Is There More?
Author: Knowhere
Chapter 11: Spin
Rating: Pg-13
Disclaimer: Nothing, Nada, Nil.
AN: First and foremost: for the readers that felt compelled by last chapter I thoroughly enjoyed all of your wonderful remarks. As for the few of you that asked the question of Jill—my answer is that I'm not done with her character yet. Jess's kiss was supposed to be impulsive, and I hope that you were able to perceive that through chapter 10. Lastly, for the couple of readers that left me reviews that were paragraphs long—I enjoyed and was moved by your reviews so much that I just couldn't leave the weekend without writing another chapter. I was touched by your many words of encouragement and of praise and I thank you for them. Thank you so much for everyone who has taken the time to read this story.
Side Note: In response the review about the issue of sex—my answer is that as for Rory, I'll leave it up to the reader to decipher whether or not she and her past boyfriends slept together. As for Jess, since this is told from Rory's point of view, you won't find out unless she thinks about it or if they would have a future conversation about it. As for the last question of how Rory and Jess's relationship will progress (mainly into sex or not) well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see; but do notice that this story is rated Pg-13, and do realize that I set it at that rating since the beginning for a specific reason. As adults in this story, these characters cannot escape the situations and questions that come with maturity.
Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.
I'm speechless…I am actually without words. The kiss is slowly coming to its end and his hands are still in my hair and wrapped around my back. He pulls back slightly but then leans forward so that our foreheads are touching. I can't seem to control my breathing, it's erratic at best and my heart is pumping like I just ran a marathon. I force myself to open my eyes and look at him but I find it hard because I don't want to wake up to find this all a dream. The last five minutes have been the most amazing ones of my life and I don't want to open my eyes back to reality. He's staring at me and I can tell he's also wondering if all of this really happened.
"Rory; what just happened?" His voice is hoarse and is sounds like he just woke up in the middle of the night. He's still staring at me; it's almost like his eyes are searching for a hidden answer or for a question that he doesn't how to ask.
I lick my lips; they're suddenly extremely dry. "Um…I think we just kissed." A grin slowly starts to spread across my face and within a couple seconds, it has grown to a full out smile. I just can't help it; it seems that the world is finally going in my direction.
He suddenly lets go of me and I feel oddly empty without his arms. My smile drops with his piercing words, "Rory…I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. It's just when I heard you say that you loved me, something came over me. God, so many years I've wanted you to realize that I was the one that was right for you; but instead I just got stuck mending your broken heart. I waited so many long nights for you to come to your senses and see that we were meant to be together…but now? Why did it have to be now? Timing's really bad, Ror. I can't just always be there waiting for you. I'm still with Jill and for the first time in my life I actually found someone that wasn't you that could understand me. I'm sorry Rory I just can't be here, in this apartment right now."
He walks over and grabs his coat and just shuts the door behind him softly. I'm still standing here in the middle of the room. I don't know what to do; one moment, I'm ecstatic and the next, I'm at an all-time low. How could I never realize that all those years ago he still had feelings for me? I just always thought that after a couple years, he just thought of me as a friend and nothing more. Is that why his girlfriends never lasted? Man, I'm a fool. Tyler was right; my love is next door, but I didn't realize in time. I think I just lost my chance with Jess. I was wrong; the world isn't going in my direction—it's spinning upside down.
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"Hello?"
"I just did something really, really stupid…I mean, this is beyond the ten on the stupid meter. Remember the time when I thought that I could fly and decided to jump out of that large tree…well, if I actually had the guts to do it back then, this would be even stupider than jumping out of the large oak tree."
"Rory, slow down; I'm sure that whatever you've done can be fixed."
"Mom, I just told Jess that I'm in love with him."
There's silence on the phone; I can sense that Mom's speechless too. She never thought that I would have it in me to actually confess my feelings to him; and she was right, I should have never spilled my guts.
Her teasing voice crackles through the phone, "Honey, why are you talking to me? Shouldn't you be making out with your new lover boy by now? I'm sure he didn't just leave you hanging."
"We kissed, but then he left because he basically told me that I had my chance but now that he's with Jill, I've completely lost any opportunity with him." I can't help the fresh tears that are spilling out of my eyes and onto the phone. I don't remember ever crying about a boy until recently when I've been crying about Jess. God, why does he have to be irresistible and so freaking amazing?
I can tell that she knows I'm serious and that this isn't the time to joke about anything. "Rory, don't get yourself worked up too much okay? Everything's going to turn out fine; I can feel it; call it a mother's intuition. Believe me, that boy has spent too many years pining for you to give up this opportunity." Mom's voice is soothing through the phone and it makes me long for a time where we would be talking face to face and not through the telephone. I want to just lay down on her lap with her stroking my hair telling me that everything's going to be alright. But now that I've grown up, I don't find the comfort that I used to find in Mom's promises. Does she really know that it's going to end up fine? I want to believe her so badly, but a part of me can't find solace in her seemingly empty promises.
"Mom, can I talk to you later? I kinda want to be alone right now."
"Yeah, sure Honey. Why don't you call me when you feel like it and we'll talk about whatever you want to. Remember that I'm always here, just a phone call away, okay? I love you."
"Love you too Mom."
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I grab my favorite blanket and drag it across the floor to the couch where I plan to wait for Jess to come home. I can't stand the fact that we didn't end on a good note; I want to clear the air, and whether or not we'll maintain just being friends will be his ultimate call. I don't want to interfere with his decision because I've come to realize that no matter how hard I try, I can't change the world. I can't have everyone wrapped around my little pinky and even though Jess means the world to me—I can't stand loosing him as a friend.
I watch as the clock ticks to the hour of one. I've been waiting for four hours and nothing—not a call, not a word, nothing. He still hasn't come home yet and I can't help but assume that he went back to Jill. Just because I've come to terms with the fact that I might loose Jess, it doesn't make the process any easier. Fatigue is tugging at the lids of my eyes and I can't help but close them for a couple of minutes to let the weary day release from my body in the form of slumber. How could things go so wrong in the matter of hours?
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I struggle to open my eyes and I nearly scream seeing that someone is kneeling next to me on the couch; but I swallow my shock when my eyes adjust and I see that it's just Jess next to me. Sitting up slightly I push back the blanket and I try to read his eyes. To my dismay, he won't allow me to see any emotion. I feel like a teenager again, wondering what a boy is thinking about.
He starts to speak and I can't help but notice that his voice is heavy with exhaustion. "Rory, I was wrong. When I told you that I finally found someone that understood me as good as you, I was making a mistake. I realize that nobody knows me as good as you…" He gazes back at me intensely and his stare is so powerful that it almost makes me want to look away, but I don't. I fix my eyes on him and he continues, "When I heard you say that you loved me, you have no idea what it felt like to me. It was like, after all these years you finally noticed me; not just as your best friend or as a confidant, but as someone you love. I felt like I was actually good enough for you."
My heart breaks at his last comment. How could he ever feel that he wasn't good enough for me? Cautiously, I slide down next to him on the floor, waiting for him to finish.
"When I left tonight, I didn't know what to do. On one hand, I thought I had the perfect girlfriend and the perfect relationship. But then I remembered that perfect isn't real…what I have with you is real. Actually, what I want with you is real. There's no chance in hell I'm going to let you go Ror. I'm not letting you slip out of my reach…not this time."
If I thought that I couldn't cry anymore, I'd be completely wrong. I scoot closer to him and climb in his lap as I wrap my arms around him. He engulfs me into a compelling hug that reassures me that he really meant what he just confessed. He pulls out of our hug and brings up a hand to stroke my cheek. I smile at his gentleness. I contain my giggle as I look at him and realize that I am actually sitting here in his lap with him touching my face. "Rory, you know that there's no way that we'll ever be just friends anymore right? Our relationship has changed and I need to know before anything else happens that you're okay with it."
Still smiling I reply, "Yeah, I know."
"Good." He's smirking and it seems like forever since I've seen him do that. He's tugging on my sweatshirt and he leans closer to me to seal our agreement. The first touch of our lips is even better than the one before. This kiss is full of promise and excitement. I tangle my hands in his hair and I smile when he groans at my touch. Who ever knew that I could make Jess groan with a simple touch? He responds with trailing kisses down to my neck and then back up again. As we meet again, our kiss has become more passionate than I could ever imagine. We move back up to the couch and without another word spoken, we continue our kiss.
Maybe I don't need the world to spin my way…I'm okay with it spinning upside down.
AN: Don't worry, I'm not done. There's more to come. Aren't you happy that they're finally together? Heaven knows that I am. Anyways, I always appreciate reading what you guys have to say; and if you have a question or anything, feel free to email me. Thanks for reading…drop me a line.