A/N: I was up all night last night with food poisoning (ick) and decided to do something productive in between times when the lining was ripping out of my stomach… so I wrote Chapters 5, 6, and part of 7 in my spiral in bed. Yay. Anyway, the penguins have gone insane, as you will see. I got the Chicago soundtrack!!! (My get well present to myself…)
Disclaimer: I do not own HP related characters. I do not own Disturbed's "Droppin' Plates." I do own a CD with the song on it. And a very bad case of food poisoning. My mom gave me some kind of name for it (she's a nurse)… it sounded like she said gigabyte…
Chapter 5: Journey to Hogwarts
Lilith and Rory woke up two mornings later full of excitement. Today they were finally going to Hogwarts! And it wasn't often that they got to don Muggle clothing instead of their usual Celtic raiment.
Lilith put on a short red and black plaid skirt with safety pins holding the pleats together, a black tight baby tee that said "DISTUBED: THE SICKNESS" on the front, and black tap shoes. She then parted her hair into two ponytails, tying each one off with a gothic Hello Kitty shoelace.
Rory, on the other hand, was wearing "skater" pants, big enough to cloth the entire Snape family… at the same time. These "BIG pants", as she liked to refer to them, had little glittery pink hearts all over them. She was also wearing a pink tight baby tee, with KORN written on it in baby blue. She tied her two ponytails off with bright blue and pink My Little Pony shoelaces. On her feet she wore what looked to Muggles like roller blades. These "roller blades" didn't actually "roll." They hovered, hence the name "Hover Blades."
When they were done getting dressed, they hurried downstairs, where their attire shocked everyone but their mother, whom was wearing a Cabaret dress.
"Well, I suspect our clothing will fuel your father's rage enough," remarked Vicious, approving.
"Do you three like making Severus angry?" Molly asked.
"Of course. He's funny when he gets all hissy," all three Snape women replied at once.
"Hissy?" asked Fred and George.
"Yes," said Vicious.
"Hissy," Lilith added.
"He growls," Rory said.
"And then I say 'Who's my puppy?'" Vicious put in, laughing.
"Which just makes him growl even more," Lilith said.
"And we all laugh at him until he starts barking," Rory finished.
All three women fell into a fit of evil laughter, which soon turned into high-pitched giggling.
An hour later, the Weasleys and the Snapes were on Platform 9 ¾ waiting to board the Hogwarts Express.
"Now you, all of you be good," Molly said as she waved goodbye to everyone.
"We will," they all replied, some serious, and some… not so serious.
"Oh, and Vici… do look after them, won't you?" Molly added.
"Sure thing, Molly!" Vicious said with an evil grin.
Molly disappeared through the wall, and Vicious turned to the bunch of dunderheads beside her.
"All right listen up, you MONKEYS! I'm going to sit up front. I want everyone's solemn word that you will raise hell all the way to Hogwarts," she said.
"Yeah, sure Mum," replied Lilith and Rory, while the Weasleys, Hermione, and Harry yelled, "What?!?!"
Vicious just walked off.
"Hey Mum! You've still got my Jacks! How do you expect me to raise hell without my Jacks, goddamnit!" Rory shouted after her.
"Okay fine, take your stupid Jacks, ya punk ass!" Vicious yelled back, laughing as she threw the Jacks to her daughter.
"Be-yotch!" Rory and Lilith yelled back at her, as they boarded the train.
"OH MY GOD!" yelled Ron.
"Who's God?" asked Lilith and Rory.
"I don't know… it just seemed appropriate at the time…" he replied.
With that, they settled in and waited for the trolley witch.
All of a sudden, a short and thin pixie with the bright red hair and green cat's eyes, that are the telling trait amongst pixies, appeared with a pop and begun singing, "I want my baby back! I want my baby back! Chiiiliii's baby back ribs… barbeque sauce," in her incredibly high-pitched pixie voice.
"Um Ebony, why are you here?" Lilith asked.
"I don't know… Goodbye!" Ebony replied, and disappeared with another pop.
"Okay…" said Rory.
Not long after that Neville Longbottom showed up at the door.
"Can I sit with you guys?" he asked.
"Um, Neville, I really don't think there's room… we already have seven people in here," Hermione replied.
"Oh," he said disappointedly, and started to walk away.
"Hey!" yelled Rory. "Be nice to him! He's cute!"
"Yes ma'am!" everyone replied, knowing the wrath of Rory.
With that, Rory got up and ran to the front of the train to bug the prefects.
Seconds later, they heard several screams and Rory showed back up at their compartment with several pairs of boxers in hand.
"Oh, oh, I want the ones that say 'My wand is bigger than yours!' on the back!" Lilith yelled.
Rory threw the pair to Lilith, who asked, "Whose are these anyway?"
"Draco Malfoy's," replied Rory.
"Blackmail material! Score! Wait a minute… his wand… BIG? Yeah right! He's part veela!" Lilith yelled, as everyone else snickered.
"Hey Harry, aren't you glad we decided not to sit with the prefects?" Hermione asked.
"Well, it wouldn't have made any difference, seeing as I'm not wearing any underwear," he answered.
A shocked gasp rose from everyone except Lilith and Rory, who said, "Ooooh!!! SEXY!"
Fred decided to take this moment to show off his tidy whities, hoping to get an "Ooooh!!! SEXY!" out of Lilith and Rory in his respect. Luckily for everyone, the trolley witch showed up.
When everyone had stockpiled on candy and other such things filled with sugar, everyone stared at Lilith. She was eating a Chocolate Frog in a very strange fashion. First she ate the limbs, one by one, nibble by nibble, then the body, and around its head, making it suffer through to the very last bite.
"What ARE you doing?" Ron asked.
"She's torturing it," Rory replied calmly.
"It's fun to torture them because they actually move, unlike Animal Crackers, or Gummi Bears, or Teddy Grahams… they're Muggle snacks. It's like the frogs are alive and saying 'No! Please don't eat me! Ouch! That hurts!'" Lilith said.
Everyone except Rory stared at her blankly.
"What can I say? I'm a sadistic bitch," Lilith said, apparently thinking that these words justified her actions.
With that, Ebony popped in again, just long enough to sing, "Barbeque saaaaauce…" in a surprisingly deep voice for a pixie. And then she was gone again.
Next thing everyone knew, Lilith and Rory were in the hallway singing a very strange song that no one in the compartment had ever heard.
"You said it couldn't be done
Told me it's the kind of battle that just couldn't be won
You know
You're too sick, too hard, too fucked in the head
You'll never make it, no
Not in this lifetime
Well guess again my friend
Don't act surprised
We got the bass drum kick that will blow out your eyes, punk
Puttin' thoughts in your mind and droppin' plates on your ass…
Said here I come, I'm droppin' plates, said I'm droppin plates!
Plates on your ass bitch, plates on your ass!"
Hermione looked up at them, shocked, and asked, "What was that?"
"Disturbed," Rory replied.
"We did tell Mum that we would raise Hell. MWAAAAAAHH!!!" Lilith said, as flames rose up around herself and Rory, and then disappeared.
"And Hell we rose. Let's go scare first-years!" Rory yelled.
"Okie dokie on the okefanokie, pokie wokie," Lilith replied.
"Food poisoning from El Plato de Oro in Jacksonville… don't ever eat there," Harry mused.
Luckily for all involved, the insane trip to Hogwarts was soon over.
And now, back to the reality of the plotline. (Scary thing isn't it?)
A/N: Uhhhh… yeah… told ya the plot penguins went insane… cookies to reviewers…
Dark Queen of Roses: Okie you're in there. Don't ask about the Chili's thing though, I have no idea where it came from. I pretty much just write whatever comes into my head, unless I already had something in mind beforehand. And this chapter was all spontaneity. And the penguins escaped with a deck of rather risqué playing cards! (Got that from the new movie with Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson, Shanghai Knights)
Kippinator: Thanks! *serves up the next chapter* And even though the next chapter is also just as insane as this one… it's still important to the plot line!
R&R Neeeeeeed reviews!