Is There More?
Author: Knowhere
Chapter 8: Timing
Rating: Pg-13
Disclaimer: Zero, Zilch, Zip.
AN: [Insert the norm: the thanks for reading and for the reviewing.]
Side Note: If anyone would like an e-mail notifying them of updates, I would be more than happy to do so…just drop me a line to say you'd like that.
FYI: This is the updated version…thanks to the person who had mentioned that I had accidentally named Tyler's girlfriend, Kate, and also Jess's new gal the same. So it is now changed to Jill…sorry for the confusion.
Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.
"Hey, you okay there?"
"Oh yeah…I'm doing fine, just fine." I manage to smile through my thoughts will questions of doubt and of acceptance are running through my mind. I lean my head on the cool window glass to try to freeze my thoughts. The freeway signs are passing in a green and white of blur and I can't help but notice the proximity of Jess. He's right next to me; normally, I would probably lean my head on his shoulder but now that I've come to this new revelation, I don't know how to quite act. Do I just flat out tell him that I think I'm in love with him? How in the world would I do that? 'Oh, by the way Jess, you know how I've always told you that we were just friends and nothing else? Well, after all these years I found out that I'm just lying to the both of us and I want to do something about it.' What kind of crack-pot conversation is that? Deep breaths, Rory, you can do this…I hope.
"We're here." Jess reaches over and grabs my hand to help me up but I can only feel the heat radiating from his skin to mine. Good thing he doesn't notice my blush as he stands to grab my small bag from the overhead compartment.
I step off the bus with Jess holding my hand like I'm a little child, but I don't complain; I rather enjoy the contact. I take a moment to soak in the sight of Jess as he tries to hail a cab for us. Today, I think he looks very comfortable, and yet very classic-Jess. He's wearing a black Counter Culture shirt with a white thermal underneath and dark stone-washed jeans. I shake my head thinking about how I could ignore all the signs of infatuation and of love. I have always thought of Jess as an attractive guy, but why did I never acknowledge my actual feelings for him?
I can tell that there are going to be some tense times up ahead.
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I've found out that missing school is not the best thing for me; I can't follow anything in my Lit class and I seriously don't know what's going on. Maybe with luck, Jess is studying something similar and can explain when I get home. I glance at the clock that ticks away the minutes of my life I'm preparing to pack up my stuff and head on to the library to study. I place the cap back onto my blue pen after I jot down the last note that the professor comments on. Just as I shove in my last book into my backpack, the teacher reminds us that our papers are due tomorrow. Geez, how could I have forgotten amidst of all this relationship commotion? This paper is worth ¼ of my grade and I've only written a rough draft with no corrections on it. I need to get to the library to get cracking on his thing. I don't remember a time in which my life has been any more complicated.
A gentle vibration and a slight buzz goes off in my backpack. I look on the face of the phone and see the simple name, 'Jess.' I flip the phone open to greet him. "Hey you."
"Hey Rory. What's going on?"
"Nothing, I just got out of my Lit class and I remembered that I've got a paper due tomorrow. I've barely even started; I'm going to be up all night, so you better have the coffee ready."
"Actually, I'm going out tonight but I'll make sure that you have plenty of that life-sustaining liquid to keep you up, okay? I just wanted to let you know where I am so you wouldn't be worried or anything." His soft and gruff voice bounces off the phone and into my ear like music. I've got it bad. The simple sound of his voice is enough to make me think about the vivid dreams I've been having lately about him.
"Okay, thanks for letting me know." Disappointed, I say goodbye and open the revolving doors to the familiar sight of the university's library. I head towards one of the large oak tables and begin to dump the contents of my black Jansport backpack onto the table. I take out a laptop and pens and my rough draft and I begin to work on my assignment. I can tell I'm going to be here for a while.
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I lie flat on my back staring at my ceiling. It's Saturday at eight o'clock in the evening and I'm doing nothing but sit on my bed thinking about what I can't have. I remember once when I was really young there was this bright red bike I had really wanted; but because Mom was short on money those days, she couldn't buy it for me. It wasn't too bad not being able to have the bike and I didn't blame her for not being able to buy it for me. The worst thing about the whole situation was that this new girl moved in next door; her name was Beth. I went up to her and became her friend, later did I realize that it was one of the hardest friendships of my life. That girl, Beth, had everything that I wanted, and she did everything I wanted to. One day when I came home from school she was out riding her brand new shiny red bike. Man, I hated having to stick to hop-scotch when she paraded around in her new bike that I had wanted so much. Jess is like that bike to me now. I wish and wish for him every night, but in the morning I see him parading around as something that I can't have. I haven't told him about my recent discovery of my feelings yet…it's been about a month.
I guess the main concern on my behalf is his reaction. What if he doesn't feel anything any more? What if this, what if that…those kind of questions keep running through my mind, it's like I've got a twenty-four hour marathon running in there.
You know what…screw it. All these years, I've hid behind the comfort and the peace of traveling the road that everyone has taken; the safe route, the one that the typical 'girl next door' would take. Well, I'm sick of it. I'm going to just go up to Jess and tell him that I think I've fallen in love with him. He's an adult, he can take his kind of shocking news, right?
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I hear the front door opening and the muffling of voices. Gathering up my courage, I open up my door to prepare to tell Jess that I love him. Several situations run through my head as I try to make up a way to ease it into a conversation. However, my thoughts screech to a sudden halt as I see him with a pretty blonde that's hanging on his arm.
"Oh, Rory; I'm glad you're home. I want you to meet Jill." He's smiling that genuine smile that I've never seen before with a date. He's smiling like he does when we hang out; he's never done that before with anyone but me.
An unfamiliar emotion surges through my veins…jealously. If only I had told him a couple of weeks, heck, maybe a couple of days earlier, this would have been a lot easier. I can't tell him now, can I? My timing can be really bad when it comes to making monumental decisions in my life.
Irony is the ever present theme of my life these days…Jess is that shiny red bike and Jill is that have-it-all neighbor Beth from many years ago.
AN: I hope that you're not screaming too loud at your computer monitor since I introduced a new girl in Jess's life; but I don't want him to just be there waiting for her with open arms the moment she realizes her true feelings; that's not always the true case in real life.. But don't worry; this is still a Literati story. Things will work out.