Original characters, world and backstory belong to Squaresoft, lucky folks.

OK, you probably know the drill by now. If you want the full NC-17 version with all the smut the author intended, it's on my website, www.scribblemoose.co.uk The version below has been censored in line with ffnet policy because I'm a scaredy cat ^_^

Still welcoming the feedback, by the way, here or by e-mail (fanfic@scribblemoose.co.uk)

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Chapter 30 - Recall

They were silent all the way back to Garden.

Irvine kept himself separate from the others, partly to soothe Ether, and partly to give them some space, but Squall was locked in his own dark mood, and Rinoa was mostly crying. Irvine wanted badly to knock some sense into both of them, but didn't know where to start.

Ether was hungry.

His Guardian explained to him that mind-to-mind contact took enormous amounts of energy, and formed a bond that wouldn't fade for hours, maybe even days; that even now it was draining Ether, more so because the emotions that flowed between the three of them were so painful. Irvine sat on the cold metal floor of the Ragnarok with his forehead on his knees, and thought of Selphie, hoping that it might soothe Ether, or him, or both of them. It did, a little.

But not nearly enough.

They arrived at Garden, and Irvine found himself following them to Squall's quarters. Of course, they'd already half-arranged to play cards while they waited for Selphie to arrive from Trabia, and then they were all going to go for a night out in Balamb. But more than that, Irvine found the idea of leaving them, of going back to his own room, alone, was uncomfortable in the extreme. He felt responsible for all of this, he wanted to put things right.

Rinoa grabbed a change of clothes from a drawer and ran sobbing to the bathroom, locking herself in. Squall threw his jacket in a corner and stalked to the kitchen.

"Beer?" he barked.

"Thanks," said Irvine, hanging his hat and coat up neatly, resting his rifle against the wall next to Squall's gunblade case. Angelo emerged, yawning, from the bedroom and bounded enthusiastically to Irvine's side, tail pounding against his legs as Irvine roughly petted his deep fur.

Squall returned with a beer for himself and one for Irvine, and threw himself on the sofa, hooking one leg over the arm. He looked steadily at Irvine, grey eyes smouldering through ragged, bangs. His lips were slightly parted, and moist where they'd been wrapped around the cold beer bottle.

Irvine's heart pounded in his chest. He was struggling to find his voice.

He took a long draw on his beer and tried to think of something to say that might actually make sense.

"I don't know how to deal with her," said Squall.

Irvine crossed to the sofa and sat down next to him, pulling the band off his pony tail, working his fingers through some of the tangles in his auburn mane.

"She's only young," he said. "Give her time, Squall."

"She's the same age as us, give or take," said Squall.

"But she hasn't lived as much. She's been well cared for and sheltered, like we should have been. It's not her that's screwed up, Squall, it's us."

Squall glowered at him. All Irvine could think was how incredibly sexy he looked: all black leather and attitude and eyes and hair. He took a gulp of beer and Irvine could see his tongue running round the rim of the bottle.

Ether was humming more strongly in his mind now, but still felt pitifully weak.

"What was that?" said Squall. "Back there, I heard you in my mind, and Rin. Was that Ether?"

Irvine nodded. "It was an accident, though. I just wanted to warn you, and it… happened."

"That could be really useful in battle," said Squall.

"I know," said Irvine, " but there are side effects. It's made Ether really weak."

"Shit. Is it alright?"

"I think… but it's hungry."

"D'you want to go to the training centre for a while? A few grats might help."

Irvine shook his head. "It doesn't feed off combat," he said. "It likes… happiness, I think. Happy feelings." Selphie'll be here soon. He thought. She's bound to make it happy. She makes everyone happy.

"Oh." Squall fell into quiet contemplation again, and they sat in silence for a while.

Irvine could feel Squall's anger fading, turning to something more like worry.

Rinoa returned from the shower, her eyes still a little puffy from crying. She wore a blue skirt, short as usual, and a matching strappy top that clung to her full breasts. She dabbed at her dripping hair with a towel.

"I'm sorry," she said, in a very small voice. "I know I'm useless. I was just so scared…"

Squall pulled her onto his lap, and offered her his beer; she wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Doesn't go with toothpaste," she said.

"Wuss," said Squall, but with affection in his voice.

She dropped the towel on the floor and cuddled up to Squall's chest, her little naked feet wriggling down into thin gap between Squall's thigh and Irvine's.

Irvine should have felt like a gooseberry, but somehow he didn't. Rinoa smiled at him, and Squall watched him steadily, his eyes softer now. It felt right, to be there with them. Natural. How things should be.

~Want. Need. Take.~

Irvine frowned.

"What's up?" asked Rinoa.

"Oh, nothing," Irvine replied. "I thought… Ether's a bit weak. I guess that mind link or whatever it was isn't something I'll be doing every day."

"It was very… intense," said Rinoa. "Mmm… that's nice."

Irvine realised with a shock that he was absentmindedly stroking her ankle, gently probing the tired tendons, caressing her still-damp skin. His eyes darted guiltily up at Squall, but there was nothing in Squall's expression that suggested outrage.

He looked away as Squall dipped his head to kiss Rinoa, thinking briefly that he should go back to his own room and leave the two of them alone.

He didn't want to. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to be with them.

Both of them. Like Duck and Zef, in the old days.

~Want. Need. Take.~

~What, Ether? What do you want?~

~Sniper. Lion. Sorceress.~

Irvine felt Squall's fingers threading through his hair, tugging gently, pulling him closer. He turned in surprise, and his eyes met Rinoa's just before her lips were on his, her hand joining Squall's, pulling him into her kiss.

It must be the link. We're still bound together. I should tell them…

She sucked his tongue into her mouth; she tasted of toothpaste and smelt of the ocean, fresh and salty.

He pulled back with a gasp, blinking at her; he could still feel Squall's hand cupping the base of his skull, his fingers stroking reassuringly though Irvine's hair.

"What…" Irvine managed, before Rinoa distracted him with another kiss; this time abandoning Squall's lap to kneel astride Irvine's thighs, winding her arms around his neck.

There was a creak of leather, and when Irvine opened his eyes he saw Squall, standing behind Rinoa now, gently massaging her shoulders and watching him.

"I think this is Ether," said Irvine. "I don't think…"

"Shhh," said Rinoa. "Feels good…"

"Squall?" Irvine looked up, aware that his resistance was fading; all he wanted to do was abandon himself to the sensation of Rinoa, writhing slowly now in his lap, to Squall's fingertips twining themselves though his as they both caressed Rinoa's hair.

Squall's eyes flashed silver for a second, with a hint of uncertainty.

"What are we doing?" breathed Irvine.

Squall leaned over Rinoa's shoulder and kissed him.

His mouth was soft, a little hesitant at first, moving across Irvine's cautiously, barely brushing lips to lips, and then as his confidence grew so his kiss became firmer and more passionate, until he had stolen Irvine's breath completely and Irvine's heart felt as if it were trying to beat its way out of his chest.

He pulled back, gasping for air, and saw the heat in Squall's eyes.

~Want. Need. Take.~

There was a reason he shouldn't do this, he knew there was. But he wanted it so, so badly. As much as he loved Selphie, she seemed irrelevant, nothing to do with what he was feeling, what he wanted at that moment. She'd never know. It didn't matter. All that mattered was this, here, now, them.

~Sniper, Lion, Sorceress.~

~Ether?~

~Want. Need. Take.~

"I don't understand this," said Squall, his voice deep, resonant, sexy as dark chocolate, "but I want you. Both of you. Now."

Irvine swallowed hard, searching Rinoa's deep brown eyes, hardly daring to breathe.

"Me too," she whispered. "Irvy?"

Irvine managed, barely, to nod.

"Bedroom," said Squall.

Rinoa slithered off Irvine's lap and took his hand, pulling him to his feet. They followed Squall to the bedroom, Ether's song rich in Irvine's mind, and stood, a little awkwardly, by the bed.

"I've never done anything like this before," said Rinoa, shyly. "Have you?"

"Kind of." Squall's eyes flickered to Irvine briefly. "But not exactly."

Irvine smiled hesitantly. "Yeah," he admitted. "Once or twice." All the time, at Galbadia, when Duck and Zef were about. Then, seeing their slightly anxious looks, seeking reassurance, "it'll be fine," he added. "Trust me. Rin, come lie down. Just relax. Let us make you feel good."

Rinoa lay obediently on the bed, and Irvine knelt to one side of her, indicating to Squall that he should kneel on the other. She looked up at him, a little nervous.

"We'll just take it slow, to start," Irvine soothed. "Just relax, babe. We're gonna make you feel so good…"

He lay one broad palm over her tummy, moving in small circles, and brushed her hair back from her neck and shoulders, clearing the way for him to explore the pale flesh with his lips and tongue. Squall leaned across to cover Rinoa's mouth with his, and Irvine felt the soft brush of Squall's hair against his cheek, heard the faintest of moans, deep in Squall's throat, and Rinoa's breath coming faster and faster.

Irvine pushed her vest up a little, continuing to stroke her belly, skin to skin now, feather-light. She fluttered under him, raising her hips just a bit to welcome his touch; he felt their desire, Rinoa's and Squall's, not just an echo through their response, but real, first hand, in his very being, twisting around his own senses, and he knew that they felt his, the three of them bound together by Ether's song.

From that moment everything felt easy and natural. Squall and Irvine worked together to slowly strip Rinoa's clothes from her body, watching each other as they kissed and caressed her, grey eyes on violet. There was none of the fumbling, accidental bumping into each other that Irvine usually found inevitable with multi-partner sex, no false moves. They instinctively knew what the other was about to do and complemented it: Squall running his hands up Rinoa's thighs while Irvine cupped a breast and took a nipple between firm lips; Irvine trailing the back of his hand from her collarbone to her navel while Squall followed with his tongue, not stopping when he reached Irvine's fingers, but sucking them into his mouth. Rinoa pulled first Irvine and then Squall down to kiss, a faint blush spreading across her cheekbones as Irvine dipped his fingers between her legs for the first time.

She gave up her passivity then, and took on a passion which belonged to the older, wiser Rinoa. She undid Irvine's soft cotton shirt and pushed it over his shoulders, attacked the fastenings of Squall's belts and pants as he helped Irvine out of his jeans. It was getting harder to tell where one of them ended and another began; Irvine prided himself on his skill as a lover, and had a hundred ways of finding out what turned his partner on, but this certainty threatened to overwhelm him. He gloried in it, anticipating and fulfilling their needs and fantasies before they were even fully formed in their own minds. They were doing the same, he realised, sharing themselves completely with him, open, unguarded, gathering him in their arms and including him, welcoming him, touching him where he needed to be touched, kissing him where he longed to be kissed, showing him how beautiful they were together, ivory skin and lean muscle. They pulled him into their passion and let him drown himself in it, raven hair tumbling with soft brown and toffee-copper, all touch and tongue and bliss.

The knowing made it so easy, so right, so good.

Irvine heard a voice in his head, as sweet as honey and smooth as silk, that he wanted to hear forever.

~Sniper, Lion, Sorceress. You are magnificent.~

* * * * * * *

Irvine woke briefly, in the flower field at Winhill, and felt Rinoa's fingers digging painfully into his palm. He let her nails sink into his flesh, drawing blood, without so much as a twitch.

He opened his eyes and saw Ellone, sitting perfectly still against a backdrop of spring flowers, a faint blush on her pale cheeks.

"Later," she murmured. "Just a little later…"

He drifted back to meet his nightmare.

* * * * * * *

They lay in a heap for a moment, stunned.

He couldn't feel them anymore, he couldn't tell what they were thinking, and he was paralysed for an instant by the loss. Then he realised that Squall was wriggling out from underneath him, desperate to get away. He shot one brief, tortured look at Irvine as he slid off the bed, trembling all over, looking suddenly young and pale and thin.

He fled towards the bathroom, his eyes clouded with panic; confused, hurt.

Irvine could hear Rinoa crying, twisting in the space Squall had left between them to hunch into a ball. "I'm sorry," she muttered to herself, her hands curled to fists and held over her face, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

Selphie. Oh, gods, Selphie, what have I done?

Irvine wanted more than anything else at that moment to escape, to get into his clothes and back to his room as fast as he possibly could. But he looked down at Rinoa, curled up fragile, broken beside him, and knew he couldn't leave. He scooped her into his arms and held her, rocking her trembling body gently back and forth, breathing reassurance into her hair.

"Shhh… babe, shhhh… it'll be alright. Shhh… I'm sorry, babe, I'm sorry…"

His clouded mind struggled to make sense of what was happening, of what had happened. For one, awful moment it occurred to him that maybe he'd hallucinated their consent, that Ether had made him think they were willing when…

He felt Rinoa's arms, vice-tight around his middle, the kiss of her lips to his chest as she muttered her apology over and over, and knew he hadn't imagined it. It had been real, their desire had been real. It wasn't a mistake. It had been, for however long it had lasted, what they all wanted.

"Shhh, Rin, shhhh… it's okay…"

"No," she whispered, breaking her mantra, "it's not. It'll never be okay, ever again, ever, ever again…"

"I'll talk to Squall," said Irvine, "we're just a bit freaked out, is all. It's just Ether, I think he… the link… I don't know. But we can fix this. I promise."

"Selphie's my best friend," Rinoa wailed. "She's the only person in the whole of Garden who doesn't think I'm a waste of space! How could I do this to her?"

Irvine paused in his rocking as the knife twisted in his heart. Everything went very, very still, and guilt hung in the air like noxious smoke, suffocating.

The door opened in slow motion, and he clutched Rinoa's naked body to his as he watched Selphie shatter in front of his eyes.

He released Rinoa numbly from his arms; she scrabbled into her skirt and top, all the time telling Selphie how sorry she was. Selphie just stood there, looking from him to Rinoa and back again, the hurt on her face unbearable. Then it turned to anger, cold, hard anger, something so rare in Selphie's usually sunny expression that Irvine didn't recognise it at first.

"If you don't get the fuck out of here I'm going to hit you," she told Rinoa. "And I won't stop until you're dead."

"Selphie, no, it's not her fault." Irvine was about to spring from the bed, but Rinoa threw magic at him, so fast he couldn't reflect. For a minute he thought he'd frozen just from the shock, but it dawned on him gradually that she'd put a hold spell on him.

"Do what you want," said Rinoa. "I deserve it."

"Leave," said Selphie. "I won't warn you again."

Go away, for fuck's sake run, you stupid girl!

There was enough of the bond left that she heard him, whether he meant her to or not: he could see it in the quick flash of anger through her eyes. But she refused to move. Irvine started to gather a counterspell, but it was too late.

Selphie shrugged with a chilling casualness. "Whatever," she said, and launched herself at Rinoa in complete fury, throwing a series of kicks and punches that would have made Zell proud.

Rinoa just took it, barely shielding herself from Selphie's blows.

Irvine finally managed to break the spell, and yelled at Selphie to stop.

To his surprise, she did.

Rinoa sobbed and ran from the room, leaving them alone; Selphie stared at him in disgust.

"It's not how it looks, Seffie," he said, hopelessly, knowing she would never believe him.

"Do you have any idea how pathetic that sounds?"

He just looked at her, trying to think.

"I should have known," she said. "They all warned me about you."

She was still brimming with anger, and Irvine could hear Rinoa calling to Squall; she still hadn't left. Stupid girl.

"Seffie, please, I would never hurt you on purpose. I love you. I found this Guardian today and it feeds off emotion, and…"

She stared incredulously at him. "A Guardian made you fuck my best friend? Shit, Irvine, that is just so lame. I can't believe you. I thought we were different, I thought…"

"We are," said Irvine, pleading now. "Please, Seffie, I love you more than anything, please..."

"I don't love you," she said. "Not enough for… not enough."

She turned and ran after Rinoa.

He followed her to the living area to see her chasing Rinoa from Squall's apartment. He heard the lock click into place, and realised then that he was trapped, he had no idea what the code was. He heard footsteps, and a scream, a thud.

Ether was shifting uncomfortably in his mind; he pulled out of the junction suddenly, falling heavily to his knees with the sudden loss. He junctioned Shiva instead, welcoming the calmness she brought to him, the subtle strength, familiar and comforting. He had to get out of here, to explain. Once they knew about Ether, they'd understand…

He started to get dressed, finding his jeans, socks, boots. He picked up his shirt from the floor and found himself slumping onto the bed, just staring at the soft cotton in his hands, his chest aching.

He couldn't wear it.

He pulled Squall's t-shirt over his head instead, a little tight over his broader shoulders than over Squall's, but wearable, and went to find its owner. Somewhere in the confusion of his mind he knew that Rinoa was in danger, and if he let Selphie hurt her badly he'd never forgive himself.

Squall was still in the bathroom, shower water running endlessly, and it took an age to get him to open the door. When he finally did he wouldn't look Irvine in the eye. His face was cold, impassive, as lifeless as when Irvine had first met him. Even the news that they had to stop Selphie from hurting Rinoa didn't seem to make much of an impact.

By the time they and found Rinoa, Quistis had saved her and she was in the Infirmary. Selphie had vanished. Squall stalked back to his quarters without a word.

Irvine stayed with Rinoa for a while not knowing what else to do. He smoothed the raven hair back from her face, spreading it over the starched white pillow, numbed, not even noticing the deep bruises forming on her face from Selphie's attack. Unconscious, she looked as cold and impassive as Squall; all that passion, all the emotion and the knowing gone, stolen from him as quickly as it had been given.

She looked so young, was all he could think. So young.

Eventually Zell came to him, and put an arm around his shoulder, a simple act of kindness so undeserved that it reduced Irvine to tears. He let Zell lead him away from the infirmary, sobbing in his arms like a child.

Later on Zell managed to coax Squall out of his room somehow, and the three of them sat on the balcony by the ballroom, drinking brandy until they were numb.

* * * * * * *

"Irvine?"

Ellone's voice.

"Are you awake?"

He opened his eyes to the blue sky above Winhill, and realised his cheeks were wet.

"Are you okay, Irvine?"

He propped himself up on his elbows, shaking his head a little. "Yeah," he said. "I think." He realised his hand was empty. "Where's…" he saw Rinoa, a little way off, Squall a short distance from her, perched on the fence, watching her.

"I thought you'd need a while, before we try again," said Ellone, softly.

"Yeah. Are they…"

"I think they just need to take it all in." She twirled a piece of grass between her forefinger and thumb, spring-new and bright green.

"You were there," said Irvine. "It was Ether, wasn't it? Ether made us…"

"I don't think so," said Ellone. "Seems to me Ether was just hungry, and that gave you a different perspective. You weren't to know. GF accidents aren't exactly rare, are they?"

"Well… no." Irvine shuddered inwardly, remembering the first time Squall had junctioned Eden.

"And as accidents go…" Ellone offered him a little smile he hadn't seen before.

Except on Squall's lips.

"… it wasn't so bad," admitted Irvine. "If we'd been less fragile, if it had been Duck and Zef with me…"

"Exactly." Ellone reached out and squeezed his hand. "Things were already wrong, weren't they?"

Irvine looked over toward the fence. Rinoa was walking towards Squall; he looked up as she approached.

"Yes," he murmured. "For them. But for me and Selphie…"

He watched as Squall took Rinoa's hand, and kissed it.

"I should be with Selphie," he said. "I should always have been with Selphie."

Rinoa flung her arms around Squall's neck, and hugged him.

"Did I ever get to explain?" asked Irvine. "What would have happened, if… if things hadn't changed?"

"Whenever you're all ready, I'll take you back to find out."

"Thanks," said Irvine. "Are you okay?" he added. "It must have been a bit weird, with Squall being your brother and…"

"It's okay," said Ellone. "It wasn't as bad as… actually the three of you were rather beautiful together."

Irvine didn't say anything, but he knew what she meant.

Rinoa and Squall rejoined them, and Irvine suddenly felt as awkward as if they really had been rutting together like animals a few moments ago.

"Hey," he said, uncertainly. What if they blamed him? What if it really was his fault? He'd already lost Selphie, he understood that now. But if he'd lost them too…

"I can't believe I forgot that," said Rinoa, softly.

They sat down, Squall on one side, Rinoa the other. Rinoa took his hand again.

"Gods, did I do that?" she ran her fingers softly over the scratches she'd made in his palm. "I'm sorry, Irvine."

"It's okay." He looked up at her, relieved to see the usual warmth in her eyes.

"I can't believe I was such a wuss, either," she said, with a wry grin.

Irvine smiled back. "You've come a long way, babe," he said.

"She certainly has," came Squall's low voice.

"Well, so have you," Rinoa teased, "Ice Prince of Balamb," she snorted.

Squall glared at her.

They were putting themselves back together, Irvine realised. Teasing, testing, rebuilding the rules that bound them to each other.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," said Squall, quitely.

"It wasn't just Ether," said Irvine. "I can control him."

"You can now," said Rinoa. "It was new to you then. How would you have known what to do then? We didn't even realise what was happening until it was too late."

"We wanted to do it," said Squall. "Like that time after… with me and you. It was real."

"That's right," said Rinoa. "Ether just made it seem… possible. And it was… kind of beautiful," she said, unconsciously echoing Ellone's words. Her hand stroked Irvine's, soothing him.

Squall turned his eyes to Irvine, soft blue-grey, reflecting the Winhill sky. "It's okay," he said. "Don't blame yourself. It was an accident. What's really wrong is that we didn't remember. We still need to find out how that happened."

"I'm ready when you guys are," said Ellone.

* * * * * * *

There were a dozen little visions, as Ellone looked for a moment, a time that would tell them what might have been. What should have been.

She finally settled on a night in a club in Balamb.

Squall wasn't there, and neither was Rinoa; she'd gone back to Deling to live with her father a couple of months ago. Irvine was talking to Quistis, just small talk; she'd given up asking what had happened that day to make Selphie try and kill Rinoa, but the resentment stayed with her. If it was punishment to sit there under her icy glare while she criticised him for slacking, being late and missing briefings, it was no more than he deserved

Selphie was getting drunk with Zell.

She'd finally started to speak to Irvine again, at least in public. She'd be civil to him. But she'd never been interested in his explanations, or willing even to hear him out. Zell had told her about Ether, but it didn't seem to make any difference. As far as she was concerned they were over and done with; he'd betrayed her with her best friend and that was unforgivable, whatever the circumstances. More than that, she'd been waiting for it, all the time they'd been together, she was just waiting for him to live up to his reputation and break her heart.

Zell had tried to persuade Irvine that he should move on, find someone new. Not just to get laid: Irvine had taken the initiative there as soon as he was certain Selphie wouldn't take him back. But he wasn't ready to be with anyone for more than a night. He didn't think he ever would be.

That night was the night Irvine noticed Xu. He noticed the way she watched Selphie from across the room, how she frowned when Zell bought her another drink, how she suppressed a little smile when Selphie pushed Zell playfully, underestimating her own strength and accidentally toppling him off the stool.

Selphie called over the girl from the library, told her to dance with Zell, ignoring the fact he was blushing clean to his baby-blonde roots. Selphie watched them leave for the dancefloor, signalled the bar tender for another shot. He wouldn't serve her, and she was getting pissed with him when suddenly Xu was there. They spoke quietly, and Xu led her away.

The vision faded.

"That's it," said Ellone.

"What do you mean, that's it?" said Squall.

"I can't get you anywhere after that. It doesn't work."

"Then the past has been changed," said Squall. "It's not just memories, it's…"

"No, it hasn't," said Ellone. "You can't change the past. But you know you have to have been to a place before you can travel back to it? Well, you have to remember a time, too. This time hasn't existed for you. None of you remember it, so… it doesn't exist. What exists is what you remember."

"When does it stop?" said Squall, urgently. "I need to know the exact moment, for all of us."

There was a pause.

Fleeting visions: it was ten in the morning. Selphie slept, in Xu's bed. Irvine slept, in the bed of some girl he'd picked up at the party. Rinoa was at school in Deling, taking notes with a look of grim determination on her face. Zell was taking a class in the training centre. Squall was meeting with Quistis, his eyes glazed over some as she explained some bureaucratic process that was required for making sure everyone in Garden had enough uniform socks.

Xu was in the lab. Xu was glowing with pink light.

Xu held a crystal in each hand, and sang.

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This chapter is for Megan, who has been waiting for it patiently for the longest time, and beta'd for me when her own life is already full-to-brimming. I hope it was worth waiting for :)

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Note: OED entry for a gooseberry in this context = Brit. informal a third person who stays in the company of two people, especially lovers, who would prefer to be alone. Just in case anyone was wondering ^^

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