collapsed on the ground.

I looked up and noticed I was near the forest where I live. I rested myself against a tree and sat there crying. The scene continued to play in my head.

"Oh thank, God." Marco threw his arms around me and suddenly we were kissing. This was not like the times in the club. It was different. It has a warmth and seemed to be like the kisses people have on the television.

Marco was kissing me. This should be everything I ever wanted. But it wasn't.

I pulled away. "Marco... I... This is all too much. There are things that you... I don't even understand them. But it's... it's..." I saw the look of pain and confusion on Marco's face as I tried to put into words the problems. It was all too much. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of there.

"I can't."

I ran. Instinct took over and I ran. I ran and ran and I continued to run...

And that's where I am now. It was all too much. I sat there on that tree crying and trying to understand and I'm not really sure when but I eventually cried myself to sleep.

*****

My eyes snapped open. I looked around in the pitch black darkness and I began to panic. I had fallen asleep. In morph. I concentrated and felt my human flesh melt away and a smooth blue fur replaced it. It had been nearly two hours.

I decided to use the darkness to my advantage and didn't bother morphing back to my human form. My natural state felt comforting and I stayed that way as I slowly walked back to my scoop.

My thoughts began to overwhelm me and I had to focus to think of why I had done what I did. Marco wanted to be with me and I had turned him down. When it happened I didn't really understand it. I just knew I had to do it. Now I needed to know why.

First there was the fact that this was a war. A war is no place for a relationship. We could get killed or something worse. Good reason.

Second, there's the fact that we're friends. Could ruin our friendship. Don't want to do that.

When the war's over and we both survived there'd be all sorts of problems with my home world. It'd be very complicated and a disgrace to my family.

Those are some great reasons.

To quote a saying Marco's fond of, they're bullshit.

The real reason is that I'm scared. I'm terrified to get close because we're not the same species and that has so many problems. Tobias has often said that he's not the same species as Rachel but it's not the same. He was born a human. I wasn't.

Marco is not an Andalite. No matter how brave and heroic he is and even with the morphing ability he's not an Andalite. Interspecies romance is a terrible disgrace to the Andalite race. I could never do that to Mother and Father and Elfangor. He's not good enough.

Then there's that Marco is a wonderful person. He's incredibly brave and funny, I'm told, and I feel that sometimes, I'm not good enough. That he's too good for me.

I'm so worried that he's not good enough and that I'm not good enough and no one is good enough I don't understand anything! I just know that this was what I needed to do.

There's also the fact that I'm absolutely terrified to face anyone with a relationship. My home world, this world, the other Animorphs. And I know that Marco would want to be open and I couldn't do that. That's not me and I just couldn't. I'm too scared of what my people think.

I'm basing so much on what my people would think and I don't even know who my people are. I was born an Andalite and I was raised with those beliefs and customs and ways of life. I was trained in the Andalite military and taught to think the Andalite way. But I feel so at home on Earth. I identify with these people. I feel comfortable in my human body. I'm basing my happiness on what my people think. It's stupid, because I have two people. And those people clash and contradict and it's very confusing. Maybe I should base my decisions on what I think. I think it was the right thing to do. I know it was the right thing to do.

This was the right thing to do. I know that. The reasons confuse me, but I felt it in my hearts. It was the right thing to do.

Right? I asked aloud and my only answer was a cool night breeze. Right.

It was the right thing to do.