Is There More?
Author: Knowhere
Chapter 16: Obstruction
Rating: Pg-13
Disclaimer: Nothing
AN: I ran into a slight writer's block prior to writing this chapter. I know where I want to go with the plot; I just didn't know exactly how I wanted to unfold the story. But anyways, I liked how it turned out. I apologize for the slight delay in posting.
Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.
Jess flips on the light that illuminates most of our modest apartment and drops his duffel on the floor. He stretches his muscles that have become cramped due to the long bus ride back home while I walk over to the answering machine to check our messages. Lane called to see how I was doing and Mom called twice to see if we got home yet—typical. Ever since I was born it was like we were joined at the hip, and yet I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel Jess's presence come behind me as he wraps his slender arms around my waist. He takes a deep breath and lets it out, tickling the tender area of the nape of my neck. I giggle and squirm to face him. "Hey" I state slightly out of breath but I can't seem to say any more because he's gazing straight into my eyes.
"Hi" he replies with his usual monotone voice and cracks a slight smile as he descends and proceeds to lean in and kiss me ever so softly on my lips. I can feel him take a slight breath of air before fitting his mouth over mine again. This kiss is different; it's warm and gentle yet full of promise of what the future will hold. I tangle my fingers into his hair as he gently leads me to his bedroom. Without breaking the intense contact that we have, he has shut the door while beginning to slowly undo the zipper on my sweater. He's taking his time, enjoying the moment but I'm becoming impatient. I quickly unzip the jacket myself and he pulls back and retorts with a low chuckle. "What's the rush? We have all night, you know?" His eyes are full of laughter even though he only shows a small hint of a smirk on his lips.
I'm embarrassed at how easily he caught onto my impatience and I blush while looking away, trying to fix my eyes on anything else but his. I bite my lower lip and I reconsider my actions but Jess slowly tilts my chin up to look at him with his index finger and lifts an eyebrow. "But I think it's cute that you can't wait."
He doesn't let me reply or become more self-conscious because he's slowly kissing me again with the passionate yet mysterious touch that I long for. He methodically deepens the kiss and I reach out to gently tug at his tee-shirt. Jess momentarily breaks our connection and I feel oddly empty, while he takes the opportunity to rid himself of the obtrusive garment. He leans back down brushing away some of the hair that is softly draped over my shoulders. His fingers reveal the tender area that he knows drives me crazy. I let out a small sigh of restlessness and he understands. He starts to kiss down to my neck and then to my collarbone and I try to gather together my wits to begin to concentrate on the buttons and zipper of his jeans.
We climb into bed and meet in the middle while enjoying the precious moments that we have alone to ourselves. He seems to sense that something's wrong with me and he tries to express his emotions with the movements of his body. Jess doesn't have to utter a word of assurance because he can express so much more with his actions instead of words.
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I roll over and see that the clock reads 1:00 AM and despite the fact that I'm exhausted, I can't seem to fall asleep. I can hear Jess's soft breathing behind me and I gently fidget out of his arms but he tightens his hold on me instead. I turn my head and smile tenderly; I love that his automatic response is to protect. It's one of my favorite aspects of Jess; he isn't the jealous type, but he's very protective of the ones that he loves. Though he never willingly shows his vaguely possessive side, he can never fool me into thinking that he wouldn't defend me. I bend down and give him a tender kiss and he lets go of me while rolling onto his other side.
I try not to make any noise as I close the door behind me and saunter my way into the kitchen. I reach the closet where I keep my backpack and I attain the letter that I've hidden deep in the security of my thickest binder. I tuck it into the kangaroo pocket of my sweatshirt and trudge over to the coffee maker, flipping the switch. I pull out a chair from under the table and sit while contemplating my situation. I get up to open the shutter to the window that lets in the whir of lights that belong only to the city night life. After many years of living in a town that is completely dead after eleven o'clock, it's a nice change of pace to see people still up at the local diner grabbing a midnight snack. The coffee is done and I grab my favorite mug and pour in the thick aroma that serves to calm my nervous energy.
Sitting down at the dining table I take a deep breath and reach into my sweatshirt to take out the letter. I open the well-worn creases and gloss over the print that looks so important and business-like. I read it over and over again, as if repetition would change my situation.
The door creaks and I silently fold the letter back up again hide it in my pocket. I can tell that Jess is coming up behind me wondering what I'm doing up at such a late hour. I see his back turned towards me and he grabs the nearest mug while filling it up with his own black coffee. He turns around and sits across from me, warming his hands on the sides of the cup. Jess takes a sip and I can tell that he's trying to formulate the right words to say. "Is everything alright?"
I plaster on my fake bright smile that would usually fool anybody except for Jess. "Yeah, I just couldn't sleep."
He nods slowly and logically but he knows that I'm lying to him. I can't stand the intensity of his gaze, as if his eyes were digging deep inside of me for the truth. We both take another sip of our coffee and sit in the silence of the moment. I'm trying to come up with the words to tell him, and I can feel him becoming frustrated that he can't help me with whatever's bothering me. Usually Jess doesn't care about other people's problems, but I've noticed that with mine, he just can't seem to give up until he has helped me solve it.
Jess reaches across the table and takes a hold of one of my hands and tries desperately to comfort me once again. "Rory, whatever it is you can tell me."
"I know; but I'm just not ready right now." I pray that he'll understand that I need some time to digest this information myself before I can declare it to him. I'm thankful that he cares enough to want to share in my dilemma, but I don't know if I can let him take on part of my burden just yet.
He nods once again, acknowledging my response without jumping to anger or false conclusions. We continue to sit in the dim light of the kitchen while the clock on the wall ticks away the minutes of the late night. He sips his coffee and tightens his grasp on my hand, not bothering with anymore words. Silence engulfs us and we're becoming lost in our thoughts.
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The weekend is over and I wake up to find myself in the comfort of Jess's arms. I don't remember when we wordlessly decided to go back to bed, but I know it was late. It's Monday today and contrary to his schedule; I have to head to class soon. I hesitantly get out of bed and I flip on the bright, offensive light in the bathroom to start the morning ritual. The shower is running hot and I shed my clothing to step into the steamy shower to relax the muscles that have become cramped with fatigue.
I quickly run into the kitchen and grab a packet of pop-tarts and leave a quick note for Jess telling him that I love him and that I'd see him later today after my afternoon classes. I snatch my keys off the little side table and lock the door behind me to start my trek to school.
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It has been a long and weary day especially with the daunting thoughts that ran through my mind all day. I can't help but think of all the bad consequences and outcomes that might result from my decision. I sit here on the subway and I'm lost in my thoughts while staring at nothing in particular. I zip open my backpack and grab the notebook where the letter is always shoved back into. Coming up empty handed I realize that I didn't take it out of the sweatshirt that I was wearing last night.
I climb the stairs that lead to the apartment and I suddenly remember an overwhelming factor—I had left the letter in Jess's favorite sweatshirt. Undoubtedly, he would have picked it up this morning and slipped it on. I silently pray that he didn't realize what the jacket held as I slip my key into the door, releasing the lock.
I fling open the door, quickly scanning the room for Jess's presence. I see his hunched form sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, looking out the window. He doesn't look at me as I inaudibly close the door. I set down my things and I can tell that he's clutching the letter in the grips of his fingers.
I gently slide down onto the cold wood floor and tuck my legs into an 'Indian style' and sit next to him. He turns his head to peer at me and I can't read a single emotion in his eyes. They're so guarded that I squint with confusion and apology. He takes my hand into his and brings it to his lips and gently kisses my fingers. With our fingers interlocked he utters, "I guess this is why you've been closed off, huh?"
Tears are pushing the borders of my eyes and I bite down on my lip because I can't control the quivering. I nod once and Jess furrows his brow in consolation. He pulls me closer to him and whispers, "Don't cry, baby. You shouldn't cry."
I clutch his shirt and control the tears that fall from my face but I can't seem to control the sudden rush of uncertainty that looms over my head. Jess kisses the top of my head and turns to look once again out the window. I also turn to see what he's looking at and I see that the sky is turning a shade a gray. Clouds are gathering and a light rain is beginning to soothingly fall from the sky. Tears have stopped now and we just both look out the window while he draws me close to him, trying to comfort me with silence.
AN: I'm sure I've got you guys pretty worked up now about what's really bothering Rory, huh? Well don't worry, you will know soon enough. Let me know what you think; as always, it's always great to hear people's responses.