Original characters, world and backstory belong to Squaresoft, lucky folks.

This is a bit mangled in places to conform with fan fiction net's censorship policy. The full NC-17 version with all the smut the author intended is on my website, www.scribblemoose.co.uk ^_^

Please tell me what you think of it, here or by e-mail (fanfic@scribblemoose.co.uk)

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Chapter 27 - Undone

Irvine stared at the closed doors where Squall had just left. His throat was tight, he could hardly breathe, and he started when Rinoa touched his fisted hand.

"Let me talk to him. He can't be serious." Her eyes were full of concern, and perhaps a little anger. "He's just frustrated that we can't do anything."

"Is it really so terrible?" came Kiros' steady voice. "Is it not like healing her?"

Irvine shook his head. "No," he mumbled. "It's not like that at all. She'd have to surrender her mind to me, I'd have to force her to. It's like…"

Rape.

Squall should know that. Of all people, Squall should understand.

"Will it hurt her?" asked Frila.

"Yes," said Irvine. "If she doesn't trust me, she'll try to resist, and if I have to find my way through her mind when it's closed... It'll be like Risha, only a hundred times worse, and I can't…" suddenly the dam broke and his shoulders started to heave with huge, gut-wrenching sobs. "I. Can't. Hurt. Elph. I can't…"

Rinoa stood on one side of him, Frila the other; Rin put her arm around his shoulder and Frila started to do the same. Only at the last minute did she snatch her hand back and turn instead to the water jug in the middle of the desk, fighting back her own tears.

"Then let me talk to him," said Rinoa. "He mustn't realise…"

"He does, Rin," choked Irvine. "He ~knows."

"It's his only choice," said Kiros. "We need to know what Chet and the Dia are doing."

"Couldn't you talk to Odine?" asked Rinoa, scrabbling wildly for some kind of solution. "Couldn't he find a way of sedating her or…"

Kiros shook his head sadly.

"I don't have a choice, do I?" Irvine took the glass of water Frila passed him gratefully, and drank it all down in one as if it were a shot of Trabian brandy. "He gave me an order."

"Maybe he didn't mean it," said Frila, hopelessly.

"He doesn't give orders he doesn't mean."

"But… what about that time you choked," she said, "in the clock tower. You said he understood, then, he helped you…"

"Oh yeah," Irvine laughed, a little bitterly. "He did a real good job of helping me try to assassinate the only mother I ever knew. Like he ordered me to kill half the friends I knew from Galbadia. He's just brilliant at making me hurt the people I love."

"He'd do it himself, if he could," said Rinoa softly. "He's not enjoying this, you know."

"No?" Irvine's eyes flashed purple at her, and she slowly withdrew her arm.

"Do what you think is right," she said.

Irvine looked around the table, at Rinoa, avoiding eye contact now, her loyalties clearly divided; at Frila, staring at the water jug and fighting back tears that seemed suddenly childish and unhelpful; at Kiros, who at least would meet his gaze, and with some sympathy. But no solutions.

None of them could understand. None of them could give him a way out. None of them knew what Squall was asking him to do.

~Ether?~

~Sniper.~

~You understand what Leonhart has asked of us?~

~Yes~

~Can we do it without her permission? If she struggles?~

~It will hurt Spirit. It will hurt us.~

~Is there anything we can do to make it better?~

~No.~

Without another word, Irvine took himself off to carry out his orders.

* * * * * * *

She lay there, pale and vulnerable, still hooked up to a drip. She was awake, and seemed able to tolerate Squall's presence, at least. He was sitting next to the bed, looking at her hand as if he might like to hold it, but didn't dare. Irvine pressed his nose against the glass, willing her to look at him, to smile at him, to be his Selphie again.

She stared resolutely at the ceiling, eyes open but dull, silent.

Irvine quietly opened the door, and entered the room. He ignored Squall, going round to the other side of the bed.

"Selphie?"

She looked up at him and screamed with a voice raw from screaming too much. And kept screaming.

Oh gods.

"Selphie, it's me, Irvine, I'm not gonna hurt you, babe. Please."

She tossed her head from side to side, eyes squeezed shut, screaming and screaming and screaming... Then Odine's staff were there, bustling about... The first time Irvine noticed the leather restraints on the bed were as they started to buckle them around her flailing limbs.

"Oh no," he whispered. "Oh, please, no."

They were strapping her down so he could…

He could feel Squall's eyes on him, ice-cold and penetrating, but he refused to return his gaze.

Tell me I don't have to do this, Squall. I'm your weapon, your sniper, your assassin. It's your choice. But I'm your friend. She's your friend. Don't make me do this.

"Now, Irvine." His voice was steel through and through.

It had gone quiet all of a sudden; he realised they'd gagged her.

She struggled still, her liquid green eyes full of fear and loathing.

"Selphie, please believe me. I don't want to hurt you." He sat on the bed, slowly moving his hands towards hers, tears streaming down his cheeks. "If you're in there, 'Elph, it's me, Irvine. I love you more than my own life, I don't want to hurt you."

She was rubbing her wrists raw against the restraints, trying to escape the inevitable touch of his fingers to hers.

Squall clamped his hands over her forearms, forcing her still.

Irvine surrounded her tight little fists with his long fingers, stroking her skin gently, forcing himself to look into her eyes and face the terror he knew he'd find there.

"Just be brave, Selphie," whispered Irvine, "please be brave…"

~Ether. Cleanse.~

There was a pause, and Irvine suddenly thought Ether was going to refuse. But it didn't. He felt the rush, and then all at once he was inside Selphie's mind.

It was dark. Completely and utterly dark, so he couldn't see anything, visualise anything… there was texture, inky charcoal waffle-velvet, and sound, oh gods, sound; she was humming, softly, one of a million little Selphie nonsense tunes that he often found stuck in his own head. The normally happy song sounded wistful, eerie in the dark of her mind.

~Ether? What is this?~

~Spirit's mind is closed.~

~She's trying to protect herself?~

~Her mind is closed.~

~Can we open it?~

~Yes. You must look for a weakness.~

Irvine felt about in the dark, without the slightest idea what he was looking for. Then it was as if his fingers came across a swathe of fabric; a curtain… he pulled and a chink of light streamed out, pulled again, and the stage of Selphie's mind was suddenly and gruesomely revealed to him.

He heard her scream, once, in her mind, and then the humming got louder. He concentrated on it, trying to distract himself from the sight before him as his stomach threatened to rebel and his own mind recoiled.

Everything about it was wrong. There were pictures, scenes like he'd seen in other minds; memories, thoughts, feelings. But every one, every, single one of them was tainted, corrupted. The blackness oozed obscenely, twisting and writhing through every part of her. He could feel her own revulsion, could see how she was repulsed by it, but she had nowhere to go, it was everywhere. Everywhere.

The pain caught him by surprise; an electric jolt straight to his brain, a searing, white-hot stab of agony straight from her mind to his.

She was repulsed by his presence more, even, than the black, twisting evil that contorted her mind.

~Selphie, it's okay. I'm here to help. Please trust me…~

Her fear fell on him like a mountain, squashing any hope he had, burying him in her despair and hatred.

~Ether~

~The walls. Find the walls, Sniper.~

He'd never found Ether's voice more reassuring, more comforting than at that moment. He tried as best he could to block out her terror and outrage, and forced himself to look.

He found them, eventually. There were many walls, and they formed a maze, with something bright at the centre, sparkling, on a pedestal.

Irvine started to dismantle the ink-black wall as fast as he could, trying to block out the screams. He scrabbled around for the tune she was humming and joined her, singing with her, trying to strengthen whatever little bit of Selphie still remained.

It seemed to take forever, the wall went on and on for so long he wondered briefly if it was rebuilding itself as fast as he took it down. Usually there was help, like Rinoa, or at least passivity, like Squall or even Xu. He knew Selphie was fighting him. For whatever reason, she didn't want this wall to come down. There were some parts that were different, not quite so dark, not quite so solid, and those she protected most fiercely of all.

Finally he reached the centre, aware of the blackness swarming about him, threatening to engulf the pedestal and it's shining prize. There was no more wall. But still she fought.

~What's that?~

~A dream. A wish. A hope.~

~Selphie's?~

~I cannot tell.~

~Is it hurting her?~

~No.~

~Selphie?~

~Get out of my head, you bastard. Traitor. I won't give you anything. I won't.~

~Ether, she's still… is the wall gone? Why isn't she coming round?~

~Spirit has seen that which she did not wish to see.~

Irvine knew this, he realised. He'd known since he first laid eyes on her in her cell. The fear and loathing were exactly like Risha's, only more so, so very, very much more…

~Can we save her? Please Ether, we must save her.~

~Leave me alone. I don't want to be saved. Just fuck off out of my head.~

~Ether, we have to get rid of that… that which we do not wish to see. We must. There has to be a way. You know Bane now. You've fought it. There must be a way.~

~ There will be a price. It will hurt. You will have to restore me. ~

~I know… but there is a way? You can get rid of it?~

~I can reduce it.~

~Get out of my HEAD!~

~Now, Ether. Whatever you have to do, do it. Please!~

Irvine felt a sudden surge of Ether's power, more subtle than he'd expected at first, then growing like a tidal wave to engulf Selphie's mind. Not knowing what else to do, Irvine kept humming, convincing himself she was still humming with him, even though he couldn't hear anything but the roar of his Guardian's power in his ears. Then there was something violent, like the clash of sword to sword, and for a moment everything went blank.

When he came back to himself, her mind was still.

Unnaturally still, nothing like the quicksilver he would expect from Selphie. Not peaceful-still. Shocked. Numb. Silent. Still like death.

~Ether?~

His Guardian's voice was a mere whisper. ~Withdraw, Sniper. Hurt.~

~Leave me.~ Selphie's voice. Cold. Hard.

Irvine slowly withdrew from Selphie's mind, only realising at the last minute that the black terror of Bane's echo was nowhere to be seen.

"Irvine… are you okay?"

Squall's voice. Distant, warm. Caring.

Irvine opened his eyes, feeling Ether fade from junction, unconscious. He looked at Selphie, her face wet with tears. He took the gag from her mouth with trembling fingers, even that simple movement exhausting him.

She didn't scream. She just looked at him, calm hatred in her eyes.

"Irvine." Squall's voice again. "Did it work?"

Irvine slowly turned to look at him. "If you mean did I take down the mind block," he pulled himself wearily to his feet, "then yes. I did. And Bane's echo. It took Ether down, though." Squall's eyes were anxious; but whether at his, Ether's or Selphie's well being, or her ability to answer questions, Irvine wasn't sure at that moment. "I hope you're happy," he added, bitterly.

"I had to give the order," said Squall. "I had no choice."

There was a pause. Irvine was dimly aware of Rinoa and Frila, watching through the glass. He looked into Squall's eyes, and couldn't see any remorse. Just the brittle grey of command.

"Fuck you, Leonhart," he growled.

He got unsteadily to his feet and left the room without looking back.

* * * * * * *

Frila watched Irvine stalk down the corridor, itching to go after him, to hold him, to comfort him, but unable to think of an excuse so to do. She looked anxiously at Rinoa.

"What happened?" she said. "Is it usually like that?"

"No," said Rinoa, quietly. "I don't think so. It looked like… I think he said he lost Ether."

"Lost? As in killed?" gasped Frila, shocked.

"Oh, no, I doubt it," said Rinoa. "More likely just knocked out. Look, there's not much you can do here. Why don't you go back to your room and wait 'til Squall contacts you? I need to go talk to him and…"

"Yeah, of course," said Frila, "no problem."

She gave Rinoa a salute, feeling instantly foolish, and left at what she hoped appeared to be a casual pace. As soon as she turned the corner she broke into a run, catching up with Irvine just as he disappeared into his room.

She heard the lock engaging just as she was about to press the door open button.

"Irvine, it's me, Frila. Let me in?"

"Go away, Hotshot. I need to be alone."

There was a finality to his voice she'd never heard before.

"Irvine?"

Silence.

Fighting back tears, Frila dragged herself back to her own room.

And waited.

* * * * * * *

"Why do you let him get to you so much?"

Quistis stirred her coffee with a shrug of her shoulders that was less nonchalant than she would have liked.

"Oh, he doesn't, really."

"So why exactly are we having lunch here in your office instead of in the cafeteria?"

She gave him a rueful grin. "You saw through that little ploy then, huh?"

He smiled at her. "Yeah," he said. "So, what is it? How has he got you hiding from him less than twenty four hours after setting foot in Garden?"

"I don't know," she said. "He just winds me up, and I don't need that right now. So I figure it's best to let him get on with it. He just makes me so mad at him that I can't be in the same room as him without there being a fight."

"Which is exactly what he wants," Laguna pointed out.

"I guess. He's the same with Squall. Seifer just knows which of his buttons to press… Have you spoken to Squall again since this morning?"

Laguna smiled at the way she'd neatly diverted the topic away from herself. Again.

"Yes," he said. "He reported in just after you asked me to lunch. Selphie's stable, taking curatives now. The mind block's gone, or so they think. But she still won't say anything."

"Oh," said Quistis, quietly. "I thought maybe…"

"Yeah, I think Squall did, too. Odine thinks it might be shock, or possibly that Ether did some kind of damage, or maybe whatever Chet did left some kind of permanent damage. They don't know."

"What does Irvine think?"

"He didn't say."

Quistis raised an eyebrow; Laguna nodded. "I know. There's something wrong there, but I couldn't say what."

"It must be hard, for Irvine," she murmured. "It's hard for all of us, but Irvine…"

"Yeah," said Laguna. "And for you."

"Me?"

"You think you could have done more to help her." He captured her gaze with his, expecting her to wriggle off into denial.

"I ~know I could have," she said. "I was supposed to be in charge of that mission, and I didn't command it at all. We…" she took a deep breath, her eyes flickered down to the teaspoon she was turning over between delicate, tapered fingers. "I broke a lot of rules. It was Zell's birthday and we stayed up drinking to celebrate. We hardly got any sleep. We went into the field well under par. Selphie had been hyper from the moment we got there and I didn't reprimand her, or make any real effort to calm her down. It was Rinoa's first mission, but I didn't give her any other briefing, any advice. I didn't care much about either of them, Laguna, I really didn't. I was completely wrapped up in me, the fact that I was back in the field at last, that Squall had given me a chance, that I was getting away from the paperwork…"

"Everyone makes mistakes, Quistis."

"Squall doesn't. I didn't, at one time. I certainly shouldn't have made that many."

"But even if you'd been perfect, even if you'd all been completely rested and focused, what difference would it have made, really?"

She thought for a moment, watching her coffee grow cold, wrinkled skin forming on top.

"They would have followed orders," she said, quietly, raising her liquid blue eyes. "They would have retreated as soon as they'd been discovered. They wouldn't have gone into the room where… whatever it was happened."

Laguna's eyes widened. "You mean they disobeyed…"

Quistis nodded slowly. "Selphie went right on in, and Rinoa didn't seem to think." She shook her head. "I don't think they even thought of the orders. They were acting on 100 per cent initiative, and I'd been told clearly by Xu that we had to go by the letter of command, retreat at the first sight of anything unusual… I can't help but think, if Squall had been in charge, they wouldn't have dared… they didn't have enough respect for me, Laguna, to take notice of what I'd said, when I warned them. They thought they knew better. And they didn't."

"That's their fault, surely," Laguna gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Not yours. They've worked with you for years, they should…"

"No, they haven't. Not for a long time. Besides, I hadn't earned their respect. Not the way I behaved the night before."

"What did you do?" Laguna couldn't hide his curiosity; then with slight repentance as she blushed, "not that you have to tell me."

"No, it's okay." She pushed her cold coffee to one side, and raised her eyes to his to confess. "I got drunk. So drunk they had to heal me."

Laguna stifled a laugh. "Is that all?"

Quistis frowned. "It's quite enough," she said, sternly.

"You're too hard on yourself," he said, aware that it was becoming a mantra in their conversations. "If I beat myself up every time I'd got drunk when I was in charge of our squad in the army… what harm did you do? Really? They wouldn't have thought worse of you for that, surely?"

"I don't know." She lowered her gaze back to the desk, brushing tiny crumbs into a pile. "I know I told them things… I can't even remember what I did, really. But they thought it was very funny. I heard them laughing at me, after I left…"

"Poor Quistis. That's not kind. But I'm sure you couldn't have…"

"I just wish I wasn't so fucking irresponsible…"

Laguna stared at her in disbelief. "Quistis, you can't believe…"

"Yeah, I know, everyone thinks I'm all organised and sensible and… but… I've cocked up so badly. Like the whole instructor thing… Whenever I get a chance, I just seem to throw it away…"

"Listen to me," he took her hand again, waited until she looked at him. "Everyone makes mistakes. You're only human. You're damn good at your job and Squall thinks the world of you. He's entrusted the whole of Garden to you, including keeping an eye on me. He could have chosen anyone, but he chose you."

"He doesn't know, about me getting drunk. I didn't tell him, and I'm sure Rinoa wouldn't have…"

"It doesn't matter. Surely my son isn't so up his own arse he'd think badly of you for cutting loose once in a while?"

Quistis nibbled anxiously on her lower lip. Yes, actually, he is. He's not as laid back as you, not by a long way. He believes in duty first, above all else, even his own happiness. He expects of us what he expects of himself, and sometimes, just sometimes, it's too damn much to ask.

"He might see it differently," she said, diplomatically. "In the light of what happened."

"Then he need never know," said Laguna. "It'll be our secret. And Selphie and Rinoa's. The point is, I still don't think it would have made a difference, and if it did… well, it's water under the bridge now."

"Well…"

"You know I'm right. Come on. Let's get this lot cleared away and you can try to explain to me why we need to talk to Martine again this afternoon, and how exactly we might do it without killing him."

Quistis laughed. "Thank you," she said. "You're so good to me."

He just smiled.

* * * * * * *

"What did he do to you? If you don't tell us we can't help you."

"Squall, take it easy," Rinoa said, but he didn't seem to take any notice.

"I haven't got time, Selphie, you must tell us. Do you have any idea what he's planning?"

She remained silent, staring at the ceiling, her eyes full of fear and loathing, still. Rinoa watched Squall carefully, uncomfortable with his persistence.

"Squall…" she said, softly.

Squall ignored her, leaning across to put himself between Selphie and her veiw of the ceiling. "Selphie, please…"

"Squall, can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

Squall turned to her, exasperated, his eyes flashing silver. "What, Rinoa? What do you want?"

Her expression hardened. "Outside. Now."

"This had better be important," Squall said, coldly, but he followed her from Selphie's room to the corridor outside.

"You're being too hard on her," Rinoa said, her voice trembling with anger. "Had it occurred to you that she might not be ~able to tell you anything?"

"Of course I have. But I have to try, Rin. Fuck it, I'm not enjoying this, you know. But I need to know as much as I can, and Selphie's the only one who can help." Squall's voice was cold, impatient. "Was that all you had to say?"

"She'll tell you when she's ready," Rinoa said. "You have to give her time. You've been on at her ever since this morning, on and off."

"I have to keep asking," said Squall. "I'm only asking. She has to understand how important it is."

"She's not right, for fuck's sake! Can't you see that?" Rinoa yelled at him. "She's been to hell and back, and you just keep on and on… you're just as bad as…" She stopped herself, trying to keep her fury under some kind of control.

"As bad as what? Come on, Rinoa, spit it out. I have to get back to work."

Something inside her shattered at the arrogance in his voice, something she hadn't heard for a long, long time. "You're torturing her, just like they must have done," she said, slowly. "Selphie would do -has done- anything, everything for you. She's been willing to die for you. If she could tell you anything, she would. Something's stopping her, and it's making her hurt. Look at her, Squall! Just fucking look at her! She's frightened witless! And she's your friend!"

There was a pause, as if Squall wanted to be sure Rinoa had finished.

"For the last time," he said, his voice wrapped in ice, "I. don't. have. a. choice. This is just making it harder."

"You could talk to Irvine. He knows Selphie better than anyone."

"He won't… I can't. He's being obstinate and stupid and…"

"He's more loyal than you deserve. You can't blame him for being pissed off. It cost him so much to help you this morning…"

"I know," said Squall. "I'm grateful. But I have to do what I have to do, and he's not… helping."

"Did it occur to you that he might not be helping because it's not the right thing to do?"

Squall looked through the glass at Selphie, still lying on her back, gazing at the ceiling, silent, frightened, small, fragile.

"It's the only thing I can do," he said. "If we don't find out what's going on, we could all end up like that."

"I beat Chet," Rinoa reminded him. "I could have killed him, if you'd let me follow…"

"I don't mean Chet," hissed Squall, "I mean the Dia. Have you all forgotten what our mission is? It's nothing to do with Chet, or Bane. The world is under threat of fucking war! And it's my duty to stop it. Or to make sure we have the advantage if we have to fight."

Rinoa backed away a step, taken aback for a moment. He was right. She had forgotten. She'd been so wrapped up in Selphie's rescue and what that bastard Chet had done…

"What makes you think Selphie knows anything about the Dia? It was Chet who kidnapped her."

"I don't," said Squall. "But I think she knows about the crystals. And if she does, that could just get us back the time Xu lost us."

"Then wait. Just a few hours. Just til tomorrow. Give her time to heal. Please, Squall."

"I can't, Rin." He looked away, reached for the door handle to go back into Selphie's room.

"For me, Squall. Please, for me."

His hand froze on the cold metal of the door; he didn't look at her.

"Don't," he said. "This is nothing to do with you. Go back to your quarters. This is up to me."

"Squall! You can't… Squall, if I mean anything to you…"

"Just… don't. You didn't want any special treatment. I'm not giving you any. Go back to your quarters, Rinoa. That's an…"

She'd already gone.

* * * * * * *

Frila sat on her bed, pad balanced on her knees, drawing delicate lines on the rich, thick paper. Endless blue and gold; the beach at Balamb. The light flicking over spring waves, the day she found Oceanus. The day she knew she'd remember forever.

Her eyes flickered restlessly to the clock; it was getting late, nearly midnight. She would have to give up on him ever seeking her out soon, and then there was a decision to make. If she went to him, again, he might not turn her away. He must have cooled off by now. He'd invite her in, with his sad, lazy smile, and be nice to her. She could probably talk her way back into his bed.

Again.

Her body responded instantly to the memory of last night, his gentleness, his skill, the warmth of his body. The power of Ether's joy at their passion, the way it consumed her love, deep and warm and nourishing.

She knew he didn't love her back. It hadn't mattered, last night; he'd wanted her, needed her, and that was enough. But now…

She bit her lip to keep the tears away. She'd known all along what she was doing. She'd chosen this path, she had only herself to blame. It wouldn't last forever, she knew, however fast she chased after him. One day he'd say no and mean it. Maybe he already had.

She'd always known that. But…

She hadn't let anyone get to her like this. Not since…

She returned to her drawing, shaking the memories impatiently out of her head.

* * * * * * *

Rinoa dreamed, her body still tense with anger, twitching in her sleep.

She was in Ultimecia's throne, the power of all the world at her command, and Squall knelt at her feet, cowering and naked. Seifer was by her side, her Knight, tormenting Squall's thin, frail form with the very tip of his gunblade, tracing his name in blood across the pale skin of his rival's back.

She laughed.

Squall looked up at her, soft grey eyes brimming with glassy tears, as Seifer stood behind him, pushed him onto all fours, and cast his gunblade aside. There was a clank as Seifer's belt joined Hyperion on the cold stone, the wrench of his zipper as he undid his pants and reached inside.

"No," whispered Squall, "I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to… I had no choice, please don't, I…"

"You killed him," said Rinoa. "You're nothing but a coward. A toy for my Knight." She smiled at Seifer, meeting the brilliant blue of his eyes with hers.

"I'm sorry," whimpered Squall. "I only did what I had to, I didn't want to, I…"

She kept her gaze on Seifer.

"Take him," she said.

Then she was drifting in space, and she knew, beyond certainty, that she was going to die. She was small, and frightened, and weak. She knew this. She hated it. She wanted nothing more than to be brave, to be Squall's equal, not his helpless princess, but she didn't know how…

And now she was going to die, an empty, meaningless death, and he'd never know.

Her father had liked her helpless. He'd missed her mother so much, he'd just wanted her to stay his little girl, forever…

If she'd been different, Squall might have been able to save her. If she hadn't depended on him so totally, if she hadn't been so weak and stupid, if she hadn't let her feelings for him overpower everything else…

She closed her eyes, and prepared herself for the her life to be laid waste.

When she opened them she was at the orphanage, the rebuilt orphanage, or maybe the orphanage in the past. She wandered rooms, empty of people but with all the echoes of habitation; beds neatly made, toys tidied away, books straight on little bookshelves. She heard a sound, a sigh, coming from the boys' room, and she went to investigate.

Her heart melted as she saw Irvine and Squall, curled up in bed, strong arms wrapped protectively around each others' bodies, radiating warmth and happiness. Her boys. Her love and her joy. Together.

She thought about joining them, but something stopped her… she watched them kiss, tenderly, and yearned to be with them, but something was in the way.

It suddenly occurred to her that something was wrong. Squall raised his head, and he had a gunblade in his hand.

Hyperion. Not Lionheart. Hyperion. Why?

She should take the blade away from him. She should…

She screamed as Squall plunged Seifer's blade into Irvine's heart, twisting, howling hatred and revenge. Irvine looked up at him, violet eyes brimming with pain and hurt and betrayal, his blood drenching them both, running from his body to the bed in a river.

The blood took away the pain and the hurt and the life, and Irvine's eyes were still.

Squall looked up at her in confusion, Hyperion clattering to the floor.

"What have I done?" he begged her. "I thought… it wasn't… I… Rinoa, help me!" His eyes were full of horror, and a grief so awful it consumed him.

"It's too late," she said.

And she turned and walked away.

* * * * * * *

Irvine woke with a start, his heart pounding.

A dream. Just a dream. Only a dream.

He was alive. Squall may have pissed him off to hell and back, but he hadn't killed him.

He gulped air into his lungs, dragging himself to sitting.

Gradually, his mind started to clear, although the memory of his nightmare was slow in receding. He was suddenly, sharply aware of how alone he was, and instinctively reached in his mind to junction Ether.

~Sniper?~

Ether's voice was distant and weak. Irvine could feel an ache in it, a deep, wretched need that pulled at his heart.

~Ether? Are you alright?~

~I hurt.~

~I'm sorry, Ether. What do you need?~

~You must restore me.~

Irvine considered his empty bed, the chill of loneliness in his heart. He remembered Frila's laughter, how the sun lit the bright copper of her hair, her soft, willing body.

~Like last night? You want more like that?~

~Child is waiting. Want. Need. Take.~

Irvine felt a shudder run down his spine. Child.

But he wanted her. And not just for Ether.

~Want. Need…~ Ether's voice was getting fainter; Irvine realised the junction was starting to fade; he felt a sudden panic grab hold of him at the thought that he might have left it too late, too sucked into his own misery over Selphie and Squall to take care of his Guardian.

~It's okay. Hang on in there. I'll go.~

Irvine sprang out of bed and pulled on his jeans, pausing only to gulp down the contents of a dark green vial he'd put ready, grimacing at the taste. He felt Ether strengthen, just a little, and the junction felt viable again. Just.

Irvine stuffed a couple more vials in his pockets, and set off to find Frila, hoping he wasn't too late.

* * * * * * *

Squall woke suddenly, with a jolt that sent a swift, searing pain through his neck. He'd fallen asleep slumped against the wall of Selphie's room, he realised, his head slumped painfully to one side, cricking his neck.

He stood up slowly, stretching his aching neck from side to side and digging strong fingers in to the tender muscles around his collarbone. The left over torment from his dreams brought hot tears to his eyes; he rubbed them away with the sleep and tried to focus on the present, wakeful world.

Selphie was still awake, still staring at the ceiling; completely, unnaturally still. The sight of her wrenched at his heart, brought the feelings of guilt, grief and frustration rushing back to him all at once.

He crossed slowly to her bedside, catching sight of the clock at the same time. It was two in the morning. It had been nearly eighteen hours since Irvine had removed the mind block, and still, nothing.

Could they really have lost her? Forever?

Had he really failed?

They'd taken the drip off now, and her bruises were almost all gone. Her body was healing itself rapidly, responding to the familiar infusion of magic and medicine with all the robustness and energy they associated with Selphie herself. Squall felt a sudden urge to call Irvine and Rinoa, to drag them here and show them, look, look, she's okay, see, she's getting better, she'll be alright, she'll be fine, I haven't hurt her. I haven't hurt her.

Have I?

There was the slightest movement, her head tilted just a little, her eyes flickered towards him.

"Selphie?" his voice cracked, hoarse from sleeping and worry.

Her dry lips parted; she ran the tip of her tongue over them, slowly. "Squall?"

"Selphie, are you…"

"You should have left me to die."

Squall just stared at her, his hopes dashed as fast as they'd risen.

"I want to die."

He didn't know what to say. He wished with all his heart that Rinoa was there, or Irvine… Irvine…

"Why didn't you let me die?"

He knew the answer to that, at least. "We need you, Selphie." No, you dickhead, not that. The real reason. "We love you," he said, more softly.

"If you loved me, you'd let me die."

He'd waited for eighteen hours for her to talk to him, and now he didn't know what to say.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"We can't do that, Selphie."

"You don't have to. It'll happen, eventually. You can't keep me here forever. One day I'll be free, and then I can make myself die."

"I can't let you do that." There was steel in his voice, as well as pain.

"Really?"

"I need you. I can't afford to lose you."

"What do you remember, Squall?"

"What?" He blinked in confusion at this sudden change in direction.

"After Ultimecia. After we came back, after the party. What do you remember?"

He frowned at her. "I… all sorts of … what do you mean?"

"We're living a lie. What we remember didn't happen. It was something else that happened, something… None of it means anything."

Her eyelids were flickering closed, as if she were falling asleep. No, not as if. She ~was falling asleep, he realised.

"Selphie, please, I need to…"

Her eyes flashed open again. "No. You don't need to know. You're better off not knowing, believe me. Now leave me alone. Let me die."

"You're not going to die."

"Really?" She sighed, her eyes hooded again. "We'll see."

"You can't decide what I need to know and what I don't," said Squall, steadily. "Not that I don't appreciate what you're trying to do, I know you're trying to protect me, but I don't have a choice. I have to know. Too many people's lives depend on it. Lives have already been lost." He paused for a moment, and when he started again his voice was tight and quiet. "Kiros told me this morning that the Dia have started to come out of the caves. A patrol from Trabia found a pile of bodies on the mountainside this morning, no clue how they died, just piled up and surrounded by a ring of pink crystals. I can't wait, Selphie. I can't let anymore people die while we try to find out what's going on. I need to know what you know, all of it, however much it hurts. I need to know what you know, and I need you back at my side to fight whatever's out there. I know it's a lot to ask." He smiled sadly at her. "I always ask too much, of all of you, I know that. But it's the only way."

She was still, her eyes closed, lips softly parted; if she was awake, she either hadn't heard him or had no answer for him.

"I'm sorry, Selphie," he whispered, brushing her bare arm with the back of one cool hand. "Goodnight."

His mind full of sadness and dreams, he left Selphie and went in search of somewhere he could try to think.

* * * * * * *

Frila wrapped herself blearily in the nearest thing that came to hand, which happened to be a bath towel, warm and soft from the radiator, and went to answer her door.

Irvine stood there, dressed only in snug black jeans, his hair loose and flowing over his golden-skinned shoulders, deep violet eyes tinged with desperation.

"Hotshot, I'm sorry to wake you, I…"

"Come in," she said. "It's okay."

"Thanks," he followed her into the room. "I… Ether…"

"You need me?" She sat on the bed, blinking sleepily.

Irvine held himself still, forcing himself to ignore the urgency of Ether's need for a moment. "You can say no," he said.

She stifled a yawn. "Yes, I know. It's okay."

He fought back a sudden surge of guilt and hesitated. She looked sleepy, and vulnerable, and somehow… young.

Child.

Then she looked up at him, a grin twitching at the corner of her mouth, a wicked sparkle in her eyes, and took his breath away.

"Whatcha waiting for?" she asked. "I'm right here. I've been waiting for you all day. Figured you'd need me, to heal Ether."

It felt like a slap round the face, even if that wasn't how she'd intended it.

"It's not just that," he crossed to the bed, threaded his fingers through the glory of her hair and tilted her head gently, leaning down to kiss her. "It's not just Ether. I missed you. I need you, too." His lips brushed hers; she groaned softly, pulling him down on top of her as he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring her mouth, revelling in her now-familiar flavours, toothpaste and lemon drops. Ether thrummed weakly in his mind; she pulled back, as if in surprise.

"He's that weak?" she asked. She must have felt it, Irvine realised. So soon, she could already feel it…

"Yes," he said. "It was a close call."

"You shouldn't have left it so long," she scolded, working quickly at the fastenings of his jeans.

"Hotshot, I…"

"Shh…" she pushed the black denim roughly down, over his hips and ass. "Ether first. There's time for us later. Ether first."

She leaned back on the bed, and pulled him with her. He sank inside her with a long sigh, and closed his eyes for a moment, lost in tight heat, feeling Ether's hum grow slowly louder in his head.

He knew what his Guardian liked, he knew what would make him strong again, and gods but he liked it too… He kissed her, plunging his tongue into her mouth in time with the rocking of his hips, sinking into the feel of her firm body writhing against him, the tension building and building somewhere deep in his gut…

"Oh gods… Irvine… harder, harder… I'm… I'm… nearly…"

He couldn't resist, and Ether's song filled him as he came with a long, low scream, shuddering inside her as she convulsed around him. He held her tight, kissing her hair, her face, drowning in her scent, the feel of her, the pounding of her heart against his chest.

Ether gradually quietened, taking up its familiar place at the back of his mind, not completely healed, but content. Irvine rested his forehead against Frila's, still gasping for air.

"You should try breathing more deeply, Kinneas," she said, dryly. "I'm told it does wonders…"

"Shut up, girl," he growled playfully. "I can't help it."

She laughed, that deep, throaty chuckle that made him feel warm and happy.

He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him, still joined. She sat up, shaking her hair down her back, her breasts bouncing delightfully in response. He reached up to tweak one rosy nipple between his finger and thumb, taking satisfaction in the way she gasped, her eyes sparking with lust straight away.

"Your turn," he said. "Ether's fine. Do what you want with me."

"Ooh, there's an offer." She brushed a stray auburn strand from his flushed cheek, trailed her finger tip along the line of his jaw. "I like the way you feel inside me," she said. "It reminds me of the first time, back in Balamb. You were so kind…"

He arched an eyebrow. "Kind? Not reckless, selfish and irresponsible, then?"

"Don't be silly. You were lovely." She leaned over and kissed him, seriously enough to set his pulse racing.

"So were you. You still are. That's the problem."

"Why's it a problem?" she started to circle her hips, sitting up again and looking down at him through eyes that fluttered closed for a second when he twitched his cock inside her.

"I forget," he teased, and twitched again, this time getting a little gasp as reward. "Oh yeah, I remember. I want you all the time, that's the problem. I can't leave you alone."

You didn't want me this morning, when you were hurting, she thought, but she didn't say anything. He felt so good, so hard and strong inside her, so beautiful lying there underneath her, those soft violet eyes teasing her, rust-gold hair fanned out over the white sheets…

"Mmmm…" she murmured, "in that case I'll keep you here forever and…" she started to rock her hips, sliding ever so slightly up and down on him, all slickness and hardness and …

The door chime went; it took her a moment to realise what it was.

"Just a minute," she yelled eventually, but it was too late. She'd not thought to lock the door when Irvine came in, and it was open before she had a chance to drag herself from him.

"Sorry to disturb you, I saw your light on and I'm looking for Irv… oh!" Rinoa froze in the doorway. "Fuck."

"Your timing sucks, Rin," murmured Irvine, giving a little yelp as Frila leapt off him and reached for her towel.

Rinoa turned her back, covering her eyes with her hands for good measure. "Sorry," she stammered, "fuck, I'm sorry, I…"

"It's okay," said Frila. "It was Ether. Irvine needed… well, you know how it works."

Irvine could sense Rinoa's shock, just from watching the back of her head. "Are you okay, Rin?" he asked, as Frila passed him his jeans. "Is Selphie alright?"

"Yes, she's fine, I just, I think… yes.. I… what do you mean, Ether?"

"I'll explain that another time, Rin," he shimmied off the bed and into his jeans. "What d'you need me for?"

"Squall hasn't come to bed," she said, her voice halting, uncertain. "And I had this dream…"

"Nightmare?" He put a comforting arm around her shoulders. "You want to talk about it?"

"No… well, yes, but not… it was…"

"Come and sit down," he said sympathetically. "Tell me about it."

"No, not here," she hissed. "It's not.. I think it might be important and… this is just too weird."

"Go on," said Frila, quietly. "I could use some sleep anyway."

Irvine turned to her, searching her expression for any sign of hurt, but he couldn't see any. "Okay," he said. He let go of Rinoa and crossed back to the bed, kissed her gently on her forehead, stroking his fingers through her tangled hair. "You want me to come back, later?" he whispered.

She nodded, with a tiny smile. "Please," she whispered back. "If you want. I mean, if Ether…"

"For you," he mouthed, silently, and felt warmth rush through him as her smile broadened.

"Okay, Rin," he said aloud, striding to the door. "After you."

"Thanks," she said, following.

Frila watched the door close behind them, and pulled the blankets around her rapidly cooling body.

* * * * * * *

"I've been having these dreams for a while," Rinoa explained, watching as Irvine pulled a T-shirt over his head and down over his tautly-muscled chest. "Nice dreams, mostly. A little… well, naughty."

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "Naughty?"

"Hmmm. I guess it was with me and Squall getting together and…well. But tonight, it was awful. I was Ultimecia, I think, and … well, Seifer was there and.. but the worst part was the end, I was watching and we were in the orphanage, and Squall was there, and you, and Squall killed you."

He froze, his hands holding his hair back, hair band half way around his thick ponytail. "What?"

"He stabbed you to death with Seifer's gunblade." She shuddered. "There was so much blood, and he didn't realise it was you, I don't think, he thought… I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything… I know it was just a dream, but…"

"No," the colour had drained from Irvine's face. "I'm not sure it was."

"What?" she looked at him sharply. "What do you mean?"

"I had the same dream," he said. "Not the first part, but the being killed by Squall part… that's when I woke up, and Ether was so weak, and…"

"It could be a coincidence," Rinoa said, unconvincingly. "We've both been mad at Squall today and…"

"The last time we all dreamed the same thing, they were memories," said Irvine. "When Ellone was sending us back into Laguna's life… this is no co-incidence, Rin. It has to mean something."

"We need to find Squall," she said. "I don't like this at all."

"Okay. Have you tried Selphie's room?"

She nodded. "The nurse said he left about an hour ago. Didn't know where he'd gone, though."

"That's okay," said Irvine. "I've an idea where he'll be."

"Where?"

"Well, knowing Squall, if he's not asleep, he'll be at work. The conference room. Come on."

Sure enough, they found Squall in the room where they'd met with Kiros that morning. He sat on the huge glossy table, bootheels resting against the back of the chair in front of him, rocking it steadily back and forth. He raised his head as the door opened, surprise in his cloudy grey eyes.

It was only then that Irvine remembered he was still mad at Squall.

"Squall, we're worried about something," said Rinoa, steadily. "We both had the same dream, and we think it might mean something."

"Dream?" Squall frowned, crinkling the faded scar between his brows.

"You killed Irvine," said Rinoa. "Exactly the same, for both of us; you stabbed him, in the old orphanage…"

"With Hyperion," Squall breathed.

"You too?" for some reason Irvine wasn't surprised. Squall nodded.

"I thought you were Seifer, and then…" his voice tailed off, and he swallowed, hard. "It's all my fault," he murmured, staring straight ahead. "It's my fault."

"What, baby? What's your fault?" Rinoa crossed to Squall, hitching herself up beside him on the table, but not, quite, touching him. Irvine kept his distance, watching. For now.

"Ether told me we need to be strong, the three of us. Like rope. That we need each other and… this happened before. When I remembered…" his eyes met Irvine's, understanding passed between them. "… when I was mad at him. And with you, Rin…"

"The same dream," said Rinoa. "I remember now."

"It's a warning," said Squall. "I should have kept you close to me, and I didn't. I pushed you both away."

"It's not all your fault," said Rinoa. "I shouldn't have nagged you, I should have…"

"No," said Squall, sadly. "You were right, you both were. I should have left Selphie alone. I should have waited, even if... It's all been a waste of time, a waste of… it won't work. All I've done is hurt the people I love the most. Again."

Irvine looked helplessly at his friend, all the anger draining away. Rinoa held Squall's hand in her own and squeezed it hard.

None of them heard the door open.

"We'll find a way," said Irvine. "There has to be some other way we can find out what we need to know. We can go back underground..."

"It's alright," came a shadow of a familiar voice. "You don't have to."

Irvine's heart jumped to his throat as he saw Selphie standing there, pale, sad, but Selphie.

"I'm sorry, Squall," she whispered. "You're right. It's not up to us." She smiled, a thin, tragic echo of Selphie's usual happy expression. She pulled a chair back from the table, and sat down slowly, as if she was unused to moving of her own accord. She folded her hands in her lap, and looked at Squall with big green eyes still laced with fear.

"I'll do what I can," she said. "Just tell me what you need to know."

Squall gazed at her, his eyes wide with surprise and sudden hope. "Everything," he husked, hungrily. "Tell me everything. Please."

Selphie nodded, and dropped her eyes to the table top, concentrating hard.

"In the beginning," she said, softly, "there was a Guardian called Bane…"

* * * * * * *

To be continued…