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Chapter 18 - Discovery
Frila sat on a radiator in the training hall, warming her butt against the early morning chill. According to the clock on the wall opposite her, Squall was almost exactly an hour late.
Maybe he'd decided there was no hope for her after all.
She yawned. Since she'd started on this manic schedule of his she had precious little time for anything, including sleep. She'd been cramming for tests she flunked months ago, and her brain was full of geography and battle formations and junction procedures.
And now she had to deal with Irvine fucking Kinneas as well.
She was surprised at herself, though. She'd risen to the challenge and she hadn't missed a single class. She had two completed papers in her bag ready to hand in, not just on time but early.
She heard footsteps coming down the hall before she should really have been able to. That was the other good thing about her new life.
Oceanus.
She could tell it wasn't Squall's footsteps, as well, but that was all her own work. She'd always been observant that way.
The doors opened.
"Hey, Frila."
She almost didn't recognise him at first, he looked so pale and serious. His hair was different; he usually left some loose around his face, all sexy and wanton, but every last bit was scraped back into his ponytail, making him look almost as severe as Squall in a bad mood. And he was dressed in old jeans and a shirt that covered far more of his flesh than usual. Which was a shame, however mad she was at him.
"Captain Kinneas," she saluted him.
He nodded. "Has Commander Leonhart gone already?"
She shrugged. "He never showed," she said. "I guess he's busy."
She was surprised by the panic that crossed his face; he reached straight for his phone and punched the speed-dial. "Excuse me," he said, and took his call to the other end of the room.
She waited patiently, head on one side, watching him. She saw the relief cross his face; the trace of a smile, a nod, and he was done.
He strode back towards her. "It's okay," he said. "He sends his apologies. Something came up."
"Thought so," she said. "I guessed it would be something important. No problem."
"So," he said. "He asked me to do some relaxation techniques with you."
"Yeah," she said. "That's what he said."
"OK. What do you usually do to relax? Off duty, I mean."
His eyes were haunted, she noticed; his voice was calm and steady, but his mind sure as hell wasn't.
"I dunno, not much. Usual stuff. Music, clubbing, sharpening my gunblade. Just like a normal teenager."
"Pretty active stuff. Do you ever do anything that involves sitting still?"
"I draw, a little." She wondered if he remembered the drawing she'd left on his note.
"Oh. Yes." He did. She could tell.
"That's not always relaxing, though," she said. "I'm a perfectionist with it, believe it or not. I get real mad, sometimes, if I can't get something right."
He nodded. "Okay. Well, we'll start with some fairly active stuff to ease you in, then. Just make sure you're standing balanced, roll your shoulders down. No, they're still up by your ears. Here." He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, thumbs kneading the base of her neck, pressing gently downwards.
She flinched at first, couldn't help herself, surprised that she was still angry with him.
"Breathe in deep," he said, "hold it in your belly for a minute. Then relax as you breathe out."
It worked. Her shoulders dropped, and she felt some of the stiffness leave the muscles of her neck and upper back from all the gunblade training. It felt good.
"That's it." His voice was soft, soothing. "Good. Now, I'm going to move my hands and I want you to follow them, without touching. Just imagine you're a mirror."
He raised his hands in front of him, and she put hers up to match them, palms facing each other, almost but not quite touching. She looked into his eyes, and was surprised by what she saw there. He looked almost… afraid.
The doors slammed open, making them both jump.
"Irvine Kinneas, what the fuck were you playing at?"
Irvine spun round. "Xu."
"Where were you yesterday afternoon?"
If Frila had been surprised by Irvine's appearance, Xu positively shocked her. She was ghostly white, her eyes were red and swollen as if she'd been crying forever, and it looked as if she'd slept in her clothes. Or not slept at all. And she was furious.
There was something going on here, and Frila had no idea what it was. But she was intrigued, to say the least.
"Xu, I'm teaching."
"I don't care what you're fucking doing. Where were you yesterday afternoon?"
"I was in Balamb, seeing friends."
"Why didn't you answer your phone?"
Frila would have quite enjoyed this, if it wasn't for the real distress on Irvine's face. "I could come back later," she offered, but they weren't listening.
"It was switched off. By accident."
"Oh, give me some credit, you tosser."
"Xu, can we take this somewhere else?"
She ignored him. "So while Selphie was in trouble and we were frantically trying to find you, you were off whoring to feed your Guardian. That's it, isn't it?"
Frila felt her jaw drop.
"Xu, that's enough." Not Irvine's voice. Squall had joined them, with Rinoa. This was getting to be quite the party.
"No," said Irvine, with a sigh. "Let's get this over with. She's quite right. I was in a hotel room in Balamb having sex and smoking dope all yesterday afternoon. Ether really gets off on it and it made me feel good too. I switched off the phone. I'm a crap, worthless bastard. Happy, Xu? Did I leave anything out?"
Squall's face was like thunder, but Frila noticed Rinoa slipping her hand in his, and his expression softened a little.
Wow. This was way more fun than training.
"I want you two to stop this right now." Squall's voice was steel and diamonds. "And get back to work. We're not going to find Selphie if we're at each others' throats. I want you to shake hands. Now."
Irvine and Xu looked at him as if he'd asked them to eat live worms.
"Now." He repeated.
Irvine took a deep breath and held out his hand.
"Xu, we can work this out. I'm sorry. I'm really strung out about Selphie."
Frila vaguely remembered rumours about Irvine and Selphie Tilmet, but then there were rumours about Irvine and a lot of women. And a couple of men.
Xu reached out her hand.
And slapped him round the face. Hard.
"Don't you dare so much as speak her name," she hissed.
Squall blinked, Rinoa tightened her hand in his, holding him back.
"I'm sorry, Squall," Xu had turned to him. "I'm handing in my resignation. As of now. I hope you'll have the good grace to accept it."
She fled, sobbing, from the room.
Squall turned as if to follow her, but Rinoa pulled him back.
"No, Squall, leave her," she said.
"Squall, I'm so sorry," Irvine was rubbing his jaw where Xu had hit him. "I was going to tell you."
Squall sighed, a mixture of anger, irritation and a measure of despair. "I don't understand, Irvine. Not about you fucking around yesterday. I knew where you were, and I had a pretty good guess at what you were doing. I'm smarter than I look, you know, and Zell is a crap liar. But you and Xu… what is it with you two?"
"Squall," Rinoa was trying to get his attention, but he was focused on Irvine.
"I don't know," Irvine shook his head. "I guess we never got on great. She always kept her distance. But lately…"
"She's upset about Selphie," said Rinoa. "Very upset. We ought to cut her some slack."
"Well, we're all upset about Selphie," said Squall. "Irvine's got more right than anyone to be, surely? If we're making allowances…"
"No… oh. Fuck."
"I can't do without Xu, Rin. I can't do without either of you," he glared at Irvine, "but at least I can understand why Irvine's upset."
"It's not that simple," said Rinoa.
Irvine, Squall and Frila all turned to look at her, picking up the urgent tone of her voice.
"Selphie told me something while we were away, before the … mission."
Rinoa looked far from her usual confident self, Frila noticed. Her voice shook a little as she spoke.
"She told me she has a lover."
Irvine suddenly seemed very still. Frila heard him take a breath, hold it, let it out slowly. Bracing himself.
"Who?" he whispered.
Rinoa looked wretched.
"Rinoa, who? I need to know. Please."
Squall and Irvine looked at Rinoa, waiting. Frila watched Irvine's face, alarmed by the anguish in his eyes.
"She was going to tell you, when she got back… she wanted you to know."
"Rinoa, please. Tell me."
"Oh, Irvine, I can't. She'd want to tell you herself."
"She's not here. I have to know. Please, Rinoa, you can't do this to me. Please." He looked as if he might get on his knees and beg.
"Tell him," said Squall. Almost an order. Close enough that it made up Rinoa's mind.
"It's Xu," she whispered. "Irvine, I'm so sorry."
Even Squall looked surprised.
"No." Irvine shook his head. "She was joking. Not Xu. No. Or, it's a crush. Just one of those passing things."
"I'm sorry," said Rinoa. "They've been together for a long time. She didn't know how to tell you. Or any of us."
"How long?"
"Irvine, I can't…"
"Fuck, just tell me, Rinoa. Don't play games with me."
"Kinneas," growled Squall.
"Nearly two years. Since not long after Ultimecia. Irvine, I…"
But Irvine wasn't listening. Frila saw him crumple inside, tears welling in his beautiful violet eyes. He stalked out of the hall, slamming the doors behind him.
Rinoa burst into tears, Squall holding her protectively in his arms.
Frila looked at them, then at the doors, still swinging gently back and forth from the force of Irvine's exit.
"Aren't you going after him, you bastards?" she asked, completely forgetting who she was talking to. "Are you just going to let him go?"
Squall looked as if he would cheerfully chop her into pieces, if his hands weren't full.
Frila didn't hang around long enough to find out. She ran after Irvine, as fast as her legs would carry her.
* * * * * * *
He hadn't got far, just down the corridor to the training centre. She caught up with him just as he got to the doors.
He looked at her, confused. "Frila, what…"
"So, going to kill some stuff, huh?"
"Yeah, but…"
"Mind if I join you?"
He shrugged. "Up to you."
She drew her gunblade, hissed magic down it from her junction with Oceanus.
"Let's do it."
They pushed through the doors , the jungle heat of the training centre washing over them.
She was pleased with herself for the way she fought. It was her first attempt in the Training Centre since she'd started working with Squall, and just those two sessions had really made a difference.
But her achievements paled into insignificance next to Irvine's performance. He was deadly.
She hadn't really thought about what it meant to be a sniper assassin, or to have survived Ultimecia. This was a very different man to the one she knew; he was completely focused and dispassionate. The side of Irvine she thought of as laid-back and relaxed suddenly translated to cold and detached, a killer. There was nothing of Squall's rage, no charge, no roar. Just a look, a calculation, a pull of the trigger, and bang. Death.
They'd left an impressive swathe of dead grats in their wake by the time they got three-quarters round the circuit. Then Frila saw the T-Rex.
She swallowed hard, tried to remember to breathe.
"I'll stun the bastard with magic," he was saying. "You go in and rip its fucking throat out."
"You say the sweetest things," she murmured, and raised her blade.
Irvine threw her a look, his eyes gleaming with something that was probably battle lust. Then he smiled.
"You look like Squall," he said, casting a sleep spell at the beast, almost negligently.
It shook it's head, obviously confused that it should suddenly want to lie down for a nap when just a second ago it was hoping for dinner. Frila charged, blade aimed straight at the place where, according to the diagrams, she should be able to kill the creature outright. She slashed, thrust and shot. Perfect timing.
It fell dead at her feet, pumping blood in a fountain, the ground quaking from the sheer weight of the thing.
She spun round, aware of a huge grin on her face, and saw that Irvine was grinning too. A little maniacally, perhaps, but still, grinning.
She strode back to him.
"That was good," she said.
He nodded.
Quick as she could, before he had a chance to realise what she was doing, she stood on tiptoe, reached one hand round the back of his neck to pull him close, and kissed him, hard.
* * * * * * *
"Is it just me," Squall said, looking towards the doors out of the gunblade training hall, "or have I really fucked up already this morning?"
Rinoa gave a weak little laugh, and blew her nose loudly.
"I guess we could've handled it better."
"Are Selphie and Xu really…"
"Oh yes. Very much so. For two years."
"And Irvine?"
"Nothing doing there, apparently. Selphie'd told him, that she didn't want him, but not exactly why."
Squall huffed.
"I know," said Rinoa. "It wasn't fair on him. But from her point of view… she was just scared, I think. Listen, that mad gunblade cadet of yours was right, you know, we ought to go after them. What d'you say I take Xu and you take Irvine?"
Squall looked slightly panicked. "What do I say to him? 'Sorry the girl you love ran off with another woman?' I'm no good at this stuff, Rin. Really."
"You'll do just fine. Just try not to be too cross. Let him talk."
He looked helplessly at her.
"Go on. Shoo."
Not many people could get away with shooing Squall Leonhart, but Rinoa was one of them.
"But what if…"
"Come on. Walk me to Xu's office. I'll give you some tips on the way."
* * * * * * *
Irvine pulled back from Frila's kiss, breathing hard.
"Fuck," he said, his usual charm deserting him.
"Sorry," she said, not looking a bit like she meant it. "Just, wow. That was so cool."
"Me or the monster?" asked Irvine, weakly.
She gave him a cute kind of half-smile. "Both. But, hey, sorry, I know you're off limits. So let's say just the monster, shall we?"
"That would be good. Not that you're not… that is… well… uh… My life's complicated enough right now. Believe me."
"Yeah. I was noticing that. Grat."
"What?"
"Grat, behind you." She charged past him and he heard the swish and shot of her gunblade, followed by a gentle thud.
"Damn but I'm shit hot today," she said. "Do you want to do anymore of this? Because if not I wondered if you'd like to talk."
"Aren't you still mad at me?"
She shrugged. "Probably. But what the fuck. You're having a worse day than me. Come on. My roomie's away on field duty. Let me make you some coffee."
"Don't you have somewhere you should be?"
She checked her watch. "Well, I should be doing relaxation training with you for the another twenty minutes. Then I have a whole forty-five minutes off for breakfast, followed by an hour of Instructor Dincht and GF training. So, given that I can probably sneak a bagel in with me to Dincht's session and call that breakfast, I can give you a shoulder to cry on for an hour or so. Any good?"
He hesitated. He had promised himself he wouldn't see her again. At all. Or at the most, in a purely professional capacity. But gods, did he need someone to talk to.
"OK. Thanks. But just… to talk."
"I promise," she said, wiping T-Rex blood and grat innards off her blade onto a nearby vine. "Your virtue is safe with me."
* * * * * * *
"Xu?" Rinoa tried the door to Selphie's room, not altogether surprised when it opened. She'd guessed that if Xu wasn't in her office, or her own room, she'd be here.
"Leave me alone, Rinoa."
"I can't do that. I have to talk to you about Selphie." Rinoa edged round the door and into the room.
Xu was sitting on the floor by the window, hugging her knees to her chest, squinting in the bright spring sunshine that was streaming into the room. She looked up, her face stained with fresh tears. "Why? Is there any news?"
Rinoa shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. But … Selphie told me, about the two of you. I thought you should know that I know."
"What about the two of us?" Xu whispered.
"That you're an item, that she loves you. That you've been together for a long time."
"Oh. She really told you? I thought she wanted… Oh."
"So, you see, I understand. About Irvine. And how awful it must be for you. And I just wanted to say… I'm so sorry, Xu, that I couldn't do more, that I didn't bring her back. I tried so, so hard. I promise if I could've done more I would've."
"It's OK," whispered Xu. "I know you would. Thanks, Rinoa. And.. does Irvine know?"
Rinoa nodded. "Selphie wanted him to. She was going to tell him when she got back. It's not fair on you, to go through all this and be hiding how you feel… I thought if Irvine knew, if Squall knew, it would be OK. They'll understand."
Xu sighed. "Well, I don't know if Selphie'll be pleased," she said. "But it's a relief to me, I won't pretend it isn't. It doesn't change what I think about Irvine, though."
"Why? What's he done that's so awful?"
"I don't know," she whispered. "Oh, Rin, I don't know why I hate him so much. It's really hard, I know Selphie thinks the world of him, everyone seems to, but whenever I think of him I just see red. I can't help it. I hate the way he treats women, and sex, and I hate his Guardian and…"
"Woah, just a minute. I don't suppose we have a case of Guardian incompatibility here, do we? It's not Brothers, is it?"
Xu shook her head. "No, they're fine." She stood up suddenly, rested her forehead on the cool glass of the window. "I don't know what it is. Really. I don't think it could be anything to do with Guardians. Why would it be?"
"Well, just that you said you hated Ether, and…"
"Oh. No, I don't think that's it. It's just a personality clash, is all. He's so fucking… promiscuous."
Rinoa was silent for a moment. Then she asked: "Ether or Irvine?"
"What?"
"I just wondered whether you meant Ether, or Irvine that you thought was promiscuous."
"Irvine. Both of them. Everyone knows…"
"You know better than that, Xu. Rumours are just that, rumours, gods, if we took notice of all the gossip round here we'd never trust anybody. In all the time we've known him, he's been completely devoted to Selphie, and although he could have used Ether's … appetite… as an excuse for all sorts of behaviour, he hasn't, really, has he? I know he's a flirt, but then, why shouldn't he be? He's young and attractive. He doesn't mean any harm by it. And anyway, is it really any of our business? Irvine's… Irvine. He's one of us. He's the best sniper in the world, he's the most loyal friend you could ever want, he's sensitive, kind…"
Xu turned to Rinoa, distress clear on her red-rimmed eyes. The light in the room suddenly dimmed, as clouds covered the fickle spring sun.
"Rin, he's your friend. You'll never see him like I do. Can we just agree to differ here? I just can't… it makes me feel sick, to think about him. I don't know why. It just does. And I don't want to think about him at all, I want to think about Selphie, and how we can get her back. I'll apologise to Squall, and I'm sorry to have upset you, after all you've been through. But I can't apologise to… him. I just can't. I know it's unprofessional and I'll stand by my resignation."
"Squall doesn't want your resignation. He wants Selphie back too. And he wants you running Garden just like you always have. Only…"
"Please, Rin. Don't. I can't bear it."
"Alright. Alright." Rinoa frowned, deeply worried and all the time fighting the memory of Selphie's screams echoing in her head. "Look, why don't you try and get some sleep? I'll drop by later, if you like, and we can get the rescue mission underway. Squall and Irv… and I are going to talk to Gemini and see what we can find out about Chet and Risha."
"Oh, Rin, please don't!" Xu cried, with panic verging on hysteria in her voice.
"Why on earth not? What's the matter?"
"No, just, Chet… I worked with him for years, and… if Gemini's dangerous… please, no. It's just too risky."
"Why? Xu, is there something you're not telling us?"
"No, please don't. Please. I can't…" she sobbed, her whole body shaking. Too much like Selphie… Rinoa tried to put her arms around her but Xu shrank away from her touch.
"Let me call to Doc for you, maybe a sedative… Xu… shh, it's alright…"
"No. It isn't. It'll never be alright, never…"
"It will. You'll see. Come on Xu, you look so tired. Selphie would want you to take proper care of yourself, you know that. Let me call the Doc for you," Rinoa got her phone out and started to dial.
"Alright. On one condition. Don't junction Gemini, or anything, not yet. I can't explain why, it's just too dangerous. Please."
"Whatever you say, Xu."
Xu turned back to the window, the shaking subsiding a little, and she started to sing, quietly, between the last of her sobs, as Rinoa made her phone call.
"The Doc'll be here in ten minutes," said Rinoa.
"I wonder what she's doing," Xu murmured. "I wonder if she's thinking of me."
"I'm sure she is," said Rinoa, softly. "She loves you so much."
"Yes, I think she does. Oh Selphie, I'm so sorry…"
"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Xu."
"You don't know, Rinoa, you've no idea." There was a long pause. "I'd like to be alone now. I'll be alright."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Please. You must have things to do, Squall and … things."
"Well, yes, but..."
"Please. Thanks for dropping by, but I need some time, just to… get used to things."
"Okay. The Doc'll be here soon. I'll come back later. Please try and get some rest, Xu."
Xu didn't respond.
Rinoa left the room, but waited outside until Dr Kadowski had arrived, before she set off to find Squall and Irvine.
And Xu just stared out of the window, singing to herself, tears running down her face like the raindrops that had begun to trickle down the window pane.
* * * * * * *
"So." Frila handed Irvine his coffee and plonked herself down on the narrow bed next to him. "Worthless bastard, eh?"
"What? Oh. Yes. Definitely. Look, I probably shouldn't… I guess you don't really have any more sympathy with me than Xu does. So, thanks for the coffee but I'm not sure I can take…"
"Shit, no. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Shit. No. I really want to help. Really. And anyway, at least finish the coffee. I know you're not capable of making your own."
"You sure? I mean, this is kinda awkward…"
"Not really. At least, not for me. Just for the record, I think she was completely out of order. Xu, I mean. Whatever you've done, she shouldn't have bawled you out like that, in front of me and everything. She must be one disturbed individual."
"She's got a lot on her mind."
"Hm. So, do you want to tell me about Selphie?"
"What about Selphie?"
Frila shrugged. "Start at the beginning. Where'd you meet her?"
"Oh. Well, we grew up together, in the orphanage. Her and me and the others. You know, Squall, Zell, Quistis. Seifer."
"Don't think I know Seifer. Unless… Oh. That Seifer."
"Yeah. Anyway, Seffie and I were always close. We got into a lot of trouble together. And then we got separated, I ended up in Galbadia and she went to Trabia… next time we met she was all grown up and …"
"You fell in love?"
Irvine smiled. "I did. I thought she had, too, for a while. But it didn't work out." He gave a bitter little laugh that didn't sound right, coming from him. "At least now I know why."
"Xu."
"Apparently. I just can't believe she'd do that to me. To be with someone else for all this time and not tell me…"
"It could be because she didn't want to hurt you."
"Maybe."
"You should talk to her about it. When she gets back from… wherever she is."
To Frila's amazement, Irvine's eyes filled with tears.
"What'd I say?" she whispered, taking his hand between both of hers, squeezing reassuringly. "Oh, Irvine, what is it? Does she really mean that much to you?"
He brushed the tears away impatiently with the back of his hand. "No," he said, thickly, "well, yes, of course, I do care about her, more than anyone in the world, but… look, I can't say where she is. But she's in a lot of danger. I think. We don't know. Fuck, she could be dead for all I know, Frila, and I don't know how to save her, and now I don't even know if she's the person I thought she was."
"Hey, come on," she gently turned his face towards hers. "You're a class A hero, remember? You'll find her and save her, and all that kind of stuff. You always do."
He shook his head. "That's Squall you're thinking of. I'm just a hanger on, really. And I can't even hang on very well any more."
"Don't, Irvine. That's just stupid. Apart from anything else, I don't imagine Squall put up with hangers on. And besides… Ultimecia."
"That seems like a long time ago… Look, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm bothering you with all this."
"Well, I guess you need someone, and your friends are pretty busy right now, aren't they? The ones that aren't calling you names in front of innocent cadets, that is."
"Yeah. I'm sorry you had to listen to that."
"Oh, don't apologise, it wasn't your fault. Actually it was quite interesting, in places. Did you really spend all yesterday afternoon screwing and smoking dope in a hotel room?"
"Oh, gods. Yes, I did."
"Well I never," she grinned at him, "you sly old dog."
A shadow of a smile crossed his face, briefly. "I'm not proud of it," he said. "It's not clever."
"You're too hard on yourself. For fuck's sake, you're only.. what, twenty? Twenty one at the outside? You work hard. You're allowed."
"No, I'm not. That's what being a SeeD means. Duty first. Always. And besides that… we're supposed to set an example. A good example."
"Oh, I see. So you don't lead impressionable young cadets astray, is that it?"
"Yes. So remember, Ms Alfryd. Drugs bad. Casual sex bad. You don't want to end up like me, do you now?"
She raised an eyebrow.
"I might," she said. "If you mean honest and warm and caring and brave, yes, I do."
"Oh, Frila," he sighed. "I'm not any of those things, you know. I've done some dreadful things. I've lied to my friends, I wasn't there when they needed me and - look at me. This isn't brave, is it? I should be out there on my white charger, not sitting here with you moaning about my ex-girlfriend."
"OK. I'll do a deal with you. You stop beating yourself up, and I promise I won't start taking drugs."
He managed a smile. "You're good at this," he said, "considering you must hate me."
She sighed. "Okay, time to 'fess up. I don't hate you. In fact I kinda like you."
"I don't know why."
"Ah, now there you go again. You see, if you keep on with the self-hate I'll be on the road to ruin in no time."
He laughed, a little feebly.
She stroked his ponytail. "I don't like your hair like that," she said. "It makes you look mean. Can I untie it?"
He nodded, once.
She knelt on the bed, so close her breasts brushed his arm, and freed his hair to fall around his face.
"There, you see," she whispered. "That's better."
Then she sat in his lap, and she was kissing him, softly, fingers twined in red-brown locks. Eventually he pulled back.
"Hotshot… no. We can't. I can't."
"Oh. Because of Selphie?"
"No. Because you're a cadet and you're too young. And I've turned over a new leaf."
"Well, we don't have to… we could do other stuff," she said, wickedly.
"You're trouble, hotshot," he said, a little sternly, although his smile was stronger now. "You'd be very bad for me."
"I'd like to see you, though," she said. "Couldn't we just… see each other?"
"We will. I'm teaching you relaxation, remember? 7am every morning until Commander Leonhart says otherwise."
"Yes. But… outside of classes?"
"Oh Frila." He sighed. "It's against the regulations. You know it is. I don't want to get you into trouble, and I have responsibilities."
"No-one need know. We could keep it secret."
"Frila…"
"OK, sorry. I'm sounding needy, aren't I? Forget I mentioned it. We can just be platonic, perfectly legal friends. It's cool. And hey, you're smiling again. That's good."
"Thank you," he said. "For listening. You've no idea how much it means to me."
"Actually, I think I have," she said, and kissed him again.
This time they were interrupted by Irvine's phone. She was amazed at how fast he answered it, and how guilty he looked.
She busied herself tying his hair back as he talked, leaving his usual bangs free at the front, and putting the rest into a neat plait down his back.
"Hey, Rin," Irvine was saying. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm just… finishing Frila's class… No, he hasn't. We er… went to the training centre… oh, we must just have missed him… I'll be there in five minutes. Are you OK?…. oh. It'll be alright, Rin. Don't worry… yeah. See you."
"Rinoa?" Frila guessed.
"Yeah. I've got to go."
"I'm due at Dincht's class anyway, and I need to get some food before I starve to death. I'll see you tomorrow, same time?"
"Yes, unless we go after Selphie. I'll let you know."
"OK. Just remember, be nice to yourself, or I won't be responsible for the consequences."
He got up, put his coffee cup down on her desk. "Thanks, Hotshot," he said. "Thanks a lot."
"That's OK," she said. "Anytime. Oh, and it worked."
"What?"
"Well," she smiled wickedly at him, "I feel much more relaxed."
"You're a bad girl," he grinned, and left.
* * * * * * *
Rinoa was pacing Squall's office, chewing nervously on a fingernail, when Irvine got there. Squall sat on his desk, frowning in that particularly intense way Irvine hadn't seen for a long time.
"Hey," Irvine said, "listen, I'm sorry, about Xu and everything… I…"
He didn't manage to finish his sentence: Rinoa flung her arms around him and gave him a huge hug. It felt so good it was a while before he could catch his breath. Even Squall threw one of his rare smiles in Irvine's direction.
"Are you OK?" Rinoa looked up at him with big brown eyes.
"'Course I am," he said. "Well, feeling pretty crap, actually. You?"
"I've been better," she confessed.
"So what are we going to do?" They both looked to Squall.
Irvine could remember a time when that would have panicked Squall; he used to hate being asked what to do. But leadership had become part of him now, he even expected it.
"I want to find out what's going on with that thing in Rinoa's head," he said. "Then we need to talk to Quistis and see if any of the cameras they planted are working, or can be made to work. Then we go fetch Selphie."
"That sounds like a good plan." Irvine suddenly felt better. Very few of Squall's plans in the past hadn't worked, which was a reassuring thought.
"I promised Xu I wouldn't junction Gemini," Rinoa said. "She said it was too dangerous."
"Which is fine," said Squall, "because you're not going to. I am."
"Squall, no, if Xu said it was dangerous…"
"Why?" Irvine interjected.
"What?"
"Why is it dangerous? Did she say?"
"We know Gemini was something to do with Risha's collapse," Squall reminded him.
"But did Xu know that?"
"Of course… no. Actually, no, she didn't. She didn't know anything much about Gemini at all."
"Exactly. First you heard about it was from Oceanus."
"Does it matter?" asked Rinoa.
"Yes, I think it does. I think Xu has a thing about Guardians, and I'm not sure I trust her."
"Irvine," warned Squall, "whatever this is between you and Xu, and I understand it must be hard with Selphie, but…"
" Anyway," Irvine carried on, "we can try. You can always break the junction if anything happens."
"That's what I've been telling him," said Rinoa. "Please, Squall, I'm a big girl now. Let me do it."
Irvine shrank back a little under the force of Squall's glare, realising he had just unwittingly been caught in the middle of an ongoing argument. And he knew from past experience that Rinoa/Squall arguments could get nasty if they got carried away: they were both particularly stubborn.
"She can handle it," Irvine said, bravely, hoping a casting vote would settle things reasonably painlessly. "Come on, Squall, you know she can."
"That's not the point," he glowered.
"Oh, alright then," said Rinoa, giving in much earlier than Irvine had expected. "Maybe you're right. Come on then, you'd better draw it from me quick, before I change my mind."
To his credit, Squall didn't gloat at all.
He cupped one hand at the back of Rinoa's head, slipping his fingers through her hair a little more sensuously than strictly necessary. They smiled at each other, and Irvine suddenly felt a little like a gooseberry.
Squall closed his eyes and concentrated.
Nothing happened.
"Oh," said Rinoa. "Oh, I'm sorry, Squall."
Squall lowered his hand, looking almost embarrassed.
"What happened?" asked Irvine.
"I'm sure it doesn't mean anything," said Rinoa, still talking to Squall, a trace of wickedness in her voice, " it must happen to everyone from time to time…"
"Oh," said Irvine, "it wouldn't junction with you."
"No," said Squall. "It wouldn't."
"Well, that's OK. Rin can do it, I'm sure. Or I could…"
"No," said Squall, quickly, "I'm sure Rinoa is more than capable."
Irvine allowed himself a grin. "You're pissed," he observed, "because it wouldn't junction with you."
Squall glared at him.
"First time you were turned down, huh?" Irvine teased, "well, don't worry. It happens from time to time… or so I'm told."
"Just shut up, Kinneas. Let's get on."
Rinoa giggled.
"I don't see what's funny," Squall glowered. "Come on, Rinoa. It's all yours."
"Okay."
Rinoa took a deep breath, and gently slipped Gemini Pandora into junction.
~Gemini?~
~Sorceress. I am yours.~
~I have some questions. Is that okay?~
~Of course.~
~What did you do to hurt Risha?~
~I did nothing.~
~But you were there?~
~I was with the Questor.~
~The one we call Chet?~
~Yes.~
~So what happened to Risha?~
~She saw that which she did not want to see.~
~Right. How did that happen exactly?~
~Bane made her see.~
~Bane? Who's Bane?~
~The Great One with Chet.~
~What? I thought you were… oh. I see. Chet had another Guardian, apart from you?~
~Yes. Bane. Bane needed to feed.~
~So you didn't hurt Risha at all?~
~No.~
~And you wouldn't hurt me, either, would you?~
~Never. You are worthy. Questor was not worthy.~
~And Squall?~
~I needed to be with you. You were in danger and would not let me come. I had to show you I could be trusted.~
~I see. So, where did Bane come from?~
~I do not know.~
~It feeds on fear?~
~Yes. Fear. Anger. Hate. Energy.~
~And what do you feed on?~
~Noble battle. The triumph of victory.~
~Right. Good. Very good. One last question. Do you have any idea what we can do to save Selphie?~
~No. She is probably dead.~
Rinoa felt a chill up her spine.
~How do you know?~
~I do not. Only that Questor and Bane would not let her live.~
~You don't know what happened?~
~I was not with you.~
~Of course. I hadn't junctioned you. And you were knocked out, weren't you? When I… whatever happened to me. So you don't remember anything either.~
~I cannot.~
~Alright. Thank you Gemini.~
~My honour, Sorceress.~
Rinoa let the junction go.
"Are you alright?" said Squall, anxiously.
"I'm fine. And so's Gemini. She wasn't the one Oceanus was talking about, Chet had another Guardian. Called Bane."
"Fuck! Fuck that hurts! Fuck, Ether…"
Rinoa and Squall just managed to catch Irvine as he passed out.
* * * * * * *
Selphie tried to press herself further into the corner of the room, into the darkness, hoping she might disappear altogether.
She could hear the footsteps ringing in the corridor outside.
He was coming for her again.
She curled up as tight as she could, pressing her face into dirty knees crusted with dried blood, and tried not to think, tried to block the memories that kept flooding and flooding and flooding into her head. Memories from her earliest childhood, from yesterday and the first day of her life and everyday in between, all appearing fresh and new and at once, with no sense of sequence or time. Her throat was raw with screaming, she just whimpered now.
Worst of all were the memories of Irvine; old memories, like the day they'd been separated at the orphanage; the day she confessed to him she didn't love him, but couldn't tell him why. Worse than that were new memories, of Irvine's betrayal. Rinoa's betrayal. Of blind rage and blood and pain and regret.
She cried softly, rocking back and forth. The footsteps were close now. The door would open soon, and he would be there.
She couldn't take any more.
She wanted to die. Only… she'd promised. She'd promised Xu she would come back. Xu hadn't hurt her. Xu loved her. Really loved her.
And anyway, it wasn't right, it didn't fit. How could she have forgotten? What order did it happen in? How could she have split up with Irvine twice, in two different ways? Which was real? Were both real? Or neither?
The door crashed open.
"Still with us, then? My, but your mind's strong. We'll have to see what we can do about that."
"No. No, please…" she tried to get up, to defend herself, but the pain in her head was just too much, she didn't want to move…
She squinted at him; he held her nunchaka in his hand, but she didn't have the strength even to try and reclaim her weapon. She couldn't even stand.
"It's very worthy you know, dedicating yourself to science like this. The things we learn from you will be so, so useful. I can't thank you enough."
She looked up at him; she would have spat at him, but her mouth was too dry.
"You bastard. What are you doing here? Why?" her voice rasped like sandpaper on stone.
"This and that. Research. Earning a living. Now, it's time for another little trip down memory lane, I'm afraid. You do still remember, don't you?"
She didn't answer.
Her nunchaka struck her painfully across the legs.
"I know you do. We've never had anyone remember so much and survive. You're amazing. Now, let's see if we can break you today." He signalled to the guards with him.
She felt the pull on her shoulders, as she was lifted by the arms, half dragged do the door, searing pain shooting through her skull.
She thought she probably could have died, if she'd wanted to. It felt as if she could just let go of her mind and fade away.
But she couldn't. She couldn't let Xu down, or Squall, or Zell, or Quistis. Or, as bitter and hollow as it felt, Irvine, or Rinoa. So she formed a tune in her mind, and with all the determination she could muster, she set about trying to survive.