Almost at the end, only a couple more chapters to go. Congratulations for making it this far… you know, this fic has turned out way too long for a bit of stupidity. And again, let me emphasise how this fic should never be taken as anything other than silliness. Especially several aspects of this chapter. Enjoy.
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CHAPTER 7
"How am I doing, Circus Bob?"
"Raise your knees a bit, Circus Logan! That's it, my boy!"
Logan circled his small trailer with ease, laughing in delight. His unicycle teacher was thrown against a nearby hot dog stand as a small explosion struck beside him. Logan stopped laughing and awkwardly got off the unicycle, suspecting that something might be wrong.
"Hey…"
A guy in a dark brown trench coat stood a little way off. He grinned mischievously at the destruction he had caused, turned to Logan and pointed at a name tag. It read: 'Hi, I'm Remy LeBeau, aka Gambit, and the author has no intention of writing me in character either.'
Logan stared in disbelief at Remy. Three days at the circus had clearly affected his awareness of evil, bad, stupid things. "You killed Circus Bob!"
"And Gambit kill you too!" Remy screeched. He picked up a Ferrari, charged it with kinetic energy and threw it.
"You can't do that!" protested Logan, rolling about on the floor to dodge the explosion.
"I can't?" Gambit chucked another Ferrari at him with obvious ease. "Why not?"
"Because we're in a circus. There aren't any Ferrari's here. And, hey! You're not supposed to even have super strength!"
"Like you say, we're in de circus. You, Wolverine, you joined de circus. So what makes you t'ink dat dis is de normal, completely logical X-Men universe?" Remy raised an eyebrow and picked up a fire-truck which had deposited itself conveniently at his feet.
"Yeah, but… oh, please stop throwing things around. Why do you want to kill me anyway?"
"Cos Gambit don't get his place in X-Men 1. Den all de fangirls yell in anger. Along comes X-Men 2. De fangirls yell some more. De fuckin' fangirls do my head in!"
Gambit threw the fire truck, his face turning a little purple. "And it's all cos o' you, Wolverine! You and dat Iceman. Takin' my place as the one who makes fun of ol' Cyke. Iceman takin' my place as Rogue's lover."
"Hold it right there, bub. How the hell can you blame any of this on me?" Logan demanded. Gambit paused.
"Cos… cos you just be standin' there!" He broke down sobbing. Logan's expression softened. He cautiously made his way to where Remy crouched, wondering if perhaps he could also find solace in the circus.
"Hang on, Logan, don't move! I'll save you!" Cyclops dropped out of a tree and blasted Remy about a quarter mile south. Logan froze, and then began to gibber helplessly.
"It's fine, Logan, everything will be fine," Scott said soothingly. "You don't need to thank me."
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"Professor! Listen to me," Kitty pleaded. She didn't have much time. "Rogue's ill, I saw her taken from the main Choco-Locko factory building yesterday. Maybe she got a stomach bug or something minor, I don't know. They didn't take her to hospital. But she was on a stretcher."
"Kitty, listen. There is absolutely nothing to panic about. Stretchers are very comfortable. I was once on a stretcher too, you know. Rogue's probably enjoying herself."
"Professor!"
"What? I am sorry, but I really have to go now. Things have been horrendously busy here lately." He hung up, leaving Kitty to sink against the wall in dejection. She was ready to cry. But then, remembering an old power chant, she felt her spirits lift again.
"I am strong. I am strong," she whispered into the darkness, and began to point at the vague shadows of random objects. "I am stronger than you. And stronger than you. Even you. And – oh my, you as well!"
At the sudden sound of low murmuring outside the study, Kitty shut up. She listened. She inched closer, and listened some more. Then she reached for the phone.
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"Kitty, slow down. What did you hear them talking about?" Bobby said patiently as Kitty babbled in whispers on the phone. St John walked hesitantly towards him, glancing at the dressing wrapped around his head. They had run away from Happy Clowns as soon as Bobby regained consciousness and hitch-hiked back to the mansion. Both felt guilty, although John couldn't resist a smile when he thought about how the situation had arisen.
Bobby hung up. He was grinning.
"Was that Kitty?" John asked. "It's 10.30, where's she been?"
"She's staying the night at the factory. Hiding in an office or something. We have a plan."
"Oh yeah? Better than my plan of denying everything and then immigrating to Guam?"
"Slightly. Kitty overheard some factory employees talking about Clown. She owns the factories. Both of them."
"What? That's impossible… How can she run factories from a day care centre?"
"She doesn't, she just sends out the basic orders and they get on with it. But the sneaky thing about all of this is that the Choco-Locko factory is making chocolate that's *too* good. Rogue's been taken ill because of it. It's so high in chocolate content and the taste is disguised by so many flavourings to make it seem normal that it literally could kill you."
"Isn't that a bit melodramatic?"
"Well, yes. But think about it. We don't want to go to prison. Now, Kitty has proof of this evil plot to kill people. Rogue's practically been kidnapped. Clown owns the factories. What do you think that means?"
"Um…" John screwed up his face in thought. "Yes!"
"It means that we have enough evidence to go to the police about this plot. But we won't. We'll bribe Clown. Kitty will keep silent about the chocolate plot as long as Clown lets Rogue go and invents a cover story about the death of the kid. No?"
"But what about the chocolate plot? We're just gonna let everyone die from eating that stuff?"
"Kitty found something that she thinks can radically decrease the effects of the chocolate. A few bars will give you a short stomach ache at the most. It'll only kill you if you eat too much."
"Well, that's alright then. So when do we do this?"
Bobby glanced around nervously, then lowered his voice till it was a mere whisper.
"Tonight."
Right on cue, moody atmospheric music began to play, much to the surprise of the other students. John shifted weight uncomfortably. "It's been a long day…"
"Yeah," Bobby agreed. "Some time tomorrow then. After lunch, perhaps."
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CHAPTER 7
"How am I doing, Circus Bob?"
"Raise your knees a bit, Circus Logan! That's it, my boy!"
Logan circled his small trailer with ease, laughing in delight. His unicycle teacher was thrown against a nearby hot dog stand as a small explosion struck beside him. Logan stopped laughing and awkwardly got off the unicycle, suspecting that something might be wrong.
"Hey…"
A guy in a dark brown trench coat stood a little way off. He grinned mischievously at the destruction he had caused, turned to Logan and pointed at a name tag. It read: 'Hi, I'm Remy LeBeau, aka Gambit, and the author has no intention of writing me in character either.'
Logan stared in disbelief at Remy. Three days at the circus had clearly affected his awareness of evil, bad, stupid things. "You killed Circus Bob!"
"And Gambit kill you too!" Remy screeched. He picked up a Ferrari, charged it with kinetic energy and threw it.
"You can't do that!" protested Logan, rolling about on the floor to dodge the explosion.
"I can't?" Gambit chucked another Ferrari at him with obvious ease. "Why not?"
"Because we're in a circus. There aren't any Ferrari's here. And, hey! You're not supposed to even have super strength!"
"Like you say, we're in de circus. You, Wolverine, you joined de circus. So what makes you t'ink dat dis is de normal, completely logical X-Men universe?" Remy raised an eyebrow and picked up a fire-truck which had deposited itself conveniently at his feet.
"Yeah, but… oh, please stop throwing things around. Why do you want to kill me anyway?"
"Cos Gambit don't get his place in X-Men 1. Den all de fangirls yell in anger. Along comes X-Men 2. De fangirls yell some more. De fuckin' fangirls do my head in!"
Gambit threw the fire truck, his face turning a little purple. "And it's all cos o' you, Wolverine! You and dat Iceman. Takin' my place as the one who makes fun of ol' Cyke. Iceman takin' my place as Rogue's lover."
"Hold it right there, bub. How the hell can you blame any of this on me?" Logan demanded. Gambit paused.
"Cos… cos you just be standin' there!" He broke down sobbing. Logan's expression softened. He cautiously made his way to where Remy crouched, wondering if perhaps he could also find solace in the circus.
"Hang on, Logan, don't move! I'll save you!" Cyclops dropped out of a tree and blasted Remy about a quarter mile south. Logan froze, and then began to gibber helplessly.
"It's fine, Logan, everything will be fine," Scott said soothingly. "You don't need to thank me."
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"Professor! Listen to me," Kitty pleaded. She didn't have much time. "Rogue's ill, I saw her taken from the main Choco-Locko factory building yesterday. Maybe she got a stomach bug or something minor, I don't know. They didn't take her to hospital. But she was on a stretcher."
"Kitty, listen. There is absolutely nothing to panic about. Stretchers are very comfortable. I was once on a stretcher too, you know. Rogue's probably enjoying herself."
"Professor!"
"What? I am sorry, but I really have to go now. Things have been horrendously busy here lately." He hung up, leaving Kitty to sink against the wall in dejection. She was ready to cry. But then, remembering an old power chant, she felt her spirits lift again.
"I am strong. I am strong," she whispered into the darkness, and began to point at the vague shadows of random objects. "I am stronger than you. And stronger than you. Even you. And – oh my, you as well!"
At the sudden sound of low murmuring outside the study, Kitty shut up. She listened. She inched closer, and listened some more. Then she reached for the phone.
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"Kitty, slow down. What did you hear them talking about?" Bobby said patiently as Kitty babbled in whispers on the phone. St John walked hesitantly towards him, glancing at the dressing wrapped around his head. They had run away from Happy Clowns as soon as Bobby regained consciousness and hitch-hiked back to the mansion. Both felt guilty, although John couldn't resist a smile when he thought about how the situation had arisen.
Bobby hung up. He was grinning.
"Was that Kitty?" John asked. "It's 10.30, where's she been?"
"She's staying the night at the factory. Hiding in an office or something. We have a plan."
"Oh yeah? Better than my plan of denying everything and then immigrating to Guam?"
"Slightly. Kitty overheard some factory employees talking about Clown. She owns the factories. Both of them."
"What? That's impossible… How can she run factories from a day care centre?"
"She doesn't, she just sends out the basic orders and they get on with it. But the sneaky thing about all of this is that the Choco-Locko factory is making chocolate that's *too* good. Rogue's been taken ill because of it. It's so high in chocolate content and the taste is disguised by so many flavourings to make it seem normal that it literally could kill you."
"Isn't that a bit melodramatic?"
"Well, yes. But think about it. We don't want to go to prison. Now, Kitty has proof of this evil plot to kill people. Rogue's practically been kidnapped. Clown owns the factories. What do you think that means?"
"Um…" John screwed up his face in thought. "Yes!"
"It means that we have enough evidence to go to the police about this plot. But we won't. We'll bribe Clown. Kitty will keep silent about the chocolate plot as long as Clown lets Rogue go and invents a cover story about the death of the kid. No?"
"But what about the chocolate plot? We're just gonna let everyone die from eating that stuff?"
"Kitty found something that she thinks can radically decrease the effects of the chocolate. A few bars will give you a short stomach ache at the most. It'll only kill you if you eat too much."
"Well, that's alright then. So when do we do this?"
Bobby glanced around nervously, then lowered his voice till it was a mere whisper.
"Tonight."
Right on cue, moody atmospheric music began to play, much to the surprise of the other students. John shifted weight uncomfortably. "It's been a long day…"
"Yeah," Bobby agreed. "Some time tomorrow then. After lunch, perhaps."