Original characters, world and backstory belong to Squaresoft, lucky folks.
This is a bit mangled in places to conform with fan fiction net's censorship policy. The full NC-17 version with all the smut the author intended is on my website, www.scribblemoose.co.uk ^_^
Please tell me what you think of it, here or by e-mail (fanfic@scribblemoose.co.uk)
************************************************************
Chapter 28 - Memories
The memories were fading now, and at last Selphie started to understand. They weren't disappearing completely, like before, just settling into their normal texture and intensity as befitted the passage of time. Becoming normal. Becoming hers.
She knew what they were, and she knew Squall needed to know. So she'd put aside her deep desire to die, and sought him out, responding to the sense of duty that had kept him by her side all day, triggering the loyalty that had kept her fighting for him to hell and back, through pain and magic so dark it had engulfed her.
He needed to know, so she would tell him. However much it hurt.
But as soon as she'd started to speak, the tears she'd been unable to shed came like a waterfall. The pain and fear dissolved into salt water that ran down her face, forcing sobs of surprise and relief, more than misery. She started to imagine, for the first time since Chet left her mind, that things might be alright, after all.
Irvine flew to her side with a low cry, scooping her up in his arms and holding her close. He felt her flinch, and something clicked in his mind.
Bane. Ether. Incompatible.
He quickly let his junction with Ether go, dropping to his knees with the sudden loss of energy and taking Selphie with him as she fell, willingly now, into his arms.
He junctioned Siren, breathing hard as the power flowed slowly back through his body. Not as strong as Ether had become at his peak over the past few days, Irvine realised. But steady, calming. Enough.
He held Selphie in his arms.
At last.
Then Squall's hand was squeezing his shoulder. "Come on, man," his friend's voice was low and steady. "Let's take this somewhere more comfortable. This place feels like a fucking interrogation room."
Irvine nodded with a half smile. "Okay, Elf?" he whispered through soft hair that smelt of cinnamon and strawberries, tinged with hospital-antiseptic.
She murmured agreement, her body shaking less now, just the occasional shudder against his chest.
Squall led them to his quarters, and they settled into the low couches in the main living area, Selphie snuggled on Irvine's lap. Rinoa produced hot chocolate from somewhere, and a blanket to wrap around Selphie's shoulders.
"It must have been awful," said Rinoa, settling next to Squall, opposite Selphie and Irvine, placing her mug on the low table between them. "I'm so sorry I left you there. I couldn't find you…"
"It's okay," croaked Selphie, her voice hoarse from crying. "You did everything you could. You all did… I'm so pleased you came back for me. I thought.. it was all over there, for a bit."
"You said you wanted it to be," Squall reminded her, softly.
"Yes. I think I really did," said Selphie, nestling into Irvine's chest as he hugged her and kissed the top of her head.
"You don't have to talk about it," he whispered. "If you don't want to."
"No, I do," she said. "Squall's right, you do need to know."
"Take your time, then," Irvine soothed. "We love you, babe. We want to make it better." He brushed the hair back from her tearstained face, thinking how different it looked without its usual perky flip. It made her look older somehow; it revealed a serious Selphie that was usually well-hidden behind bounce and sunshine.
"I missed you," she whispered, her vivid green eyes shining up at his warm violet. "Even though…" she tailed off, lowering her gaze to the mug she cradled in small hands, warmth seeping into her fingers and stilling the trembling.
There was a long pause.
"I don't know where to start," she said, eventually.
"What about the crystals?" suggested Squall. "Or Bane. Anything at all would help."
"Oh. Yes. The crystals… they're a source of power, I think, kind of a conduit. He used one to open up my mind, as part of a ritual." Her hand unconsciously strayed to the deep red mark the crystal had burnt into her flesh. "They sing… the singing makes your mind clear, and then you … remember."
Something passed through Squall's mind like a ghost. That sounded… familiar. "Remember what?" he asked, frowning, suddenly feeling he could answer his own question, if only he could grasp a fleeting thought…
"That's where it gets complicated," said Selphie, pausing to sip at her drink. "I thought at first he wanted to get in my head just to feed Bane, but that wasn't it. Bane just needed the anger, the fear, and there was plenty of that… Chet wanted to know stuff. He was looking for my past, and especially for Irvy," her eyes lingered on Irvine for a moment, full of remorse as she remembered how Chet had feasted on those precious memories. "And Xu," she added quietly. "Irvy, there's something I have to tell you about Xu.. I…"
"It's okay," he continued to stroke her hair, gave her a slow little smile. "Rinoa told me about the two of you. It's okay."
Confusion haunted Selphie's face for a moment until she realised what he meant. She put a hand up to his face, caressed his cheek with soft fingers. "Thank you," she said, relief plain on her open face. "Oh, thank gods, I've worried for the longest time…"
"Silly Elf," he murmured, kissing her forehead tenderly, tucking her head under his chin to make sure he couldn't see the threat of tears in his eyes. "I told you I was cool."
Rinoa watched them with a lump in her throat.
"Why was Chet more interested in some memories than others?" she asked, eventually. "I can see he'd be interested in Irvine because of Ether, but Xu…"
"Yes!" Squall's eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't thought of that, but it made perfect sense, that of course Chet would want to size up Bane's opposition. "And he worked with Xu, at Garden, he knows she has power. Maybe he wanted to find out what she'd been up to while he was away. See if she'd told us anything…"
"I think it was more that he wanted to break me," said Selphie. "He knew she was the thing that kept me going, resisting him. I think it was an experiment. He knew she was what I was keeping myself alive for, when most people would have given up and…"
"Just Xu?" Irvine blurted out, unable to stop himself. "What about me? Us? I mean, all of us? We have a bond, from the Orphanage, Ultimecia, we're like family. Surely that…" he bit his tongue, hoping he hadn't said too much.
"He'd already dealt with that," said Selphie sorrowfully, in a small, fragile voice. "That came earlier, with the memories."
"You asked me, before," said Squall, "what I remembered. You said we were living a lie."
"Yes. It's kind of hard to explain, and it freaked me out, at first… but... I think at some point our memories were altered. Or something. Some time after Ultimecia."
"We write everything down, Selph," said Rinoa. "It's all there, and anyway, what could change everyone's memories? If there's any discrepancy we notice for each other. That's how it works, that's what the journals are for."
"They're wrong," said Selphie.
"What?"
"I don't know how, but the journals are wrong. Something happened. Something bad, and horrid, and we all forgot."
Squall swallowed hard, and exchanged a long look with Rinoa. The thought that they forgot more than most people, that history could rewrite itself without them knowing, was something they faced all the time. Ever since that day in Trabia Garden when they'd realised that Guardians used their memories up like a battery.
It didn't make it any easier to deal with.
"What do you think happened, Elf?" said Irvine, gently. "What was so terrible?"
There was a long pause. Selphie looked around at the anxious faces of her friends, and took a deep breath.
"It was… Irvy and I were together." She looked up at him, softly stroked his face. "It wasn't long after that time in Esthar, sweetheart," she whispered, holding the memory with him for a moment before she turned back to the others. "Squall and Rin, you guys were together too, since the celebration party after Ultimecia, and you weren't training, Rin, you'd decided you didn't care about being a SeeD, you wanted to give up the fighting, just as soon as the lunar cry was cleared up. The three of you had been to the Island Closest to Hell on a monster bashing mission, while I'd been away in Trabia for a few days, and I was to meet up with you back at Garden."
She took a pause before continuing.
"You betrayed me," she said, eventually. "All of you."
"What?" Irvine's disbelief was plain in his voice. "How could we…"
"You slept with Rinoa," Selphie blurted, the words tumbling out in a rush, "and Squall. The three of you… I found Irvy and Rin in bed together, I didn't find out 'til later but Squall was there too… I ran away, and Rin came after me, and I hit her, and hit her, and she wouldn't hit me back…" Selphie turned her eyes to Rinoa, "I nearly killed you."
"Selphie," gasped Rinoa, "I would never, never hurt you like that, and you wouldn't…"
"But you did," protested Selphie, "and I did, nearly kill you, I really did. If Quistis hadn't come and separated us, dragged me off…"
"Elf…"
"That's funny, you didn't call me Elf, then, you called me Seffie. Like you did when we were kids. It sounds right, doesn't it? Seffie…"
Irvine shrugged noncommittally. But she was right, it did.
"I really loved you," she said. "I loved you so, so much, Irvy. And it hurt… I remember Quistis carried Rinoa to the training centre, because the Doc was there, treating some accident, a cadet of Zell's I think…. I wouldn't tell Quisty why I was so mad, I couldn't bring myself to, and Rinoa was half dead… I remember Zell's face, when he saw her…
"I didn't see much of anyone for a while after that day. Rinoa was in the Infirmary for a long time, well, long for a Sorceress. A few days, at least. Squall, you broke up with her and hid yourself away. I broke up with Irvy, Quistis was cold and distant, Zell spent a lot of time with Rin, I think… I drank most nights, killed monsters every day. And then one night," a trace of a smile graced her lips for the first time since she'd started her story, "one night Xu found me, and we got together, and it didn't hurt so much... And after that… things sort of merge again."
"That's ridiculous," sputtered Irvine. "It can't have happened. It's just something Chet planted in your mind, Sweetheart. It's got to be. To make you want to give up. I wouldn't… we wouldn't… it wouldn't happen, Babe. Ever."
"I remember coming back from the Island Closest to Hell," said Squall. "Nothing bad happened. We went back to Garden, and stayed up in my room playing cards. You and Irvine kept bitching at each other, and Rinoa and I certainly weren't together."
"That's right," said Irvine. "We were bitching because it was just after we split up, after that afternoon… and you left me because you just wanted to be friends, babe, not for any other reason. You said… you promised… I wouldn't forget that."
"I know," Selphie squeezed his hand, "but that's not real, Irvy. At least... at first I didn't know which was real, but after a while…"
"After Chet started to play with your head, you mean." Squall stood up abruptly and started to pace, running tense fingers through his dark bangs. "It can't have…"
"I would never do that to you, Selphie," said Rinoa. "Never. I don't think of Irvine like that at all, I love Squall too much to…"
They all looked at her as she came to a stop, remembering.
The Quad. The afternoon of Rinoa's last exams, less than two weeks ago, but feeling like a lifetime away.
"Oh," said Rinoa, a flush rising up to her cheekbones. "Well, yes, but... that was different, it was must a moment of weakness, one of those things, it didn't mean…" and I haven't been dreaming about them like that because anything happened, it's just dreams… I'd never really…
Selphie grinned a humourless grin. "That's what you said in Squall's room back in Balamb, too. When I found you together."
"But it was different," protested Rinoa. "We were single. It was only a kiss. I would never have done anything if you guys had been together, or if I was with Squall…. And that's another thing, even if… Squall and Irvine would never…" She gulped. That same afternoon. Irvine and Squall. They'd… "that was different, too."
"What was?" frowned Selphie.
Squall paused in his pacing, the muscles of his back tensing visibly under his thin T-shirt.
"Nuthin', sweetheart," said Irvine smoothly. "She means we wouldn't have risked hurting you, babe."
"But you did," said Selphie. "I know you did…"
Squall suddenly rushed through to the bedroom; Rinoa started after him but he was back before she could catch up. "This'll prove it!" he said. "Look, Selphie, it's all here." He held his diary in his hand, not the official Balamb version but his own. "It was after Ultimecia, about a month or two, right?" He started to thumb through pages. "Here!" he exclaimed, triumphantly. "Cards! It says we were playing cards. And you called Irvine a slut, and Rinoa stomped off to bed and I…" he tailed off, his eyes scanning swiftly over the page.
"You what?" asked Rinoa, half curious as to what he'd done after she'd stomped off.
"Oh, nothing," he said. "It's not worth bothering about."
"What do you mean? Of course it…"
"Squall," said Irvine, sharply. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," said Squall, tossing the book negligently on to the table. "There's just no point. There's nothing there."
"I know," said Irvine. "I would have remembered, I read it too, remember?" He noticed surprise on Rinoa's face, and felt incomprehensibly smug for a moment, to think he knew something about Squall that she didn't. It made the gift Squall had granted to him of sharing his diary somehow all the more precious. "But there was something there, wasn't there? Squall, come on, this is important. Something happened, I could feel it."
Squall was silent, his eyes closed, massaging his old scar with his forefinger.
"Squall?"
He gestured at the book lying on the table.
~Dispel.~
"Squall?"
He reached for his diary with a trembling hand; they waited with bated breath as he read, Rinoa craning over his shoulder.
Irvine knew for sure, then. He watched the colour drain from Rinoa's face, and saw how Squall's eyes fluttered closed. Then he knew Selphie was right.
Squall closed his diary with a loud snap.
"No," Irvine breathed, wanting more than anything for this not to be happening. To think he might have had his Seffie, and thrown it away, that he could have hurt her so badly, was almost more than he could bear.
"I'm sorry," said Selphie. "I didn't want to be right... I kept hoping maybe you could prove me wrong, and we could pretend it hadn't happened…"
"I still don't remember," said Squall. "I read it, but I don't remember. Usually you forget and you read and it comes back… it hasn't come back. I can't remember…" there was panic in his voice, undisguised now.
"Someone's tampered with… with everything," said Rinoa. "It can't just be us. If we really got together after Ultimecia… the whole of Garden would have known…"
"Not that many," said Selphie. "You wanted to keep it quiet, because of Squall's position. There were still people out there who didn't approve of Sorceresses then, if you remember. Still are, come to that."
"But I don't give a fuck," said Rinoa, "and neither does Squall!"
"You did then," said Selphie. "You were different, Rin. You relied on Squall for everything."
Rinoa thought hard, fighting down her own panic and fear. But she could see the truth in what Selphie was telling her, in a way. If she hadn't spent the last two years alone, coming to terms with her power and training with Zell, doing all the growing up her father would never let her do… if she had got together with Squall back then, when she was still just a stupid teenage girl…
"We have to make sure, before we tell anyone about this," said Squall. "It's too big. Rinoa's right, the power it would take to alter things, even if it's just twenty or thirty people… that's huge. And if it's been done once, it can be done again. I want you to cast dispel on everything you rely on for information, every time you use it."
"How can we make sure?" said Rinoa. "Anything could have been changed. Even your diary… it could still have been an hallucination or…"
"We'll go to see Sis," said Squall. "First thing tomorrow. Get her to send us back. Not you, Selphie," he added, noticing the way she blanched at the idea. "You've been through enough. Ellone can only send a maximum of three of us back, anyway. So we'll go."
There was a pause, each of them trying to grapple with a whole world of new possibilities. Eventually Selphie broke the silence.
"How is Xu?" she said. "Is she okay? I'd like to call her tomorrow, if I can."
"Of course," said Squall. "But…"
"Shit!" Rinoa knocked her mug over with a clatter. "Fuck, get me a cloth, would you Squall?"
He looked at her, a little startled.
"Go on! A towel? Washcloth? Anything! Before it sinks into the carpet!"
He scrambled to his feet and headed to the bathroom.
Nicely done, Rin, thought Irvine.
"You ought to get some rest, Selphie," said Rinoa, dabbing at the tiny amount of spilt chocolate with a tissue. "Have they assigned you quarters?"
She shook her head. "I ought to go back to the medlab," she said, with a yawn. "But I really don't like it there…"
"Have mine," said Irvine, quickly. "I'll be okay on Frila's floor. Then you can sleep in as late as you like, while we go and get briefed and talk to Odine and get ready to leave."
Selphie frowned. "Who's Frila?"
"She's a cadet," said Rinoa. "She's the one who saved you, remember?"
"Oh, yeah," Selphie smiled. "I must thank her. I'd forgotten…" she yawned again, struggling now to keep her eyes open.
"Come on Selph," said Irvine, as Squall returned with a cloth, looking a little perplexed. "Let's try and get some sleep before the sun comes up, eh?"
She slid off his lap with yet another yawn, holding her hand out to pull Irvine up too. They said their goodbyes as Rinoa scrubbed at the non-existent stain on the carpet and Squall looked on, confused. Irvine led Selphie to his quarters and tucked her up in bed, leaving her with one of his T-shirts to change into, although she was almost asleep as soon as he laid her on the bed.
He quietly left the room, the door hissing shut behind him, and nearly jumped out of his skin to see Rinoa waiting for him across the corridor. Her dark hair spilled over one shoulder, and the soft pink light of the corridor cast shadows over her face, rendering her expression inscrutable.
"Rin? What's up? You frightened the life out of me!"
"Good," said Rinoa, a rare edge of steel to her voice.
"What? Come on, Rin, it's been a fuck of a day. What's wrong?"
"Was it really for Ether?"
"What?"
"Don't be dense, Irvine, you know what I'm talking about. When I found you earlier, you were with Frila, remember? And I mean WITH Frila."
"Oh." He'd actually forgotten that, with everything that had happened since. "We're not involved," he said.
"Does she believe that?"
"Rin, it's really not a good time…"
"She's only fifteen, Kinneas. What are you playing at?"
He winced. Rinoa never used his surname. Never. And she was right, he knew she was right.
"You're going to go back and pick up where you left off, aren't you?" said Rinoa. "Even after all this. You're going to go back and hump little Miss Gunblade until the sun comes up."
"I need to have Ether at full capacity," said Irvine, but the words sounded hollow even as he spoke them, especially in the face of Rinoa's stern gaze. "I like Frila," he said. "I really do. We understand each other. She's been really good to me, and I've been honest with her, about Ether and about how I feel. I need her, Rin. Please try to understand. I need her."
"Even now Selphie's back? Now things might be… different?"
Irvine's voice came low and quiet. "I don't know," he admitted. "But I promised her I'd be back tonight, and I will be. I owe her that much."
Rinoa gave a deep sigh. "Alright then," she said. "I won't tell Squall. You realise if he found out he'd have to fire both of you?"
Irvine nodded. "Thanks, Rin," he said.
"Just be more careful about locking the door," she said, turning to go back to Squall's rooms. But just as Irvine was about to continue on to Frila's, Rinoa paused.
"Irvine…"
"Yes, Rin?"
"Do you really think it happened?" She didn't turn back, staring resolutely down the corridor ahead of her.
"I don't know," said Irvine. "To be honest it's too much to take in, you know?"
"Have you had the other dreams, too? The ones with… have you dreamt it?"
There was a pause.
"Yes," said Irvine, eventually. "But I don't think that necessarily means… I don't know what it means. I guess we'll find out tomorrow, huh?"
Her head dropped. "Yes," she whispered. "Goodnight, Irvine."
"Good night, sweetheart."
She walked slowly the twenty or so paces to her quarters. Irvine heard Squall's voice as she entered, warm, welcoming.
He pressed the button by Frila's door, and it hummed open.
"Hey, Hotshot?" he whispered. "You asleep?"
"Yes," came her voice. "You'd better come here and wake me up, I guess."
Irvine stepped into the room, locking the door firmly behind him.
* * * * * * *
"Here, drink this. And I got you a donut."
Quistis took the mug of steaming coffee from Laguna with a grateful smile, before regarding the accompanying confection with a certain degree of curious amusement. "Donut?" she said.
"Yeah, you know. Very high fat and sugar content, no discernible vitamins, perfect late night low blood sugar food. Or in this case, early morning low blood sugar food."
"And?" She looked up at him with a twinkly smile.
"You eat it," explained Laguna, as if to a visitor from another planet. "It's good. It has icing. And sprinkles."
"It'll go straight to my thighs," she said.
"Good," said Laguna, shoving the donut box into her spare hand. "Your skinny ass needs some flesh on it."
Quistis squealed with mock outrage, attracting the attention of several of the SeeD officers who were grouped around the computer screens next to her.
Then she took a large bite out of the donut, and rapture spread across her face. "God, it's been so long," she murmured, flicking her tongue out to catch stray smudges of jam and sugar from her lips. "Thanks, Mr President."
"You're welcome, loyal citizen," he said. "How's it going?"
"Zell should be back any minute," she said, her voice a little indistinct through the mouthful of donut. "Only three injured, but it's more luck than judgement, from what he said. Back up got there just in time to cover a retreat. The Dia are coming further and further inland, at least at night. First light of dawn and they run… well, ooze, really, back to the caves."
"What kind of attacks are they using?"
Quistis shook her head. "I don't know yet. We'll have to wait for Zell's report." She took another nibble on her donut. "Gods, this is good."
Laguna grinned. "See? Being nice to yourself doesn't hurt so bad, does it?"
She grinned back.
"Hi, I'm home!" Zell burst into the room like a hyperactive acrobat, actually performing a cartwheel to get from the door of the ops room to the workstation where Quistis stood, licking donut remains from her fingers.
Laguna looked a little startled, but Quistis and the other SeeDs barely looked up.
"Hey," said Quistis. "Everyone okay?"
Zell nodded, breathing hard. Laguna wondered whether perhaps he'd come all the way back from Balamb Cove via a series of flickflacks and tumbles. "Just the three injured, like I said. One broken leg, looks like, and two unconscious, no discernible external injuries. We managed to beat the Dians off with a fire and thunder magic, they didn't like that much. But there were a lot of them, and the patrol team said they suspected some kind of mind attack. Music, one of them said. Kind of… disorientating."
"That could explain the unconsciousness," said Quistis. "If they're using some kind of neural suppressor. Any sign of a transmission device?"
"Nope. They didn't seem to go in for equipment. Just tentacles, mostly. Very slimy."
"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," said Quistis. "Fire and thunder magic is plentiful. Make sure we step up that aspect of training, okay?"
"There must have been something else, in Trabia," said Zell. "We didn't do anything they couldn't have. I don't understand how they lost so many."
"No," Quistis agreed. "Me neither."
"I'll call Kiros in the morning," said Laguna. "See if he can take a side trip to go take a look."
"Thanks," said Quistis. "At the moment we need all the information we can get. I don't want any more nasty surprises."
"No," said Zell, with feeling. "Speaking of which, has anyone seen Almasy since yesterday lunchtime?"
"He should have been training," said Quistis. "Wasn't he in your junction class?"
"Nope. Never turned up. Went to gunblade training with Xian in the morning and showed off in front of the other cadets, all of whom are, you'll remember, very young and impressionable… and then vanished. He sent me a note to suggest that if there was anything I needed by way of a demonstration on junctioning, to let him know."
"Well, I'm surprised his enthusiasm for training didn't last more than half a day," said Quistis, "but I can't say I'm sorry. I am so looking forward to kicking that asshole out of here."
"Is that altogether wise?" said Laguna quietly, looking innocently out of the window.
"Oh yes," said Quistis, with absolute certainty. "If there's one thing Squall doesn't need, it's Seifer Almasy striding round Garden like he owns the place."
"But he might need an extra gunblade on the battlefield, Quisty. Cid doesn't act on a whim. If he wasn't going to be any help, he wouldn't have sent him. Not now."
Quistis breathed an exasperated sigh.
"Well, at least we can put him on report" said Zell, cracking his knuckles. "Not to mention giving him a good bollocking. You want in on that too, Quisty?"
"I'm already looking forward to it," said Quistis, grimly.
Laguna nodded his assent.
"I have to tell Squall he's back, too," added Quistis. "Unless you've….?"
"No," said Laguna. "I couldn't tell him over the phone, somehow."
"Maybe it's for the best," said Zell. "He's probably got enough to worry about right now."
"Hmm," said Quistis. "I wonder how Selphie is?"
Zell put a hand on her shoulder.
"She'll be fine, Quisty. They'll bring her home. It would take something a lot bigger than a rogue instructor and an evil Guardian to split up the six of us."
She followed Laguna's gaze to the window. The sun was inching its way towards the horizon, pushing a swathe of orange ahead of it into the silver grey sky.
"Yes," she whispered. "It would."
* * * * * * *
Rinoa peeked round the bathroom door.
"Hey, Commander, you need your back scrubbed in there?"
"What?" Squall's voice came through the hiss of the spray.
"You want some help?"
"No thanks, I'm…. oh." The glass shower screen was pulled back a little, and Squall's dark head emerged, wet hair plastered to his skull, droplets dripping into his eyes. "What kind of help?"
Rinoa was already in the room, stepping out of her robe to stand naked before him. "Whatever you need, Commander," she said.
He shot out an arm to grab her hand and pull her into the shower with him. She gave a delighted squeal, pressing her warm body against his slick skin. "Why, Commander, I…"
"Shut up, Heartilly." He grinned lopsidedly at her. "And do as you're told."
She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling. "Whatever you say," she breathed.
He covered her mouth with his, turning her neatly so they were both under the spray. His hands roved her shoulder blades, the dip of her spine and the curve of her ass. She moaned softly, winding her arms around his neck, kissing him back with soft lips and agile tongue.
"Against the wall," he said.
"Oh yes," she husked, as he pushed her none-too-gently against the tile, catching her thighs in strong hands and lifting her easily.
"You drive me wild," he murmured, kissing a wet line from her shoulder up her neck, around her throat and down between her breasts, stopping to suck one bullet-hard nipple between his lips, flicking the end with his tongue. "You make me want you so damn much…"
She snarled at him, wrapping her legs around his waist. "I'm yours," she gasped, the sensation of his mouth on her nipple spreading straight from her breast to her belly to the ache between her legs like lit gunpowder. "All yours…"
"You ready?" he whispered. "I don't think I can wait."
She felt light-headed; her body had gone from mildly aroused to desperate in the time it had taken for her to get from the bathroom door to being braced against the slick tile, and it left her mindless.
"Fuck me," she said, at a loss for anything else to say.
He growled deep in his throat, his teeth bared, eyes glinting silver-blue through the shower mist.
* * * * * * *
She cried out and clutched wildly at him as her body convulsed; her forehead fell onto his neck. The torrents of water falling on her skull from the shower were almost as deafening as the pumping of her own pulse in her ears.
Then her body was slammed against the wall as emptied himself into her with a roar, his chest heaving against hers. She gasped for air, her own heartbeat still thumping distinctly through her body with enough force that she knew he'd be able to feel it.
She raised her head, squinting against the fine spray that flew at her eyes, and looked at him. The wildness in his eyes subsided, returning them to a clear blue-grey, tinged suddenly with concern and worry.
"Are you okay?" he whispered. "Oh, gods, Rin," he brushed her drenched hair back from her face and kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her mouth, her jaw. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," she croaked, "fine. That was… oh fuck, that was…"
"Was I too rough?" He pulled her away from the wall, holding her close to him, still kissing every last inch of skin he could reach. "I just wanted you so much…"
"You were… awesome," said Rinoa, a grin starting to spread across her face as the shock of their sudden coupling faded. "Gods, I love you."
He nuzzled into her neck. "You have to remember this," he said. "Whatever happens today, remember this, this is what important, what we have now, that I love you and…"
She hugged him tight. "It's okay," she breathed into his ear. "I'll never forget. I promise."
Neither of them was willing to admit how futile such a promise might be.
* * * * * * *
Irvine cradled Frila in his arms, stroking the bare flesh of her shoulder with his thumb. His nose twitched slightly where her hair tickled it, but he couldn't be bothered to move it away. He felt languid and content, and he knew those feelings were bound to be fleeting. He wanted to enjoy every second of them while he could.
"You're amazing," she murmured sleepily, nuzzling into his chest. "How'd you learn to do that?"
"Practice," he said, his wide mouth forming an easy grin. "Lots of practice."
She giggled. "I think I like morning sex best," she said. "I can't think of a better way of waking up."
"Wait until we've had a chance to fuck all day," he said. "Otherwise it's not a fair test, is it?"
She let that sink in for a moment.
It sounded like the promise, or at least the possibility, of a future. She hadn't allowed herself to believe in that future. Not since he'd told her it was all a mistake, that morning in her room, the day she found Oceanus and her life changed.
Not since she'd heard him whisper Selphie's name in his sleep.
"I don't expect anything, you know," she said, softly. "From you, I mean. Not with everything that's happened, that's still happening… And I know we need to be more careful, after last night..." She sighed. "Everything's so complicated. So… unpredictable."
"That's what our lives are like, Hotshot. Better get used to it. If you want stability and routine you're in the wrong job."
"I know. And I don't want things to be boring and the same. But…"
There was a pause. Irvine pulled her a little closer, kissed the top of her head.
"Live in the present, sweetheart. It's the only place you can be sure is real. Take it from me, I've lived in the past and the future and neither is good. Stay in the here and now."
"Hmm." She snuggled into the delicious warmth of his body. "This now is good," she said. "I like it."
"Me too," he murmured. "But we only have ten more minutes of it until we have to get in the shower."
She raised her head just enough to read the alarm clock by the bed. "It's not going to take us an hour to get washed and dressed," she said.
"No," said Irvine. "Not unless I take the opportunity to fuck you senseless in the shower while we're at it."
"Again?" she looked at him with wide eyes and a wicked smile.
"Oh yeah." He smiled his lazy smile at her, savouring the subtle shift from contentment to anticipation. "Unless you've had enough?"
"Well," she considered, "I guess just one more won't hurt. And we haven't done it actually in the shower yet."
"That's my girl," he rolled her swiftly onto her back and took her mouth in a searing kiss. "And there's no time like the present."
* * * * * * *