Sneezes and Sword Fights

By Joanna

Chapter Nine: Pacifying the Patient

Aragorn finally awakened at noon, which was a relief to Legolas, who had begun to think he had killed the King after all, and as Arwen seemed not quite ready for that yet, he would have sorely regretted causing her pain.

When he stirred, Legolas quickly moved to his bedside and waited expectantly, ready to spring away should Aragorn lunge again.

But Aragorn's eyes opened slowly, squinted against the light, and turned, unfocused, toward Legolas. A wide grin traveled across his face as he recognized his friend.

"Mae govadded, Legolad!" he said warmly and extended a hand in greeting. "Whed did you ged to the cidy?"

I have done some damage to his mind, was Legolas' first thought as he took Aragorn's hand, at a lost of what else to do. His second was, Arwen will kill me.

Aragorn clasped his hand and pulled himself up, throwing both arms around Legolas' neck and holding tightly in a massive hug. Caught off balance, Legolas was pulled downward, collapsing on top of Aragorn, who continued to hold him tightly round the throat. Legolas kicked his legs and looked for leverage, but could not reach the floor from where he dangled in Aragorn's arms, his face pressed hard in Aragorn's armpit.

"Well med!" Aragorn was saying, but Legolas heard little else because his ears were starting to rush with blood trapped in his brain by Aragorn's death hold.

"Ara---" Legolas struggled to pry the King's arms from his throat, "Ara--GORF!" He finally choked out and broke free from the death hold, gasping for air.

Aragorn was still smiling very sweetly as Legolas retreated to a safe distance. "How are you feeling?" he asked carefully.

Aragorn didn't answer and instead stared up at the ceiling, mouth hanging agape in awe of something. Legolas glanced up at the ceiling, saw nothing, and looked back to Aragorn who still watched the air above him in fascination. Legolas looked more closely, but still saw nothing but bare stone.

"Well, loog ad thad," Aragorn murmured in wonder, chuckling to himself and giving a little wave to the ceiling.

Worried now, Legolas stepped closer to the bed, snapped his fingers before Aragorn's face and waited for Aragorn to slowly look at him and smile in greeting all over again.

"Well med!" he repeated.

"Can you tell me who you are?" Legolas asked nervously, asking the Valar to keep Arwen with her children until Aragorn could be restored to his former self.

"Do nod be ridculud," Aragorn giggled a little. "Don'd you know who I ab?"

"Yes. Yes. Who are you?" Legolas pried, hoping to draw the right answer.

"I like thid gab!" Aragorn threw back his head and howled with laughter, before sitting up in bed and fixing a stern look upon his face and proclaiming, "You shall nod passssssed!" as he drove an imaginary sword down on the bed between his knees.

Legolas looked completely horrified and Aragorn laughed and slapped his knee. "Cub odd, Legolad. You know thid. Who ab I?"

"What game? What are you talking about?"

"We meed agaid. Ad the turn of the tide," Aragorn tried again.

Giving in at last, and knowing there was little else to do until the strange effect of the root wore off of Aragorn, Legolas sighed, and played along. "You're Gandalf."

"Good! Led's play agaid!" Aragorn grinned and thought for a moment. "Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo! Where had Mr. Frodo god off to now?"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "At least give me a bit of a challenge, Samwise."

Aragorn narrowed his eyes. "All righd. If you are so smard, you go."

"I don't want…" Legolas began but when he saw that Aragorn was preparing for a revolt if he did not, sighed and considered. At last, feeling very foolish, he droned out in monotone, "I will not have a pointy-ear out scoring me."

"Gibli," Aragorn announced.

"Very good. Now may we stop playing this ridiculous game?"

"Thid wad Eldariod's favoride gab!" Aragorn muttered dangerously.

"Fine then, fine. Your turn," Legolas sighed and retreated to the window sill as he watched Aragorn think very hard on who would be next.

"I ab nod afraid of paid or death. Cages worry be."

"Eowyn," Legolas answered quickly and Aragorn looked a little surprised at how easy it had been for him.

Aragorn waited expectantly.

"Oh for the love of the Valar," Legolas muttered under his breath. "I shall not leave my daughter in Middle Earth in the hands of a filthy Ranger!"

Aragorn raised a brow. "I do nod thig thad wad how he pud id, exadly, but Elrod."

"You're good at this game," Legolas said sweetly.

Aragorn scowled as if trying to gauge if he was being patronized, which he was, but then smiled. "Try thid. 'Gondor needs no Kig!'"

"Aragorn, it is not polite to mock the dead," Legolas scolded.

A look of utter horror flashed on Aragorn's face. "Boromir id dead? Whed did this happed?"

And so the hour went on, as Aragorn exhausted all of the people he'd ever known in Middle Earth, and quite a few he had not. Legolas grew very weary of the game, but Aragorn was tireless in his amusement with it, howling at his own impressions and even at Legolas' as the elf grew more inspired by his easy audience.

At last, Arwen stepped in the door and Aragorn sat up again in bed and made claws out of his hands. "My Preciousssss!" He hissed at her, "we wads her, we neeeeeeds her, precioussssss!"

"What in--?" was all she was able to choke out after a moment of stunned silence.

Legolas cringed and met Arwen's questioning, and rather accusatory, look. "He's Gollum," was the only explanation that seemed fitting.

"Gollub, gollub," Aragorn agreed, and exploded into a fit of laughter punctuated with coughs.

*******

Sorry for this bit of an interruption, but:

In a complete 180, I took a break from this story to go back to my old comfort zone of angst (which is why this chapter is a bit shorter than some…I gave too much time to the new story!). I would love your comments on Namárië, Elessar, which can be assessed through my author page.

I am actually looking for a beta reader for future stories. I plan on doing a fairly long piece after wrapping this up, which will primarily be drama, and probably more in the style of my new story. If you enjoy Namárië, Elessar, and have time to be a beta for me over the summer and don't mind telling me if a chapter I send you really sucks, please contact me!

***For you guys:

TrinityC: Well, you wouldn't know it from how I've been posting the last few days, but I'm not quite done yet, but your good wishes have been felt and appreciated. One more paper left, and you can see how motivated I am to finish it. Ack. And I wouldn't mind so much going the way of Aragorn in this chapter…I'd like to find a happy place like he has.

Erin: good lord. You MUST have been sleep deprived to think this story made any paper writing stint worth it! But that's how I like my reviewers…wavering on the brink of insanity. And so much for seriousness. Long gone in this chapter. But if I made you like Arwen, rock on! Thanks so much for reviewing. You know that you're my hero anyway, but I'll mention that here again. (You're my hero!).

Dragon-of-the-North: I have recovered much more quickly and uneventfully than Aragorn, thank goodness. And I'm also a little glad to know that most people liked the end of the last chapter with the seriousness. It was a departure for this story, but I felt the call of the angst (not to be confused with the call of the wild, which I felt a little in chapter six). And yes…Somneil root. I decided to name the root at the last second, and so decided that elements of Middle Earth had survived to this day. This being one of them. Um, not so much, but it seemed like a good idea at 2 in the morning, as most things do. Like being on the computer during a tornado warning.

Tessa: Thanks for the love and luck. Still need a little of both! Not to worry, the action will be returning very soon. Do you think you'd still love Aragorn's legs sticking out from a little night dress? That image actually turned me off a bit!

Dot: Um duh. I asked you if you were having exams too in an email, and then saw your review and remembered. Good luck with that! Over with yet? You can see I obviously pulled it back a little bit, only to push it over the edge in this chapter. Thanks for your very sweet review of Farewell, King. (don't feel like looking up the spelling of the elvish title).

Semmerie: I'm with you with the blackmail thing. I mean, who could possibly ever take an order from such a Kig again? Oh LORD with the thermometer comment…I could just…no, I think it best not to go "there" as this would turn into a different kind of story altogether wouldn't it? What do you mean you don't get colds? Are YOU an elf? Or just one of those really annoying people who are perpetually healthy and make the rest of us look bad by never missing a day of school or work? Hmm? Hmm?

Legyluva: (in soothing voice) yes, yes, you are the Kig. Please come away from the window, dear. And yes, more fights are promised. Soon.

MichelleFrodo: So not much lovey stuff in this chapter and the action is coming back, so hang with me another chapter! You're right. I take full responsibility for the "Kig." I apologize to you and all her other subjects.

Kaz: Oh my goodness, CONGRATS!!! Whoo hoo. And there was much rejoicing! Yippee! Oh my, I bet that's a nice, nice feeling. I think I shall pass out from joy when I finish my last paper (which by the way I should be doing now)…I can't even imagine having the dissertation done with. And you really are too sweet…it really made my day when you said the fiction helped you through it…lol. Or the last five minutes of it, more like. And I LIKE essays! It lets me procrastinate a bit longer when y'all write me paragraphs. Tell me your life story, really!

Strider4me: Earthquakes ARE scary…and so are tornados, which we've been having warnings for all afternoon and night. I'm ready to move to a nice, violent-weather free place…like…I don't know…England?

Suze: Hundreds more chapters…hmm. The longest cold EVER! I like it. I will at least guarantee two more chapters! How's that?

Laura: I know! Seriousness, in the midst of this…well…is there even a word for what this has been up to this point and is again? Probably not. Tomfoolery. There. I've never used that word in my life till now. Maybe in middle-earth you could call it a "warg-fight?" Hmm. "Orc-fight?" "Ent-fight?" I think I like warg-fight best.

tapetum lucidum: (smacks self in forehead)…duh! I didn't even think to add in a line from Legolas that they had HER blood, instead of the blood of Elendil. That might have been a bit more comforting huh? Well, there's always revision.

Hoppi: The "kig" things seems to have caught on. Lord knows why, but I'm happy about it! Thanks for reviewing!

Mouse: Thanks so much. I don't know many things about life, but I think I know that, at least. And that's enough, maybe.

Nilmandra: I have no idea when it occurred to me to try this, but the writing of it has been so much fun! Just so you know, you're "May the Valar Protect Them" is on my must read list. I can't wait! It looks incredible!

IMJinnie: Sigh. Thanks anyway, but still. Not so much a flame. Oh well. You really are a little scary, you know. Well, yes, you do. But then again, that's why I like you, I guess.

Pie: I have to say, I laughed more at your review of Namárië, Elessar than even this one. And I'll probably reply to it there too, but I couldn't wait…yes, I wanted to make you cry! And yes, I'm satisfied, but my plan backfired, because in trying to toy with your emotions, I just completely depressed myself and ended up putting my head down on my desk and sobbing…and was in the foulest mood imaginable for the rest of the day. I wish I could have written the story as I was thinking of it, because it would have seriously depressed you. I didn't do it justice. Oh well. Feeling better now? Anyway, I think Tasmania sounds cool, but then again, I'd kill to come to Australia too! Actually, I know nothing about Tasmania…I always get it confused with Transylvania, where the vampires are. Which is what I just did.

Estelcontar: Hey! It's the perfect day for a margarita too! Damn. Actually it's pass midnight. I missed it. Oh well, that isn't going to stop me. So much for balance with this chapter huh?

Jen: Thanks so much for stepping from the shadows! I'm so glad you like the story!

LilyoftheShadow: So, now it's gone from bittersweet to just well…is there even a word for what it's come to at this point?

Sami: You did inspire someone! You're right. You should have kept the idea under wraps! And see, it spawned this whole chapter too. You just gave the story complete momentum…and hmm…the end of your review makes me wonder if you know something…if you don't know what I'm talking about, then forget it.

Xero: Isn't it strange how the tiniest things can push us over the edge completely? I'm very glad you're liking the story. Hope you still do!

Zoya: Glad I made you laugh.

Runaround: I can make no promises, at this point it's every man…or elf…for himself.

Mari: LOL. I loved your review. It was a proclamation: Hilarious I say! I laughed out loud when I read that. I pictured you sitting there with one finger in the air as you said it. And the tornado alarms at the university just started sounding over the town for the EIGHTH TIME tonight. You have got to be kidding me! Off to check for a tornado…I'm back…God, that's the most frightening sound in the world. Gives me chills. Okay, it has died off. And I know that was stream-of-consciousness, but I'm terrified of tornados and I just talked myself through it. Whew. Not a fun night. Here. Anyway, Lord, was that more information than you wanted? Thanks man, for being there! And thanks for the review, and of my new story as well. And there the sirens go again. To my neighbor's apartment downstairs for shelter!

Stardancer: hi there! Back from the shelter. Thanks for all my reviews! You made my day! Yes…the idea was to let Legolas have revenge for the pink ribbons, but it seems that the elf is getting as much as he's getting here. I don't know why I enjoy the elf-torture so much…perhaps it's that I can't bear to torture the Kig. Who knows.

****Oh, and a special note…a few or you, and someone in particular who has remained nameless to me, had my back about a week ago, and that's all I'll say, and though I worked things out and everything is fine and a big misunderstanding was cleared up, I really, really appreciate whoever it was that cared enough to look out for my work. Many hugs to you. --J