A/N - Finally got this chapter up! Hope you all had a good summer.
I moved out of my dorm and back home to the land of no technology.
That means no internet either. So that's why I haven't posted.
My apologies. Enjoy this extra long chapter.
Hate Triangle
The Legend of Killer
"...and that's how the sperm is deposited into the female. Then a brat starts to grow inside the bitch and that's where brat's come from."
Piccolo's antennas stood erect form shock. "Vegeta, have you...done...IT?"
"Of course I have, Namek."
"Who would have sex with YOU? Who would want your brat?"
Vegeta humphed "I'll have you know that I was the most wanted warrior on Frieza's ship." He smirked "How about you? Are you still a virgin?"
"Virgin?"
"Someone who hasn't had sex yet. I'll take that as a yes."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"A man isn't a man until he's been laid." Vegeta proudly puffed out his chest.
"Laid?"
"Had sex. Fucked a bitch's brain's out. Humped. Broke the bed. Banged. You know."
"Oh. When did you become a man, Vegeta?"
"Huh?..."
Flashback:
"Ow, Vegeta!" Bulma yelled. "That's my belly button!"
"I know that!" Vegeta grumbled "Where is that hole?"
"What?!? Vegeta, are you sure your not a virgin? How old are you? 30?"
"Yes! I mean...I'm sure I'm not a virgin!"
"It's okay if you are. You don't have to be ashamed."
"Shutout, I'm busy...there it is!"
End flashback.
"A long time ago, Namek. Now I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm loosing a lot of blood here." Vegeta pointed toward the puddle of blood on the floor from his ankle.
Piccolo turned off the TV and decided to look through the books scattered all over the small living room. One in particular got his attention. "Hmmm...What's this?" He picked up a Kama Sutra book and started looking at the pictures.
* * * * *
"Wake up, Humans." A Fartling kicked Gohan in the ribs.
"I don't feel like sparring, Mr. Piccolo." Gohan rolled over. Him and Bulma were still fast asleep.
"I hate Humans."
"Hey Brother, look at that thing."
"Yeah. Cool, a pink thing. What the HFIL is it and what the HFIL is it doing here?"
The Fartling gulped "Remember the legend? Of the destruction of our race?"
"Yeah. Three Humans, two saiyans, the Purple Prince of Saiyans, and his blue mother bring...Killer...who uses a giant pink coushin thingy to destroy our Lord and uses a powerful disk to destroy us all."
"Yeah. Killer...the half human, half Fartling from planet Earth. Our destuctor, protector of the universe."
"Your paranoid, Brother. Killer is just a legend. The Dark Prince died with the rest of Frieza's army on Namek years ago so there is no such thing as the Purple Prince of Saiyans. Our race will always prevail."
"These humans are from Earth. We should take precautions."
"I only see two humans. A kid and a woman. We are still missing one more human, two saiyans, the Purple Prince, and his mother."
"Well, the boy DID blow Putt-Putt to smithereens for no reason at all. He is old enough to be the Dark Prince's offspring. His strength and temper go along with the rumors how strong and evil the Dark Prince was."
"True. But that would make one saiyan and one human. Plus the boy is not purple. No need to worry. Come on, help me drag these humans to Lord Fart. He wants to see them."
"Yeah I guess your right. The legend says that they bring Killer. So where is he? In their pockets?"
The two Fartlings laugh and drag the uncontious Bulma and Gohan to the throne room.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, back on Earth...
"Phew!" Yamcha panted. "I think I finally lost him. Boy, am I good. Escaping that professional hunter." He snickered at his cleverness. "Ugh! What is this shit in my hair?"
The Hunter looked at the messed up pile of leaves, then at recently disturbed communities of flies, then to the ladder that leaned against the tall dumpster. "Damn. This is too easy."
Yamcha was still very proud of himself so he snickered again "That guy will never find me in here."
The Hunter rolled his eyes "I think I'll give you another chance. I'll give you two minutes to hide somewhere else. I was just gonna kill you, but if you don't make it somewhat challenging this time I'll torture you."
Yamcha poked his dog shit covered head out of the dumpster "How did you know I was here?"
"Well, besides following your muddy footprints, it could have been the pile of leaves, trail of leaves, the disturbed flies, the ladder with fresh mud leading into the dumpster, and the echo of someone in the dumpster saying 'he'll never find me in here.' Or it could have been I was only 50 yards in behind you and watched you climb into the dumpster."
"Can't we work out a deal here? I have three dates tonight. Plus, my girlfriend is in outer space with an evil monkey, a big green man with fangs, and some psycho bitch that are all looking for her. I'm really worried about her."
"Sure you are...one minute and 30 seconds remaining."
"Eek!" Yamcha jumped out of the dumpster and started sprinting to the inner city.
The Hunter shook his head at the muddy footprints that Yamcha was leaving behind. "I swear some people need to get shot so they don't reproduce."
* * * * *
"Wow. How did I live so long on Earth and not know about any of this?" Piccolo eyed the pictures in the book in awe.
Chi-Chi slowly started opening her eyes. As her eyes gained back her focus she saw that she was finally out of that room and that both of her breasts were fully exposed. "What the fuck?"
Piccolo looked up from his book "Damn, she's awake."
"AUGH!" Chi-Chi covered herself with her torn clothing. "WHAT HAPPENED?!?"
"SHUTTUP!" Vegeta covered his face with a pillow.
"I dug you out of there." Piccolo sat down his book and started looking for more information on sex.
Chi-Chi saw the book he sat down 'Kama Sutra?...' "YOU WERE GOING TO RAPE ME!!!"
"WHAT?!?" Vegeta jumped to his feet forgetting about his severely broken ankle. "AUGH!!!" He fell to the ground in pain.
"Rape?"
"YES! MY CLOTHES WERE TORN, MY BREASTS WERE OUT, AND YOU WERE LOOKING AT THAT KAMA SUTRA BOOK!"
"NAMEK! WHY THE HFIL WOULD YOU WANT TO RAPE HER?!?"
"What is rape?"
Vegeta slapped his forehead while Chi-Chi quickly pulled out her pan. BONG! "DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW, GREENY! I SAW YOU LOOKING AT THAT BOOK!"
"Look, Bitch, the Namek really doesn't know what rape is. I'll explain it to him later. What I would like to know is why that book is in there with all of the Brat's studying material. I thought you didn't want him knowing about that stuff...and don't tell me it belongs to that culls Kakarot!"
"Well...uh...THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"
That familiar ring came on again. Vegeta and Piccolo race to the phone and Piccolo got it. "How do you answer it?"
"Give it to me, Namek!" Vegeta laid on the floor in pain.
"Here." Piccolo threw the phone at Vegeta so and he pressed the button and put it up to his ear. Piccolo listened "What do you want?" He asked sounding annoyed.
"Ooh, Yamcha! You sound so bad! Hee Hee. This is Gina. Well, what I called to tell you is that I'm here at the Right-Bye Mall in Falker City and I saw a naughty picture of you posted in the girls bathroom and most of the shops. It's even all over in the parking structure."
"Is it the picture of me wearing a pink tutu?" Vegeta covered the receiver while they snickered.
"Yes! That's the one! Well, I also called to say that it's over between us. The date tonight is off and I never want to see you again. That picture is a turn off. Oh, yes! I think that you should know that size DOES matter, Mr. 2-And-3-Quarters. And your motion of the ocean sunk the boat! I don't want no minute man!" *click*
"AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Piccolo and Vegeta were laughing their asses off.
"Vegeta, did all that mean what I think it meant?"
"Yes, Namek. The Weakling is even less of a man than I originally thought."
"VEGETA! I WANT YOU TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS YOU MADE!" Chi-Chi pointed at the puddle of blood made by his ankle.
"I...do...not...CLEAN!" As Vegeta said the word 'clean,' the vein in his forehead popped out.
"Yes...you...WILL!" As Chi-Chi said the word 'will' she pulled out her lethal pan.
"Cunt! I am not afraid of your cooking material!" Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest.
WHACK! Chi-Chi ruthlessly hit Vegeta's broken ankle with all her might. Piccolo winced at the sight.
"AUUUGH!!!"
"Greeny! Wrap his ankle so he can clean up his little mess!"
Piccolo sat there glaring at Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi glared back.
BONG! "I MEANT NOW!"
Piccolo started tending to Vegeta's ankle while Vegeta tried to keep a straight face.
"Good. I go cook something for us to eat." Chi-Chi cheerfully headed toward the kitchen.
* * * * *
"Wake them up!" Lord Fart commanded. "Good job Frank and Beans."
"Lord Fart, my brother Frank wants you to know that the Earthlings have with them a giant pink coushin thingy."
"Ah yes. The pink thing. Don't worry boys, it's just a coincidence."
"Another thing, Lord Fart, the human boy blew Putt-Putt to smithereens. They passed out from the cloud of gas. If they weren't wearing the masks, they would have surely died."
"The boy did this?"
"Yes sir. Right after they were told about creating the special masks."
"Is that so? Oh well, Putt-Putt was a weak low class so no real loss."
The Elderly Fart was in the throne room "A normal human boy couldn't possibly be that strong! He couldn't be full blooded human! Humans are weaklings!"
"Be quiet Old Fart" Lord Fart commanded. "Wake up the Earthlings!"
Old Fart waved an ancient remedy before their noses. Bulma and Gohan instantly woke up.
"Where the HFIL am I?" Bulma looked around the throne room and at the guards.
"Can I blow them up, Bulma?" Gohan asked with pleading puppy dog eyes.
"Ummm...better not Gohan" she remembered how much he enjoyed killing last time.
"Explain, Boy" Lord Fart "how it is you were able to kill an adult Fartling."
"I used a ki ball."
"A single ki blast? How is it possible for such a young human like you to have such strength?"
"He's half Saiyan" Bulma piped up.
The crowd started to talk and get loud. "Silence!" Lord Fart yelled.
"Is it possible that he is the Purple Prince? He doesn't look purple to me." Old Fart turned to Bulma "If this is true, you must be his blue mother, the Queen of Saiyans!"
"What in HFIL are you talking about? I'm not the Queen of Saiyans or this boy's mother!"
"How is it that the boy is half Saiyan? Planet Vegeta was destroyed years ago" Lord Fart was curious.
"My daddy was sent to Earth to destroy the human race. His name is Goku." Gohan was proud.
The crowd started murmuring again, but this time it was louder. "Silence!" Lord Fart asked "Is this the same Goku who beat the Dark Prince and Frieza?"
"Yup! Well, he beat Frieza, but I don't know about the Dark Prince...he beat so many people."
"Well, well, well. This boy's father is the super saiyan that took out our rival's prince and our greatest threat. Let's show them some hospitality!" Lord Fart stood up "Frank and Beans! Take them to the royal visitation rooms! And tell Ms. Briefs about her OTHER project."
"Yes Sir!" Frank and Beans said in unison. "This way, Earthlings."
Bulma and Gohan cautiously followed.
* * * * *
Vegeta was on his hands and knees scrubbing the last of the dried blood off the floor. Piccolo was sitting on the couch staring at Vegeta's cast and listening carefully to his every word "...and that's what rape is, Namek."
"I would never rape any one - especially Chi-Chi."
"Me neither. A real man doesn't need to rape to get some."
"Get some what?"
"Sex, pussy, ass, dick, natural juices, boink, you know."
"Oh, yeah."
"IS THAT FLOOR CLEANED YET?!?" Chi-Chi yelled stomping out of the kitchen.
Vegeta growled at her so she hit him with her scolding red hot spatula. "AUGH!!! MY SEXY FACE!!!"
Chi-Chi looked down at the clean floor. "Oh...dinner's ready!" She cheerfully went back into the kitchen.
Piccolo watched in horror "I'm actually afraid to go in there to eat."
"That Bitch! My royal face is burnt! I have to get the hot grease off my face NOW!"
"GET IN HERE AND EAT!!!"
Piccolo and Vegeta cautiously went into the kitchen to see their large delicious meal waiting for them. Chi-Chi was humming and folding her napkin in her lap. Slowly, they took their seats.
"Enjoy your meals boys! Dig in! After dinner I'll start cleaning up the mess I made with Gohan's studies. I accidentally let all his things out of the capsules so that's why I was flooded in the rooms by books."
"Leave out some sex and reproduction books for the Namek to look at." Vegeta said in between each bite then he started shoveling food into his mouth.
"Yes. I'd like to look at the pictures and learn about sex."
"Don't you know how to read?" Chi-Chi asked.
"Gohan taught me the ABC's."
"Hahahaha! The Namek can't read! Hahaha- *cough cough*" Vegeta rolled out of his chair onto the floor choking.
"That's horrible! Why didn't you go to school when you were little?"
"Well..." Piccolo started thinking back to his first and last day of school.
Flashback:
"Well, Piccolo, this is Kindergarten" explained Mr. Popo.
"I think I should be out training instead of learning. This is a waste of my time" Piccolo pouted.
"Remember, Kami said that if you want to rule the world when your older, you must get a decent education and learn how to read."
"Whatever."
"Okay. Don't be too evil while I'm gone. I'll be here after school to pick you up. Have fun!" Mr. Popo took off in the direction of Kami's lookout on his magic carpet.
The school bullies watched Mr. Popo leave and ran up to Piccolo. "Hey man! Was that your dad!"
"No. " Piccolo shook his head. "My father was killed right after he threw up my egg."
"Your weird. And ugly" said the kindergarten bully.
"Yeah. Why are you green? And what are those pink spots all over your arms?" asked the other bully.
"Nobody else here had pointy ears" one bully said picking up a stick to poke Piccolo's face and ears.
"STOP THAT!" Piccolo yelled, baring his small fangs.
"Wow. He has fangs, too. I think he's a monster!" a bully said.
"Leave him alone you bully! He's a CUTE monster!" The boys turned to see the prettiest little girl in the whole class - Liccopo. "Here, here's picture of me. You can have it. What's your name?" she asked Piccolo.
He took the picture. "Piccolo" he answered shyly. Piccolo never had this feeling before. He felt his purple blood rush to his head and started blushing.
"Ewww! He's turning purple! I think Piccolo loves Liccopo!" one bully said.
"No I don't!" Piccolo defended.
"Piccolo loves Liccopo! Piccolo loves Liccopo!" all the kids started singing except for Liccopo. She was trying to get them to stop.
One bully reached for his turban "I got his turban!" All the kids gasped when they saw his antennas.
"He's a freak!" a kid yelled right before he ran away screaming for him mama.
"HE'S NOT A FREAK!" Liccopo yelled back.
"FREAK!" a bully yelled. Then all the little kids started chanting "Freak! Freak! Freak ! Freak! Freak!"
"Come on Piccolo, let's go. Don't listen to them." Liccopo took Piccolo's hand and started leading him away from the crowd of kids.
As they were leaving one bully yelled "FREAK!" and started throwing rocks at Piccolo. The other kids started copying him yelling "Freak!" and throwing rocks at him. Then one hit Liccopo so hard that she started crying.
"STOP IT!" Piccolo yelled as he turned around he formed a giant ki ball and fired it at the crowd of kids. The whole school was blown up. "Are you okay, Liccopo?"
Liccopo stared at the crater that was once her school. "What did you do?" she asked in disbelief.
"They hurt you."
"You killed them all! Your a meany!"
"But-"
"Don't talk to me ever again!"
"Okay. I'll go into the woods and live there in isolation since I'm a freak." Piccolo sadly started floating away into the forest with his head down and his antennas hanging limp before his face.
"Wait Piccolo! I'm sorry! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Liccopo yelled at him. "Come back!"
But Piccolo ignored her. He continued to float sadly into the forest and didn't turn around. He never wanted her to see the tears in his evil eyes.
End Flashback.
"Piccolo?" Chi-Chi asked. "Is that a tear? I never seen your antennas go limp before. You look really sad."
Vegeta was starting to turn blue from choking. He reached over to grab Chi-Chi's leg to get her attention, but she moved her leg so he could see up her skirt. The sight of her untamed bush bulging out the sides of her panties made him choke even more.
"Uh..." Piccolo wiped away his tear and gained his composure. "No. I mean...I lived in the woods most of my life. I never went to school."
Piccolo fired a small ki blast at Vegeta's back as a substitute hymlic maneuver. The whole chicken leg shot out of Vegeta's throat and straight out his mouth and line drived to Chi-Chi's private area.
"AAAHHHHH!!!" Chi-Chi jumped straight up and flipped the table over to see Vegeta already got his breath of air and running to his room with Piccolo. "You can't hide in there forever!"
Piccolo and Vegeta slammed and locked the door. Vegeta was still gasping for air "That was HORRIBLE! Even more worse than when I dropped the soap in the shower with Zarbon and Frieza there!"
"What happened then?" Piccolo just didn't understand.
"None of your business, Namek!"
* * * * *
"Here are the best rooms on the ship, Mrs. Briefs. We will get you anything you need to create the special masks and do anything to make sure the boy is comfortable."
"A mask like that will take months to make" Bulma whined.
"Possibly."
"What is this other project I need to make?"
"Well, our race have been wanting something for a long time - a sex toy."
"WHAT?!?"
"A sex toy. We Fartling are strangely attracted to machinery. When we see a robot or android, we go wild."
"What the fuck is wrong with you guys?"
"Every one in our race is like that."
"Uh! That will take even longer! I refuse to make you guys a fucking sex toy! I have a man to go home to, you know!"
"Not if we destroy Earth for your incompetence."
"Er...FINE! BUT IF YOU HURT EARTH IN ANY WAY, MY BEST FRIEND GOKU AND MY BOYFRIEND WILL KICK YOUR ASSES!"
"Ahahahaha!" Frank and Beans were laughing.
Frank was the first to stop laughing "You can't fool us. Goku is dead. He died when planet Namek blew up. And your weak human boyfriend is no match for us."
"Goku IS still alive! And I wasn't talking about my weak human boyfriend! I was talking about my sexy super saiyan boyfriend!"
"I didn't know Yamcha was a super saiyan" Gohan scratched his head. "I thought Yamcha was weak."
"AHHAHAHAHAHA!" Frank and Beans were rolling on the floor.
"Laugh all you want! My boyfriend and Goku are the two strongest beings is the universe and they'll come save us!"
"But Bulma, I'm stronger than Yamcha. So is Tien, Krillen, Piccolo, Choutzu, Vegeta-"
Frank and Beans stopped laughing "Did you just say - Vegeta? The Dark Prince?"
"Dark Prince? That nickname sure does suit him" Bulma was surprised they knew Vegeta.
"Yup! He's mean though. He wants to kill my daddy and rule the universe" Gohan made a face.
"But, the Dark Prince is dead. He died years ago on Namek" Beans was scared.
"Yeah, well, he WAS dead for about 10 minutes then we accidentally brought him back to life and back to Earth so I invited him to come live with me" Bulma mentioned casually.
"SURE you did. For a second there we almost believed that the Dark Prince was still alive and you are his girlfriend. Haha!" Beans couldn't stop laughing
"He is still alive! He's living with Bulma and training in her inventions to kill my daddy!"
"Uh huh. The Dark Prince is living with her and she's helping him train to kill her best friend. Uh huh, SURE!" Frank rolled his eyes. "Let's get going, brother. Their just messing with us."
"But it's true! Vegeta said that I'm his mate!" Bulma protested.
Frank chuckled. "Your lab and every thing you need is through those doors right there with plenty of assistants. We suggest you get started."
"Can I get something to read? My mom is probably worrying that I'll get behind in my studies" Gohan asked excitedly.
"Uh...are you sure that your part saiyan? Saiyans weren't well known for their studying skills" Frank looked doughtful. "Do you even know how to read?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Gohan looked really confused. "Yeah, I can read and I'm sure that I'm saiyan. I used to have a tail before it was cut off."
"Nevermind. We'll get you a few books to read." Frank and Beans exited without turning their backs on the weird Earthlings.
They both watched the Fartling back up out of the room, puzzled. Bulma just shrugged and turned to Gohan. "Well, Kid, the sooner I get started, the sooner we can go home. You better study a lot or your mom would kill me."
* * * * *
"Vegeta? What's in that capsule?" Piccolo pointed to the capsule on the small desk.
"The Weakling brought in on. It must be his belongings." An evil smile grew on Vegeta's scarred face. "Let's see what's in it."
Then that annoying tune came on again. Vegeta answered it while Piccolo listened "Hello."
"Hi Yammy! This is Maron! I called to remind you of our date tonight. I know you sometimes forget. Silly!" She giggled. "I was wondering if you had talked to Krillen, lately. I haven't seen or heard from him since he caught us in his bed last week. I'm beginning to worry."
"Nope. Haven't seen the Cue Ball. I smelt him last week at the Capsule Corp., but I didn't see him."
"Oh well, if you see him tell him to call me. See you tonight! I won't be wearing any panties! Bye Bye!" *click*
"What a whore!"
"Whore?"
"Fucks everyone, slut, tramp, dirty, diseased, you know."
"Oh."
"Come on Namek, lets open the capsule and see what goodies are in there."
Piccolo picked it up and threw it on the floor. As soon as the smoke cleared, six large duffle bags sat on the floor.
Vegeta and Piccolo dug through the bags until Piccolo found a bottle of pills. "Are these what humans call pain killers?"
"Give me some!" Vegeta reached out his hand and Piccolo dumped four pills in his hand. Vegeta popped them in his mouth and they both continued digging through the bags.
"Look, Namek. Porn!" Piccolo just stared at Vegeta. "Porn is a sex movie."
"Oh...what's this?" Piccolo held up a dildo and then plugged his nose. "It smells like ass."
"Don't touch that!" Vegeta slapped the dildo out of Piccolo's hand. "That is a sex toy. You don't know what kind of diseases that thing carries."
Vegeta pulled out rope from his bag and Piccolo pulled out handcuffs and a whip.
"Give those to me, Namek!" Vegeta took them and put them in the drawer next to his bed.
They were digging more and Vegeta found a dirty nurses outfit "Size 6?" He smirked as he pictured Bulma doing his bandages after the G.R. blows up and slid it under his bed for later.
"I didn't know you were a nurse."
"It's not for me, Namek." They started digging again.
"Hey, books. Maybe I can read these after I learn how to read." Piccolo set them aside for later.
"A senzu bean!" Vegeta popped it into his mouth and his face and ankle healed up. Then he kicked off his cast.
"Vegeta, look at these clothes."
"A pure white zoot suit. A real pimp suit. We'll have to stop pretty soon. Maybe you should wear it so you can loose your virginity."
"What is the purpose of this stick with a diamond on it?"
"It's called a cane, Namek."
"Athlete's foot spray? Super Glue?" Vegeta put that aside.
"A movie. Is this more porn?" Piccolo asked.
"Hmmm...it's not labeled. We'll watch it later."
"FOOD!!!" Vegeta stuffed the capsule marked 'food' into his tights. "Uh, Namek? My heart is starting to beat really fast. Are you sure those were pain killers?"
"No."
"WHAT?!?"
"I asked if they were what humans called pain killers and then you demanded for some." Vegeta sat there staring at him. "I can't read. Remember?"
"Give me the bottle."
Piccolo searched for the bottle and gave it to him. Then he went back into the bags.
"VIAGRA!?!"
"What is that?" he asked without looking up from his search.
"NAMEK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Piccolo's eyes popped out of his head "There's a picture of Bulma without any cloths!"
"DON'T LOOK AT THAT!!!"
"But I like the way she looks!"
"GIVE IT TO ME!!!" Vegeta attacked Piccolo and they started fighting over the picture.
They were wrestling for a while then Vegeta felt his member start to rise. He let Piccolo go. Piccolo was staring at the picture.
"Namek...that's my MATE!"
Piccolo slowly looked up at Vegeta. He understood what a mate was. It was like being married. Like Chi-Chi and Goku. "I-I'm sorry, Vegeta." Piccolo dropped the picture and ran out of the room.
Vegeta just got up and locked the door. Then he picked up the picture of Bulma and decided to take a shower.
Piccolo decided to find Chi-Chi and learn how to read.
BigNamekianBallz - Poor Piccolo. Come on, was his first day of school traumatizing, or what? Kids can be harsh at that age. Please don't flame me because Piccolo blew up the school. Don't forget he used to be evil.
What's Vegeta gonna do in the shower? Is the legend of Killer true? I'll give you a hint. The legend of Killer is true! Try to see if you can figure it out. What will happen to Bulma and Gohan? How long will the Viagra last on a saiyan? Will Yamcha be okay? Will he die? What will Chi-Chi teach Piccolo. Does Piccolo still have that picture of Liccopo?
Hate Triangle
The Legend of Killer
"...and that's how the sperm is deposited into the female. Then a brat starts to grow inside the bitch and that's where brat's come from."
Piccolo's antennas stood erect form shock. "Vegeta, have you...done...IT?"
"Of course I have, Namek."
"Who would have sex with YOU? Who would want your brat?"
Vegeta humphed "I'll have you know that I was the most wanted warrior on Frieza's ship." He smirked "How about you? Are you still a virgin?"
"Virgin?"
"Someone who hasn't had sex yet. I'll take that as a yes."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"A man isn't a man until he's been laid." Vegeta proudly puffed out his chest.
"Laid?"
"Had sex. Fucked a bitch's brain's out. Humped. Broke the bed. Banged. You know."
"Oh. When did you become a man, Vegeta?"
"Huh?..."
Flashback:
"Ow, Vegeta!" Bulma yelled. "That's my belly button!"
"I know that!" Vegeta grumbled "Where is that hole?"
"What?!? Vegeta, are you sure your not a virgin? How old are you? 30?"
"Yes! I mean...I'm sure I'm not a virgin!"
"It's okay if you are. You don't have to be ashamed."
"Shutout, I'm busy...there it is!"
End flashback.
"A long time ago, Namek. Now I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm loosing a lot of blood here." Vegeta pointed toward the puddle of blood on the floor from his ankle.
Piccolo turned off the TV and decided to look through the books scattered all over the small living room. One in particular got his attention. "Hmmm...What's this?" He picked up a Kama Sutra book and started looking at the pictures.
* * * * *
"Wake up, Humans." A Fartling kicked Gohan in the ribs.
"I don't feel like sparring, Mr. Piccolo." Gohan rolled over. Him and Bulma were still fast asleep.
"I hate Humans."
"Hey Brother, look at that thing."
"Yeah. Cool, a pink thing. What the HFIL is it and what the HFIL is it doing here?"
The Fartling gulped "Remember the legend? Of the destruction of our race?"
"Yeah. Three Humans, two saiyans, the Purple Prince of Saiyans, and his blue mother bring...Killer...who uses a giant pink coushin thingy to destroy our Lord and uses a powerful disk to destroy us all."
"Yeah. Killer...the half human, half Fartling from planet Earth. Our destuctor, protector of the universe."
"Your paranoid, Brother. Killer is just a legend. The Dark Prince died with the rest of Frieza's army on Namek years ago so there is no such thing as the Purple Prince of Saiyans. Our race will always prevail."
"These humans are from Earth. We should take precautions."
"I only see two humans. A kid and a woman. We are still missing one more human, two saiyans, the Purple Prince, and his mother."
"Well, the boy DID blow Putt-Putt to smithereens for no reason at all. He is old enough to be the Dark Prince's offspring. His strength and temper go along with the rumors how strong and evil the Dark Prince was."
"True. But that would make one saiyan and one human. Plus the boy is not purple. No need to worry. Come on, help me drag these humans to Lord Fart. He wants to see them."
"Yeah I guess your right. The legend says that they bring Killer. So where is he? In their pockets?"
The two Fartlings laugh and drag the uncontious Bulma and Gohan to the throne room.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, back on Earth...
"Phew!" Yamcha panted. "I think I finally lost him. Boy, am I good. Escaping that professional hunter." He snickered at his cleverness. "Ugh! What is this shit in my hair?"
The Hunter looked at the messed up pile of leaves, then at recently disturbed communities of flies, then to the ladder that leaned against the tall dumpster. "Damn. This is too easy."
Yamcha was still very proud of himself so he snickered again "That guy will never find me in here."
The Hunter rolled his eyes "I think I'll give you another chance. I'll give you two minutes to hide somewhere else. I was just gonna kill you, but if you don't make it somewhat challenging this time I'll torture you."
Yamcha poked his dog shit covered head out of the dumpster "How did you know I was here?"
"Well, besides following your muddy footprints, it could have been the pile of leaves, trail of leaves, the disturbed flies, the ladder with fresh mud leading into the dumpster, and the echo of someone in the dumpster saying 'he'll never find me in here.' Or it could have been I was only 50 yards in behind you and watched you climb into the dumpster."
"Can't we work out a deal here? I have three dates tonight. Plus, my girlfriend is in outer space with an evil monkey, a big green man with fangs, and some psycho bitch that are all looking for her. I'm really worried about her."
"Sure you are...one minute and 30 seconds remaining."
"Eek!" Yamcha jumped out of the dumpster and started sprinting to the inner city.
The Hunter shook his head at the muddy footprints that Yamcha was leaving behind. "I swear some people need to get shot so they don't reproduce."
* * * * *
"Wow. How did I live so long on Earth and not know about any of this?" Piccolo eyed the pictures in the book in awe.
Chi-Chi slowly started opening her eyes. As her eyes gained back her focus she saw that she was finally out of that room and that both of her breasts were fully exposed. "What the fuck?"
Piccolo looked up from his book "Damn, she's awake."
"AUGH!" Chi-Chi covered herself with her torn clothing. "WHAT HAPPENED?!?"
"SHUTTUP!" Vegeta covered his face with a pillow.
"I dug you out of there." Piccolo sat down his book and started looking for more information on sex.
Chi-Chi saw the book he sat down 'Kama Sutra?...' "YOU WERE GOING TO RAPE ME!!!"
"WHAT?!?" Vegeta jumped to his feet forgetting about his severely broken ankle. "AUGH!!!" He fell to the ground in pain.
"Rape?"
"YES! MY CLOTHES WERE TORN, MY BREASTS WERE OUT, AND YOU WERE LOOKING AT THAT KAMA SUTRA BOOK!"
"NAMEK! WHY THE HFIL WOULD YOU WANT TO RAPE HER?!?"
"What is rape?"
Vegeta slapped his forehead while Chi-Chi quickly pulled out her pan. BONG! "DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW, GREENY! I SAW YOU LOOKING AT THAT BOOK!"
"Look, Bitch, the Namek really doesn't know what rape is. I'll explain it to him later. What I would like to know is why that book is in there with all of the Brat's studying material. I thought you didn't want him knowing about that stuff...and don't tell me it belongs to that culls Kakarot!"
"Well...uh...THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"
That familiar ring came on again. Vegeta and Piccolo race to the phone and Piccolo got it. "How do you answer it?"
"Give it to me, Namek!" Vegeta laid on the floor in pain.
"Here." Piccolo threw the phone at Vegeta so and he pressed the button and put it up to his ear. Piccolo listened "What do you want?" He asked sounding annoyed.
"Ooh, Yamcha! You sound so bad! Hee Hee. This is Gina. Well, what I called to tell you is that I'm here at the Right-Bye Mall in Falker City and I saw a naughty picture of you posted in the girls bathroom and most of the shops. It's even all over in the parking structure."
"Is it the picture of me wearing a pink tutu?" Vegeta covered the receiver while they snickered.
"Yes! That's the one! Well, I also called to say that it's over between us. The date tonight is off and I never want to see you again. That picture is a turn off. Oh, yes! I think that you should know that size DOES matter, Mr. 2-And-3-Quarters. And your motion of the ocean sunk the boat! I don't want no minute man!" *click*
"AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Piccolo and Vegeta were laughing their asses off.
"Vegeta, did all that mean what I think it meant?"
"Yes, Namek. The Weakling is even less of a man than I originally thought."
"VEGETA! I WANT YOU TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS YOU MADE!" Chi-Chi pointed at the puddle of blood made by his ankle.
"I...do...not...CLEAN!" As Vegeta said the word 'clean,' the vein in his forehead popped out.
"Yes...you...WILL!" As Chi-Chi said the word 'will' she pulled out her lethal pan.
"Cunt! I am not afraid of your cooking material!" Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest.
WHACK! Chi-Chi ruthlessly hit Vegeta's broken ankle with all her might. Piccolo winced at the sight.
"AUUUGH!!!"
"Greeny! Wrap his ankle so he can clean up his little mess!"
Piccolo sat there glaring at Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi glared back.
BONG! "I MEANT NOW!"
Piccolo started tending to Vegeta's ankle while Vegeta tried to keep a straight face.
"Good. I go cook something for us to eat." Chi-Chi cheerfully headed toward the kitchen.
* * * * *
"Wake them up!" Lord Fart commanded. "Good job Frank and Beans."
"Lord Fart, my brother Frank wants you to know that the Earthlings have with them a giant pink coushin thingy."
"Ah yes. The pink thing. Don't worry boys, it's just a coincidence."
"Another thing, Lord Fart, the human boy blew Putt-Putt to smithereens. They passed out from the cloud of gas. If they weren't wearing the masks, they would have surely died."
"The boy did this?"
"Yes sir. Right after they were told about creating the special masks."
"Is that so? Oh well, Putt-Putt was a weak low class so no real loss."
The Elderly Fart was in the throne room "A normal human boy couldn't possibly be that strong! He couldn't be full blooded human! Humans are weaklings!"
"Be quiet Old Fart" Lord Fart commanded. "Wake up the Earthlings!"
Old Fart waved an ancient remedy before their noses. Bulma and Gohan instantly woke up.
"Where the HFIL am I?" Bulma looked around the throne room and at the guards.
"Can I blow them up, Bulma?" Gohan asked with pleading puppy dog eyes.
"Ummm...better not Gohan" she remembered how much he enjoyed killing last time.
"Explain, Boy" Lord Fart "how it is you were able to kill an adult Fartling."
"I used a ki ball."
"A single ki blast? How is it possible for such a young human like you to have such strength?"
"He's half Saiyan" Bulma piped up.
The crowd started to talk and get loud. "Silence!" Lord Fart yelled.
"Is it possible that he is the Purple Prince? He doesn't look purple to me." Old Fart turned to Bulma "If this is true, you must be his blue mother, the Queen of Saiyans!"
"What in HFIL are you talking about? I'm not the Queen of Saiyans or this boy's mother!"
"How is it that the boy is half Saiyan? Planet Vegeta was destroyed years ago" Lord Fart was curious.
"My daddy was sent to Earth to destroy the human race. His name is Goku." Gohan was proud.
The crowd started murmuring again, but this time it was louder. "Silence!" Lord Fart asked "Is this the same Goku who beat the Dark Prince and Frieza?"
"Yup! Well, he beat Frieza, but I don't know about the Dark Prince...he beat so many people."
"Well, well, well. This boy's father is the super saiyan that took out our rival's prince and our greatest threat. Let's show them some hospitality!" Lord Fart stood up "Frank and Beans! Take them to the royal visitation rooms! And tell Ms. Briefs about her OTHER project."
"Yes Sir!" Frank and Beans said in unison. "This way, Earthlings."
Bulma and Gohan cautiously followed.
* * * * *
Vegeta was on his hands and knees scrubbing the last of the dried blood off the floor. Piccolo was sitting on the couch staring at Vegeta's cast and listening carefully to his every word "...and that's what rape is, Namek."
"I would never rape any one - especially Chi-Chi."
"Me neither. A real man doesn't need to rape to get some."
"Get some what?"
"Sex, pussy, ass, dick, natural juices, boink, you know."
"Oh, yeah."
"IS THAT FLOOR CLEANED YET?!?" Chi-Chi yelled stomping out of the kitchen.
Vegeta growled at her so she hit him with her scolding red hot spatula. "AUGH!!! MY SEXY FACE!!!"
Chi-Chi looked down at the clean floor. "Oh...dinner's ready!" She cheerfully went back into the kitchen.
Piccolo watched in horror "I'm actually afraid to go in there to eat."
"That Bitch! My royal face is burnt! I have to get the hot grease off my face NOW!"
"GET IN HERE AND EAT!!!"
Piccolo and Vegeta cautiously went into the kitchen to see their large delicious meal waiting for them. Chi-Chi was humming and folding her napkin in her lap. Slowly, they took their seats.
"Enjoy your meals boys! Dig in! After dinner I'll start cleaning up the mess I made with Gohan's studies. I accidentally let all his things out of the capsules so that's why I was flooded in the rooms by books."
"Leave out some sex and reproduction books for the Namek to look at." Vegeta said in between each bite then he started shoveling food into his mouth.
"Yes. I'd like to look at the pictures and learn about sex."
"Don't you know how to read?" Chi-Chi asked.
"Gohan taught me the ABC's."
"Hahahaha! The Namek can't read! Hahaha- *cough cough*" Vegeta rolled out of his chair onto the floor choking.
"That's horrible! Why didn't you go to school when you were little?"
"Well..." Piccolo started thinking back to his first and last day of school.
Flashback:
"Well, Piccolo, this is Kindergarten" explained Mr. Popo.
"I think I should be out training instead of learning. This is a waste of my time" Piccolo pouted.
"Remember, Kami said that if you want to rule the world when your older, you must get a decent education and learn how to read."
"Whatever."
"Okay. Don't be too evil while I'm gone. I'll be here after school to pick you up. Have fun!" Mr. Popo took off in the direction of Kami's lookout on his magic carpet.
The school bullies watched Mr. Popo leave and ran up to Piccolo. "Hey man! Was that your dad!"
"No. " Piccolo shook his head. "My father was killed right after he threw up my egg."
"Your weird. And ugly" said the kindergarten bully.
"Yeah. Why are you green? And what are those pink spots all over your arms?" asked the other bully.
"Nobody else here had pointy ears" one bully said picking up a stick to poke Piccolo's face and ears.
"STOP THAT!" Piccolo yelled, baring his small fangs.
"Wow. He has fangs, too. I think he's a monster!" a bully said.
"Leave him alone you bully! He's a CUTE monster!" The boys turned to see the prettiest little girl in the whole class - Liccopo. "Here, here's picture of me. You can have it. What's your name?" she asked Piccolo.
He took the picture. "Piccolo" he answered shyly. Piccolo never had this feeling before. He felt his purple blood rush to his head and started blushing.
"Ewww! He's turning purple! I think Piccolo loves Liccopo!" one bully said.
"No I don't!" Piccolo defended.
"Piccolo loves Liccopo! Piccolo loves Liccopo!" all the kids started singing except for Liccopo. She was trying to get them to stop.
One bully reached for his turban "I got his turban!" All the kids gasped when they saw his antennas.
"He's a freak!" a kid yelled right before he ran away screaming for him mama.
"HE'S NOT A FREAK!" Liccopo yelled back.
"FREAK!" a bully yelled. Then all the little kids started chanting "Freak! Freak! Freak ! Freak! Freak!"
"Come on Piccolo, let's go. Don't listen to them." Liccopo took Piccolo's hand and started leading him away from the crowd of kids.
As they were leaving one bully yelled "FREAK!" and started throwing rocks at Piccolo. The other kids started copying him yelling "Freak!" and throwing rocks at him. Then one hit Liccopo so hard that she started crying.
"STOP IT!" Piccolo yelled as he turned around he formed a giant ki ball and fired it at the crowd of kids. The whole school was blown up. "Are you okay, Liccopo?"
Liccopo stared at the crater that was once her school. "What did you do?" she asked in disbelief.
"They hurt you."
"You killed them all! Your a meany!"
"But-"
"Don't talk to me ever again!"
"Okay. I'll go into the woods and live there in isolation since I'm a freak." Piccolo sadly started floating away into the forest with his head down and his antennas hanging limp before his face.
"Wait Piccolo! I'm sorry! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Liccopo yelled at him. "Come back!"
But Piccolo ignored her. He continued to float sadly into the forest and didn't turn around. He never wanted her to see the tears in his evil eyes.
End Flashback.
"Piccolo?" Chi-Chi asked. "Is that a tear? I never seen your antennas go limp before. You look really sad."
Vegeta was starting to turn blue from choking. He reached over to grab Chi-Chi's leg to get her attention, but she moved her leg so he could see up her skirt. The sight of her untamed bush bulging out the sides of her panties made him choke even more.
"Uh..." Piccolo wiped away his tear and gained his composure. "No. I mean...I lived in the woods most of my life. I never went to school."
Piccolo fired a small ki blast at Vegeta's back as a substitute hymlic maneuver. The whole chicken leg shot out of Vegeta's throat and straight out his mouth and line drived to Chi-Chi's private area.
"AAAHHHHH!!!" Chi-Chi jumped straight up and flipped the table over to see Vegeta already got his breath of air and running to his room with Piccolo. "You can't hide in there forever!"
Piccolo and Vegeta slammed and locked the door. Vegeta was still gasping for air "That was HORRIBLE! Even more worse than when I dropped the soap in the shower with Zarbon and Frieza there!"
"What happened then?" Piccolo just didn't understand.
"None of your business, Namek!"
* * * * *
"Here are the best rooms on the ship, Mrs. Briefs. We will get you anything you need to create the special masks and do anything to make sure the boy is comfortable."
"A mask like that will take months to make" Bulma whined.
"Possibly."
"What is this other project I need to make?"
"Well, our race have been wanting something for a long time - a sex toy."
"WHAT?!?"
"A sex toy. We Fartling are strangely attracted to machinery. When we see a robot or android, we go wild."
"What the fuck is wrong with you guys?"
"Every one in our race is like that."
"Uh! That will take even longer! I refuse to make you guys a fucking sex toy! I have a man to go home to, you know!"
"Not if we destroy Earth for your incompetence."
"Er...FINE! BUT IF YOU HURT EARTH IN ANY WAY, MY BEST FRIEND GOKU AND MY BOYFRIEND WILL KICK YOUR ASSES!"
"Ahahahaha!" Frank and Beans were laughing.
Frank was the first to stop laughing "You can't fool us. Goku is dead. He died when planet Namek blew up. And your weak human boyfriend is no match for us."
"Goku IS still alive! And I wasn't talking about my weak human boyfriend! I was talking about my sexy super saiyan boyfriend!"
"I didn't know Yamcha was a super saiyan" Gohan scratched his head. "I thought Yamcha was weak."
"AHHAHAHAHAHA!" Frank and Beans were rolling on the floor.
"Laugh all you want! My boyfriend and Goku are the two strongest beings is the universe and they'll come save us!"
"But Bulma, I'm stronger than Yamcha. So is Tien, Krillen, Piccolo, Choutzu, Vegeta-"
Frank and Beans stopped laughing "Did you just say - Vegeta? The Dark Prince?"
"Dark Prince? That nickname sure does suit him" Bulma was surprised they knew Vegeta.
"Yup! He's mean though. He wants to kill my daddy and rule the universe" Gohan made a face.
"But, the Dark Prince is dead. He died years ago on Namek" Beans was scared.
"Yeah, well, he WAS dead for about 10 minutes then we accidentally brought him back to life and back to Earth so I invited him to come live with me" Bulma mentioned casually.
"SURE you did. For a second there we almost believed that the Dark Prince was still alive and you are his girlfriend. Haha!" Beans couldn't stop laughing
"He is still alive! He's living with Bulma and training in her inventions to kill my daddy!"
"Uh huh. The Dark Prince is living with her and she's helping him train to kill her best friend. Uh huh, SURE!" Frank rolled his eyes. "Let's get going, brother. Their just messing with us."
"But it's true! Vegeta said that I'm his mate!" Bulma protested.
Frank chuckled. "Your lab and every thing you need is through those doors right there with plenty of assistants. We suggest you get started."
"Can I get something to read? My mom is probably worrying that I'll get behind in my studies" Gohan asked excitedly.
"Uh...are you sure that your part saiyan? Saiyans weren't well known for their studying skills" Frank looked doughtful. "Do you even know how to read?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Gohan looked really confused. "Yeah, I can read and I'm sure that I'm saiyan. I used to have a tail before it was cut off."
"Nevermind. We'll get you a few books to read." Frank and Beans exited without turning their backs on the weird Earthlings.
They both watched the Fartling back up out of the room, puzzled. Bulma just shrugged and turned to Gohan. "Well, Kid, the sooner I get started, the sooner we can go home. You better study a lot or your mom would kill me."
* * * * *
"Vegeta? What's in that capsule?" Piccolo pointed to the capsule on the small desk.
"The Weakling brought in on. It must be his belongings." An evil smile grew on Vegeta's scarred face. "Let's see what's in it."
Then that annoying tune came on again. Vegeta answered it while Piccolo listened "Hello."
"Hi Yammy! This is Maron! I called to remind you of our date tonight. I know you sometimes forget. Silly!" She giggled. "I was wondering if you had talked to Krillen, lately. I haven't seen or heard from him since he caught us in his bed last week. I'm beginning to worry."
"Nope. Haven't seen the Cue Ball. I smelt him last week at the Capsule Corp., but I didn't see him."
"Oh well, if you see him tell him to call me. See you tonight! I won't be wearing any panties! Bye Bye!" *click*
"What a whore!"
"Whore?"
"Fucks everyone, slut, tramp, dirty, diseased, you know."
"Oh."
"Come on Namek, lets open the capsule and see what goodies are in there."
Piccolo picked it up and threw it on the floor. As soon as the smoke cleared, six large duffle bags sat on the floor.
Vegeta and Piccolo dug through the bags until Piccolo found a bottle of pills. "Are these what humans call pain killers?"
"Give me some!" Vegeta reached out his hand and Piccolo dumped four pills in his hand. Vegeta popped them in his mouth and they both continued digging through the bags.
"Look, Namek. Porn!" Piccolo just stared at Vegeta. "Porn is a sex movie."
"Oh...what's this?" Piccolo held up a dildo and then plugged his nose. "It smells like ass."
"Don't touch that!" Vegeta slapped the dildo out of Piccolo's hand. "That is a sex toy. You don't know what kind of diseases that thing carries."
Vegeta pulled out rope from his bag and Piccolo pulled out handcuffs and a whip.
"Give those to me, Namek!" Vegeta took them and put them in the drawer next to his bed.
They were digging more and Vegeta found a dirty nurses outfit "Size 6?" He smirked as he pictured Bulma doing his bandages after the G.R. blows up and slid it under his bed for later.
"I didn't know you were a nurse."
"It's not for me, Namek." They started digging again.
"Hey, books. Maybe I can read these after I learn how to read." Piccolo set them aside for later.
"A senzu bean!" Vegeta popped it into his mouth and his face and ankle healed up. Then he kicked off his cast.
"Vegeta, look at these clothes."
"A pure white zoot suit. A real pimp suit. We'll have to stop pretty soon. Maybe you should wear it so you can loose your virginity."
"What is the purpose of this stick with a diamond on it?"
"It's called a cane, Namek."
"Athlete's foot spray? Super Glue?" Vegeta put that aside.
"A movie. Is this more porn?" Piccolo asked.
"Hmmm...it's not labeled. We'll watch it later."
"FOOD!!!" Vegeta stuffed the capsule marked 'food' into his tights. "Uh, Namek? My heart is starting to beat really fast. Are you sure those were pain killers?"
"No."
"WHAT?!?"
"I asked if they were what humans called pain killers and then you demanded for some." Vegeta sat there staring at him. "I can't read. Remember?"
"Give me the bottle."
Piccolo searched for the bottle and gave it to him. Then he went back into the bags.
"VIAGRA!?!"
"What is that?" he asked without looking up from his search.
"NAMEK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Piccolo's eyes popped out of his head "There's a picture of Bulma without any cloths!"
"DON'T LOOK AT THAT!!!"
"But I like the way she looks!"
"GIVE IT TO ME!!!" Vegeta attacked Piccolo and they started fighting over the picture.
They were wrestling for a while then Vegeta felt his member start to rise. He let Piccolo go. Piccolo was staring at the picture.
"Namek...that's my MATE!"
Piccolo slowly looked up at Vegeta. He understood what a mate was. It was like being married. Like Chi-Chi and Goku. "I-I'm sorry, Vegeta." Piccolo dropped the picture and ran out of the room.
Vegeta just got up and locked the door. Then he picked up the picture of Bulma and decided to take a shower.
Piccolo decided to find Chi-Chi and learn how to read.
BigNamekianBallz - Poor Piccolo. Come on, was his first day of school traumatizing, or what? Kids can be harsh at that age. Please don't flame me because Piccolo blew up the school. Don't forget he used to be evil.
What's Vegeta gonna do in the shower? Is the legend of Killer true? I'll give you a hint. The legend of Killer is true! Try to see if you can figure it out. What will happen to Bulma and Gohan? How long will the Viagra last on a saiyan? Will Yamcha be okay? Will he die? What will Chi-Chi teach Piccolo. Does Piccolo still have that picture of Liccopo?