The Diary

By Nirvana

A/N: In this chapter, Draco is kind of like talking to Ginny… it would have a bigger impact that way… Italicized words are diary entries, and the rest is Draco talking to Virginia.

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Chapter 10 – Dear Diary

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Should I do this, Virginia? Should I read your diary? I wouldn't want to pry in your private affairs, but I feel that all answers to my endless questions would be answered here… forgive me, Virginia, if what I do is not to your liking… I'm going to read your diary, Gin. I love you…

Dear Diary,

My best friend gave me this diary to fill my thoughts in. Jesus, he's so sweet! I don't know why my brothers don't like him that much – he's a really good person. Draco knows me all too well; he knows I love writing but I'm traumatized after that incident in first year. I can't believe he'd go through all the trouble to check for harmful and dangerous spells just for me…

I caught Harry kissing Madison yesterday. God, it hurts. I would have taken it better if it wasn't Madison he was necking. And to think that they were getting it on – right in my house! Can't they be ashamed, diary? But then… I know I can't be a hypocrite. I should have told Harry that I was falling for my best friend…

A hypocrite and Potter's ex,

Gin

You were falling for me? Oh Virginia, if only you had an idea how I felt… You better believe that I'd go through all the trouble just to make you safe, Virginia… I would kill a million dragons if it can save you… I'd risk my life for you, Virginia… Because I love you…

Dear Diary,

I lied to my brothers. I told them that I broke up with Harry. I know I should have told them the truth – but I can't help it! Deep down, I still love Harry. Then, there's this issue about Draco. I really think I'm falling for him. I have no idea if he feels the same way, he's so sweet and loving. But that's how he always was towards me, I think he just loves me as a friend – nothing more, nothing less.

Falling for her best friend,

Gin

Why did you have to misunderstand my actions, Virginia? I only acted like that towards you… I was never sweet, or loving to anyone before… only you… Only you, Virginia… Because I love you…

Dear Diary,

Yipee! I'm a graduate! I'm a graduate! Yahoo! Anyway, it feels so good to know that you have no more Snape, McGonagall and Filch to ruin your life. God knows that I've experienced that for seven years.

I told Draco that I'll be going to Salem for a year. God, it was damn hard to tell him that. But then, it was an offer I couldn't resist. I get to study at a prestigious school, and I get over Harry. Yes, I still love him. And it still hurt to see him together with Madison.

Draco came to my graduation today, and boy was I glad! It was a bit embarrassing to have your brothers and your handsome best friend cheer you on as you receive your diploma. Nevertheless, I was happy.

A graduate and giddy,

Gin

Jesus… it hurt, Gin. Do you know that tears are starting to fall down my cheeks? This entry reminded me of how happy you were before. Simple things can make you jump for joy, even my mere presence made you happy. I could have made you happier, Virginia… if only I had accepted the open doors and opportunities…. I could have told you that I loved you…

Dear Diary,

I'll be leaving for Salem in a few hours. Draco will be there with me at the airport. I know it would be more proper if my family saw me off, but I'd rather be alone with Draco. Jesus, how am I going to survive without him? Wait, that sounded a bit melodramatic, didn't it? But hell, how will I survive? He was always there every time I needed him, and he had no qualms about it. I'm going to miss him.

Diary, this feeling of mine is really freaking me out. I love Draco, but I also love Harry. I don't think my heart healed yet, after what Harry did. And I don't know if loving Draco would be a good idea – I might be putting our friendship at risk. Oh diary, help!

Confused and forlorn,

Gin

Yes, Gin. That's what I thought too… but now, I realize how stupid I was. We could have always remained friends… that's how we started, and that's how it's going to end…. Even after I told you how much I love you…

Dear Diary,

Jonathan asked me out! He asked me out!!! Well, this entry will be short… I don't think I'll tell Draco about Jonathan yet… I'll keep it as a surprise. Oh well, I'm going shopping!!

Out-to-go-shopping,

Gin

Dear Diary,

Jonathan PROPOSED! Good Lord, how wonderful is that!!! I already told Draco… I sent him an owl minutes before. Draco should be the first person to know.

You cannot believe how happy I am!! Oh lord, what color will my dress be? Well duh… white, of course! I want the motive for my wedding PURPLE. That would be so gorgeous! But diary, I have to admit something to you… I'd rather marry Draco. I don't know why, though. Draco just seems more fitting to be my husband than Jonathan… I never admitted it before, but I just realized that I only dated and accepted Jonathan's proposal because he reminds me so much of Draco…help me, diary. I love both men, but I love the other more. But the one I love more… is far away! Besides, I even think he's planning on courting somebody now…I'm really confused.

Everytime I think of Draco, I feel all warm inside! But with Jonathan, I feel just the same, only that I feel lightheaded and free from all my troubles. What do I do now? I can't just possibly floo Draco to tell him that I love him, I'd look stupid. And Jonathan…I CAN'T tell him that I made a mistake in accepting his proposal, I still love him. Oh diary, HELP!!!

Too-late-to-bail-me-out-of-trouble,

Gin

You'd rather marry me, Gin? Oh Lord. You should know this, Virginia. I'm not courting anyone… the only girl I ever considered to court was you… and… You won't look stupid if you tell me you love me, Virginia… you never look stupid. You know another reason why you won't look stupid? Because I'll say 'I love you too'…

Dear diary,

I'm having second thoughts about this marriage… I saw Draco today. Oh god, he never looked so handsome before! He's still the same, only more muscular. It felt so good to sleep in his arms, they were so warm and strong! I really think this marriage is wrong, but I love Jonathan so much! What do I do now?

Sleepless in Salem,

Gin

It felt good to have you in my arms again, Virginia… every night, I would fantasize how it would be if it was for forever… Do you want to know why my arms are like that? My arms are warm to give you warmth for my love… and my arms are strong to protect you… I love you…

Dear Diary,

Draco likes someone. It's not me. Why does it hurt? God, what I'm feeling now is WORSE compared to what I felt when I saw Harry and Madison kissing. Does that mean… that I'm truly, madly, deeply, in love with him?

Anyway, I'm married. To Jonathan. Not to Draco. I'm Mrs. Virginia Parker… why does that sound so wrong? Mrs. Virginia Malfoy sounds so much better to my ears. I'll write later…I'm too depressed right now.

Someone-who-wishes-to-be-Mrs.-Virginia-Malfoy,

Mrs. Virginia Parker

I only like you, Virginia. No one else… I'd like you to be Mrs. Virginia Malfoy, too. You were going to be, once you finalized your divorce with Jonathan… I've always dreamt of the day when the minister would tell me to kiss the bride, and I would lean down, and whisper in your ear, 'I love you' and kiss you gently…

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Dear Diary,

I'm on a plane headed to England. I'm going home! This time, it will be different. I'M GOING TO TELL DRACO HOW I FEEL! I'm finally going to tell him how much I love him…

You were going to tell me how you feel? Oh Lord, I was too! Do you know right now, that I long for your touch, for your kiss, and for your embrace? I feel like I'm going crazy, Virginia… A life without you is no life at all… What did I do to deserve this? Am I really doomed? I know I haven't been a saint, but I haven't been a devil either… All the cruel things I've done in the past, like curse Potter or even your brother… it was all just for you…

You're gone now… and I never had the chance to tell you how I feel, how much I love you. I don't think I can love anyone like I loved you, Gin. I don't think I can ever think about anyone like I thought about you… Life is useless now. Should I end my life? It would be better. But no, I won't. You wouldn't like that.

If people only knew our story, they would have picked up a lesson from it… that they should tell their loved ones how much they loved them before it's too late… You would have liked people to share that lesson, wouldn't you, Virginia? You would have liked them to learn never to take time for granted… like I did.

Perhaps, this story would change their ways. Perhaps, it would make them realize that people they love wouldn't stick around forever. I realized that, alright. But before this happened, I always thought you would always be there, till we reach our golden ages. I even thought that we'd have rheuma and arthritis together… I thought we'd live to see the day when we'd see great great grandchildren running about.

You know, our story reminded me of a song I heard once… how did it go? Oh yeah.

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be togetherOne sweet day

Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

It's perfect, isn't it? I never got the chance to tell you how I feel… I never told you all I wanted to say… I'm sorry… You're listening to me right now, aren't you? Even if I'm not speaking out loud, you know what I'm saying. I hope you understand what I'm saying, Virginia… I love you…

* FIN *

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Every now and then

We find a special friend

Who never lets us down

Who understands it all

Reaches out each time we fall

You're the best friend

I have found.

I know you can't stay

A part of you

Will never ever go away

Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life would just be kind

To such a gentle mind

If you lose your way

Think back on yesterday

Remember me this way

Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see

The love you bring to me

No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there

Forever more apart of time

You're everywhere

I'll always care

And I'll be right behind

Your shoulder

Watching you

I'll be standing by your side

All you do

And I wont ever leave

As long as you believe

You just believe

I'll make a wish for you

And hope it will come true

That life would just be kind

To such a gentle mind

If you lose your way

Think back on yesterday

Remember me this way

Remember me this way

- Remember Me This Way by Jordan Hill

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A/N: You know what? I cried when I was proof reading that. I hope you guys liked this. I'm not really sure if I'll still write an epilogue…

A/N 2: Songs used in this chapter were 'One Sweet Day' by Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey, and 'Remember Me This Way' by Jordan Hill.

A/N 3: Tell me if you still like an alternate ending… coz I kind of like this ending. *smiles*