A/N: I'm really sorry, y'all! I got grounded! Yeah! Doesn't life suck?
-----
A spoonful of cream cheese splatted into the wall. Then another. Then another, until the air was thick with flying white stuff.
"RUN FOR COVER!" Metro-chan shouted, shielding herself with a trash can lid.
"I think we did that a long time ago!" Nova shouted back as Shiden unleashed another barrage of cream cheese.
"FWAJAKAHAHAHA! PH33R MY MAD CHEEZ-FLINGING SKILLZ!"
"How exactly does he use 1337 in speaking?" Metro-chan asked, deflecting a glob of cream cheese.
"I dunno... I'll hafta ask him sometime when he's not trying to kill us."
"SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" Shiden shouted. "I'M OUT OF FREAKING CREAM CHEESE!" He used his telekinesis to find a jar of mayonnaise in the fridge and bring it through the door. Literally. Nova stared at the remains of the door, and the mayonnaise-jar-shaped hole in it. But he didn't have much time to do that because Shiden was starting up again.
Wait. Back up. I bet you're like, "Why the hell is Shiden flinging condiments at Metro-chan and Nova?" Well, it all started when they decided to have ham sandwiches.
**Flashback** ((A/N: Just imagine the screen getting all fuzzy and some random harp chords in the background.))
"Mmm, sandwiches!" Shiden said with nerve-grating enthusiasm. "Swiss cheese..."
"Check!" Nova announced, slamming down a packet of swiss.
"Lettuce..."
"Check!"
"Bread..."
"Check!"
"Ham..."
"Check!"
"Tomato..."
"Check!"
"Raisins... apple butter... banana slices..."
"Check check check!"
"You guys eat some weird stuff," Metro-chan commented, buttering a club roll.
"We have a right," Shiden said. "You should really talk, Miss I-eat-peanut-butter-straight-from-the-jar."
"How about we just shut up and eat?" Nova suggested.
"That's the smartest thing you've said all day," Metro-chan said.
"What about the SSBM tournament? That was fun."
Metro-chan pointed at Kuro. "I think that speaks for itself," she said wryly.
"Whatever," Shiden said. "Hey... Check out my mad skills." He telekinetically tossed a tomato up into the air and sliced it up neatly with a knife. "I could be some Japanese chef or something!"
"Yeah, whatever..." Metro-chan said, waving a hand dismissively. "Knock it off, before I decide to accidentally redirect the knife and cut your tail off."
"Meh," Shiden said, narrowing his eyes as he dropped the knife, assembled his sandwich, and bit it.
"'Meh'? Really? How very enlightening. Tell me more," Nova said, sounding completely serious as he started eating too.
Then Shiden started laughing insanely. "Fools... you're all FOOLS!"
Nova glared at Shiden. "Finish chewing. THEN go insane."
"Foolish mortals! How dare you question me?" Shiden chucked his sandwich at Metro-chan, who deflected it just in time. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEAR ME, FOR I WEILD THE CHEESE OF DEATH!" So saying, he grabbed the cream cheese and started flinging it at Nova and Metro-chan.
And thusly, it was discovered that Shiden is allergic to tomatoes. ((A/N: Don't tomatoes make EVERYONE go insane?))
**End flashback**
"Do we have any allergy medication or something?" Nova shouted to Metro-chan over the sounds of flying condiments. Shiden had added ketchup, mustard, and soy sauce to the mix and was shooting random combinations of them across the room.
"What we need is more like lithium!" Metro-chan replied, diving behind the couch.
"That's pathetic!" Shiden shouted at Metro-chan as a glob of soy sauce and mayonnaise splatted into the wall, just barely missing her. "I'm telekinetic as well as you! FWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Sooner or later he's gotta run out of steam," Nova said.
"Yeah... but what do we do until then?"
"How about we scream like idiots?"
"Yeah! Scream all you want, you coward! You... you... CUTE THING!" Shiden taunted.
"That tears it... I'm gonna KILL YOU!" Nova snarled, flinging himself at Shiden.
"You fight like some kinda fuzzy plush toy!" Shiden said, wrapping his tail around Nova's. He flipped over, and because of their entwined tails Nova crashed headfirst into the wall.
"Oh yeah? Well... you fight like... uh... A MAGIKARP!" Nova shouted, somehow managing to teleport away to the other side of the room. He telekinetically lifted a bottle of soy sauce and brought it over to him.
"DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEEEEE!" He was about to fly at Nova in an attempt to throttle him, but Metro-chan put up psychic barriers separating the two Mews. She stepped into the safe space between the barriers.
"We're now entering a sudden death match!" She announced, looking first at Nova and then at Shiden. "Combatants, choose your weapons!" Nova grinned and brandished the soy sauce bottle. Shiden, snarling, snatched up a bottle of mustard. "All right, guys, here's the deal. When the barriers come down, start fighting. Do whatever you want, as long as your only weapon is your condiment of choice. At the end, if both of you are still standing, I'll judge the winner!" She jumped up, hovering just under the ceiling, and dropped the barriers.
Instantly, a jet of soy sauce caught Shiden in the eye. He quickly retaliated, shooting mustard into Nova's eye. Both Mews squinted at each other and lunged.
Nova clamped his teeth on Shiden's tail. Shiden cracked the mustard bottle down on Nova's head, and Nova let go, blinding Shiden's other eye with another spurt of soy sauce. Shiden swung the mustard bottle around him wildly, randomly shooting and trying to bludgeon Nova, who carefully evaded.
"Magikarp, Magikarp, Shiden is a Magikarp," Nova chanted, darting out of the crazed Mew's reach.
"BANZAIIIII!" Shiden shouted, opening his eyes. "Oww... oww... FREAKING SOY SAUCE!" But he had seen enough. He attacked Nova, whacking him on the head repeatedly.
"Uncle!" Nova groaned before blacking out.
"NOW WHO'S THE MAGIKARP?" Shiden gloated. "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE MASTER! OH YEAH! CAN'T TOUCH THIS! CAN'T TOUCH-" he blinked. "What happened here?" he asked dazedly. He stared down at Nova, then up at Metro-chan. "Metro...?"
Metro-chan stared at him incredulously, then shook her head. "Never. Ever. Eat tomatoes again. As long as you live."
-----
A spoonful of cream cheese splatted into the wall. Then another. Then another, until the air was thick with flying white stuff.
"RUN FOR COVER!" Metro-chan shouted, shielding herself with a trash can lid.
"I think we did that a long time ago!" Nova shouted back as Shiden unleashed another barrage of cream cheese.
"FWAJAKAHAHAHA! PH33R MY MAD CHEEZ-FLINGING SKILLZ!"
"How exactly does he use 1337 in speaking?" Metro-chan asked, deflecting a glob of cream cheese.
"I dunno... I'll hafta ask him sometime when he's not trying to kill us."
"SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" Shiden shouted. "I'M OUT OF FREAKING CREAM CHEESE!" He used his telekinesis to find a jar of mayonnaise in the fridge and bring it through the door. Literally. Nova stared at the remains of the door, and the mayonnaise-jar-shaped hole in it. But he didn't have much time to do that because Shiden was starting up again.
Wait. Back up. I bet you're like, "Why the hell is Shiden flinging condiments at Metro-chan and Nova?" Well, it all started when they decided to have ham sandwiches.
**Flashback** ((A/N: Just imagine the screen getting all fuzzy and some random harp chords in the background.))
"Mmm, sandwiches!" Shiden said with nerve-grating enthusiasm. "Swiss cheese..."
"Check!" Nova announced, slamming down a packet of swiss.
"Lettuce..."
"Check!"
"Bread..."
"Check!"
"Ham..."
"Check!"
"Tomato..."
"Check!"
"Raisins... apple butter... banana slices..."
"Check check check!"
"You guys eat some weird stuff," Metro-chan commented, buttering a club roll.
"We have a right," Shiden said. "You should really talk, Miss I-eat-peanut-butter-straight-from-the-jar."
"How about we just shut up and eat?" Nova suggested.
"That's the smartest thing you've said all day," Metro-chan said.
"What about the SSBM tournament? That was fun."
Metro-chan pointed at Kuro. "I think that speaks for itself," she said wryly.
"Whatever," Shiden said. "Hey... Check out my mad skills." He telekinetically tossed a tomato up into the air and sliced it up neatly with a knife. "I could be some Japanese chef or something!"
"Yeah, whatever..." Metro-chan said, waving a hand dismissively. "Knock it off, before I decide to accidentally redirect the knife and cut your tail off."
"Meh," Shiden said, narrowing his eyes as he dropped the knife, assembled his sandwich, and bit it.
"'Meh'? Really? How very enlightening. Tell me more," Nova said, sounding completely serious as he started eating too.
Then Shiden started laughing insanely. "Fools... you're all FOOLS!"
Nova glared at Shiden. "Finish chewing. THEN go insane."
"Foolish mortals! How dare you question me?" Shiden chucked his sandwich at Metro-chan, who deflected it just in time. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEAR ME, FOR I WEILD THE CHEESE OF DEATH!" So saying, he grabbed the cream cheese and started flinging it at Nova and Metro-chan.
And thusly, it was discovered that Shiden is allergic to tomatoes. ((A/N: Don't tomatoes make EVERYONE go insane?))
**End flashback**
"Do we have any allergy medication or something?" Nova shouted to Metro-chan over the sounds of flying condiments. Shiden had added ketchup, mustard, and soy sauce to the mix and was shooting random combinations of them across the room.
"What we need is more like lithium!" Metro-chan replied, diving behind the couch.
"That's pathetic!" Shiden shouted at Metro-chan as a glob of soy sauce and mayonnaise splatted into the wall, just barely missing her. "I'm telekinetic as well as you! FWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Sooner or later he's gotta run out of steam," Nova said.
"Yeah... but what do we do until then?"
"How about we scream like idiots?"
"Yeah! Scream all you want, you coward! You... you... CUTE THING!" Shiden taunted.
"That tears it... I'm gonna KILL YOU!" Nova snarled, flinging himself at Shiden.
"You fight like some kinda fuzzy plush toy!" Shiden said, wrapping his tail around Nova's. He flipped over, and because of their entwined tails Nova crashed headfirst into the wall.
"Oh yeah? Well... you fight like... uh... A MAGIKARP!" Nova shouted, somehow managing to teleport away to the other side of the room. He telekinetically lifted a bottle of soy sauce and brought it over to him.
"DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEEEEE!" He was about to fly at Nova in an attempt to throttle him, but Metro-chan put up psychic barriers separating the two Mews. She stepped into the safe space between the barriers.
"We're now entering a sudden death match!" She announced, looking first at Nova and then at Shiden. "Combatants, choose your weapons!" Nova grinned and brandished the soy sauce bottle. Shiden, snarling, snatched up a bottle of mustard. "All right, guys, here's the deal. When the barriers come down, start fighting. Do whatever you want, as long as your only weapon is your condiment of choice. At the end, if both of you are still standing, I'll judge the winner!" She jumped up, hovering just under the ceiling, and dropped the barriers.
Instantly, a jet of soy sauce caught Shiden in the eye. He quickly retaliated, shooting mustard into Nova's eye. Both Mews squinted at each other and lunged.
Nova clamped his teeth on Shiden's tail. Shiden cracked the mustard bottle down on Nova's head, and Nova let go, blinding Shiden's other eye with another spurt of soy sauce. Shiden swung the mustard bottle around him wildly, randomly shooting and trying to bludgeon Nova, who carefully evaded.
"Magikarp, Magikarp, Shiden is a Magikarp," Nova chanted, darting out of the crazed Mew's reach.
"BANZAIIIII!" Shiden shouted, opening his eyes. "Oww... oww... FREAKING SOY SAUCE!" But he had seen enough. He attacked Nova, whacking him on the head repeatedly.
"Uncle!" Nova groaned before blacking out.
"NOW WHO'S THE MAGIKARP?" Shiden gloated. "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE MASTER! OH YEAH! CAN'T TOUCH THIS! CAN'T TOUCH-" he blinked. "What happened here?" he asked dazedly. He stared down at Nova, then up at Metro-chan. "Metro...?"
Metro-chan stared at him incredulously, then shook her head. "Never. Ever. Eat tomatoes again. As long as you live."