Is There More?
Author: Knowhere
Chapter 10: Liberty
Rating: Pg-13
Disclaimer: Nothing but the extra boyfriends and girlfriends.
AN: Okay, I promise you BIG things in this chapter. I think all of you will be thoroughly pleased with it.
Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.
I miss him. It's been almost five months since I've met Jill; five agonizing long months of masking my feelings. I don't even know how I got through it; but I remember lots of coffee and phone calls to Mom and to Lane. Mom thinks that I should wait it out; although she loves Jess like the annoying son she never had, she's still weary about her only daughter falling so hard for him. She believes that because my feelings are so strong, I won't know how to deal with them in a time of crises. But what can my feelings be anything but the intense love that I feel for him? Lane, on the other hand is rooting for something more proactive. She thinks I should just march up to him and tell him to forget all about that new arm candy of his. Although I really want to every time I see him walking around the apartment or when we watch movies together and he pulls me close to him, I just can't seem to gather enough courage to do such a thing. However, it's still fun to talk to Lane and listen to all her crazy schemes of avenging Jess. I know I can always count on her for some great chit-chat. I think about those days when I used to crawl through her window because we were afraid of her mom and we would talk for hours over a new cd in her closet. I remember the day that we left for separate colleges; she was going to Seattle and our tearful goodbyes reminisced all the fun times that we shared long before college ever entered our minds. She left a week before me and I felt so alone and in lack of a friend; Jess was there to keep an eye on me and to help me pack. Then he broke the news to me that he was also going to college. I was so proud of him; and after a year of many phone calls to Mom, Lane, and especially Jess, I decided it was time for an apartment of my own. But I knew that I couldn't afford the rent by myself and so I asked Jess to live with me.
Now, I look around the apartment and see nothing but memories. I walk over to the little end table by the couch and pick up some of the picture frames. There's a heavy silver one that holds one of my favorite pictures of me and Jess. It was during a summer day that we were roaming the streets of New York. Out of the blue we decided to be tourists and we went to go see the sights. We were on a ferry and I was snapping pictures to send to Mom when I asked an elderly couple to take our picture. I decided to make it fun and I jumped on his back and the picture captures rare genuine smiles on both our faces as he holds my legs to his waist and as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. You can see the Statue of Liberty in the background with the typical New York skyscrapers. I peer at the other various pictures; one of Mom and I, one of Jess with his arm around me in our cap and gowns, and lastly I come to the newest addition on the collage of pictures. It stands out because it's a picture of Jess and Jill with their arms around each other's waist. I turn it around so I don't have to look at it as I turn the t.v on. God, I miss him.
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The door slams, startling me as I nearly jump off the couch. Jess is rapidly walking to his room while struggling to remove his coat. "Jess?" No response. I wonder what's wrong.
I cautiously walk over to his room and knock slightly to get his attention. "Yea?" I hear him shouting above to loud tones of The Distillers. I open the door and see that his lying on his bed just staring at the ceiling.
Carefully I ask, "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, everything is just peachy keen. Can't you tell? I'm practically on cloud-nine." He's seething; I haven't seen him so angry since that time this drunken guy hit on me at a club and wouldn't leave me alone. Jess had gotten so angry; he almost punched the guy if I didn't persist that we leave.
"Okay then. Do you want some pizza? I have some leftovers." I can tell that he doesn't want to talk about whatever's bugging him and from my many years of Jess-experience, I know better than to pry it out of him because he only retreats further into his sullen façade when someone tries to dig information out of him.
"I'm not hungry. God, can't you just leave me alone?"
That simple word stings me and although I know that he didn't mean them, knowing that doesn't help. All I wanted was to be a friend for him and all he does is snap at me. I don't move for a couple of seconds while I bite my lip and try to take deep breaths so that I won't cry in front of him for his rude comment. He glances over at me and I can tell that remorse has entered his cloudy eyes. He can tell that he has hurt me and he seems more distraught about it then anything else that's bothering him. Walking over Jess pulls me into a hug and whispers, "I'm sorry Rory. I didn't mean that; I'm just kinda going through something right now. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Nodding into his shoulder, all is forgiven and he pulls back as inquires, "Now, where is that pizza you were talking about? I am hungry now I think about it." He tries to smile and I lead him into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge.
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Five slices and two cans of Coke later, we're just sitting at the dinner table with me twiddling my thumbs and him trying to balance a partially-filled can on its rim. I clear my throat and gently request, "What happened?"
He stops playing with the Coke and rubs his hand on his face trying to contemplate an answer. "Jill and I had a fight."
"Oh." I wasn't expecting that as an answer; everything seemed going so good that it made me sick. Trying to remain neutral in tone I pursue, "About what?"
Finally looking into my eyes he tells me. "She wants me to move in with her."
I'm utterly shocked. I don't know what to say; sure I hated her in the way that everyone hates the girlfriend of the guy they want, but now I really dislike her with a passion. She already got to date Jess, wasn't that enough? No, she has to go and rip out the last connection that I share with him—our home. I slowly mumble, "What did you tell her?"
"I told her that I couldn't because we've only known each other for five months. I can't just move in with someone that I barely know. Then she got all mad about it like I didn't want to commit to anything, and then it just blew up from there. She accused me of dating her with no real intentions of a future; but I insured her that I really wanted our relationship to go somewhere. I just told her that I'm not ready to live together; it's such a big step."
I'm somewhat relieved that he so adamantly refused the idea but my thoughts of relief are cut short when I hear him say, "But then she said that it was either that or nothing; and I just can't stand to loose her. She's basically my first real, intense, long-lasting relationship and I think I love her…so I think I'm going to do it." A minute ago, he had refused to do it; but his face changed as he processed the information. He actually looks like he wants it to happen.
My eyes widen to the size of our white plates in front of me as I yell, "What?! You can't move in with her. Can't you see that she pushed this on you because she's trying to manipulate you into her own little relationship scheme?" I couldn't help it; I just couldn't stand there while I loose all chances of being with him. I had decided to play the sidelines while he dated Jill, but I'm not going to stay back while he makes this huge step without knowing that I love him.
The chair screeches on the wooden floor as he gets up and scolds, "Rory! Watch it, just because you're my best friend it doesn't give you the right to accuse my girlfriend of something like that. I've never done that with your boyfriends; even when I knew that something was wrong, all I did was be there for you. I've never insulted them. You've crossed the line, Rory."
"Jess! How can you just make this huge step of moving in with this girl while you just admitted that you barely know her?"
"What's wrong with you? I thought that after all these years of telling me that I don't have steady relationships, you'd be happy that I finally found a girl that I want to take this step with. Yeah, I just said that we don't know each other like you and I know each other, but Jill and I can do that while we're living together. You know, all these years I always thought that when I finally found that girl, you'd be there supporting my decision. What's gotten into you? You're not who I thought you were, Rory. You're acting like you're almost jealous; it's not like I'm not going to be your best friend if we don't live together anymore."
How can he say that? He knows exactly who I am; it's him that I can't seem to find. The Jess that I knew a couple months ago would never jump into a situation with careful thought. I just let the floodgates open as I pour me feelings out in the form of a shout. "That's just it Jess! I don't want to be your best friend anymore. It's not enough for me. Do you think it's easy to watch you parade around with that girl for five months while all I can do is sit at home thinking how much I want to be the girl that you hold, the girl that you kiss goodnight? And do you know what kills me the most? That night when you brought Jill home, I was planning on telling you that I loved you; not in the best friend kinda way, but in the way that I want to be your girlfriend. Why do you think that I got over Tyler so quickly? It wasn't because I could let go so easily, it was because I finally realized that I loved you! There I said it, I love you and there's nothing I can do but stand on the side and watch you, while knowing that I can't have you."
Tears are constantly streaming down my face as I ready myself to face the rejection that is about to come. I see through my hazy sight that he's just standing there steadfast in his position. I can tell that he's more than shocked. He swallows and licks his lips as he questions, "You really love me?"
Nodding my head I can't bear to look at him anymore. I cross my arms over my chest feeling extremely cold right now. Gathering everything I have left I manage one last look at him and I see him quickly walking over to me. My eyes are wide in anticipation as he marched right up to me and takes my face into his hands and lowers his lips onto mine. My entire being is on fire as I release my hands and wrap them around his neck. He's kissing me with a passion that I've never known and as he silently asks for permission by tracing his tongue lightly along the edge of my lips, I finally surrender everything and open up myself to the new found feeling that he's igniting inside of me. His hands are tangled in my brown hair and if he wasn't supporting me, I know I'd be a puddle of mush on the floor. I'm loosing track of time as his lips are still caressing mine with such gentleness that I never thought he possessed. It finally happened; and it feels so liberating.
AN: Ah, finally! Was the wait worth it? I felt that ten chapters were long enough to wait; I mean I was getting impatient for me to get them to finally kiss. Tell me what you think; I really want to know especially with the recent developments.