*** Hey! Hello! There are some things that i wants ta explain before you go ahead and read this fic!
* First of all, I will not be held responsible if this is/will be similar to an actual episode in the series. This is based on a filler chapter called "The Temptation of Saint Pigsy" from the original Journey to the West, also called Xi You Ji or Hsi Yu Chi (pronounce it like Sai-yu-ki and you'll get it), by Wu Cheng'en. Thank Sephiroth for Chinese Lit, eh?
* Um, second of all, while there's no yaoi or outright shounen-ai, there is hinting, so if you're offended by that kinda stuff, why the hell are you still reading this?
* Third and last (you're thinking, "'bout time!"), all emails and reviews are welcome, especially complements, suggestions, and flames. Yes, flames.
* Oh, one more thing: I apologize in advance for the last line. DON'T LOOK AT IT YET! If you don't get the joke, just look up a man by the name of Akira Ishida. Or email me. Enjoy!
**********************************************
The Temptation of St. Gojyo
An adaptation
"Stupid monkey."
"Knock it off, Gojyo. Leave him alone."
"Yeah, sprite-boy, leave me alone."
The forest, for whatever reason, was boiling. The four inhabitants of the jeep were being steamed and stewed like a cabbage, and smelled slightly worse. Their illustrious leader, Great Priest Genjo Sanzo, sat shotgun next to the jeep's owner and driver, Cho Hakkai. The priest's holy scrolls, which were worn around his neck for religious symbolism and easy recognition, but now sat rolled up on top of the dashboard, were starting to crumple in the humidity. The priest, sweating from the heat, had removed his tawny outer vestments. His skintight black undershirt was not faring much better, and he had even gone so far as to remove his black armbands. He ran his fingers through his sandy blonde hair, wringing out most of the sweat that dampened it.
"There's no room in here for fighting, boys," he said to the two men in back. "It's too damn hot as it is."
Sanzo looked over at Hakkai, who seemed to be faring well through the heat, despite his layers upon layers of clothing. Hakkai wore a thick, long-sleeved, green shirt, khaki dress pants, and topped it all off with a white silk band that draped from left shoulder to right hip. Although his face was pouring sweat, his short brunette hair showed no signs of dampness. His monocle, which was attached to a nosepiece and placed before his right eye, was fogged up from humidity. Sitting side by side, Hakkai and Sanzo looked as though they had dropped from two different eras.
In the back seat sat a very uncomfortable Sha Gojyo and an even more uncomfortable - and therefore fidgety - Son Goku. Gojyo had taken the effort to tie his magenta hair in a ponytail, keeping it away from his neck. His long bangs, however, had slid out and served to cover his enchantingly tempting face. He was shirtless now, although he didn't regularly make a habit of wearing heavy clothes. The only things uncomfortable were his leather pants, and they only proved uncomfortable because they clung to his sweaty skin. He tried in desperation to light a cigarette, failed, threw the lighter away, and left the unlit cig between his lips.
Oral fixation, but who knew?
Leaning on Gojyo's arm, and who was currently being prodded with Gojyo's elbow, was Son Goku. His sienna hair clung to the gold crown and brow. The crown, aside from suppressing the boy's demon powers, only added to the younger man's discomfort. He was also shirtless, or almost, finding not enough energy to take his white undershirt off. His red vest, brown cloak, and yellow scarf, however, had quickly found their way off the young man's body and onto the floorboards of the jeep. He wore jeans but no shoes, and propped his feet on the side of the jeep. He was in quite an uncomfortable position, laying half on Gojyo's prodding elbow and the jeep's hot seat, and half out of the jeep with his feet hitting every low branch they came across.
"Too hot," he groaned, rolling his head back to look at Gojyo.
"Don't look at me," Gojyo growled, "it isn't my fault."
"Sanzo!"
"Don't even start with me, Goku."
"What's that?" Hakkai interrupted, leaning closer to the jeep's windshield. Sanzo turned back around to see. They were about to enter a thick mist. Hakkai slowed down. Both men in front watched, careful and alert of any potential attackers.
They had good reason to be careful. The four of them were headed from China to India on two quests: to stop the resurrection of the demon lord Gyumaoh and to recover the five scrolls of Heaven and Earth, which Sanzo was expected to guard. Gyumaoh's minions had been attacking humans in almost every village Sanzo had visited so far. A few assassins were thrown in to kill Sanzo and his party as well. Going through a thick fog in the middle of a forest was almost always a trap, so the four - or at least the two in front that weren't complaining about anything - had to be careful.
"See anything?" Sanzo said.
"Nope." Hakkai removed his monocle and cleaned the condensation off with his shirttail. "Don't feel anything, either. Nothing out of place."
Sanzo turned to the backseat. "Goku, you smell anything strange?"
"Nothin' aside from Gojyo's armpit," the young man groaned.
"If you didn't have your head there, you stupid monkey, you wouldn't smell it, would you? Anyway, it smells better than your feet."
"Shut up, Gojyo, you can't even smell my feet. And quit calling me a stupid monkey!"
"Then get your head off of me! You're probably getting your little monkey lice all over me."
"Go jump in a lake. Oh, forgot. You can't swim." Goku gathered up enough strength to shoot Gojyo an arrogant grin.
That started it. Within another minute, they were arguing. Irritated, Sanzo swatted at them with his paper fan.
"Well," Hakkai grinned after his compatriot tucked the fan away, "if there are demons in here, they've heard us coming by now."
Sanzo groaned, crossing his arms and sinking into the seat. "Just hurry. Please."
~(~)~
Hakkai thanked the stars that silence could ever be so invigorating. Goku and Gojyo, despite their best efforts to keep arguing, had fallen asleep in the back seat. Even Sanzo had succumbed to the heat and was leaning against Hakkai's arm, dozing quietly. Hakkai admired Sanzo most when he slept. With three arguably docile demons to handle - himself, Goku, and Gojyo - and the fate of most the world on his shoulders, the priest always seemed to deserve his sleep more than others. He also looked the most at peace when he was sleeping. Sanzo was always filled with some sort of anxiety, be it due to himself or others. For Sanzo, sleep was a recession from the world taken most seriously.
The jeep slowed to a stop. Hesitantly, Hakkai nudged the sleeping priest. Sanzo stirred and gave a slight groan, but didn't move. Hakkai grinned affectionately and nudged the priest again.
"Sanzo, come on. Wake up. I've found something."
The priest slowly sat up, rubbed his eyes, stretched, yawned, and then turned to Hakkai.
"Hm?"
"Look."
Hakkai pointed to a spot in the fog. The bare outline of a building shadowed the white mist.
"Do you think we could stay there for the night? It's getting dark and I'm not going to be able to drive for much longer without rest."
"Looks fine," Sanzo yawned, rubbing his eyes.
Hakkai slowly pulled the jeep up to a high stone wall surrounding the house. Gojyo was awakened - Goku had to be dragged out - and the four unpacked the jeep.
"Okay, Hakuryu," Hakkai announced. The jeep glowed with a white light, then faded. All that remained was a tiny white dragon. It slumped to the ground in a curl, drained. Hakkai picked it up and placed it around his shoulders to rest.
"Poor Hakuryu," he cooed, patting the dragon on its tiny head. "He's probably the most exhausted of us all."
"Yeah, yeah. When do we get to eat?" Goku was awake now. Gojyo jokingly tugged the young man's hair.
"It's always about you, ain't it?"
A creak brought the boys' attention to the stone wall. A metal gate opened and a woman emerged from it. She smiled pleasantly at them, showing a few signs of age in her laugh lines. Her black hair, not a single strand of it graced with gray, was up in a bun, as a married woman would have it. Her face was quite young and beautiful.
Hakkai glanced over at Sanzo, but his head was bowed, expressionless. Musing at the great priest's leadership abilities, Hakkai stepped forward and smiled in greeting.
"Good evening, Ma'am. We're just a couple of travelers on our way out of this forest. Do you think you could spare us a room for the night?"
The woman's smile broadened. "Come on in."
"Suspicious," Sanzo whispered as he brushed past Hakkai.
~@*)~
"You're a godsend!" Goku praised through a mouthful of dim sum. The five sat in a circle around a low stone table, which was laid out with every sort of delicious food and drink available. Most of the food, however, was on Goku's side of the table.
"Thank you very much," the woman said, smiling and bowing her head gratefully.
Hakkai once again glanced at Sanzo. His head was still bowed; he hadn't touched his food or drink. He seemed a little unsettled, even for Sanzo.
"What brings you here, gentlemen?" the woman asked, turning to Hakkai.
"Oh, well, we're just passing through. Visiting our relatives in...ah...Xian."
"So you all are related?"
"Not quite." It wasn't exactly a lie; aside from Sanzo, they were all demons, and all demons were considered brothers, even those who had turned against their brethren and joined the humans.
"I see. Well, you all are welcome to stay here, but on one condition."
"Oh? What is that?" From the corner of his eye, Hakkai saw Sanzo flinch.
"Well, you see, I am a widow. My husband died many years ago and left me alone here with my three daughters."
From the corner of his other eye, Hakkai saw Gojyo perk. "Daughters?"
"Yes, and I'm proud to say I was blessed with triplets. They are all the same age and are all quite lovely. You see, I'm looking to marry them off, and -"
"And if we stay the night here, we'll have to marry your daughters?" It was Sanzo who interrupted. Everyone stared at him.
"E-exactly," the widow answered. Sanzo stood from the table.
"I'm sorry, but I can't put myself up to something like that."
The widow stood as well. "Look, I know you're a priest, but think about this: when my husband died, he left me about 2,000 acres of land, prime for farming or building or selling or whatever you'd like to do with it. He left me a fortune - over two hundred billion in coins, credit, and gold. Our family name is revered throughout China. Aside from that, each of my daughters is guaranteed a three million dowry. Think about what you could do with all that! You could live in luxury for the rest of your life!"
Hakkai frowned. Sanzo was right. This was suspicious.
"I'll have to agree with my friend, here," he said, standing beside Sanzo. "We'll have to decline your offer."
The widow sighed. "Well, if that's the way you feel, then I'm afraid I can't allow you to stay here for the night."
"That's fine," Sanzo said in a low voice. "Let's go, guys."
Leaving all this good food behind? Goku was heartbroken. "Aw, can't we stay just a little bit longer?"
"No. Get up."
Goku whined as he stood and followed the others to the door. Gojyo was about to stand and follow when the widow spoke again.
"It's just too bad. I need someone to look after my poor daughters and myself. We're alone out here in the middle of nowhere. I really wish there was someone who would stay."
Gojyo froze. He had been listening to all the riches the widow had promised, not to mention her daughters, who were probably all as hot as she was, and it tempted him greatly. Stay here, he'd be set for life. No more stupid Goku to annoy him. No more bigheaded Sanzo to boss him around. He'd be the king of four little hotties out in the middle of nowhere, where nothing could find him. Set for life.
He grinned his most enchanting grin. "Let me get back to you on that. I'll go talk to 'em and meet ya 'round the back of the house and tell ya my decision, okay?"
"Alright," said the widow, dabbing away a hint of tear from the corner of her eye.
~(~)~
"Totally suspicious," Hakkai agreed.
"But her cooking was so good!" Goku whimpered.
"You came, you saw, and you ate. What more do you want?" Sanzo sighed. "A little outdoor living can't be bad for us."
Hakkai smiled sympathetically. "It's either that or...well, you know."
"Where's Gojyo?"
"Here!" he called, emerging from the gates. "Sorry, man, just had to, you know, apologize for all you rude people."
Hakkai and Sanzo exchanged glances. Gojyo walked over to his luggage and took out a pack of cigarettes, popping one into his mouth. "So where we campin'?"
"About half a mile ahead of here," Hakkai said, stroking Hakuryu under the chin. "We'll have to walk, since poor Hakuryu is exhausted. It won't be that far."
"Yeah, that's fine," Gojyo said as though he hadn't been paying attention. He leaned against a tree and fished his pockets for his box of matches.
"I don't wanna walk." Goku plopped on the ground, sulking.
"Gojyo was right, wasn't he?" Hakkai grinned.
"Huh?"
"It's all about you, isn't it?"
"What do you expect?" said Sanzo, picking up his luggage. "He is a monkey."
They gathered everything, then began walking. No sooner were they past the widow's house when Gojyo spoke up.
"Hey, hold on."
Sanzo turned. "What?"
"I gotta pee. Will ya'll wait just a minute?"
"No. The sooner we set up camp, the better."
"Hey, I'll hurry, okay?" Gojyo didn't wait for a response, but instead ran off into the darkening fog.
"Are we ever going to see him again?" Hakkai asked.
"Unfortunately," Sanzo sighed, "we probably will."
~@*)~
"Back!" Gojyo panted as he approached the widow. She smiled as he approached and bowed respectfully. In the window behind her, he saw a glimpse of three female faces before they vanished from view.
Gojyo almost drooled. Luscious.
"The question is," the widow said, leading him into the house, "which one of my daughters do you think you'll want to marry? They're all equal in beauty."
She sighed heavily. "Oh, it's such a shame your friends couldn't come as well! I have been longing for a husband since my beloved Mo left this world!"
"Well," Gojyo shot one of his most seductive grins. "I guess I'll just have to marry all of you, then."
The widow laughed. "Oh, how vulgar! As much as I would like a handsome, young, strong man such as you, I simply cannot share a man with my daughters!"
"Ah, I guess you're right. Hey, maybe I could look at 'em and pick?"
"Oh, that won't do at all. My daughters are extremely shy, you see, and they're determined not to be seen until their wedding night!"
Wedding night. Gojyo had a difficult time shrugging off that nosebleed.
"How about this: I'll put you in a room, blindfolded, along with my daughters. Whichever one you touch first will be your bride."
He smirked. Reach low, Gojyo.
"What if I happen to touch all three of them?"
"Well, then, all three are yours."
"All I gotta say to that is let the games begin!"
With that, he was blindfolded and set loose in a room. He heard the three beauties giggling, but whenever he tried to go toward them, he ended up tripping over a bench or running into a table or knocking a vase on his foot. Walls, doors, low ceilings - Gojyo's poor body seemed to gravitate to every one of these things, but never any of the girls. Finally, when Gojyo had enough and was sure he'd twisted his ankle more than once on that stupid, stupid fireplace, he called out:
"Ma'am, this isn't working!"
"I'm sorry," the widow cooed, helping him off the ground and taking off the blindfold. "You see, the girls are a bit frightened by your great masculine appeal. They've requested me to try another way: Each of the girls will make a shirt made of silk. Whichever shirt fits you the best will be your bride."
"And if they all fit? Same thing applies?"
The widow nodded.
"Bring it on, baby! I'm ready!"
~(~)~
"Stupid water pixie. What the hell's taking him so long?"
"He's a water sprite, Goku, not a pixie. And keep walking. We're almost there."
Goku looked back one more time, then turned and followed Hakkai. He wouldn't admit it to the others, but he was a little worried about Gojyo. They had waited almost an hour and he hadn't come back, so the others had started walking. It was pretty heartless, he thought. What if he had to pee and got left behind? Would they leave him behind? What if he got lost and stumbled around for days and got attacked and was really cold or really hot and didn't have any bed to sleep on and had to sleep on rocks and dirt and bugs and didn't have any food -
"Guys!" he nearly shrieked. They turned.
"We gotta go back and get him, guys! Somethin's really wrong!"
"Duh," Sanzo scoffed. Goku gave him a confused look.
"We thought he might go back," Hakkai said with a grin. "But, you see, we thought it was a trap when she started telling us about all that stuff we would get."
"What stuff?" Goku asked innocently.
"Oh my. You missed the whole conversation?" Hakkai's grin turned into a nervous one.
"I was eatin'."
"Hakkai, we didn't have to worry about him in the first place," Sanzo said.
"I suppose not."
"Don't worry about Gojyo. Let him take care of himself."
~(~)~
Okay, this was going a bit too far. Gojyo held the shirt out in front of him and scowled. Had to use pink silk, didn't they? The embroidered flowers and vines around the collar...they weren't so bad, but embroidered kitties on the shirt pocket?
The widow frowned. "You don't like it?"
"Er...no, it's fine, just...I'm afraid I might rip it, since it's just a little bit of thin silk."
"Oh, you have nothing to worry about. My daughters are the best seamstresses around."
He managed a weak smile. "Great..."
"Go ahead, Mr. Gojyo. Try it on!"
Slowly, he unbuttoned the - Merciful Goddess, even the buttons were flowers! A shudder ran through his body as he slipped it on. Mm, felt good. Nice and soft. A little tight. Okay, a lot tight. Really tight.
Gojyo panicked and started to take it off. He reached for the buttons - disappeared! He tried to pull it over his head, but it was squeezing his chest so hard! Suddenly, the silk didn't feel like silk any more. It felt like...like...
"Vines!" he yelped. He was covered in them. In fact, the whole room was covered in them! This was no cozy cottage in the middle of a forest; this was an ancient ruin! And the widow -
"I wanted the priest," the widow spat through her forked tongue. She was now no longer human, but had changed into her demon form. Her torso was human (and female, Gojyo noted) but her lower half was a twisting and writhing mess of vines. She tied Gojyo's hands behind his back and wrapped coils of vines around his chest, then suspended him from a nearby tree.
"I guess I'll have to find him myself," she hissed.
"There's no need of that. I'm right here."
She turned. Sanzo stood not fifteen feet away, aiming a small pistol in the weed-demon's direction. Hakkai and Goku stood behind him, prepared for attack.
"But how? You left him behind!"
"We left him, but we weren't intending to leave him permanently," offered Hakkai, knowing that Sanzo would say nothing.
"How dare you interfere, traitors! You should be working with us, not against us!"
"Geez, it's like a broken record," Goku groaned, leaning on his fighting staff. "Every time we gotta fight one'a these guys, it's the same damn speech over and over again. 'Blah blah blah, fight with us or against us.' Can't you think of anything else to say?"
"Daughters!" the weed-demon screeched.
Goku blinked. "Well, that's a new - agh!"
The widow's daughters, actually smaller weed-demons, sprung up from the ground and ensnared the trio in their coils. Goku managed to bust a few vines with his body, but more immediately covered him up. In no time at all, the three were buried in coiled vines.
"Bring the priest to me!" the widow cried. The daughter holding Sanzo came forward and released, dumping the priest on the ground. He lay still for several moments, not breathing.
"Finally! As soon as I devour your body, Genjo Sanzo, nothing will be able to stop Lord Gyumaoh's revival!" The widow scooped up the lifeless priest in her coils, then raised him to her mouth, preparing to tear him apart. Instead of warm flesh and blood, she felt something cold and hard in her mouth.
BAM!
Sanzo stood and cocked the gun again. The weed-demon fell limp, then dissolved into the ground.
"Mother!" one of the daughters screamed. "How did you kill her with just a measly little pistol?"
"Honestly," Sanzo said, raising the gun again. "You'd think they'd teach demons to recognize a banishing gun when they saw one."
"Banishing gun?!" was all the daughter managed to say before she too was shot.
"How dare you!?" burst another daughter. Before Sanzo was able to reload, she was charging.
"Duck!" came Hakkai's voice, and Sanzo did, right before a huge fireball blasted the demon into oblivion.
"Hakkai. How did you get out?"
Hakkai smiled. "Simply, she had to unwrap me in order to attack you."
They both turned to the daughter that held Goku, but she was already writhing and screaming in agony.
"Ah, he's biting me! Stop, you brat!"
"I'm sure that doesn't taste good," Hakkai said, smiling nervously. Sanzo just raised his gun.
~(~)~
"Again."
"No way, man. I already said it twelve times!"
"Say it again. I wanna hear it again."
Gojyo sighed. "I'm sorry, okay?"
Goku spat out of the side of the jeep. "No good. I still got that taste in my mouth."
"Well, maybe if you'd brush your teeth every few years..."
"I do brush my teeth, you stupid pixie!"
"Pixie!? You little - "
Sanzo reached for his fan, but Hakkai stopped him. "Don't. Just let them enjoy each other's company in their own way."
"Fine."
Hakkai glanced over at his friend. "You know, maybe we should tell them the real reason why you refused."
Sanzo turned to the window side of the jeep and pretended he didn't hear. However, he couldn't hide the fact that his ears were turning bright red.
"Reason?" Goku piped, momentarily pausing his fight with Gojyo. "What real reason?"
"It isn't anything, Goku. Don't worry."
"Aw, c'mon! Don't hide stuff! What were you guys talkin' about?"
Hakkai smiled, chuckling. "Sorry, Goku, but that is a secret."
* First of all, I will not be held responsible if this is/will be similar to an actual episode in the series. This is based on a filler chapter called "The Temptation of Saint Pigsy" from the original Journey to the West, also called Xi You Ji or Hsi Yu Chi (pronounce it like Sai-yu-ki and you'll get it), by Wu Cheng'en. Thank Sephiroth for Chinese Lit, eh?
* Um, second of all, while there's no yaoi or outright shounen-ai, there is hinting, so if you're offended by that kinda stuff, why the hell are you still reading this?
* Third and last (you're thinking, "'bout time!"), all emails and reviews are welcome, especially complements, suggestions, and flames. Yes, flames.
* Oh, one more thing: I apologize in advance for the last line. DON'T LOOK AT IT YET! If you don't get the joke, just look up a man by the name of Akira Ishida. Or email me. Enjoy!
**********************************************
The Temptation of St. Gojyo
An adaptation
"Stupid monkey."
"Knock it off, Gojyo. Leave him alone."
"Yeah, sprite-boy, leave me alone."
The forest, for whatever reason, was boiling. The four inhabitants of the jeep were being steamed and stewed like a cabbage, and smelled slightly worse. Their illustrious leader, Great Priest Genjo Sanzo, sat shotgun next to the jeep's owner and driver, Cho Hakkai. The priest's holy scrolls, which were worn around his neck for religious symbolism and easy recognition, but now sat rolled up on top of the dashboard, were starting to crumple in the humidity. The priest, sweating from the heat, had removed his tawny outer vestments. His skintight black undershirt was not faring much better, and he had even gone so far as to remove his black armbands. He ran his fingers through his sandy blonde hair, wringing out most of the sweat that dampened it.
"There's no room in here for fighting, boys," he said to the two men in back. "It's too damn hot as it is."
Sanzo looked over at Hakkai, who seemed to be faring well through the heat, despite his layers upon layers of clothing. Hakkai wore a thick, long-sleeved, green shirt, khaki dress pants, and topped it all off with a white silk band that draped from left shoulder to right hip. Although his face was pouring sweat, his short brunette hair showed no signs of dampness. His monocle, which was attached to a nosepiece and placed before his right eye, was fogged up from humidity. Sitting side by side, Hakkai and Sanzo looked as though they had dropped from two different eras.
In the back seat sat a very uncomfortable Sha Gojyo and an even more uncomfortable - and therefore fidgety - Son Goku. Gojyo had taken the effort to tie his magenta hair in a ponytail, keeping it away from his neck. His long bangs, however, had slid out and served to cover his enchantingly tempting face. He was shirtless now, although he didn't regularly make a habit of wearing heavy clothes. The only things uncomfortable were his leather pants, and they only proved uncomfortable because they clung to his sweaty skin. He tried in desperation to light a cigarette, failed, threw the lighter away, and left the unlit cig between his lips.
Oral fixation, but who knew?
Leaning on Gojyo's arm, and who was currently being prodded with Gojyo's elbow, was Son Goku. His sienna hair clung to the gold crown and brow. The crown, aside from suppressing the boy's demon powers, only added to the younger man's discomfort. He was also shirtless, or almost, finding not enough energy to take his white undershirt off. His red vest, brown cloak, and yellow scarf, however, had quickly found their way off the young man's body and onto the floorboards of the jeep. He wore jeans but no shoes, and propped his feet on the side of the jeep. He was in quite an uncomfortable position, laying half on Gojyo's prodding elbow and the jeep's hot seat, and half out of the jeep with his feet hitting every low branch they came across.
"Too hot," he groaned, rolling his head back to look at Gojyo.
"Don't look at me," Gojyo growled, "it isn't my fault."
"Sanzo!"
"Don't even start with me, Goku."
"What's that?" Hakkai interrupted, leaning closer to the jeep's windshield. Sanzo turned back around to see. They were about to enter a thick mist. Hakkai slowed down. Both men in front watched, careful and alert of any potential attackers.
They had good reason to be careful. The four of them were headed from China to India on two quests: to stop the resurrection of the demon lord Gyumaoh and to recover the five scrolls of Heaven and Earth, which Sanzo was expected to guard. Gyumaoh's minions had been attacking humans in almost every village Sanzo had visited so far. A few assassins were thrown in to kill Sanzo and his party as well. Going through a thick fog in the middle of a forest was almost always a trap, so the four - or at least the two in front that weren't complaining about anything - had to be careful.
"See anything?" Sanzo said.
"Nope." Hakkai removed his monocle and cleaned the condensation off with his shirttail. "Don't feel anything, either. Nothing out of place."
Sanzo turned to the backseat. "Goku, you smell anything strange?"
"Nothin' aside from Gojyo's armpit," the young man groaned.
"If you didn't have your head there, you stupid monkey, you wouldn't smell it, would you? Anyway, it smells better than your feet."
"Shut up, Gojyo, you can't even smell my feet. And quit calling me a stupid monkey!"
"Then get your head off of me! You're probably getting your little monkey lice all over me."
"Go jump in a lake. Oh, forgot. You can't swim." Goku gathered up enough strength to shoot Gojyo an arrogant grin.
That started it. Within another minute, they were arguing. Irritated, Sanzo swatted at them with his paper fan.
"Well," Hakkai grinned after his compatriot tucked the fan away, "if there are demons in here, they've heard us coming by now."
Sanzo groaned, crossing his arms and sinking into the seat. "Just hurry. Please."
~(~)~
Hakkai thanked the stars that silence could ever be so invigorating. Goku and Gojyo, despite their best efforts to keep arguing, had fallen asleep in the back seat. Even Sanzo had succumbed to the heat and was leaning against Hakkai's arm, dozing quietly. Hakkai admired Sanzo most when he slept. With three arguably docile demons to handle - himself, Goku, and Gojyo - and the fate of most the world on his shoulders, the priest always seemed to deserve his sleep more than others. He also looked the most at peace when he was sleeping. Sanzo was always filled with some sort of anxiety, be it due to himself or others. For Sanzo, sleep was a recession from the world taken most seriously.
The jeep slowed to a stop. Hesitantly, Hakkai nudged the sleeping priest. Sanzo stirred and gave a slight groan, but didn't move. Hakkai grinned affectionately and nudged the priest again.
"Sanzo, come on. Wake up. I've found something."
The priest slowly sat up, rubbed his eyes, stretched, yawned, and then turned to Hakkai.
"Hm?"
"Look."
Hakkai pointed to a spot in the fog. The bare outline of a building shadowed the white mist.
"Do you think we could stay there for the night? It's getting dark and I'm not going to be able to drive for much longer without rest."
"Looks fine," Sanzo yawned, rubbing his eyes.
Hakkai slowly pulled the jeep up to a high stone wall surrounding the house. Gojyo was awakened - Goku had to be dragged out - and the four unpacked the jeep.
"Okay, Hakuryu," Hakkai announced. The jeep glowed with a white light, then faded. All that remained was a tiny white dragon. It slumped to the ground in a curl, drained. Hakkai picked it up and placed it around his shoulders to rest.
"Poor Hakuryu," he cooed, patting the dragon on its tiny head. "He's probably the most exhausted of us all."
"Yeah, yeah. When do we get to eat?" Goku was awake now. Gojyo jokingly tugged the young man's hair.
"It's always about you, ain't it?"
A creak brought the boys' attention to the stone wall. A metal gate opened and a woman emerged from it. She smiled pleasantly at them, showing a few signs of age in her laugh lines. Her black hair, not a single strand of it graced with gray, was up in a bun, as a married woman would have it. Her face was quite young and beautiful.
Hakkai glanced over at Sanzo, but his head was bowed, expressionless. Musing at the great priest's leadership abilities, Hakkai stepped forward and smiled in greeting.
"Good evening, Ma'am. We're just a couple of travelers on our way out of this forest. Do you think you could spare us a room for the night?"
The woman's smile broadened. "Come on in."
"Suspicious," Sanzo whispered as he brushed past Hakkai.
~@*)~
"You're a godsend!" Goku praised through a mouthful of dim sum. The five sat in a circle around a low stone table, which was laid out with every sort of delicious food and drink available. Most of the food, however, was on Goku's side of the table.
"Thank you very much," the woman said, smiling and bowing her head gratefully.
Hakkai once again glanced at Sanzo. His head was still bowed; he hadn't touched his food or drink. He seemed a little unsettled, even for Sanzo.
"What brings you here, gentlemen?" the woman asked, turning to Hakkai.
"Oh, well, we're just passing through. Visiting our relatives in...ah...Xian."
"So you all are related?"
"Not quite." It wasn't exactly a lie; aside from Sanzo, they were all demons, and all demons were considered brothers, even those who had turned against their brethren and joined the humans.
"I see. Well, you all are welcome to stay here, but on one condition."
"Oh? What is that?" From the corner of his eye, Hakkai saw Sanzo flinch.
"Well, you see, I am a widow. My husband died many years ago and left me alone here with my three daughters."
From the corner of his other eye, Hakkai saw Gojyo perk. "Daughters?"
"Yes, and I'm proud to say I was blessed with triplets. They are all the same age and are all quite lovely. You see, I'm looking to marry them off, and -"
"And if we stay the night here, we'll have to marry your daughters?" It was Sanzo who interrupted. Everyone stared at him.
"E-exactly," the widow answered. Sanzo stood from the table.
"I'm sorry, but I can't put myself up to something like that."
The widow stood as well. "Look, I know you're a priest, but think about this: when my husband died, he left me about 2,000 acres of land, prime for farming or building or selling or whatever you'd like to do with it. He left me a fortune - over two hundred billion in coins, credit, and gold. Our family name is revered throughout China. Aside from that, each of my daughters is guaranteed a three million dowry. Think about what you could do with all that! You could live in luxury for the rest of your life!"
Hakkai frowned. Sanzo was right. This was suspicious.
"I'll have to agree with my friend, here," he said, standing beside Sanzo. "We'll have to decline your offer."
The widow sighed. "Well, if that's the way you feel, then I'm afraid I can't allow you to stay here for the night."
"That's fine," Sanzo said in a low voice. "Let's go, guys."
Leaving all this good food behind? Goku was heartbroken. "Aw, can't we stay just a little bit longer?"
"No. Get up."
Goku whined as he stood and followed the others to the door. Gojyo was about to stand and follow when the widow spoke again.
"It's just too bad. I need someone to look after my poor daughters and myself. We're alone out here in the middle of nowhere. I really wish there was someone who would stay."
Gojyo froze. He had been listening to all the riches the widow had promised, not to mention her daughters, who were probably all as hot as she was, and it tempted him greatly. Stay here, he'd be set for life. No more stupid Goku to annoy him. No more bigheaded Sanzo to boss him around. He'd be the king of four little hotties out in the middle of nowhere, where nothing could find him. Set for life.
He grinned his most enchanting grin. "Let me get back to you on that. I'll go talk to 'em and meet ya 'round the back of the house and tell ya my decision, okay?"
"Alright," said the widow, dabbing away a hint of tear from the corner of her eye.
~(~)~
"Totally suspicious," Hakkai agreed.
"But her cooking was so good!" Goku whimpered.
"You came, you saw, and you ate. What more do you want?" Sanzo sighed. "A little outdoor living can't be bad for us."
Hakkai smiled sympathetically. "It's either that or...well, you know."
"Where's Gojyo?"
"Here!" he called, emerging from the gates. "Sorry, man, just had to, you know, apologize for all you rude people."
Hakkai and Sanzo exchanged glances. Gojyo walked over to his luggage and took out a pack of cigarettes, popping one into his mouth. "So where we campin'?"
"About half a mile ahead of here," Hakkai said, stroking Hakuryu under the chin. "We'll have to walk, since poor Hakuryu is exhausted. It won't be that far."
"Yeah, that's fine," Gojyo said as though he hadn't been paying attention. He leaned against a tree and fished his pockets for his box of matches.
"I don't wanna walk." Goku plopped on the ground, sulking.
"Gojyo was right, wasn't he?" Hakkai grinned.
"Huh?"
"It's all about you, isn't it?"
"What do you expect?" said Sanzo, picking up his luggage. "He is a monkey."
They gathered everything, then began walking. No sooner were they past the widow's house when Gojyo spoke up.
"Hey, hold on."
Sanzo turned. "What?"
"I gotta pee. Will ya'll wait just a minute?"
"No. The sooner we set up camp, the better."
"Hey, I'll hurry, okay?" Gojyo didn't wait for a response, but instead ran off into the darkening fog.
"Are we ever going to see him again?" Hakkai asked.
"Unfortunately," Sanzo sighed, "we probably will."
~@*)~
"Back!" Gojyo panted as he approached the widow. She smiled as he approached and bowed respectfully. In the window behind her, he saw a glimpse of three female faces before they vanished from view.
Gojyo almost drooled. Luscious.
"The question is," the widow said, leading him into the house, "which one of my daughters do you think you'll want to marry? They're all equal in beauty."
She sighed heavily. "Oh, it's such a shame your friends couldn't come as well! I have been longing for a husband since my beloved Mo left this world!"
"Well," Gojyo shot one of his most seductive grins. "I guess I'll just have to marry all of you, then."
The widow laughed. "Oh, how vulgar! As much as I would like a handsome, young, strong man such as you, I simply cannot share a man with my daughters!"
"Ah, I guess you're right. Hey, maybe I could look at 'em and pick?"
"Oh, that won't do at all. My daughters are extremely shy, you see, and they're determined not to be seen until their wedding night!"
Wedding night. Gojyo had a difficult time shrugging off that nosebleed.
"How about this: I'll put you in a room, blindfolded, along with my daughters. Whichever one you touch first will be your bride."
He smirked. Reach low, Gojyo.
"What if I happen to touch all three of them?"
"Well, then, all three are yours."
"All I gotta say to that is let the games begin!"
With that, he was blindfolded and set loose in a room. He heard the three beauties giggling, but whenever he tried to go toward them, he ended up tripping over a bench or running into a table or knocking a vase on his foot. Walls, doors, low ceilings - Gojyo's poor body seemed to gravitate to every one of these things, but never any of the girls. Finally, when Gojyo had enough and was sure he'd twisted his ankle more than once on that stupid, stupid fireplace, he called out:
"Ma'am, this isn't working!"
"I'm sorry," the widow cooed, helping him off the ground and taking off the blindfold. "You see, the girls are a bit frightened by your great masculine appeal. They've requested me to try another way: Each of the girls will make a shirt made of silk. Whichever shirt fits you the best will be your bride."
"And if they all fit? Same thing applies?"
The widow nodded.
"Bring it on, baby! I'm ready!"
~(~)~
"Stupid water pixie. What the hell's taking him so long?"
"He's a water sprite, Goku, not a pixie. And keep walking. We're almost there."
Goku looked back one more time, then turned and followed Hakkai. He wouldn't admit it to the others, but he was a little worried about Gojyo. They had waited almost an hour and he hadn't come back, so the others had started walking. It was pretty heartless, he thought. What if he had to pee and got left behind? Would they leave him behind? What if he got lost and stumbled around for days and got attacked and was really cold or really hot and didn't have any bed to sleep on and had to sleep on rocks and dirt and bugs and didn't have any food -
"Guys!" he nearly shrieked. They turned.
"We gotta go back and get him, guys! Somethin's really wrong!"
"Duh," Sanzo scoffed. Goku gave him a confused look.
"We thought he might go back," Hakkai said with a grin. "But, you see, we thought it was a trap when she started telling us about all that stuff we would get."
"What stuff?" Goku asked innocently.
"Oh my. You missed the whole conversation?" Hakkai's grin turned into a nervous one.
"I was eatin'."
"Hakkai, we didn't have to worry about him in the first place," Sanzo said.
"I suppose not."
"Don't worry about Gojyo. Let him take care of himself."
~(~)~
Okay, this was going a bit too far. Gojyo held the shirt out in front of him and scowled. Had to use pink silk, didn't they? The embroidered flowers and vines around the collar...they weren't so bad, but embroidered kitties on the shirt pocket?
The widow frowned. "You don't like it?"
"Er...no, it's fine, just...I'm afraid I might rip it, since it's just a little bit of thin silk."
"Oh, you have nothing to worry about. My daughters are the best seamstresses around."
He managed a weak smile. "Great..."
"Go ahead, Mr. Gojyo. Try it on!"
Slowly, he unbuttoned the - Merciful Goddess, even the buttons were flowers! A shudder ran through his body as he slipped it on. Mm, felt good. Nice and soft. A little tight. Okay, a lot tight. Really tight.
Gojyo panicked and started to take it off. He reached for the buttons - disappeared! He tried to pull it over his head, but it was squeezing his chest so hard! Suddenly, the silk didn't feel like silk any more. It felt like...like...
"Vines!" he yelped. He was covered in them. In fact, the whole room was covered in them! This was no cozy cottage in the middle of a forest; this was an ancient ruin! And the widow -
"I wanted the priest," the widow spat through her forked tongue. She was now no longer human, but had changed into her demon form. Her torso was human (and female, Gojyo noted) but her lower half was a twisting and writhing mess of vines. She tied Gojyo's hands behind his back and wrapped coils of vines around his chest, then suspended him from a nearby tree.
"I guess I'll have to find him myself," she hissed.
"There's no need of that. I'm right here."
She turned. Sanzo stood not fifteen feet away, aiming a small pistol in the weed-demon's direction. Hakkai and Goku stood behind him, prepared for attack.
"But how? You left him behind!"
"We left him, but we weren't intending to leave him permanently," offered Hakkai, knowing that Sanzo would say nothing.
"How dare you interfere, traitors! You should be working with us, not against us!"
"Geez, it's like a broken record," Goku groaned, leaning on his fighting staff. "Every time we gotta fight one'a these guys, it's the same damn speech over and over again. 'Blah blah blah, fight with us or against us.' Can't you think of anything else to say?"
"Daughters!" the weed-demon screeched.
Goku blinked. "Well, that's a new - agh!"
The widow's daughters, actually smaller weed-demons, sprung up from the ground and ensnared the trio in their coils. Goku managed to bust a few vines with his body, but more immediately covered him up. In no time at all, the three were buried in coiled vines.
"Bring the priest to me!" the widow cried. The daughter holding Sanzo came forward and released, dumping the priest on the ground. He lay still for several moments, not breathing.
"Finally! As soon as I devour your body, Genjo Sanzo, nothing will be able to stop Lord Gyumaoh's revival!" The widow scooped up the lifeless priest in her coils, then raised him to her mouth, preparing to tear him apart. Instead of warm flesh and blood, she felt something cold and hard in her mouth.
BAM!
Sanzo stood and cocked the gun again. The weed-demon fell limp, then dissolved into the ground.
"Mother!" one of the daughters screamed. "How did you kill her with just a measly little pistol?"
"Honestly," Sanzo said, raising the gun again. "You'd think they'd teach demons to recognize a banishing gun when they saw one."
"Banishing gun?!" was all the daughter managed to say before she too was shot.
"How dare you!?" burst another daughter. Before Sanzo was able to reload, she was charging.
"Duck!" came Hakkai's voice, and Sanzo did, right before a huge fireball blasted the demon into oblivion.
"Hakkai. How did you get out?"
Hakkai smiled. "Simply, she had to unwrap me in order to attack you."
They both turned to the daughter that held Goku, but she was already writhing and screaming in agony.
"Ah, he's biting me! Stop, you brat!"
"I'm sure that doesn't taste good," Hakkai said, smiling nervously. Sanzo just raised his gun.
~(~)~
"Again."
"No way, man. I already said it twelve times!"
"Say it again. I wanna hear it again."
Gojyo sighed. "I'm sorry, okay?"
Goku spat out of the side of the jeep. "No good. I still got that taste in my mouth."
"Well, maybe if you'd brush your teeth every few years..."
"I do brush my teeth, you stupid pixie!"
"Pixie!? You little - "
Sanzo reached for his fan, but Hakkai stopped him. "Don't. Just let them enjoy each other's company in their own way."
"Fine."
Hakkai glanced over at his friend. "You know, maybe we should tell them the real reason why you refused."
Sanzo turned to the window side of the jeep and pretended he didn't hear. However, he couldn't hide the fact that his ears were turning bright red.
"Reason?" Goku piped, momentarily pausing his fight with Gojyo. "What real reason?"
"It isn't anything, Goku. Don't worry."
"Aw, c'mon! Don't hide stuff! What were you guys talkin' about?"
Hakkai smiled, chuckling. "Sorry, Goku, but that is a secret."