Original characters, world and backstory belong to Squaresoft, lucky folks.

This version is censored to R rating. Full NC-17 version with all the smut the author intended is on my website, www.scribblemoose.co.uk ^_^

Please tell me what you think of all this, if you can bear to, by review or email (fanfic@scribblemoose.co.uk) And thank you if you have, it means a lot to me :)

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Chapter 23 - Shadows

"What's he doing here?"

Irvine felt a swift rise of anger, but fought it down.

"He's here to help, Xu," said Squall, "so just put your personal issues aside and try to be professional."

"I don't see what he could possibly do to help me."

"I can get rid of the block in your brain," said Irvine. "At least, I think so. I can try."

"What?" Xu was backing away from them, and she looked genuinely frightened.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Irvine promised, resisting the temptation to follow her and signalling to Squall to do the same. "Really, I'm not. Whatever you think of me, surely you know I'd never hurt you."

Her gaze was cold and disbelieving, and she still trembled a little. "I've been trying to remember," she spoke only to Squall, ignoring Irvine completely. "I think I might be able to.. oh.. shit.." she doubled over, clutching her stomach, shuddering with pain.

"Xu, just let Irvine help you." Squall asked, the concern on his face not coming out in his voice, somehow. Damn, thought Irvine, he really still isn't any good at the people stuff.

"Is this the block?" he asked Squall. Squall shrugged, not knowing. "Xu, is it the block? Is that what's hurting you?"

She nodded, her face screwed up tight: even that seemed to have cost her. Irvine crossed the short distance Xu had managed to put between them, and put an arm around her shoulder, ignoring her when she flinched at his touch.

"Shh," he said. "Please let me help. I can make the pain stop. Please."

"I can't… I hate you…" she sobbed through her pain, "don't touch me… I …." she slumped to her knees and Irvine went with her, taking both of her hands in his.

"Xu, listen to me. This is the only way. Please trust me. Or if you can't trust me, then trust Squall and Rinoa. They wouldn't ask me to do this if it was going to hurt you. You know they wouldn't."

Xu looked at him through a blur of tears, helpless. "I can't," she said, and then words seemed to leave her altogether, her head dropped and she slumped, defeated, shoulders shuddering.

"Just relax as best you can." She didn't resist; she just knelt there, watching her tiny hands as they quivered in his big ones.

"… can't…" she sobbed, quietly now.

"You need to let Ether into your mind."

She looked up at him; the blood drained from her face. "No," she whispered, "oh, gods, please, no."

"It's alright," Irvine said, gently rubbing the backs of her hands with his thumbs. "It won't hurt you. Please believe me, Xu, it won't hurt you."

"He's right," said Squall, gracefully lowering himself to sit cross legged next to Irvine. "He did it to me and I promise, it won't hurt."

"But Ether…"

"I can control it," said Irvine. "Please, just trust us. It'll be over in no time."

She looked from Squall to Irvine, and back to Squall. She looked terribly vulnerable, a shadow of the confident, professional SeeD they'd worked with all these years.

"I don't have any choice, do I?" she whispered. "You'll make me."

Irvine was about to reassure her, to tell her it was up to her, but Squall spoke first.

"Yes," he said.

Irvine took his eyes off Xu to stare at Squall in amazement. "What?!"

"I have to, Irvine," he explained. "It's too much of a risk. We don't know what Bane might make her do. Or hide. Or lie about. We don't know what happened, not really, because we don't know what she's already not telling us. We have to know."

"But it's her head," said Irvine. "I won't mess with it uninvited. That would make me just as bad as Chet, or Bane, or whoever it was that did this."

"Irvine," Squall was trying to be patient, but it was wearing thin: there was irritation in his voice; "she might not even be able to tell us what she wants. She might not know what's best for her. Fuck, I'm not going to strap her down and force her. But I will make it an order. For both of you."

Irvine swallowed hard. "An order?"

"Yes," said Squall. "I'm sorry, but yes. It's an order."

Irvine looked back to Xu. He wasn't even sure she'd heard what Squall had said; she was ghostly pale and her eyes looked wild. "Xu?"

"I told you I have no choice."

"But…"

"Do it, Kinneas. Get it over with," the corners of her mouth twitched into a mocking smile. "Just don't expect me to enjoy it," she said.

Irvine looked down at her hands again, his heart pounding. This felt wrong. He'd never gone into anything but a completely willing mind before. He couldn't…

"Irvine, it's our only chance to help her," Squall said. "Please."

Irvine raised his eyes to meet Xu's, big and brown like a puppy dog's. Sad. Frightened. Desperate.

"Just try and relax," he told her, keeping his voice as steady as he could. "Don't try to pull your mind back. If you want me to stop, squeeze my hands. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

~Ether?~

~Sniper.~

~Ether, we need to find the block and remove it..~

~As you ask. Guide. Be still. Float. The Sniper quests.~

Guide? That must be Xu. But… Guide? Oh well. ~Ether, is she ready?~

~She is still.~

Irvine felt the usual rush as Ether entered Xu's mind, followed by the disorientation of being in someone else's thoughts and feelings. He tried to clear his mind, to follow what Ether was looking for, to relax into Xu's mind.

He found himself reeling back. There was something so black, so dark, so twisted there that he couldn't bear it. It wasn't just a wall, like Squall's mind block had been, this was moving, seething like molten rock or black treacle. More than just a spell, an organic, almost sentient thing… he was overwhelmed for a moment by a wave of nausea: it was so wrong that such a thing should be in someone's brain. He struggled to keep from throwing up, at the same time trying to force himself to look, knowing that Ether wouldn't be able to do anything about it otherwise.

~That is not the block. The block is elsewhere.~

~What? If it isn't the… what the fuck is it, Ether?~

~That which you do not wish to see.~

You can say that again, thought Irvine, before the familiarity of the words sank in. A cold chill ran up his spine. ~Like Risha?~

~Yes.~

Bane. Somehow the Guardian must have left something behind. ~Is it safe?~

~You are safe. You are with me.~

Relief washed over Irvine like a cleansing breeze. ~Ether, please hurry.~

~It is here.~

Then Irvine could see it; a wall, like Squall's had been; dark, like Risha's; unmistakably the same spell. It was already broken down in places; piles of rubble here and there, shaky foundations. Irvine shuddered to think what it must have cost Xu to break it down through sheer force of will.

~Sniper will cleanse.~

Irvine heard an echo of Xu's thoughts; this is for Selphie, this is for Selphie, this is for Selphie… She was repeating it over and over, a mantra to keep the fear away. Irvine resisted the urge to enter her thoughts and soothe, anxious not to make things worse. He could feel Xu's hands cold and clammy in his, trembling a little, but not squeezing. He concentrated his mind as Ether had shown him, and took down the wall, piece by piece, each brick crumbling to dust as he cast it out of Xu's mind. When every last scrap had gone, he slowly and carefully withdrew his thoughts from Xu's, trying hard all the while not to look at the blackness still writhing in her mind.

~We're done, Ether. Unless… can we do anything about… that which I don't want to see?~

~No.~

~Is it safe to leave it here?~

~I do not know how to destroy it.~

~I'll take that as a no, then. Okay. We're done.~

~Be well, Guide. We leave.~

Then Irvine was back in his own mind, and just his own mind; like falling into a warm bed, comfortable and reassuring. He opened his eyes to look into Xu's.

She looked at him helplessly for a moment, as if trying to understand something, and softly whispered "Selphie…" before she fell unconscious into his arms.

* * * * * * * *

"How's life treating you, then, Quisty?"

Quistis looked up from her papers to see Laguna smiling down at her, green eyes twinkling, and couldn't resist smiling back. He had that effect on people.

"What, apart from the impending war, the betrayal of my colleague and the loss in action of a dear friend?" she replied, forcing a lightness to her tone she didn't feel. "Pretty much as usual, you know."

"It's tough, huh?" Laguna pulled up a chair across from Quistis' desk and slouched forwards, elbows on the edge of her desk, leaning forwards to look at Quistis through the dark bangs that always seemed to be falling over his face. "Tell me about it."

"You know it all," said Quistis, flashing him a look over the top of her glasses. "You've read the reports." She detected a touch of mischief in his eyes. "Laguna, you have read the reports, haven't you?"

"Of course I have," said Laguna, trying to sound offended. "I meant tell me about you. How you're coping. All of you."

"We cope," Quistis turned her eyes across to her computer screen. "Just like we always have."

"Well that's encouraging," Laguna tilted his head a little to one side, trying to catch her attention. "What have Squall and Irvine fallen out over?"

"What?" She was genuinely surprised. "They've fallen out?"

"Well, they would hardly look at each other at the meeting last night. And I guess Zell will be feeling pretty left out."

"Zell? Why? He's in charge of the whole training programme. Well, with Xian."

"You don't think he would rather have gone to rescue Selphie?"

"Well… but…"

"And you, Quisty. Wouldn't you rather have gone to rescue Selphie?"

"I must trust Squall to know where my duty lies," she said, stiffly. "And then I'll do whatever he expects me to do, as well as I can. That's what being a SeeD's all about."

"Quistis, it's okay to admit it's not what you want," said Laguna, gently. "And to feel pissed about it."

She looked up sharply. "No, it isn't. I'm damn lucky to work for Squall, to be a SeeD, and part of Balamb Garden. I'm lucky just to be alive. I mustn't forget that."

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You already make enough sacrifices." He frowned at the anger that crossed her face.

"You don't think I'm capable of running things while Squall's away, do you?"

"What?!"

"That's what all this is about. You don't think I can do it."

"Quistis, don't be silly, of course I know you can. You could run this place with one hand tied behind your back."

To her horror she realised there were tears welling in her eyes. "Then why… we're coping just fine, Laguna. There's nothing to worry about. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting…" she got up, searching under the piles of paper on her desk for her keys: anything to concentrate her mind and keep the tears from falling.

"Quistis, what's the matter? Why are you so upset? What's happened to all of you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. We're fine. Just busy, that's all. We are getting ready to fight a war, you know." Dammit, I mustn't cry, mustn't cry…

"Quistis, look at me."

I can't. If I look at you, you'll know. You'll see me as I really am, hopeless, useless, incompetent…

She drew a little power from Pandemonia, just a tiny bit, just enough to calm herself. Pandemonia shifted in her mind, seeming uncomfortable: it cost Guardians to give up their energy like that, she knew, without any return from magic or combat. She would have to find some way to pay it back later, a trip to the training centre…

She raised her eyes to him, clear now, no tears, no panic, no anger. "You're worrying about nothing," she said, her voice calm, soothing even. "You're bound to, with Squall going to the Dia and everything. But please don't fret. We've been through worse, we'll get through this. And then everything will go back to normal, and we'll all be wondering what the fuss was about. I promise."

Laguna stared at her, a slight twitch at the corner of one eye, perplexed. "Yes," he said quietly. "Yes, of course. You're right. Sorry, Quisty, I didn't mean to intrude, or…"

She laughed, just a little too brightly. "Don't be silly. It's always good to see you. Now, if you don't mind, I have a meeting to get ready for…"

"Oh. Sorry, of course, yes, I didn't think, if you're busy, I'll go," Laguna got up, a frown across his brow. "Oh, one other thing, Quistis…"

"Yeah?"

"It's alright to fuck up occasionally. Gods, I do it all the time. No-one expects you to be perfect."

"Oh, really?" Quistis' eyes narrowed. "Tell that to Selphie."

"No, Quistis, I didn't mean…"

She looked pointedly at her watch.

"Sorry." He tossed his hair back out of his eyes. "Are you coming to say goodbye?"

"Of course," said Quistis, briskly. "They are my friends, after all."

Or at least, they used to be.

* * * * * * *

~Full life~

~Curaga~

Xu came to with a start, looking around in a daze.

"Xu? Are you okay?" Irvine held her gently, stroking her arm.

"What? Irvine? I'm… fuck, my head hurts."

"It'll fade soon. Do you want another cure?"

She shook her head. "I thought you said it wouldn't hurt," she murmured, shifting slightly but making no effort to extricate herself from his embrace.

"It doesn't usually," said Irvine. "It was more… complicated that usual."

"It's okay," she said, in a small voice. "It worked… I can think properly now, and … have you unjunctioned Ether?"

"Yes," said Irvine. "It was Ether that was the problem, wasn't it? Between us? After you junctioned Bane."

She nodded. "Yes. The … it carries all the same prejudices as the Guardian did… It seems obvious, now. But at the time… I just couldn't think straight. Gods, it's been so long since I could think…."

Squall and Irvine exchanged a look. "We need to ask you some things," said Squall, calmly.

"Is that okay?" asked Irvine. "We wouldn't rush you, only we need to go soon."

"Of course… Selphie." She looked up at Irvine, eyes wide. "You're going to save her?"

"Yes," Irvine replied, simply. "We are."

"Just tell us what we need to know," said Squall. "Try not to leave anything out."

"Do you want a glass of water or anything?" Irvine offered.

Xu shook her head. "No, thanks." She took a deep breath. "I think Bane took over Chet's head. It made him do things, I think Chet was unwilling at first, but later… he was a different person. Bane feeds off dark emotions, anger, jealousy, hatred, and it made Chet feel those things so it could feed. Like Ether does with… other emotions."

"Ether doesn't make me do anything," said Irvine, quickly.

"Maybe because it doesn't have to," Xu gave a little smile. "You're very compatible. And maybe affection and love are easier to find round here than anger and jealousy."

"So where do the Dia come in?"

"Bane needs the crystals, for something. I don't know what, Chet would never tell me; and the crystals are related to the Dia somehow, although I don't know how. They have unusual properties: when they vibrate at a certain frequency they emit sounds, complex, like music. It can alter the human brain, especially if there's a certain combination of light, or if a particular potion is ingested. That's all I know about them. I found details of some of Chet's experiments, and he seemed to be trying to find out how it worked; it looked as if in some circumstances the brain could resist, but I'm not certain what they were."

"How can we get that kind of immunity?" asked Squall. "A silence spell? Ear protectors?"

"I don't know. I think it's the frequency of the vibration, rather than the sound… I can't be sure, Squall, I'm sorry. I think the memory loss is related, somehow, but I don't know how: maybe the vibrations erase memories, or something... we've never had anyone get the memories back, so we don't know.""

"It could be Bane," said Squall. "All Guardians can take memories. Maybe it's just better at it, so they don't come back."

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Do you have any idea what Chet is trying to achieve?"

Xu shook her head. "No. I'm sorry. He's obviously in some kind of an alliance with the Dia, but I don't know why, or what their motives might be. I'm sorry, that's all I know. If I think of anything else I'll let you know straight away." She shuffled a little, straightening her spine. "Now, go. Get Selphie. Please." She turned her pleading eyes to Squall. "Just bring her back, safe. Please?"

Squall put a hand to her shoulder, gave it a little squeeze. "I'll do my best, Xu."

"Get some rest," said Irvine. "We'll have her back in no time."

"I hope so," Xu said, her face troubled. "Whatever happens… Irvine… tell her I didn't want her to go, and I wish I could have kept her safe and.. tell her I love her. Please?"

There was a pause; Irvine swallowed. "Yes," his voice cracked a little. "I will." He looked into sad eyes. "I promise."

"Thank you. And Irvine…" she squeezed his hand, "I still think you jerk women around too much. But I'm sorry I said all those things. I know you're not.. you wouldn't… I know you're better than that."

"Xu… you know you have that thing inside your head, still?"

She nodded. "It's been there since that first junction."

"What thing?" asked Squall, alarmed.

"It's a shadow of Bane," Irvine explained. "I don't know what it'll do. But we couldn't get rid of it."

"It talks to me," said Xu, sending a chill right to Irvine's heart. "It tries to make me do things, say things… but it's weak, without the blocking spell. I can think straight, argue with it… before all I could do was ignore it as best I could. I'll understand, if you want to lock me up," she looked up at Squall with big eyes. "I know I could be a danger."

"I don't want to… but I think you'd better stay in your quarters. I'm sorry, Xu."

"That's alright. I understand."

"You might find it'll be easier to get rid of yourself, now you're thinking clearly," said Squall, remembering the conversation with Ether's echo, after he broke down the memory block. "If you don't listen to it, maybe…"

"Of course," Irvine remembered this, from Squall's diary; Ether's echo, after Squall had broken down his own memory block. Gods. And he did that all by himself… without so much as a headache.

He wondered suddenly what it looked like, Ether's shadow. Whether it was anything like the disgusting, writhing thing in Xu's mind. Irvine shuddered, skin crawling into goosebumps.

He realised Squall was standing, waiting for him; he gave Xu's hand a last squeeze and got up.

"Thank you, Xu," said Squall, sounding at last as though he meant it.

"It's… there's nothing to thank me for. Now, go." Xu scrambled to her feet. "And bring back Selphie."

She looked at them both with a calm expression that belied her pain, and saluted.

* * * * * * *

"Hey, I wonder who's gonna drive?"

"What?" Quistis watched Zell shadow box his way down the corridor, bouncing in a zig-zag from one side to the other, like some kind of demented pinball.

"Well, you usually drive, don'tcha?"

"Only… well, yes. But it's not exactly a rare skill."

"It won't be Frila, she's too young…" Zell paused for a moment, taking that on board. "Shit, can you imagine? Too young to drive and already on her first mission."

"I'm sure she can drive," said Quistis, massaging her temples. She had to get through this somehow, she daren't take any more power from Pandemonia, and she was all out of elixir. She fervently wished Zell would just shut the fuck up and stay still.

"I think it'll be Squall. Wanna bet?"

"No, Zell, I don't. I want to see them off and get back to work as soon as I can. So should you."

Zell shrugged, and launched into an unnervingly efficient set of flick-flacks that took him the rest of the distance to the Garden entrance, where the others were loading the car.

Whoever was going to drive, Quistis didn't envy them. It was a long way, and cars were so slow. They'd gotten used to the Ragnarok, over the past couple of years, but it would have attracted too much attention for this mission, being the only space-worthy vessel outside of Esthar.

It was hopeless. How did they think they could sneak in under the Dia's noses and snatch Selphie back, after what had happened last time? Impossible. If she was even alive.

No. Stop thinking like that. Hold it together, Quistis. Just a few more minutes and they'll be gone, and you can get back to work and stop thinking about them…

It was Squall, as it happened, who hauled himself up into the driver's seat of the jeep, Rinoa beside him with a map, Irvine and Frila in the back.

Frila. A cadet. Of course, Quistis thought, bitterly. Why take Quistis Trepe, highest ranking SeeD in the whole of Garden, apart from Squall himself, when you could take a fifteen-year old cadet?

Oceanus, Quistis reminded herself. That's why.

There was hugging, and Laguna clowned around some until Squall rolled his eyes and Irvine laughed, and then they were gone. They didn't even mention Selphie's name, not one of them, but it hung in the air as thick as smoke.

Just go, thought Quistis, over and over, until they were actually gone. Then everything went still and quiet, even Zell, and she found she couldn't move, she just stood, staring down the road until the jeep was less than a speck on the horizon.

An unfamiliar arm wound strongly around her body, feeling so good it made her ache inside.

"It'll be okay, Quistis," Laguna hugged her. "They'll be back before you know it."

Will they? thought Quistis, using all the strength she had to stand still and not surrender to this awful kindness.

And, if they do, will I pretend to care?

* * * * * * *

They arrived at the coast just as the sun was setting. It would have been romantic, Irvine reflected, if they had just come for a beach party, the four of them… well. Not that he was thinking of Frila as a potential candidate for double dating, of course, but…

He touched Frila's shoulder, gently shaking her awake. She'd been asleep for most of the journey, curled up on the seat next to him like a cat. "Hey, Hotshot, we're here. Time to take the piss out of Squall while he puts the tents up…"

"I heard that, Irvine," said Squall, placidly.

Frila stretched and yawned, pulling herself slowly to sitting. "Pretty," she said, her eyes caught by the crimson wash of sky ahead of them.

Yes, thought Irvine, watching her smile softly at the sunset. Very.

"You two go on recon," Squall said, "me and Rin'll set up camp. Try not to kill anything unless you have to, I don't want to draw attention to ourselves."

"Okay," Irvine jumped easily down from the jeep. It felt good to hear Squall give orders that didn't refer to personnel or deployments. Almost like old times. "If you're sure you two wouldn't rather have the walk in the sunset option."

Squall gave him a hard stare; Rinoa giggled.

"Just sayin'," Irvine grinned. "Come on Hotshot, let's go see how the land lies. Do you want us to find fish for dinner? Or are we on dry rations?"

"Whatever," Squall said, busy unloading gear into a tidy pile.

"Fish would be lovely," said Rinoa. "See if you can find any of those little pink ones with the spiky fins. I love those."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do."

"Pricklefish," said Frila, distantly, still gazing at the sunset. "My brother used to bring those back when he…" she tailed off.

"You have a brother?" asked Irvine, curious.

"What?" she was startled, as if she'd not realised she'd said anything out loud. "Yes. Had. Come on, let's go. Pricklefish sound good."

Irvine and Rinoa exchanged a look; Rinoa shrugged.

"Haven't you gone yet?" came Squall's voice from behind the jeep. "It'll be dark soon."

Irvine and Frila set off down the beach; Rinoa watched as they scampered over the dunes and towards the retreating tide.

"Squall… what do you actually know about that mad cadet?"

"Frila?" Squall came closer, slipping an arm easily around her waist. "She's going to be a fucking excellent gunblader one day. Oceanus really likes her. She has instincts I haven't seen since… well, not in a very long time."

"Do you think she has the hots for Irvine?"

Squall considered this for a moment. He hadn't really considered any aspect of Frila's life apart from the punishing training schedule he'd set her. And her Guardian.

"I guess," he said, eventually. "After all, most people do." He shifted a little awkwardly, his leather jeans suddenly constricting. Including me, apparently, he thought, silently cursing his body for its response. He pulled Rinoa a little closer.

"Do you think he…"

"Gods, no. Of course not. She's far too young, and anyway, he must be so cut up about Selphie. I'm sure he's not even looking." He brushed his lips against her hair, breathing in her scent, suddenly intoxicated.

Rinoa gazed thoughtfully at the diminishing shadows of Irvine and Frila down by the sea. "I suppose you're right," she said. "Hey, thanks for getting rid of them for a while."

He grinned lopsidedly at her. "You noticed that, huh?"

She grinned back. "You're getting devious in your old age."

"I just wanted you to myself for a bit."

"I'm glad." She turned to face him, softly pressing her body against his. "I was worried we'd have to be terribly professional the whole mission, and …"

"No," he said, his voice deep, his hands smoothing over her back, one coming to rest on her butt. "I couldn't do that. I want you too much," he brushed his lips over her ear, down her neck, "all the time."

She moaned softly, her body responding instantly to his touch. "Now," she said. "Here. Right here. I want you to do me against the jeep, now…"

His lips brushed over hers, teasing a little, before settling into a deep kiss, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, pushing his hips against hers.

"Gods, Rin…" he breathed, sucking steadily on her earlobe.

"Gods yourself," she replied, sliding one hand between their bodies to undo his pants. "Do you have any idea what you do to me? You're so fucking hot, Leonhart, with your hair and your sexy leather pants and your butt…"

Squall might have been shocked at her words, a couple of weeks ago. But he knew her, now. Back in the Fire Cavern, when she claimed him, captured him by wrapping her strong body around him and welding their flesh together, he'd found the fire inside the sweet, pretty girl everyone thought they knew. As her knight he'd been the only one to understand her magic, getting right inside her soul to feel it, deep, primal, needing… just like this… with a groan he pushed her against the car, lifting her none too gently onto the hood, his mouth sealed over hers.

* * * * * * *

He fell forward, palms crashing onto the hood of the jeep, panting. He felt her hand, stroking his sweat-damp hair gently now; she was stretching luxuriously underneath him, a satisfied smile on her face. He realised he was grinning, even as he caught his breath, a stupid, idiotic grin, as if it was the only expression he could remember, she'd mashed his brains so well.

"That was nice," she purred.

"N… nice?" he stammered. "Just … nice?"

She laughed. "Alright, fucking fantastic. OK?"

"That's better," he let his elbows buckle enough so he could kiss her, licking the sweat from her neck, her face. "Gods, Rin, I never… you… it's never been like this before."

"I know," she murmured. "I wish… I wish we didn't have to be apart tonight."

"What d'you mean?" he raised his head, puzzled. "No-one's going anywhere till the morning."

"Yes, I know, I just meant… I won't be able to sleep with you."

"Well, you'll only be a few feet away." He kissed her throat, nuzzled her breast through her tee-shirt.

"But I can't … hold you. I can't make love to you. I need…"

"Again? I've just fucked you within an inch of your life, woman, what more do you want?" He considered that for a moment. "We could sneak off after dinner for a bit, say we were going to patrol…"

"No, I meant… well, yes, that would be fun, but… I'll miss you holding me when we go to sleep, and tomorrow there's the cave and the mission and…"

"… and you're frightened," he said, aware as soon as he'd spoken that his brain was still full of warm fuzzy post-coital bliss and not necessarily connected to his mouth.

"Yes," she said, in a tiny voice. The fact that she'd admitted it so readily made him feel suddenly protective of her. "It's the tunnels… I can't…"

"Irvine could share with Frila," he stroked her face softly, "it'll be fine."

"But it's not… won't Frila mind?" she conveniently ignored the willingness with which Frila had seemed to be cuddled up with Irvine that morning.

"We all slept together before now," he reminded her. "You remember that time on the way to Winhill? All six of us in one hotel room? Or you me and Irvine, when we were… oh." He stopped, suddenly deep in thought.

"What? I don't remember…"

"No," he shrugged. "I think I must have dreamt it."

"It's different," she said, "when we have a choice. I meant what I said, back in the fire cavern. I don't want any special treatment."

She meant it. He could see her mind working, smoothing over the fear with pure determination, telling herself it would be alright. Making herself strong. So beautiful, his love, his sorceress, her skin glowing in the fading light…

"I'll be right here," he promised. "If you need me."

"Thank you," she whispered, big brown eyes warm and grateful. "Now, let's make camp before they come back. I'm not sure Frila's ready to see her Commander with his pants down yet."

To her delight he blushed, just a little. "It's all your fault," he kissed one bare knee as he carefully disentangled himself from her body, "you've corrupted me."

"Heh." She slid off the hood of the jeep, retrieving her shorts. "I could do with a shower," she murmured.

"It'll have to wait," said Squall. "You should've thought of that before you forced me to make you all hot and sweaty."

"Fair enough," she said cheerfully. "It's a small price to pay." She looked out at the ocean. The last few ribbons of pink and cream were fading into the horizon, leaving the inky sky and sea to merge together into darkness. "I wonder how the fishing's going…"

"Hn." Squall was rummaging around, looking for a light. "I expect Irvine's showing off, as usual."

* * * * * * *

Irvine was, in fact, being impressed.

Frila could fish. She was good at it: remarkably good for someone who didn't much like being still. But she was able to spot a fish, slide her hand in the water without making so much as a ripple, and just pick it out in one clean move.

"Where did you learn to do that?" he asked, amazed.

"Oh, it's an old skill, passed down in my family for generations," she said.

"Really? I didn't know fishing and junk shops went together particularly." Irvine watched tiny waves washing at his feet, miniature surf.

"They don't," she gave him an impish smile. "It's Oceanus, actually."

Irvine huffed with mock outrage. "I knew that," he lied. "I was just testing."

She laughed, rinsing her fingers in a little rock pool. "Cool, though, huh?"

"Yes." Irvine regarded her thoughtfully. The last of the sun was gone now, no more twinkles of light on the waves. "Is it working out okay for you, the whole Oceanus thing?"

It wasn't so dark that he couldn't see the spark in her eyes. "It's better than I ever imagined," she said. "Not just the power, the little things. It calms me down, makes me.. well, I can think better. Things are clearer. And it's like having a friend, someone who'll always listen and never judges." She picked a shell out of the pool, turning it over in her fingers; it was soft pink and purple, iridescent. "Is it like that for you?"

"Yes. It's different with different Guardians, but, yes."

"How many have you got?"

"At the moment? Just Ether. I can't junction any others while I've got Ether. But sometimes there's Siren, and Shiva."

"And they're all different? I mean, they feel different?"

"Uhuh. Do you want to try?"

"What?"

"Here." He pulled her hand to the back of his head. "Take Shiva from me. Just for a minute."

"How?" She couldn't keep her fingers still: they automatically curled to stroke his skull.

"Just call her, like you did Oceanus. She's not junctioned."

"She? I thought they didn't have gender?"

Irvine snorted. "Believe, me, Shiva's female. You'll see. Some of them do, some don't."

"Oh. Okay."

Irvine felt the brief loss as Shiva left him for Frila.

"Wow." Frila looked up at him, almost glowing for a moment as she took on Shiva's icy power.

"Alright?" Irvine asked.

"Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's… different."

"See? Like I said."

"And female," she grinned. "She fancies you."

"What can I say?" Irvine shrugged, grinning. "We flirted for a bit, but at the end of the day… It would never work, human and Guardian… we reached an understanding."

"And Squall. She likes Squall, too."

"What? She never told me that," Irvine mused, a little offended. "Although I guess it makes sense. Hey, how come she's telling you all this?"

"Well, girl talk, you know."

"Hmph. No fair. If I wanted you to know all my secrets I'd have given you Ether."

"What's Ether like?"

"Ether's… very different. The whole emotion thing, pretty big. It took some getting used to."

"It must have. Here, you'd better have Shiva back." She took his hand, ready to pull it to her head.

"Nah. You keep her for a while. I can't have her junctioned with Ether, and I've got Siren for back up. You'll have more use of her than me. Besides," he curled his fingers around her hand, "she'll get less distracted in your head than in mine."

"Thank you." She looked up at him; it was nearly dark, the tide had receded and the surf no longer played at their feet. "Irvine, I…"

He silenced her with a kiss, holding her close and plundering her soft mouth with his tongue; she pressed her body up against him, moaning softly.

He felt Ether singing in his head, and suddenly pulled back. "Fuck, Frila, I'm sorry, I…"

"Don't apologise," she said, softly. "You're always apologising for giving me what I want. There's no need."

"Yes, there is. It's not…" not what I want. It's Ether. It's not what I want. Is it?

"We could both be dead tomorrow."

He froze, his arms still around her; he could feel her heart beating against his chest, pounding, so strong, so alive… "Don't say that," he whispered in her ear, his head filling with the ocean scent of her hair, "don't ever say that."

"But…"

"Tomorrow we're going to rescue Selphie," he said, as if it were the most straightforward thing in the world, "and I'm going to take care of you, and it's going to be alright. I promise."

She sighed, her body leaning into his, soft and warm. She didn't say anything, just let him hold her, her eyes closed.

They stayed like that until their shadows had blended into dark, and the only clue to the ocean's presence was the distant roar of the waves crashing over each other in the stillness of the night.

* * * * * * * *

Selphie looked at the chain, and wondered why he'd put it there.

She hadn't tried to run away. There was no way she could escape from her cell, take on the guards. No way at all. She could barely stand.

The chain didn't bother her. The cuff around her ankle chafed a little, but being physically shackled to the wall seemed somehow irrelevant. The real chain was in her mind, weaving black around her thoughts, her memories. It was taking every scrap of strength she had to resist it now, and every time it left more of itself behind, writhing and twisting in her head.

Xu. For Xu. I can survive this, for Xu.

Footsteps. Familiar. How many times now? Ten? Twenty? More than twenty? She had no idea.

She hummed silently in her head, careful not to sing out loud: the gag had choked and hurt her, she didn't want that again. The door rattled open, and he was there, dark, glowering, vial in one hand, crystal in the other.

He didn't bother taking her to the lab any more. He gave her just enough time to regain consciousness, build enough strength to make it worth his while.

He backhanded her sharply across the face, splitting her lip. Blood flowed to her tongue, bright, warm. She didn't cry out, but she glared at him with all the hatred she could find. He had to hit her, to make her angry; she had that little left. He needed her angry, hating him, she understood that now. So she let him have her hatred. The sooner he did this, the sooner he'd go.

"You have surpassed our wildest expectations," he droned. "No-one should be able to endure what you've lived through."

This was the end, then, she realised. He'd toyed with her all this time, tested her, but he'd always had the power to finish it. And this was the time. Now. Here. This was when she was going to die. She was foolish to ever have thought she might survive.

He carried out the ritual swiftly; the liquid in her dry mouth tasted bitter, like gin; the crystal burned her skin. She closed off the corner of her heart where she kept Xu, and let him play with the rest. She felt weary, resigned: at least she could keep her memory of Xu - or was it a dream? - whatever it was, she would take that with her, pure, unsullied, to her grave. It was comforting. Xu, her dark hair shining in the sunshine that day they'd spent in Winhill, making love in the flower field… Xu holding Selphie in comforting arms as she cried in the graveyard at Trabia, a year to the day after her Garden was destroyed; Xu sending her on this mission, impatient with her because she was hungover; Xu crying in the shower, begging her not to go… Xu…

Oh no.

No. Please.

She looked at him, vivid green eyes wide with horror.

"No!"

A slow, sadistic smile spread across his face. "Oh yes," he said. "There it is."

"No, you can't have her! You bastard! Fucker! No!" she screamed her throat raw, sobbing, pulling her mind back out of reach, but too late.

"Xu," he laughed. "Of course. How did I miss it before?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she cursed herself over and over for her weakness. She'd been so close…" Xu, I'm so sorry…

"Sorry? Now, why should you feel sorry for Xu? Oh, that's right. You love her. You want to see her again. You want to play peverted little games in the meadow with her. You want to be with your girl, don't you, little Selphie? You want to do bad, naughty things with her…"

"No! I'm not listening! I won't listen! No!"

"Let me see, where was the bit in the shower again?" He reached into her mind, black, dirty, twisting… "Here it is. Oh, hang on, let's go back a bit. I do so love a bit of girl on girl action. And see, you're so pretty, with the soap and all…"

She tried to close her mind, to think of something else, to not look while he replayed her memories, but it was impossible.

"Oh gods... oh gods... oh gods… no, no, no…" she nearly forgot to hum, remembering just in time, as the pain started and her mind threatened to slip away.

"Now, this is interesting," he was saying. "You see, she didn't want you to go, did she?"

She was frightened. Worried that I'd forget her. She wanted me to remember her. Because she loved me.

"Now, you were doing well there for a while, then you let your blind, stupid love misguide you. You're absolutely right, she was worried that you'd forget her. But you seem to think she loves you, and I'm sorry to have to tell you that she doesn't, much. She can't do, because, you see, it was Xu who led you here. She sent you on this mission, and she knew I was here. She delivered you straight into my arms, because she knew you were the one I could use. When she said she wanted you to remember her, she didn't mean in some romantic, kinky lover way. She wanted you to deliver your memories of her to me. And, oh, my pretty, how well you've performed."

No. Don't listen. Xu would never…

"Oh, but she would. Why do you think all this happened? Why do you have two sets of memories for those months after Ultimecia? Haven't you asked yourself why? Who had the power to make you forget the great love of your life for her? To re-write history so she could possess you?"

"No. She would never… I was… she comforted me, after Irvine… she…"

"Oh, now you're sounding pathetic. There's loyalty, and there's love, but this is just pathetic. Think about it, you stupid slut. She sent you here to die. She knew. She knew I would do this to you, she could have called off the mission and she didn't."

"But…"

"So, you see, you don't have any friends." His body circled her, prowling, as his Guardian insinuated into every corner of her mind. "Trepe abandoned you. Dincht hated you for what you did to Heartilly. We know only too well what Heartilly and Kinneas and Leonhart did, don't we? And your lover betrayed you. To me. Here."

She hung her head, beyond despair.

"So," he purred in her head, as the thing feasted on her anguish, "there's no point any more, is there?"

No. No point at all. None. Without them, I am nothing. I should have died at Ultimecia's hand. I wish I had.

Her survival mocked her; it had just prolonged the end, after all.

And she knew, as Bane bent blackly around her mind, that this was the end.

**************************************************************

Author's note: Hope it was worth the wait! Sorry it's taken a while, I've been dallying with Weiss Kreuz… now I have two fandoms to write in at once. And crossovers. ::happy sigh:: All I need now is the 48 hour day ^_^