A/N: Ok well on these next two chapters the rating is gonna be borderline PG-13 and R. Sorry… but it's only for the next two chapters. If that's not your cup of tea, then trust me, if you choose to skip over these next two chapters, you're not missing any of the plotline. These next two chapters could stand alone if I wanted them to. They're both just complete madness. I've also decided to start using theme songs for each chapter. I've discovered that when I'm reading a fic that has a theme song, it really helps me get into the mindset. So, yeah. The theme song for this chapter is Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix, and the lyrics are below the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah I don't own a thing. I'm just a penniless writer/college student/actress person. So it wouldn't even cover your lawyer and courtroom fees to sue me.
Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix:
Foxy
Foxy
You know you're a cute little heartbreaker
Foxy
You know you're a sweet little lovemaker
Foxy
I wanna take you home
I won't do you no harm, no
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Ooh, foxy lady
I see you, heh, on down on the scene
Foxy
You make me wanna get up and scream
Foxy
Ah, baby listen now
I've made up my mind
I'm tired of wasting all my precious time
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Foxy lady
Here I come
I'm gonna take you home
I won't do you no harm, no
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Here I come
I'm comin' to get ya
Foxy lady
You look so good
Yeah, foxy
Yeah, give us some
Foxy
Yeah, get it, babe
You make me feel like
Feel like sayin' foxy
Foxy
Foxy lady
Foxy lady
Chapter 9: Boobs, Butts, and Legs, OH MY!
Severus Snape stood up in front of his desk in the Potions classroom and looked at the students in front of him. They were the Slytherin Quidditch team, which consisted of his best students and one of his daughters.
"Let's recap. What's the plan?" he said.
"We slip the Geschlect-Schaltung Potion into everyone's goblet of pumpkin juice," Draco Malfoy replied in a bored tone.
Snape glared at Draco and thundered, "Everyone? Everyone except WHOM?"
"Everyone except Lilith. Gods Daddy, take a chill pill!" Rory said and led the way to the Great Hall singing her own rendition of "Ice Ice Baby."
They were going to the Great Hall for breakfast before anyone else, to pull the prank of the century. Even the Weasley twins couldn't come up with something this good.
Severus had finally succeeded in brewing a Gryffindor-sized batch of Geschlect-Schaltung Potion, a rather powerful Gender-Switching potion that would transform its consumer into the opposite sex for an undetermined amount of time. Fortunately for the victim, this potion would not leave the poor soul like that for forever.
The Quidditch team and their Head of House hurried with their task and then ran back to the dungeons. Breakfast would begin in fifteen minutes and they did NOT want to be the first ones there.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Gryffindors (and Charlie Weasley, whom sat with his family every morning for breakfast) were chattering happily. It was a Saturday morning and Saturdays were generally cheerful. Plus, the pumpkin juice was even better than usual this morning.
Ron dropped his form into his lap and looked down to retrieve it. What he saw came as quite a shock.
"Hmmmm…. I didn't have those this morning," he mused. "But they are quite nice and perky."
He looked over ate his brothers.
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn… Charlie… George… you ladies are hot stuff! Fred… you just look slutty and ugly," he exclaimed.
The guys (excuse me… girls) just looked at him... her, bewildered.
"Well…. Charlie, you got a nice rack. If I were straight and you weren't my… sister… You'd be getting some of the Ronnie-sized loving right now. And George, you got this whole sultry, seductive, but angelic, look going on. But Fred, you just look like a washed-up drag queen that's been to Hell and back."
Soon, the rest of the Gryffindors were discovering their changes. The entire Gryffindor "male" population was wearing skirts! And as it turns out, Cho Chang had quite a bit more competition, as many of the former guys made some damn fine girls.
Rory got up and walked over to the Gryffindor table.
"This `looks like fun!" she said, taking a long drink of Ron's pumpkin juice.
She sat on the table and waited for… thinks… to change.
In the meantime, Blaise Zabini walked over to the Gryffindor table.
He knew that Draco had an all-consuming crush on Ron Weasley. And Blaise was head over heels for Pansy Parkinson, who, in turn, was in love with Draco. It was all Draco's fault, damn it all to hell. (Yes it was all very confusing, and Blaise has weird logic.) But now, the Ron had a nice, tight ghetto booty. Those curves were killer. All this just made it easier for Blaise to carry out his revenge.
Blaise took Ron's hand and swept him… er… her… into a deep bow. He was about to kiss "her", when Draco appeared in front of them, grabbed Ron, and yelled, "MINE! Get your own redhead!" He then passionately kissed "her".
Severus then yelled, "Damn it! I lost the bet! They were supposed to publicly display their affections after a drastic life-saving heroic act that involved Volde... You-Know-Who!"
"You know the terms puppy," Vicious said sweetly.
Severus glowered and pouted… at the same time.
"Oh puppy, quit your barking and get on with it," Vicious said, suppressing hysterical laughter.
"FINE!" he yelled, and stood atop the table.
"Vicious banged her glass with a spoon and Severus began to cheerfully sing "I'm a Little Teapot", hand motions and all.
"I'm a little teapot,
Short and stout!
Here is my handle,
Here is my spout!
When I get all steamed up,
` Hear me shout:
Eeeeeeeeee!!!
TIP me over and pour me out!"
Severus then sat down, buried his face in his hands, and said "I am so embarrassed."
By this time, Rory had turned into a six-foot tall blonde guy with German features. She… no, he… was hot enough to give James Marsters a run for his money.
Lilith giggled and looked around herself.
//Hm…that Tim Burr makes one hell of a woman…if only I were a lesbian!// she thought.
"I wanna be a guy too!" Lilith whined.
"Well, duh! Drink someone's Pumpkin juice," Rory replied.
"Okie dokie!" Lilith said happily, and chugged down the remainder of George's juice.
Severus looked up and lamented, "Nooooo!!!"
"Oh shut it Daddy," Lilith said and stuck her tongue out at him.
"Just think of it this way… we'll be like the sons you never had for an indefinite amount of time," Rory added.
Severus nodded in agreement and went back to eating his breakfast, wondering how much his two sons could manage to get into.
Lilith sat back and watched Rory waltz with Neville (who bore a remarkable resemblance to Marilyn Monroe) while waiting for the Potion to take effect.
Roughly five minutes later, in Lilith's place there sat a young man, strikingly reminiscent of Severus Snape. He had shoulder-length black hair with blue streaks, sharp angled features, and sexy ivory skin. He had the underfed rock star look, but it was just as becoming as the German's muscles and tan. This was what Severus Snape had most certainly looked like when he was seventeen years old.
Lilith looked over to Rory and smiled an evil grin.
"You know, I've always wondered what its like to stand up to take a pee…" she said.
"Let's go find out!" Rory replied excitedly.
The two ran out of the hall to begin a whole new adventure.
Ron then looked over to Hermione.
"My boobs are bigger than yours," he said.
"Yeah, so? My Mr. Winkie is bigger than yours," she replied nonchalantly.
They both nodded in agreement and finished their meal.
A/N: That was pure madness. And the next chapter is all insanity. But after that… I promise that I will bring the plotline back. Ok and now cookies for the reviewers:
Elfmoon87: Wow, thanks! I do like writing plot, but it's a little bit more difficult after being funny all the time. And being funny just comes easier to me. Being evil rocks! Thanks for being such a faithful reviewer, and I hope to continue entertaining you!
Dark Queen of Roses: Quite alright. Okay, Harry's all yours. I think he's rather hot actually, even though he can be an ass at times. (Not Dan Radcliffe though… he's WAY too young for me.) The human form of Ebony will be coming in soon. I promise. Thanks, and keep reading!